#saturnus — Public Fediverse posts

05.30: De #Maan staat 4,5gr N van #Saturnus (+0,9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld Walvis. De dichtste nadering vindt om 21:20 plaats, onder de horizon en i/d schemering. De samenstand is met veel moeite te zien rond 5:30 uur, of op 14 mei rond 5 uur. Het tweetal staat i/h eerste geval zo'n 9gr boven de oostelijke horizon, 9,0gr van elkaar vandaan. In het andere geval is de samenstand te zien op een hoogte van ongeveer 4gr i/h oosten, zo'n 7,1gr... Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

05.30: De #Maan staat 4,5gr N van #Saturnus (+0,9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld Walvis. De dichtste nadering vindt om 21:20 plaats, onder de horizon en i/d schemering. De samenstand is met veel moeite te zien rond 5:30 uur, of op 14 mei rond 5 uur. Het tweetal staat i/h eerste geval zo'n 9gr boven de oostelijke horizon, 9,0gr van elkaar vandaan. In het andere geval is de samenstand te zien op een hoogte van ongeveer 4gr i/h oosten, zo'n 7,1gr... Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

05.30: De #Maan staat 4,5gr N van #Saturnus (+0,9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld Walvis. De dichtste nadering vindt om 21:20 plaats, onder de horizon en i/d schemering. De samenstand is met veel moeite te zien rond 5:30 uur, of op 14 mei rond 5 uur. Het tweetal staat i/h eerste geval zo'n 9gr boven de oostelijke horizon, 9,0gr van elkaar vandaan. In het andere geval is de samenstand te zien op een hoogte van ongeveer 4gr i/h oosten, zo'n 7,1gr... Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

13.31: #Mercurius staat 28' ten zuidoosten van #Saturnus (+0.9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld Walvis. De dichtste nadering vindt om 13:31 plaats, op een hoogte van 37gr, maar bij daglicht. De samenstand is vanuit de Benelux niet of nauwelijks zichtbaar. De helderheid van #Mercurius is nu -0 Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

00.20: #Mars staat 1.2gr ten noordwesten van #Saturnus (+0.9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld Walvis. De dichtste nadering vindt om 00:20 plaats, onder de horizon. Bij ons is de samenstand niet of nauwelijks zichtbaar. #Mars heeft op dit moment een helderheid van +1 Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

04.11: De #Maan staat 3.7gr ten noordwesten van #Saturnus (+0.9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld Walvis. De dichtste nadering vindt om 04:11 plaats, onder de horizon. De samenstand is vanuit de Lage Landen vrijwel onzichtba Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

SolNegre – Anthems for the Grand Collapse Review

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a…
#NewsBeep #News #Music #2026 #3.5 #AnthemsfortheGrandCollapse #Apr26 #AU #Australia #BeachBoys #DoomMetal #Ennui #Entertainment #MeuseMusic #MyDyingBride #NovembersDoom #review #reviews #Saturnus #SolNegre #SpanishMetal
https://www.newsbeep.com/au/583471/

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

09.55: #Saturnus is in conjunctie met de #Zon en beweegt er achterlangs. De planeet is hierdoor op dit moment onzichtbaar. #Saturnus, de #Zon en de #Aarde staan nu op een lijn. De planeet wordt niet bedekt door de zonneschijf, maar beweegt er langs, 2,1gr Z ervan. Dit is een moment waarop een buitenplaneet ver (10,5 AE, ofwel 1569 miljoen km) v/d #Aarde staat en een kleine diameter heeft (15 Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of lifestyle. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to sunny Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our hometown on Long Island. This scrambled all the central and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the first series of drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a cool way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we ducked out to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and wewould be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they took the stage, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to his being confined to his cabin and the band being banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams was performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through that from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant once again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and they made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even dropping in “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to catch Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Band We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

New post: Gig Review: Swallow the Sun / Saturnus / Opia – Rescue Rooms, Nottingham (20th December 2025) https://moshville.co.uk/reviews/gig-review/2025/12/gig-review-swallow-the-sun-saturnus-opia-rescue-rooms-nottingham-20th-december-2025/ #Opia #Saturnus #SwallowTheSun

https://www.europesays.com/nl/53033/ Kauan – Wayhome | Zware Metalen #2025 #agalloch #alcest #Amusement #anathema #ArtoffactRecords #atmospheric #AtmosphericPostRock #atoma #doom #Dutch #eldamar #empyrium #Entertainment #finland #kauan #Music #Muziek #Nederland #Nederlanden #Nederlands #Netherlands #NL #PostRock #recensie #saturnus #sólstafir #tenhi #ulver #wayhome #ZwareMetalen

Veel rivieren op Titan eindigen niet in delta’s

De kustlijnen van de Aarde zijn fascinerende plekken waar vloeistoffen zich vermengen en materialen worden gevormd tot verschillende landvormen, zoals rivierdelta’s. Vergelijkbare actieve kustlijnen komen voor op de Saturnusmaan Titan, waar vloeibare koolwaterstoffen (met

https://www.kuuke.nl/veel-rivieren-op-titan-eindigen-niet-in-deltas/

#cassini #deltas #ethaan #maan #methaan #rivierdata #saturnus #titan #viervieren #zonnestelsel

Poljin 3,4-sisäpyöräilyn. Kävin kävelyllä, Prismassa, ja noudin toisen poolon. Pyykkäsin. Illalla tiirailin Nallikarissa Saturnuksen peittymistä.

https://marginaa.li/2025/01/04/4-tammikuuta-2025/

Tyhjensin pyykkitelineitä. Perkasin eilisiltaisia kuvia. Käväisin Prismassa. Pyykkäsin. Koodasin. Käänsin Kodin. Kävin suihkussa.

https://marginaa.li/2024/09/22/22-syyskuuta-2024-awake-before-im-down/

Altar of Betelgeuze – Echoes Review

By Dear Hollow

My experience in the doomier side of death metal is skewed. While many of the olde drank deep of the greats in the canon of Incantation, Asphyx, or diSEMBOWELMENT, my first experiences in the low and slow were Saturnus, Swallow the Sun, and Evoken’s more contemporary fare.1 One classic album that did speak to me in hushed whispers through its grimy and thickly menacing approach to death metal was Winter’s sole 1990 LP Into Darkness. A similar harbinger of the sound like many of the above, it relied more on death metal than doom, utilizing the latter only to bring out the sickness with each movement. Finland’s Altar of Betelgeuze utilizes this classic template of riff-first fed headfirst into the doom machine, but they do so by adding a slight green fuzz to their proceedings.

Echoes is the quartet’s third full-length since the act’s conception in 2010. While featuring the armaments and cavernous bellows of Incantation or Winter, it also is armed with a stoner doom fuzz and vocal influence from Candlemass. However, you can be sure that the “married iguana” haze does not subtract from Altar of Betelgeuze’s intention of crushing your skull in. Each of Echoes’ tracks features thick and punishing riffs with charismatic death metal vocal performances, with a fuzzy sprawl reminiscent of acts like Weedeater and Om. Ultimately, Echoes is by no means a genre-defining or challenging album, but it finds Altar of Betelgeuze tapping into earthmoving heaviness.

There are no frills on Echoes – no fancy-ass intros, ambient interludes, or atmospheric pretense. Altar of Betelgeuze wastes no time hitting you with a skull-crushing riff in opener “On the Verge,” a pummeling affair of mammoth echoing drums, thick riffs with a gritty undertone, and hellish bellows commanding the movements. This punishment continues in “Embrace the Flames,” a more upbeat precipice of death metal. “Conclusion” offers a more crawling and sprawling stoner approach, dwelling in a subtle plucking style that capitalizes on the riff – a torch that “A Reflection” carries on with more fuzzy riffs and drawling leads. The title track is the album climax, a patient nine-minute odyssey that never lets up on its density, its stoner influence weaponized to saturate every negative space. Altar of Betelgeuze’s no-frills approach, combined with its mammoth production unafraid of grit or grime, makes for Echoes to be a force to be reckoned with.

Two tracks that call the album into question are not due to lack of quality, but simply their placement, namely alongside the highlight “Echoes.” Case in point, “Salvation” is by no means a poor track, but its jarring stoner-doom focus and Candlemass-esque barked vocals with a stark lack of death metal make its relatively toothless sound forgettable. Similarly, and more problematic, “Fading Light” must attempt to take up the mantle after “Echoes,” but its replication of the previously focused riffs pales in comparison due its sudden lack of exploratory songwriting, making its inclusion questionable. At least “Salvation” is a unique inclusion in stoner fuzz and barked vocals, while “Fading Light” feels almost entirely unnecessary. On a nitpicking level, “Conclusion” may feel underwhelming after “On the Verge,” while “A Reflection” is its weaker and more forgettable version. Although commanding, the vocals of Matias Nastolin are just a tad too loud in the mix, somewhat drowning out the riffs periodically.

Even if my perception of death/doom is skewed, I still had a great time with Echoes. Altar of Betelgeuze doesn’t pretend to be the best thing since Incantation. The trio offers a slow-motion beatdown that will get your head bobbing in a doom-centric style that doesn’t feel too slow, but rather finds the sweet spot of tempos that capitalizes upon the groove. Featuring a nice set of tracks that neatly weaponize stoner and traditional doom in ways that saturate rather than dominate, the focus is refreshingly straightforward and tastefully pummeling. Playing it close to the vest until the epic “Echoes,” Altar of Betelgeuze offers not the next chapter of doom, but a reason why people love it.

Rating: 3.0/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Self-Released
Websites: altarofbetelgeuze.bandcamp.com | facebook.com/AoBofficial
Releases Worldwide: March 22nd, 2024

#2024 #30 #AltarOfBetelgeuze #Asphyx #Candlemass #DeathMetal #DeathDoomMetal #diSEMBOWELMENT #DoomMetal #Echoes #Evoken #FinnishMetal #Incantation #Mar24 #Om #Review #Reviews #Saturnus #SelfRelease #StonerDoomMetal #SwallowTheSun #Weedeater #Winter

Altar of Betelgeuze – Echoes Review

By Dear Hollow

My experience in the doomier side of death metal is skewed. While many of the olde drank deep of the greats in the canon of Incantation, Asphyx, or diSEMBOWELMENT, my first experiences in the low and slow were Saturnus, Swallow the Sun, and Evoken’s more contemporary fare.1 One classic album that did speak to me in hushed whispers through its grimy and thickly menacing approach to death metal was Winter’s sole 1990 LP Into Darkness. A similar harbinger of the sound like many of the above, it relied more on death metal than doom, utilizing the latter only to bring out the sickness with each movement. Finland’s Altar of Betelgeuze utilizes this classic template of riff-first fed headfirst into the doom machine, but they do so by adding a slight green fuzz to their proceedings.

Echoes is the quartet’s third full-length since the act’s conception in 2010. While featuring the armaments and cavernous bellows of Incantation or Winter, it also is armed with a stoner doom fuzz and vocal influence from Candlemass. However, you can be sure that the “married iguana” haze does not subtract from Altar of Betelgeuze’s intention of crushing your skull in. Each of Echoes’ tracks features thick and punishing riffs with charismatic death metal vocal performances, with a fuzzy sprawl reminiscent of acts like Weedeater and Om. Ultimately, Echoes is by no means a genre-defining or challenging album, but it finds Altar of Betelgeuze tapping into earthmoving heaviness.

There are no frills on Echoes – no fancy-ass intros, ambient interludes, or atmospheric pretense. Altar of Betelgeuze wastes no time hitting you with a skull-crushing riff in opener “On the Verge,” a pummeling affair of mammoth echoing drums, thick riffs with a gritty undertone, and hellish bellows commanding the movements. This punishment continues in “Embrace the Flames,” a more upbeat precipice of death metal. “Conclusion” offers a more crawling and sprawling stoner approach, dwelling in a subtle plucking style that capitalizes on the riff – a torch that “A Reflection” carries on with more fuzzy riffs and drawling leads. The title track is the album climax, a patient nine-minute odyssey that never lets up on its density, its stoner influence weaponized to saturate every negative space. Altar of Betelgeuze’s no-frills approach, combined with its mammoth production unafraid of grit or grime, makes for Echoes to be a force to be reckoned with.

Two tracks that call the album into question are not due to lack of quality, but simply their placement, namely alongside the highlight “Echoes.” Case in point, “Salvation” is by no means a poor track, but its jarring stoner-doom focus and Candlemass-esque barked vocals with a stark lack of death metal make its relatively toothless sound forgettable. Similarly, and more problematic, “Fading Light” must attempt to take up the mantle after “Echoes,” but its replication of the previously focused riffs pales in comparison due its sudden lack of exploratory songwriting, making its inclusion questionable. At least “Salvation” is a unique inclusion in stoner fuzz and barked vocals, while “Fading Light” feels almost entirely unnecessary. On a nitpicking level, “Conclusion” may feel underwhelming after “On the Verge,” while “A Reflection” is its weaker and more forgettable version. Although commanding, the vocals of Matias Nastolin are just a tad too loud in the mix, somewhat drowning out the riffs periodically.

Even if my perception of death/doom is skewed, I still had a great time with Echoes. Altar of Betelgeuze doesn’t pretend to be the best thing since Incantation. The trio offers a slow-motion beatdown that will get your head bobbing in a doom-centric style that doesn’t feel too slow, but rather finds the sweet spot of tempos that capitalizes upon the groove. Featuring a nice set of tracks that neatly weaponize stoner and traditional doom in ways that saturate rather than dominate, the focus is refreshingly straightforward and tastefully pummeling. Playing it close to the vest until the epic “Echoes,” Altar of Betelgeuze offers not the next chapter of doom, but a reason why people love it.

Rating: 3.0/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Self-Released
Websites: altarofbetelgeuze.bandcamp.com | facebook.com/AoBofficial
Releases Worldwide: March 22nd, 2024

#2024 #30 #AltarOfBetelgeuze #Asphyx #Candlemass #DeathMetal #DeathDoomMetal #diSEMBOWELMENT #DoomMetal #Echoes #Evoken #FinnishMetal #Incantation #Mar24 #Om #Review #Reviews #Saturnus #SelfRelease #StonerDoomMetal #SwallowTheSun #Weedeater #Winter

Altar of Betelgeuze – Echoes Review

By Dear Hollow

My experience in the doomier side of death metal is skewed. While many of the olde drank deep of the greats in the canon of Incantation, Asphyx, or diSEMBOWELMENT, my first experiences in the low and slow were Saturnus, Swallow the Sun, and Evoken’s more contemporary fare.1 One classic album that did speak to me in hushed whispers through its grimy and thickly menacing approach to death metal was Winter’s sole 1990 LP Into Darkness. A similar harbinger of the sound like many of the above, it relied more on death metal than doom, utilizing the latter only to bring out the sickness with each movement. Finland’s Altar of Betelgeuze utilizes this classic template of riff-first fed headfirst into the doom machine, but they do so by adding a slight green fuzz to their proceedings.

Echoes is the quartet’s third full-length since the act’s conception in 2010. While featuring the armaments and cavernous bellows of Incantation or Winter, it also is armed with a stoner doom fuzz and vocal influence from Candlemass. However, you can be sure that the “married iguana” haze does not subtract from Altar of Betelgeuze’s intention of crushing your skull in. Each of Echoes’ tracks features thick and punishing riffs with charismatic death metal vocal performances, with a fuzzy sprawl reminiscent of acts like Weedeater and Om. Ultimately, Echoes is by no means a genre-defining or challenging album, but it finds Altar of Betelgeuze tapping into earthmoving heaviness.

There are no frills on Echoes – no fancy-ass intros, ambient interludes, or atmospheric pretense. Altar of Betelgeuze wastes no time hitting you with a skull-crushing riff in opener “On the Verge,” a pummeling affair of mammoth echoing drums, thick riffs with a gritty undertone, and hellish bellows commanding the movements. This punishment continues in “Embrace the Flames,” a more upbeat precipice of death metal. “Conclusion” offers a more crawling and sprawling stoner approach, dwelling in a subtle plucking style that capitalizes on the riff – a torch that “A Reflection” carries on with more fuzzy riffs and drawling leads. The title track is the album climax, a patient nine-minute odyssey that never lets up on its density, its stoner influence weaponized to saturate every negative space. Altar of Betelgeuze’s no-frills approach, combined with its mammoth production unafraid of grit or grime, makes for Echoes to be a force to be reckoned with.

Two tracks that call the album into question are not due to lack of quality, but simply their placement, namely alongside the highlight “Echoes.” Case in point, “Salvation” is by no means a poor track, but its jarring stoner-doom focus and Candlemass-esque barked vocals with a stark lack of death metal make its relatively toothless sound forgettable. Similarly, and more problematic, “Fading Light” must attempt to take up the mantle after “Echoes,” but its replication of the previously focused riffs pales in comparison due its sudden lack of exploratory songwriting, making its inclusion questionable. At least “Salvation” is a unique inclusion in stoner fuzz and barked vocals, while “Fading Light” feels almost entirely unnecessary. On a nitpicking level, “Conclusion” may feel underwhelming after “On the Verge,” while “A Reflection” is its weaker and more forgettable version. Although commanding, the vocals of Matias Nastolin are just a tad too loud in the mix, somewhat drowning out the riffs periodically.

Even if my perception of death/doom is skewed, I still had a great time with Echoes. Altar of Betelgeuze doesn’t pretend to be the best thing since Incantation. The trio offers a slow-motion beatdown that will get your head bobbing in a doom-centric style that doesn’t feel too slow, but rather finds the sweet spot of tempos that capitalizes upon the groove. Featuring a nice set of tracks that neatly weaponize stoner and traditional doom in ways that saturate rather than dominate, the focus is refreshingly straightforward and tastefully pummeling. Playing it close to the vest until the epic “Echoes,” Altar of Betelgeuze offers not the next chapter of doom, but a reason why people love it.

Rating: 3.0/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Self-Released
Websites: altarofbetelgeuze.bandcamp.com | facebook.com/AoBofficial
Releases Worldwide: March 22nd, 2024

#2024 #30 #AltarOfBetelgeuze #Asphyx #Candlemass #DeathMetal #DeathDoomMetal #diSEMBOWELMENT #DoomMetal #Echoes #Evoken #FinnishMetal #Incantation #Mar24 #Om #Review #Reviews #Saturnus #SelfRelease #StonerDoomMetal #SwallowTheSun #Weedeater #Winter

One List to Debase Them All: AngryMetal Guy.com’s Aggregated Top 20 of 2023

By El Cuervo

This aggregation exercise represents my favorite article of the year. I enjoy identifying and highlighting those chosen few records worthy of additional recognition. But most of all I enjoy the sense of power derived from early access to other writers’ list data without the obligations flowing from being an editor. To my satisfaction, this list represents a diverse mix compared with certain previous years. Much ground is covered, from myriad metal sub-genres (death, black, doom, prog) to myriad tones (energetic, strange, historical, sadboi). I enjoy the variety, even if I don’t the specific choices. That said, we’re not helping our own argument against accusations that we despise all power and folk metal – with just one album from both sub-genres in the top 20 and an abundance selected by just a couple of people below this.

The most critical observation is that, compared with 2022, there are ~20% fewer unique records and voting points attributable to the top 10 albums is ~10% higher. This indicates greater alignment this year, with fewer albums chosen and stronger communal favorites. No doubt this is attributable to our loss of individuality and gradual morphing into one awful hivemind.

In a last ditch effort to save my own reputation at the cost of my colleagues, I want to emphasize that I personally had a distinct deviation from this aggregated list. As orchestrator of this article with early access to the data, I did attempt to identify why it was that some of these albums apparently had an impact on everyone else. The only conclusion I can draw following these attempts is that my faceless colleagues seek the average. They should try harder to be deliberately contrary next year; I expect that they’ll maliciously comply by picking the same 20 albums 20 times just to spite me.

–El Cuervo

#20. Crypta // Shades of Sorrow – “While Crypta is still fetid, OSDM adherents, Shades of Sorrow also amps both the black and thrash influences, resulting in a compelling sophomore effort that packs a significant, unforgettable punch” (Felagund).

#19. Onheil // In Black Ashes – “In Black Ashes is melodic black/death/speed/thrash at its finest. Onheil’s mastery of melody and songwriting elevates In Black Ashes into the stratosphere. Every track is a winner, and Onheil strikes an impossible balance between enthralling riffs and emotional heft” (Maddog).

#18. Ascension // Under the Veil of Madness – “There’s not one song on here that isn’t currently stuck in my head. Its huge choruses, hooky verses, and lightning fast shreddery have probably bonded with my DNA by this point” (Kenstrosity).

#17. Somnuri // Desiderirum – “The addition of (Soundgarden-esque) throwback radio alt-rock into their roiling pot of hardcore and progressive sludge makes Desiderium these Brooklynites’ strongest outing to date. It’s rare that an album this aggressive and energetic goes down this smooth” (Cherd).

#16. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – “Warcrab boasts fighting spirit, sharp claws, and a crustacean shell that’s fitted for turret combat. They’re obviously game for a scrap, but–as Cherd pointed out in his review–the band doesn’t have much competition in their death-sludge niche” (Ferox).

#15. Tribunal // The Weight of Remembrance – “With heavy doses of classic Candlemass and moments that recall the grim haunts of Fvneral Fvkk, Weight of Remembrance does so many things exceptionally well. There’s nothing I would change or trim on Weight of Remembrance, and if anything, I wish it was a little longer. Doom perfection” (Steel Druhm).

#14. Panopticon // The Rime of Memory – “Panopticon—particularly on more recent records—seems to have a unique ability to tug on my heartstrings and to blend the most ferocious of black metal with the most serene and evocative Appalachian folk. The Rime of Memory more than matched my lofty hopes” (Thus Spoke).

#13. Godthrymm // Distortions – “With meaty riffs, soaring leads, a fantastic rhythm section, and keyboardist Catherine Glencross’ angelic voice, this classic-doom-meets-classic-Pallbearer configuration landed my top spot as soon as I finished listening to it for the first time” (Grymm).

#12. Saturnus // The Storm Within – “The opening tracks comprise the best one-two punch of the year, while the back half of the album feels like an unraveling and stripping down. The Storm Within is a magnificently monolithic and aptly dreary return to form from Saturnus” (Dear Hollow).

#11. Night Crowned // Tales – “The intense blasting and no-holds-barred shrieking always hold a melodic thread that makes it more than a wall of noise, whether it be from extra vocal layers, subtly interweaved symphonics, or a goddamn hurdy-gurdy that works way better than it should” (GardensTale).

#10. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – [#1, #2, #8, #8, #9, #HM, #HM, #HM, #HM] – Miracle of Death earns the dubious honor of winning more list mentions than the six records ahead of it, but only reaches this tenth spot due to generally low rankings. Undeterred, Steel Druhm highlights the band’s unusual combination of sounds, describing a “strange witch’s brew of genres and styles that is unique and enchanting… It’s doom, it’s goth rock, it’s 70s acid rock all wrapped into one enigmatic, ethereal burrito.” Despite the allusion to hot food, Twelve instead reckons that the album “takes me to a cold place. It’s emotional, but it feels like numbness; it’s quiet, but leaves a huge impression… any time I’ve felt low throughout the year, Vanishing Kids has been there.” This sense of something beyond easy description is mirrored by Carcharodon, who argues that the band “have that very rare something, that je ne sais quoi…. to create something truly unique requires genuine craft and these guys have it in spades.” Check out metal’s innovators.

#9. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – [#1, #4, #6, #7, #8, #ish, #HM, #HM] – Serving arguably the heaviest slot on this list1, Convocation and No Dawn for the Caliginous Night offered a mighty force of doom in 2023. Dear Hollow illustrates the heavier qualities of the release (“No Dawn for the Caliginous Night channels mammoth death-doom and despondent funeral doom to accomplish a weight both viciously devastating and patiently atmospheric”) while Kenstrosity instead prefers the counter-weight of both sides of the sound (“[their] deeply affecting use of orchestration and clean vocals to light up my nervous system while the heft of [their] tectonic death doom strives to end my life”). Bands like this remind us of our humanity and our finite nature; few records could be pitched as “a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels” but Convocation does this as Cherd‘s AotY. Step back, breathe deeply, and simply listen. No Dawn for the Caliginous Night exists in these moments.

#8. Afterbirth // In But Not Of – [#1, #1, #2, #3] – Inspiring a deep love among its few accolytes, Afterbirth reached this list through just a few list-topping selections. In But Not Of offers brutal death metal that isn’t just smart compared with its own – often blunt – sub-genre, but that is smart compared with anything. “For a band that traffics in slammy, knuckle-dragging brutal death, In But Not Of carries with it an undeniable progressive, cerebral quality, which feels like a logical outgrowth from their previous effort” (Felagund). Indeed, Doom et Al finds its progressive qualities its most compelling, describing that “while the first half of brutal, spacy, wacky death metal is great, the second half, with its explorations into post-metal and prog is where real greatness happens”. Nuanced, layered music invites exploration, and even our resident death metal enthusiasts concur: “Afterbirth crams an abundance of riches into a brutal death metal album that twists and transmutes… I continue to find surprises almost every time I revisit In But Not Of” (Ferox). This album exemplifies the power of invention and intrigue.

#7. Sermon // Of Golden Verse – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #9] – Boasting AMG.com’s prog o’ the year award, Of Golden Verse by Sermon is the sole album here also picked by yours truly. I found that “Sermon’s undulating song-writing style results in music that ebbs from steely, tense atmospheres and flows to passionate, cathartic explosions. Dramatic, sure. But exciting.” Saunders, awarding his album o’ the year, favors the record’s singularity, given that “Sermon boasts a unique sound they can call their own, where dark, eerie and deadly serious vibes and almost melodramatic flair flows through towering, intelligent, and emotive prog metal epics.” But even more than its dynamic songs and novelty, GardensTale underlines the most beguiling quality of Of Golden Verse: “What attracts me the most is the sense of threat. Sermon looms a great dark ominous wall that swallows the background and casts everything in shade. For an album to hold its breath even while beating you down is exquisite.” Few records are so powerful.

#6. Xoth // Exogalactic – [#1, #3, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #ish] – The first of three techy, deathy albums in a row, Exogalactic by Xoth consolidates the band as a bona fide site favorite. “Xoth’s brand of technical blackened death-thrash is a sci-fi spectacle. Exogalactic’s futuristic riffs, twisting melodies, and narrative arcs make it feel like reptilian aliens are indeed enslaving humans as gladiators… Every time I listen to Exogalactic, I can’t help but grin” (Maddog). More than simple smiles, Dr. Wvrm never hides his arousal around riffs. Of Exogalactic, he describes it as “prostrate before that holiest of holy, The Riff. So of course, the end product [is] impeccable, incredible, impossibly fucking good.” AMG Himself delights in “the consistently best thrashy melodic death metal this world has heard since the early-90s” and continues that “Xoth has started to cement themselves as one of my favorite bands.” This entire website has flown from His opinions so take heed; buy Xoth now.

#5. Wormhole // Almost Human – [#2, #4, #5, #5, #5, #9, #ish, #HM] – It takes a special kind of slam to breach the AMG aggregated list but Wormhole is a special sort of band. Having banged his drum about Almost Human almost all year, Kenstrosity surprisingly failed to AotY this album. But in doing so he was highly complimentary, noting that “Almost Human confirms that with the right songwriting, slam can be thoughtful, intentional, intricate, and enriching. Thanks to a healthy infusion of tech by way of tricky, but subtle maneuvers rather than straight-up wanking speed, Wormhole’s whimsically brutal metal suddenly transforms into something polished, elevated, and immersive.” Emphasizing the record’s heavier qualities, the ever-eloquent Saunders describes the release as a “visceral, ridiculously heavy, sci-fi-themed tech-slam assault.” And while we rightly review albums in their entirety rather than song-by-song, Dolphin Whisperer “repeatedly binged those first two singles as if they were a whole album to themselves.” It’s hard to deny songs so heavy but so gripping.2

#4. Carnosus // Visions of Infinihility – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #5, #7, #ish] – Visions of Infinihility offered some of 2023’s meatiest death metal. Angry Metal Guy was emphatic in His summary, penning that “the term tour de force was coined to describe albums like Visions of Infinihility. Sometimes an album simply rules and your record o’ the year choice is uncomplicated. Carnosus’ sophomore album is such an album.” As if this statement was insufficient, I’ll rely on Cherd to describe the thing: “a tech-death barn burner… tight, vicious, and catchy, this record also features [one of the] best harsh vocal performance of the year.”3 Some people – including me – are nonplussed by tech death, but Ferox has us poor bastards covered too: “every one of the nine tracks on Visions of Infinihility stands up to heavy listening… It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing four thousand dollar headphones or a bullet belt. Visions of Infinihility should appeal to wonks, diehards, and metalheads all across the spectrum.” You heard the man.

#3. Sodomisery // Mazzaroth – [#1, #2, #2, #6, #8, #8, #8, #10, #HM] – Sporting 2023’s shitty band name o’ the year, Sodomisery pulled no punches with their new record called Mazzaroth. Dr A.N. Grier describes how “with Mazzaroth came a new approach, emphasizing the black, death, and melodeath with massive orchestration atmospheres.” Its size warranted comment from other writers too; Twelve highlights “the vocal performance, the orchestrations, the songwriting—everything on Mazzaroth is top-tier, larger-than-life, incredible black metal.” More than anything, great music orbits around great song-writing and nowhere is that more apparent than with Sodomisery. Winning his favorite record of the year, newbie Iceberg commends this aspect. “The 36 minutes of Mazzaroth are as lean and mean as you can get… In the age of endless bloat, Sodomisery sharpen their knives and kill all their babies Spartan-style, leaving only razor-sharp riffing and inescapable songwriting in their wake.” You heard it here first; these Swedes killed their babies in pursuit of The Riff.

#2. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – [#1, #3, #3, #4, #4, #5, #5, #7, #10] – Residing in the top half of 7 lists, Air Not Meant for Us represented the best of 2023’s death and doom metal. Grymm compares these Connecticutens to sadboi legends, articulating that “Fires in the Distance took what makes Insomnium and Omnium Gatherum and added their own unique embellishments to create a truly captivating album.” Thus Spoke highlights its “distinctive form of ethereal, key-accented melodeath/doom”, but favors most how it’s “elegantly composed, stirring, and effortlessly graceful.” She wasn’t the only person to bond with this record. Doom et Al agreed that there are clear influences but still bestowed his top prize: “It isn’t particularly original, but I don’t care. Art is about the connection it forges with the person engaging with it, and I feel every note of Air Not Meant for Us in my marrow. There’s a longing and a beauty here that I connected with immediately.” Who am I – and who are you – to deny his emotions?

#1. Wayfarer // American Gothic – [#1, #1, #2, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #6, #7, #7, #7] – With 12 main list picks, 7 top 5s and 2 AotYs, there was little doubt that Wayfarer would take the aggregated top spot for 2023. Carcharodon posits that while its predecessor may have been “close to fulfilling the promise of their Wild West black metal, American Gothic is the album where everything that Wayfarer has struggled to bring together for years finally clicked into place.” Why is this? Awarding his AotY, Sentynel attributes it to “utterly seamless” genre blending. “This is the best of bleak country painted with the instrumentation of black metal. Electric guitars pick up melody lines from banjos with a twang. Distorted slide guitars get that pedal steel feeling. There’s even a honky-tonk piano.” Lesser bands have gimmicks; Wayfarer’s central synthesis is essential. “Black metal should not go well with the Old West. Wayfarer crafted not only their best album to date, but also an absorbing, engrossing classic that begs to be absorbed in full with your complete, utmost attention” (Grymm). If you miss this, we’ll see you at dawn. With pistols.

#2023 #Afterbirth #AngryMetalGuySTop10Ish_ #Ascension #BlogPosts #Carnosus #Convocation #Crypta #FiresInTheDistance #Godthrymm #Lists #Listurnalia #NightCrowned #Onheil #Panopticon #Saturnus #Sermon #Sodomisery #Somnuri #Tribunal #VanishingKids #Warcrab #Wayfarer #Wormhole #Xoth

One List to Debase Them All: AngryMetal Guy.com’s Aggregated Top 20 of 2023

By El Cuervo

This aggregation exercise represents my favorite article of the year. I enjoy identifying and highlighting those chosen few records worthy of additional recognition. But most of all I enjoy the sense of power derived from early access to other writers’ list data without the obligations flowing from being an editor. To my satisfaction, this list represents a diverse mix compared with certain previous years. Much ground is covered, from myriad metal sub-genres (death, black, doom, prog) to myriad tones (energetic, strange, historical, sadboi). I enjoy the variety, even if I don’t the specific choices. That said, we’re not helping our own argument against accusations that we despise all power and folk metal – with just one album from both sub-genres in the top 20 and an abundance selected by just a couple of people below this.

The most critical observation is that, compared with 2022, there are ~20% fewer unique records and voting points attributable to the top 10 albums is ~10% higher. This indicates greater alignment this year, with fewer albums chosen and stronger communal favorites. No doubt this is attributable to our loss of individuality and gradual morphing into one awful hivemind.

In a last ditch effort to save my own reputation at the cost of my colleagues, I want to emphasize that I personally had a distinct deviation from this aggregated list. As orchestrator of this article with early access to the data, I did attempt to identify why it was that some of these albums apparently had an impact on everyone else. The only conclusion I can draw following these attempts is that my faceless colleagues seek the average. They should try harder to be deliberately contrary next year; I expect that they’ll maliciously comply by picking the same 20 albums 20 times just to spite me.

–El Cuervo

#20. Crypta // Shades of Sorrow – “While Crypta is still fetid, OSDM adherents, Shades of Sorrow also amps both the black and thrash influences, resulting in a compelling sophomore effort that packs a significant, unforgettable punch” (Felagund).

#19. Onheil // In Black Ashes – “In Black Ashes is melodic black/death/speed/thrash at its finest. Onheil’s mastery of melody and songwriting elevates In Black Ashes into the stratosphere. Every track is a winner, and Onheil strikes an impossible balance between enthralling riffs and emotional heft” (Maddog).

#18. Ascension // Under the Veil of Madness – “There’s not one song on here that isn’t currently stuck in my head. Its huge choruses, hooky verses, and lightning fast shreddery have probably bonded with my DNA by this point” (Kenstrosity).

#17. Somnuri // Desiderirum – “The addition of (Soundgarden-esque) throwback radio alt-rock into their roiling pot of hardcore and progressive sludge makes Desiderium these Brooklynites’ strongest outing to date. It’s rare that an album this aggressive and energetic goes down this smooth” (Cherd).

#16. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – “Warcrab boasts fighting spirit, sharp claws, and a crustacean shell that’s fitted for turret combat. They’re obviously game for a scrap, but–as Cherd pointed out in his review–the band doesn’t have much competition in their death-sludge niche” (Ferox).

#15. Tribunal // The Weight of Remembrance – “With heavy doses of classic Candlemass and moments that recall the grim haunts of Fvneral Fvkk, Weight of Remembrance does so many things exceptionally well. There’s nothing I would change or trim on Weight of Remembrance, and if anything, I wish it was a little longer. Doom perfection” (Steel Druhm).

#14. Panopticon // The Rime of Memory – “Panopticon—particularly on more recent records—seems to have a unique ability to tug on my heartstrings and to blend the most ferocious of black metal with the most serene and evocative Appalachian folk. The Rime of Memory more than matched my lofty hopes” (Thus Spoke).

#13. Godthrymm // Distortions – “With meaty riffs, soaring leads, a fantastic rhythm section, and keyboardist Catherine Glencross’ angelic voice, this classic-doom-meets-classic-Pallbearer configuration landed my top spot as soon as I finished listening to it for the first time” (Grymm).

#12. Saturnus // The Storm Within – “The opening tracks comprise the best one-two punch of the year, while the back half of the album feels like an unraveling and stripping down. The Storm Within is a magnificently monolithic and aptly dreary return to form from Saturnus” (Dear Hollow).

#11. Night Crowned // Tales – “The intense blasting and no-holds-barred shrieking always hold a melodic thread that makes it more than a wall of noise, whether it be from extra vocal layers, subtly interweaved symphonics, or a goddamn hurdy-gurdy that works way better than it should” (GardensTale).

#10. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – [#1, #2, #8, #8, #9, #HM, #HM, #HM, #HM] – Miracle of Death earns the dubious honor of winning more list mentions than the six records ahead of it, but only reaches this tenth spot due to generally low rankings. Undeterred, Steel Druhm highlights the band’s unusual combination of sounds, describing a “strange witch’s brew of genres and styles that is unique and enchanting… It’s doom, it’s goth rock, it’s 70s acid rock all wrapped into one enigmatic, ethereal burrito.” Despite the allusion to hot food, Twelve instead reckons that the album “takes me to a cold place. It’s emotional, but it feels like numbness; it’s quiet, but leaves a huge impression… any time I’ve felt low throughout the year, Vanishing Kids has been there.” This sense of something beyond easy description is mirrored by Carcharodon, who argues that the band “have that very rare something, that je ne sais quoi…. to create something truly unique requires genuine craft and these guys have it in spades.” Check out metal’s innovators.

#9. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – [#1, #4, #6, #7, #8, #ish, #HM, #HM] – Serving arguably the heaviest slot on this list1, Convocation and No Dawn for the Caliginous Night offered a mighty force of doom in 2023. Dear Hollow illustrates the heavier qualities of the release (“No Dawn for the Caliginous Night channels mammoth death-doom and despondent funeral doom to accomplish a weight both viciously devastating and patiently atmospheric”) while Kenstrosity instead prefers the counter-weight of both sides of the sound (“[their] deeply affecting use of orchestration and clean vocals to light up my nervous system while the heft of [their] tectonic death doom strives to end my life”). Bands like this remind us of our humanity and our finite nature; few records could be pitched as “a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels” but Convocation does this as Cherd‘s AotY. Step back, breathe deeply, and simply listen. No Dawn for the Caliginous Night exists in these moments.

#8. Afterbirth // In But Not Of – [#1, #1, #2, #3] – Inspiring a deep love among its few accolytes, Afterbirth reached this list through just a few list-topping selections. In But Not Of offers brutal death metal that isn’t just smart compared with its own – often blunt – sub-genre, but that is smart compared with anything. “For a band that traffics in slammy, knuckle-dragging brutal death, In But Not Of carries with it an undeniable progressive, cerebral quality, which feels like a logical outgrowth from their previous effort” (Felagund). Indeed, Doom et Al finds its progressive qualities its most compelling, describing that “while the first half of brutal, spacy, wacky death metal is great, the second half, with its explorations into post-metal and prog is where real greatness happens”. Nuanced, layered music invites exploration, and even our resident death metal enthusiasts concur: “Afterbirth crams an abundance of riches into a brutal death metal album that twists and transmutes… I continue to find surprises almost every time I revisit In But Not Of” (Ferox). This album exemplifies the power of invention and intrigue.

#7. Sermon // Of Golden Verse – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #9] – Boasting AMG.com’s prog o’ the year award, Of Golden Verse by Sermon is the sole album here also picked by yours truly. I found that “Sermon’s undulating song-writing style results in music that ebbs from steely, tense atmospheres and flows to passionate, cathartic explosions. Dramatic, sure. But exciting.” Saunders, awarding his album o’ the year, favors the record’s singularity, given that “Sermon boasts a unique sound they can call their own, where dark, eerie and deadly serious vibes and almost melodramatic flair flows through towering, intelligent, and emotive prog metal epics.” But even more than its dynamic songs and novelty, GardensTale underlines the most beguiling quality of Of Golden Verse: “What attracts me the most is the sense of threat. Sermon looms a great dark ominous wall that swallows the background and casts everything in shade. For an album to hold its breath even while beating you down is exquisite.” Few records are so powerful.

#6. Xoth // Exogalactic – [#1, #3, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #ish] – The first of three techy, deathy albums in a row, Exogalactic by Xoth consolidates the band as a bona fide site favorite. “Xoth’s brand of technical blackened death-thrash is a sci-fi spectacle. Exogalactic’s futuristic riffs, twisting melodies, and narrative arcs make it feel like reptilian aliens are indeed enslaving humans as gladiators… Every time I listen to Exogalactic, I can’t help but grin” (Maddog). More than simple smiles, Dr. Wvrm never hides his arousal around riffs. Of Exogalactic, he describes it as “prostrate before that holiest of holy, The Riff. So of course, the end product [is] impeccable, incredible, impossibly fucking good.” AMG Himself delights in “the consistently best thrashy melodic death metal this world has heard since the early-90s” and continues that “Xoth has started to cement themselves as one of my favorite bands.” This entire website has flown from His opinions so take heed; buy Xoth now.

#5. Wormhole // Almost Human – [#2, #4, #5, #5, #5, #9, #ish, #HM] – It takes a special kind of slam to breach the AMG aggregated list but Wormhole is a special sort of band. Having banged his drum about Almost Human almost all year, Kenstrosity surprisingly failed to AotY this album. But in doing so he was highly complimentary, noting that “Almost Human confirms that with the right songwriting, slam can be thoughtful, intentional, intricate, and enriching. Thanks to a healthy infusion of tech by way of tricky, but subtle maneuvers rather than straight-up wanking speed, Wormhole’s whimsically brutal metal suddenly transforms into something polished, elevated, and immersive.” Emphasizing the record’s heavier qualities, the ever-eloquent Saunders describes the release as a “visceral, ridiculously heavy, sci-fi-themed tech-slam assault.” And while we rightly review albums in their entirety rather than song-by-song, Dolphin Whisperer “repeatedly binged those first two singles as if they were a whole album to themselves.” It’s hard to deny songs so heavy but so gripping.2

#4. Carnosus // Visions of Infinihility – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #5, #7, #ish] – Visions of Infinihility offered some of 2023’s meatiest death metal. Angry Metal Guy was emphatic in His summary, penning that “the term tour de force was coined to describe albums like Visions of Infinihility. Sometimes an album simply rules and your record o’ the year choice is uncomplicated. Carnosus’ sophomore album is such an album.” As if this statement was insufficient, I’ll rely on Cherd to describe the thing: “a tech-death barn burner… tight, vicious, and catchy, this record also features [one of the] best harsh vocal performance of the year.”3 Some people – including me – are nonplussed by tech death, but Ferox has us poor bastards covered too: “every one of the nine tracks on Visions of Infinihility stands up to heavy listening… It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing four thousand dollar headphones or a bullet belt. Visions of Infinihility should appeal to wonks, diehards, and metalheads all across the spectrum.” You heard the man.

#3. Sodomisery // Mazzaroth – [#1, #2, #2, #6, #8, #8, #8, #10, #HM] – Sporting 2023’s shitty band name o’ the year, Sodomisery pulled no punches with their new record called Mazzaroth. Dr A.N. Grier describes how “with Mazzaroth came a new approach, emphasizing the black, death, and melodeath with massive orchestration atmospheres.” Its size warranted comment from other writers too; Twelve highlights “the vocal performance, the orchestrations, the songwriting—everything on Mazzaroth is top-tier, larger-than-life, incredible black metal.” More than anything, great music orbits around great song-writing and nowhere is that more apparent than with Sodomisery. Winning his favorite record of the year, newbie Iceberg commends this aspect. “The 36 minutes of Mazzaroth are as lean and mean as you can get… In the age of endless bloat, Sodomisery sharpen their knives and kill all their babies Spartan-style, leaving only razor-sharp riffing and inescapable songwriting in their wake.” You heard it here first; these Swedes killed their babies in pursuit of The Riff.

#2. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – [#1, #3, #3, #4, #4, #5, #5, #7, #10] – Residing in the top half of 7 lists, Air Not Meant for Us represented the best of 2023’s death and doom metal. Grymm compares these Connecticutens to sadboi legends, articulating that “Fires in the Distance took what makes Insomnium and Omnium Gatherum and added their own unique embellishments to create a truly captivating album.” Thus Spoke highlights its “distinctive form of ethereal, key-accented melodeath/doom”, but favors most how it’s “elegantly composed, stirring, and effortlessly graceful.” She wasn’t the only person to bond with this record. Doom et Al agreed that there are clear influences but still bestowed his top prize: “It isn’t particularly original, but I don’t care. Art is about the connection it forges with the person engaging with it, and I feel every note of Air Not Meant for Us in my marrow. There’s a longing and a beauty here that I connected with immediately.” Who am I – and who are you – to deny his emotions?

#1. Wayfarer // American Gothic – [#1, #1, #2, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #6, #7, #7, #7] – With 12 main list picks, 7 top 5s and 2 AotYs, there was little doubt that Wayfarer would take the aggregated top spot for 2023. Carcharodon posits that while its predecessor may have been “close to fulfilling the promise of their Wild West black metal, American Gothic is the album where everything that Wayfarer has struggled to bring together for years finally clicked into place.” Why is this? Awarding his AotY, Sentynel attributes it to “utterly seamless” genre blending. “This is the best of bleak country painted with the instrumentation of black metal. Electric guitars pick up melody lines from banjos with a twang. Distorted slide guitars get that pedal steel feeling. There’s even a honky-tonk piano.” Lesser bands have gimmicks; Wayfarer’s central synthesis is essential. “Black metal should not go well with the Old West. Wayfarer crafted not only their best album to date, but also an absorbing, engrossing classic that begs to be absorbed in full with your complete, utmost attention” (Grymm). If you miss this, we’ll see you at dawn. With pistols.

#2023 #Afterbirth #AngryMetalGuySTop10Ish_ #Ascension #BlogPosts #Carnosus #Convocation #Crypta #FiresInTheDistance #Godthrymm #Lists #Listurnalia #NightCrowned #Onheil #Panopticon #Saturnus #Sermon #Sodomisery #Somnuri #Tribunal #VanishingKids #Warcrab #Wayfarer #Wormhole #Xoth

Blauwzuur gevonden in de pluim van Enceladus

Met behulp van gegevens van de Cassini-missie van de NASA hebben planeetwetenschappers verschillende verbindingen gevonden die van groot belang zijn voor de bewoonbaarheid van Enceladus, de ijsmaan van Saturnus.

https://www.kuuke.nl/blauwzuur-gevonden-in-de-pluim-van-enceladus/

#aminozuur #blauwzuur #cassini #enceladus #HCN #saturnus #waterstofcyanide

Blauwzuur gevonden in de pluim van Enceladus

Met behulp van gegevens van de Cassini-missie van de NASA hebben planeetwetenschappers verschillende verbindingen gevonden die van groot belang zijn voor de bewoonbaarheid van Enceladus, de ijsmaan van Saturnus.

https://www.kuuke.nl/blauwzuur-gevonden-in-de-pluim-van-enceladus/

#aminozuur #blauwzuur #cassini #enceladus #HCN #saturnus #waterstofcyanide

Blauwzuur gevonden in de pluim van Enceladus

Met behulp van gegevens van de Cassini-missie van de NASA hebben planeetwetenschappers verschillende verbindingen gevonden die van groot belang zijn voor de bewoonbaarheid van Enceladus, de ijsmaan van Saturnus.

https://www.kuuke.nl/blauwzuur-gevonden-in-de-pluim-van-enceladus/

#aminozuur #blauwzuur #cassini #enceladus #HCN #saturnus #waterstofcyanide

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#BraveWords
SATURNUS To Release The Storm Within Album In June; "The Calling" Music Video Posted
Danish doom metallers, Saturnus, will release their new album, The Storm Within, on June 16 via Prophecy Productions. Pre-order the album here, and watch a video for the first single, "The Calling", below. The title of Saturnus' fifth album, The Storm...

https://bravewords.com/news/saturnus-to-release-the-storm-within-album-in-june-the-calling-music-video-posted

#Saturnus #TheStormWithin #AlbumRelease #TheCalling #MusicVideo #Bravewords #MetalNews

Een heldere nacht, en wat is er Vannacht aan de #hemel te zien?

Met het blote oog zijn dat bijvoorbeeld #Mars, #Jupiter en #Saturnus. Rond 19:29 uur komt het #ISS over. Met een simpele verrekijker op statief (of met je ellebogen op b.v. een balkonrand) kun je de vier grootste manen van de #planeet Jupiter zien, en misschien net de ringen van Saturnus ontwaren. Hoeveel #sterren zie jij in het #Zevengesternte (de #Pleiaden)? En met je verrekijker?

https://hemel.waarnemen.com/vannacht/