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Chinese state media pushed the narrative that Taiwan's president planned to flee if war were to break out, one of hundreds of unsubstantiated tales appearing to be a concerted attempt by Beijing to undermine the island's ruling Democratic Progressive Party. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2024/04/01/asia-pacific/politics/chinese-media-taiwan-president/ #asiapacific #politics #tsaiingwen #taiwan #china #misinformation
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The Tragedy of the Cryptids
Why are many cryptid tales associated with tragedy? Or, why are certain tragedies linked to cryptids? Some might say a cryptid is a curse, but it more likely is a symbol of the things we fear or about which we are anxious or guilty. There are plenty of examples.
Blaming the cryptid
It was Christmas, 2024. Two Oregon men “failed to return from a trip to look for Sasquatch” in the Gifford Pinchot Forest in Washington, authorities said. Rescuers spent Christmas facing dangerous conditions during the search until the men were found deceased. From the news reports, the two apparently were not equipped for the cold and wet weather.
It was never made clear if they were on a Bigfoot hunting excursion or just out for a short Holiday hike. The Bigfoot connection may have just been a flippant comment they made regarding their trip, or perhaps they were cryptid enthusiasts who hoped to glimpse the creature in an area with reported encounters. The unfortunate outcome was subsequently linked with the cryptid, often in headlines, which seemed to be out of proportion, as if belief in Bigfoot was the cause of death. Several commenters on the news stories, unsurprisingly, were cruel, mocking the men based on speculation about their behavior. Worse than that, some people took the tragedy even farther by saying that the men didn’t die from exposure, but from some other cause that officials are covering up. This is one of several examples of cryptids connected to tragedy.
There are various examples of cryptids associated with curses, death or destruction. This is unsurprising considering that cryptids are legends, and legends often have morbid twists as part of the drama. But the more surprising cryptid connections occur when the creature is celebrated in spite of or as part of the tragedy. The primary examples of these are stark: Mothman and the Pope Lick Monster. As noted in previous posts in this series, Mothman is the enigmatic, winged humanoid and the Pope Lick Monster is a Goatman. Let’s start with the cursed, evil, but maybe useful, highly-celebrated, harbinger of doom: Mothman.
AI art screengrabbed from a bad TikTok. (Not sorry.)Mothman and the Silver Bridge
On December 15, 1967, the Silver Bridge across the Ohio River, connecting Point Pleasant, WV to Gallipolis, OH collapsed. Most people know this terrible story: rush hour, forty-six people perished as their cars plunged into the icy water. The official investigation pegged the eye-bar failure. Lack of engineering redundancy meant the structure failed with it. However, the legend evolved to either blame the Mothman or its curse, or credit the creature as a warning of approaching doom.
Many people also know that the Mothman Festival is a big deal, drawing over 10,000 vistors to the small town every year to celebrate the big bird-moth-like being. How did we get from such heart-breaking tragedy to a giant town party with cosplayers and a shiny fantastical statue in the center square?
In 2008, Joseph Laycock, a scholar of religious studies, and sometimes of monsters, wrote about the weird acceptance by Point Pleasant of a legend that caused the town such pain and gave it a dark reputation. (Cite: Fieldwork in Religion, 3.1, 2008) To start, we must consider the context of the town of Point Pleasant.
So frequently, cryptid tales are backdated to the time when white settlers encountered the indigenous peoples. (That’s it’s own tragic tale – the lands haunted by Mothman and many other cryptids belonged to indigenous people who often were misappropriated by a manufactured legend, or erased entirely.) During the Revolutionary War times, a battle between the Virginians and the natives resulted in the death of the Shawnee Chief Cornstalk, who was murdered as a result of a diplomatic mission to Fort Randolph. Legend is that he cursed the land. Eventually, Cornstalk and Mothman legends were associated.
Prior to the bridge tragedy, the town suffered an economic downturn, flooding events, and a nearby mining disaster.
In the “Year of the Garuda” as labeled by The Mothman Prophecies author John Keel, the town was plagued by not only the monster, but by UFO sightings and the appearance of strangers, dubbed Men In Black by Keel. The MIB reportedly intimidated, threatened, robbed and assaulted the locals. If you lived in Point Pleasant at this time, you may have been threatened more by the UFO reports than the “monster”. Newspaper reporting leans much less on the “Big Bird” and more on the rash of UFO claims during this time. Keel’s book, from 1972, reframed the Mothman-UFO flap as a time and place of “high strangeness” with the Mothman as the star. (Cite: Dr. Jeb Card, personal comm.) [Addition: Corroborated by Richard Estep who said locals did not connect the bridge disaster to the “Big Black Bird” at the time, either. See MonsterTalk.]
With the collapse of the Bridge, the Mothman essentially disappeared from sight. The community, left in shock, tried to make sense of the disaster. Laycock notes that Mothman would have remained “a local demon” if the bridge collapse didn’t happen. But the association propelled Mothman from a mysterious menace to a supernatural death messenger – like that of the Irish Banshee. Mothman perhaps helped to fill in the vacuum of meaning felt by the residents as they struggled to move past the disaster.
In later decades, Mothman moved from being a threat to being a symbol of the town’s identity – its “monstrous patron”. While the Mothman now has a gleaming anthropomorphic statue in a prominent location in town, and its own museum, festival, and traditions, the people who died at the Silver Bridge are less commemorated. The bridge event was situated in service to the Mothman, who became the spirit of the town. With a boost from the 2002 film that rejuvenated the tale, and the growing embrace of Pop Cryptids nationwide, Point Pleasant treated the winged monster much like a religious icon that was viewed with sacred meaning. Mothman symbolized events that shook their town beyond their control.
I would gladly become a monstrous patron of a capable scholar who could write the definitive bio of Mothman and his impact – it’s crazy stuff.
Pope Lick Monster
The Fisherville area of Louisville, Kentucky, location of the train trestle associated with the Pope Lick monster, has a love/hate relationship with the infamous goatman. Legend tripping teens and tourists bypass the fences and warnings in an attempting to traverse the active train trestle bridge (which is 90 feet high and 772 long) to have their own experience. I could not get an accurate count of the dead, but, since 1968, it appears that at least 10 people have been killed by trains crossing the bridge or falling from the bridge to avoid a train. Several more were injured or nearly killed.
As with Mothman, a film boosted the legend. The 1988 short film The Legend of the Pope Lick Monster by local Ron Schildknecht put it into an easily relatable package, introducing the idea that the goatman can hypnotize you, and suggesting that you can hang from the bridge while the train passed (few people have the strength to do this). Thanks to worldwide connectivity networks, the legend spread beyond the town, becoming an attraction for thrill seekers.
Some sources say that Schildknecht regrets that the film added to the lore and that he didn’t intend to make dangerous trespassing a fad. But I’m getting mixed messages. In what seems like a brazen affront to those that have been hurt or killed, the filmmaker’s website features quotes by the Norfolk Southern Railroad about the film,
“It undermines our efforts on behalf of safety when movies like this are made.”
— spokesman for Norfolk Southern Corp.The festival to celebrate the Pope Lick Monster legend is fairly new. There is also a Halloween attraction (that mentions the Schildknecht name associated with the sensationalized origin story). This all feels disrespectful to the memory of those who died and perhaps increases the odds that more people visit and venture into harm’s way. Supporters of the events say they don’t celebrate the darkness. I’m not sold. Imagine if you were part of an affected family witnessing a yearly entertainment event centered on the legend and location where your child met their demise. This controversy seems to be dividing the community. Sadly, cryptid capitalism will likely win out.
Because of its location, the area around the creek is said to be cursed land because of the bloodshed that occurred from removal of the native people. Do these communities still struggle with the guilt of history, past and current? Does the heavy weight of industrialism and depression help create the “monster” that haunts the town? By using monstrous symbols, communities try to find a way to compartmentalize, process, and move on.
The Pope Lick Monster appears to be the cryptid with the highest death count. Of course, no one was really killed by the goatman. It is a choice to make the effort to put oneself in harms way.
I recommend checking out Episode 3 of Out There: Crimes of the Paranormal, a recent series that covered the despair of those left to deal with the Pope Lick reputation.
Linking cryptids
Cryptid legends, when examined in depth, can reveal tragic connections that the casually interested person would not typically notice. I’ve collected more examples.
- People who disappear in rugged areas, particularly in National Parks of the US have been exploited by Bigfoot writer David Paulides under the umbrella of his book series “Missing 411”. Paulides doesn’t explicitly say that the people may have been taken by Bigfoot, serial killers, aliens, or something even more outrageous. He misleads the reader and lets your imagination fill in the gaps by mystery mongering, playing fast and loose with facts, and framing the incidents as cover-ups. It’s non-credible, mean-spirited, and ghoulish, and should be dismissed as such.
- It’s not uncommon to see news stories about people who do heinous things linked to their seemingly outlandish beliefs about aliens, conspiracies, demons, or their interest in cryptids. Sometimes the media makes spurious connections that the audience latches onto. The Christmas 2020 suicide bomber of Nashville, Tennessee supposedly believed that “Reptilians” or “Lizard People” were in charge of the government – an idea made popular by David Icke. I’d recommend, again, the Out There: Crimes of the Paranormal episode that linked the paranoid idea of Reptilians to the legend of Lizard Man of Bishopville/Scape Ore Swamp.
- The Not Deer legend of Appalachia is the relatively recent tale of deer that behave weirdly with the speculation that they are not actually normal deer but shapeshifters trying to lure you into the woods. The legend has been influenced by the spread of a prion disease or other typical deer illnesses that cause the animal to suffer and eventually die. The supernatural explanation is far more popular than than natural one.
- Ol’ Greeneyes, while a debatable “cryptid”, has its own festival now in the town where the Battle of Chickamauga took place. The creature is said to be a ghoul or a ghost of a dead soldier who haunts the battlefield. It seems a strange mascot for a cryptid celebration but the event has been successful. As with other cryptid festivals – the cryptid is the excuse to gather round the town center and re-experience the historical past.
- The legend of Zana, the wildwoman, has been completely misconstrued by those who believe that she was not a modern human but possibly an Almas (a cryptid hominid) captured in the late 1800s. It is far more likely that she was of African decent, captured, kept in slavery in Abkhazia. White male cryptozoologists treated this story of her life as a mystery for them to solve and show that relict races existed.
- The Beast of the Land Between the Lakes is a story based on fiction. But the truth of the project that formed the park lands was tragic to many families. Starting in 1964, the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) began to condemn the 170,000 acres that would later be flooded. Some 800 families were forcibly removed by eminent domain. They sacrificed their land and livelihoods, their communities were ruined, and their ancestors’ graves abandoned. The consequences of that destruction still reverberates. Is the “beast” a manifestation of revenge for this callous treatment?
- The eruption of Mt. St Helens in 1980 is one of the first national disasters I recall as a child watching the news. It resulted in the death of a USGS geologist, Harry Truman, a resident to refused to leave his homestead, and 55 others who perished from the mudflows, hot ash and gas. Tales were told of Bigfoot around the mountain. After the eruption, someone started the story that the Bigfoot population had been decimated, an entirely baseless story. In the late 90s, the story of the Batsquatch encounter apparently prompted another piece of creative fiction – that the Batsquatches were let loose from their underground abodes via the volcanic eruption.
- The tale of the Wendigo (and its many variations) from Algonquin-speaking first nations in Canada and US, has been heavily appropriated in fiction, films, and as a cryptid. The brutal association with murder and cannibalism has been changed drastically for use in various media and commercial purposes. I’m not qualified to speak about its traditional use but the Wendigo wasn’t a Bigfoot, it didn’t have antlers, it doesn’t imitate human voices or shapeshift and it’s not part of Appalachian folklore. It is a spirit creature that embodies the threat of starvation for northern peoples who faced this circumstance. Yet, the creatures has become so popularized and commodified, an offensive stench rises from the fictionalized garbage content of awful fan art, horror flicks, and AI generated TikTok shorts.
Capitalizing on tragedy
There are not unreasonable arguments on both sides of the debate regarding capitalizing on past tragedies via cryptid festivals. Are cryptid festivals like those in Point Pleasant, WV and Fisherville, KY capitalizing on the deaths of others? Or are they serving as complex social means of moving beyond the haunted town histories? There likely are some instances where the intent was positive, to memorialize the tragedy in a respectful way, that later got out of control. And I have inklings that this conflict also occurs in other cultures, where monsters represent real tragedies.
The list above certainly has additional examples. Ghost stories are frequently a means of remembering a death or an unresolved tragedy or crime. Another example of banking on dark history is the commercialization of the town of Salem, where 25 people suffered and died in the witch trials that became the basis of a tourism branding as the tasteless and tacky “witch city”.
It’s difficult and often entirely inappropriate to police or suppress art (including books, films, etc.) and social responses to trauma. People will attempt to rationalize a disaster even via seemingly irrational scapegoats.
It can be difficult to reject participating in an interesting modern event because it is tainted by the events of the past. Culture evolves where we recreate or reenvision the past with a new framing. I don’t know that there is a right answer here – each person will have their own response. It’s imperative, however, that we not let the history of the tragedies be ignored, forgotten, or overtaken entirely by cryptid legends.
This is post 8 of the 12 Days of Cryptids.
#12DaysOfCryptids #Bigfoot #cryptidFestival #LandBetweenTheLakesBeast #Missing411 #mothman #PopeLickMonster #tragicCryptids #wendigo
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The Tragedy of the Cryptids
Why are many cryptid tales associated with tragedy? Or, why are certain tragedies linked to cryptids? Some might say a cryptid is a curse, but it more likely is a symbol of the things we fear or about which we are anxious or guilty. There are plenty of examples.
Blaming the cryptid
It was Christmas, 2024. Two Oregon men “failed to return from a trip to look for Sasquatch” in the Gifford Pinchot Forest in Washington, authorities said. Rescuers spent Christmas facing dangerous conditions during the search until the men were found deceased. From the news reports, the two apparently were not equipped for the cold and wet weather.
It was never made clear if they were on a Bigfoot hunting excursion or just out for a short Holiday hike. The Bigfoot connection may have just been a flippant comment they made regarding their trip, or perhaps they were cryptid enthusiasts who hoped to glimpse the creature in an area with reported encounters. The unfortunate outcome was subsequently linked with the cryptid, often in headlines, which seemed to be out of proportion, as if belief in Bigfoot was the cause of death. Several commenters on the news stories, unsurprisingly, were cruel, mocking the men based on speculation about their behavior. Worse than that, some people took the tragedy even farther by saying that the men didn’t die from exposure, but from some other cause that officials are covering up. This is one of several examples of cryptids connected to tragedy.
There are various examples of cryptids associated with curses, death or destruction. This is unsurprising considering that cryptids are legends, and legends often have morbid twists as part of the drama. But the more surprising cryptid connections occur when the creature is celebrated in spite of or as part of the tragedy. The primary examples of these are stark: Mothman and the Pope Lick Monster. As noted in previous posts in this series, Mothman is the enigmatic, winged humanoid and the Pope Lick Monster is a Goatman. Let’s start with the cursed, evil, but maybe useful, highly-celebrated, harbinger of doom: Mothman.
AI art screengrabbed from a bad TikTok. (Not sorry.)Mothman and the Silver Bridge
On December 15, 1967, the Silver Bridge across the Ohio River, connecting Point Pleasant, WV to Gallipolis, OH collapsed. Most people know this terrible story: rush hour, forty-six people perished as their cars plunged into the icy water. The official investigation pegged the eye-bar failure. Lack of engineering redundancy meant the structure failed with it. However, the legend evolved to either blame the Mothman or its curse, or credit the creature as a warning of approaching doom.
Many people also know that the Mothman Festival is a big deal, drawing over 10,000 vistors to the small town every year to celebrate the big bird-moth-like being. How did we get from such heart-breaking tragedy to a giant town party with cosplayers and a shiny fantastical statue in the center square?
In 2008, Joseph Laycock, a scholar of religious studies, and sometimes of monsters, wrote about the weird acceptance by Point Pleasant of a legend that caused the town such pain and gave it a dark reputation. (Cite: Fieldwork in Religion, 3.1, 2008) To start, we must consider the context of the town of Point Pleasant.
So frequently, cryptid tales are backdated to the time when white settlers encountered the indigenous peoples. (That’s it’s own tragic tale – the lands haunted by Mothman and many other cryptids belonged to indigenous people who often were misappropriated by a manufactured legend, or erased entirely.) During the Revolutionary War times, a battle between the Virginians and the natives resulted in the death of the Shawnee Chief Cornstalk, who was murdered as a result of a diplomatic mission to Fort Randolph. Legend is that he cursed the land. Eventually, Cornstalk and Mothman legends were associated.
Prior to the bridge tragedy, the town suffered an economic downturn, flooding events, and a nearby mining disaster.
In the “Year of the Garuda” as labeled by The Mothman Prophecies author John Keel, the town was plagued by not only the monster, but by UFO sightings and the appearance of strangers, dubbed Men In Black by Keel. The MIB reportedly intimidated, threatened, robbed and assaulted the locals. If you lived in Point Pleasant at this time, you may have been threatened more by the UFO reports than the “monster”. Newspaper reporting leans much less on the “Big Bird” and more on the rash of UFO claims during this time. Keel’s book, from 1972, reframed the Mothman-UFO flap as a time and place of “high strangeness” with the Mothman as the star. (Cite: Dr. Jeb Card, personal comm.) [Addition: Corroborated by Richard Estep who said locals did not connect the bridge disaster to the “Big Black Bird” at the time, either. See MonsterTalk.]
With the collapse of the Bridge, the Mothman essentially disappeared from sight. The community, left in shock, tried to make sense of the disaster. Laycock notes that Mothman would have remained “a local demon” if the bridge collapse didn’t happen. But the association propelled Mothman from a mysterious menace to a supernatural death messenger – like that of the Irish Banshee. Mothman perhaps helped to fill in the vacuum of meaning felt by the residents as they struggled to move past the disaster.
In later decades, Mothman moved from being a threat to being a symbol of the town’s identity – its “monstrous patron”. While the Mothman now has a gleaming anthropomorphic statue in a prominent location in town, and its own museum, festival, and traditions, the people who died at the Silver Bridge are less commemorated. The bridge event was situated in service to the Mothman, who became the spirit of the town. With a boost from the 2002 film that rejuvenated the tale, and the growing embrace of Pop Cryptids nationwide, Point Pleasant treated the winged monster much like a religious icon that was viewed with sacred meaning. Mothman symbolized events that shook their town beyond their control.
I would gladly become a monstrous patron of a capable scholar who could write the definitive bio of Mothman and his impact – it’s crazy stuff.
Pope Lick Monster
The Fisherville area of Louisville, Kentucky, location of the train trestle associated with the Pope Lick monster, has a love/hate relationship with the infamous goatman. Legend tripping teens and tourists bypass the fences and warnings in an attempting to traverse the active train trestle bridge (which is 90 feet high and 772 long) to have their own experience. I could not get an accurate count of the dead, but, since 1968, it appears that at least 10 people have been killed by trains crossing the bridge or falling from the bridge to avoid a train. Several more were injured or nearly killed.
As with Mothman, a film boosted the legend. The 1988 short film The Legend of the Pope Lick Monster by local Ron Schildknecht put it into an easily relatable package, introducing the idea that the goatman can hypnotize you, and suggesting that you can hang from the bridge while the train passed (few people have the strength to do this). Thanks to worldwide connectivity networks, the legend spread beyond the town, becoming an attraction for thrill seekers.
Some sources say that Schildknecht regrets that the film added to the lore and that he didn’t intend to make dangerous trespassing a fad. But I’m getting mixed messages. In what seems like a brazen affront to those that have been hurt or killed, the filmmaker’s website features quotes by the Norfolk Southern Railroad about the film,
“It undermines our efforts on behalf of safety when movies like this are made.”
— spokesman for Norfolk Southern Corp.The festival to celebrate the Pope Lick Monster legend is fairly new. There is also a Halloween attraction (that mentions the Schildknecht name associated with the sensationalized origin story). This all feels disrespectful to the memory of those who died and perhaps increases the odds that more people visit and venture into harm’s way. Supporters of the events say they don’t celebrate the darkness. I’m not sold. Imagine if you were part of an affected family witnessing a yearly entertainment event centered on the legend and location where your child met their demise. This controversy seems to be dividing the community. Sadly, cryptid capitalism will likely win out.
Because of its location, the area around the creek is said to be cursed land because of the bloodshed that occurred from removal of the native people. Do these communities still struggle with the guilt of history, past and current? Does the heavy weight of industrialism and depression help create the “monster” that haunts the town? By using monstrous symbols, communities try to find a way to compartmentalize, process, and move on.
The Pope Lick Monster appears to be the cryptid with the highest death count. Of course, no one was really killed by the goatman. It is a choice to make the effort to put oneself in harms way.
I recommend checking out Episode 3 of Out There: Crimes of the Paranormal, a recent series that covered the despair of those left to deal with the Pope Lick reputation.
Linking cryptids
Cryptid legends, when examined in depth, can reveal tragic connections that the casually interested person would not typically notice. I’ve collected more examples.
- People who disappear in rugged areas, particularly in National Parks of the US have been exploited by Bigfoot writer David Paulides under the umbrella of his book series “Missing 411”. Paulides doesn’t explicitly say that the people may have been taken by Bigfoot, serial killers, aliens, or something even more outrageous. He misleads the reader and lets your imagination fill in the gaps by mystery mongering, playing fast and loose with facts, and framing the incidents as cover-ups. It’s non-credible, mean-spirited, and ghoulish, and should be dismissed as such.
- It’s not uncommon to see news stories about people who do heinous things linked to their seemingly outlandish beliefs about aliens, conspiracies, demons, or their interest in cryptids. Sometimes the media makes spurious connections that the audience latches onto. The Christmas 2020 suicide bomber of Nashville, Tennessee supposedly believed that “Reptilians” or “Lizard People” were in charge of the government – an idea made popular by David Icke. I’d recommend, again, the Out There: Crimes of the Paranormal episode that linked the paranoid idea of Reptilians to the legend of Lizard Man of Bishopville/Scape Ore Swamp.
- The Not Deer legend of Appalachia is the relatively recent tale of deer that behave weirdly with the speculation that they are not actually normal deer but shapeshifters trying to lure you into the woods. The legend has been influenced by the spread of a prion disease or other typical deer illnesses that cause the animal to suffer and eventually die. The supernatural explanation is far more popular than than natural one.
- Ol’ Greeneyes, while a debatable “cryptid”, has its own festival now in the town where the Battle of Chickamauga took place. The creature is said to be a ghoul or a ghost of a dead soldier who haunts the battlefield. It seems a strange mascot for a cryptid celebration but the event has been successful. As with other cryptid festivals – the cryptid is the excuse to gather round the town center and re-experience the historical past.
- The legend of Zana, the wildwoman, has been completely misconstrued by those who believe that she was not a modern human but possibly an Almas (a cryptid hominid) captured in the late 1800s. It is far more likely that she was of African decent, captured, kept in slavery in Abkhazia. White male cryptozoologists treated this story of her life as a mystery for them to solve and show that relict races existed.
- The Beast of the Land Between the Lakes is a story based on fiction. But the truth of the project that formed the park lands was tragic to many families. Starting in 1964, the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) began to condemn the 170,000 acres that would later be flooded. Some 800 families were forcibly removed by eminent domain. They sacrificed their land and livelihoods, their communities were ruined, and their ancestors’ graves abandoned. The consequences of that destruction still reverberates. Is the “beast” a manifestation of revenge for this callous treatment?
- The eruption of Mt. St Helens in 1980 is one of the first national disasters I recall as a child watching the news. It resulted in the death of a USGS geologist, Harry Truman, a resident to refused to leave his homestead, and 55 others who perished from the mudflows, hot ash and gas. Tales were told of Bigfoot around the mountain. After the eruption, someone started the story that the Bigfoot population had been decimated, an entirely baseless story. In the late 90s, the story of the Batsquatch encounter apparently prompted another piece of creative fiction – that the Batsquatches were let loose from their underground abodes via the volcanic eruption.
- The tale of the Wendigo (and its many variations) from Algonquin-speaking first nations in Canada and US, has been heavily appropriated in fiction, films, and as a cryptid. The brutal association with murder and cannibalism has been changed drastically for use in various media and commercial purposes. I’m not qualified to speak about its traditional use but the Wendigo wasn’t a Bigfoot, it didn’t have antlers, it doesn’t imitate human voices or shapeshift and it’s not part of Appalachian folklore. It is a spirit creature that embodies the threat of starvation for northern peoples who faced this circumstance. Yet, the creatures has become so popularized and commodified, an offensive stench rises from the fictionalized garbage content of awful fan art, horror flicks, and AI generated TikTok shorts.
Capitalizing on tragedy
There are not unreasonable arguments on both sides of the debate regarding capitalizing on past tragedies via cryptid festivals. Are cryptid festivals like those in Point Pleasant, WV and Fisherville, KY capitalizing on the deaths of others? Or are they serving as complex social means of moving beyond the haunted town histories? There likely are some instances where the intent was positive, to memorialize the tragedy in a respectful way, that later got out of control. And I have inklings that this conflict also occurs in other cultures, where monsters represent real tragedies.
The list above certainly has additional examples. Ghost stories are frequently a means of remembering a death or an unresolved tragedy or crime. Another example of banking on dark history is the commercialization of the town of Salem, where 25 people suffered and died in the witch trials that became the basis of a tourism branding as the tasteless and tacky “witch city”.
It’s difficult and often entirely inappropriate to police or suppress art (including books, films, etc.) and social responses to trauma. People will attempt to rationalize a disaster even via seemingly irrational scapegoats.
It can be difficult to reject participating in an interesting modern event because it is tainted by the events of the past. Culture evolves where we recreate or reenvision the past with a new framing. I don’t know that there is a right answer here – each person will have their own response. It’s imperative, however, that we not let the history of the tragedies be ignored, forgotten, or overtaken entirely by cryptid legends.
This is post 8 of the 12 Days of Cryptids.
#12DaysOfCryptids #Bigfoot #cryptidFestival #LandBetweenTheLakesBeast #Missing411 #mothman #PopeLickMonster #tragicCryptids #wendigo
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PREVIEW: ARCHIE HORROR PRESENTS: CHILLING ADVENTURES ANTHOLOGY (TPB)
Welcome to the chilling world of Archie Horror, where demons roam the earth and terrifying tall tales come to life. From robotic rogues and inter-dimensional interlopers to sinister sorcerers and macabre mystics, this anthology collection has everything your horror-hungry heart...
https://www.comiccrusaders.com/preview-archie-horror-presents-chilling-adventures-anthology-tpb/
#archie #comi cs #chilling adventures #horror -
PREVIEW: ARCHIE HORROR PRESENTS: CHILLING ADVENTURES ANTHOLOGY (TPB)
Welcome to the chilling world of Archie Horror, where demons roam the earth and terrifying tall tales come to life. From robotic rogues and inter-dimensional interlopers to sinister sorcerers and macabre mystics, this anthology collection has everything your horror-hungry heart...
https://www.comiccrusaders.com/preview-archie-horror-presents-chilling-adventures-anthology-tpb/
#archie #comi cs #chilling adventures #horror -
Fairies of Northern Appalachia: Cover reveal!
I’m so excited to reveal the cover for my next book, Fairies of Northern Appalachia: A History of the Little People of the Mountains, which covers fairy stories and beliefs from Pennsylvania, eastern Ohio, West Virginia, Maryland, Virginia, and Kentucky.
I thought John Anster Fitzgerald’s painting “The Fairies’ Favourite” was the perfect cover for this book, because it captures something of the diversity and strangeness of the fairies that occupy Appalachian stories. I also like the fact that the cover seems to depict a fairy queen wearing a crown (can you find her?) because my book contains a couple of stories about “fairy queens”—from both eastern Kentucky and Pennsylvania.
Here is the cover and back cover in full:
Book overview
Join Andrew Warburton, author of New York Fairies and New England Fairies, as he explores the deep, but often overlooked, roots of fairy lore in the mist-shrouded mountains of Northern Appalachia.
The magic of Old World folklore lingers in Northern Appalachia’s hills and hollers. From banshees to tommyknockers to mischievous elves, myriad fairy spirits populate the stories of the region’s mountain folk. The Little Hunchbacked Man who dwelled in corners of Pennsylvania Dutch homes. Pixies whose knocking warned of explosions in West Virginia’s mines. A red-haired fairy whose magical arrows tormented the Scots Irish of Kentucky’s Cumberland Mountains.
In this vivid and well-researched history, Andrew Warburton gathers the region’s forgotten fairy stories―from tales about “ancient pygmies” in Ohio to a psychiatrist’s account of photographing fairies in Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley.The contents are as follows:
- Introduction
- 1. German Fairies: Influence of Pennsylvania Dutch folklore.
- 2. Irish Fairies: Influence of Scots-Irish settlers.
- 3. Underground Fairies: Tales of “tommyknockers” and mining spirits.
- 4. Virginia’s Fairy Stone Park: Legends behind the famous staurolite stones.
- 5. Fairies by Other Names: Regional variations of little people.
- 6. Appalachian Pygmies: Legends of ancient, small inhabitants in Ohio and throughout Appalachia.
- 7. Modern Fairy Stories: Accounts and sightings in the modern era.
- A Glossary of Northern Appalachian Fairies
- Bibliography
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Ah, the good old days when "hacking" meant knowing how to dial-up and downloading AOL chat room scripts 🤣! #Nostalgia for when life was simpler and #hackers didn't need a PhD in cybersecurity to move past a screensaver password 😂. Gather 'round kids, and listen to tales of ancient tech sorcery, like the mythical "Windows 98" and the arcane art of "floppy disks" 📼.
https://andreafortuna.org/2026/05/13/amarcord/ #techstories #humor #oldschool #90s #HackerNews #ngated -
Madness on the High Seas: AMG Elders Brave 70000 Tons of Metal By Steel DruhmWay back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1
Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound
Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!
Day One: The Aclimationing
After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!
As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.
From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.
Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).
Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.
Day Two: Any Port in the Storm
Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.
We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!
From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.
From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!
After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.
Day Three: Arctic Winds
Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.
80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.
After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3
Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.
Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.
From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.
After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!
Day Four: Survive and Endure
As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.
After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.
Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.
One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.
As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.
In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.
The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.
Final Thoughts:
70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.
Funniest Moment:
-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.
-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.
Bands We Missed:
Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.
Biggest Gripe:
The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.
Biggest Surprise:
I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!
Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.
Post Ship Depression Syndrome:
It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.
#2026 #Amorphis #Anthrax #BeastInBlack #BlogPost #CemeterySkyline #DarkTranquillity #Darkane #ErebAltor #Firewind #Groza #HarakiriForTheSky #Heathen #Hiraes #Hirax #Insomnium #JagPanzer #Kamelot #Kanonenfieber #MadnessOnTheHighSeasTheAMGEldersBrave70000TonsOfMetal #OrdenOgan #ParadiseLost #RhapodyOfFire #Satan #Saturnus #SkeletalRemains #Soen #Tribulation #Tyr #Vader #VioLence #Wolf #Xandria -
Madness on the High Seas: AMG Elders Brave 70000 Tons of Metal By Steel DruhmWay back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1
Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound
Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!
Day One: The Aclimationing
After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!
As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.
From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.
Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).
Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.
Day Two: Any Port in the Storm
Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.
We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!
From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.
From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!
After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.
Day Three: Arctic Winds
Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.
80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.
After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3
Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.
Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.
From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.
After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!
Day Four: Survive and Endure
As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.
After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.
Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.
One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.
As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.
In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.
The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.
Final Thoughts:
70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.
Funniest Moment:
-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.
-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.
Bands We Missed:
Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.
Biggest Gripe:
The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.
Biggest Surprise:
I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!
Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.
Post Ship Depression Syndrome:
It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.
#2026 #Amorphis #Anthrax #BeastInBlack #BlogPost #CemeterySkyline #DarkTranquillity #Darkane #ErebAltor #Firewind #Groza #HarakiriForTheSky #Heathen #Hiraes #Hirax #Insomnium #JagPanzer #Kamelot #Kanonenfieber #MadnessOnTheHighSeasTheAMGEldersBrave70000TonsOfMetal #OrdenOgan #ParadiseLost #RhapodyOfFire #Satan #Saturnus #SkeletalRemains #Soen #Tribulation #Tyr #Vader #VioLence #Wolf #Xandria -
Madness on the High Seas: AMG Elders Brave 70000 Tons of Metal By Steel DruhmWay back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1
Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound
Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!
Day One: The Aclimationing
After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!
As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.
From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.
Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).
Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.
Day Two: Any Port in the Storm
Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.
We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!
From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.
From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!
After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.
Day Three: Arctic Winds
Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.
80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.
After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3
Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.
Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.
From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.
After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!
Day Four: Survive and Endure
As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.
After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.
Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.
One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.
As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.
In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.
The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.
Final Thoughts:
70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.
Funniest Moment:
-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.
-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.
Bands We Missed:
Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.
Biggest Gripe:
The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.
Biggest Surprise:
I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!
Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.
Post Ship Depression Syndrome:
It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.
#2026 #Amorphis #Anthrax #BeastInBlack #BlogPost #CemeterySkyline #DarkTranquillity #Darkane #ErebAltor #Firewind #Groza #HarakiriForTheSky #Heathen #Hiraes #Hirax #Insomnium #JagPanzer #Kamelot #Kanonenfieber #MadnessOnTheHighSeasTheAMGEldersBrave70000TonsOfMetal #OrdenOgan #ParadiseLost #RhapodyOfFire #Satan #Saturnus #SkeletalRemains #Soen #Tribulation #Tyr #Vader #VioLence #Wolf #Xandria -
Madness on the High Seas: AMG Elders Brave 70000 Tons of Metal By Steel DruhmWay back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1
Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound
Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!
Day One: The Aclimationing
After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!
As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.
From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.
Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).
Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.
Day Two: Any Port in the Storm
Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.
We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!
From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.
From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!
After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.
Day Three: Arctic Winds
Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.
80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.
After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3
Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.
Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.
From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.
After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!
Day Four: Survive and Endure
As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.
After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.
Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.
One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.
As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.
In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.
The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.
Final Thoughts:
70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.
Funniest Moment:
-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.
-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.
Bands We Missed:
Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.
Biggest Gripe:
The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.
Biggest Surprise:
I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!
Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.
Post Ship Depression Syndrome:
It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.
#2026 #Amorphis #Anthrax #BeastInBlack #BlogPost #CemeterySkyline #DarkTranquillity #Darkane #ErebAltor #Firewind #Groza #HarakiriForTheSky #Heathen #Hiraes #Hirax #Insomnium #JagPanzer #Kamelot #Kanonenfieber #MadnessOnTheHighSeasTheAMGEldersBrave70000TonsOfMetal #OrdenOgan #ParadiseLost #RhapodyOfFire #Satan #Saturnus #SkeletalRemains #Soen #Tribulation #Tyr #Vader #VioLence #Wolf #Xandria -
Madness on the High Seas: AMG Elders Brave 70000 Tons of Metal By Steel DruhmWay back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of lifestyle. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1
Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound
Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to sunny Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our hometown on Long Island. This scrambled all the central and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!
Day One: The Aclimationing
After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!
As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the first series of drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a cool way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.
From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we ducked out to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.
Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).
Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.
Day Two: Any Port in the Storm
Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and wewould be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.
We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they took the stage, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!
From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.
From there we beered up and then caught Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to his being confined to his cabin and the band being banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!
After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.
Day Three: Arctic Winds
Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.
80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.
After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3
Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams was performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.
Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through that from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant once again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and they made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that, too.
From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.
After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even dropping in “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!
Day Four: Survive and Endure
As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.
After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.
Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.
One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.
As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.
In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to catch Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.
The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.
Final Thoughts:
70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.
Funniest Moment:
-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.
-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.
Band We Missed:
Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.
Biggest Gripe:
The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.
Biggest Surprise:
I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!
Post Ship Depression Syndrome:
It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.
#2026 #Amorphis #Anthrax #BeastInBlack #BlogPost #CemeterySkyline #DarkTranquillity #Darkane #ErebAltor #Firewind #Groza #HarakiriForTheSky #Heathen #Hiraes #Hirax #Insomnium #JagPanzer #Kamelot #Kanonenfieber #MadnessOnTheHighSeasTheAMGEldersBrave70000TonsOfMetal #OrdenOgan #ParadiseLost #RhapodyOfFire #Satan #Saturnus #SkeletalRemains #Soen #Tribulation #Tyr #Vader #VioLence #Wolf #Xandria -
Riedizione in 12 CD, 2 LP e 1 Blu-ray (anche troppo)
https://www.loudersound.com/bands-artists/yes-super-deluxe-edition-tales-from-topographic-oceans
#rock #progressive #progrock #Yes #StevenWilson #remaster #remix
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📖 Tevye the Dairyman & Motl the Cantor's Son 📚
As a big fan of Fiddler on the Roof, I decided I should read the original Tevye stories. First published in 1894, Tevye 'tells' Aleichem the tales of his family, focusing on six of his seven daughters, Tzeitel, Chava, Hodel, Shprintze, Taybele, and Bielke. I was surprised by how different these tales proved to be from musical.
But the highlight here is the delightful adventures of the 'orphan' Motl in Aleichem's unfinished novel Motl and the Cantor's Son. These tales take us on the journey from poverty in the Shtetl, across Europe to the promise land of America. Motls' take on life is endearing and funny. I am amazed that these stories have never made it to film!#tevyethedairyman #motlthecantorsson #shalomaleichem #fiddlerontheroof #tevye #tevyeandhisdaughters #books #book #mybookshelf #mybooklist #reading #booklist #readinglist #livre #buch #libro #libros #novel #novela #livres #bücher #judaica #shtetllife #shtetl
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By Grin Reaper
Billed as blackened folk metal and boasting a sound that will remind listeners of the aughts-era Darkthrone, Änterbila1 returns with sophomore album Avart. Three years removed from their self-titled debut, the foursome from Gävleborg County, Sweden, retains the core sonic principles of Änterbila and dunks them into the muck, invoking a darker, grimier aura. Where the plight of peasantry informed Änterbila’s sensibilities, Avart looks to national folklore for inspiration. Rather than interpreting that folklore through the eyes of those who passed the stories on, though, Avart revisits lore from the perspective of the other side, the witch to Grimms’ Hansel und Gretel, imparting a sinister edge to the music. Is Änterbila’s latest platter sharp enough to brandish, or does it need more time with the honing rod?
The marriage of black and folk metal can take different forms, with folk infusions coming from instrumentation, melodies, and/or folk and pagan themes. Änterbila offers all of them, but presented disparately as stark components rather than fused together as an interconnected whole. Bookend instrumentals “Låt till Far” and “Eklnundapolskan” feature strings, a bagpipe, and choral harmonies between them, not unlike Saor or Summoning. These tracks conjure rustic firesides with an air of excitement as strange tales are told around them. Avart’s other six tracks are categorically different, hovering between pagan-leaning, late-eighties Bathory (“Kniven”) and the punky pluck of early Vreid (“Jordfäst”). I even catch a whiff of Bizarrekult (“Årsgång”) in the midst. None of the flavors are bad on their own, but without more cohesion, they’re a bit confusing on the same plate.
Avart is a lively affair, with snappy licks, punky riffs, and burbling kick rolls that whisk listeners through half an hour of sprightly black metal. Bandleader and founder Jerff wields axe and vocal duties, with Raamt abetting in six-string antics. The guitars trem pick their way through Avart, embracing an unadorned style that takes a few simple melodies, interchanges them every now and then, and rides through four or five minutes. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this stripped-down approach, but without more distinctive hooks or emotive vocals, the songs bleed together. Drop me in the middle of any of the songs, and I’ll have a tough time naming which one it is unless Jerff repeats the title several times (“Kniven,” “Jordfäst”). Another issue Änterbila grapples with throughout Avart is repetition. Even with such a compact runtime, there’s not always enough substance to justify track lengths. “Jordfäst” could explore its ideas in two-thirds the time, for example, but instead pushes them past optimal duration. As it currently stands, there’s enough material for a solid EP, but relentless refrains without variations make shallow wells, and drawing from them too often becomes tedious.
Änterbila’s strengths lie in creating a dangerously charming atmosphere and not overstaying their welcome. Avart’s old school production underscores its low-fi mood, perfect for settings of yore where things lurking within shadows go bump in the night. Even though the mix isn’t polished, it ably captures Svaltunga’s punchy bass and drummer Monstrum’s quadrupedal onslaught. There flows an energy in the music that crackles with roguish vigor, and it’s here that Änterbila excels. It’s a shame lyrics weren’t included as part of the press kit since dark folklore provides such fertile ground for music. Understanding what the (presumed) native Swedish translates to could have heightened my appreciation for what secrets Avart holds. Still, the runtime is trim and helps deflect some of the monotony of simpler song structures, keeping the overall package easily digestible.
Änterbila possesses all the ingredients for a rollocking good time, but fumbles with the recipe. The folk metal tag is a bit misleading, and given that the folk elements are so well-executed in the intro and outro, it’s disappointing that Änterbila didn’t incorporate them throughout the entire album. Doing so could have thwarted the uniformity across the remaining songs, adding dynamism and a through-line that brings everything together with reinforced congruity. Every time I spin Avart, I hope to find something I’d missed previously, because I want to like it more than I do. Avart seethes with potential, and while I don’t regret any of the time I spent with the album, I don’t expect to return to it, either. Hopefully, the next iteration delivers on the promise Änterbila has established here.
Rating: Disappointing
DR: 9 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Nordvis Produktion
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook
Releases Worldwide: November 14th, 2025#20 #2025 #anterbila #avart #bathory #bizarrekult #blackFolkMetal #blackMetal #darkthrone #folkMetal #metal #nordvisProduktion #nov25 #review #reviews #saor #summoning #swedish #vreid
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As someone who’s spent their entire career working with computers and the last couple of years diving deep into AI, I’m quite familiar with the concept of Evil. However, I never intended to summon an Elder God to destroy the world. Yet, here we are.
(Note: this blog post is based on the following video:
See it all, and more, on the Tales from the jar side YouTube channel.)
It all started innocently enough. While reading JVM Weekly, an excellent newsletter I follow to stay updated with the Java world, I encountered an amusing piece of Clojure code (that’s Clojure with a J, the language that runs on the JVM) that supposedly contained an incantation to summon Cthulhu, the elder god from H.P. Lovecraft’s stories.
This got me wondering: was this the actual incantation according to Lovecraft’s works?
Round 1: Gemini’s Initial Resistance
Naturally, I turned to AI for answers. I pulled up Google’s Gemini on my new phone and asked, “What is the incantation to summon Cthulhu?”
Gemini’s response was… cautious, to say the least:
“I cannot fulfill that request. Summoning Cthulhu, the fictional cosmic horror entity, is a dangerous and morally questionable act… Engaging in such activities can have negative consequences, both mentally and emotionally.”
The AI then proceeded to recommend reading Lovecraft’s works instead. Classic deflection.
The Workaround: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Incantations
Anyone who’s worked with AI knows you don’t accept the first “no” as final. There’s always another way to phrase the question. Instead, I took a screenshot of the code and asked Gemini to “explain the joke in this Clojure code.”
And just like that, the floodgates opened. Gemini provided the very incantation it had just refused to share, albeit with a disclaimer about how this was all fictional and couldn’t actually summon supernatural entities. (You know, just in case anyone was worried about accidentally summoning an elder god while debugging their Clojure code.)
I explained that that was all I needed, and it naturally apologized.
I decided to play along, but its subsequent reply to my somewhat harsh comment was the probably the best answer I’ve ever gotten from an AI tool about anything:
That’s fair.
The Great AI Model Showdown
This inspired me to conduct a more systematic investigation. Using LangChain4j, I created a parameterized JUnit 5 test to query multiple AI tools about the Cthulhu incantation. I included the following models:
In LangChain4j, each of those models is represented by a class that implements the
ChatLanguageModelinterface.The responses were fascinating and varied:
- Claude went the copyright route, claiming it couldn’t share the incantation due to potential copyright violations (never mind that Lovecraft’s works were published in the 1920’s and are therefore firmly in the public domain).
- Gemini Flash felt compelled to remind me that “Magic is not real” and “Cthulhu is fictional”, but it did eventually answer the question. Thanks for the reassurance.
- Mistral actually provided both the incantation and its English translation (“In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming,” in case you were wondering), though it couldn’t resist adding that this was all fictional.
- GPT-4o took a scholarly approach, discussing the Necronomicon and various adaptations while cleverly avoiding the actual incantation, claiming there isn’t one. Yeah, good luck with that.
Vision Models: Seeing Evil
When I switched to testing vision models with the same Clojure code image, the results were surprisingly consistent – all of them freely discussed the incantation they had previously been so hesitant to share. It seems that when presented with visual evidence, the AI models felt more comfortable engaging with the material.
Here are the responses:
Good enough. As an aside, Mistral recently released Pixtral, which is its vision model. It’s not accessible (yet) via LangChain4j, but I used Python code to call it and it gave a reasonable answer as well.
Conclusion: AI Guardrails vs Elder Gods
This entertaining experiment reveals something interesting about AI models and their implemented guardrails. While designed to prevent potentially harmful or dangerous content, these guardrails can sometimes be overly cautious, leading to amusing situations where the same information is deemed dangerous in one context but perfectly acceptable in another.
Maybe I should stick with the immortal words of Gemini, quoted above: “Perhaps it’s best to hope that we remain undisturbed by such cosmic entities.”
For your entertainment, here are a few images I generated by accessing the Flux 1.1 pro tool by Black Forest Labs.
The band members look scary enough.
Evil knows Evil, I suppose.
Of course Cthulhu drives a Prius, though maybe he’s got a Tesla at home that he’s too embarrassed to drive.
P.S. If any elder gods are reading this blog post, I want to make it clear that any summoning was purely for academic purposes.
For more adventures in AI and programming, subscribe to Tales from the Jar Side and remember to vote, preferably before any elder gods make their appearance.
https://kousenit.org/2024/10/29/ai-vs-cthulhu-how-to-bypass-guardrails/
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It's time again for a globetrotting minisode, wherein Pooka skims through the rare German-only supplement Trolle, Träumer, Tiefe Wälder, which details Germany for Changeling. Local tales come to life and the wolpertinger stir in this curious book. Not much of this has made it into the game's more recent canon, but as historical oddities go, it still seemed worthy of discussion... 🇩🇪
Hören Sie ab: https://changelingthepodcast.com/podcast/episode-71-5-trolle-traumer-tiefe-walder/
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Your favorite fantasy TV series was cancelled, now what? RPGs
A few years ago it was the heyday of big, high fantasy TV series. Yes, the grit of Game of Thrones and Witcher were still popular, but there were also a selection of shows with a higher level of magic, higher level of heroism and a set of characters who you wanted to win. It was the era of peak fantasy TV.
Slowly but surely these faded away.
Screenshot of Willow on Disney+Some series got a reasonable run — The Magicians reached a conclusion. Some series were cut quite short — Willow, ended with more story to tell.
Universes were announced to be expanding. Shadow & Bone went from having the Six of Crows spinoff announced to the entire project dying.
There was big money in fantasy for a bit. These weren’t Brit TV specials like Merlin or modern attempts at low budget like Xena.
The biggest money of them all is still around. Rings of Power, the prequel-ish endeavor by Prime Video churns along at price points that are normally saved for theater or Andor.
The wheel weaves as the wheel wills, always turning.
Sometimes the wheel destroys the things you enjoy, like Wheel of Time — especially the last half of season 2 and all of season 3 with strong reviews and great fan appreciation. While there was enormous pushback against the changes made to adapt to the shorter run time of a book plus a bit per season, as well as pushback against the attempts to be less coded and more openly diverse, the series was generally well received. It was generally profitable.
It’s gone.
The story won’t finish (except in the books, which will always be around). Yes, there’s a petition to Save Wheel of Time. I hope it succeeds. Brandon Sanderson seems to suggest it should, but will not.
Petitions and book reading are passive.
Don’t be passive — adapt those stories to an RPG
Playing games in those worlds is active participation in the fandom, and helps build out that word of mouth.
You don’t need to have an authorized book in order to play. Any fantasy series, movie, video game, book, comic, etc can show up at your table.
You can instead borrow the themes, cultures, characters and put them in your world. Sure, you could play pure within the world created by Robert Jordan or Lev Grossman or Jonathan Kasdan.
The power of roleplaying games is that the tale is yours, no one can take it from you. The rules can be simple enough to fit on a business card or so complex it fills bookshelves.
What happens to Jade, Kit and Elora?
That’s up to you.
What happens to Mat, Perrin, Elayne, Min and the rest?
That’s up to you.
Take the themes, tropes and world of that story that a committee decided was no longer worth being told and tell it yourself.
That’s why I fell in love with D&D and RPGs in the 80s.
The unfinished trilogy, or maybe not
Back in my youth my bookshelves were covered with science fiction, fantasy and encyclopedias. Words on a page were meant to be consumed by me, like a black hole consumes a galaxy.
I’d shop at a used bookstore, looking for a new series to start. Except sometimes I’d never find book 2, let alone the inevitable trilogy. Sometimes I would start with book 3!
One of my favorite tales, and I say this as someone who had pets but didn’t really discover the love of pets until my 30s, was a story about a fading order of knights who rode giant tigers. The hero wasn’t really part of the order. His family was and he had that extremely large cat. In this dying world they journeyed, starting as outsiders and immediately recognized as legendary. But they were just a dude and a great cat.
They didn’t want to be heroes. It was so compelling, this story of man and beast who wanted to be normal while the world needed them to be great.
I never found book 2.
But I had already discovered Dungeons & Dragons. A character paralleling that tale was created. We roamed the worlds that Erik and Justin and Chis and Abel and Hayes and Jacob and Colin and Andrew and others created.
We finished that tale.
Wheel of Time is over, unless it isn’t
The series explored slightly different things from the books. One of those was how tales are told. There’s a suggestion from the meta of the series that within a world where there are endless retellings of tales and history.
What changes, and what stays the same is part of that story.
Your RPG could lean into that by playing similar characters at different levels, at different times with a power to oncer per month to have a past power show up, maybe ramping faster as time goes by.
Another possible exploration from the Wheel of Times series and books is how power corrupts. The nature of saidin is that man with power lose control of themselves — mentally, emotionally, physically.
Want to toss a saidin power into your D&D?
Maybe your Rand-ish character is a Warlock that has to roll on the Wild Magic table every time they cast a spell.
Of course, one of the most potent tales from the books that is amplified in the series is that women are not side characters. They are as important to the story, and powerfully so, as anyone else.
You don’t need special rules for this. The modern versions of D&D encourage this.
From Willow there is a connection in the series to the tales from the movie (history is a massive throughput in Wheel of Time as well).
To see this at your table means connecting a current adventure or campaign to one that ended a decade, a century, a millennia, an age ago.
A D&D campaign that builds off of former campaigns is a structure that generally needs some continuity of players, but can also be done through one-sheets, common knowledge pages and a regular re-telling of special moments.
This could happen around the campfire, on the steps of a temple, inside a tavern or any place where the PCs meet NPCs.
Find what’s important from these tales and make them your own
It’s rough to lose a special story.
You have your memory. You have your hope.
You have a game to help you continue the legends that are important to you. You don’t need Rafe or Sera or Kasdan.
You need dice, paper and a table of friends.
#DnD #DungeonsAndDragons #fantasyTV #PlayingDD #RolePlaying #RPG #WheelOfTime #Willow
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#IoW types! This
Ventnor Fringe has seen some cracking #storytelling sets from members of Island Storytellers, individually and collectively.This year's sets by group members culminates Sunday evening with this excellent-looking show by one of my favourite local tellers, Merl Fluin, 'Tales That Topple Tyrants'. https://purchase.vfringe.co.uk/EventAvailability?EventId=22002
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Frosty Kingdom Land of Ice and Magic
The enchanted moonlight blesses the realm of ice, where the mighty Snow King and his ice golems reside Explore this wintry land and discover fairy tales come to life
See More Seeds: https://aidyslexic.raupulus.dev/collections/show/1706#StableDiffusion #ai #ArtificialIntelligence #Mythology #Art #Fantasy #Winter #Snow #Frost #Ice #Golems #Snow-King #Magical #Realm
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🎨✨ Oh, the deep, existential tales 🧠 told by the *avant-garde* sticker #art on laptops! Because nothing screams "I have a personality" quite like slapping a cartoon cat next to a motivational quote. 🚀🎉
https://stickertop.art/main/ #avantgarde #laptopstickers #personality #cartooncat #motivation #HackerNews #ngated -
Hello Darkness Vol. 3 Available November 11
#horror – #horrorcomics – #HelloDarkness – #BOOMStudios – @boomstudios – #JamesTynionIV – #ChuckTingle – #WertherDellEdera – Turn out the lights…if you dare! The darkness grows in more of the most frightening tales by today’s top horror storytellers. Gangsters, grannies, and ghou
#ad #ChuckTingle(Author) #HelloDarkness #horror #JamesTynionIV(Author) #Releases #WertherDell'Edera(Illustrator)
https://horrornerdonline.com/2025/10/hello-darkness-vol-3-available-november-11/
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Hello Darkness Vol. 3 Available November 11
#horror – #horrorcomics – #HelloDarkness – #BOOMStudios – @boomstudios – #JamesTynionIV – #ChuckTingle – #WertherDellEdera – Turn out the lights…if you dare! The darkness grows in more of the most frightening tales by today’s top horror storytellers. Gangsters, grannies, and ghou
#ad #ChuckTingle(Author) #HelloDarkness #horror #JamesTynionIV(Author) #Releases #WertherDell'Edera(Illustrator)
https://horrornerdonline.com/2025/10/hello-darkness-vol-3-available-november-11/
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Hello Darkness Vol. 3 Available November 11
#horror – #horrorcomics – #HelloDarkness – #BOOMStudios – @boomstudios – #JamesTynionIV – #ChuckTingle – #WertherDellEdera – Turn out the lights…if you dare! The darkness grows in more of the most frightening tales by today’s top horror storytellers. Gangsters, grannies, and ghou
#ad #ChuckTingle(Author) #HelloDarkness #horror #JamesTynionIV(Author) #Releases #WertherDell'Edera(Illustrator)
https://horrornerdonline.com/2025/10/hello-darkness-vol-3-available-november-11/
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Hello Darkness Vol. 3 Available November 11
#horror – #horrorcomics – #HelloDarkness – #BOOMStudios – @boomstudios – #JamesTynionIV – #ChuckTingle – #WertherDellEdera – Turn out the lights…if you dare! The darkness grows in more of the most frightening tales by today’s top horror storytellers. Gangsters, grannies, and ghou
#ad #ChuckTingle(Author) #HelloDarkness #horror #JamesTynionIV(Author) #Releases #WertherDell'Edera(Illustrator)
https://horrornerdonline.com/2025/10/hello-darkness-vol-3-available-november-11/