#saturnus — Public Fediverse posts

04.45: De #Maan staat 5,2gr N van #Saturnus (+0,8m), i/h #sterrenbeeld #Vissen. De dichtste nadering vindt om 19:58 plaats, onder de horizon en bij daglicht. Bekijk de samenstand rond 4:45 uur, of op 8 jul rond 2 uur. Het tweetal staat i/h eerste geval boven de zuidoostelijke horizon, op een hoogte van ongeveer 32gr, 9,3gr van elkaar verwijderd. In het tweede geval sta/d twee hemellichamen boven de oostelijke horizon, op een hoogte va... Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

04.45: De #Maan staat 5,2gr N van #Saturnus (+0,8m), i/h #sterrenbeeld #Vissen. De dichtste nadering vindt om 19:58 plaats, onder de horizon en bij daglicht. Bekijk de samenstand rond 4:45 uur, of op 8 jul rond 2 uur. Het tweetal staat i/h eerste geval boven de zuidoostelijke horizon, op een hoogte van ongeveer 32gr, 9,3gr van elkaar verwijderd. In het tweede geval sta/d twee hemellichamen boven de oostelijke horizon, op een hoogte va... Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

04.30: De #Maan staat 4,9gr ten noordwesten van #Saturnus (+0,9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld #Vissen. De dichtste nadering gebeurt om 07:40, op een hoogte van 39gr, maar bij daglicht. De samenstand is te zien rond 4:30 uur. Het tweetal staat dan boven de oostzuidoostelijke horizon, op een hoogte van ongeveer 16gr, op een onderlinge afstand van 5,2gr. De #Maan is voor 32% verlicht. De pagina Vannacht a/d hemel toont wanneer de #Maan en planete... Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

05.30: De #Maan staat 4,5gr N van #Saturnus (+0,9m), i/h #sterrenbeeld Walvis. De dichtste nadering vindt om 21:20 plaats, onder de horizon en i/d schemering. De samenstand is met veel moeite te zien rond 5:30 uur, of op 14 mei rond 5 uur. Het tweetal staat i/h eerste geval zo'n 9gr boven de oostelijke horizon, 9,0gr van elkaar vandaan. In het andere geval is de samenstand te zien op een hoogte van ongeveer 4gr i/h oosten, zo'n 7,1gr... Meer info: https://hemel.waarnemen.com/astrokal/

SolNegre – Anthems for the Grand Collapse Review

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a…
#NewsBeep #News #Music #2026 #3.5 #AnthemsfortheGrandCollapse #Apr26 #AU #Australia #BeachBoys #DoomMetal #Ennui #Entertainment #MeuseMusic #MyDyingBride #NovembersDoom #review #reviews #Saturnus #SolNegre #SpanishMetal
https://www.newsbeep.com/au/583471/

SolNegre – Anthems for the Grand Collapse Review

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a…
#NewsBeep #News #Music #2026 #3.5 #AnthemsfortheGrandCollapse #Apr26 #AU #Australia #BeachBoys #DoomMetal #Ennui #Entertainment #MeuseMusic #MyDyingBride #NovembersDoom #review #reviews #Saturnus #SolNegre #SpanishMetal
https://www.newsbeep.com/au/583471/

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Just off Spain’s Mediterranean coast lie the Balearic Islands. Among the approximately 1.2 million island residents is a cadre of musicians who appear to have played together in a variety of projects for some time.1 SolNegre comprises four of these musicians along with a handful of guest contributors. Based on the photos of the beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water, you might think these guys would play a cheerful genre like Beach Boys-core. Yet, even the beach life must have its woes because what SolNegre deliver is a slab of melancholic doom that has more in common with My Dying Bride or Saturnus than any band playing songs about Piña coladas. Just the sight of their apocalyptic album title, Anthems for the Grand Collapse, makes me want to soak in one of those lovely beaches to rinse off the bleakness. Let’s dive in and see how well these island dwellers do the sadboi.

While the intro for opener, “The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part II,”2 reveals SolNegre’s flair for using synths to create atmosphere, the meat of the song establishes their mix of crushing My Dying Bride riffs and growls with the more energetic death/doom of Novembers Doom. A hooky melodic lead wends its way throughout, culminating in an ambitious solo that takes the lead to new levels. The incredibly catchy follow-up, “The Hollow Inside,” includes a chorus that potentially has appeal for a mainstream audience, even if the track goes off in decidedly non-mainstream directions. The flip side to the death/doom is an Ennui-level funeral doom tune that casts a pall over the already dour mood (“For All that Could Have Been”). SolNegre play sorrowful tunes in an impressively varied number of ways.

The Axiom – Song for the Inert Part 2 by SolNegre

The band members’ strong chemistry shows in their talent and cohesiveness. Ûkh lays down a powerful vocal performance with some muscular death growls. He adds heft and punch alongside an impressively bass-heavy guitar attack. Gebre proves to be the glue that adheres the record together. His deep, chugging bass features on nearly every track, and he also gets to play a nifty jazz solo midway through “The Hollow Within.” Guest contributors add some varied character throughout, such as a solo from Mike Le Rosetti that comprises almost the entire back half of “The Axiom” and some cleans from Pedro Inglés during the jazzy segue on “The Hollow Within.” SolNegre hands the reins over to recurring guest singer Gadea es Ineseta3 and violinist Núria Luis on the remarkably lovely “In the Stillness of the Womb.” Though it skews more soft rock than extreme metal, it features such poignant and affecting performances from Ineseta and Luis that it feels right at home among these anthems to a grand collapse.

20260102_224403

A few iffy songwriting decisions do keep Anthems for the Grand Collapse from greatness, however. For one, SolNegre struggle with coherent lyrics on some tracks. This is especially problematic on “The Hollow Within,” where an awkward attempt at a metaphor combining loneliness, water, and drowning leads to the laughably bad line, “A room without doors or windows / Knowing how to swim is wise.” It’s a sore part of an otherwise terrific song. Further, the hot and cold pacing creates a stuttering feel throughout the record, with a few tunes creeping too slowly and others creeping on a bit too long. “For All That Could Have Been” in particular sags in the middle of the album. Individually, the songs are good to great, but transitions between them can be jarring.

Next time you want to balance out your bright and cheery beach vacation with some downer music, you should pack SolNegre’s Anthems for the Grand Collapse. It’s sure to have you and your family looking to drown out your loneliness and sorrows in the warm, beautiful waters lapping at your toes. This has proven to be a solid sophomore effort from the Balearic Islands. I love to hear the passion on display, and even where the band shows some warts, it only makes the record all the more endearing. I hope those island beaches don’t keep these guys happy and occupied for too long so they can put out another record sooner rather than later.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Meuse Music
Websites: Bandcamp | Facebook | Official Site
Releases Worldwide: April 3rd, 2026

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of lifestyle. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to sunny Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our hometown on Long Island. This scrambled all the central and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the first series of drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a cool way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we ducked out to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and wewould be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they took the stage, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to his being confined to his cabin and the band being banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams was performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through that from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant once again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and they made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even dropping in “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to catch Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Band We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

Way back in 2014, when Madam X and I were still just mutual admirers online, she decided to travel from her home country of South Africa to the US to catch the world-famous 70000 Tons of Metal cruise. This had the added benefit of allowing us to finally meet in person since she was flying into New York, where I worked as a regional warlord at the time. We ended up meeting, totally hitting it off, and yada-yada-yada, we got married and lived happily ever after. It took us way too long to catch a 70000 Tons voyage as a couple, but this year we finally did it! After hearing so much about the 70000 Tons experience from Madam X, other AMG staffers, and various random miscreants, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I didn’t. This event is one seriously wild ride, unlike anything else I’ve ever encountered. It’s a strange alternate universe where time is the enemy, yet also seems to lose all meaning. You spend every waking moment running from set to set to catch acts you want to see, and in the little spaces in between, you eat, chug brewskis, and study the scheduling app to plot and plan where to run next. You quickly lose track of the days as you adapt to this new lifestyle, and before long, you start to prefer this kind of existence. It’s a 4-day musical treasure hunt with adventure (and alcohol) available around every corner, and you share all the madcap escapades with thousands of like-minded metal maniacs who all seem equally thrilled to be questing. What could be cooler than that? So what was it like to step aboard as representatives for Angry Metal Guy Industries? This is our story.1

Disembarkment: From Snowbound to Southbound

Mere days before we were scheduled to fly down to Florida, the massive bomb cyclone winter storm dubbed “Fern” clobbered most of the eastern seaboard and dropped 15 inches of snow on our Long Island hometown. This scrambled all the central, southern, and eastern US airports something fierce, and with news of thousands of canceled flights in the days leading up to the cruise, we stressed mightily that we might not make it to Miami to catch the ship. The 70000 Tons group on Facebook was littered with tragic tales of folks getting their flights cancelled multiple times, with some opting to skip the airports entirely and try to make it by car from faraway locales.2 As the Metal Gods willed it, we got to the airport, made it to a not-very-sunny Florida on time without any hassles. We reported to the Port of Miami the next day, and the adventure began!

Day One: The Aclimationing

After going through the boarding process and nominally attending our safety briefing, beers were enjoyed as Madam X and I toured our new home. Freedom of the Seas is a typical cruise ship, but it was immediately apparent that this would not be a typical cruise. Aside from the ocean of black shirts and battle vests, all the music played over the ship’s sound systems was metal. This was a surprisingly satisfying touch, as I always wondered what it would be like to have my preferred genre played in places like supermarkets, dentist offices, and malls. This shit should be normalized outside of a niche metal cruise event. Hell, even when you turned on your cabin’s TV, there was a channel playing videos of the bands on board 24/7, and when you went to the shopping or cruise map channels, the background music was 120% pure metal. Nir-fucking-vana, folks!

As everyone boarded, got settled in, and the initial drinks were drunk, the first bands went off at 5:30. As any good primate would do in such circumstances, I chose Vio-Lence since they’re a beloved band from my youth that I never got to see live during their heyday. Prior to the band taking the stage, a stocky, bald gentleman berated a group of people (myself included) for not wearing ear protection. This was laughed off with good nature, and then I realized the man looking out for our aural health was none other than David White, the vocalist of Heathen. It was cool to see the Heathen dudes there showing support for their fellow San Francisco thrashers, and it was a nice way to kick off the festivities. Vio-Lence came out shortly thereafter and proceeded to destroy everyone with loud, vicious renditions of the material off their timeless debut, Eternal Nightmare. They sounded much heavier than expected, and Sean Killian was a man possessed on stage as he delivered the hyperactive and voluminous vocal lines like it was still 1990. They covered almost all of their debut and tossed in “World in a World” and the Dead Kennedys’ classic “California Über Alles” for extra spice, and I left well impressed by how youthful and powerful they sounded.

From there we ducked in to catch Harakiri for the Sky, and though neither Madam X nor I were very familiar with them, they impressed with their atmospheric post-black sound. They reminded me of Agalloch enough to want to visit their catalog, and Madam X was very much enthralled. From there, it was straight to the big theater to see Soen, and I admit to never being much of a fan. They were polished and professional, but their style of radio-friendly hard rock didn’t really fit with the 70000 Tons vibe, and I was bored pretty quickly, though watching Martin Lopez (ex-Opeth) pound away on his kit was entertaining. Things improved greatly when we went on to catch Cemetery Skyline, the Scandinavian Goth rock supergroup. Though the material on their Nordic Gothic debut isn’t all that much harder than what Soen do, the energy generated by Mikael Stanne and Markus Vanhala (Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum) was off the charts. The band seemed to be having as much or more fun than the very receptive crowd, and Stanne in particular seemed to be thrilled to be there. The set was electric, and the energy from the crowd was palpable.

Next up was Kamelot, and though I’m a huge fan of their early albums, I haven’t loved the post-Silverthrone output much. The band did their best to put on a lively performance, and Tommy Karevik sounded fine, but the setlist, taken mostly from the last 3 albums, was somewhat uninspiring, and we left after 5-6 songs. After taking time to get food and brewskis, we headed back to the theater to see Anthrax. A beloved band from my youth, it had been a long time since I last saw them live, but they acted and sounded much the same, opening with the timeless “A.I.R.” and leaning heavily on their Spreading the Disease and Among the Living classics. At one point, Joey started singing Judas Priest’s “The Ripper” before launching into “Caught in a Mosh,” and Scott Ian dubbed the 70000 Cruise as “the world’s coolest prison.” These olde thrash dawgs can still bring it, and the packed crowd ate it up (I especially loved them busting out “Be all. End All” from their State of Euphoria platter).

Last up for our first night was a 12:30 am set by the weird and mysterious Kanonenfieber. Support for the band was apparent, with numerous folks onboard rocking plastic versions of the Pickelhaube (the WWI era pointy helmet worn by Prussian and German soldiers), and they’ve received a ton of love and overratings from the AMG staff these past few years. Somehow, though, I never completely bought into what band creator Noise was doing. Until I saw it all done live, that is. With a stage covered in sandbags and barbed wire, the masked trench warriors supporting Noise came out in matching WWI period soldiers’ clothing to play a somber, ominous intro before Noise himself burst out dressed in full Kaiser gear as things erupted into full boar black death insanity. While their style can at times come across as heavier, faster Rammstein, there was no denying how much punch they packed live, and Noise is a very animated, maniacal frontman. He had the crowd eating from his hand despite an entire set in German. Sure, the multiple costume changes were a bit over-the-top, but they fit the narrative of the horrors of war. Thus pummeled and pulverized, it was time to call it a day.

Day Two: Any Port in the Storm

Due to the huge storm that was sweeping up the east coast, the Captain decided that the ship would head straight to Nassau on Friday rather than Saturday, so rather than bands taking the stage by 10 am, they would hold off til 5:30, and we would be free to leave the ship in the morning and wander around the island. After a few hours sightseeing, we were ready for more molten metal and eager to see Orden Organ kick things off on the newly constructed pool deck stage. Frontman Seeb was injured before the cruise and unable to make the trip, so the band recruited Marc Lopes (Ross the Boss, ex-Metal Church) to fill in. As the ship headed back out ot sea, the band ripped through the big hits of Ogan’s catalog, opening with the massive “F.E.V.E.R.” Dan sounded powerful and convincing, though between songs, he made it clear he was still learning the songs, so not to judge him too harshly. Minus a few missed vocal lines here and there, he did a fine job, got the crowd involved, and seemed really thrilled to be there. As they tore through hits like “The Things We Believe in,” “The Order of Fear,” and “Heart of the Android,” a cold rain began to fall, and by the end of their set, it was getting pretty heavy on the deck.

We retreated to the safety of the sports bar for liquid courage before having to go back out in the rain 45 minutes later to see the mighty Amorphis. The pool deck stage was an open-air rain debacle as they came out, and even before Tomi could start roaring, he was drenched and waterlogged. Tomi always looks like a pirate, so it worked for him, and the band sounded as great as ever live, though I felt bad for Santeri Kallio having to constantly wipe off his keyboards as the rain crashed down. The set was tight despite the weather, and they hit all the high points, from gems like “Death of a King” and “The Smoke” to going way back to Tales from the Thousand Lakes to uncork “Black Winter Day.” Nothing can stop these all-weather Finns!

From the deluge, we retreated to see Wolf in the Deck 5 lounge, which is essentially a smallish room without any kind of raised stage. Wolf were game about it and delivered a rowdy set of their NWoBHM-meets power metal, but unless you stood directly in front of them, you couldn’t see jack shit. It was still a good show, aurally at least. We left a bit early to get back to the monsoon deck to see Beast in Black, but their set was moved to 4:15 am due to how awful the weather had become outside. This allowed for a quick detour to catch Ereb Altor at the rink stage, and they were exactly how I imagined they would be: brooding, heavy, and not fucking around at all as they clobbered the crowd with their Viking black metal. As I was swept away to the good olde days of blood eagles and rule by sword, I found myself wondering why the band didn’t also schedule a few sets for Isole, as the same guys are in both bands. Great show, lost opportunity.

From there we beered up and then caught death metallers Skeletal Remains back in the lounge, and they were appropriately heavy and caveman as fook. Perhaps the caveman shit went too far as they blasted way past their allotted time, and soon thereafter, rumors started spreading that a certain band member was getting hammered and way too touchy-feely with the female cruisers. This ultimately led to him being confined to his cabin and the band getting banned from future 70000 Tons events. After Skeltal Remains decamped, we stayed put in the lounge as up next was none other than the one, the only…Jag Fucking Panzer!! A huge staple of my teen years, these Colorado classic US power metal masters dropped the iconic Ample Destruction back in 1985, and I’ve loved them ever since, but never got to see them live. Because we were hanging around as the band set up, legendary vocalist Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin came over to chat and offered us “Tyrant coins,” which are basically a commemorative Jag Panzer challenge coin. We took them happily, and I tried not to be too fanboyish. I also got to speak with founding guitarist Mark Briody, and he was as nice a guy as there is. When Panzer took the stage, they proceeded to rip the crowd a new one with a string of timeless cuts from Ample Destruction and select gems from their later releases. I was floored by how powerful Tyrant’s voice was live, and this was my highlight of the trip thus far. I was very glad we were dead center front row for this one!

After that unbeatable show, we went back up to the pool deck for Kanonenfieber’s second set at 12;30 am, hoping the rain had finally died down. The fates smiled upon Noise, and the skies held off, allowing them to tear through another set of war-horror-themed Germanic madness with Noise commanding the crowd like a battle-hardened general. Though some of the same songs from the first set were done again, it still seemed like a different event entirely, and aside from the odd clash of the masked, uniformed mauraders and the happy, colorful pool deck decorations, it was an immersive open sea air experience.

Day Three: Arctic Winds

Day three was the first where the bands hit the stages early, with some starting at 10:00 am. We dragged ourselves out of bed, got caffenated and made it to the pool deck to see Hiraes take the stage. I hadn’t hear of this Germanic melodeath act until their frontwoman Britta Görtz appeared in the recent Kreator video for “Tränenpalast.” They had an energetic set, and Britta has a shockingly demonic voice for such a charmingly upbeat, tiny woman. Then it was off to catch Wolf in the vastly superior rink stage, and they once again brought the old school metal thunder and showed the crowd how to pull off guitar-driven 80s metal with a touch of Euro-power.

80s Bay Area techno-thrashers Heathen were up next, and they delivered their typically solid, burly set, with frontman David White doing his hyperactive best to stir the theater crowd to violence. Speaking of Vio-Lence, I spotted a few of them in the crowd returning the favor of support. I especially loved when Heathen busted out “Goblin’s Blade” from their 1987 debut, and that song has aged like fine wine. “Hypnotized” was also as great live as ever, and that song should be considered one of the great thrash epics of all time. As we left the theater, Madam X informed me that the vocalist for Heathen was built much like Noise from Kanonenfieber and might be him. And so began several days of speculation as to who the Kanonenfieber guys were and where they might be on the ship.

After food and a merch shopping break, we caught the immortal NWoBHM legends Satan at the rink deck. Long have I wanted to witness them live, and when I finally got my wish, they were even better than I hoped. The ageless Brian Ross sounded like a 25-year-old, hitting all manner of high register wails and screams, often going beyond what was required by the songs. The band was insanely frenetic in a live setting, with guitarists Russ Tippins and Steve Ramsey putting on a shred clinic, sounding like classic Iron Maiden at double speed. They put on a helluva powerful, no-BS metal show, and Ross is a character as a frontman.3

Off to the pool deck we went, thereafter to catch some of Firewind’s set. I wanted to see Gus G wank his way to the moon in person, and I was not disappointed. I was surprised to see Herbie Langhams wasn’t performing vocals, and instead, former frontman Henning Basse (ex-Brainstorm, ex-Metallium) was there on stage. Together they plowed through mighty tunes like “Ode to Leonidas” and “I Am the Anger,” with Gus showing why he’s considered one of metal’s top axe masters. The weirdo semi-death, kinda-Goth Tribulation were next. Unfortunately, they were derailed by technical issues and lost some equipment in transit, and opened their set 20 minutes late. Even when they finally got going, they were still plagued by sound issues. They did their best, but they didn’t get to present themselves properly, and things were a bit lackluster overall.

Next was the one and only time Madam X and I had to part company, as she was dying to see Beast in Black and I needed to see Jag Panzer’s second set and both went off at the same time. This Panzer set was a “drop the needle” on their classic album Ample Destruction, and I couldn’t miss seeing them run through it from start to finish. This time Jag Panzer got the rink stage, which is far better than the lounge, and once again they brought the crowd to their knees with masterful renditions of cuts like “Licensed to Kill,” “Warfare,” and “Harder Than Steel.” Tyrant again demonstrated the sheer power and force of his ageless pipes, and the band made sure to leave everything on the stage. I even ended up with an official Jag Panzer wristband in the process. Sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes. Madam X was equally blown away by the Beast in Black set, making me wish I had caught that show, too.

From there, I raced to the pool deck to catch Paradise Lost. The long-running lords of Peaceville doom put on a solid if somewhat low-key set, drawing from their vast catalog and collection of styles. It wasn’t the most animated set of the cruise, but the songs sounded great, and Nick Holmes was in good form. I appreciated that they didn’t shy away from their Depeche Lost era either.

After that, Anthrax took the pool deck stage, and lo and behold, bassist Frank Bello was missing in action. In his place was a guy who looked a whole lot like Joey Vera of Armored Saint, Fates Warning, etc. Turns out it was Joey filling in, as Frank had to leave the ship to get to LA to accept his Grammy for best Live Rock performance for Yungblud’s rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Changes” at the Back to the Beginning concert. I have no idea how Frank got off the ship or how they mailed Joey in, but he fit right in, and Anthrax did another classic set, even hitting “Deathrider” from the debut and “In the End” from Worship Music. Queens, NY, represent!

Day Four: Survive and Endure

As the rigors of nonstop metalling slowly began to set in, we arose on day four, opted to eat a quick breakfast, then jumped in a hot tub on the pool deck while they were fresh, clean, and not full of plus-sized, mega-hairy metalheads. Because of our early arrival, we only shared a tub with a very nice Dutch couple, and as we listened to Xandria playing their morning set about 100 feet away, we discussed the Dutch metal scene, the Roadburn festival, and how The Gathering is superior to most other similar acts. Xandria aren’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t see them from my tub, but they sounded decent enough for a symphonic power metal band.

After tub time, we caught Tyr on the pool deck as they brought Faroian thunder to the high seas. Their burly sound translated well to the setting, and it was all beefy tales of heroism and swordplay, with “By the Sword in My Hand” and “Blood of Heroes” hitting extra hard. It was extra cool to see Jag Panzer’s Mark Briody right up front in the crowd, throwing horns and celebrating the next generation of metal.

Later on, we caught the second set of Satan, and again they burned the stage down around them, then we wandered into the last 15 minutes of Darkane’s set on the pool deck. After that, Madam X convinced me to try Groza’s set, which was a shockingly harrowing blast of misanthropic black metal performed by dudes in hoods who were from Germany. They impressed and furthered the ongoing Kanonenfieber conspiracy mill considerably.

One of the highlights of the event for me was seeing ultimate underdog 80s thrash act Hirax take the stage on the pool deck as the weather turned windy and cold again. Hirax released 2 obscure albums in the mid 80s that I dearly loved because they were so different from everything else out there. Katon Depena was a truly unique vocalist, singing in a strange up and down pattern over short thrashy songs that verged on grindcore. It was both odd and endearing, and my high school friends and I constantly imitated his wonky singing. They were too cult to ever tour near us, so I always wondered what they would be like live. When Hirax stormed the stage, they were everything I expected and then some. Katon was a complete maniac, running all over, climbing the amps, jumping into the crowd, taking a big fur coat from a fan, and rocking it on stage, all as he ripped through a succession of lightning-fast classics. It was one of the craziest sets of the cruise, and the crowd was eating it up. Hail Hirax.

As the ship steered toward the setting sun, Finnish melodoom gods Insomnium took the pool deck stage to deliver a classically melancholic but heavy set as the weather got colder and colder. They were tight, polished, and amusingly enough, complained about how cold it was on the deck. As they started to play “Down With the Sun,” the sun was slowly disappearing below the watery horizon, and with the cold air blowing, it felt like a weirdly Finnish moment on what was billed as a Caribbean cruise.

In the ultimate whiplash kind of switch up, we raced from the Insomnium set to witness Rhapody of Fire launch their nerd-raging dragon power all over the theater stage. As they catapulted into cheddar manufacturing mode, the crowd brandished waves of inflatable swords and hammers like a full-fledged LARP was about to break out. In the middle of the raging orcstorm, vocalist Giacomo Voli went completely bonkers, wailing, screaming, stirring the crowd up, and even stage diving and crowdriding. Somehow, he kept singing as he was held aloft by the rowdy crowd and pummeled with inflatable melee weapons.4 Though I’m not a fan of the band, I couldn’t deny the entertainment factor and the insane charisma of Voli.

The festivities wound down with a 12:30 am Dark Tranquillity set on the pool deck, and as always, Stanne and company were the consummate professionals, doling out the classic melodeath goods as only they can. Stanne sounded superb and in his glory, and the band put on an appropriately massive cap to a great cruise. After their set, Andy, the man behind the whole event, took the stage to thank all who attended and braved the often-bad weather to enjoy the massive metal spectacle. It was a bittersweet moment, as the 4 days flew by in a crazy blur and now were coming to an end.

Final Thoughts:

70000 Tons of Metal is an extremely well-organized and run event, and it was attended by a large assortment of metal fans who came to have a good time and make memories. I saw no fights, no really bad behavior (aside from certain band-related allegations), and was shocked that I saw so few people hammered into an alcoholic stupor. If you haven’t considered making the trip, you should. It can be pricey, but it’s an amazing time and unlike anything else you’ll ever experience. I went expecting it to be something you do once, but now I want to make it a yearly tradition. I highly recommend it, even if you only like half of the scheduled line-up. Thank you to the ever-amazing Madam X for organizing the trip for us and for being the best possible partner to share the insanity with. You complete me.

Funniest Moment:

-When Madam X and I were waiting for an elevator, one opened up, and standing right in front was Brian Ross of Satan. Madam X was star-struck and loudly exclaimed, “SATAN!” Mr. Ross smiled and waved.

-Everyone complaining there was no Kanonenfieber meet and greet.

Bands We Missed:

Vader and Saturnus were cursed with late-night slots we just couldn’t get to. We feel great shame.

Biggest Gripe:

The weird and draconian merch rules made even a simple viewing of the band’s wares a huge hassle.

Biggest Surprise:

I wasn’t even close to being the oldest person there!

Things I’ll Miss the Most: Those stupid little pizzas served at Sorrento’s. They aren’t much different from store-bought frozen pizza, but the stuff becomes addictive after eating it for a few days, like those dumplings in Old Boy.

Post Ship Depression Syndrome:

It’s a real thing. You feel out of sorts and miss the weird pacing and running between sets all day and night.

https://www.europesays.com/nl/53033/ Kauan – Wayhome | Zware Metalen #2025 #agalloch #alcest #Amusement #anathema #ArtoffactRecords #atmospheric #AtmosphericPostRock #atoma #doom #Dutch #eldamar #empyrium #Entertainment #finland #kauan #Music #Muziek #Nederland #Nederlanden #Nederlands #Netherlands #NL #PostRock #recensie #saturnus #sólstafir #tenhi #ulver #wayhome #ZwareMetalen

Veel rivieren op Titan eindigen niet in delta’s

De kustlijnen van de Aarde zijn fascinerende plekken waar vloeistoffen zich vermengen en materialen worden gevormd tot verschillende landvormen, zoals rivierdelta’s. Vergelijkbare actieve kustlijnen komen voor op de Saturnusmaan Titan, waar vloeibare koolwaterstoffen (met

https://www.kuuke.nl/veel-rivieren-op-titan-eindigen-niet-in-deltas/

#cassini #deltas #ethaan #maan #methaan #rivierdata #saturnus #titan #viervieren #zonnestelsel

Poljin 3,4-sisäpyöräilyn. Kävin kävelyllä, Prismassa, ja noudin toisen poolon. Pyykkäsin. Illalla tiirailin Nallikarissa Saturnuksen peittymistä.

https://marginaa.li/2025/01/04/4-tammikuuta-2025/

De ringen van Saturnus konden wel eens veel ouder zijn dan gedacht

Het idee dat de ringen van Saturnus relatief jong zijn is volgens onderzoekers vreemd in de context van de lange evolutionaire geschiedenis van het zonnestelsel.

Dit Hubble-beeld toont Saturnus, zijn helderwitte ringen en zijn drie manen: Mimas, Dione en

https://www.kuuke.nl/de-ringen-van-saturnus-konden-wel-eens-veel-ouder-zijn-dan-gedacht/

#cassini #gasreus #leeftijd #planeet #ringen #saturnus #zonnestelsel

Tyhjensin pyykkitelineitä. Perkasin eilisiltaisia kuvia. Käväisin Prismassa. Pyykkäsin. Koodasin. Käänsin Kodin. Kävin suihkussa.

https://marginaa.li/2024/09/22/22-syyskuuta-2024-awake-before-im-down/

Tyhjensin pyykkitelineitä. Perkasin eilisiltaisia kuvia. Käväisin Prismassa. Pyykkäsin. Koodasin. Käänsin Kodin. Kävin suihkussa.

https://marginaa.li/2024/09/22/22-syyskuuta-2024-awake-before-im-down/

Tyhjensin pyykkitelineitä. Perkasin eilisiltaisia kuvia. Käväisin Prismassa. Pyykkäsin. Koodasin. Käänsin Kodin. Kävin suihkussa.

https://marginaa.li/2024/09/22/22-syyskuuta-2024-awake-before-im-down/

Tyhjensin pyykkitelineitä. Perkasin eilisiltaisia kuvia. Käväisin Prismassa. Pyykkäsin. Koodasin. Käänsin Kodin. Kävin suihkussa.

https://marginaa.li/2024/09/22/22-syyskuuta-2024-awake-before-im-down/

Webb detecteert methaan van een koele bruine dwerg

Astronomen hebben met behulp van de Webb Space Telescope methaanemissie gedetecteerd van de bruine dwerg W1935. Dit is een geïsoleerde bruine dwerg met een temperatuur van ongeveer 482 Kelvin (± 210 °C).

https://www.kuuke.nl/webb-detecteert-methaan-van-een-koele-bruine-dwerg/

#ActieveMaan #BackyardWorldsPlanet9 #BruineDwerg #esa #jupiter #methana #nasa #saturnus #W1935 #webb

One List to Debase Them All: AngryMetal Guy.com’s Aggregated Top 20 of 2023

By El Cuervo

This aggregation exercise represents my favorite article of the year. I enjoy identifying and highlighting those chosen few records worthy of additional recognition. But most of all I enjoy the sense of power derived from early access to other writers’ list data without the obligations flowing from being an editor. To my satisfaction, this list represents a diverse mix compared with certain previous years. Much ground is covered, from myriad metal sub-genres (death, black, doom, prog) to myriad tones (energetic, strange, historical, sadboi). I enjoy the variety, even if I don’t the specific choices. That said, we’re not helping our own argument against accusations that we despise all power and folk metal – with just one album from both sub-genres in the top 20 and an abundance selected by just a couple of people below this.

The most critical observation is that, compared with 2022, there are ~20% fewer unique records and voting points attributable to the top 10 albums is ~10% higher. This indicates greater alignment this year, with fewer albums chosen and stronger communal favorites. No doubt this is attributable to our loss of individuality and gradual morphing into one awful hivemind.

In a last ditch effort to save my own reputation at the cost of my colleagues, I want to emphasize that I personally had a distinct deviation from this aggregated list. As orchestrator of this article with early access to the data, I did attempt to identify why it was that some of these albums apparently had an impact on everyone else. The only conclusion I can draw following these attempts is that my faceless colleagues seek the average. They should try harder to be deliberately contrary next year; I expect that they’ll maliciously comply by picking the same 20 albums 20 times just to spite me.

–El Cuervo

#20. Crypta // Shades of Sorrow – “While Crypta is still fetid, OSDM adherents, Shades of Sorrow also amps both the black and thrash influences, resulting in a compelling sophomore effort that packs a significant, unforgettable punch” (Felagund).

#19. Onheil // In Black Ashes – “In Black Ashes is melodic black/death/speed/thrash at its finest. Onheil’s mastery of melody and songwriting elevates In Black Ashes into the stratosphere. Every track is a winner, and Onheil strikes an impossible balance between enthralling riffs and emotional heft” (Maddog).

#18. Ascension // Under the Veil of Madness – “There’s not one song on here that isn’t currently stuck in my head. Its huge choruses, hooky verses, and lightning fast shreddery have probably bonded with my DNA by this point” (Kenstrosity).

#17. Somnuri // Desiderirum – “The addition of (Soundgarden-esque) throwback radio alt-rock into their roiling pot of hardcore and progressive sludge makes Desiderium these Brooklynites’ strongest outing to date. It’s rare that an album this aggressive and energetic goes down this smooth” (Cherd).

#16. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – “Warcrab boasts fighting spirit, sharp claws, and a crustacean shell that’s fitted for turret combat. They’re obviously game for a scrap, but–as Cherd pointed out in his review–the band doesn’t have much competition in their death-sludge niche” (Ferox).

#15. Tribunal // The Weight of Remembrance – “With heavy doses of classic Candlemass and moments that recall the grim haunts of Fvneral Fvkk, Weight of Remembrance does so many things exceptionally well. There’s nothing I would change or trim on Weight of Remembrance, and if anything, I wish it was a little longer. Doom perfection” (Steel Druhm).

#14. Panopticon // The Rime of Memory – “Panopticon—particularly on more recent records—seems to have a unique ability to tug on my heartstrings and to blend the most ferocious of black metal with the most serene and evocative Appalachian folk. The Rime of Memory more than matched my lofty hopes” (Thus Spoke).

#13. Godthrymm // Distortions – “With meaty riffs, soaring leads, a fantastic rhythm section, and keyboardist Catherine Glencross’ angelic voice, this classic-doom-meets-classic-Pallbearer configuration landed my top spot as soon as I finished listening to it for the first time” (Grymm).

#12. Saturnus // The Storm Within – “The opening tracks comprise the best one-two punch of the year, while the back half of the album feels like an unraveling and stripping down. The Storm Within is a magnificently monolithic and aptly dreary return to form from Saturnus” (Dear Hollow).

#11. Night Crowned // Tales – “The intense blasting and no-holds-barred shrieking always hold a melodic thread that makes it more than a wall of noise, whether it be from extra vocal layers, subtly interweaved symphonics, or a goddamn hurdy-gurdy that works way better than it should” (GardensTale).

#10. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – [#1, #2, #8, #8, #9, #HM, #HM, #HM, #HM] – Miracle of Death earns the dubious honor of winning more list mentions than the six records ahead of it, but only reaches this tenth spot due to generally low rankings. Undeterred, Steel Druhm highlights the band’s unusual combination of sounds, describing a “strange witch’s brew of genres and styles that is unique and enchanting… It’s doom, it’s goth rock, it’s 70s acid rock all wrapped into one enigmatic, ethereal burrito.” Despite the allusion to hot food, Twelve instead reckons that the album “takes me to a cold place. It’s emotional, but it feels like numbness; it’s quiet, but leaves a huge impression… any time I’ve felt low throughout the year, Vanishing Kids has been there.” This sense of something beyond easy description is mirrored by Carcharodon, who argues that the band “have that very rare something, that je ne sais quoi…. to create something truly unique requires genuine craft and these guys have it in spades.” Check out metal’s innovators.

#9. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – [#1, #4, #6, #7, #8, #ish, #HM, #HM] – Serving arguably the heaviest slot on this list1, Convocation and No Dawn for the Caliginous Night offered a mighty force of doom in 2023. Dear Hollow illustrates the heavier qualities of the release (“No Dawn for the Caliginous Night channels mammoth death-doom and despondent funeral doom to accomplish a weight both viciously devastating and patiently atmospheric”) while Kenstrosity instead prefers the counter-weight of both sides of the sound (“[their] deeply affecting use of orchestration and clean vocals to light up my nervous system while the heft of [their] tectonic death doom strives to end my life”). Bands like this remind us of our humanity and our finite nature; few records could be pitched as “a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels” but Convocation does this as Cherd‘s AotY. Step back, breathe deeply, and simply listen. No Dawn for the Caliginous Night exists in these moments.

#8. Afterbirth // In But Not Of – [#1, #1, #2, #3] – Inspiring a deep love among its few accolytes, Afterbirth reached this list through just a few list-topping selections. In But Not Of offers brutal death metal that isn’t just smart compared with its own – often blunt – sub-genre, but that is smart compared with anything. “For a band that traffics in slammy, knuckle-dragging brutal death, In But Not Of carries with it an undeniable progressive, cerebral quality, which feels like a logical outgrowth from their previous effort” (Felagund). Indeed, Doom et Al finds its progressive qualities its most compelling, describing that “while the first half of brutal, spacy, wacky death metal is great, the second half, with its explorations into post-metal and prog is where real greatness happens”. Nuanced, layered music invites exploration, and even our resident death metal enthusiasts concur: “Afterbirth crams an abundance of riches into a brutal death metal album that twists and transmutes… I continue to find surprises almost every time I revisit In But Not Of” (Ferox). This album exemplifies the power of invention and intrigue.

#7. Sermon // Of Golden Verse – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #9] – Boasting AMG.com’s prog o’ the year award, Of Golden Verse by Sermon is the sole album here also picked by yours truly. I found that “Sermon’s undulating song-writing style results in music that ebbs from steely, tense atmospheres and flows to passionate, cathartic explosions. Dramatic, sure. But exciting.” Saunders, awarding his album o’ the year, favors the record’s singularity, given that “Sermon boasts a unique sound they can call their own, where dark, eerie and deadly serious vibes and almost melodramatic flair flows through towering, intelligent, and emotive prog metal epics.” But even more than its dynamic songs and novelty, GardensTale underlines the most beguiling quality of Of Golden Verse: “What attracts me the most is the sense of threat. Sermon looms a great dark ominous wall that swallows the background and casts everything in shade. For an album to hold its breath even while beating you down is exquisite.” Few records are so powerful.

#6. Xoth // Exogalactic – [#1, #3, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #ish] – The first of three techy, deathy albums in a row, Exogalactic by Xoth consolidates the band as a bona fide site favorite. “Xoth’s brand of technical blackened death-thrash is a sci-fi spectacle. Exogalactic’s futuristic riffs, twisting melodies, and narrative arcs make it feel like reptilian aliens are indeed enslaving humans as gladiators… Every time I listen to Exogalactic, I can’t help but grin” (Maddog). More than simple smiles, Dr. Wvrm never hides his arousal around riffs. Of Exogalactic, he describes it as “prostrate before that holiest of holy, The Riff. So of course, the end product [is] impeccable, incredible, impossibly fucking good.” AMG Himself delights in “the consistently best thrashy melodic death metal this world has heard since the early-90s” and continues that “Xoth has started to cement themselves as one of my favorite bands.” This entire website has flown from His opinions so take heed; buy Xoth now.

#5. Wormhole // Almost Human – [#2, #4, #5, #5, #5, #9, #ish, #HM] – It takes a special kind of slam to breach the AMG aggregated list but Wormhole is a special sort of band. Having banged his drum about Almost Human almost all year, Kenstrosity surprisingly failed to AotY this album. But in doing so he was highly complimentary, noting that “Almost Human confirms that with the right songwriting, slam can be thoughtful, intentional, intricate, and enriching. Thanks to a healthy infusion of tech by way of tricky, but subtle maneuvers rather than straight-up wanking speed, Wormhole’s whimsically brutal metal suddenly transforms into something polished, elevated, and immersive.” Emphasizing the record’s heavier qualities, the ever-eloquent Saunders describes the release as a “visceral, ridiculously heavy, sci-fi-themed tech-slam assault.” And while we rightly review albums in their entirety rather than song-by-song, Dolphin Whisperer “repeatedly binged those first two singles as if they were a whole album to themselves.” It’s hard to deny songs so heavy but so gripping.2

#4. Carnosus // Visions of Infinihility – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #5, #7, #ish] – Visions of Infinihility offered some of 2023’s meatiest death metal. Angry Metal Guy was emphatic in His summary, penning that “the term tour de force was coined to describe albums like Visions of Infinihility. Sometimes an album simply rules and your record o’ the year choice is uncomplicated. Carnosus’ sophomore album is such an album.” As if this statement was insufficient, I’ll rely on Cherd to describe the thing: “a tech-death barn burner… tight, vicious, and catchy, this record also features [one of the] best harsh vocal performance of the year.”3 Some people – including me – are nonplussed by tech death, but Ferox has us poor bastards covered too: “every one of the nine tracks on Visions of Infinihility stands up to heavy listening… It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing four thousand dollar headphones or a bullet belt. Visions of Infinihility should appeal to wonks, diehards, and metalheads all across the spectrum.” You heard the man.

#3. Sodomisery // Mazzaroth – [#1, #2, #2, #6, #8, #8, #8, #10, #HM] – Sporting 2023’s shitty band name o’ the year, Sodomisery pulled no punches with their new record called Mazzaroth. Dr A.N. Grier describes how “with Mazzaroth came a new approach, emphasizing the black, death, and melodeath with massive orchestration atmospheres.” Its size warranted comment from other writers too; Twelve highlights “the vocal performance, the orchestrations, the songwriting—everything on Mazzaroth is top-tier, larger-than-life, incredible black metal.” More than anything, great music orbits around great song-writing and nowhere is that more apparent than with Sodomisery. Winning his favorite record of the year, newbie Iceberg commends this aspect. “The 36 minutes of Mazzaroth are as lean and mean as you can get… In the age of endless bloat, Sodomisery sharpen their knives and kill all their babies Spartan-style, leaving only razor-sharp riffing and inescapable songwriting in their wake.” You heard it here first; these Swedes killed their babies in pursuit of The Riff.

#2. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – [#1, #3, #3, #4, #4, #5, #5, #7, #10] – Residing in the top half of 7 lists, Air Not Meant for Us represented the best of 2023’s death and doom metal. Grymm compares these Connecticutens to sadboi legends, articulating that “Fires in the Distance took what makes Insomnium and Omnium Gatherum and added their own unique embellishments to create a truly captivating album.” Thus Spoke highlights its “distinctive form of ethereal, key-accented melodeath/doom”, but favors most how it’s “elegantly composed, stirring, and effortlessly graceful.” She wasn’t the only person to bond with this record. Doom et Al agreed that there are clear influences but still bestowed his top prize: “It isn’t particularly original, but I don’t care. Art is about the connection it forges with the person engaging with it, and I feel every note of Air Not Meant for Us in my marrow. There’s a longing and a beauty here that I connected with immediately.” Who am I – and who are you – to deny his emotions?

#1. Wayfarer // American Gothic – [#1, #1, #2, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #6, #7, #7, #7] – With 12 main list picks, 7 top 5s and 2 AotYs, there was little doubt that Wayfarer would take the aggregated top spot for 2023. Carcharodon posits that while its predecessor may have been “close to fulfilling the promise of their Wild West black metal, American Gothic is the album where everything that Wayfarer has struggled to bring together for years finally clicked into place.” Why is this? Awarding his AotY, Sentynel attributes it to “utterly seamless” genre blending. “This is the best of bleak country painted with the instrumentation of black metal. Electric guitars pick up melody lines from banjos with a twang. Distorted slide guitars get that pedal steel feeling. There’s even a honky-tonk piano.” Lesser bands have gimmicks; Wayfarer’s central synthesis is essential. “Black metal should not go well with the Old West. Wayfarer crafted not only their best album to date, but also an absorbing, engrossing classic that begs to be absorbed in full with your complete, utmost attention” (Grymm). If you miss this, we’ll see you at dawn. With pistols.

#2023 #Afterbirth #AngryMetalGuySTop10Ish_ #Ascension #BlogPosts #Carnosus #Convocation #Crypta #FiresInTheDistance #Godthrymm #Lists #Listurnalia #NightCrowned #Onheil #Panopticon #Saturnus #Sermon #Sodomisery #Somnuri #Tribunal #VanishingKids #Warcrab #Wayfarer #Wormhole #Xoth

One List to Debase Them All: AngryMetal Guy.com’s Aggregated Top 20 of 2023

By El Cuervo

This aggregation exercise represents my favorite article of the year. I enjoy identifying and highlighting those chosen few records worthy of additional recognition. But most of all I enjoy the sense of power derived from early access to other writers’ list data without the obligations flowing from being an editor. To my satisfaction, this list represents a diverse mix compared with certain previous years. Much ground is covered, from myriad metal sub-genres (death, black, doom, prog) to myriad tones (energetic, strange, historical, sadboi). I enjoy the variety, even if I don’t the specific choices. That said, we’re not helping our own argument against accusations that we despise all power and folk metal – with just one album from both sub-genres in the top 20 and an abundance selected by just a couple of people below this.

The most critical observation is that, compared with 2022, there are ~20% fewer unique records and voting points attributable to the top 10 albums is ~10% higher. This indicates greater alignment this year, with fewer albums chosen and stronger communal favorites. No doubt this is attributable to our loss of individuality and gradual morphing into one awful hivemind.

In a last ditch effort to save my own reputation at the cost of my colleagues, I want to emphasize that I personally had a distinct deviation from this aggregated list. As orchestrator of this article with early access to the data, I did attempt to identify why it was that some of these albums apparently had an impact on everyone else. The only conclusion I can draw following these attempts is that my faceless colleagues seek the average. They should try harder to be deliberately contrary next year; I expect that they’ll maliciously comply by picking the same 20 albums 20 times just to spite me.

–El Cuervo

#20. Crypta // Shades of Sorrow – “While Crypta is still fetid, OSDM adherents, Shades of Sorrow also amps both the black and thrash influences, resulting in a compelling sophomore effort that packs a significant, unforgettable punch” (Felagund).

#19. Onheil // In Black Ashes – “In Black Ashes is melodic black/death/speed/thrash at its finest. Onheil’s mastery of melody and songwriting elevates In Black Ashes into the stratosphere. Every track is a winner, and Onheil strikes an impossible balance between enthralling riffs and emotional heft” (Maddog).

#18. Ascension // Under the Veil of Madness – “There’s not one song on here that isn’t currently stuck in my head. Its huge choruses, hooky verses, and lightning fast shreddery have probably bonded with my DNA by this point” (Kenstrosity).

#17. Somnuri // Desiderirum – “The addition of (Soundgarden-esque) throwback radio alt-rock into their roiling pot of hardcore and progressive sludge makes Desiderium these Brooklynites’ strongest outing to date. It’s rare that an album this aggressive and energetic goes down this smooth” (Cherd).

#16. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – “Warcrab boasts fighting spirit, sharp claws, and a crustacean shell that’s fitted for turret combat. They’re obviously game for a scrap, but–as Cherd pointed out in his review–the band doesn’t have much competition in their death-sludge niche” (Ferox).

#15. Tribunal // The Weight of Remembrance – “With heavy doses of classic Candlemass and moments that recall the grim haunts of Fvneral Fvkk, Weight of Remembrance does so many things exceptionally well. There’s nothing I would change or trim on Weight of Remembrance, and if anything, I wish it was a little longer. Doom perfection” (Steel Druhm).

#14. Panopticon // The Rime of Memory – “Panopticon—particularly on more recent records—seems to have a unique ability to tug on my heartstrings and to blend the most ferocious of black metal with the most serene and evocative Appalachian folk. The Rime of Memory more than matched my lofty hopes” (Thus Spoke).

#13. Godthrymm // Distortions – “With meaty riffs, soaring leads, a fantastic rhythm section, and keyboardist Catherine Glencross’ angelic voice, this classic-doom-meets-classic-Pallbearer configuration landed my top spot as soon as I finished listening to it for the first time” (Grymm).

#12. Saturnus // The Storm Within – “The opening tracks comprise the best one-two punch of the year, while the back half of the album feels like an unraveling and stripping down. The Storm Within is a magnificently monolithic and aptly dreary return to form from Saturnus” (Dear Hollow).

#11. Night Crowned // Tales – “The intense blasting and no-holds-barred shrieking always hold a melodic thread that makes it more than a wall of noise, whether it be from extra vocal layers, subtly interweaved symphonics, or a goddamn hurdy-gurdy that works way better than it should” (GardensTale).

#10. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – [#1, #2, #8, #8, #9, #HM, #HM, #HM, #HM] – Miracle of Death earns the dubious honor of winning more list mentions than the six records ahead of it, but only reaches this tenth spot due to generally low rankings. Undeterred, Steel Druhm highlights the band’s unusual combination of sounds, describing a “strange witch’s brew of genres and styles that is unique and enchanting… It’s doom, it’s goth rock, it’s 70s acid rock all wrapped into one enigmatic, ethereal burrito.” Despite the allusion to hot food, Twelve instead reckons that the album “takes me to a cold place. It’s emotional, but it feels like numbness; it’s quiet, but leaves a huge impression… any time I’ve felt low throughout the year, Vanishing Kids has been there.” This sense of something beyond easy description is mirrored by Carcharodon, who argues that the band “have that very rare something, that je ne sais quoi…. to create something truly unique requires genuine craft and these guys have it in spades.” Check out metal’s innovators.

#9. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – [#1, #4, #6, #7, #8, #ish, #HM, #HM] – Serving arguably the heaviest slot on this list1, Convocation and No Dawn for the Caliginous Night offered a mighty force of doom in 2023. Dear Hollow illustrates the heavier qualities of the release (“No Dawn for the Caliginous Night channels mammoth death-doom and despondent funeral doom to accomplish a weight both viciously devastating and patiently atmospheric”) while Kenstrosity instead prefers the counter-weight of both sides of the sound (“[their] deeply affecting use of orchestration and clean vocals to light up my nervous system while the heft of [their] tectonic death doom strives to end my life”). Bands like this remind us of our humanity and our finite nature; few records could be pitched as “a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels” but Convocation does this as Cherd‘s AotY. Step back, breathe deeply, and simply listen. No Dawn for the Caliginous Night exists in these moments.

#8. Afterbirth // In But Not Of – [#1, #1, #2, #3] – Inspiring a deep love among its few accolytes, Afterbirth reached this list through just a few list-topping selections. In But Not Of offers brutal death metal that isn’t just smart compared with its own – often blunt – sub-genre, but that is smart compared with anything. “For a band that traffics in slammy, knuckle-dragging brutal death, In But Not Of carries with it an undeniable progressive, cerebral quality, which feels like a logical outgrowth from their previous effort” (Felagund). Indeed, Doom et Al finds its progressive qualities its most compelling, describing that “while the first half of brutal, spacy, wacky death metal is great, the second half, with its explorations into post-metal and prog is where real greatness happens”. Nuanced, layered music invites exploration, and even our resident death metal enthusiasts concur: “Afterbirth crams an abundance of riches into a brutal death metal album that twists and transmutes… I continue to find surprises almost every time I revisit In But Not Of” (Ferox). This album exemplifies the power of invention and intrigue.

#7. Sermon // Of Golden Verse – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #9] – Boasting AMG.com’s prog o’ the year award, Of Golden Verse by Sermon is the sole album here also picked by yours truly. I found that “Sermon’s undulating song-writing style results in music that ebbs from steely, tense atmospheres and flows to passionate, cathartic explosions. Dramatic, sure. But exciting.” Saunders, awarding his album o’ the year, favors the record’s singularity, given that “Sermon boasts a unique sound they can call their own, where dark, eerie and deadly serious vibes and almost melodramatic flair flows through towering, intelligent, and emotive prog metal epics.” But even more than its dynamic songs and novelty, GardensTale underlines the most beguiling quality of Of Golden Verse: “What attracts me the most is the sense of threat. Sermon looms a great dark ominous wall that swallows the background and casts everything in shade. For an album to hold its breath even while beating you down is exquisite.” Few records are so powerful.

#6. Xoth // Exogalactic – [#1, #3, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #ish] – The first of three techy, deathy albums in a row, Exogalactic by Xoth consolidates the band as a bona fide site favorite. “Xoth’s brand of technical blackened death-thrash is a sci-fi spectacle. Exogalactic’s futuristic riffs, twisting melodies, and narrative arcs make it feel like reptilian aliens are indeed enslaving humans as gladiators… Every time I listen to Exogalactic, I can’t help but grin” (Maddog). More than simple smiles, Dr. Wvrm never hides his arousal around riffs. Of Exogalactic, he describes it as “prostrate before that holiest of holy, The Riff. So of course, the end product [is] impeccable, incredible, impossibly fucking good.” AMG Himself delights in “the consistently best thrashy melodic death metal this world has heard since the early-90s” and continues that “Xoth has started to cement themselves as one of my favorite bands.” This entire website has flown from His opinions so take heed; buy Xoth now.

#5. Wormhole // Almost Human – [#2, #4, #5, #5, #5, #9, #ish, #HM] – It takes a special kind of slam to breach the AMG aggregated list but Wormhole is a special sort of band. Having banged his drum about Almost Human almost all year, Kenstrosity surprisingly failed to AotY this album. But in doing so he was highly complimentary, noting that “Almost Human confirms that with the right songwriting, slam can be thoughtful, intentional, intricate, and enriching. Thanks to a healthy infusion of tech by way of tricky, but subtle maneuvers rather than straight-up wanking speed, Wormhole’s whimsically brutal metal suddenly transforms into something polished, elevated, and immersive.” Emphasizing the record’s heavier qualities, the ever-eloquent Saunders describes the release as a “visceral, ridiculously heavy, sci-fi-themed tech-slam assault.” And while we rightly review albums in their entirety rather than song-by-song, Dolphin Whisperer “repeatedly binged those first two singles as if they were a whole album to themselves.” It’s hard to deny songs so heavy but so gripping.2

#4. Carnosus // Visions of Infinihility – [#1, #2, #4, #4, #5, #7, #ish] – Visions of Infinihility offered some of 2023’s meatiest death metal. Angry Metal Guy was emphatic in His summary, penning that “the term tour de force was coined to describe albums like Visions of Infinihility. Sometimes an album simply rules and your record o’ the year choice is uncomplicated. Carnosus’ sophomore album is such an album.” As if this statement was insufficient, I’ll rely on Cherd to describe the thing: “a tech-death barn burner… tight, vicious, and catchy, this record also features [one of the] best harsh vocal performance of the year.”3 Some people – including me – are nonplussed by tech death, but Ferox has us poor bastards covered too: “every one of the nine tracks on Visions of Infinihility stands up to heavy listening… It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing four thousand dollar headphones or a bullet belt. Visions of Infinihility should appeal to wonks, diehards, and metalheads all across the spectrum.” You heard the man.

#3. Sodomisery // Mazzaroth – [#1, #2, #2, #6, #8, #8, #8, #10, #HM] – Sporting 2023’s shitty band name o’ the year, Sodomisery pulled no punches with their new record called Mazzaroth. Dr A.N. Grier describes how “with Mazzaroth came a new approach, emphasizing the black, death, and melodeath with massive orchestration atmospheres.” Its size warranted comment from other writers too; Twelve highlights “the vocal performance, the orchestrations, the songwriting—everything on Mazzaroth is top-tier, larger-than-life, incredible black metal.” More than anything, great music orbits around great song-writing and nowhere is that more apparent than with Sodomisery. Winning his favorite record of the year, newbie Iceberg commends this aspect. “The 36 minutes of Mazzaroth are as lean and mean as you can get… In the age of endless bloat, Sodomisery sharpen their knives and kill all their babies Spartan-style, leaving only razor-sharp riffing and inescapable songwriting in their wake.” You heard it here first; these Swedes killed their babies in pursuit of The Riff.

#2. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – [#1, #3, #3, #4, #4, #5, #5, #7, #10] – Residing in the top half of 7 lists, Air Not Meant for Us represented the best of 2023’s death and doom metal. Grymm compares these Connecticutens to sadboi legends, articulating that “Fires in the Distance took what makes Insomnium and Omnium Gatherum and added their own unique embellishments to create a truly captivating album.” Thus Spoke highlights its “distinctive form of ethereal, key-accented melodeath/doom”, but favors most how it’s “elegantly composed, stirring, and effortlessly graceful.” She wasn’t the only person to bond with this record. Doom et Al agreed that there are clear influences but still bestowed his top prize: “It isn’t particularly original, but I don’t care. Art is about the connection it forges with the person engaging with it, and I feel every note of Air Not Meant for Us in my marrow. There’s a longing and a beauty here that I connected with immediately.” Who am I – and who are you – to deny his emotions?

#1. Wayfarer // American Gothic – [#1, #1, #2, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #6, #7, #7, #7] – With 12 main list picks, 7 top 5s and 2 AotYs, there was little doubt that Wayfarer would take the aggregated top spot for 2023. Carcharodon posits that while its predecessor may have been “close to fulfilling the promise of their Wild West black metal, American Gothic is the album where everything that Wayfarer has struggled to bring together for years finally clicked into place.” Why is this? Awarding his AotY, Sentynel attributes it to “utterly seamless” genre blending. “This is the best of bleak country painted with the instrumentation of black metal. Electric guitars pick up melody lines from banjos with a twang. Distorted slide guitars get that pedal steel feeling. There’s even a honky-tonk piano.” Lesser bands have gimmicks; Wayfarer’s central synthesis is essential. “Black metal should not go well with the Old West. Wayfarer crafted not only their best album to date, but also an absorbing, engrossing classic that begs to be absorbed in full with your complete, utmost attention” (Grymm). If you miss this, we’ll see you at dawn. With pistols.

#2023 #Afterbirth #AngryMetalGuySTop10Ish_ #Ascension #BlogPosts #Carnosus #Convocation #Crypta #FiresInTheDistance #Godthrymm #Lists #Listurnalia #NightCrowned #Onheil #Panopticon #Saturnus #Sermon #Sodomisery #Somnuri #Tribunal #VanishingKids #Warcrab #Wayfarer #Wormhole #Xoth

Private: Steel Druhm’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Steel Druhm

Well, we made it the end of another year full of surprises, disappointments, gains and losses. 2023 saw us add a few new voices to the AMG staff and sadly, it will see a few longtime members of the family stepping back from the day-to-day operations and activities. The much beloved Madam X has moved on from managing our everflowing stream of promos and that will now be handled by yours Steely. Sadly, our main cat man Grymm is also moving on for the time being, taking some personal time away from the deadlines and pressures of nonstop blogwork.

Throughout all the changes we’ve endured over the years, both good and bad, the AMG mission remains the same: to bring you the most honest, insightful, and entertaining reviews possible without being beholden to labels or outside pressures because we earn absolutely nothing for our efforts, We are truly terrible capitalists, but we love metal as much as you do and we want to talk about it, so the site grinds on year after year. I hope it always does.

Let’s all embrace the new year and what it holds for us. Life is always an adventure and one best shared with people you care about who make you laugh and make you think. If you don’t have those people, WE can be those people. Get on the war wagon with us and into the future we go!

Without further ado, here are the things that brought out my inner primate in 2023.

(ish) Blood Oath // Lost in an Eternal Silence – One of the year’s best and most entertaining throwback death metal releases, Lost in an Eternal Silence targets the exact point where early death metal looked to the skies and dreamed of being something more complex. Blood Oath have the raw talent and crazy creativity to recapture the early days of death metal and to replicate that frantic jump from brutality to proggy insanity that the genre toyed with in the late 80s. The album is the perfect blend of nostalgia and insane creativity, melding the past with the present and what may be the future. One of the most inventive and zany death platters of the year.

#10. Tanith // Voyage – Formed by Satan axe-master Russ Tippins, Tanith exist in a space between classic NWoBHM and 70s hard tock with a sheen of folk covering the entire enterprise. On sophomore outing Voyage, they take this retro formula and mine it for every ounce of precious metal, crafting some killer little gems along the way. Songs like “Snow Tiger” and “Olympus by Dawn” have been replayed more times than I can count and there’s something magical and endearingly DIY and indie about this whole release. It’s not especially heavy, but the hooks stick so deep, you won’t care much. This is the Charmer o’ the Year for sure.

#9. The Night Eternal // Fatale – I loved the sadly defunct act In Solitude dearly. Their mash-up of NWoBHM, occult metal and Mercyful Fate was hard to resist and I wanted more, more MOAR. When I first stumbled on The Night Eternal, it sounded to me as if In Solitude had possessed them, forcing them to pick up where they left off. I’m very okay with this and Fatale plays out like the new In Solitude platter I so desperately wanted. It’s the same sweet, hooky mix of classic Mercyful Fate-isms, chilly occult rock, Goth rock and early 80s metal. This thing gets into your head deep and demands many replays, and if I had found it earlier, it would have moved up the rankings considerably. Get this and feel The Night’s iron grip.

#8. Oak // Disintegrate – Oak is the project of Gaerea lead guitarist/vocalist, Guilherme Henriques, and instead of creating another black metal act, Oak is steered into the funeral doom universe and what better way to accomplish that than to make Disintegrate one 45-minute-long track? Yes, that makes for a daunting, intense listen but the beauty of what Oak do is just how listenable their ultra doom, deathy sound ends up. Heavy as fook riffs intertwine with weepy melancholic trills and beautifully emotive solo work and the listener gets carried along on ephemeral waves. The ebb and flow of the 45 minutes is remarkable and it never feels bogged down or dead in the mud. This is first-rate writing and execution and the slightly blackened edges add a great spice to the wood flavor. Bring in this wood.

#7. Rotpit // Let There Be Rot – In the time of old school death metal mania, Rotpit is the proudly unevolved monkey. Formed by members of Heads of the Dead, Wombbath, Just Before Dawn, and Revel in Flesh, Rotpit has the pedigree, and they leverage it to make Let There Be Rot the most over-the-top fun, mindless, dumb, death platter of the year. Cuts like “Slimebreeder,” “Let There Be Rot,” and “Beastfeeder” are Grade A bloody meat with no expiration date, and you will use them as the soundtrack to everything you do in life. This idiotic collection of caveman deathage has been a constant companion to me since it dropped and I’m stupider for having its company.

#6. Serpent Corpse // Blood Sabbath – Picking the best old school death metal platter of this year was no easy feat in 2023. There was so much good death this year at times it felt impossible to stay ahead of it and give everything a fair listen. At the end of the race though, it was Serpent Corpse that kept dragging me back for another beating more than anyone else, though Rotpit came so close! Their toxic blend of Autopsy-core and the scuzziest of Swedeath HM-2 abuse is seasoned with unexpected doses of melodeath to create a near-perfect cacophony of chaos that feels old but also fresh and evil. This things slithers, slaps, and grinds in all the ways a deathhead wants and needs. Get it inside your skull.

#5. Prong // State of Emergency – My bingo card for 2023 did NOT include falling in love with a new Prong album and beating it into the ground for 4 months straight. As much as I loved those classic Prong platters in the late 80s and 90s, they went through a long period of weak/erratic release and I had only been impressed by 2012s Carved in Stone. That’s why State of Emergency hits so damn hard. It’s the best thing Prong’s done in forever and takes you back to the salad days when they were on the cusp of metal’s adventurous edge. This thing is chocked full of the best riffs and harmonies Tommy Victor’s dreamed up in a long time and every song grabs you and smacks you around with NYC attitude. It;s so good to hear these back in fighting shape!

#4. Saturnus // The Storm Within – Saturnus have always had a relaxed release schedule, with only 5 albums to show for some 30 years in the business. It took them almost 10 years to drop The Storm Within, but the product was well worth the impossible wait, ending up one of the most polished and captivating doom albums of the year. Recapturing their classic sound and ability to wring emotion from the listener, Saturnus does their doom thing with style and panache all across the album, blending crushing riffs, airy trilling and mournful melodies to harsh your mellow completely. I’ve heard loose talk about this album being overrated or overhyped. Ignore that noise and tell the spewer to taste the floor!

#3. Isole // Anesidora – There weren’t a lot of classic doom releases that blew me away, by Isole have my number and once again they used it to knock me flat with their take on the Candlemass style on Anesidora.

#2. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death –

#1. Tribunal // The Weight of Remembrance –

HM

Overkill // Scorched –

Phobocosm //

Theocracy // Mosiac –

Wytch Hazel //

Vomitory // All Heads Will Roll –

Disquished Malignance //

Dripping Decay //

Wormhole //

Autopsy //

Sacred Outcry //

#2023 #BlogPost #BlooaOath #DisquishedMalignance #Isole #Listurnalia #Oak #Overkill #Phobocosm #Prong #Rotpit #Saturnus #SerpentCorpse #SteelDruhmSTopTenIshOf2023 #Tanith #TheNightEternal #Theocracy #Tribulation #VanishingKids #Vomitory #WytchHazel

Private: Steel Druhm’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Steel Druhm

Well, we made it the end of another year full of surprises, disappointments, gains and losses. 2023 saw us add a few new voices to the AMG staff and sadly, it will see a few longtime members of the family stepping back from the day-to-day operations and activities. The much beloved Madam X has moved on from managing our everflowing stream of promos and that will now be handled by yours Steely. Sadly, our main cat man Grymm is also moving on for the time being, taking some personal time away from the deadlines and pressures of nonstop blogwork.

Throughout all the changes we’ve endured over the years, both good and bad, the AMG mission remains the same: to bring you the most honest, insightful, and entertaining reviews possible without being beholden to labels or outside pressures because we earn absolutely nothing for our efforts, We are truly terrible capitalists, but we love metal as much as you do and we want to talk about it, so the site grinds on year after year. I hope it always does.

Let’s all embrace the new year and what it holds for us. Life is always an adventure and one best shared with people you care about who make you laugh and make you think. If you don’t have those people, WE can be those people. Get on the war wagon with us and into the future we go!

Without further ado, here are the things that brought out my inner primate in 2023.

(ish) Blood Oath // Lost in an Eternal Silence – One of the year’s best and most entertaining throwback death metal releases, Lost in an Eternal Silence targets the exact point where early death metal looked to the skies and dreamed of being something more complex. Blood Oath have the raw talent and crazy creativity to recapture the early days of death metal and to replicate that frantic jump from brutality to proggy insanity that the genre toyed with in the late 80s. The album is the perfect blend of nostalgia and insane creativity, melding the past with the present and what may be the future. One of the most inventive and zany death platters of the year.

#10. Tanith // Voyage – Formed by Satan axe-master Russ Tippins, Tanith exist in a space between classic NWoBHM and 70s hard tock with a sheen of folk covering the entire enterprise. On sophomore outing Voyage, they take this retro formula and mine it for every ounce of precious metal, crafting some killer little gems along the way. Songs like “Snow Tiger” and “Olympus by Dawn” have been replayed more times than I can count and there’s something magical and endearingly DIY and indie about this whole release. It’s not especially heavy, but the hooks stick so deep, you won’t care much. This is the Charmer o’ the Year for sure.

#9. The Night Eternal // Fatale – I loved the sadly defunct act In Solitude dearly. Their mash-up of NWoBHM, occult metal and Mercyful Fate was hard to resist and I wanted more, more MOAR. When I first stumbled on The Night Eternal, it sounded to me as if In Solitude had possessed them, forcing them to pick up where they left off. I’m very okay with this and Fatale plays out like the new In Solitude platter I so desperately wanted. It’s the same sweet, hooky mix of classic Mercyful Fate-isms, chilly occult rock, Goth rock and early 80s metal. This thing gets into your head deep and demands many replays, and if I had found it earlier, it would have moved up the rankings considerably. Get this and feel The Night’s iron grip.

#8. Oak // Disintegrate – Oak is the project of Gaerea lead guitarist/vocalist, Guilherme Henriques, and instead of creating another black metal act, Oak is steered into the funeral doom universe and what better way to accomplish that than to make Disintegrate one 45-minute-long track? Yes, that makes for a daunting, intense listen but the beauty of what Oak do is just how listenable their ultra doom, deathy sound ends up. Heavy as fook riffs intertwine with weepy melancholic trills and beautifully emotive solo work and the listener gets carried along on ephemeral waves. The ebb and flow of the 45 minutes is remarkable and it never feels bogged down or dead in the mud. This is first-rate writing and execution and the slightly blackened edges add a great spice to the wood flavor. Bring in this wood.

#7. Rotpit // Let There Be Rot – In the time of old school death metal mania, Rotpit is the proudly unevolved monkey. Formed by members of Heads of the Dead, Wombbath, Just Before Dawn, and Revel in Flesh, Rotpit has the pedigree, and they leverage it to make Let There Be Rot the most over-the-top fun, mindless, dumb, death platter of the year. Cuts like “Slimebreeder,” “Let There Be Rot,” and “Beastfeeder” are Grade A bloody meat with no expiration date, and you will use them as the soundtrack to everything you do in life. This idiotic collection of caveman deathage has been a constant companion to me since it dropped and I’m stupider for having its company.

#6. Serpent Corpse // Blood Sabbath – Picking the best old school death metal platter of this year was no easy feat in 2023. There was so much good death this year at times it felt impossible to stay ahead of it and give everything a fair listen. At the end of the race though, it was Serpent Corpse that kept dragging me back for another beating more than anyone else, though Rotpit came so close! Their toxic blend of Autopsy-core and the scuzziest of Swedeath HM-2 abuse is seasoned with unexpected doses of melodeath to create a near-perfect cacophony of chaos that feels old but also fresh and evil. This things slithers, slaps, and grinds in all the ways a deathhead wants and needs. Get it inside your skull.

#5. Prong // State of Emergency – My bingo card for 2023 did NOT include falling in love with a new Prong album and beating it into the ground for 4 months straight. As much as I loved those classic Prong platters in the late 80s and 90s, they went through a long period of weak/erratic release and I had only been impressed by 2012s Carved in Stone. That’s why State of Emergency hits so damn hard. It’s the best thing Prong’s done in forever and takes you back to the salad days when they were on the cusp of metal’s adventurous edge. This thing is chocked full of the best riffs and harmonies Tommy Victor’s dreamed up in a long time and every song grabs you and smacks you around with NYC attitude. It;s so good to hear these back in fighting shape!

#4. Saturnus // The Storm Within – Saturnus have always had a relaxed release schedule, with only 5 albums to show for some 30 years in the business. It took them almost 10 years to drop The Storm Within, but the product was well worth the impossible wait, ending up one of the most polished and captivating doom albums of the year. Recapturing their classic sound and ability to wring emotion from the listener, Saturnus does their doom thing with style and panache all across the album, blending crushing riffs, airy trilling and mournful melodies to harsh your mellow completely. I’ve heard loose talk about this album being overrated or overhyped. Ignore that noise and tell the spewer to taste the floor!

#3. Isole // Anesidora – There weren’t a lot of classic doom releases that blew me away, by Isole have my number and once again they used it to knock me flat with their take on the Candlemass style on Anesidora.

#2. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death –

#1. Tribunal // The Weight of Remembrance –

HM

Overkill // Scorched –

Phobocosm //

Theocracy // Mosiac –

Wytch Hazel //

Vomitory // All Heads Will Roll –

Disquished Malignance //

Dripping Decay //

Wormhole //

Autopsy //

Sacred Outcry //

#2023 #BlogPost #BlooaOath #DisquishedMalignance #Isole #Listurnalia #Oak #Overkill #Phobocosm #Prong #Rotpit #Saturnus #SerpentCorpse #SteelDruhmSTopTenIshOf2023 #Tanith #TheNightEternal #Theocracy #Tribulation #VanishingKids #Vomitory #WytchHazel

Grymm’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Grymm

2013: A wild Abbathian kitty appears, hellbent and determined to expose the world to bad jokes, hilarious perspectives, and most importantly, absolutely astonishingly great metal and metal-adjacent bands and performing artists. With his trusty minions by his side, this Blashyrkh-born-and-raised feline sets off into the realms of Angry Metal Guy with only one goal in mind: to spread the gospel of incredible music to the ears of those willing to listen. Hungry and passionate, and inspired by the likes of influential writers from the olden days of Metal Maniacs Magazine and Terrorizer, as well as trailblazers in the online world such as Metal Review/Last Rites, this cat marches forth, prepared for battle and the spoils of war to last for generations to come.

2023: A warehouse supervisor from Northeastern Florida, who’s squeezing what little free time he has in-between long work weeks with even longer hours, stares wearily and angrily at a blank WordPress screen. His eyes glaze over, knowing what he has to say but not how to go about it without constantly hitting that backspace key in a combined fit of worry and hesitation. Exhausted from work, and beaten down and heartbroken by what life has thrown his way over the last five years, this gentleman sits at his keyboard, glowing a soft blue like his favorite protagonist from his all-time favorite RPG,1 and prepares to type up a list of this year’s music that barely got him by, while also trying to come up with words to say about how he got here, how he’s really feeling, and everything surrounding those things without angering or disappointing others, knowing full well that it will be a fruitless endeavor because, as we all know, someone will pitch a bitchfit in the comments section. And with that, he sets forth on what is most likely the final thing he’ll write, at least for a good, long while.

These two wildly different characters are, as you can probably guess, the very same person. When I came onboard with Angry Metal Guy over a decade ago, the very idea of reviewing classic and new bands in my absolute favorite genre in the world, a genre that saved my pimply, awkward, teenage ass on many occasions, I jumped at the opportunity without hesitation. I wanted to inspire other metalheads like Alicia Morgan, Ula Gehret, Jeff Wagner, Mike Greenblatt, Greg Moffitt, S. Craig Zahler, Jordan Campbell, Dan Obstkrieg, and the late Katherine Ludwig did for me to hunt for, and write about, great metal music. In my eyes, Angry Metal Guy, not Decibel, was the closest in spirit to the late, great Metal Maniacs, and I wanted in on that. Throughout the last decade, not only did Angry Metal Guy the man take me under his wing, but so did Steel Druhm and Madam X, giving me insight and valuable tips on how to improve and leave my own mark without ever compromising my voice or my views. Also, I met some amazing people here, both readers and writers, that I wouldn’t have otherwise had I not written that review for Vattnet Viskar’s Sky Swallower. Seriously, the writers that are here now are some of the best people I have ever had the pleasure of working with, and they’re all amazing people with good hearts. I will not take their (or your) friendships and teamwork lightly. You’re all a second family to me, one I will cherish always, and I love you all. This is, more often than not, a thankless endeavor where you’re oftentimes been put through the wringer unjustly, so dealing with it at all to continue promoting bands should be commended.

So… what happened? To try to keep it brief as humanly possible, life happened. In 2018, I lost my older brother to a combination of personal neglect caused by depression, combined with a bacterial infection that lead to sepsis and a fatal heart attack. 2019, instead of taking time to grieve, I dove into work and writing. Quickly realizing that it was a mistake in doing so, I promised myself to not do that going forward. From 2020 through 2022, I would not be able to fulfill that promise, as my work exploded due to the pandemic, working myself past exhaustion to the point where I almost died from bacterial pneumonia in the tail end of 2021. This year alone, between losing one of my all-time favorite cats ever to cancer at an alarmingly young age, and having my partner lose his mom not even a full week later, and dealing with an estate that could have very well left us homeless, all combined to do a number on my physical and mental well-being to the point where my (now former) doctor was concerned due to the fact many of my newly-acquired symptoms I was experiencing this year mirrored those of colorectal cancer. Thankfully, it was all “just” the wonderful side effects of extreme burnout and being stressed the fuck out, but it made me realize that writing, and responding to people who are mad that I (checks notes) enjoyed things, needed to take a back seat in a big way.

But two other things set the decision in motion. One is the sorry state of metal sites and magazines, and how they go about covering things. I don’t believe in non-stop hype of mid-to-terrible bands,2 nor do I believe extraneously overwrought word salad to the point of sheer nonsense is the way to go,3 but at least they cover new bands that most would probably never have heard of otherwise. Your Shores of Nulls, your Darkhers, your Vainajas and the like. Sites like Metal Injection, on the other hand, can’t be fucked to do that, since it’s obviously more important to cover everyone’s favorite born-again chucklefuck and how he felt about trying to unalive his ex-wife via hitman/undercover cop, or Greg Kennelty shaming others because his favorite cilantro of the month is now popular. Ever since Albert Mudrian and Decibel decided it would be a splendid idea to not only give Burzum a fucking cover, but also a goddamn Decibel Hall of Fame induction in 2011, giving absolute pieces of shit a voice, or bands who already have a gross overabundance of coverage, is not only welcome, but seemingly encouraged at the expense of those who are battling to just be seen and heard. I don’t care about Sleep Token. I sure as shit don’t give an eighth of a fuck what Tim Lambesis’ shoulder routine is. That said, these days I’m just tickled pink that Kennelty has stopped rewriting negative reviews into way more positive ones, at least for the time being.

But most egregiously, there was something else that happened in the tail end of 2021 that ultimately sealed the deal, and it involved my second coming-out piece, and a certain Top Ten(ish) entry made in response to that (which got its own response). I’m not going into more detail about it out of respect to my fellow writers who also put in the hard work to move on from it, as everyone who’s been reading the site for a long time knows. All I can say is that, even with my best efforts to move on, it did a number on my creativity, humor, and most painfully my desire to write to the point where I feel like I’m merely going through the motions since it happened.

Which, to be frank, isn’t fair to me, it isn’t fair to anyone here writing for this great site, and it sure as shit isn’t fair to you. This year’s top ten is going to be the last thing I write here, at least for a long time, until I can find the passion, the hunger, and the drive to write again about the music I still love, even if portions of it want me gone, peacefully or not. I will continue to support my favorite bands. I will continue reading and chiming in to Angry Metal Guy. I will continue to quietly fight for those whose voices need to be heard. I’ll just be supporting from the sidelines from this point forward. If I find that passion again, things could be different. For now, though, the site needs people who are far hungrier than I am, and I need time to break away and rediscover my smile again.

I guess what I want to say is… thank you all, writers and readers, for the memories, the friendships, the great music, and the ability to give a worn-out warehouse supervisor a voice and an attempt at a teenage dream. Ten years is a long, long time, and I love you all for putting up with me for that long. In departing, I’ll quote Anaal Nathrakh’s anthem, “Endarkenment”:

“Take what small comfort there may be left;
seize what you love, and damn all the rest.”

Onward, now and forever…

#ish. Wormhole // Almost Human – Anything even remotely coming close to the wheelhouse of Voivod will get a near-Pavlovian response from me, and Wormhole’s skronky, atonal, and relentlessly heavy take on our favorite Québécois is undeniable. To quote our favorite resident sponge, “WOOOOOOOOORMHOOOOOOOOOLE!!!”

#10. Saturnus // The Storm Within – Denmark’s Saturnus is quickly joining up with the Peaceville Three in terms of being a doom/death institution, and their fifth album showcases just why that is. With crushing riffs, soaring leads by Indee Rehal-Sagoo (ex-Eye of Solitude), The Storm Within is a deadly catch, indeed.

#9. Sulphur Aeon // Seven Crowns and Seven Seals – Germanic blackened death metal prodigies Sulphur Aeon finally returned after a five-year absence with the remarkable Seven Crowns and Seven Seals, an album that many claim to be not as strong as their three prior releases… which is an awful lot like saying comparing a championship win against another from the same sports team in subsequent seasons. It’s still a winner, and head and shoulders above their contemporaries.

#8. Thantifaxath // Hive Mind Narcosis – This anonymous Canadian trio continues to impress and terrify, with atonal riffs, barely-together rhythms, and the foreboding sense of everything feeling like it’s caving in and collapsing all at once add up to one of 2023’s most chaotic and frightening albums. If you enjoy excessive headfuckery, this is your ticket.

#7. Karras // We Poison Their Young – There needs to be more albums that just get to the point without any fat or bullshit getting in the way, and France’s Karras say more in 21 minutes than most band with three, even four, times as much length. Get in, fuck shit up, move the fuck on. More, please.

#6. Wreathe // The Land Is Not An Idle God – I miss Fall of Efrafa. I also love Morrow. Chances are, you do, too. Wreathe features key members of both bands, as well as Arboricidio, and it throws down just as hard and passionately as all three aforementioned bands. If you love emokrust, you are either onto this, or discovering it right the fuck now. You’re welcome!

#5. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant For Us – If you told me years ago that some of the best melodic doom/death would be from Connecticut, I would have laughed in your face to the point of an asthma attack. Yet, Fires in the Distance took what makes Insomnium and Omnium Gatherum4 and added their own unique embellishments to create a truly captivating album in Air Not Meant For Us. I await further installments.

#4. Reverend Kristin Michael Hayter // Saved! – Healing isn’t easy, joyous, or pretty. It can be downright ugly and uncomfortable. So when the former Lingua Ignota decided to bury that moniker and go by her birth name, nobody knew what to expect except that it would be brutally honest and at times discomforting, and Saved!, with its sound akin to a field recording of an Appalachian fundamentalist cult, definitely nails both while not only being painful to experience, but in an odd way, provides a beautiful, if disturbing, painting of the healing process.

#3. Wayfarer // American Gothic – Black metal should not go well with the Old West. Denver, Colorado’s Wayfarer flew against this very notion, and crafted not only their best album to date, but also an absorbing, engrossing classic that begs to be absorbed in full with your complete, utmost attention. Never has black metal felt or sounded so goddamn warm, like a freshly-killed outlaw baking in the hot Tucson sun.

#2. Shores of Null // The Loss of Beauty – One of the things I loved most about writing here is watching new bands make their ascent, and on The Loss of Beauty, Italian doom lords Shores of Null are soaring now. With their captivating riff work, melancholic melodies, and Davide Straccione’s incredible vocals, The Loss of Beauty is the sound of a still-young band bringing their A-game to the fore.

#1. Godthrymm // Distortions – Reflections, the 2020 debut from Godthrymm, just barely missed the top spot that year, but still showed off how strong of a debut it was. Distortions improved what Reflections laid down, with meaty riffs, soaring leads, a fantastic rhythm section, and keyboardist Catherine Glencross’ angelic voice providing a complimentary accompaniment to her husband Hamish’s improved5 vocal delivery. This classic-doom-meets-classic-Pallbearer configuration landed my top spot as soon as I finished listening to it for the first time, and again, and again, and…

Biggest Disappointments o’ 2023

• The Passing of Kevin “Geordie” Walker – As a fledgling metalhead dipping his toes in the underground, one of the videos that helped nudge me into the direction of the more heavier, deeper waters was “Millennium,” the first single off of Pandemonium, the comeback album by legendary post-punk/industrial pioneers Killing Joke. So taken back by how vital, energetic, and direct it sounded, I bought Pandemonium, and was instantly blown away by how multi-faceted and talented guitarist Kevin “Geordie” Walker was. Slowly but surely, I would pull from different eras of Killing Joke’s discography, including both self-titleds, and besides Jaz Coleman’s frantic end-of-days proselytizing and gravel-coated voice, it was Walker’s hypnotically inventive guitar licks and powerful riffs that would become the soundtrack for many a workout session. Hearing of his passing in November was like losing a favorite uncle, and I know my listening habits would have changed drastically had I not been exposed to Walker or Killing Joke. Honour the fire forever, good chap.
• Aaron Lewis – Before I begin, this isn’t against hunting. If you’re at all carnivorous (like me), it’s a necessity in order to… y’know, live. But when everyone’s favorite whiner who bemoans how much of a bunch of snowflakes my generation and younger are while gleefully supplying the soundtrack of such snowflakery decides to use the bodies of 32 dead coyotes to promote his favorite businessman-turned-former President, you go from “nu-metal has-been” to “absolute piece of shit” in record time. And seeing as how nu-metal’s got no shortage of pieces of shit, that’s saying something. Speaking of pieces of shit…
• K.K. Downing – …dude, just fucking stop. Just. STOP. When I quit my last job acrimoniously, I didn’t try to win my job back while simultaneously taking a steaming shit on the owners. I left and never looked back. K.K., on the other hand, is special. I don’t know the full details, and I don’t want to know the full details, due to K.K. deciding to act like a crybaby and a perpetual victim, instead of behaving like he was one-half of Judas Priest’s highly influential guitar duo at one point. They even reached out to play the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with the current line-up, to try to mend fences, and he still bitched up a storm. Be happy that you’ve got Judas Priest at Home your namesake Dollar Tree rip-off band now.
• The Sale and Butchering of Bandcamp – If you’ve known us for any length of time, you can probably guess that we all love Bandcamp around these parts. Easily the most artist-friendly music service out there, Bandcamp gave upcoming bands and labels, especially those who could use the reach, a voice and a chance, and even more so during Bandcamp Fridays, where the site’s fees were waived for all purchases. So of course Epic Games would buy it in March of last year, and then sell it to Songtradr, who would go on to lay off half of Bandcamp’s staff, including all those who were trying to unionize in order to protect their jobs. Was Bandcamp perfect? No, but I guarantee you most of your favorite new bands would have suffered if Bandcamp didn’t exist. To call this “heartbreaking” and “callous” would be a gross understatement. My heart goes out to those affected by the layoffs, and a giant, massive fuck you to Epic Games and Songtradr for fucking up an awesome thing.

Song o’ the Year

Godthrymm // “Devils” – Distortions possesses a number of songs that could easily fit into the #1 slot for Song o’ the Year.6 But, to me at least, “Devils” best exemplifies what the album’s all about: heavy riffing, somber melodies, enchanting vocals, and a slight tinge, no matter how small it might be, of hope. Also, the first half just kicks so much ass.

It’s been a wild, wild ride. Y’all be good.

#2023 #AaronLewis #AnaalNathrakh #Arboricidio #Bandcamp #Burzum #Darkher #DecibelMagazine #EpicGames #EyeOfSolitude #FallOfEfrafa #FiresInTheDistance #Godthrymm #GrymmSTopTenIshOf2023 #JudasPriest #KKDowning #Karras #KillingJoke #LinguaIgnota #Lists #Listurnalia #MetalInjection #MetalManiacsMagazine #Morrow #Pallbearer #ReverendKristinMichaelHayter #Saturnus #ShoresOfNull #SleepToken #Songtradr #SulphurAeon #Thantifaxath #Vainaja #Voivod #Wayfarer #Wormhole #Wreathe

Grymm’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Grymm

2013: A wild Abbathian kitty appears, hellbent and determined to expose the world to bad jokes, hilarious perspectives, and most importantly, absolutely astonishingly great metal and metal-adjacent bands and performing artists. With his trusty minions by his side, this Blashyrkh-born-and-raised feline sets off into the realms of Angry Metal Guy with only one goal in mind: to spread the gospel of incredible music to the ears of those willing to listen. Hungry and passionate, and inspired by the likes of influential writers from the olden days of Metal Maniacs Magazine and Terrorizer, as well as trailblazers in the online world such as Metal Review/Last Rites, this cat marches forth, prepared for battle and the spoils of war to last for generations to come.

2023: A warehouse supervisor from Northeastern Florida, who’s squeezing what little free time he has in-between long work weeks with even longer hours, stares wearily and angrily at a blank WordPress screen. His eyes glaze over, knowing what he has to say but not how to go about it without constantly hitting that backspace key in a combined fit of worry and hesitation. Exhausted from work, and beaten down and heartbroken by what life has thrown his way over the last five years, this gentleman sits at his keyboard, glowing a soft blue like his favorite protagonist from his all-time favorite RPG,1 and prepares to type up a list of this year’s music that barely got him by, while also trying to come up with words to say about how he got here, how he’s really feeling, and everything surrounding those things without angering or disappointing others, knowing full well that it will be a fruitless endeavor because, as we all know, someone will pitch a bitchfit in the comments section. And with that, he sets forth on what is most likely the final thing he’ll write, at least for a good, long while.

These two wildly different characters are, as you can probably guess, the very same person. When I came onboard with Angry Metal Guy over a decade ago, the very idea of reviewing classic and new bands in my absolute favorite genre in the world, a genre that saved my pimply, awkward, teenage ass on many occasions, I jumped at the opportunity without hesitation. I wanted to inspire other metalheads like Alicia Morgan, Ula Gehret, Jeff Wagner, Mike Greenblatt, Greg Moffitt, S. Craig Zahler, Jordan Campbell, Dan Obstkrieg, and the late Katherine Ludwig did for me to hunt for, and write about, great metal music. In my eyes, Angry Metal Guy, not Decibel, was the closest in spirit to the late, great Metal Maniacs, and I wanted in on that. Throughout the last decade, not only did Angry Metal Guy the man take me under his wing, but so did Steel Druhm and Madam X, giving me insight and valuable tips on how to improve and leave my own mark without ever compromising my voice or my views. Also, I met some amazing people here, both readers and writers, that I wouldn’t have otherwise had I not written that review for Vattnet Viskar’s Sky Swallower. Seriously, the writers that are here now are some of the best people I have ever had the pleasure of working with, and they’re all amazing people with good hearts. I will not take their (or your) friendships and teamwork lightly. You’re all a second family to me, one I will cherish always, and I love you all. This is, more often than not, a thankless endeavor where you’re oftentimes been put through the wringer unjustly, so dealing with it at all to continue promoting bands should be commended.

So… what happened? To try to keep it brief as humanly possible, life happened. In 2018, I lost my older brother to a combination of personal neglect caused by depression, combined with a bacterial infection that lead to sepsis and a fatal heart attack. 2019, instead of taking time to grieve, I dove into work and writing. Quickly realizing that it was a mistake in doing so, I promised myself to not do that going forward. From 2020 through 2022, I would not be able to fulfill that promise, as my work exploded due to the pandemic, working myself past exhaustion to the point where I almost died from bacterial pneumonia in the tail end of 2021. This year alone, between losing one of my all-time favorite cats ever to cancer at an alarmingly young age, and having my partner lose his mom not even a full week later, and dealing with an estate that could have very well left us homeless, all combined to do a number on my physical and mental well-being to the point where my (now former) doctor was concerned due to the fact many of my newly-acquired symptoms I was experiencing this year mirrored those of colorectal cancer. Thankfully, it was all “just” the wonderful side effects of extreme burnout and being stressed the fuck out, but it made me realize that writing, and responding to people who are mad that I (checks notes) enjoyed things, needed to take a back seat in a big way.

But two other things set the decision in motion. One is the sorry state of metal sites and magazines, and how they go about covering things. I don’t believe in non-stop hype of mid-to-terrible bands,2 nor do I believe extraneously overwrought word salad to the point of sheer nonsense is the way to go,3 but at least they cover new bands that most would probably never have heard of otherwise. Your Shores of Nulls, your Darkhers, your Vainajas and the like. Sites like Metal Injection, on the other hand, can’t be fucked to do that, since it’s obviously more important to cover everyone’s favorite born-again chucklefuck and how he felt about trying to unalive his ex-wife via hitman/undercover cop, or Greg Kennelty shaming others because his favorite cilantro of the month is now popular. Ever since Albert Mudrian and Decibel decided it would be a splendid idea to not only give Burzum a fucking cover, but also a goddamn Decibel Hall of Fame induction in 2011, giving absolute pieces of shit a voice, or bands who already have a gross overabundance of coverage, is not only welcome, but seemingly encouraged at the expense of those who are battling to just be seen and heard. I don’t care about Sleep Token. I sure as shit don’t give an eighth of a fuck what Tim Lambesis’ shoulder routine is. That said, these days I’m just tickled pink that Kennelty has stopped rewriting negative reviews into way more positive ones, at least for the time being.

But most egregiously, there was something else that happened in the tail end of 2021 that ultimately sealed the deal, and it involved my second coming-out piece, and a certain Top Ten(ish) entry made in response to that (which got its own response). I’m not going into more detail about it out of respect to my fellow writers who also put in the hard work to move on from it, as everyone who’s been reading the site for a long time knows. All I can say is that, even with my best efforts to move on, it did a number on my creativity, humor, and most painfully my desire to write to the point where I feel like I’m merely going through the motions since it happened.

Which, to be frank, isn’t fair to me, it isn’t fair to anyone here writing for this great site, and it sure as shit isn’t fair to you. This year’s top ten is going to be the last thing I write here, at least for a long time, until I can find the passion, the hunger, and the drive to write again about the music I still love, even if portions of it want me gone, peacefully or not. I will continue to support my favorite bands. I will continue reading and chiming in to Angry Metal Guy. I will continue to quietly fight for those whose voices need to be heard. I’ll just be supporting from the sidelines from this point forward. If I find that passion again, things could be different. For now, though, the site needs people who are far hungrier than I am, and I need time to break away and rediscover my smile again.

I guess what I want to say is… thank you all, writers and readers, for the memories, the friendships, the great music, and the ability to give a worn-out warehouse supervisor a voice and an attempt at a teenage dream. Ten years is a long, long time, and I love you all for putting up with me for that long. In departing, I’ll quote Anaal Nathrakh’s anthem, “Endarkenment”:

“Take what small comfort there may be left;
seize what you love, and damn all the rest.”

Onward, now and forever…

#ish. Wormhole // Almost Human – Anything even remotely coming close to the wheelhouse of Voivod will get a near-Pavlovian response from me, and Wormhole’s skronky, atonal, and relentlessly heavy take on our favorite Québécois is undeniable. To quote our favorite resident sponge, “WOOOOOOOOORMHOOOOOOOOOLE!!!”

#10. Saturnus // The Storm Within – Denmark’s Saturnus is quickly joining up with the Peaceville Three in terms of being a doom/death institution, and their fifth album showcases just why that is. With crushing riffs, soaring leads by Indee Rehal-Sagoo (ex-Eye of Solitude), The Storm Within is a deadly catch, indeed.

#9. Sulphur Aeon // Seven Crowns and Seven Seals – Germanic blackened death metal prodigies Sulphur Aeon finally returned after a five-year absence with the remarkable Seven Crowns and Seven Seals, an album that many claim to be not as strong as their three prior releases… which is an awful lot like saying comparing a championship win against another from the same sports team in subsequent seasons. It’s still a winner, and head and shoulders above their contemporaries.

#8. Thantifaxath // Hive Mind Narcosis – This anonymous Canadian trio continues to impress and terrify, with atonal riffs, barely-together rhythms, and the foreboding sense of everything feeling like it’s caving in and collapsing all at once add up to one of 2023’s most chaotic and frightening albums. If you enjoy excessive headfuckery, this is your ticket.

#7. Karras // We Poison Their Young – There needs to be more albums that just get to the point without any fat or bullshit getting in the way, and France’s Karras say more in 21 minutes than most band with three, even four, times as much length. Get in, fuck shit up, move the fuck on. More, please.

#6. Wreathe // The Land Is Not An Idle God – I miss Fall of Efrafa. I also love Morrow. Chances are, you do, too. Wreathe features key members of both bands, as well as Arboricidio, and it throws down just as hard and passionately as all three aforementioned bands. If you love emokrust, you are either onto this, or discovering it right the fuck now. You’re welcome!

#5. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant For Us – If you told me years ago that some of the best melodic doom/death would be from Connecticut, I would have laughed in your face to the point of an asthma attack. Yet, Fires in the Distance took what makes Insomnium and Omnium Gatherum4 and added their own unique embellishments to create a truly captivating album in Air Not Meant For Us. I await further installments.

#4. Reverend Kristin Michael Hayter // Saved! – Healing isn’t easy, joyous, or pretty. It can be downright ugly and uncomfortable. So when the former Lingua Ignota decided to bury that moniker and go by her birth name, nobody knew what to expect except that it would be brutally honest and at times discomforting, and Saved!, with its sound akin to a field recording of an Appalachian fundamentalist cult, definitely nails both while not only being painful to experience, but in an odd way, provides a beautiful, if disturbing, painting of the healing process.

#3. Wayfarer // American Gothic – Black metal should not go well with the Old West. Denver, Colorado’s Wayfarer flew against this very notion, and crafted not only their best album to date, but also an absorbing, engrossing classic that begs to be absorbed in full with your complete, utmost attention. Never has black metal felt or sounded so goddamn warm, like a freshly-killed outlaw baking in the hot Tucson sun.

#2. Shores of Null // The Loss of Beauty – One of the things I loved most about writing here is watching new bands make their ascent, and on The Loss of Beauty, Italian doom lords Shores of Null are soaring now. With their captivating riff work, melancholic melodies, and Davide Straccione’s incredible vocals, The Loss of Beauty is the sound of a still-young band bringing their A-game to the fore.

#1. Godthrymm // Distortions – Reflections, the 2020 debut from Godthrymm, just barely missed the top spot that year, but still showed off how strong of a debut it was. Distortions improved what Reflections laid down, with meaty riffs, soaring leads, a fantastic rhythm section, and keyboardist Catherine Glencross’ angelic voice providing a complimentary accompaniment to her husband Hamish’s improved5 vocal delivery. This classic-doom-meets-classic-Pallbearer configuration landed my top spot as soon as I finished listening to it for the first time, and again, and again, and…

Biggest Disappointments o’ 2023

• The Passing of Kevin “Geordie” Walker – As a fledgling metalhead dipping his toes in the underground, one of the videos that helped nudge me into the direction of the more heavier, deeper waters was “Millennium,” the first single off of Pandemonium, the comeback album by legendary post-punk/industrial pioneers Killing Joke. So taken back by how vital, energetic, and direct it sounded, I bought Pandemonium, and was instantly blown away by how multi-faceted and talented guitarist Kevin “Geordie” Walker was. Slowly but surely, I would pull from different eras of Killing Joke’s discography, including both self-titleds, and besides Jaz Coleman’s frantic end-of-days proselytizing and gravel-coated voice, it was Walker’s hypnotically inventive guitar licks and powerful riffs that would become the soundtrack for many a workout session. Hearing of his passing in November was like losing a favorite uncle, and I know my listening habits would have changed drastically had I not been exposed to Walker or Killing Joke. Honour the fire forever, good chap.
• Aaron Lewis – Before I begin, this isn’t against hunting. If you’re at all carnivorous (like me), it’s a necessity in order to… y’know, live. But when everyone’s favorite whiner who bemoans how much of a bunch of snowflakes my generation and younger are while gleefully supplying the soundtrack of such snowflakery decides to use the bodies of 32 dead coyotes to promote his favorite businessman-turned-former President, you go from “nu-metal has-been” to “absolute piece of shit” in record time. And seeing as how nu-metal’s got no shortage of pieces of shit, that’s saying something. Speaking of pieces of shit…
• K.K. Downing – …dude, just fucking stop. Just. STOP. When I quit my last job acrimoniously, I didn’t try to win my job back while simultaneously taking a steaming shit on the owners. I left and never looked back. K.K., on the other hand, is special. I don’t know the full details, and I don’t want to know the full details, due to K.K. deciding to act like a crybaby and a perpetual victim, instead of behaving like he was one-half of Judas Priest’s highly influential guitar duo at one point. They even reached out to play the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with the current line-up, to try to mend fences, and he still bitched up a storm. Be happy that you’ve got Judas Priest at Home your namesake Dollar Tree rip-off band now.
• The Sale and Butchering of Bandcamp – If you’ve known us for any length of time, you can probably guess that we all love Bandcamp around these parts. Easily the most artist-friendly music service out there, Bandcamp gave upcoming bands and labels, especially those who could use the reach, a voice and a chance, and even more so during Bandcamp Fridays, where the site’s fees were waived for all purchases. So of course Epic Games would buy it in March of last year, and then sell it to Songtradr, who would go on to lay off half of Bandcamp’s staff, including all those who were trying to unionize in order to protect their jobs. Was Bandcamp perfect? No, but I guarantee you most of your favorite new bands would have suffered if Bandcamp didn’t exist. To call this “heartbreaking” and “callous” would be a gross understatement. My heart goes out to those affected by the layoffs, and a giant, massive fuck you to Epic Games and Songtradr for fucking up an awesome thing.

Song o’ the Year

Godthrymm // “Devils” – Distortions possesses a number of songs that could easily fit into the #1 slot for Song o’ the Year.6 But, to me at least, “Devils” best exemplifies what the album’s all about: heavy riffing, somber melodies, enchanting vocals, and a slight tinge, no matter how small it might be, of hope. Also, the first half just kicks so much ass.

It’s been a wild, wild ride. Y’all be good.

#2023 #AaronLewis #AnaalNathrakh #Arboricidio #Bandcamp #Burzum #Darkher #DecibelMagazine #EpicGames #EyeOfSolitude #FallOfEfrafa #FiresInTheDistance #Godthrymm #GrymmSTopTenIshOf2023 #JudasPriest #KKDowning #Karras #KillingJoke #LinguaIgnota #Lists #Listurnalia #MetalInjection #MetalManiacsMagazine #Morrow #Pallbearer #ReverendKristinMichaelHayter #Saturnus #ShoresOfNull #SleepToken #Songtradr #SulphurAeon #Thantifaxath #Vainaja #Voivod #Wayfarer #Wormhole #Wreathe

Carcharodon’s and Cherd’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Carcharodon

Carcharodon

I’ve been tetchy in 2023. Little things I’d normally barely even notice—about people, records, life in general, Mrs Carcharodon‘s recent insistence that we buy an air fryer—have really irked me. I’m (just about) self-aware enough that I clocked this, only to get more irked when I couldn’t put my finger on why. Yes, I turned 40, so am officially Olde and probably have to start listening to Saxon soon but that doesn’t fully explain it. It’s been a pretty good year in the main. I’m in a new job I like, Shark Pup No 1 has adjusted well to starting school and Shark Pup No 2 continues to get larger(!). We’ve had some good holidays, both as a family and, as a 40th treat to myself, a great trip to Islay, where very large quantities of smoky scotch1 were consumed with three very good friends. So why was I so tetchy? Maybe I was just tired?

As the year drew to a close, however, I realized I wasn’t just tired, I was weary. There’s a difference and it’s an important one. While I’m very lucky in many ways, there’s also a lot going on in my life, lots of spinning plates, and I don’t really take any time for myself. That was a bit of a realization. I’ve never been much for self-care or introspection; if I’m quiet, it doesn’t mean that I’m having deep thoughts, I’ve simply powered down for a bit. So, my resolution for 2024 is to find a little time to do a bit more for myself. I want to up my exercise game. I want to start reading more again. In short, I need to make time to do things I want to do, not just things I need to do. Needy, hey?

Apparently, I also needed a new list mate, after my emotional support sponge of several years ascended to a new name and (deservedly) to a new list status. Farewell Kenstrosity, I’ll miss you but maybe the real List mates are the ones we made along the way. In general, the USS AMG has charted a steady course through choppy waters in 2023, with Steel Druhm a steady, if stern, presence at the helm, while the editors dealt out the daily lashes and suspiciously cloudy grog. Thanks to them for all their efforts (only sometimes literally) whipping us into shape, and to all my fellow writers. You are all, to quote everyone’s favorite A.N.Gry Doc, idiots and I love less than half of you, half as well as you deserve but you are still better than many alternatives (like the Commentariat, who are awful(ly loveable)).

And with that, I have indulged myself enough. So, without further ado, here is the List of the writers who last year won the First Annual Killjoy Kudos for Best Taste Award (although, strangely, the statuette to which I assume I am entitled, has thus far failed to materialize…).

#ish. Omnivortex // Circulate – Tech death—indeed, death metal in general—isn’t really my thing, and the adulation heaped on Omnivortex’s 2020 effort, Diagrams of Consciousness, caused only bemusement for me. However, Circulate is a different beast. It’s interesting that my (now former *sob*) listmate Kenstrosity awarded Diagrams… his #1 spot in 2020 but, in his review of this year’s effort, said that it took Circulate a while to click for him, with the consistency of songwriting more pronounced here, over its predecessor’s spiky highlights. Perhaps that says something about the difference between what my erstwhile partner and I respectively look for in records. Perhaps it doesn’t. Either way, Omnivortex bullied and beasted their way onto this List because there was no force to stop them.

#10. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – Warcrab’s Damned in Endless Night made it to #6 on my first-ever List here at AMG, way back in 2019. Looking back now, it probably should have been higher. It’s been a long wait for The Howling Silence but it didn’t disappoint. Operating at that sweet intersection between doom and sludge, the UK veterans sound as filthy and pummelling as ever and, as Cherd pointed out, are now allowing elements of OSDM to bleed into their rumbling assault. The combination makes them as brvtal as they’ve always been but brings a sense of freshness and revitalized energy to Warcrab that I didn’t expect but loved to see.

#9. Leiþa // Reue – I had a sneaking suspicion that I underrated the second record from Leiþa, when I reviewed it back in January. This was confirmed when AMG awarded it ROTM in extremely timely fashion, on February 1st, declaring it to be a “masterful platter of great—potentially even excellent—black metal.” And so it has proved. It’s an album I’ve returned to over and over as the year went on. It’s hard to overstate the sheer raw, dark emotion that Reue’s creator Noise channeled into this record. For all that, the great songwriting brings a surprising amount of melody, although this only serves to heighten the sense of loss, remorse, and bitter self-loathing that drenches this (potentially) excellent album. It’s a devastating album.

#8. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – It’s hard to put into words exactly what makes Vanishing Kids’ brand of progressive doom so damn good. Sure, Jason Hartman is a fucking great guitarist but he’s not completely alone in that. Nikki Drohomyreky’s vocals are hauntingly beautiful but again, other vocalists can achieve that. In his review of Miracle of Death, Steel highlighted the “graceful, ethereal, and dreamy atmosphere” conjured by the band from the opener “Spill the Dark” (also my undisputed song of the year) and that’s probably about as close as we’ll get to the pinning it down. The fact is that Vanishing Kids have that very rare something, that je ne sais quoi. Combining trad doom, psychedelia, 70s occult rock, and more, to create something truly unique requires genuine craft and these guys have it in spades.

#7. The Circle // Of Awakening – I only went back to The Circle to be sure I could cross it off my List’s longlist. After all, it only got a 3.5 from Dear Hollow, whose taste overlaps with mine to a fair degree. That was about six weeks ago and I’m here to tell you DH underrated it. Of Awakening has been in heavy rotation ever since. Drawing together the likes of Ahab, Dark Funeral, and My Dying Bride, this is a crushingly dark album, that, despite its beautifully trim runtime, has a real sense of grandeur and majesty about it. Contrary to DH‘s thoughts, for me, Of Awakening is so tightly written that The Circle can get away with being as pummelling as they want but there’s also a lot more nuance and refinement here than one might hear on the first spin. Trust me. I’ve spun this a lot.

#6. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – There’s a sweet spot in the year for dropping records. Too early and they may be forgotten; too late and people may not have enough time with them. November 24th definitely falls into the latter camp. With more time, No Dawn for the Caliginous Night could probably have laid siege to my top three but I just didn’t get to spend the same amount of time with Convocation’s massive slab of outstanding doom as I did with the other outstanding things you will read about below. Be in no doubt though, Cherd was correct2 to drop a 4.5 on this majestic beast of a record.

#5. Antrisch // EXPEDITION II: Die Passage – Atmoblack comes in for a lot of stick. Some of it is even justified. But, when it’s done right, it’s a thing of beauty and Antrisch undoubtedly does it right. Frigid atmosphere pours out of EXPEDITION II in icy waves but never at the expense of the music, which is killer. Every time I press play, Antrisch drags me away to a tale of terror in the frozen arctic wastes, woven in shades of deepest black. The tremolos cut through me and the rasping vocals cause the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. I feel this record, as much as I hear it and that’s exactly the way atmoblack should be.

#4. Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean // Obsession Destruction – Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean understand claustrophobia. When I listen to Obsession Destruction it feels like the walls are closing in, like the air is getting thick and hard to take in. The record feels like it’s pressing in on you. That is what sludge should do and Chained is drawing on inspiration from doom to heighten that sense. It’s beautiful, anguished, and bludgeoning all at once, and despite passing the hour mark, it’s compelling. I loved this record from the moment I heard it, even as it crushed the life out of me.

#3. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – I don’t usually accuse I have never accused Thus Spoke of underrating anything. Until now. The faintly progressive, doom-tinged melodeath of Air Not Meant for Us is not great. It is excellent. And I almost slept on it. For whatever reason, the first time I span this album, I didn’t even make it to the end and discarded it. But I came back, some months later, and was floored by this record. The deep seams of melody, the excellent use of keys, the soaring guitars, the whole package hit me with a force that only two other records did this year. Whatever was wrong with me the first time around has been scorched away, as Fires in the Distance burn with emotional intensity. The album is beautifully written and paced, which for all its weight and heaviness, also feels fragile and honest, revealing new depths on each revisit.

#2. Wayfarer // American Gothic – Wayfarer’s 2020 effort, A Romance with Violence, was so close. So close to fulfilling the promise of their Wild West black metal. But for all that it did well, as with their earlier two efforts, too many of the tracks went on too long, suffocating under their own weight. As Doom_et_Al said in his review, however, this year’s “American Gothic is the album Wayfarer have been threatening to make for years … Wayfarer take the violence and beauty of the land they inhabit and translate that to music that reflects that dichotomy.” I’m not sure there’s a better way to say it. American Gothic is the album where everything that Wayfarer has struggled to bring together for years finally clicked into place and it’s something truly special.3

#1. Cursebinder // Drifting – Poland’s Cursebinder kinda crept up on me. Since its April release, I have seen little acclaim for it, and my attempts to sell it to my fellow scribes have been met with non-committal murmurs of appreciation. But there is something about Drifting’s progressive black metal, borrowing heavily from both doom and post-metal, that just kept me coming back. Again. And again. There’s a shimmering intensity to the record, driven as much by the bright synth work, as Hubert Fudała’s crushing riffs and Maciej Proficz’ sulphuric vox, which means that I tend to find myself stopping whatever it is that I’m doing and simply staring into the middle distance while Drifting washes over me. It’s not the most technically complex thing on this list, nor is it a record that defies categorization. It’s simply the album that speaks to me in a way nothing else I heard this year did and what more can you look for in an Album of the Year?

Honorable mentions:

• Anti-God Hand // Blight Year – Blight Year took everything I liked about Anti-God Hand’s debut, Wretch, and refined it to a point where it still remained so harsh as to border on raw BM. Yet there is something about this album that I find kind of magical.
• BRIQUEVILLE // IIII – Finding a mid-way point between the melodicism and experimentation of ISIS’ Wavering Radiant and the slightly disconcerting edge of Celestial, BRIQUEVILLE’s excellent use of synths and samples, together with some sawing, jagged riffs is a winner.
• Downfall of Gaia // Silhouettes of Disgust – This is the record where Downfall of Gaia manages to blend most effectively all the disparate facets of their sound. Progressive and melodic, bleak and furious, this is a record to get lost exploring.
• God Disease // Apocalyptic Doom – With Apoclyptic Doom, God Disease delivered exactly that. This was the end of the world, cataclysmic stuff. What more can I say? If you lift and “Leper by the Grave of God” doesn’t help you hit a PB, I advise you to take up chess.
• Lo! // The Gleaners – I carelessly threw The Gleaners into April’s Filter after only a couple of spins, recognizing the quality on show but not having spent much time with it. Lo!’s abrasive sludgy post-metal / hardcore has stayed with me, however, as the sheer anger and intensity, and (surprising amounts of) melody kept me coming back.
• Saturnus // The Storm Within – In an incredibly strong year for doom, Saturnus turned in a great offering that I thought would be top 5 for sure. It didn’t have quite the staying power I thought it would—not least thanks to those sickly sweet spoken word parts—but it remains a great record, with one of the best SOTY in “The Calling.”
• Sworn // A Journey Told through Fire – Great Norwegian melodic black metal, channeling the likes of Vorga and Uada but also Insomnium, this record was just well written, beautifully paced, and fun as fuck.

Songs o’ the Year:

1. Vanishing Kids – “Spill the Dark”
2. Saturnus – “The Calling”
3. Fires in the Distance – “Crumbling Pillars of a Tranquil Mind”
4. Downfall of Gaia – “Bodies as Driftwood”
5. Lo! – “The Gleaners”
6. Inherus – “One More Fire”
7. Cursebinder – “Drifting”
8. Blackbraid – “Twilight Hymn of Ancient Blood”
9. Aetherian – “Starlit Shores”
10. God Disease – “Leper by the Grace of God”
11. Moonlight Sorcery – “Yönsilmä”

Cherd

I’ve heard it said that the older one gets, the faster time seems to pass. That’s why your memories of childhood seem to take place over an interminable timespan, while your children seem to blast through developmental phases and clothing sizes faster than a grindcore song. Take the little goober directly to the left. He was six weeks old when AMG announced their open call for writers that would eventually lead to my tenure here. Now he’s five and a half and draws pictures of angry carrots and ninja-bread men (a subset of gingerbread men). Since gaining the summit of the Middle Ages, I now face the downward slope of life’s back half, with its ever-increasing velocity and promise of an abrupt end. All this to say, I don’t have any wry observations about 2023 because the fucking thing blew by way too fast.

Perhaps the only way to dampen the breakneck pace of life and reclaim one’s sanity is to partake in some nice, slow doom metal. In this respect, the universe was merciful as it gifted us with the finest year for down-tuned, down-tempo misery we’ve had in ages. There are no fewer than seven doom or doom adjacent entries on my list this year and another handful that only just missed the cut. Yearly disclaimer: if you read my list or any of the others, and wonder why you don’t see your pet record, remember that I am but one man with but one kindergartner who robs me of time and life force. I probably didn’t get to it. Or maybe I did and your taste is just terrible. I’d like to thank Steel Druhm for keeping the good ship AMG afloat through a combination of duct tape, bungee cords, and brutal yet dispassionately professional beatings, AMG himself for forgetting that I work here, thus ensuring I won’t be fired, and of course you for reading. With that, here’s my objectively correct list.

(ish) Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean // Obsession Destruction – This wouldn’t be a Cherd list without some sludge doom, and Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean put out one of the finest examples of the genre in 2023. Always a prolific EP band, Obsession Destruction is only their second full length of the last six years, but it sees the band finally shrug off their reputation as a Thou knockoff and come fully into their own. “The Altar” and “The Gates Have Closed and They Will Never Open” have forever entered my rotation of killer sludge doom tracks. The only band to beat them at their game in 2023 was Warcrab, but we’ll get to them in a bit.

#10. Xoth // Exogalactic – No one has more fun with cosmic horrors than Xoth, except maybe those of us who get to smash the play button over and over again on their albums. I got on the “Party Lovecraft” bus four years ago when I first heard Interdimensional Invocations, and while it may have taken a complete remixing of the album at the 11th hour to get there, Exogalactic does not disappoint as a follow-up. Songs like “Reptilian Bloodsport,” “Saga of the Blade,” and “Map to the Stars, Monument to the Ancients” take their rightful place alongside the band’s best work as they continue to hone their winning combination of blackened melo-death and tech-thrash.

#9. Oromet // Oromet – I’m always thrilled when a new band impresses me with their debut record enough to land a hard-fought spot on my yearly top ten. This year it happened twice. The first entry is Oromet’s self-titled LP of expansive, airy funeral doom. The album art of a dramatically jutting rocky peak piercing the firmament while bathed in golds and blues could hardly be a better visual representation of the music. This two-man project of Patrick Hills and Dan Aguilar is an exercise in judiciously balanced light and shadow, weight and buoyancy. There’s as much empty space on this record as there is tectonic heft, with overt beauty and ragged desperation embraced in equal measure.

#8. Big|Brave // Nature Morte – In the grand tradition of quoting myself out of laziness: “The most impressive thing about Nature Morte is its meticulous construction. No matter how sparse it gets, no matter how repetitive the drum strikes or how loose the guitar squalls, there’s no wasted space. None of the three out of six tracks that stretch past nine minutes feel remotely that long thanks to well-placed transitions, hypnotic rhythms, and the commanding presence of (Robin) Wattie’s vocals… Big|Brave delivers a stunning, unique statement on Nature Morte. Without changing the core of the band’s sound, it signals a remarkable refinement of vision a decade into their existence.”

#7. Curta’n Wall // Siege Ubsessed – Abysmal Specter’s MO has always been to knock down the castle gates with his goofy parade of wizards, knights, and witches riding ostriches and walruses while sneaking infectious melodies and riffs in through the kitchen servants’ entrance. This is true of Curta’n Wall, one of his dozen or so projects other than his flagship band Old Nick, but on Siege Ubsessed, the black metal mad scientist stands at his infernal machine, turns the knob marked “raw black metal” down to its lowest setting, and the knobs marked “accordion,” “bagpipes,” “harpsichord,” and “pan flute” to 11. This is jaunty, stupid medieval folk music and an absolutely essential release in Abysmal Specter’s ever-growing oeuvre.

#6. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – Warcrab is the premier death/sludge outfit operating today, and this is their most refined release to date. As I said in my review, “With The Howling Silence, Warcrab both re-instates their sludge doom bonafides and leans into proper OSDM in ways they haven’t before.” It’s quite the trick making not only one of the best death metal songs of the year in “Sword of Mars,” but also the best sludge doom song in “Sourlands Under a Rancid Sky,” but Warcrab pulls it off with aplomb. Even as more bands join this burgeoning style, none approach these Brits in terms of talent or execution.

#5. Agriculture // Agriculture – The second of my two favorite new bands of 2023, Agriculture’s “ecstatic black metal” is unlike anything else I heard this year, and I listen to A LOT of black metal. By turns stark and lush, these Californian’s debut record was forged in the fires of blazing black riff craft and the contemporary post-rock zeitgeist. While that usually means some form of black gaze, this is not remotely the case with Agriculture. There’s nothing laconic or detached here. The almost shocking earnestness may leave some a bit taken aback, but it’s not as if they’re any different in that regard than the countless self-serious black metal musician basement dwellers the world over.

#4. Carnosus // Visions of Infinihility – I’m sure many of my colleagues will fall all over themselves in their respective lists about how much good death metal came out in 2023. I enjoyed my share of it as well, with Dying Fetus, Fossilization, and the mighty Incantation all turning my head, but the only purely death metal record I couldn’t stop spinning was Carnosus’ tech-death barn burner Visions of Infinihility. Tight, vicious, and catchy, this record also features the second-best harsh vocal performance of the year behind only the one found on my number-one record. A lot of vocalists can oscillate between death growls and blackened shrieks, but precious few can give you four different tones in one song while putting affected spins on individual words the way Jonatan Karasiak can.

#3. Somnuri // Desiderium – I’ve been pushing this NYC progressive sludge band like a used car dealer with a quota to meet since they dropped their debut in 2017. They’ve rewarded my faith in them by improving on each subsequent release. From my review: “Somnuri has done exactly what you want to see a promising band do with their third record. Namely, take anything that worked with the first two, amp that up a bit, and commit fully to a new wrinkle to elevate the material. The addition of (Soundgarden-esque) throwback radio alt-rock into their roiling pot of hardcore and progressive sludge makes Desiderium these Brooklynites’ strongest outing to date. It’s rare that an album this aggressive and energetic goes down this smooth.”

#2. Hellish Form // Deathless – This record is special. In any other year, it probably would have been my number one. As I said in April, “Considering it embodies three of the most miserable subgenres in all of metal (funeral doom, sludge, and drone), the remarkable thing about Deathless is how powerfully hopeful it is. The themes of the album are pointedly heavy and political. It’s an admonition of an oppressive world delivered with withering vitriol by the aggrieved, but both musically and lyrically, (Willow) Ryan and (Jacob) Lee steadily fix their gaze upward.” I doubt there are any more affecting lines in metal this year than Ryan’s delivery in the title track of “You can take my life, but I am deathless. I am deathless.”

#1. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – What else can I say about the first 4.5 I’ve ever awarded on this site? “By the time you reach the halfway point in opening track “Graveless yet Dead,” you’ve heard swirling organs, ominous violins, harmonized choirs, riffs that measure their gravity on the scale of celestial bodies, and (Marko) Neuman’s enormous death roar. The whole thing keeps escalating like a light growing in intensity until, nearly blinding, a biblically accurate angel emerges with its six wings and concentric wheels full of eyes and multiple heads and burnished bronze appendages and it bellows in an inhuman voice, “B̴̧̈E̴͝ͅ ̸̫̈Ń̷̦Ò̸̭T̸̜̈́ ̸̟̄A̷͈͌F̵̯̊R̴̳̽Ā̷͇I̸̜͊D̶͈͛.”…With No Dawn for the Caliginous Night, LL and Neuman have completed their transformation from practitioners of impressive if well-trod death doom to a unique voice in the ranks of funerophiles. This is a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels.”

Honorable Mentions

• Gridlink // Coronet Juniper – Acidic but deceptively smooth grindcore from one of the best bands in the genre over the last decade plus.
• Stortregn // Finitude – Just because I was slightly disappointed in the direction these Swiss boys are going after releasing my favorite record of 2021 doesn’t mean this isn’t one of my fifteen favorite records of 2023. They may be moving more and more tech, but they’re still Stortregn and they still slay.
• AGLO // Build Fear – STAR TREK THEMED DEATH DOOM SLUDGE ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? COULD ANYTHING POSSIBLY BE MORE CHERD!?
• Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – I liked Heavy Dreamer a fair amount, but by leaning harder into classic doom, Miracle of Death rose to list-worthy. “Spill The Dark” is one of the very best songs of any genre this year.
• Bell Witch // Future’s Shadow Part 1: The Clandestine Gate – I’m reserving some judgment for when all three parts are revealed, but this single 83-minute track is plenty compelling on its own.

Songs o’ the Year

In alphabetical order by band:

#2023 #Aetherian #AGLO #Agriculture #AntiGodHand #Antrisch #BigBrave #Blackbraid #BlogPost #Briqueville #Carcharodon #CarcharodonSTopTenIshOf2023 #CarcharodonSAndCherdSTopTenIshOf2023 #Carnosus #ChainedToTheBottomOfTheOcean #Convocation #Cursebinder #CurtaNWall #DownfallOfGaia #FiresInTheDistance #GodDisease #Gridlink #HellishForm #Inherus #Leitha #Listurnalia #Lo_ #MoonlightSorcery #Omnivortex #Oromet #Saturnus #Somnuri #Stortregn #Sworn #TheCircle #VanishingKids #Warcrab #Wayfarer #Xoth

Carcharodon’s and Cherd’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Carcharodon

Carcharodon

I’ve been tetchy in 2023. Little things I’d normally barely even notice—about people, records, life in general, Mrs Carcharodon‘s recent insistence that we buy an air fryer—have really irked me. I’m (just about) self-aware enough that I clocked this, only to get more irked when I couldn’t put my finger on why. Yes, I turned 40, so am officially Olde and probably have to start listening to Saxon soon but that doesn’t fully explain it. It’s been a pretty good year in the main. I’m in a new job I like, Shark Pup No 1 has adjusted well to starting school and Shark Pup No 2 continues to get larger(!). We’ve had some good holidays, both as a family and, as a 40th treat to myself, a great trip to Islay, where very large quantities of smoky scotch1 were consumed with three very good friends. So why was I so tetchy? Maybe I was just tired?

As the year drew to a close, however, I realized I wasn’t just tired, I was weary. There’s a difference and it’s an important one. While I’m very lucky in many ways, there’s also a lot going on in my life, lots of spinning plates, and I don’t really take any time for myself. That was a bit of a realization. I’ve never been much for self-care or introspection; if I’m quiet, it doesn’t mean that I’m having deep thoughts, I’ve simply powered down for a bit. So, my resolution for 2024 is to find a little time to do a bit more for myself. I want to up my exercise game. I want to start reading more again. In short, I need to make time to do things I want to do, not just things I need to do. Needy, hey?

Apparently, I also needed a new list mate, after my emotional support sponge of several years ascended to a new name and (deservedly) to a new list status. Farewell Kenstrosity, I’ll miss you but maybe the real List mates are the ones we made along the way. In general, the USS AMG has charted a steady course through choppy waters in 2023, with Steel Druhm a steady, if stern, presence at the helm, while the editors dealt out the daily lashes and suspiciously cloudy grog. Thanks to them for all their efforts (only sometimes literally) whipping us into shape, and to all my fellow writers. You are all, to quote everyone’s favorite A.N.Gry Doc, idiots and I love less than half of you, half as well as you deserve but you are still better than many alternatives (like the Commentariat, who are awful(ly loveable)).

And with that, I have indulged myself enough. So, without further ado, here is the List of the writers who last year won the First Annual Killjoy Kudos for Best Taste Award (although, strangely, the statuette to which I assume I am entitled, has thus far failed to materialize…).

#ish. Omnivortex // Circulate – Tech death—indeed, death metal in general—isn’t really my thing, and the adulation heaped on Omnivortex’s 2020 effort, Diagrams of Consciousness, caused only bemusement for me. However, Circulate is a different beast. It’s interesting that my (now former *sob*) listmate Kenstrosity awarded Diagrams… his #1 spot in 2020 but, in his review of this year’s effort, said that it took Circulate a while to click for him, with the consistency of songwriting more pronounced here, over its predecessor’s spiky highlights. Perhaps that says something about the difference between what my erstwhile partner and I respectively look for in records. Perhaps it doesn’t. Either way, Omnivortex bullied and beasted their way onto this List because there was no force to stop them.

#10. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – Warcrab’s Damned in Endless Night made it to #6 on my first-ever List here at AMG, way back in 2019. Looking back now, it probably should have been higher. It’s been a long wait for The Howling Silence but it didn’t disappoint. Operating at that sweet intersection between doom and sludge, the UK veterans sound as filthy and pummelling as ever and, as Cherd pointed out, are now allowing elements of OSDM to bleed into their rumbling assault. The combination makes them as brvtal as they’ve always been but brings a sense of freshness and revitalized energy to Warcrab that I didn’t expect but loved to see.

#9. Leiþa // Reue – I had a sneaking suspicion that I underrated the second record from Leiþa, when I reviewed it back in January. This was confirmed when AMG awarded it ROTM in extremely timely fashion, on February 1st, declaring it to be a “masterful platter of great—potentially even excellent—black metal.” And so it has proved. It’s an album I’ve returned to over and over as the year went on. It’s hard to overstate the sheer raw, dark emotion that Reue’s creator Noise channeled into this record. For all that, the great songwriting brings a surprising amount of melody, although this only serves to heighten the sense of loss, remorse, and bitter self-loathing that drenches this (potentially) excellent album. It’s a devastating album.

#8. Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – It’s hard to put into words exactly what makes Vanishing Kids’ brand of progressive doom so damn good. Sure, Jason Hartman is a fucking great guitarist but he’s not completely alone in that. Nikki Drohomyreky’s vocals are hauntingly beautiful but again, other vocalists can achieve that. In his review of Miracle of Death, Steel highlighted the “graceful, ethereal, and dreamy atmosphere” conjured by the band from the opener “Spill the Dark” (also my undisputed song of the year) and that’s probably about as close as we’ll get to the pinning it down. The fact is that Vanishing Kids have that very rare something, that je ne sais quoi. Combining trad doom, psychedelia, 70s occult rock, and more, to create something truly unique requires genuine craft and these guys have it in spades.

#7. The Circle // Of Awakening – I only went back to The Circle to be sure I could cross it off my List’s longlist. After all, it only got a 3.5 from Dear Hollow, whose taste overlaps with mine to a fair degree. That was about six weeks ago and I’m here to tell you DH underrated it. Of Awakening has been in heavy rotation ever since. Drawing together the likes of Ahab, Dark Funeral, and My Dying Bride, this is a crushingly dark album, that, despite its beautifully trim runtime, has a real sense of grandeur and majesty about it. Contrary to DH‘s thoughts, for me, Of Awakening is so tightly written that The Circle can get away with being as pummelling as they want but there’s also a lot more nuance and refinement here than one might hear on the first spin. Trust me. I’ve spun this a lot.

#6. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – There’s a sweet spot in the year for dropping records. Too early and they may be forgotten; too late and people may not have enough time with them. November 24th definitely falls into the latter camp. With more time, No Dawn for the Caliginous Night could probably have laid siege to my top three but I just didn’t get to spend the same amount of time with Convocation’s massive slab of outstanding doom as I did with the other outstanding things you will read about below. Be in no doubt though, Cherd was correct2 to drop a 4.5 on this majestic beast of a record.

#5. Antrisch // EXPEDITION II: Die Passage – Atmoblack comes in for a lot of stick. Some of it is even justified. But, when it’s done right, it’s a thing of beauty and Antrisch undoubtedly does it right. Frigid atmosphere pours out of EXPEDITION II in icy waves but never at the expense of the music, which is killer. Every time I press play, Antrisch drags me away to a tale of terror in the frozen arctic wastes, woven in shades of deepest black. The tremolos cut through me and the rasping vocals cause the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. I feel this record, as much as I hear it and that’s exactly the way atmoblack should be.

#4. Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean // Obsession Destruction – Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean understand claustrophobia. When I listen to Obsession Destruction it feels like the walls are closing in, like the air is getting thick and hard to take in. The record feels like it’s pressing in on you. That is what sludge should do and Chained is drawing on inspiration from doom to heighten that sense. It’s beautiful, anguished, and bludgeoning all at once, and despite passing the hour mark, it’s compelling. I loved this record from the moment I heard it, even as it crushed the life out of me.

#3. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – I don’t usually accuse I have never accused Thus Spoke of underrating anything. Until now. The faintly progressive, doom-tinged melodeath of Air Not Meant for Us is not great. It is excellent. And I almost slept on it. For whatever reason, the first time I span this album, I didn’t even make it to the end and discarded it. But I came back, some months later, and was floored by this record. The deep seams of melody, the excellent use of keys, the soaring guitars, the whole package hit me with a force that only two other records did this year. Whatever was wrong with me the first time around has been scorched away, as Fires in the Distance burn with emotional intensity. The album is beautifully written and paced, which for all its weight and heaviness, also feels fragile and honest, revealing new depths on each revisit.

#2. Wayfarer // American Gothic – Wayfarer’s 2020 effort, A Romance with Violence, was so close. So close to fulfilling the promise of their Wild West black metal. But for all that it did well, as with their earlier two efforts, too many of the tracks went on too long, suffocating under their own weight. As Doom_et_Al said in his review, however, this year’s “American Gothic is the album Wayfarer have been threatening to make for years … Wayfarer take the violence and beauty of the land they inhabit and translate that to music that reflects that dichotomy.” I’m not sure there’s a better way to say it. American Gothic is the album where everything that Wayfarer has struggled to bring together for years finally clicked into place and it’s something truly special.3

#1. Cursebinder // Drifting – Poland’s Cursebinder kinda crept up on me. Since its April release, I have seen little acclaim for it, and my attempts to sell it to my fellow scribes have been met with non-committal murmurs of appreciation. But there is something about Drifting’s progressive black metal, borrowing heavily from both doom and post-metal, that just kept me coming back. Again. And again. There’s a shimmering intensity to the record, driven as much by the bright synth work, as Hubert Fudała’s crushing riffs and Maciej Proficz’ sulphuric vox, which means that I tend to find myself stopping whatever it is that I’m doing and simply staring into the middle distance while Drifting washes over me. It’s not the most technically complex thing on this list, nor is it a record that defies categorization. It’s simply the album that speaks to me in a way nothing else I heard this year did and what more can you look for in an Album of the Year?

Honorable mentions:

• Anti-God Hand // Blight Year – Blight Year took everything I liked about Anti-God Hand’s debut, Wretch, and refined it to a point where it still remained so harsh as to border on raw BM. Yet there is something about this album that I find kind of magical.
• BRIQUEVILLE // IIII – Finding a mid-way point between the melodicism and experimentation of ISIS’ Wavering Radiant and the slightly disconcerting edge of Celestial, BRIQUEVILLE’s excellent use of synths and samples, together with some sawing, jagged riffs is a winner.
• Downfall of Gaia // Silhouettes of Disgust – This is the record where Downfall of Gaia manages to blend most effectively all the disparate facets of their sound. Progressive and melodic, bleak and furious, this is a record to get lost exploring.
• God Disease // Apocalyptic Doom – With Apoclyptic Doom, God Disease delivered exactly that. This was the end of the world, cataclysmic stuff. What more can I say? If you lift and “Leper by the Grave of God” doesn’t help you hit a PB, I advise you to take up chess.
• Lo! // The Gleaners – I carelessly threw The Gleaners into April’s Filter after only a couple of spins, recognizing the quality on show but not having spent much time with it. Lo!’s abrasive sludgy post-metal / hardcore has stayed with me, however, as the sheer anger and intensity, and (surprising amounts of) melody kept me coming back.
• Saturnus // The Storm Within – In an incredibly strong year for doom, Saturnus turned in a great offering that I thought would be top 5 for sure. It didn’t have quite the staying power I thought it would—not least thanks to those sickly sweet spoken word parts—but it remains a great record, with one of the best SOTY in “The Calling.”
• Sworn // A Journey Told through Fire – Great Norwegian melodic black metal, channeling the likes of Vorga and Uada but also Insomnium, this record was just well written, beautifully paced, and fun as fuck.

Songs o’ the Year:

1. Vanishing Kids – “Spill the Dark”
2. Saturnus – “The Calling”
3. Fires in the Distance – “Crumbling Pillars of a Tranquil Mind”
4. Downfall of Gaia – “Bodies as Driftwood”
5. Lo! – “The Gleaners”
6. Inherus – “One More Fire”
7. Cursebinder – “Drifting”
8. Blackbraid – “Twilight Hymn of Ancient Blood”
9. Aetherian – “Starlit Shores”
10. God Disease – “Leper by the Grace of God”
11. Moonlight Sorcery – “Yönsilmä”

Cherd

I’ve heard it said that the older one gets, the faster time seems to pass. That’s why your memories of childhood seem to take place over an interminable timespan, while your children seem to blast through developmental phases and clothing sizes faster than a grindcore song. Take the little goober directly to the left. He was six weeks old when AMG announced their open call for writers that would eventually lead to my tenure here. Now he’s five and a half and draws pictures of angry carrots and ninja-bread men (a subset of gingerbread men). Since gaining the summit of the Middle Ages, I now face the downward slope of life’s back half, with its ever-increasing velocity and promise of an abrupt end. All this to say, I don’t have any wry observations about 2023 because the fucking thing blew by way too fast.

Perhaps the only way to dampen the breakneck pace of life and reclaim one’s sanity is to partake in some nice, slow doom metal. In this respect, the universe was merciful as it gifted us with the finest year for down-tuned, down-tempo misery we’ve had in ages. There are no fewer than seven doom or doom adjacent entries on my list this year and another handful that only just missed the cut. Yearly disclaimer: if you read my list or any of the others, and wonder why you don’t see your pet record, remember that I am but one man with but one kindergartner who robs me of time and life force. I probably didn’t get to it. Or maybe I did and your taste is just terrible. I’d like to thank Steel Druhm for keeping the good ship AMG afloat through a combination of duct tape, bungee cords, and brutal yet dispassionately professional beatings, AMG himself for forgetting that I work here, thus ensuring I won’t be fired, and of course you for reading. With that, here’s my objectively correct list.

(ish) Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean // Obsession Destruction – This wouldn’t be a Cherd list without some sludge doom, and Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean put out one of the finest examples of the genre in 2023. Always a prolific EP band, Obsession Destruction is only their second full length of the last six years, but it sees the band finally shrug off their reputation as a Thou knockoff and come fully into their own. “The Altar” and “The Gates Have Closed and They Will Never Open” have forever entered my rotation of killer sludge doom tracks. The only band to beat them at their game in 2023 was Warcrab, but we’ll get to them in a bit.

#10. Xoth // Exogalactic – No one has more fun with cosmic horrors than Xoth, except maybe those of us who get to smash the play button over and over again on their albums. I got on the “Party Lovecraft” bus four years ago when I first heard Interdimensional Invocations, and while it may have taken a complete remixing of the album at the 11th hour to get there, Exogalactic does not disappoint as a follow-up. Songs like “Reptilian Bloodsport,” “Saga of the Blade,” and “Map to the Stars, Monument to the Ancients” take their rightful place alongside the band’s best work as they continue to hone their winning combination of blackened melo-death and tech-thrash.

#9. Oromet // Oromet – I’m always thrilled when a new band impresses me with their debut record enough to land a hard-fought spot on my yearly top ten. This year it happened twice. The first entry is Oromet’s self-titled LP of expansive, airy funeral doom. The album art of a dramatically jutting rocky peak piercing the firmament while bathed in golds and blues could hardly be a better visual representation of the music. This two-man project of Patrick Hills and Dan Aguilar is an exercise in judiciously balanced light and shadow, weight and buoyancy. There’s as much empty space on this record as there is tectonic heft, with overt beauty and ragged desperation embraced in equal measure.

#8. Big|Brave // Nature Morte – In the grand tradition of quoting myself out of laziness: “The most impressive thing about Nature Morte is its meticulous construction. No matter how sparse it gets, no matter how repetitive the drum strikes or how loose the guitar squalls, there’s no wasted space. None of the three out of six tracks that stretch past nine minutes feel remotely that long thanks to well-placed transitions, hypnotic rhythms, and the commanding presence of (Robin) Wattie’s vocals… Big|Brave delivers a stunning, unique statement on Nature Morte. Without changing the core of the band’s sound, it signals a remarkable refinement of vision a decade into their existence.”

#7. Curta’n Wall // Siege Ubsessed – Abysmal Specter’s MO has always been to knock down the castle gates with his goofy parade of wizards, knights, and witches riding ostriches and walruses while sneaking infectious melodies and riffs in through the kitchen servants’ entrance. This is true of Curta’n Wall, one of his dozen or so projects other than his flagship band Old Nick, but on Siege Ubsessed, the black metal mad scientist stands at his infernal machine, turns the knob marked “raw black metal” down to its lowest setting, and the knobs marked “accordion,” “bagpipes,” “harpsichord,” and “pan flute” to 11. This is jaunty, stupid medieval folk music and an absolutely essential release in Abysmal Specter’s ever-growing oeuvre.

#6. Warcrab // The Howling Silence – Warcrab is the premier death/sludge outfit operating today, and this is their most refined release to date. As I said in my review, “With The Howling Silence, Warcrab both re-instates their sludge doom bonafides and leans into proper OSDM in ways they haven’t before.” It’s quite the trick making not only one of the best death metal songs of the year in “Sword of Mars,” but also the best sludge doom song in “Sourlands Under a Rancid Sky,” but Warcrab pulls it off with aplomb. Even as more bands join this burgeoning style, none approach these Brits in terms of talent or execution.

#5. Agriculture // Agriculture – The second of my two favorite new bands of 2023, Agriculture’s “ecstatic black metal” is unlike anything else I heard this year, and I listen to A LOT of black metal. By turns stark and lush, these Californian’s debut record was forged in the fires of blazing black riff craft and the contemporary post-rock zeitgeist. While that usually means some form of black gaze, this is not remotely the case with Agriculture. There’s nothing laconic or detached here. The almost shocking earnestness may leave some a bit taken aback, but it’s not as if they’re any different in that regard than the countless self-serious black metal musician basement dwellers the world over.

#4. Carnosus // Visions of Infinihility – I’m sure many of my colleagues will fall all over themselves in their respective lists about how much good death metal came out in 2023. I enjoyed my share of it as well, with Dying Fetus, Fossilization, and the mighty Incantation all turning my head, but the only purely death metal record I couldn’t stop spinning was Carnosus’ tech-death barn burner Visions of Infinihility. Tight, vicious, and catchy, this record also features the second-best harsh vocal performance of the year behind only the one found on my number-one record. A lot of vocalists can oscillate between death growls and blackened shrieks, but precious few can give you four different tones in one song while putting affected spins on individual words the way Jonatan Karasiak can.

#3. Somnuri // Desiderium – I’ve been pushing this NYC progressive sludge band like a used car dealer with a quota to meet since they dropped their debut in 2017. They’ve rewarded my faith in them by improving on each subsequent release. From my review: “Somnuri has done exactly what you want to see a promising band do with their third record. Namely, take anything that worked with the first two, amp that up a bit, and commit fully to a new wrinkle to elevate the material. The addition of (Soundgarden-esque) throwback radio alt-rock into their roiling pot of hardcore and progressive sludge makes Desiderium these Brooklynites’ strongest outing to date. It’s rare that an album this aggressive and energetic goes down this smooth.”

#2. Hellish Form // Deathless – This record is special. In any other year, it probably would have been my number one. As I said in April, “Considering it embodies three of the most miserable subgenres in all of metal (funeral doom, sludge, and drone), the remarkable thing about Deathless is how powerfully hopeful it is. The themes of the album are pointedly heavy and political. It’s an admonition of an oppressive world delivered with withering vitriol by the aggrieved, but both musically and lyrically, (Willow) Ryan and (Jacob) Lee steadily fix their gaze upward.” I doubt there are any more affecting lines in metal this year than Ryan’s delivery in the title track of “You can take my life, but I am deathless. I am deathless.”

#1. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – What else can I say about the first 4.5 I’ve ever awarded on this site? “By the time you reach the halfway point in opening track “Graveless yet Dead,” you’ve heard swirling organs, ominous violins, harmonized choirs, riffs that measure their gravity on the scale of celestial bodies, and (Marko) Neuman’s enormous death roar. The whole thing keeps escalating like a light growing in intensity until, nearly blinding, a biblically accurate angel emerges with its six wings and concentric wheels full of eyes and multiple heads and burnished bronze appendages and it bellows in an inhuman voice, “B̴̧̈E̴͝ͅ ̸̫̈Ń̷̦Ò̸̭T̸̜̈́ ̸̟̄A̷͈͌F̵̯̊R̴̳̽Ā̷͇I̸̜͊D̶͈͛.”…With No Dawn for the Caliginous Night, LL and Neuman have completed their transformation from practitioners of impressive if well-trod death doom to a unique voice in the ranks of funerophiles. This is a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels.”

Honorable Mentions

• Gridlink // Coronet Juniper – Acidic but deceptively smooth grindcore from one of the best bands in the genre over the last decade plus.
• Stortregn // Finitude – Just because I was slightly disappointed in the direction these Swiss boys are going after releasing my favorite record of 2021 doesn’t mean this isn’t one of my fifteen favorite records of 2023. They may be moving more and more tech, but they’re still Stortregn and they still slay.
• AGLO // Build Fear – STAR TREK THEMED DEATH DOOM SLUDGE ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? COULD ANYTHING POSSIBLY BE MORE CHERD!?
• Vanishing Kids // Miracle of Death – I liked Heavy Dreamer a fair amount, but by leaning harder into classic doom, Miracle of Death rose to list-worthy. “Spill The Dark” is one of the very best songs of any genre this year.
• Bell Witch // Future’s Shadow Part 1: The Clandestine Gate – I’m reserving some judgment for when all three parts are revealed, but this single 83-minute track is plenty compelling on its own.

Songs o’ the Year

In alphabetical order by band:

#2023 #Aetherian #AGLO #Agriculture #AntiGodHand #Antrisch #BigBrave #Blackbraid #BlogPost #Briqueville #Carcharodon #CarcharodonSTopTenIshOf2023 #CarcharodonSAndCherdSTopTenIshOf2023 #Carnosus #ChainedToTheBottomOfTheOcean #Convocation #Cursebinder #CurtaNWall #DownfallOfGaia #FiresInTheDistance #GodDisease #Gridlink #HellishForm #Inherus #Leitha #Listurnalia #Lo_ #MoonlightSorcery #Omnivortex #Oromet #Saturnus #Somnuri #Stortregn #Sworn #TheCircle #VanishingKids #Warcrab #Wayfarer #Xoth

Thus Spoke and Maddog’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Thus Spoke

Thus Spoke

Mum, I’ve made it; I’ve got my own official year-end list on Angry Metal Guy dot com. Just two years ago I had begun my probation period in what would come to be characteristically overzealous fashion, slapping a 4.5 on my first ever review, before deciding that words are much better than numbers. At the time, uncertain of my tenancy in these hallowed halls, I was juggling n00b reviews with short-form reviews on Instagram,1 the latter pursuit being what led me to apply here in the first place. And I’m glad I did!

My first complete year here as a writer has been pretty great, all things considered. I’ve reviewed (and not reviewed) some Excellent (with a capital ‘E’) albums and discovered new favorites—some of whom will be appearing below. It continues to humble me and blow my mind that I get to put my thoughts about music out here on the internet and that people actually read them; that I get to write about bands and records with a critical voice that actually garners some respect, like I’m a proper person who knows things; and that I have the chance to gush about artists I’ve loved for a long time, or only just hit upon. Reviewing Panopticon was a wonderful year-end highlight. Of course, not everything was rosy. It was another year of silence from Ulcerate2, not the greatest year for truly stand-out black metal (with some clear exceptions), and a year in which I struggled with some significant challenges at work. But disappointing promos and unavoidable life hurdles aside, 2023 has been the year that AMG—the reviewing, the staff, and the commenting community—has cemented itself as an important part of who I am. I’m grateful for all of you. Thank you.

Having not made one of these before, this has been my first proper taste of the agony (and perhaps joy) of choosing what to list and where to list them. Can I pen a Contrite Metal Guy piece about my picks later down the line? No, I can’t. So if I’ve forgotten something, please just don’t bring it up or it’ll torture me for at least the entirety of 2024.3 Now, on with the list before I change my mind!

#ish. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – Not only did this album floor me on first listen, but it also made me discover how much I love to say the word “caliginous.” *Annunciates* Cal-ig-in-ous. No Dawn… is just as satisfying, but in a very different way. Its drama, potency, and sheer scale are wondrous to behold and instantly catapulted it into my list (well, close enough). I had been thinking in recent months that I’d kind of fallen off the doom wagon. But Convocation was there right as the year was about to end to shove me firmly back on board. As Cherd opined “This is a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels,” and I concur. It’s really only down to a totally stacked year of music that this behemoth doesn’t rank higher.

#10. Thantifaxath // Hive Mind Narcosis – This album scares the shit out of me and I absolutely love it. Everything about its wacky, dissonant, bendy, manic, and malevolent intensity borders on the hallucinogenic and nightmarish. And as a piece of extreme metal, aiming to confront with the harshest of blackened death metal, this is a very good thing. Thantifaxath were a 2023 discovery for me, and this, their sophomore effort, thoroughly convinced me that I should be paying attention to them. It always sends me into a state of heavy foreboding, anxiety, and nausea at confrontation with the absurd. When I reviewed Hive Mind Narcosis, I talked about its contradictory coherence and beauty under a façade of erraticism and ugliness, and I believe this to be what makes it continue to stand out amidst many other unapproachable extreme metal records that came out in 2023, worthy as they may be.

#9. Downfall of Gaia // Silhouettes of Disgust – While I’ve had an appreciation for Downfall of Gaia since Atrophy, Silhouettes of Disgust has been the first one that’s really made an impression on me. It’s stuck with me nearly all year since it dropped in March, and I find myself continuing to return to it again and again. When I don’t know what to listen to, I’ll stick this on, and I’ll enjoy it every time. Melodically and emotionally powerful, it contains some of my favorite musical moments of the year, including in particular the building surge of drama and catharsis that ends “Optograms of Disgust” and the album entirely. I think the reason Silhouettes has had this effect was pinned down nicely by Carcharodon when he wrote: “this is the [album] that manages to blend most effectively all the disparate facets of Downfall of Gaia’s sound.” And I would go further and assert what he only hinted at, that Silhouettes is indeed the best of the band’s career.

#8. Stortregn // Finitude – I feel like Stortregn have been getting more and more fun with every album, or at least definitely on the last few. While Emptiness Fills the Void (2018) was light enjoyment, Impermanence (2021) stepped things up a gear into real grin-inducing territory. Finitude, however, blows those records out of the water with what is possibly the most fun I’ve had with technical death/black metal of any kind. Everything about it works towards this, from constantly evolving, circularly composed song structures that sweep you away with their drama and flair, to a flipping flamenco break in “Xeno Chaos” which I should hate, but instead, I absolutely fucking love because it works so brilliantly. Its melodies are gorgeous, its energy undeniable, its rhythms irresistible. Damn, I think I’m gonna go and listen to it again now, I’ve really given myself the itch.

#7. To the Grave // Director’s Cuts – This started off higher on my list. It’s not that I’ve cooled off on it. Quite the contrary, as To the Grave are my most-listened-to artist on Spotify this year, and I will still ardently defend, to anyone who bothers to vocalize their disagreement, that this is an Excellent album. It’s simply a testament to the strength of those you’ll find below. But let that not take away from the immensity that is Director’s Cuts. It’s a stunning slab of deathcore that utterly wipes the floor with anything else released in that subgenre this year, not just br00tal and groovy as all hell, but possessed of a powerful and righteous message of animal liberation, wrapped of course, in a super mean metal mien. “Manhunt,” and indeed most of the album, powered many a top set in the gym, while stone-cold classic-in-the-making, “Axe of Kindness” easily makes it to the Songs of the Year playlist. It’s just fantastic all-round. Until all are free! *Headbangs violently.*

#6. Wayfarer // American Gothic – I was not initially overly enamored with American Gothic. I don’t know what I was playing at though, because it’s quite clearly brilliant. It’s grown on me like no other album has this year, quickly and assertively muscling its way almost into my top five. Though at first I thought it was inferior to its predecessor A Romance with Violence, as I’ve mentioned, I was being silly, and it’s actually far superior. With a more coherent and consistent compositional structure, more powerful and punchy songs, with stronger, more memorable melodies, and a better integration of that uniquely Western vibe into vibrant and vicious black metal, this is my favorite Wayfarer album by a country mile. Brilliantly evocative, both satisfyingly savage and stirringly soft when it needs to be, American Gothic never ceases to transport me to the old West in its turbulent transformation with drama, passion, and beauty. And it’s wonderful to experience.

#5. Night Crowned // Tales – It was surprising enough that none of my esteemed colleagues had nabbed Tales before I did. But for it to be so mind-blowingly fantastic that it would end up this high on my year-end list was something else. With a songs-of-the-year-lister for an opening cut and, in general, a tracklist stuffed full of back-to-back bangers, and a blazingly bombastic, infectious spirit all around, Tales charges ahead of the competition with savage glee. It’s actually hard to overstate just how good this album is, particularly given how ridiculously easy it is to listen to with its catchy melodies, (relatively) snappy song lengths, and dynamic energy. The culmination of Night Crowned’s fiery and dramatic style of black metal, and the best of their already stellar discography, Tales calls me back ceaselessly and I’m more than happy to oblige.

#4. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – This album is magical. Nothing has changed since I first heard it in its entirety this spring. Elegantly composed, stirring, and effortlessly graceful, it’s hands-down the most straightforwardly beautiful thing on my list. It’s moving without being sappy, and pretty without being saccharine. And Air Not Meant for Us also wins points for including a midway instrumental that’s not only just as good as the other tracks, but possibly better, and bridges the two sides of the album in this lovely way that makes for a dreamy kind of interlude. Fires in the Distance have such a distinctive form of ethereal, key-accented melodeath/doom that I can only see the immense strength of Air Not Meant for Us as a huge, incredibly exciting sign of more brilliant records to come. As it is, I still haven’t had enough of this one.

#3. Serpent of Old // Ensemble Under the Dark Sun – Back in June, I confidently declared that “Serpent of Old have crafted one of the best metal records of 2023 so far, no exaggeration.” Well, it turns out I wasn’t exaggerating, because here it is, number three on my list. Clear as day I can recall hearing the opening notes of “The Sin Before the Great Sin,” as Ensemble Under the Dark Sun began playing for the first time. Straight away I knew that I’d landed a monster of an album, and 42 or so minutes later I was completely engulfed in its intoxicatingly atmospheric darkness. Like their eponymous snake, Serpent of Old wound their blackened death metal around and around my brain. Ensemble is intense, and yet utterly captivating, dripping with oppressive, haunting melodies and deep, angular dissonance. And it also features the best drum performance of the year in my opinion. To think this is a debut is frankly astonishing, and I am extremely keen to hear more.

#2. Dødheimsgard // Black Medium Current – For a long time, this sat comfortably in first place. Why is no mystery. Unlike anything Dødheimsgard have put out in the past, or anything else released this year, Black Medium Current challenged, confronted, and mesmerized me. Weird and discomfiting one moment, tear-jerkingly beautiful another, this album is an emotional and musical rollercoaster that treads perfectly that line between avant-garde wackiness and sincere black metal passion. I recall how stunned I was to discover its 72+ minute length, after already spinning it back-to-back multiple times because it’s so engrossing and intelligently composed. I also recall just how close I came to awarding my first “Iconic” when reviewing it, simply due to the lasting power I perceived it to possess. While the Contrite Metal Guy piece is not on the roadmap for anytime soon, I still believe Black Medium Current to be incredibly special, and an album that absolutely must be heard by everyone in the metalsphere, even if it’s to rapidly discover it’s not one’s cup of tea. Dødheimsgard have made an almost perfect record here. A worthy holder of the top position, were it not for one, equally lengthy rival…

#1. Panopticon // The Rime of Memory – As it’s so recently reviewed, perhaps this was obvious. But with Panopticon, I can be sure that its immense influence is not just due to proximity bias. Just like its predecessor …And Again into the Light, The Rime of Memory knocked me flat off my feet and buried me like an avalanche, with all of the intensity and force, and yet none of the cold. Because this burns white hot with passion and pain. I haven’t yet decided whether it sits above that prior record, but right now, it doesn’t matter, because it easily stands above all others in 2023. “Cedar Skeletons” alone snatches the song of the year accolade, but the whole is something I have to experience again and again. It would just be wrong to give anything less than first place to an album that quite literally brings me to tears because of how emotionally poignant and compositionally powerful it is. As with my #2 pick, its epic duration is immaterial in the face of its effect, which is utterly unmatched by any of my other list contenders. Panopticon—particularly on more recent records—seems to have a unique ability to tug on my heartstrings and to blend the most ferocious of black metal with the most serene and evocative Appalachian folk, and to have it all bleed pure pathos. The Rime of Memory more than matched my lofty hopes, and it already has a very special place in my heart.

Honorable Mentions:

• Ahab // The Coral Tombs – A return to form after the iffy Boats of the Glen Carrig. Managing at turns to be both as heavy as a colossal squid and beautifully still as the depths of the ocean.
• Nightmarer // Deformity Adrift – I love everything Nightmarer put out and this is no exception. Brutal and shivering with grim atmosphere and irresistible rhythm.
• Manbryne // Interregnum: O próbie wiary i jarzmie zw​ą​tpienia – Just as good, if not better than its predecessor. Which means it’s really rather good. Gnarly, intriguing Polish black metal with bite and pizzaz.
• The Circle // Of Awakening – This magnificent dramatic black metal opus came the closest to making it into the final list. I slept on this album hard until the final months, and it was only barely pushed out.
• Dymna Lotva // The Land Under the Black Wings: Blood – An album that came out of absolutely nowhere for me and stunned with its emotional potency and devastating delivery. Future Dymna Lotva records may well make the list when that year comes.
• Voidsphere // To Infect | To Inflict – Thank you to Dear Hollow for putting this on my radar. It’s like Decoherence and Darkspace had a baby. A dark, mesmerizing atmospheric black metal baby. Gorgeous.

Songs of the Year:

• “Cedar Skeletons” – Panopticon
• “De Namnlösa” – Night Crowned
• “Axe of Kindness” – To the Grave
• “Optograms of Disgust” – Downfall of Gaia
• “The Fall” – Serpent of Old
• “A Coral Tomb” – Ahab
• “Boreal” – The Ocean
• “Seven Crowns and Seven Seals” – Sulphur Aeon
• “Taufbefehl” – Nightmarer
• “Of Awakening” – The Circle (ft. Ne Obliviscaris)

Guilty Pleasure of the Year:

• “SIRENCORE” – Banshee – Not remotely metal unless you count some black metal shrieking scattered into its dance-pop. I did however, get mildly addicted to this song for a time. What can I say? I have to let my girly side out occasionally. And yeah. It’s going on the playlist.

Maddog

My earballs had a mixed year. A headbanger’s field day, 2023 boasted a solid array of death metal and some doom that won over skeptics like me. But this year’s music lacked emotional weight. Few 2023 albums sounded as beautiful as Inexorum’s Equinox Vigil, as heart-wrenching as Darkher’s The Buried Storm, or as monumental as Gloson’s The Rift, all of which rocked my 2022 list. There was still plenty to love, but something felt missing.

And so, I found solace in music from years past. Trees of Eternity’s Hour of the Nightingale, perhaps the most underrated record in AMG history, offered me catharsis on dark days. Emma Ruth Rundle held my hand,4 expressing boundless empathy through Marked for Death. Every Enshine release whisked me into a secluded world of sorrowful beauty. Conversely, LiveWire’s thrilling Under Attack!, my favorite 2022 record, kept hopelessness at bay; no matter what, I’m happy to inhabit a world that has LiveWire in it. On the fiercer side, I rekindled my love for Morbid Angel’s Covenant (1993), Suffocation’s Effigy of the Forgotten (1991), and Dying Fetus’ Killing on Adrenaline (1998). This deep bench of yesteryear highlights helped scratch the itches that 2023 albums missed.

The scarcity of tear-jerking 2023 music also re-taught me an important lesson: music that isn’t overtly emotional can still offer consolation or escape. Indeed, my favorite 2023 records brought a smile to my tired face rather than feeding my wallowing tendencies. A comment from the recent Suffocation review expressed this sentiment best:

All things fall to ruin in this world, and that’s why we have death metal.

I’ll give thank-yous a shot, though they’ll inevitably be incomplete. Thank you to AMG for his fearless leadership, Madam X for her tireless work, Grier for his insults, Steel for his bourbon (and also his bourbon), Sentynel for keeping us alive, and Dear Hollow for doing all the writing. Thank you to the UK staff for tolerating my occasional visits, and to everyone who’s supported me through bouts of melodrama. And thank you to everyone who makes my world more musical: artists, comment-section banterers, fellow writers, friends who share music with me, kind people at shows, and more. I’ll be on board 70,000 Tons for the first time next month, and I’m excited to keep deepening my musical community.

Finally, thank you to Thus Spoke, my (list) partner in (vegan) crime. Her intense emotional connection to music bleeds through her words, inspiring me to listen more closely and write more goodly. Read her list first; you won’t regret it.

#ish. Ne Obliviscaris // Exul – Exul’s peaks show Ne Obliviscaris at the top of their divisive game. The band’s balance of beauty and brutality is as strong as ever, as the strings, clean guitars, and death metal riffs move in lockstep. Bassist Martino Garratoni’s hyperactive melodies round out Exul’s rich soundscape. It’s a pleasure to hear Ne Obliviscaris’ compositions unfold, ebbing and flowing among the band’s diverse strengths. Exul’s bloat is the only major splotch on an otherwise stellar record. Listen to Exul with an open mind; it’s easy to get clouded by the hype or the popular hatred. Exul offers a lot to love, and there isn’t much else like it.
[Pairing: Maison Ferrand (Ars, France), Citadelle Jardin d’Été Gin. This gin is easy to sneer at; it’s contemporary, a newcomer, and French. But give it a chance. You might find your mind wandering through a château garden in bloom.]

#10. Gorod // The Orb – I slept on The Orb at first because of its lackluster bass. After a decade of spectacular performances, bassist Benoit Claus inexplicably dialed back his wizardry after 2015’s A Maze of Recycled Creeds. Still, Gorod makes it work. The Orb’s unhinged harmonic leads showcase guitarists Pascal and Alberny at their finest. Meanwhile, the album’s energetic peaks and valleys give space for the drums to take the driver’s seat. Every moment of The Orb amps me up for the next moment, most notably on career highlight “Breeding Silence.” The Orb isn’t memorable enough to land near the top of Gorod’s formidable discography, but Gorod’s brand of hyper-technical death metal is still fun as hell.
[Pairing: Founders Brewing (Grand Rapids, MI), Porter – 6.5% ABV. Less rich than some of its Founders brethren (e.g. Breakfast Stout), but still a flavorful feast.]

#9. Altari // Kröflueldar – I don’t know what the hell this is, but I love it. Altari’s distinctive debut melds black metal and psychedelic rock. While those genre labels might provoke knee-jerk comparisons to Oranssi Pazuzu or A Forest of Stars, Altari’s sound is peerless. Stalwart rhythms ground you while swirling melodies emerge from nowhere to whisk you away, echoing Love’s Forever Changes and Jefferson Airplane’s Surrealistic Pillow. And yet, Kröflueldar’s blackened edge makes it a haunting experience. While Kröflueldar’s abrupt song endings have room for improvement, Altari’s hypnotic debut is a triumph. It might be tucked too far underground to turn many heads, but it’s well worth your time.
[Pairing: Brandy Soymilk Punch (made with Paul Masson VSOP Brandy). “What the hell is this? Why would I ever drink… Errr, why is my glass empty? Fill me up!”]

#8. Sodomisery // Mazzaroth – The melodic black metal resurgence of 2023 peaked with Sodomisery. Mazzaroth checks every box. Dissection-lite blackened death riffs collude with soaring Misturious melodies to lure you into the fray. The album’s clean sections and Sodomisery’s newfound symphonic elements add emotional depth without sounding generic. Mazzaroth’s strengths coalesce in its belt-along choruses, which maintain the album’s somber mood while still worming into your brain. Because Sodomisery executes every component so well, the record sounds fresh despite trodding well-trodden ground. Even Sodomisery’s less-than-ideal name inspired three of 2023’s most iconic comments. Mazzaroth has captured the hearts of old fans and newcomers alike, and the attention is well-deserved.
[Pairing: BrewDog (Ellon, UK), Drop D – Cascadian Dark Ale, 8.1% ABV. Perfectly balances hoppiness and roasty stout flavors, without reinventing any wheels.]

#7. Faithxtractor // Contempt for a Failed Dimension – While 2023 had no shortage of compelling no-frills death metal, the genre peaked in January with Faithxtractor. This is what you get when you cross faith unforgiving death metal with a tractor meticulous songwriting. Contempt for a Failed Dimension’s single-minded focus keeps it concise and fearsome across both its crushing slow sections and its frantic riff carnivals. Faithxtractor’s creativity elevates the album from “mere” fun to the top of its genre. Even at its most unhinged, Contempt for a Failed Dimension never trips over itself. Every riff inhabits its optimal location, and each one is essential to the final product. I’m not sure which dimension has failed—I hope it isn’t a spatial one—but I know Faithxtractor will punish it mightily.
[Pairing: Lagunitas Brewing (Petaluma, CA), IPA – 6.2% ABV. A familiar beer in a familiar style, but it always hits the spot. Sometimes that’s all you need.]

#6. Xoth // Exogalactic – Xoth’s brand of technical blackened death-thrash is a sci-fi spectacle. Exogalactic’s futuristic riffs, twisting melodies, and narrative arcs make it feel like reptilian aliens are indeed enslaving humans as gladiators like hordes of warriors are really battling for the galaxy. Hearing Xoth play Tetris with electrifying melodies of all shapes and sizes is thrilling. While the album’s peaks fall short of its predecessor, you’ll be belting out its colossal choruses in no time. Xoth’s style is unique, but it shares a strength with Archspire, First Fragment, and Jane Austen: you can hear Xoth grinning through their art. Every time I listen to Exogalactic, I can’t help but grin alongside.
[Pairing: Brouwerij Huyghe (Melle, Belgium), Delirium Tremens – Belgian Golden Strong Ale, 8.5% ABV. A paradox in a glass: strong and flavorful, but light-hearted and bright. It’ll put a smile on your face.]

#5. Raider // Trial by Chaos – Trial by Chaos is as dense as its cover art. Over 39 minutes of hectic death-thrash, Raider tells tales of dystopia, science fiction, and righteous defiance. Every element of Raider’s onslaught finds its mark. The guitars range from Floridian death metal steamrollers to three-piece melodic leads, nailing both styles. The thunderous rhythm section raises hell at climactic moments and stitches Trial by Chaos’ disparate pieces together. Most strikingly, Angelo Bonaccorso’s vocal variety imbues the music with emotional force and narrative structure. This is only Raider’s second full-length record, but its cohesion and show-stopping power make it best in class. Expect Raider to be a torchbearer for death-thrash in the years to come.
[Pairing: 3 Floyds Brewing (Munster, IN), Permanent Funeral – Imperial IPA, 10.5% ABV. Unforgiving in its strength, its hoppiness, and its intense flavor. Intimidating but irresistible.]

#4. Wayfarer // American Gothic – Seamlessly blending their Western aesthetic with black metal, Wayfarer transports the listener to the Western United States circa 1900. This is not a romanticized Magic School Bus trip; everything around you is greed, senseless violence, and environmental devastation.5 American Gothic’s emotional palette matches this landscape, leading through righteous anger (“The Cattle Thief”),6 longing (“To Enter My House Justified”), and hopelessness (“Black Plumes over God’s Country”). The album’s fantastic rhythm section and its rich production, both uncharacteristic strengths for black metal, allow Wayfarer’s diverse compositions to shine. Even though Wayfarer isn’t the only band playing this style, they’ve won my heart. Concise but powerful, American Gothic is the new American gothic.
[Pairing: Buffalo Trace Distillery (Frankfort, KY), Sazerac Rye. Accessible for the wallet and the palate, but with a fierce rye edge. A flavor bonanza and a perfect companion for an evening of reminiscences or regrets.]

#3. Hellripper // Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags – The “old Hellripper” is still alive and well, after two riotous slabs of blackened speed metal. The “new Hellripper” is no less formidable. Forays into death metal and old-school speed metal add flair around the edges. Meanwhile, Warlocks’ longer tracks leap out of Hellripper’s comfort zone while balancing melodic variety and narrative cohesion. Scottish folk influences add depth throughout the melodies, the lyrics rooted in Orkney mythology, and the unexpected bagpipes. With these forces combined, the record’s narrative pieces feel like captivating campfire tales rather than bedtime stories. And still, Warlocks’ speedy killers are the most fun I’ve had all year. Warlocks is both an exhilarating listen and a massive step forward for Hellripper’s songwriting.
[Pairing: St. George Spirits (Alameda, CA), Terroir Gin. The juniper-heavy palate will placate gin gatekeepers, while the Douglas fir and sage will transport open minds to a California coastal redwood forest. Classic, innovative, and delicious.]

#2. Onheil // In Black Ashes – In Black Ashes is melodic black/death/speed/thrash at its finest. But that description is both a little too much and much too little. The album’s irresistible speedy riffs alone deserve Grier’s 3.5. Onheil’s mastery of melody and songwriting elevates In Black Ashes into the stratosphere. Led by the indomitable “Void,” In Black Ashes’ powerful melodies offer catharsis like none other. As the album progresses, Onheil flexes their compositional muscles more, melding narrative meloblack epics with Mors Principium Est-adjacent bangers. Every track is a winner, and Onheil strikes an impossible balance between enthralling riffs and emotional heft. In Black Ashes deserves a lot more love.
[Pairing: Hayman’s Distillery (London, UK), Royal Dock Navy Strength Gin. This isn’t just another boring London gin; spices and citrus add a twist. Bottled at the 114 proof point where soaked gunpowder can still ignite, Royal Dock is fierce but shockingly smooth.]

#1. Theophonos // Nightmare Visions – Nightmare Visions throws everything at the wall, and everything sticks. I struggled to describe this album once, and it isn’t getting easier. Theophonos’ debut feels like a grind-paced tour through metal history, squeezed through a blackened filter. Armed with razor-sharp riffs, a vicious rhythm section, and a refusal to sit still, Theophonos’ dissonant style is both neck-shattering and evocative. The album’s density makes it a gripping experience, while Jimmy Hamzey’s (Serpent Column) masterful transitions hold the Jenga blocks together. Theophonos’ blood, sweat, and tears glisten through details like the inter-song callbacks and the blurring of frenzied black metal and serene rock. Ten months into our love affair, Nightmare Visions still reveals new facets on every listen. Even if blackened grind isn’t your home turf (trust me, it isn’t mine), give Nightmare Visions a shot. I’d never heard anything like it, but now I can’t stop listening.
[Pairing: Fifth Hammer Brewing (Queens, NY), POGlodyte – Sour Ale with Passionfruit, Blood Orange, and Guava, 5.5% ABV. The description is accurate but inadequate. Wilder than your wildest dreams, this sour is what you never realized your life needed. Rapture for every taste bud.]

Honorable Mentions:

• Night Crowned // Tales – Tales is a scorcher from cover to cover, blending ferocious blackened death melodies with clean and folky digressions. Night Crowned jostled their way up here at the last minute. Ask me in a few weeks, and I might regret not pushing Tales up to my top 10.
• Tomb Mold // The Enduring Spirit – Tomb Mold’s 57-degree turn into prog death lands close to Fallujah’s best work. With dueling guitar leads, riveting bass melodies, and groovy drum lines, The Enduring Spirit is gorgeous and engaging. With more oomph, it could’ve landed near the top of my list.
• Saturnus // The Storm Within – From its crushing death-doom riffs to its My Dying Bride-esque dirges, The Storm Within ripped my heart out. Saturnus’ decade-awaited return suffers from bloat, but it’s still one of 2023’s rare emotional juggernauts.
• Kalmah // Kalmah – Kalmah’s Kalmah sounds like Kalmah, in the best way. Firestorm riffs, massive climaxes, and prominent synths get the blood flowing. The slower morose sections hit just as hard, especially with their infectious choruses. Kalmah doesn’t break new ground, but it still holds me rapt.
• Reverend Kristin Michael Hayter // Saved! – Saved! is jarring, but Hayter’s spellbinding vocals and her cohesive compositions won me over. The album pantses my heart in its best moments, like “I Will Be with You Always.” The out-of-place shorter pieces and the record’s rocky start hold Saved! back, but it’s still worth a spin or ten.
• Serpent of Old // Ensemble under the Dark Sun – This one is tough to describe. Ensemble’s blackened death melodies, at once eerie and grabby, crept under my skin on my very first listen. Given how dense and thoughtful Ensemble is, I still can’t believe it’s Serpent of Old’s debut.

Disappointments o’ the Year:

• Myrkur // Spine – Pairing: Methanol. A close relative of excellence, but hazardous in its current form. So close, but so very far.
• The Ocean // Holocene – Pairing: Southwest Spirits (Dallas, TX), Calamity Gin. The heavy floral and citrusy botanicals make for an intriguing promo pitch. Given my history with similar styles, I had every expectation of loving this. Alas, reality was not so kind; I struggled to finish it.

Songs o’ the Year:

1. Onheil – “Void”
2. Enslaved – “Congelia”
3. Xoth – “Battlesphere”
4. Sermon – “Golden”
5. Gorod – “Breeding Silence”
6. Ne Obliviscaris – “Equus”
7. Insomnium – “1696”
8. Theophonos – “Of Days Past”
9. Raider – “Labyrinth”
10. Wayfarer – “The Cattle Thief”
11. Stortregn – “The Revelation”

#Ahab #Altari #Convocation #Dödheimsgard #DownfallOfGaia #DymnaLotva #Faithxtractor #FiresInTheDistance #Gorod #Hellripper #Kalmah #Lists #Listurnalia #Mānbryne #Myrkur #NeObliviscaris #NightCrowned #Nightmarer #Onheil #Panopticon #Raider #ReverendKristinMichaelHayter #Saturnus #SerpentOfOld #Sodomisery #Stortregn #Thantifaxath #TheCircle #TheOcean #Theophonos #ThusSpokeSAndMaddogSTopTenIshOf2023 #ToTheGrave #TombMold #Top10Ish_ #Voidsphere #Wayfarer #Xoth

Thus Spoke and Maddog’s Top Ten(ish) of 2023

By Thus Spoke

Thus Spoke

Mum, I’ve made it; I’ve got my own official year-end list on Angry Metal Guy dot com. Just two years ago I had begun my probation period in what would come to be characteristically overzealous fashion, slapping a 4.5 on my first ever review, before deciding that words are much better than numbers. At the time, uncertain of my tenancy in these hallowed halls, I was juggling n00b reviews with short-form reviews on Instagram,1 the latter pursuit being what led me to apply here in the first place. And I’m glad I did!

My first complete year here as a writer has been pretty great, all things considered. I’ve reviewed (and not reviewed) some Excellent (with a capital ‘E’) albums and discovered new favorites—some of whom will be appearing below. It continues to humble me and blow my mind that I get to put my thoughts about music out here on the internet and that people actually read them; that I get to write about bands and records with a critical voice that actually garners some respect, like I’m a proper person who knows things; and that I have the chance to gush about artists I’ve loved for a long time, or only just hit upon. Reviewing Panopticon was a wonderful year-end highlight. Of course, not everything was rosy. It was another year of silence from Ulcerate2, not the greatest year for truly stand-out black metal (with some clear exceptions), and a year in which I struggled with some significant challenges at work. But disappointing promos and unavoidable life hurdles aside, 2023 has been the year that AMG—the reviewing, the staff, and the commenting community—has cemented itself as an important part of who I am. I’m grateful for all of you. Thank you.

Having not made one of these before, this has been my first proper taste of the agony (and perhaps joy) of choosing what to list and where to list them. Can I pen a Contrite Metal Guy piece about my picks later down the line? No, I can’t. So if I’ve forgotten something, please just don’t bring it up or it’ll torture me for at least the entirety of 2024.3 Now, on with the list before I change my mind!

#ish. Convocation // No Dawn for the Caliginous Night – Not only did this album floor me on first listen, but it also made me discover how much I love to say the word “caliginous.” *Annunciates* Cal-ig-in-ous. No Dawn… is just as satisfying, but in a very different way. Its drama, potency, and sheer scale are wondrous to behold and instantly catapulted it into my list (well, close enough). I had been thinking in recent months that I’d kind of fallen off the doom wagon. But Convocation was there right as the year was about to end to shove me firmly back on board. As Cherd opined “This is a towering celebration of death’s enormity, packaged in the heaviest and most shimmering of vessels,” and I concur. It’s really only down to a totally stacked year of music that this behemoth doesn’t rank higher.

#10. Thantifaxath // Hive Mind Narcosis – This album scares the shit out of me and I absolutely love it. Everything about its wacky, dissonant, bendy, manic, and malevolent intensity borders on the hallucinogenic and nightmarish. And as a piece of extreme metal, aiming to confront with the harshest of blackened death metal, this is a very good thing. Thantifaxath were a 2023 discovery for me, and this, their sophomore effort, thoroughly convinced me that I should be paying attention to them. It always sends me into a state of heavy foreboding, anxiety, and nausea at confrontation with the absurd. When I reviewed Hive Mind Narcosis, I talked about its contradictory coherence and beauty under a façade of erraticism and ugliness, and I believe this to be what makes it continue to stand out amidst many other unapproachable extreme metal records that came out in 2023, worthy as they may be.

#9. Downfall of Gaia // Silhouettes of Disgust – While I’ve had an appreciation for Downfall of Gaia since Atrophy, Silhouettes of Disgust has been the first one that’s really made an impression on me. It’s stuck with me nearly all year since it dropped in March, and I find myself continuing to return to it again and again. When I don’t know what to listen to, I’ll stick this on, and I’ll enjoy it every time. Melodically and emotionally powerful, it contains some of my favorite musical moments of the year, including in particular the building surge of drama and catharsis that ends “Optograms of Disgust” and the album entirely. I think the reason Silhouettes has had this effect was pinned down nicely by Carcharodon when he wrote: “this is the [album] that manages to blend most effectively all the disparate facets of Downfall of Gaia’s sound.” And I would go further and assert what he only hinted at, that Silhouettes is indeed the best of the band’s career.

#8. Stortregn // Finitude – I feel like Stortregn have been getting more and more fun with every album, or at least definitely on the last few. While Emptiness Fills the Void (2018) was light enjoyment, Impermanence (2021) stepped things up a gear into real grin-inducing territory. Finitude, however, blows those records out of the water with what is possibly the most fun I’ve had with technical death/black metal of any kind. Everything about it works towards this, from constantly evolving, circularly composed song structures that sweep you away with their drama and flair, to a flipping flamenco break in “Xeno Chaos” which I should hate, but instead, I absolutely fucking love because it works so brilliantly. Its melodies are gorgeous, its energy undeniable, its rhythms irresistible. Damn, I think I’m gonna go and listen to it again now, I’ve really given myself the itch.

#7. To the Grave // Director’s Cuts – This started off higher on my list. It’s not that I’ve cooled off on it. Quite the contrary, as To the Grave are my most-listened-to artist on Spotify this year, and I will still ardently defend, to anyone who bothers to vocalize their disagreement, that this is an Excellent album. It’s simply a testament to the strength of those you’ll find below. But let that not take away from the immensity that is Director’s Cuts. It’s a stunning slab of deathcore that utterly wipes the floor with anything else released in that subgenre this year, not just br00tal and groovy as all hell, but possessed of a powerful and righteous message of animal liberation, wrapped of course, in a super mean metal mien. “Manhunt,” and indeed most of the album, powered many a top set in the gym, while stone-cold classic-in-the-making, “Axe of Kindness” easily makes it to the Songs of the Year playlist. It’s just fantastic all-round. Until all are free! *Headbangs violently.*

#6. Wayfarer // American Gothic – I was not initially overly enamored with American Gothic. I don’t know what I was playing at though, because it’s quite clearly brilliant. It’s grown on me like no other album has this year, quickly and assertively muscling its way almost into my top five. Though at first I thought it was inferior to its predecessor A Romance with Violence, as I’ve mentioned, I was being silly, and it’s actually far superior. With a more coherent and consistent compositional structure, more powerful and punchy songs, with stronger, more memorable melodies, and a better integration of that uniquely Western vibe into vibrant and vicious black metal, this is my favorite Wayfarer album by a country mile. Brilliantly evocative, both satisfyingly savage and stirringly soft when it needs to be, American Gothic never ceases to transport me to the old West in its turbulent transformation with drama, passion, and beauty. And it’s wonderful to experience.

#5. Night Crowned // Tales – It was surprising enough that none of my esteemed colleagues had nabbed Tales before I did. But for it to be so mind-blowingly fantastic that it would end up this high on my year-end list was something else. With a songs-of-the-year-lister for an opening cut and, in general, a tracklist stuffed full of back-to-back bangers, and a blazingly bombastic, infectious spirit all around, Tales charges ahead of the competition with savage glee. It’s actually hard to overstate just how good this album is, particularly given how ridiculously easy it is to listen to with its catchy melodies, (relatively) snappy song lengths, and dynamic energy. The culmination of Night Crowned’s fiery and dramatic style of black metal, and the best of their already stellar discography, Tales calls me back ceaselessly and I’m more than happy to oblige.

#4. Fires in the Distance // Air Not Meant for Us – This album is magical. Nothing has changed since I first heard it in its entirety this spring. Elegantly composed, stirring, and effortlessly graceful, it’s hands-down the most straightforwardly beautiful thing on my list. It’s moving without being sappy, and pretty without being saccharine. And Air Not Meant for Us also wins points for including a midway instrumental that’s not only just as good as the other tracks, but possibly better, and bridges the two sides of the album in this lovely way that makes for a dreamy kind of interlude. Fires in the Distance have such a distinctive form of ethereal, key-accented melodeath/doom that I can only see the immense strength of Air Not Meant for Us as a huge, incredibly exciting sign of more brilliant records to come. As it is, I still haven’t had enough of this one.

#3. Serpent of Old // Ensemble Under the Dark Sun – Back in June, I confidently declared that “Serpent of Old have crafted one of the best metal records of 2023 so far, no exaggeration.” Well, it turns out I wasn’t exaggerating, because here it is, number three on my list. Clear as day I can recall hearing the opening notes of “The Sin Before the Great Sin,” as Ensemble Under the Dark Sun began playing for the first time. Straight away I knew that I’d landed a monster of an album, and 42 or so minutes later I was completely engulfed in its intoxicatingly atmospheric darkness. Like their eponymous snake, Serpent of Old wound their blackened death metal around and around my brain. Ensemble is intense, and yet utterly captivating, dripping with oppressive, haunting melodies and deep, angular dissonance. And it also features the best drum performance of the year in my opinion. To think this is a debut is frankly astonishing, and I am extremely keen to hear more.

#2. Dødheimsgard // Black Medium Current – For a long time, this sat comfortably in first place. Why is no mystery. Unlike anything Dødheimsgard have put out in the past, or anything else released this year, Black Medium Current challenged, confronted, and mesmerized me. Weird and discomfiting one moment, tear-jerkingly beautiful another, this album is an emotional and musical rollercoaster that treads perfectly that line between avant-garde wackiness and sincere black metal passion. I recall how stunned I was to discover its 72+ minute length, after already spinning it back-to-back multiple times because it’s so engrossing and intelligently composed. I also recall just how close I came to awarding my first “Iconic” when reviewing it, simply due to the lasting power I perceived it to possess. While the Contrite Metal Guy piece is not on the roadmap for anytime soon, I still believe Black Medium Current to be incredibly special, and an album that absolutely must be heard by everyone in the metalsphere, even if it’s to rapidly discover it’s not one’s cup of tea. Dødheimsgard have made an almost perfect record here. A worthy holder of the top position, were it not for one, equally lengthy rival…

#1. Panopticon // The Rime of Memory – As it’s so recently reviewed, perhaps this was obvious. But with Panopticon, I can be sure that its immense influence is not just due to proximity bias. Just like its predecessor …And Again into the Light, The Rime of Memory knocked me flat off my feet and buried me like an avalanche, with all of the intensity and force, and yet none of the cold. Because this burns white hot with passion and pain. I haven’t yet decided whether it sits above that prior record, but right now, it doesn’t matter, because it easily stands above all others in 2023. “Cedar Skeletons” alone snatches the song of the year accolade, but the whole is something I have to experience again and again. It would just be wrong to give anything less than first place to an album that quite literally brings me to tears because of how emotionally poignant and compositionally powerful it is. As with my #2 pick, its epic duration is immaterial in the face of its effect, which is utterly unmatched by any of my other list contenders. Panopticon—particularly on more recent records—seems to have a unique ability to tug on my heartstrings and to blend the most ferocious of black metal with the most serene and evocative Appalachian folk, and to have it all bleed pure pathos. The Rime of Memory more than matched my lofty hopes, and it already has a very special place in my heart.

Honorable Mentions:

• Ahab // The Coral Tombs – A return to form after the iffy Boats of the Glen Carrig. Managing at turns to be both as heavy as a colossal squid and beautifully still as the depths of the ocean.
• Nightmarer // Deformity Adrift – I love everything Nightmarer put out and this is no exception. Brutal and shivering with grim atmosphere and irresistible rhythm.
• Manbryne // Interregnum: O próbie wiary i jarzmie zw​ą​tpienia – Just as good, if not better than its predecessor. Which means it’s really rather good. Gnarly, intriguing Polish black metal with bite and pizzaz.
• The Circle // Of Awakening – This magnificent dramatic black metal opus came the closest to making it into the final list. I slept on this album hard until the final months, and it was only barely pushed out.
• Dymna Lotva // The Land Under the Black Wings: Blood – An album that came out of absolutely nowhere for me and stunned with its emotional potency and devastating delivery. Future Dymna Lotva records may well make the list when that year comes.
• Voidsphere // To Infect | To Inflict – Thank you to Dear Hollow for putting this on my radar. It’s like Decoherence and Darkspace had a baby. A dark, mesmerizing atmospheric black metal baby. Gorgeous.

Songs of the Year:

• “Cedar Skeletons” – Panopticon
• “De Namnlösa” – Night Crowned
• “Axe of Kindness” – To the Grave
• “Optograms of Disgust” – Downfall of Gaia
• “The Fall” – Serpent of Old
• “A Coral Tomb” – Ahab
• “Boreal” – The Ocean
• “Seven Crowns and Seven Seals” – Sulphur Aeon
• “Taufbefehl” – Nightmarer
• “Of Awakening” – The Circle (ft. Ne Obliviscaris)

Guilty Pleasure of the Year:

• “SIRENCORE” – Banshee – Not remotely metal unless you count some black metal shrieking scattered into its dance-pop. I did however, get mildly addicted to this song for a time. What can I say? I have to let my girly side out occasionally. And yeah. It’s going on the playlist.

Maddog

My earballs had a mixed year. A headbanger’s field day, 2023 boasted a solid array of death metal and some doom that won over skeptics like me. But this year’s music lacked emotional weight. Few 2023 albums sounded as beautiful as Inexorum’s Equinox Vigil, as heart-wrenching as Darkher’s The Buried Storm, or as monumental as Gloson’s The Rift, all of which rocked my 2022 list. There was still plenty to love, but something felt missing.

And so, I found solace in music from years past. Trees of Eternity’s Hour of the Nightingale, perhaps the most underrated record in AMG history, offered me catharsis on dark days. Emma Ruth Rundle held my hand,4 expressing boundless empathy through Marked for Death. Every Enshine release whisked me into a secluded world of sorrowful beauty. Conversely, LiveWire’s thrilling Under Attack!, my favorite 2022 record, kept hopelessness at bay; no matter what, I’m happy to inhabit a world that has LiveWire in it. On the fiercer side, I rekindled my love for Morbid Angel’s Covenant (1993), Suffocation’s Effigy of the Forgotten (1991), and Dying Fetus’ Killing on Adrenaline (1998). This deep bench of yesteryear highlights helped scratch the itches that 2023 albums missed.

The scarcity of tear-jerking 2023 music also re-taught me an important lesson: music that isn’t overtly emotional can still offer consolation or escape. Indeed, my favorite 2023 records brought a smile to my tired face rather than feeding my wallowing tendencies. A comment from the recent Suffocation review expressed this sentiment best:

All things fall to ruin in this world, and that’s why we have death metal.

I’ll give thank-yous a shot, though they’ll inevitably be incomplete. Thank you to AMG for his fearless leadership, Madam X for her tireless work, Grier for his insults, Steel for his bourbon (and also his bourbon), Sentynel for keeping us alive, and Dear Hollow for doing all the writing. Thank you to the UK staff for tolerating my occasional visits, and to everyone who’s supported me through bouts of melodrama. And thank you to everyone who makes my world more musical: artists, comment-section banterers, fellow writers, friends who share music with me, kind people at shows, and more. I’ll be on board 70,000 Tons for the first time next month, and I’m excited to keep deepening my musical community.

Finally, thank you to Thus Spoke, my (list) partner in (vegan) crime. Her intense emotional connection to music bleeds through her words, inspiring me to listen more closely and write more goodly. Read her list first; you won’t regret it.

#ish. Ne Obliviscaris // Exul – Exul’s peaks show Ne Obliviscaris at the top of their divisive game. The band’s balance of beauty and brutality is as strong as ever, as the strings, clean guitars, and death metal riffs move in lockstep. Bassist Martino Garratoni’s hyperactive melodies round out Exul’s rich soundscape. It’s a pleasure to hear Ne Obliviscaris’ compositions unfold, ebbing and flowing among the band’s diverse strengths. Exul’s bloat is the only major splotch on an otherwise stellar record. Listen to Exul with an open mind; it’s easy to get clouded by the hype or the popular hatred. Exul offers a lot to love, and there isn’t much else like it.
[Pairing: Maison Ferrand (Ars, France), Citadelle Jardin d’Été Gin. This gin is easy to sneer at; it’s contemporary, a newcomer, and French. But give it a chance. You might find your mind wandering through a château garden in bloom.]

#10. Gorod // The Orb – I slept on The Orb at first because of its lackluster bass. After a decade of spectacular performances, bassist Benoit Claus inexplicably dialed back his wizardry after 2015’s A Maze of Recycled Creeds. Still, Gorod makes it work. The Orb’s unhinged harmonic leads showcase guitarists Pascal and Alberny at their finest. Meanwhile, the album’s energetic peaks and valleys give space for the drums to take the driver’s seat. Every moment of The Orb amps me up for the next moment, most notably on career highlight “Breeding Silence.” The Orb isn’t memorable enough to land near the top of Gorod’s formidable discography, but Gorod’s brand of hyper-technical death metal is still fun as hell.
[Pairing: Founders Brewing (Grand Rapids, MI), Porter – 6.5% ABV. Less rich than some of its Founders brethren (e.g. Breakfast Stout), but still a flavorful feast.]

#9. Altari // Kröflueldar – I don’t know what the hell this is, but I love it. Altari’s distinctive debut melds black metal and psychedelic rock. While those genre labels might provoke knee-jerk comparisons to Oranssi Pazuzu or A Forest of Stars, Altari’s sound is peerless. Stalwart rhythms ground you while swirling melodies emerge from nowhere to whisk you away, echoing Love’s Forever Changes and Jefferson Airplane’s Surrealistic Pillow. And yet, Kröflueldar’s blackened edge makes it a haunting experience. While Kröflueldar’s abrupt song endings have room for improvement, Altari’s hypnotic debut is a triumph. It might be tucked too far underground to turn many heads, but it’s well worth your time.
[Pairing: Brandy Soymilk Punch (made with Paul Masson VSOP Brandy). “What the hell is this? Why would I ever drink… Errr, why is my glass empty? Fill me up!”]

#8. Sodomisery // Mazzaroth – The melodic black metal resurgence of 2023 peaked with Sodomisery. Mazzaroth checks every box. Dissection-lite blackened death riffs collude with soaring Misturious melodies to lure you into the fray. The album’s clean sections and Sodomisery’s newfound symphonic elements add emotional depth without sounding generic. Mazzaroth’s strengths coalesce in its belt-along choruses, which maintain the album’s somber mood while still worming into your brain. Because Sodomisery executes every component so well, the record sounds fresh despite trodding well-trodden ground. Even Sodomisery’s less-than-ideal name inspired three of 2023’s most iconic comments. Mazzaroth has captured the hearts of old fans and newcomers alike, and the attention is well-deserved.
[Pairing: BrewDog (Ellon, UK), Drop D – Cascadian Dark Ale, 8.1% ABV. Perfectly balances hoppiness and roasty stout flavors, without reinventing any wheels.]

#7. Faithxtractor // Contempt for a Failed Dimension – While 2023 had no shortage of compelling no-frills death metal, the genre peaked in January with Faithxtractor. This is what you get when you cross faith unforgiving death metal with a tractor meticulous songwriting. Contempt for a Failed Dimension’s single-minded focus keeps it concise and fearsome across both its crushing slow sections and its frantic riff carnivals. Faithxtractor’s creativity elevates the album from “mere” fun to the top of its genre. Even at its most unhinged, Contempt for a Failed Dimension never trips over itself. Every riff inhabits its optimal location, and each one is essential to the final product. I’m not sure which dimension has failed—I hope it isn’t a spatial one—but I know Faithxtractor will punish it mightily.
[Pairing: Lagunitas Brewing (Petaluma, CA), IPA – 6.2% ABV. A familiar beer in a familiar style, but it always hits the spot. Sometimes that’s all you need.]

#6. Xoth // Exogalactic – Xoth’s brand of technical blackened death-thrash is a sci-fi spectacle. Exogalactic’s futuristic riffs, twisting melodies, and narrative arcs make it feel like reptilian aliens are indeed enslaving humans as gladiators like hordes of warriors are really battling for the galaxy. Hearing Xoth play Tetris with electrifying melodies of all shapes and sizes is thrilling. While the album’s peaks fall short of its predecessor, you’ll be belting out its colossal choruses in no time. Xoth’s style is unique, but it shares a strength with Archspire, First Fragment, and Jane Austen: you can hear Xoth grinning through their art. Every time I listen to Exogalactic, I can’t help but grin alongside.
[Pairing: Brouwerij Huyghe (Melle, Belgium), Delirium Tremens – Belgian Golden Strong Ale, 8.5% ABV. A paradox in a glass: strong and flavorful, but light-hearted and bright. It’ll put a smile on your face.]

#5. Raider // Trial by Chaos – Trial by Chaos is as dense as its cover art. Over 39 minutes of hectic death-thrash, Raider tells tales of dystopia, science fiction, and righteous defiance. Every element of Raider’s onslaught finds its mark. The guitars range from Floridian death metal steamrollers to three-piece melodic leads, nailing both styles. The thunderous rhythm section raises hell at climactic moments and stitches Trial by Chaos’ disparate pieces together. Most strikingly, Angelo Bonaccorso’s vocal variety imbues the music with emotional force and narrative structure. This is only Raider’s second full-length record, but its cohesion and show-stopping power make it best in class. Expect Raider to be a torchbearer for death-thrash in the years to come.
[Pairing: 3 Floyds Brewing (Munster, IN), Permanent Funeral – Imperial IPA, 10.5% ABV. Unforgiving in its strength, its hoppiness, and its intense flavor. Intimidating but irresistible.]

#4. Wayfarer // American Gothic – Seamlessly blending their Western aesthetic with black metal, Wayfarer transports the listener to the Western United States circa 1900. This is not a romanticized Magic School Bus trip; everything around you is greed, senseless violence, and environmental devastation.5 American Gothic’s emotional palette matches this landscape, leading through righteous anger (“The Cattle Thief”),6 longing (“To Enter My House Justified”), and hopelessness (“Black Plumes over God’s Country”). The album’s fantastic rhythm section and its rich production, both uncharacteristic strengths for black metal, allow Wayfarer’s diverse compositions to shine. Even though Wayfarer isn’t the only band playing this style, they’ve won my heart. Concise but powerful, American Gothic is the new American gothic.
[Pairing: Buffalo Trace Distillery (Frankfort, KY), Sazerac Rye. Accessible for the wallet and the palate, but with a fierce rye edge. A flavor bonanza and a perfect companion for an evening of reminiscences or regrets.]

#3. Hellripper // Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags – The “old Hellripper” is still alive and well, after two riotous slabs of blackened speed metal. The “new Hellripper” is no less formidable. Forays into death metal and old-school speed metal add flair around the edges. Meanwhile, Warlocks’ longer tracks leap out of Hellripper’s comfort zone while balancing melodic variety and narrative cohesion. Scottish folk influences add depth throughout the melodies, the lyrics rooted in Orkney mythology, and the unexpected bagpipes. With these forces combined, the record’s narrative pieces feel like captivating campfire tales rather than bedtime stories. And still, Warlocks’ speedy killers are the most fun I’ve had all year. Warlocks is both an exhilarating listen and a massive step forward for Hellripper’s songwriting.
[Pairing: St. George Spirits (Alameda, CA), Terroir Gin. The juniper-heavy palate will placate gin gatekeepers, while the Douglas fir and sage will transport open minds to a California coastal redwood forest. Classic, innovative, and delicious.]

#2. Onheil // In Black Ashes – In Black Ashes is melodic black/death/speed/thrash at its finest. But that description is both a little too much and much too little. The album’s irresistible speedy riffs alone deserve Grier’s 3.5. Onheil’s mastery of melody and songwriting elevates In Black Ashes into the stratosphere. Led by the indomitable “Void,” In Black Ashes’ powerful melodies offer catharsis like none other. As the album progresses, Onheil flexes their compositional muscles more, melding narrative meloblack epics with Mors Principium Est-adjacent bangers. Every track is a winner, and Onheil strikes an impossible balance between enthralling riffs and emotional heft. In Black Ashes deserves a lot more love.
[Pairing: Hayman’s Distillery (London, UK), Royal Dock Navy Strength Gin. This isn’t just another boring London gin; spices and citrus add a twist. Bottled at the 114 proof point where soaked gunpowder can still ignite, Royal Dock is fierce but shockingly smooth.]

#1. Theophonos // Nightmare Visions – Nightmare Visions throws everything at the wall, and everything sticks. I struggled to describe this album once, and it isn’t getting easier. Theophonos’ debut feels like a grind-paced tour through metal history, squeezed through a blackened filter. Armed with razor-sharp riffs, a vicious rhythm section, and a refusal to sit still, Theophonos’ dissonant style is both neck-shattering and evocative. The album’s density makes it a gripping experience, while Jimmy Hamzey’s (Serpent Column) masterful transitions hold the Jenga blocks together. Theophonos’ blood, sweat, and tears glisten through details like the inter-song callbacks and the blurring of frenzied black metal and serene rock. Ten months into our love affair, Nightmare Visions still reveals new facets on every listen. Even if blackened grind isn’t your home turf (trust me, it isn’t mine), give Nightmare Visions a shot. I’d never heard anything like it, but now I can’t stop listening.
[Pairing: Fifth Hammer Brewing (Queens, NY), POGlodyte – Sour Ale with Passionfruit, Blood Orange, and Guava, 5.5% ABV. The description is accurate but inadequate. Wilder than your wildest dreams, this sour is what you never realized your life needed. Rapture for every taste bud.]

Honorable Mentions:

• Night Crowned // Tales – Tales is a scorcher from cover to cover, blending ferocious blackened death melodies with clean and folky digressions. Night Crowned jostled their way up here at the last minute. Ask me in a few weeks, and I might regret not pushing Tales up to my top 10.
• Tomb Mold // The Enduring Spirit – Tomb Mold’s 57-degree turn into prog death lands close to Fallujah’s best work. With dueling guitar leads, riveting bass melodies, and groovy drum lines, The Enduring Spirit is gorgeous and engaging. With more oomph, it could’ve landed near the top of my list.
• Saturnus // The Storm Within – From its crushing death-doom riffs to its My Dying Bride-esque dirges, The Storm Within ripped my heart out. Saturnus’ decade-awaited return suffers from bloat, but it’s still one of 2023’s rare emotional juggernauts.
• Kalmah // Kalmah – Kalmah’s Kalmah sounds like Kalmah, in the best way. Firestorm riffs, massive climaxes, and prominent synths get the blood flowing. The slower morose sections hit just as hard, especially with their infectious choruses. Kalmah doesn’t break new ground, but it still holds me rapt.
• Reverend Kristin Michael Hayter // Saved! – Saved! is jarring, but Hayter’s spellbinding vocals and her cohesive compositions won me over. The album pantses my heart in its best moments, like “I Will Be with You Always.” The out-of-place shorter pieces and the record’s rocky start hold Saved! back, but it’s still worth a spin or ten.
• Serpent of Old // Ensemble under the Dark Sun – This one is tough to describe. Ensemble’s blackened death melodies, at once eerie and grabby, crept under my skin on my very first listen. Given how dense and thoughtful Ensemble is, I still can’t believe it’s Serpent of Old’s debut.

Disappointments o’ the Year:

• Myrkur // Spine – Pairing: Methanol. A close relative of excellence, but hazardous in its current form. So close, but so very far.
• The Ocean // Holocene – Pairing: Southwest Spirits (Dallas, TX), Calamity Gin. The heavy floral and citrusy botanicals make for an intriguing promo pitch. Given my history with similar styles, I had every expectation of loving this. Alas, reality was not so kind; I struggled to finish it.

Songs o’ the Year:

1. Onheil – “Void”
2. Enslaved – “Congelia”
3. Xoth – “Battlesphere”
4. Sermon – “Golden”
5. Gorod – “Breeding Silence”
6. Ne Obliviscaris – “Equus”
7. Insomnium – “1696”
8. Theophonos – “Of Days Past”
9. Raider – “Labyrinth”
10. Wayfarer – “The Cattle Thief”
11. Stortregn – “The Revelation”

#Ahab #Altari #Convocation #Dödheimsgard #DownfallOfGaia #DymnaLotva #Faithxtractor #FiresInTheDistance #Gorod #Hellripper #Kalmah #Lists #Listurnalia #Mānbryne #Myrkur #NeObliviscaris #NightCrowned #Nightmarer #Onheil #Panopticon #Raider #ReverendKristinMichaelHayter #Saturnus #SerpentOfOld #Sodomisery #Stortregn #Thantifaxath #TheCircle #TheOcean #Theophonos #ThusSpokeSAndMaddogSTopTenIshOf2023 #ToTheGrave #TombMold #Top10Ish_ #Voidsphere #Wayfarer #Xoth

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SATURNUS To Release The Storm Within Album In June; "The Calling" Music Video Posted
Danish doom metallers, Saturnus, will release their new album, The Storm Within, on June 16 via Prophecy Productions. Pre-order the album here, and watch a video for the first single, "The Calling", below. The title of Saturnus' fifth album, The Storm Within, is ...

https://bravewords.com/news/saturnus-to-release-the-storm-within-album-in-june-the-calling-music-video-posted

#Saturnus #TheStormWithin #MusicVideo #JuneRelease #Bravewords #MetalMusic

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#BraveWords
SATURNUS To Release The Storm Within Album In June; "The Calling" Music Video Posted
Danish doom metallers, Saturnus, will release their new album, The Storm Within, on June 16 via Prophecy Productions. Pre-order the album here, and watch a video for the first single, "The Calling", below. The title of Saturnus' fifth album, The Storm Within, is ...

https://bravewords.com/news/saturnus-to-release-the-storm-within-album-in-june-the-calling-music-video-posted

#Saturnus #TheStormWithin #MusicVideo #JuneRelease #Bravewords #MetalMusic

Gisteren voor het eerst eens een serieuze poging met de #telescoop gedaan. #Jupiter in beeld met zelfs een klein beetje zichtbaar wat banden op het bolletje. #Saturnus minder goed maar wel met duidelijk zichtbaar de ringen.