#childhood-trauma — Public Fediverse posts

I've started writing a book of my life story, from the perspective of undiagnosed autistic closeted lesbian growing up in the 80's. So far it's turning into a cathartic yet traumatic walk down memory lane. I've been listing events as I remember them as I don't recall everything until I do. Today I finished a list of all the times I was sexually assaulted/abused and I'm really not sure this is a 'normal' amount. I mean most women have experienced it at some point but have most women experienced this much? I'm afraid to assume so, because fucking hell. I've edited the list here to be less descriptive. Ages are approximate.

Age 7 - adult male babysitter took me to bathroom and got it out, asked if I wanted to touch it. I don't remember what happened next.

Age 8 - teenage male babysitters, 2 brothers, decide to teach my younger sisters and I how to french kiss.

Age 9 - walk in on my step dad sexually assaulting my 6yr old sister. Threatens to kill us both if I tell anyone.

Age 10 - Playing hide and seek with friends, older boy id never met finds me and rapes me.

Age 11 - female teenage babysitter makes me sit on my best friends lap and kiss him.

Age 11 - at the park with teenage son of a family friend, he drags me in bush and sexually assualts me.

Age 13 - mums wedding, older male cousin gets me drunk and rapes me in the hotel garden.

Age 14 - adult male neighbour starts me on weed and sneaking out to have sex in the local playground at night, I thought I was in love.

Age 15 - 2nd stepdad, takes me out on his motorbike and insists I kiss him in return.

Age 16 - living with boyfriend who demands sex on tap and I think it's normal. Left him after getting pregnant.

Age 16 - lodging with adult married couple while pregnant. The husband declares he is in love with me and wife says if I want to live there I should play along. Multiple rapes over 3 months till I moved out.

Age 19 - new partner and 2nd child - he repeatedly beats and rapes me to teach me not to be so gobby. This went on for 4 years.

Age 26 - physio apt for back issues, male doctor asks me to strip to underwear and do a jesus pose so he can see my muscles, then gives me a massage repeating 'stupid girl' as he presses against me.

Age 30-36 - last male partner, multiple episodes coercive sex and financial/emotional abuse.

Been single since then and out as gay. Now 50!

#feminsm #childhoodtrauma

I've started writing a book of my life story, from the perspective of undiagnosed autistic closeted lesbian growing up in the 80's. So far it's turning into a cathartic yet traumatic walk down memory lane. I've been listing events as I remember them as I don't recall everything until I do. Today I finished a list of all the times I was sexually assaulted/abused and I'm really not sure this is a 'normal' amount. I mean most women have experienced it at some point but have most women experienced this much? I'm afraid to assume so, because fucking hell. I've edited the list here to be less descriptive. Ages are approximate.

Age 7 - adult male babysitter took me to bathroom and got it out, asked if I wanted to touch it. I don't remember what happened next.

Age 8 - teenage male babysitters, 2 brothers, decide to teach my younger sisters and I how to french kiss.

Age 9 - walk in on my step dad sexually assaulting my 6yr old sister. Threatens to kill us both if I tell anyone.

Age 10 - Playing hide and seek with friends, older boy id never met finds me and rapes me.

Age 11 - female teenage babysitter makes me sit on my best friends lap and kiss him.

Age 11 - at the park with teenage son of a family friend, he drags me in bush and sexually assualts me.

Age 13 - mums wedding, older male cousin gets me drunk and rapes me in the hotel garden.

Age 14 - adult male neighbour starts me on weed and sneaking out to have sex in the local playground at night, I thought I was in love.

Age 15 - 2nd stepdad, takes me out on his motorbike and insists I kiss him in return.

Age 16 - living with boyfriend who demands sex on tap and I think it's normal. Left him after getting pregnant.

Age 16 - lodging with adult married couple while pregnant. The husband declares he is in love with me and wife says if I want to live there I should play along. Multiple rapes over 3 months till I moved out.

Age 19 - new partner and 2nd child - he repeatedly beats and rapes me to teach me not to be so gobby. This went on for 4 years.

Age 26 - physio apt for back issues, male doctor asks me to strip to underwear and do a jesus pose so he can see my muscles, then gives me a massage repeating 'stupid girl' as he presses against me.

Age 30-36 - last male partner, multiple episodes coercive sex and financial/emotional abuse.

Been single since then and out as gay. Now 50!

#feminsm #childhoodtrauma

I've started writing a book of my life story, from the perspective of undiagnosed autistic closeted lesbian growing up in the 80's. So far it's turning into a cathartic yet traumatic walk down memory lane. I've been listing events as I remember them as I don't recall everything until I do. Today I finished a list of all the times I was sexually assaulted/abused and I'm really not sure this is a 'normal' amount. I mean most women have experienced it at some point but have most women experienced this much? I'm afraid to assume so, because fucking hell. I've edited the list here to be less descriptive. Ages are approximate.

Age 7 - adult male babysitter took me to bathroom and got it out, asked if I wanted to touch it. I don't remember what happened next.

Age 8 - teenage male babysitters, 2 brothers, decide to teach my younger sisters and I how to french kiss.

Age 9 - walk in on my step dad sexually assaulting my 6yr old sister. Threatens to kill us both if I tell anyone.

Age 10 - Playing hide and seek with friends, older boy id never met finds me and rapes me.

Age 11 - female teenage babysitter makes me sit on my best friends lap and kiss him.

Age 11 - at the park with teenage son of a family friend, he drags me in bush and sexually assualts me.

Age 13 - mums wedding, older male cousin gets me drunk and rapes me in the hotel garden.

Age 14 - adult male neighbour starts me on weed and sneaking out to have sex in the local playground at night, I thought I was in love.

Age 15 - 2nd stepdad, takes me out on his motorbike and insists I kiss him in return.

Age 16 - living with boyfriend who demands sex on tap and I think it's normal. Left him after getting pregnant.

Age 16 - lodging with adult married couple while pregnant. The husband declares he is in love with me and wife says if I want to live there I should play along. Multiple rapes over 3 months till I moved out.

Age 19 - new partner and 2nd child - he repeatedly beats and rapes me to teach me not to be so gobby. This went on for 4 years.

Age 26 - physio apt for back issues, male doctor asks me to strip to underwear and do a jesus pose so he can see my muscles, then gives me a massage repeating 'stupid girl' as he presses against me.

Age 30-36 - last male partner, multiple episodes coercive sex and financial/emotional abuse.

Been single since then and out as gay. Now 50!

#feminsm #childhoodtrauma

I've started writing a book of my life story, from the perspective of undiagnosed autistic closeted lesbian growing up in the 80's. So far it's turning into a cathartic yet traumatic walk down memory lane. I've been listing events as I remember them as I don't recall everything until I do. Today I finished a list of all the times I was sexually assaulted/abused and I'm really not sure this is a 'normal' amount. I mean most women have experienced it at some point but have most women experienced this much? I'm afraid to assume so, because fucking hell. I've edited the list here to be less descriptive. Ages are approximate.

Age 7 - adult male babysitter took me to bathroom and got it out, asked if I wanted to touch it. I don't remember what happened next.

Age 8 - teenage male babysitters, 2 brothers, decide to teach my younger sisters and I how to french kiss.

Age 9 - walk in on my step dad sexually assaulting my 6yr old sister. Threatens to kill us both if I tell anyone.

Age 10 - Playing hide and seek with friends, older boy id never met finds me and rapes me.

Age 11 - female teenage babysitter makes me sit on my best friends lap and kiss him.

Age 11 - at the park with teenage son of a family friend, he drags me in bush and sexually assualts me.

Age 13 - mums wedding, older male cousin gets me drunk and rapes me in the hotel garden.

Age 14 - adult male neighbour starts me on weed and sneaking out to have sex in the local playground at night, I thought I was in love.

Age 15 - 2nd stepdad, takes me out on his motorbike and insists I kiss him in return.

Age 16 - living with boyfriend who demands sex on tap and I think it's normal. Left him after getting pregnant.

Age 16 - lodging with adult married couple while pregnant. The husband declares he is in love with me and wife says if I want to live there I should play along. Multiple rapes over 3 months till I moved out.

Age 19 - new partner and 2nd child - he repeatedly beats and rapes me to teach me not to be so gobby. This went on for 4 years.

Age 26 - physio apt for back issues, male doctor asks me to strip to underwear and do a jesus pose so he can see my muscles, then gives me a massage repeating 'stupid girl' as he presses against me.

Age 30-36 - last male partner, multiple episodes coercive sex and financial/emotional abuse.

Been single since then and out as gay. Now 50!

#feminsm #childhoodtrauma

I've started writing a book of my life story, from the perspective of undiagnosed autistic closeted lesbian growing up in the 80's. So far it's turning into a cathartic yet traumatic walk down memory lane. I've been listing events as I remember them as I don't recall everything until I do. Today I finished a list of all the times I was sexually assaulted/abused and I'm really not sure this is a 'normal' amount. I mean most women have experienced it at some point but have most women experienced this much? I'm afraid to assume so, because fucking hell. I've edited the list here to be less descriptive. Ages are approximate.

Age 7 - adult male babysitter took me to bathroom and got it out, asked if I wanted to touch it. I don't remember what happened next.

Age 8 - teenage male babysitters, 2 brothers, decide to teach my younger sisters and I how to french kiss.

Age 9 - walk in on my step dad sexually assaulting my 6yr old sister. Threatens to kill us both if I tell anyone.

Age 10 - Playing hide and seek with friends, older boy id never met finds me and rapes me.

Age 11 - female teenage babysitter makes me sit on my best friends lap and kiss him.

Age 11 - at the park with teenage son of a family friend, he drags me in bush and sexually assualts me.

Age 13 - mums wedding, older male cousin gets me drunk and rapes me in the hotel garden.

Age 14 - adult male neighbour starts me on weed and sneaking out to have sex in the local playground at night, I thought I was in love.

Age 15 - 2nd stepdad, takes me out on his motorbike and insists I kiss him in return.

Age 16 - living with boyfriend who demands sex on tap and I think it's normal. Left him after getting pregnant.

Age 16 - lodging with adult married couple while pregnant. The husband declares he is in love with me and wife says if I want to live there I should play along. Multiple rapes over 3 months till I moved out.

Age 19 - new partner and 2nd child - he repeatedly beats and rapes me to teach me not to be so gobby. This went on for 4 years.

Age 26 - physio apt for back issues, male doctor asks me to strip to underwear and do a jesus pose so he can see my muscles, then gives me a massage repeating 'stupid girl' as he presses against me.

Age 30-36 - last male partner, multiple episodes coercive sex and financial/emotional abuse.

Been single since then and out as gay. Now 50!

#feminsm #childhoodtrauma

Did my second session of #EMDR today. It’s such a different mode of #therapy compared to #CBT or #TalkTherapy or #GroupTherapy I’ve done in the past.

I’m very hopeful this will help resolve the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on in adulthood and get back to living the life I want to live.

#ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalNeglect #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PanicAttacks

Did my second session of #EMDR today. It’s such a different mode of #therapy compared to #CBT or #TalkTherapy or #GroupTherapy I’ve done in the past.

I’m very hopeful this will help resolve the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on in adulthood and get back to living the life I want to live.

#ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalNeglect #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PanicAttacks

Did my second session of #EMDR today. It’s such a different mode of #therapy compared to #CBT or #TalkTherapy or #GroupTherapy I’ve done in the past.

I’m very hopeful this will help resolve the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on in adulthood and get back to living the life I want to live.

#ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalNeglect #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PanicAttacks

Did my second session of #EMDR today. It’s such a different mode of #therapy compared to #CBT or #TalkTherapy or #GroupTherapy I’ve done in the past.

I’m very hopeful this will help resolve the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on in adulthood and get back to living the life I want to live.

#ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalNeglect #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PanicAttacks

Did my second session of #EMDR today. It’s such a different mode of #therapy compared to #CBT or #TalkTherapy or #GroupTherapy I’ve done in the past.

I’m very hopeful this will help resolve the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on in adulthood and get back to living the life I want to live.

#ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalNeglect #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PanicAttacks