#satirical — Public Fediverse posts

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

Where is My Wife? Great Books That Never Were 🥧

Where is Life is a 1944 thing by smarty pants physicist genius Erwin Schrödinger. It’s a solid book we’d give it 3/5 on Goodreads and then get criticised in replies for being stupid (or something).

Anyway, we much prefer the deeply autobiographical book Where is My Wife? by Derek Smith from Preston of Lancashire. It’s a story of how he and his missus went to the Fishergate Shopping Centre in Preston, got lost, and spent an infuriating 17 minutes trying to find each other again.

Getting Lost at the Mall in Where is My Wife?

In Schrödinger’s similarly titled work, he explained how organisms differ from inanimate objects, during which he opines over the “paragon of orderliness” and what this may mean for life on Earth.

Derek Smith, meanwhile, opines over his lost wife after he headed to Greggs for a pork pie and bottle of coke. In the moving introduction, written in 1999 (one year after the publication of the work, two years after the specific incident in question), he states:

“Went to Greggs. Standard. Done that a lot in my life, born and bred in Lancashire, but never in my former ’80s mullet did I think I’d lose me bleedin’ wife at the Fishergate Shopping Centre, home to some of the best deals in all of Lancashire. Except on that dark, dark day. Bad times was had.”

The book is some 400 pages of rambling about this misadventure. Smith makes it very clear it was not his fault and, indeed, could never be his fault as his sense of direction is superb:

“Me sense of direction is superb. Second to none. So I don’t see how I could get lost in Fishergate, it’s not like it’s the bleedin’ Trafford Centre now, is it? I call foul play!”

That’s in the opening chapter. Subsequent chapters go on to explain the myriad reasons why none of this could ever be Derek’s fault. He blames:

• Communism
• Immigrants
• Socialism
• Marxism
• The lack of available maps in the shopping centre
• The lack of a customer service desk in the shopping centre
• The lack of a personal assistant
• His wife’s stupidity
• His wife’s lack of direction
• His wife
• The wife

The final 100 pages of the work are an angry rant about his wife’s “dismal” sense of direction. The book abruptly ends with a torrent of swear words and typos, suggesting Mr. Smith was drunk on beer as he concluding what he dubs his “masterpiece”.

The Rebuttal: The Wife Responds With a Podcast Series and Film

Derek Smith’s wife, Diane, responded to her husbands book belatedly. In 2020, she began a podcast series called Why My Ex-Husband is a Tosser (the couple divorced in 2018). Consisting of 10 minute episodes, Diane lists out everything she detests about her husband.

In 2022, the podcast was adapted into a film of the same name starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Derek and Davina McCall as Diane. The low-budget production was a box office failure and amassed only £32,000 at the global box office. Schwarzenegger called it the “greatest embarrassment” of his career.

Diane Smith later confirmed she regretted the podcast series, film, and had avoided the Fishergate Shopping Centre for over 25 years since the incident. She now only shops in Lidl.

Where is My Wife? Great Books That Never Were 🥧

Where is Life is a 1944 thing by smarty pants physicist genius Erwin Schrödinger. It’s a solid book we’d give it 3/5 on Goodreads and then get criticised in replies for being stupid (or something).

Anyway, we much prefer the deeply autobiographical book Where is My Wife? by Derek Smith from Preston of Lancashire. It’s a story of how he and his missus went to the Fishergate Shopping Centre in Preston, got lost, and spent an infuriating 17 minutes trying to find each other again.

Getting Lost at the Mall in Where is My Wife?

In Schrödinger’s similarly titled work, he explained how organisms differ from inanimate objects, during which he opines over the “paragon of orderliness” and what this may mean for life on Earth.

Derek Smith, meanwhile, opines over his lost wife after he headed to Greggs for a pork pie and bottle of coke. In the moving introduction, written in 1999 (one year after the publication of the work, two years after the specific incident in question), he states:

“Went to Greggs. Standard. Done that a lot in my life, born and bred in Lancashire, but never in my former ’80s mullet did I think I’d lose me bleedin’ wife at the Fishergate Shopping Centre, home to some of the best deals in all of Lancashire. Except on that dark, dark day. Bad times was had.”

The book is some 400 pages of rambling about this misadventure. Smith makes it very clear it was not his fault and, indeed, could never be his fault as his sense of direction is superb:

“Me sense of direction is superb. Second to none. So I don’t see how I could get lost in Fishergate, it’s not like it’s the bleedin’ Trafford Centre now, is it? I call foul play!”

That’s in the opening chapter. Subsequent chapters go on to explain the myriad reasons why none of this could ever be Derek’s fault. He blames:

• Communism
• Immigrants
• Socialism
• Marxism
• The lack of available maps in the shopping centre
• The lack of a customer service desk in the shopping centre
• The lack of a personal assistant
• His wife’s stupidity
• His wife’s lack of direction
• His wife
• The wife

The final 100 pages of the work are an angry rant about his wife’s “dismal” sense of direction. The book abruptly ends with a torrent of swear words and typos, suggesting Mr. Smith was drunk on beer as he concluding what he dubs his “masterpiece”.

The Rebuttal: The Wife Responds With a Podcast Series and Film

Derek Smith’s wife, Diane, responded to her husbands book belatedly. In 2020, she began a podcast series called Why My Ex-Husband is a Tosser (the couple divorced in 2018). Consisting of 10 minute episodes, Diane lists out everything she detests about her husband.

In 2022, the podcast was adapted into a film of the same name starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Derek and Davina McCall as Diane. The low-budget production was a box office failure and amassed only £32,000 at the global box office. Schwarzenegger called it the “greatest embarrassment” of his career.

Diane Smith later confirmed she regretted the podcast series, film, and had avoided the Fishergate Shopping Centre for over 25 years since the incident. She now only shops in Lidl.

Where is My Wife? Great Books That Never Were 🥧

Where is Life is a 1944 thing by smarty pants physicist genius Erwin Schrödinger. It’s a solid book we’d give it 3/5 on Goodreads and then get criticised in replies for being stupid (or something).

Anyway, we much prefer the deeply autobiographical book Where is My Wife? by Derek Smith from Preston of Lancashire. It’s a story of how he and his missus went to the Fishergate Shopping Centre in Preston, got lost, and spent an infuriating 17 minutes trying to find each other again.

Getting Lost at the Mall in Where is My Wife?

In Schrödinger’s similarly titled work, he explained how organisms differ from inanimate objects, during which he opines over the “paragon of orderliness” and what this may mean for life on Earth.

Derek Smith, meanwhile, opines over his lost wife after he headed to Greggs for a pork pie and bottle of coke. In the moving introduction, written in 1999 (one year after the publication of the work, two years after the specific incident in question), he states:

“Went to Greggs. Standard. Done that a lot in my life, born and bred in Lancashire, but never in my former ’80s mullet did I think I’d lose me bleedin’ wife at the Fishergate Shopping Centre, home to some of the best deals in all of Lancashire. Except on that dark, dark day. Bad times was had.”

The book is some 400 pages of rambling about this misadventure. Smith makes it very clear it was not his fault and, indeed, could never be his fault as his sense of direction is superb:

“Me sense of direction is superb. Second to none. So I don’t see how I could get lost in Fishergate, it’s not like it’s the bleedin’ Trafford Centre now, is it? I call foul play!”

That’s in the opening chapter. Subsequent chapters go on to explain the myriad reasons why none of this could ever be Derek’s fault. He blames:

• Communism
• Immigrants
• Socialism
• Marxism
• The lack of available maps in the shopping centre
• The lack of a customer service desk in the shopping centre
• The lack of a personal assistant
• His wife’s stupidity
• His wife’s lack of direction
• His wife
• The wife

The final 100 pages of the work are an angry rant about his wife’s “dismal” sense of direction. The book abruptly ends with a torrent of swear words and typos, suggesting Mr. Smith was drunk on beer as he concluding what he dubs his “masterpiece”.

The Rebuttal: The Wife Responds With a Podcast Series and Film

Derek Smith’s wife, Diane, responded to her husbands book belatedly. In 2020, she began a podcast series called Why My Ex-Husband is a Tosser (the couple divorced in 2018). Consisting of 10 minute episodes, Diane lists out everything she detests about her husband.

In 2022, the podcast was adapted into a film of the same name starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Derek and Davina McCall as Diane. The low-budget production was a box office failure and amassed only £32,000 at the global box office. Schwarzenegger called it the “greatest embarrassment” of his career.

Diane Smith later confirmed she regretted the podcast series, film, and had avoided the Fishergate Shopping Centre for over 25 years since the incident. She now only shops in Lidl.