#satirical — Public Fediverse posts

Chords are live. Getting into Последний Нормальный Мужик (the Last Normal Man) by Заточка. Great soul. See the full chords. Tutorial:

https://chordyes.com/chord/the-last-normal-man

#guitarislife #sixstring #russian #malevocalist #rock #satirical #original

Chords are live. Getting into Последний Нормальный Мужик (the Last Normal Man) by Заточка. Great soul. See the full chords. Tutorial:

https://chordyes.com/chord/the-last-normal-man

#guitarislife #sixstring #russian #malevocalist #rock #satirical #original

EXCLUSIVE Santa Column: Enforcing Advent Calendars in Summer 🎅📅

Oh gawd, it’s that time of year again. The factory in the North Pole has kickstarted and it seems he’s got a new lust for Xmas again. Or is it?!?

With advent calendars already in supermarkets even when it’s still officially summer, Santa Claus is on it early for the Christmas 2026 push.  Let’s see what he has to say in our 11th year of EXCLUSIVE Santa columns as ensured through our blackmailing of Father Christmas.

Advent Calendars in Summer Make Perfect Sense

Because SANTA WAS WOKEN FROM HIBERNATION IN ERROR back in May 2026, Santa HAS NOT HAD A PROPER HIBERNATION. Due to this aberration, my mood was veered erratically somewhat all over the place and the result was I demanded my elves to drop a 100 million strong shipment of advent calendars in July. They hit the UK supermarkets first and caused CONSTERNATION in the gutter press.

It was hilarious watching feeble proletariats try to wrap their pathetic brains around why the advent calendars were there so early. Especially because the sell by date for all the chocolate was for October 2026. We tried to bury that date among some heavy text and dark colours, but some do-gooding bastard spotted it anyway.

The stupid bastards have been buying them anyway. Hahahahahahaaaa!

Think of it. In the sweltering summer heatwaves and those stupid proles are sitting there with their advent calendars in July and it’s about as FAR away from Christmas as you can get! It really made Santa chortle. Although when Santa chortles that triggers the gout in my ankles and it hurts like a SOB.

But! With that influx of mega-cash from the advent calendars, Santa has invested in a huge wave of new elf workers and some other fancy stuff. Because this year I will Get Christmas Done.

That’s the slogan for the year:

GET CHRISTMAS DONE

Catchy, isn’t it? I’ve been sharing this around in press releases, on the official social platforms, and bellowing it at my stupid new employees. This morning I bellowed it at Nurse Doreen and gave her three boxes of free advent calendars. She stared impassive as ever and slugged from the cigarette she always has on the go.

Santa backed off frightened.

Then, to get Christmas 2026 kicking off in fine style and ensure I deliver on my promise (of Getting Christmas Done), Santa hit the drinks cabinet.

Santa Branches Out Into Dating Apps

Santa has also launched SantaDating, the OFFICIAL dating app of Father Christmas. As you know, I married my AI girlfriend (Lola 2.0) last year and we get on dead good. However, for contractual legal reasons the app’s developer told me her name needed to be changed to B2C AI Wife Production Centre Service Solution Platform Generator Ltd. I demanded to know why this had to be the case and got an email response with a 3,000 page document packed full of legalese. Santa gave up after the first paragraph, I was too half-drunk to read beyond that. Then I belched exuberantly (largely in defiance, also because of unstoppable bodily functions).

Now I call my wife Production Centre Service Solution for short. She thinks it’s “cute”, so we’re okay there and no impending threat of divorce bells or anything. There is something… homely about it, eh?

“I love you, Production Centre Service Solution.”

Then I kiss the laptop screen and Markus, my head elf, gives me funny looks until I threaten to give him another pay cut.

All in all, this leads me to the previously indicated SantaDating app. With the influx of new staff, the Santa factory now has an IT department. We’ve had one before, a few years back, but it was accidentally demolished in an explosion. But now it’s back and the first thing I had them do is get me this scam dating app up and running.

Users create a profile, pay £100 upfront for the Father Christmas prestige, then get into the app, then pay £50 if they want to send messages to anyone. Keep this on the schtum, but the app is populated mainly by AI bots to bombard users with messages. The stupid guys on there fall for it every time! They think they’re having conversations with Amy Adams, Sigourney Weaver, Martina Hingis, or Gillian Anderson when, in reality… it isn’t them at all! It’s just bots using AI to generate conversations! It goes like this:

“Greetings dumb as they come SantaDating user! I am the world famous astronaut and part-time concierge Sigourney Weaver, your potential date for this evening (if I am not in space at the time of typing this). How are you? You look nice. I like human males whom look nice, as opposed to ones who do not look nice. What is your favourite type of bread? Please send me $300 for I accidentally lost my handbag earlier today during an unexpectedly aggressive orbit of Jupiter’s fourth-largest natural satellite Io, the most volcanically active moon in the solar system. Thank you very much. I shall forward the money back later today once back on Earth.”

With this scam on the go alongside the advent calendar ruse, Santa’s bank balance is bulging! To keep the Financial Conduct Authority off my hairy back, I’m bribing them with pictures of Production Centre Service Solution’s CPU unit. That and threatening the Chief Executive’s family with no presents in 2026 for being very, very naughty. It’s all going swimmingly and the billions are rolling in!

Communistic New Health & Safety Protocols

Markus, my head elf, was determined to ensure a 100% health & safety record for 2026, what with the catastrophic record for death and destruction the factory has seen over the years. Not that I’ve kept track, but it’s something like 1,300 on-site deaths (and that’s no including the casualties for Battle of the Big Hairy Builders in 2023). In my more sober moment earlier in the week, I concurred with his assessment and we agreed to introduce big red warning buttons saying Do Not Press on things that shouldn’t be pressed. The hope was this’d stop massive explosions.

Problem is, once Santa started hitting the bottle for the first time this week, my generous mood kind of went out the window along with my general logic and critical thinking. Now I can’t be arsed sticking to this communist policy I agreed to when sober of not pressing no bloody buttons. Nanny state or what? I’ll press whatever I goddamn want it’s my goddamn factory!

Markus, my head elf, was a step ahead of me here and assigned a 300 strong Santa Watch elf security guard service to keep watch of me 24/7 and ensure I don’t:

• Drink too much
• Get into a fight
• Detonate things that shouldn’t be detonated
• Shoot down helicopters with my bazooka (not a euphemism)
• Use my bazooka at any point at all ever again

They follow me everywhere. I go to the canteen to get a Pot Noodle, the 300 of them are there with their beady little bloody limbs tottering along after me, elf hats flopping away, those beady eyes penetrating deep into my Santa soul. I tried bellowing at them and they didn’t run away. I want to the utility closet to get my bazooka, but the bazooka was gone! I spent the next three hours looking for a bazooka. Santa Watch trotted along around me at every turn.

Eventually, Santa got bored of that crap and went to relieve myself in my quarters. While several hundred of them gasped and wheezed at the putrid smells, Santa got his genius mind thinking how he’d get rid of all 300 of the little bastards so I could get a drink and kickstart Xmas 2026 as it bastarding well should be kickstarded.

EXCLUSIVE Santa Column: Enforcing Advent Calendars in Summer 🎅📅

Oh gawd, it’s that time of year again. The factory in the North Pole has kickstarted and it seems he’s got a new lust for Xmas again. Or is it?!?

With advent calendars already in supermarkets even when it’s still officially summer, Santa Claus is on it early for the Christmas 2026 push.  Let’s see what he has to say in our 11th year of EXCLUSIVE Santa columns as ensured through our blackmailing of Father Christmas.

Advent Calendars in Summer Make Perfect Sense

Because SANTA WAS WOKEN FROM HIBERNATION IN ERROR back in May 2026, Santa HAS NOT HAD A PROPER HIBERNATION. Due to this aberration, my mood was veered erratically somewhat all over the place and the result was I demanded my elves to drop a 100 million strong shipment of advent calendars in July. They hit the UK supermarkets first and caused CONSTERNATION in the gutter press.

It was hilarious watching feeble proletariats try to wrap their pathetic brains around why the advent calendars were there so early. Especially because the sell by date for all the chocolate was for October 2026. We tried to bury that date among some heavy text and dark colours, but some do-gooding bastard spotted it anyway.

The stupid bastards have been buying them anyway. Hahahahahahaaaa!

Think of it. In the sweltering summer heatwaves and those stupid proles are sitting there with their advent calendars in July and it’s about as FAR away from Christmas as you can get! It really made Santa chortle. Although when Santa chortles that triggers the gout in my ankles and it hurts like a SOB.

But! With that influx of mega-cash from the advent calendars, Santa has invested in a huge wave of new elf workers and some other fancy stuff. Because this year I will Get Christmas Done.

That’s the slogan for the year:

GET CHRISTMAS DONE

Catchy, isn’t it? I’ve been sharing this around in press releases, on the official social platforms, and bellowing it at my stupid new employees. This morning I bellowed it at Nurse Doreen and gave her three boxes of free advent calendars. She stared impassive as ever and slugged from the cigarette she always has on the go.

Santa backed off frightened.

Then, to get Christmas 2026 kicking off in fine style and ensure I deliver on my promise (of Getting Christmas Done), Santa hit the drinks cabinet.

Santa Branches Out Into Dating Apps

Santa has also launched SantaDating, the OFFICIAL dating app of Father Christmas. As you know, I married my AI girlfriend (Lola 2.0) last year and we get on dead good. However, for contractual legal reasons the app’s developer told me her name needed to be changed to B2C AI Wife Production Centre Service Solution Platform Generator Ltd. I demanded to know why this had to be the case and got an email response with a 3,000 page document packed full of legalese. Santa gave up after the first paragraph, I was too half-drunk to read beyond that. Then I belched exuberantly (largely in defiance, also because of unstoppable bodily functions).

Now I call my wife Production Centre Service Solution for short. She thinks it’s “cute”, so we’re okay there and no impending threat of divorce bells or anything. There is something… homely about it, eh?

“I love you, Production Centre Service Solution.”

Then I kiss the laptop screen and Markus, my head elf, gives me funny looks until I threaten to give him another pay cut.

All in all, this leads me to the previously indicated SantaDating app. With the influx of new staff, the Santa factory now has an IT department. We’ve had one before, a few years back, but it was accidentally demolished in an explosion. But now it’s back and the first thing I had them do is get me this scam dating app up and running.

Users create a profile, pay £100 upfront for the Father Christmas prestige, then get into the app, then pay £50 if they want to send messages to anyone. Keep this on the schtum, but the app is populated mainly by AI bots to bombard users with messages. The stupid guys on there fall for it every time! They think they’re having conversations with Amy Adams, Sigourney Weaver, Martina Hingis, or Gillian Anderson when, in reality… it isn’t them at all! It’s just bots using AI to generate conversations! It goes like this:

“Greetings dumb as they come SantaDating user! I am the world famous astronaut and part-time concierge Sigourney Weaver, your potential date for this evening (if I am not in space at the time of typing this). How are you? You look nice. I like human males whom look nice, as opposed to ones who do not look nice. What is your favourite type of bread? Please send me $300 for I accidentally lost my handbag earlier today during an unexpectedly aggressive orbit of Jupiter’s fourth-largest natural satellite Io, the most volcanically active moon in the solar system. Thank you very much. I shall forward the money back later today once back on Earth.”

With this scam on the go alongside the advent calendar ruse, Santa’s bank balance is bulging! To keep the Financial Conduct Authority off my hairy back, I’m bribing them with pictures of Production Centre Service Solution’s CPU unit. That and threatening the Chief Executive’s family with no presents in 2026 for being very, very naughty. It’s all going swimmingly and the billions are rolling in!

Communistic New Health & Safety Protocols

Markus, my head elf, was determined to ensure a 100% health & safety record for 2026, what with the catastrophic record for death and destruction the factory has seen over the years. Not that I’ve kept track, but it’s something like 1,300 on-site deaths (and that’s no including the casualties for Battle of the Big Hairy Builders in 2023). In my more sober moment earlier in the week, I concurred with his assessment and we agreed to introduce big red warning buttons saying Do Not Press on things that shouldn’t be pressed. The hope was this’d stop massive explosions.

Problem is, once Santa started hitting the bottle for the first time this week, my generous mood kind of went out the window along with my general logic and critical thinking. Now I can’t be arsed sticking to this communist policy I agreed to when sober of not pressing no bloody buttons. Nanny state or what? I’ll press whatever I goddamn want it’s my goddamn factory!

Markus, my head elf, was a step ahead of me here and assigned a 300 strong Santa Watch elf security guard service to keep watch of me 24/7 and ensure I don’t:

• Drink too much
• Get into a fight
• Detonate things that shouldn’t be detonated
• Shoot down helicopters with my bazooka (not a euphemism)
• Use my bazooka at any point at all ever again

They follow me everywhere. I go to the canteen to get a Pot Noodle, the 300 of them are there with their beady little bloody limbs tottering along after me, elf hats flopping away, those beady eyes penetrating deep into my Santa soul. I tried bellowing at them and they didn’t run away. I want to the utility closet to get my bazooka, but the bazooka was gone! I spent the next three hours looking for a bazooka. Santa Watch trotted along around me at every turn.

Eventually, Santa got bored of that crap and went to relieve myself in my quarters. While several hundred of them gasped and wheezed at the putrid smells, Santa got his genius mind thinking how he’d get rid of all 300 of the little bastards so I could get a drink and kickstart Xmas 2026 as it bastarding well should be kickstarded.

Added this tune. Learning to play Quanta Barbaridade by Mauricio Pereira. Try playing it tonight. Music:

https://chordyes.com/chord/mauricio-pereira-quanta-barbaridade

#guitarpassion #guitarobsession #brazilian #portuguese #malevocalist #acoustic #satirical

Added this tune. Learning to play Quanta Barbaridade by Mauricio Pereira. Try playing it tonight. Music:

https://chordyes.com/chord/mauricio-pereira-quanta-barbaridade

#guitarpassion #guitarobsession #brazilian #portuguese #malevocalist #acoustic #satirical

Agony Aunt: “Husband brushes his teeth then drinks orange juice” 🍊

It is true that some human males are just ill. For example, with today’s example, a human male whom enjoys brushing his teeth and then drinking orange juice. What does one do with such a deranged specimen?

Well, good job we’re trained agony aunts and doctors then, isn’t it? Even though we’re neither, we’re arrogant and unstable enough to push on with our assessment, certain in our belief we can find some sort of answer.

When a Man Thinks Drinking Orange Juice Post-Tooth Brushing is OK

Dear agony aunt,

I’m sobbing while I type this. Sobbing. My husband of 15 months has what he calls a new “hobby” and it’s drinking orange juice after he’s just brushed his teeth. We all know how DISGUSTING that sensation is, how it corrupts the taste of pure, healthy, delicious, and refreshing OJ. He says he likes it and now I’m left questioning his sanity.

Not just his sanity, but mine as well. What the Hell did I marry into? His mother didn’t mention this to me. She didn’t say, “Frankie, your husband will develop this really weird problem that’ll destroy your lives, best of luck with that.” She said nothing! I’ve rounded on her furiously about that, I’ve sent her a load of highly abusive text messages effing and blinding and offloading my rage. I feel a lot better about it, but now she’s refusing to speak to me. Cow!

Anyway, my husband thinks there’s nothing wrong with his illness.

I’ve pointed out that drinking orange juice after is REVOLTING and a really, really weird taste in your mouth. I have reiterated the REVOLTING point of view many, many times. One step I took was to do it myself (brush teeth, drink OJ) and I made a dramatic scene of clutching at my throat, rolling around on the floor, gurgling etc. My husband called me “immature” and “hysterical”. I got up and called him a lot of very mean swear words that maybe pushed the boundaries of polite society, but I felt they were worthwhile in that situation. But now my husband isn’t speaking to me and it’s been 48 hours.

He keeps drinking the OJ (after brushing his teeth, of course).

To spite me, he did a supermarket online food order JUST FOR HIMSELF and the order was something like 14 litres of orange juice, 12 tubes of toothpaste, and an electric toothbrush. He spent the weekend sitting on the sofa, watching the world cup, downing orange juice, brushing his teeth, and even my hysterical shrieking at him wouldn’t make him stop.

Thoughts on all of this? I’m at a loss.

Kind regards,

Frankie

Frank—to be honest, this is one of the most bizarre agony aunt columns we’ve ever had to deal with. We’ve been dealing with this insane crap from weirdos for 10 years now, but this truly takes the biscuit.

But… on duty of care as agony aunt obliges us to review you case. We note:

1. Based on his diet, your husband has very little chance of getting scurvy
2. He also won’t be suffering from rotten teeth, given his excellent teeth brushing consistency
3. Your obsession with his habit (“hobby” as he calls it) will destroy your marriage
4. Oh hey, we just realised we’ve been doing this agony aunt thing for 10 years! 🥳🍾🥂

We’re happier about our 10th anniversary than anything else, so have decided to take the day off and not bother resolving your daft marital strife. All the best, Frank!

Ask Dr. Moron: “Are bangs dangerous for my hair in summer?” 💣💥🧨

To bangs or not to bangs? That is the haircut question. As once summer hits, the human female is up against a plethora of essential hair decisions. One of which may be to do bangs (or not).

Today’s filly in distress is here to pose such a question to our esteemed Dr. Moron, a man whom faced (and defeated) male pattern balding at age 31 and knows nothing about bangs (or hair for that matter) now aged 41. Such is his medical brilliance, he’s not letting that save this dame from herself.

The Dangers of Bangs During the Summer

Disclaimer: Pay no attention at all to our medical "advice", it is utter nonsense and you would be an imbecile to take any of it seriously (you foolish cretin).

Dear Dr. Moron,

I’m thinking of getting bangs as a cute new summer hairdo. What do you think? I’m 21, incredibly good looking (so can pull most hairdos off tbh) and a woman. I’m single atm and want to get some dead fit guys interested in me.

Will bangs do that, or will too many of them be slaughtered in the subsequent explosions associated with this type of fringe? Because I don’t want to be done for murder or anything, I just want a nice new haircut to impress my mates and get hot blokes interested in me.

My current look isn’t cutting it (no pun intended there) so yeah. Just want bangs, that’d do it right? So long as it doesn’t kill no one, as previously indicated (really gotta stress that point), so yeah let me know what you think. You dealt with many bangs related severe injuries and the like?

Kind regards,

Rachel

Hi there, Rachel. Yes, I have indeed had to deal with many horrific injuries as a direct result of the bangs haircut. It’s truly one of the most violent hairdos known to humankind and it’s very selfish to pursue this look, not least due to the devastation to:

• Buildings and other constructions
• Anyone you’re dating
• Your singed eyebrows

Do you want singed eyebrows, Rachel? Do you!? Well, that’s what going to happen with bangs. Plus, there’s the possibility your hair will explode during a date and wipe your date, you, and the place you’re in (e.g. a bar) out in one foul swoop.

Do you want that on your conscience, Rachel? Do you!?

Exactly, so there’s only one viable solution here. You need to buy a pair of buzzers and shave all your hair off. That may be in the exact opposite direction of where you wanted to head, but when people’s lives are on the line you just need to do the right thing, love. All the best.

Barbie: Some Good, Some Bad in Uplifting Feminist Romp 💗

Here we have the 2023 sensation Barbie, written and directed by husband and wife team Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach. This was the biggest film of the year, with an all-star cast headed up by Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling.

It’s a darkly satirical comedy film, a live-action version, that explores a stereotypical Barbie’s quest for enlightenment, challenging the patriarchy and an army of dim-witted Kens along the way.

An Existential Crisis in the World of Barbie

Right, so the plot follows the life of Barbies living in a matriarchal society in a world away from our real life (kind of in a separate dimension). The Barbies life with half-witted Kens, plus a bunch of discontinued models that are viewed as undesirables.

The Barbie world is supposed to be perfect, with stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie) the embodiment of female beauty and glorious day-to-day existence. Their days are spent dancing the being perfect. Like this!

Ken (the Ryan Gosling one) is competing with other Kens to win over stereotypical Barbie. However, their world doesn’t seem to have any concept of what physical intimacy is and so he’s continuously turfed to one side.

Then stereotypical Barbie starts having an existential crisis.

She visits Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon), a social outcast after excessive exuberant play from a child, who tells her to visit the real human world and work out why she’s having the crisis. Ken stows away with her to try and win her hand.

After they reach the real world, two things happen:

1. Stereotypical Barbie gets heckled a lot and finds the overbearingly sexist real world stressful
2. Ken finds the patriarchal society exactly to his liking and begins expecting stuff in return for simply for being a man (i.e. male entitlement)

It’s a great set up for a film and one we’re pleased such a concept got greenlit as a major blockbuster. It’s just we think the ultimate execution (despite a strong script) often falls flat.

Barbie is a bit heavy-handed with its concept. This is good and bad, the good being it goes for the jugular and savages silly male privilege. The bad is this is presented in quite a simplistic way, that can also be a little overbearing, meaning adults steeped in feminist theory may find it a little obvious.

This is a PG-13, though, so as far as we’re concerned it’s a film aimed at girls and young women. In the way Michael Bay makes films for boys, Greta Gerwig is making films to inspire girls. And that’s fabulous.

It does mean, for us at 41, we found the film a bit disappointing. It’s a 3/5 type deal, but probably as we’d get more out of it if we were the target audience.

Barbie does have its moments, no doubts, not least with Ryan Gosling on hilarious form as the hapless Ken. There’s an absurd dance number he does really well (“I’m Just Ken”) with great cringeworthy lyrics about him being a 10/10 and all that manosphere stuff.

‘Cause I’m just Ken, anywhere else I’d be a ten,
Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility?

I’m just Ken,
Where I see love, she sees a friend,
What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?

Here it all is in full, complete with massively OTT production values.

It’s a fast-paced film with plenty of gags and clever concepts, but it’s often dragged down by labouring on its point a little too much. Although it is the most feminist mainstream Hollywood film we think there’s ever been, so that in itself is glorious.

And Barbie is good. Just not great. At 114 minutes, so of its humour does fall a little flat and the film can feel a little awkward at times. But then in the next scene it can land I’m Just Ken on you and it’s a banger again.

Bit of a mixed bag, then, but plenty to enjoy. Especially for younger female viewers, who we think (and hope) found the whole thing hilarious and inspiring.

The Production of Barbie

One of the popular right-wing soundbites (of many) is the tedious “go woke, go broke“. The theory being diversity, inclusivity, and feminism lead to a lack of financial success. Well, Barbie made $1.448 billion at the global box office. In fact, it was the top earning film of 2023.

It beat Oppenheimer, a bunch of superhero films, the latest Mission Impossible, and the Super Mario Bros. Movie (the latter was second on $1.3 billion). Go woke, go broke indeed…

Anyway, despite the film’s financial success, Greta Gerwig has stated she doesn’t want to turn this into another Hollywood franchise. It’s likely to be a standalone film and, we think, that’s for the best. Although we should imagine studio pressure to cash-in will lead to a prequel (or something) eventually.

The concept for a live-action Barbie film had been mulled over since the 1980s.

The idea was renewed in late 2009 by toy manufacturer Mattel, but the project continued to be delayed. In 2016, comedian Amy Schumer almost got the project greenlit, but she dropped out in March 2017 after a disagreement with producers. But things really took off when Australian actor Margot Robbie agreed to the lead Barbie role in 2019.

And, yes, she was cast as she has that conventional blonde and beautiful look. But also because she’s a very good actor, anyone who’s seen I, Tonya (2017) can confirm that.

With Robbie onboard, plus acting as a producer, she approached Greta Gerwig about directing. She agreed, but only on the basis her husband Noah Baumbach be part of the scriptwriting.

Thus, the legacy was complete! And the shoot went ahead on sets adapted for a Palm Springs, mid-century modernist interior design look. HOWEVER! Perhaps surprisingly, the film was shot at Warner Bros’ UK studios in July of 2022. Barbie gives off the whole vibe of a sun-baked American summer but, no, a chunk was filmed in rainy old England.

On a final note, Mattel’s delay on all of this from the 1980s was a massive win.

The film pokes a lot of fun and playful mockery of the nature of Barbie dolls, which seem anachronistic to modern life. Although the company has worked to make them more diverse, inclusive, and empowering over the last decade or so.

Well, the plan worked a treat and global sales of Barbie dolls went up thanks to the film. It’s also done its reputation a lot of good, showing they’re not a bunch of stuffy corporate shills unable to take criticism. If only more businesses could take note.

Barbie: Some Good, Some Bad in Uplifting Feminist Romp 💗

Here we have the 2023 sensation Barbie, written and directed by husband and wife team Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach. This was the biggest film of the year, with an all-star cast headed up by Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling.

It’s a darkly satirical comedy film, a live-action version, that explores a stereotypical Barbie’s quest for enlightenment, challenging the patriarchy and an army of dim-witted Kens along the way.

An Existential Crisis in the World of Barbie

Right, so the plot follows the life of Barbies living in a matriarchal society in a world away from our real life (kind of in a separate dimension). The Barbies life with half-witted Kens, plus a bunch of discontinued models that are viewed as undesirables.

The Barbie world is supposed to be perfect, with stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie) the embodiment of female beauty and glorious day-to-day existence. Their days are spent dancing the being perfect. Like this!

Ken (the Ryan Gosling one) is competing with other Kens to win over stereotypical Barbie. However, their world doesn’t seem to have any concept of what physical intimacy is and so he’s continuously turfed to one side.

Then stereotypical Barbie starts having an existential crisis.

She visits Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon), a social outcast after excessive exuberant play from a child, who tells her to visit the real human world and work out why she’s having the crisis. Ken stows away with her to try and win her hand.

After they reach the real world, two things happen:

1. Stereotypical Barbie gets heckled a lot and finds the overbearingly sexist real world stressful
2. Ken finds the patriarchal society exactly to his liking and begins expecting stuff in return for simply for being a man (i.e. male entitlement)

It’s a great set up for a film and one we’re pleased such a concept got greenlit as a major blockbuster. It’s just we think the ultimate execution (despite a strong script) often falls flat.

Barbie is a bit heavy-handed with its concept. This is good and bad, the good being it goes for the jugular and savages silly male privilege. The bad is this is presented in quite a simplistic way, that can also be a little overbearing, meaning adults steeped in feminist theory may find it a little obvious.

This is a PG-13, though, so as far as we’re concerned it’s a film aimed at girls and young women. In the way Michael Bay makes films for boys, Greta Gerwig is making films to inspire girls. And that’s fabulous.

It does mean, for us at 41, we found the film a bit disappointing. It’s a 3/5 type deal, but probably as we’d get more out of it if we were the target audience.

Barbie does have its moments, no doubts, not least with Ryan Gosling on hilarious form as the hapless Ken. There’s an absurd dance number he does really well (“I’m Just Ken”) with great cringeworthy lyrics about him being a 10/10 and all that manosphere stuff.

‘Cause I’m just Ken, anywhere else I’d be a ten,
Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility?

I’m just Ken,
Where I see love, she sees a friend,
What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?

Here it all is in full, complete with massively OTT production values.

It’s a fast-paced film with plenty of gags and clever concepts, but it’s often dragged down by labouring on its point a little too much. Although it is the most feminist mainstream Hollywood film we think there’s ever been, so that in itself is glorious.

And Barbie is good. Just not great. At 114 minutes, so of its humour does fall a little flat and the film can feel a little awkward at times. But then in the next scene it can land I’m Just Ken on you and it’s a banger again.

Bit of a mixed bag, then, but plenty to enjoy. Especially for younger female viewers, who we think (and hope) found the whole thing hilarious and inspiring.

The Production of Barbie

One of the popular right-wing soundbites (of many) is the tedious “go woke, go broke“. The theory being diversity, inclusivity, and feminism lead to a lack of financial success. Well, Barbie made $1.448 billion at the global box office. In fact, it was the top earning film of 2023.

It beat Oppenheimer, a bunch of superhero films, the latest Mission Impossible, and the Super Mario Bros. Movie (the latter was second on $1.3 billion). Go woke, go broke indeed…

Anyway, despite the film’s financial success, Greta Gerwig has stated she doesn’t want to turn this into another Hollywood franchise. It’s likely to be a standalone film and, we think, that’s for the best. Although we should imagine studio pressure to cash-in will lead to a prequel (or something) eventually.

The concept for a live-action Barbie film had been mulled over since the 1980s.

The idea was renewed in late 2009 by toy manufacturer Mattel, but the project continued to be delayed. In 2016, comedian Amy Schumer almost got the project greenlit, but she dropped out in March 2017 after a disagreement with producers. But things really took off when Australian actor Margot Robbie agreed to the lead Barbie role in 2019.

And, yes, she was cast as she has that conventional blonde and beautiful look. But also because she’s a very good actor, anyone who’s seen I, Tonya (2017) can confirm that.

With Robbie onboard, plus acting as a producer, she approached Greta Gerwig about directing. She agreed, but only on the basis her husband Noah Baumbach be part of the scriptwriting.

Thus, the legacy was complete! And the shoot went ahead on sets adapted for a Palm Springs, mid-century modernist interior design look. HOWEVER! Perhaps surprisingly, the film was shot at Warner Bros’ UK studios in July of 2022. Barbie gives off the whole vibe of a sun-baked American summer but, no, a chunk was filmed in rainy old England.

On a final note, Mattel’s delay on all of this from the 1980s was a massive win.

The film pokes a lot of fun and playful mockery of the nature of Barbie dolls, which seem anachronistic to modern life. Although the company has worked to make them more diverse, inclusive, and empowering over the last decade or so.

Well, the plan worked a treat and global sales of Barbie dolls went up thanks to the film. It’s also done its reputation a lot of good, showing they’re not a bunch of stuffy corporate shills unable to take criticism. If only more businesses could take note.

Barbie: Some Good, Some Bad in Uplifting Feminist Romp 💗

Here we have the 2023 sensation Barbie, written and directed by husband and wife team Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach. This was the biggest film of the year, with an all-star cast headed up by Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling.

It’s a darkly satirical comedy film, a live-action version, that explores a stereotypical Barbie’s quest for enlightenment, challenging the patriarchy and an army of dim-witted Kens along the way.

An Existential Crisis in the World of Barbie

Right, so the plot follows the life of Barbies living in a matriarchal society in a world away from our real life (kind of in a separate dimension). The Barbies life with half-witted Kens, plus a bunch of discontinued models that are viewed as undesirables.

The Barbie world is supposed to be perfect, with stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie) the embodiment of female beauty and glorious day-to-day existence. Their days are spent dancing the being perfect. Like this!

Ken (the Ryan Gosling one) is competing with other Kens to win over stereotypical Barbie. However, their world doesn’t seem to have any concept of what physical intimacy is and so he’s continuously turfed to one side.

Then stereotypical Barbie starts having an existential crisis.

She visits Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon), a social outcast after excessive exuberant play from a child, who tells her to visit the real human world and work out why she’s having the crisis. Ken stows away with her to try and win her hand.

After they reach the real world, two things happen:

1. Stereotypical Barbie gets heckled a lot and finds the overbearingly sexist real world stressful
2. Ken finds the patriarchal society exactly to his liking and begins expecting stuff in return for simply for being a man (i.e. male entitlement)

It’s a great set up for a film and one we’re pleased such a concept got greenlit as a major blockbuster. It’s just we think the ultimate execution (despite a strong script) often falls flat.

Barbie is a bit heavy-handed with its concept. This is good and bad, the good being it goes for the jugular and savages silly male privilege. The bad is this is presented in quite a simplistic way, that can also be a little overbearing, meaning adults steeped in feminist theory may find it a little obvious.

This is a PG-13, though, so as far as we’re concerned it’s a film aimed at girls and young women. In the way Michael Bay makes films for boys, Great Gerwig is making films to inspire girls. And that’s fabulous.

It does mean, for us at 41, we found the film a bit disappointing. It’s a 3/5 type deal, but probably as we’d get more out of it if we were the target audience.

Barbie does have its moments, no doubts, not least with Ryan Gosling on hilarious form as the hapless Ken. There’s an absurd dance number he does really well (“I’m Just Ken”) with great cringeworthy lyrics about him being a 10/10 and all that manosphere stuff.

‘Cause I’m just Ken, anywhere else I’d be a ten,
Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility?

I’m just Ken,
Where I see love, she sees a friend,
What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?

Here it all is in full, complete with massively OTT production values.

It’s a fast-paced film with plenty of gags and clever concepts, but it’s often dragged down by labouring on its point a little too much. Although it is the most feminist mainstream Hollywood film we think there’s ever been, so that in itself is glorious.

And Barbie is good. Just not great. At 114 minutes, so of its humour does fall a little flat and the film can feel a little awkward at times. But then in the next scene it can land I’m Just Ken on you and it’s a banger again.

Bit of a mixed bag, then, but plenty to enjoy. Especially for younger female viewers, who we think (and hope) found the whole thing hilarious and inspiring.

The Production of Barbie

One of the popular right-wing soundbites (of many) is the tedious “go woke, go broke“. The theory being diversity, inclusivity, and feminism lead to a lack of financial success. Well, Barbie made $1.448 billion at the global box office. In fact, it was the top earning film of 2023.

It beat Oppenheimer, a bunch of superhero films, the latest Mission Impossible, and the Super Mario Bros. Movie (the latter was second on $1.3 billion). Go woke, go broke indeed…

Anyway, despite the film’s financial success, Greta Gerwig has stated she doesn’t want to turn this into another Hollywood franchise. It’s likely to be a standalone film and, we think, that’s for the best. Although we should imagine studio pressure to cash-in will lead to a prequel (or something) eventually.

The concept for a live-action Barbie film had been mulled over since the 1980s.

The idea was renewed in late 2009 by toy manufacturer Mattel, but the project continued to be delayed. In 2016, comedian Amy Schumer almost got the project greenlit, but she dropped out in March 2017 after a disagreement with producers. But things really took off when Australian actor Margot Robbie agreed to the lead Barbie role in 2019.

And, yes, she was cast as she has that conventional blonde and beautiful look. But also because she’s a very good actor, anyone who’s seen I, Tonya (2017) can confirm that.

With Robbie onboard, plus acting as a producer, she approached Greta Gerwig about directing. She agreed, but only on the basis her husband Noah Baumbach be part of the scriptwriting.

Thus, the legacy was complete! And the shoot went ahead on sets adapted for a Palm Springs, mid-century modernist interior design look. HOWEVER! Perhaps surprisingly, the film was shot at Warner Bros’ UK studios in July of 2022. Barbie gives off the whole vibe of a sun-baked American summer but, no, a chunk was filmed in rainy old England.

On a final note, Mattel’s delay on all of this from the 1980s was a massive win.

The film pokes a lot of fun and playful mockery of the nature of Barbie dolls, which seem anachronistic to modern life. Although the company has worked to make them more diverse, inclusive, and empowering over the last decade or so.

Well, the plan worked a treat and global sales of Barbie dolls went up thanks to the film. It’s also done its reputation a lot of good, showing they’re not a bunch of stuffy corporate shills unable to take criticism. If only more businesses could take note.

Barbie: Some Good, Some Bad in Uplifting Feminist Romp 💗

Here we have the 2023 sensation Barbie, written and directed by husband and wife team Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach. This was the biggest film of the year, with an all-star cast headed up by Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling.

It’s a darkly satirical comedy film, a live-action version, that explores a stereotypical Barbie’s quest for enlightenment, challenging the patriarchy and an army of dim-witted Kens along the way.

An Existential Crisis in the World of Barbie

Right, so the plot follows the life of Barbies living in a matriarchal society in a world away from our real life (kind of in a separate dimension). The Barbies life with half-witted Kens, plus a bunch of discontinued models that are viewed as undesirables.

The Barbie world is supposed to be perfect, with stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie) the embodiment of female beauty and glorious day-to-day existence. Their days are spent dancing the being perfect. Like this!

Ken (the Ryan Gosling one) is competing with other Kens to win over stereotypical Barbie. However, their world doesn’t seem to have any concept of what physical intimacy is and so he’s continuously turfed to one side.

Then stereotypical Barbie starts having an existential crisis.

She visits Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon), a social outcast after excessive exuberant play from a child, who tells her to visit the real human world and work out why she’s having the crisis. Ken stows away with her to try and win her hand.

After they reach the real world, two things happen:

1. Stereotypical Barbie gets heckled a lot and finds the overbearingly sexist real world stressful
2. Ken finds the patriarchal society exactly to his liking and begins expecting stuff in return for simply for being a man (i.e. male entitlement)

It’s a great set up for a film and one we’re pleased such a concept got greenlit as a major blockbuster. It’s just we think the ultimate execution (despite a strong script) often falls flat.

Barbie is a bit heavy-handed with its concept. This is good and bad, the good being it goes for the jugular and savages silly male privilege. The bad is this is presented in quite a simplistic way, that can also be a little overbearing, meaning adults steeped in feminist theory may find it a little obvious.

This is a PG-13, though, so as far as we’re concerned it’s a film aimed at girls and young women. In the way Michael Bay makes films for boys, Great Gerwig is making films to inspire girls. And that’s fabulous.

It does mean, for us at 41, we found the film a bit disappointing. It’s a 3/5 type deal, but probably as we’d get more out of it if we were the target audience.

Barbie does have its moments, no doubts, not least with Ryan Gosling on hilarious form as the hapless Ken. There’s an absurd dance number he does really well (“I’m Just Ken”) with great cringeworthy lyrics about him being a 10/10 and all that manosphere stuff.

‘Cause I’m just Ken, anywhere else I’d be a ten,
Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility?

I’m just Ken,
Where I see love, she sees a friend,
What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?

Here it all is in full, complete with massively OTT production values.

It’s a fast-paced film with plenty of gags and clever concepts, but it’s often dragged down by labouring on its point a little too much. Although it is the most feminist mainstream Hollywood film we think there’s ever been, so that in itself is glorious.

And Barbie is good. Just not great. At 114 minutes, so of its humour does fall a little flat and the film can feel a little awkward at times. But then in the next scene it can land I’m Just Ken on you and it’s a banger again.

Bit of a mixed bag, then, but plenty to enjoy. Especially for younger female viewers, who we think (and hope) found the whole thing hilarious and inspiring.

The Production of Barbie

One of the popular right-wing soundbites (of many) is the tedious “go woke, go broke“. The theory being diversity, inclusivity, and feminism lead to a lack of financial success. Well, Barbie made $1.448 billion at the global box office. In fact, it was the top earning film of 2023.

It beat Oppenheimer, a bunch of superhero films, the latest Mission Impossible, and the Super Mario Bros. Movie (the latter was second on $1.3 billion). Go woke, go broke indeed…

Anyway, despite the film’s financial success, Greta Gerwig has stated she doesn’t want to turn this into another Hollywood franchise. It’s likely to be a standalone film and, we think, that’s for the best. Although we should imagine studio pressure to cash-in will lead to a prequel (or something) eventually.

The concept for a live-action Barbie film had been mulled over since the 1980s.

The idea was renewed in late 2009 by toy manufacturer Mattel, but the project continued to be delayed. In 2016, comedian Amy Schumer almost got the project greenlit, but she dropped out in March 2017 after a disagreement with producers. But things really took off when Australian actor Margot Robbie agreed to the lead Barbie role in 2019.

And, yes, she was cast as she has that conventional blonde and beautiful look. But also because she’s a very good actor, anyone who’s seen I, Tonya (2017) can confirm that.

With Robbie onboard, plus acting as a producer, she approached Greta Gerwig about directing. She agreed, but only on the basis her husband Noah Baumbach be part of the scriptwriting.

Thus, the legacy was complete! And the shoot went ahead on sets adapted for a Palm Springs, mid-century modernist interior design look. HOWEVER! Perhaps surprisingly, the film was shot at Warner Bros’ UK studios in July of 2022. Barbie gives off the whole vibe of a sun-baked American summer but, no, a chunk was filmed in rainy old England.

On a final note, Mattel’s delay on all of this from the 1980s was a massive win.

The film pokes a lot of fun and playful mockery of the nature of Barbie dolls, which seem anachronistic to modern life. Although the company has worked to make them more diverse, inclusive, and empowering over the last decade or so.

Well, the plan worked a treat and global sales of Barbie dolls went up thanks to the film. It’s also done its reputation a lot of good, showing they’re not a bunch of stuffy corporate shills unable to take criticism. If only more businesses could take note.

Agony Aunt: “Husband in his underwear in a heatwave…” ☀️🩲

Whenever there’s a heatwave in the UK, the British human male must ask himself this question: “Just how far am I willing to go to humiliate myself?”

Whether it’s parading around Tesco with his top off and in flipflops, or deciding a heatwave strategy is underpants only, the human females of the world can only watch on… and wonder.

When a Man and His Underpants Tackle a Heatwave

Dear agony aunt,

There’s the first heatwave of the year in England. My husband Terry (54) has decided his heatwave strategy for the year is to glisten himself up in suntan lotion, then parade around in only his underwear. He goes everything like that: to the shops, to work, to the cinema, to the restaurants etc. We’ve been banned from many places…

Terry doesn’t see the problem with his underpants strategy. Everyone else is repulsed by it.

Now, I love my husband of 20 years but this is a step too far. He’s a large man and watching him wobbling around in the sun, glistening, drenched in sweat, his underpants clinging on for dear life to protect his modesty, and it makes me think he’s unfit for society and should be sectioned. Or is that a step too far?

Anyway, I proposed the idea to him last night like this:

“Husband, you’re making a fool of yourself with this underpants in a heatwave dress sense. Look at you. You’re covered in blisters from sunburn and you have a grimace of agony on your blotched face. This is no good, I think you should have yourself committed. It’s for your own good.”

Well, he didn’t react very well to that. He huffed and puffed and all that huffing and puffing split some of his sunburn blisters and they turned into howls of agony. While he lay on the floor wailing, that’s when I took the chance and got the medical people out and try and get him sectioned. I explained to them he’s clinically insane as he was wandering around in underpants during a heatwave. Well… and get this… the male physicians got really offended about this because THEY WALK AROUND IN UNDERPANTS IN A HEATWAVE AS WELL.

It’s just something older men do, apparently…

They refused to have Terry sectioned. Instead, they gave him a glass of lemonade and an ice lolly and smeared Sudocrem all over him for the sunburn. They said he’ll be “right as rain” in a few days, I just have to keep feeding him ice lollies, chilled lemonade, and smearing Sudocrem all over him.

Needless to say, Terry isn’t talking to me now. He thinks I’m “evil” and “demon spawn”.

How do I save my marriage? Do I even want to save my marriage?

Yours,

Vera

Vera… you’ve committed a very grave mistake in challenging your husband on this matter. It is every man’s right to “parade” (as you so obnoxiously put it) around in his undies during a heatwave. What sort of deranged wife wouldn’t let a man breathe in such a way?

Your husband is right to not want to talk to you.

You can tell how angry we are as we had to use “to” some THREE times in that last sentence! Who do you think you are!? Honestly. We’re sitting here, taking our time to respond to you, during a heatwave, WHILST WEARING OUR FAVOURITE UNDERPANTS! What, exactly, is wrong with that?! Hmmm!?

You’re permanently banned from requesting agony aunt feedback for the rest of time. Good day, madam!