#spiritualreflection — Public Fediverse posts

Beyond the Pale

Stepping outside after an early-morning breakfast with friends, I carry a cinnamon roll to go for my wife, still warm in my hands.

The morning reveals itself slowly through fog and mist. Distant trees fade into white. Flags hang limply in the damp at half-mast.

I sit in the truck and watch traffic pass as people begin their day, and I wonder what mine will be.

Nearby, in the nursing home, a woman breathes slowly in and out, somewhere near the edge of crossing over.

Across the road, behind the thrift store where I used to work, another woman gazes out toward the marsh.

Next door, a man in work clothes walks from his truck into the Marathon gas station beneath the lowered flags, perhaps buying what he will eat for lunch.

Ordinary lives moving through an ordinary morning.

I think back over the recent conversations, wondering where the words will take us today.

Through the windshield, I see the geese rise from the marsh into the mist above the watching woman, beginning their long migration.

As they disappear into the white, I think of the trajectory of my own life. What flights will my body and spirit still make? Where am I going from here?

Such are my thoughts sitting here in a restaurant’s parking lot across from a former place of employment. I will probably drop by in a moment to say hello to past co-workers and others I have gotten to know. There are still connections—memories of those days, the people, the routines, the work itself.

I am grateful for my work there, for the continued friendships, but I am also grateful for the additional time I have now.

Time to pursue creative things.

Time to follow different flights.

Time to be more available for ministry.

Time, perhaps, simply to be more present to mornings like this one.

The watcher leaves her post.

The worker heads out to the job site.

The dying takes another trembling breath.

The trees in the distance are barely visible through the fog. I can see their shapes, but not their details.

The rest of this day feels much the same.

There are glimmers of what I might do, possibilities taking shape somewhere ahead, but nothing has been fully revealed yet.

That is true not only of this morning but of the rest of my life.

I can make out a few shapes in the distance.

A few directions.

A few possible flights.

But much of it remains hidden in the mist of the unknown.

For now, it is enough to sit here with the gift of a warm cinnamon roll beside me, watching the geese disappear beyond the pale, and trust that the way will reveal itself as I go.

Beyond the Pale

Stepping outside after an early-morning breakfast with friends, I carry a cinnamon roll to go for my wife, still warm in my hands.

The morning reveals itself slowly through fog and mist. Distant trees fade into white. Flags hang limply in the damp at half-mast.

I sit in the truck and watch traffic pass as people begin their day, and I wonder what mine will be.

Nearby, in the nursing home, a woman breathes slowly in and out, somewhere near the edge of crossing over.

Across the road, behind the thrift store where I used to work, another woman gazes out toward the marsh.

Next door, a man in work clothes walks from his truck into the Marathon gas station beneath the lowered flags, perhaps buying what he will eat for lunch.

Ordinary lives moving through an ordinary morning.

I think back over the recent conversations, wondering where the words will take us today.

Through the windshield, I see the geese rise from the marsh into the mist above the watching woman, beginning their long migration.

As they disappear into the white, I think of the trajectory of my own life. What flights will my body and spirit still make? Where am I going from here?

Such are my thoughts sitting here in a restaurant’s parking lot across from a former place of employment. I will probably drop by in a moment to say hello to past co-workers and others I have gotten to know. There are still connections—memories of those days, the people, the routines, the work itself.

I am grateful for my work there, for the continued friendships, but I am also grateful for the additional time I have now.

Time to pursue creative things.

Time to follow different flights.

Time to be more available for ministry.

Time, perhaps, simply to be more present to mornings like this one.

The watcher leaves her post.

The worker heads out to the job site.

The dying takes another trembling breath.

The trees in the distance are barely visible through the fog. I can see their shapes, but not their details.

The rest of this day feels much the same.

There are glimmers of what I might do, possibilities taking shape somewhere ahead, but nothing has been fully revealed yet.

That is true not only of this morning but of the rest of my life.

I can make out a few shapes in the distance.

A few directions.

A few possible flights.

But much of it remains hidden in the mist of the unknown.

For now, it is enough to sit here with the gift of a warm cinnamon roll beside me, watching the geese disappear beyond the pale, and trust that the way will reveal itself as I go.

Beyond the Pale

Stepping outside after an early-morning breakfast with friends, I carry a cinnamon roll to go for my wife, still warm in my hands.

The morning reveals itself slowly through fog and mist. Distant trees fade into white. Flags hang limply in the damp at half-mast.

I sit in the truck and watch traffic pass as people begin their day, and I wonder what mine will be.

Nearby, in the nursing home, a woman breathes slowly in and out, somewhere near the edge of crossing over.

Across the road, behind the thrift store where I used to work, another woman gazes out toward the marsh.

Next door, a man in work clothes walks from his truck into the Marathon gas station beneath the lowered flags, perhaps buying what he will eat for lunch.

Ordinary lives moving through an ordinary morning.

I think back over the recent conversations, wondering where the words will take us today.

Through the windshield, I see the geese rise from the marsh into the mist above the watching woman, beginning their long migration.

As they disappear into the white, I think of the trajectory of my own life. What flights will my body and spirit still make? Where am I going from here?

Such are my thoughts sitting here in a restaurant’s parking lot across from a former place of employment. I will probably drop by in a moment to say hello to past co-workers and others I have gotten to know. There are still connections—memories of those days, the people, the routines, the work itself.

I am grateful for my work there, for the continued friendships, but I am also grateful for the additional time I have now.

Time to pursue creative things.

Time to follow different flights.

Time to be more available for ministry.

Time, perhaps, simply to be more present to mornings like this one.

The watcher leaves her post.

The worker heads out to the job site.

The dying takes another trembling breath.

The trees in the distance are barely visible through the fog. I can see their shapes, but not their details.

The rest of this day feels much the same.

There are glimmers of what I might do, possibilities taking shape somewhere ahead, but nothing has been fully revealed yet.

That is true not only of this morning but of the rest of my life.

I can make out a few shapes in the distance.

A few directions.

A few possible flights.

But much of it remains hidden in the mist of the unknown.

For now, it is enough to sit here with the gift of a warm cinnamon roll beside me, watching the geese disappear beyond the pale, and trust that the way will reveal itself as I go.

Beyond the Pale

Stepping outside after an early-morning breakfast with friends, I carry a cinnamon roll to go for my wife, still warm in my hands.

The morning reveals itself slowly through fog and mist. Distant trees fade into white. Flags hang limply in the damp at half-mast.

I sit in the truck and watch traffic pass as people begin their day, and I wonder what mine will be.

Nearby, in the nursing home, a woman breathes slowly in and out, somewhere near the edge of crossing over.

Across the road, behind the thrift store where I used to work, another woman gazes out toward the marsh.

Next door, a man in work clothes walks from his truck into the Marathon gas station beneath the lowered flags, perhaps buying what he will eat for lunch.

Ordinary lives moving through an ordinary morning.

I think back over the recent conversations, wondering where the words will take us today.

Through the windshield, I see the geese rise from the marsh into the mist above the watching woman, beginning their long migration.

As they disappear into the white, I think of the trajectory of my own life. What flights will my body and spirit still make? Where am I going from here?

Such are my thoughts sitting here in a restaurant’s parking lot across from a former place of employment. I will probably drop by in a moment to say hello to past co-workers and others I have gotten to know. There are still connections—memories of those days, the people, the routines, the work itself.

I am grateful for my work there, for the continued friendships, but I am also grateful for the additional time I have now.

Time to pursue creative things.

Time to follow different flights.

Time to be more available for ministry.

Time, perhaps, simply to be more present to mornings like this one.

The watcher leaves her post.

The worker heads out to the job site.

The dying takes another trembling breath.

The trees in the distance are barely visible through the fog. I can see their shapes, but not their details.

The rest of this day feels much the same.

There are glimmers of what I might do, possibilities taking shape somewhere ahead, but nothing has been fully revealed yet.

That is true not only of this morning but of the rest of my life.

I can make out a few shapes in the distance.

A few directions.

A few possible flights.

But much of it remains hidden in the mist of the unknown.

For now, it is enough to sit here with the gift of a warm cinnamon roll beside me, watching the geese disappear beyond the pale, and trust that the way will reveal itself as I go.

Beyond the Pale

Stepping outside after an early-morning breakfast with friends, I carry a cinnamon roll to go for my wife, still warm in my hands.

The morning reveals itself slowly through fog and mist. Distant trees fade into white. Flags hang limply in the damp at half-mast.

I sit in the truck and watch traffic pass as people begin their day, and I wonder what mine will be.

Nearby, in the nursing home, a woman breathes slowly in and out, somewhere near the edge of crossing over.

Across the road, behind the thrift store where I used to work, another woman gazes out toward the marsh.

Next door, a man in work clothes walks from his truck into the Marathon gas station beneath the lowered flags, perhaps buying what he will eat for lunch.

Ordinary lives moving through an ordinary morning.

I think back over the recent conversations, wondering where the words will take us today.

Through the windshield, I see the geese rise from the marsh into the mist above the watching woman, beginning their long migration.

As they disappear into the white, I think of the trajectory of my own life. What flights will my body and spirit still make? Where am I going from here?

Such are my thoughts sitting here in a restaurant’s parking lot across from a former place of employment. I will probably drop by in a moment to say hello to past co-workers and others I have gotten to know. There are still connections—memories of those days, the people, the routines, the work itself.

I am grateful for my work there, for the continued friendships, but I am also grateful for the additional time I have now.

Time to pursue creative things.

Time to follow different flights.

Time to be more available for ministry.

Time, perhaps, simply to be more present to mornings like this one.

The watcher leaves her post.

The worker heads out to the job site.

The dying takes another trembling breath.

The trees in the distance are barely visible through the fog. I can see their shapes, but not their details.

The rest of this day feels much the same.

There are glimmers of what I might do, possibilities taking shape somewhere ahead, but nothing has been fully revealed yet.

That is true not only of this morning but of the rest of my life.

I can make out a few shapes in the distance.

A few directions.

A few possible flights.

But much of it remains hidden in the mist of the unknown.

For now, it is enough to sit here with the gift of a warm cinnamon roll beside me, watching the geese disappear beyond the pale, and trust that the way will reveal itself as I go.

Worrywart

I am a worrier.

Somehow I think that worrying gives me a measure of control over uncontrollable situations.

I have this idea that if I constantly imagine the worst-case scenario, then it won’t happen. A prediction of a morbid future somehow keeps it at bay.

That way I won’t be surprised.

It might be true or not, but it doesn’t leave much room for positive thoughts.

Or faith in God.

Worrying is just another side of fear, fear running roughshod over trusting the freedom of choice.

I worry a loved one may hurt herself. It would hurt deeply, but what can my worrying do? Except exacerbate the situation by keeping me from being centered, present, prayerful, and hopeful…

Trust is not the answer to worry. Prayer is.

I cannot begin to count the number of years accumulated from the hundreds of sleepless nights I have spent in fretful worry or rage.

Anger is simply another side of the restless coin. I do not believe that God can handle the situation, conversation, conflict, relationship . . . so I must carry on endless conversations in my head rather than simply releasing everything in prayer.

An old song comes to mind . . .  “bigger than all my problems, bigger than all my fears, God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.”

Let go and let God. Trite perhaps. But in essence quite correct. My hands have become arthritic talons from holding on to so many regrets, slights, grudges, dreams, hurts, wishes …

It is time once again to release the reins.

September 11, 2014

Worrywart

I am a worrier.

Somehow I think that worrying gives me a measure of control over uncontrollable situations.

I have this idea that if I constantly imagine the worst-case scenario, then it won’t happen. A prediction of a morbid future somehow keeps it at bay.

That way I won’t be surprised.

It might be true or not, but it doesn’t leave much room for positive thoughts.

Or faith in God.

Worrying is just another side of fear, fear running roughshod over trusting the freedom of choice.

I worry a loved one may hurt herself. It would hurt deeply, but what can my worrying do? Except exacerbate the situation by keeping me from being centered, present, prayerful, and hopeful…

Trust is not the answer to worry. Prayer is.

I cannot begin to count the number of years accumulated from the hundreds of sleepless nights I have spent in fretful worry or rage.

Anger is simply another side of the restless coin. I do not believe that God can handle the situation, conversation, conflict, relationship . . . so I must carry on endless conversations in my head rather than simply releasing everything in prayer.

An old song comes to mind . . .  “bigger than all my problems, bigger than all my fears, God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.”

Let go and let God. Trite perhaps. But in essence quite correct. My hands have become arthritic talons from holding on to so many regrets, slights, grudges, dreams, hurts, wishes …

It is time once again to release the reins.

September 11, 2014

Worrywart

I am a worrier.

Somehow I think that worrying gives me a measure of control over uncontrollable situations.

I have this idea that if I constantly imagine the worst-case scenario, then it won’t happen. A prediction of a morbid future somehow keeps it at bay.

That way I won’t be surprised.

It might be true or not, but it doesn’t leave much room for positive thoughts.

Or faith in God.

Worrying is just another side of fear, fear running roughshod over trusting the freedom of choice.

I worry a loved one may hurt herself. It would hurt deeply, but what can my worrying do? Except exacerbate the situation by keeping me from being centered, present, prayerful, and hopeful…

Trust is not the answer to worry. Prayer is.

I cannot begin to count the number of years accumulated from the hundreds of sleepless nights I have spent in fretful worry or rage.

Anger is simply another side of the restless coin. I do not believe that God can handle the situation, conversation, conflict, relationship . . . so I must carry on endless conversations in my head rather than simply releasing everything in prayer.

An old song comes to mind . . .  “bigger than all my problems, bigger than all my fears, God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.”

Let go and let God. Trite perhaps. But in essence quite correct. My hands have become arthritic talons from holding on to so many regrets, slights, grudges, dreams, hurts, wishes …

It is time once again to release the reins.

September 11, 2014

Worrywart

I am a worrier.

Somehow I think that worrying gives me a measure of control over uncontrollable situations.

I have this idea that if I constantly imagine the worst-case scenario, then it won’t happen. A prediction of a morbid future somehow keeps it at bay.

That way I won’t be surprised.

It might be true or not, but it doesn’t leave much room for positive thoughts.

Or faith in God.

Worrying is just another side of fear, fear running roughshod over trusting the freedom of choice.

I worry a loved one may hurt herself. It would hurt deeply, but what can my worrying do? Except exacerbate the situation by keeping me from being centered, present, prayerful, and hopeful…

Trust is not the answer to worry. Prayer is.

I cannot begin to count the number of years accumulated from the hundreds of sleepless nights I have spent in fretful worry or rage.

Anger is simply another side of the restless coin. I do not believe that God can handle the situation, conversation, conflict, relationship . . . so I must carry on endless conversations in my head rather than simply releasing everything in prayer.

An old song comes to mind . . .  “bigger than all my problems, bigger than all my fears, God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.”

Let go and let God. Trite perhaps. But in essence quite correct. My hands have become arthritic talons from holding on to so many regrets, slights, grudges, dreams, hurts, wishes …

It is time once again to release the reins.

September 11, 2014

Worrywart

I am a worrier.

Somehow I think that worrying gives me a measure of control over uncontrollable situations.

I have this idea that if I constantly imagine the worst-case scenario, then it won’t happen. A prediction of a morbid future somehow keeps it at bay.

That way I won’t be surprised.

It might be true or not, but it doesn’t leave much room for positive thoughts.

Or faith in God.

Worrying is just another side of fear, fear running roughshod over trusting the freedom of choice.

I worry a loved one may hurt herself. It would hurt deeply, but what can my worrying do? Except exacerbate the situation by keeping me from being centered, present, prayerful, and hopeful…

Trust is not the answer to worry. Prayer is.

I cannot begin to count the number of years accumulated from the hundreds of sleepless nights I have spent in fretful worry or rage.

Anger is simply another side of the restless coin. I do not believe that God can handle the situation, conversation, conflict, relationship . . . so I must carry on endless conversations in my head rather than simply releasing everything in prayer.

An old song comes to mind . . .  “bigger than all my problems, bigger than all my fears, God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.”

Let go and let God. Trite perhaps. But in essence quite correct. My hands have become arthritic talons from holding on to so many regrets, slights, grudges, dreams, hurts, wishes …

It is time once again to release the reins.

September 11, 2014

A Question of Conscience

Are you dead, my guide?
Or have you simply sunk into the muck
that creeps upon these inner corridors,
drowning in helpless demise?

The glass is obscured and the
bright moon has faded into the mist
while I, like a blind hand groping,
stand trembling in this night,

waiting.

October 28, 1988, Curridabat, Costa Rica

Part of the continuing Respectful American series, a selection of writings from my travel journals from Central America in 1988

The Dance of Dissonance

Sometimes 
I find myself lost
at the end of 
a confusing day 
trying to decipher labyrinthian relations 
and coming up short,
suddenly wondering 
how a day I thought good 
was not for another,
caught up in 
opposing realities 
where mine is suspect
and empathy is a struggle.

The brain fog 
of past illness 
has left its trailing 
fingers over my head
like the cigarette smoke 
of the man I see one morning standing with his back to me on the dock outside the store where I used to work 
and I wonder why he is there. 

I am suspicious, feeling responsible for what is no longer mine to care about, so I observe, yet remain at a distance and leave without really discovering if his presence is innocent. 

Such is the dance of dissonance.
I am close enough to see your back but too far to see your face clearly,
afraid that if I look too closely I will not like what  I see or that I will recognize some ugly part of me.

I want to hear 
that which runs 
counter to my experience 
but I must be honest and say that my capacity to understand the complexities of human behavior is diminishing. 

I long for circles that are completely safe,
where the people I pass on the walk home illicit in me feelings other than fear,
lust, guilt, or judgement,
all of which mirror 
the overwhelming sense
of dislike
I feel from the
world, and from myself perhaps.

It is my inability to not receive everything personally, this overwhelming sadness,  unprotected by my hypervigilance, where I still seem to miss what is most important, and no matter how much I try to hold everything together, I cannot keep things from unraveling. 

How do I continue to remain caring and yet not take on burdens that are not mine to carry? 

This then is the strange choreography of relationship, the stumbling herky-jerky movements of a marionette pulled by invisible strings, revealed in the bright lights of another angry stage.

Yet we dance. 
Through the pain of revelation.
The occasional stepping on of toes.
In the percieved exposure of audience eyes.
Shedding these inadequate masks and costumes one by one.
Finding our own rhythm in the strange movings of this particular 
circle of love.

Beg: June 5, 2026 
Fin: June 30, 2026

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Steadfast Love Shines Through (Christian Music) = Another beautiful song to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ 🌟 - #God #Jesus #TheLord #Praise #ChristianMusic #Bible #Music #Song #GodsLove #FaithJourney #YoungChristians #TrustInGod #SpiritualGrowth #Inspiration #Worship #Praise #ChristianCommunity #PersonalFaith #SpiritualReflection #BibleGuidance #HopeInGod #PrayerfulLiving #SpiritualAwakening #DevotionalLife #GodsPromises #ChristianFellowship #YouthWorship - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDyipbC7Fo4

Steadfast Love Shines Through (Christian Music) = Another beautiful song to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ 🌟 - #God #Jesus #TheLord #Praise #ChristianMusic #Bible #Music #Song #GodsLove #FaithJourney #YoungChristians #TrustInGod #SpiritualGrowth #Inspiration #Worship #Praise #ChristianCommunity #PersonalFaith #SpiritualReflection #BibleGuidance #HopeInGod #PrayerfulLiving #SpiritualAwakening #DevotionalLife #GodsPromises #ChristianFellowship #YouthWorship - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDyipbC7Fo4

Steadfast Love Shines Through (Christian Music) = Another beautiful song to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ 🌟 - #God #Jesus #TheLord #Praise #ChristianMusic #Bible #Music #Song #GodsLove #FaithJourney #YoungChristians #TrustInGod #SpiritualGrowth #Inspiration #Worship #Praise #ChristianCommunity #PersonalFaith #SpiritualReflection #BibleGuidance #HopeInGod #PrayerfulLiving #SpiritualAwakening #DevotionalLife #GodsPromises #ChristianFellowship #YouthWorship - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDyipbC7Fo4