#satirical — Public Fediverse posts

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Little Prance: Great Books That Never Were 🕺🩰💃

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) is a famous French novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It published in 1943. But did you know The Little Prance also published in 1983, by sheer coincidance (pun intended) as a moving novella about friendship, prancing, and hellish death during wartime.

Today, we’re here to celebrate the oft-forgotten work. It sold poorly upon launch, continues to sell poorly to this day, but for prancing enthusiasts such as ourselves it’s a great undiscovered masterpiece.

The Joys of Letting it All Hang Out in The Little Prance

“Then he pranced. He pranced like he’d never pranced before and, lo, there was much prancing amongst the prance enthusiasts.”

The work was written by noted pseudoscientist Dr. John Doctorson, noted for his extreme views on tennis elbow and athlete’s foot (the latter of which he “cured” through rampant amputations). In 1990, he noted in a rare interview he wrote the book as a:

“Love letter to exaggerated movements.”

The Little Prance is a bit like the film Billy Elliot (2000), but not at all as it’s set in Victorian era England 1879 and follows the exploits of the young man Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III and his life in an upper class English family.

To the DISGUST of his mother Ingrid, Charlie befriends a working-class scumbag from a neighbouring town called Derek. The two bond over the popular pastime of prancing about the place, all whilst the mother rages about it big time:

“I cannot abide how you could besmirch the name of our family by proliferating your being around such a disgraceful specimen! Charles Twistleton Montgomery III!! Are you listening to me?!? Your fatuous friend, Derek… his family do not even own but ONE acre of land! You have brought great shame on our family to associate with such pustules of society!”

Regardless, Charlie disobeys his mother in secret. Spending many hours, days, weeks, and months together, by their teenage years they’re set to compete in The National Prancing Championships and are eager to see each other do well.

Alas, Charlie’s mother Ingrid doesn’t like the possibility of Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III losing to the various lower class plebs in the competition. Thus, she deigns it so to sabotage leading contestants and shatter their dreams through:

• Leg breaking
• Poisoning
• Blackmail
• Nasty glares
• Enforced volunteering into the Anglo-Zulu War

After Ingrid threatens Derek’s mother with a monocle, Derek is sent off to the Zulu War, thus removing her son’s lead competitor from the contest.

However, when Charlie discovers what has happened, in DISGUST he quits the competition, signs up to the Anglo-Zulu War, and meets Derek out on the front. There, as arrows and spears rain down from all around them, the duo prance about the place in joyous unison.

The end.

A most moving tale indeed, although it is disappointing there aren’t more swear words across the 250 pages. Would it have killed the author to drop a few “bastards” or something? So, one mark off for that, otherwise this is a solid 4/5 from us and well worth a go.

The Long-Forgotten Sequel: The Little Prances

As we closed for press, it came to our attention of a 1985 sequel called The Little Prances. This one is set during the inaugural Eurovision Song Contest on May 24th 1956.

Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery III’s great grandson Charles “Charlie” Twistleton Montgomery IIII is continuing the family tradition by prancing for a career.

Held in Lugano, Switzerland, his song is titled Prance and involves a variety of piano, French horns, and his own prance solo. The 500 page novel explores the build-up to the event, his extensive training, and his personal disappointments after receiving 0 points for his performance.

To be honest, we though it was crap. Read the first one instead.

The Gin Gym: Work Out & Get Wasted 🍸💪🍹 [Sponsored Post]

Do you want to get fit AND be drunk? Then the Gin Gym located off the big roundabout (you know the one) in Preston city centre is the place to go!

Because sweating it out, one drunken blackout at a time, is a CLINICALLY PROVEN (please note, it is not clinically proven) way to get pub body ready.

💪🍸 Gin Gym: Sweat it Out, One Blackout at a Time 🍸💪

Going to the gym and getting wasted is the ultimate biohack, the best of both worlds, and it’s guaranteed to leave you hydrated, dehydrated, and mentally unstable.

Think wellness and rock hard abs is about alkaline water and raw organic kale? Bullshit! Lies! Corruption!

The path to a body of an Adonis is through the ancient science of what we call Anaesthetic Hyper-Training. BECAUSE WHY DO WEAKLINGS FAIL? Pain. That’s why. But when you’re pissed senseless on gin, you won’t be able to tell your body is crying out in agony after your 130th bench press.

Sign up today for £200 a week and train 24/7. That’s because the gym is open 24/7. Yes, you can get drunk and work out whenever you want! Or, join one of our tailored drunken sessions to get you flabby arse in order.

If you sign up today, you’ll get a COMPLETELY FREE pint of gin. Sign up tomorrow and you’ll get a PINT of gin in a HALF PINT glass. Sign up next week and you get sod all.

Gin Gym Class Schedule

We offer daily classes for dedicated alcoholics and other hopeless losers leading aimless lives. These sessions ensure total drunkenness, but also allow you to keep somewhat toned belly flab so as to impress members of the opposite sex.

Sessions start from 6am, include mandatory gym drinking, and last until 8pm (if you’re still conscious, you’ll get a free pint of water to rehydrate yourself):

• 6am – High Intensity Training Liver Power Hour
• 8am – Dance Cardio and Vomiting
• 12am – Slurred Speech Circuit Training
• 3pm – Afternoon Nap
• 5pm – Swimming Lessons (in a 90% gin pool with 10% chlorine)
• 7pm – Drunken Brawl
• 8pm – Sessions Close (Bar Opens)

By 8pm, you’ll have consumed around three pints of gin. Once the bar opens at 8pm, you can then party the night away until you either die from alcohol poisoning or get rushed to hospital to have your stomach pumped.

Gin Gym Special: Chat Up Line Workouts

Our experienced, expert alcoholic gym instructors are also speciality trained in cringeworthy chat up lines. Please note, these have been tried and tested and may (or may not) result in a slap to the face:

• “Are you a Gin & Tonic? Because I like them, and if you are one, that means I like you, too, babe.”
• “Is it hot in here or are we about to cause a localised distillery explosion?”
• “This may just be the gin talking, but one look at you and I think I’m going to have liver failure.”
• “Are you a Sloe gin? Because you look like a terrible decision it’ll take 72 hours to recover from.”
• “You look like a Navy Strength 57% ABV gin. In a good way!”
• “Do you believe in love at first sight, or am I just pissed on gin again?”

Head out into wider society armed with these bad boys, you’ll be sure to pull a 10/10 banger before you can say, “I have consumed far too much gin this fine day”.