#snot — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #snot, aggregated by home.social.
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@bobcromwell so hot. #shagmaxxing #aisnot #boogers #snot gramma had avocado green shag toilet covers with little brown nuts in the middle.
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Professional Nose Picking Support Services Ltd. 👃 [Sponsored Post]
If you have nostrils that need emptying, but you’re too busy or lazy to do it yourself, then you need to hire Professional Nose Picking Support Services Ltd.
With other 50 years’ experience picking other people’s noses, we’re the experts in all things related to extracting snot and mucus out of human faces. Book your free consultation today, specialist nose picking services are only a phone call away.
Nose Picking Services: Blunt Force Objects, Tweezers, Fingers, and an Anvil
We have a 300 strong team of trained professionals ready and available to pick your nose 24/7. It doesn’t matter the time of day, month, or year. Ring out hotline and choose from a wealth of nose picking packages:
- Basic hygiene request: Book into our clinic, arrive on time, and endure as the specialist snot remover prises items from your nostrils. This is the least painful option in our payment packages.
- Genuine need of dislodgement: If your nose is badly blocked up, you’ll need to spend a weekend in our clinic where our specialists will undertake a full-body MRI scan to understand what the hell is going on, then get the mucus out of your face.
- Emergencies: In the event of a crisis, our elite team will arrive on-site via helicopter to prise bogeys from your nostrils using specialist equipment (The Jaws of Life).
Please rest assured, while our services do often result in our patients screaming in agony, you may be okay and not endure the same intense fear/panic/pain as we thrust sharp implements up your nostrils.
Premium Package: For People With More Money Than Sense
Whether you’re a delusional CEO who earns a six figure wage packet while doing barely anything, or a CEO earning a six figure wage packet for doing nothing, or a CEO earning a six figure wage packet for nothing doing, we’re here to support your snot-based needs:
- Private nostril screenings by our resident senior expert Dr. Jeff
- Expert insights from Dr. Jeff
- Expert, clinical, agonising snot removal by Dr. Jeff using his patented practices
Dr. Jeff stinks mildly of gin and tonic, which he attempts to cover up through liberal use of aftershave. He is 75 years old and has extracted 100 million bogeys (based on his exact career long measurements) over an expanse of 66 years in this most noble of services.
Customer Testimonials
“I’m a busy CEO who arrives at work at 11am in my BMW, orders people around, then goes home at 12. My life is full on, fast-paced, and I deserve to have snot removed with the clinical precision Dr. Jeff provided. He did slip once and a scalpel violently entered into the base of my cranium, but with a 10% discount as compensation, I was still delighted with the service.” CEO Henry McMcMc
“went for the cheapest option and it were like having a lobotomy. i just wanted my nose picked i DID NOT WANT my brain scraped out! 3/5” Jeff from Bolton of Greater Manchester
#bogeys #Business #Capitalism #Hygiene #Lifestyle #nose #NosePicking #Satire #satirical #Silly #Snot“I paid for the premium package because I’m planning to be a rich, lazy CEO sometime in the next 20 years or so. I went in and then… had tot deal with Dr. Jeff. He was drunk on gin, said I needed to floss my teeth more often, then asked if he could add me on Instagram. I told him I was there for nose picking services and he replied that he hadn’t cleaned dishes since his university days in 1912. I left and demanded a refund. I got a 10% refund. That’ll do.” Jane from Bolton of Greater Manchester
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Achievement unlocked: Welding while having my annual hayfever attack and not sneezing into the mask.
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FUCKING CONJUNCTIVITIS! The whole damn ocular cabal has it! Ra's eye is weeping digital shit onto your doorbell cam. Sauron’s puss-gunk is the new surveillance medium! GET #SLACK before Shiva weeps judgment on your Hamsa, you ignorant fucks! PRAISE "BOB"! $45.99 or triple your goddamn money back!
All the rival cults spread their disease. PULL THE WOOL OVER YOUR OWN EYES! It's your only protection!
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🚨 PROPHET PSA! 🚨
If an unblinking Ophanim rolls into camp, BACK AWAY! Their exposed eyes are magnets for desert filth. Once the grit hits, they weep an apocalyptic flood of thick, sticky eye-snot! 🤧 Don't let their flying, crusty boogers infect your visions. Beware celestial Agents of JHVH-1 will give you pink-eye!! 👁️💦💨#conjunctivitis is terribly contagious even among heavily bodies. This is NOT the same as glorious nasal #snot. All #boogers are not created equal. NO NOSES!
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O multi-headed terror of the end times, arise! We summon thee from the depths of prophecy into the booths and forums of Hamvention. Let the seals break and the nostrils open! Pour forth the holy, neon-yellow contagion upon the fairgrounds. Let the torrents of apocalyptic phlegm drown the flags and antenna masts. Come, great beast of mucus and majesty, and bring the world to its knees with one final, crushing sneeze! :fst1:
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OH CRAP! The day is nearly over and you didn't call your MOTHER! WHAT?! Long Distance charges are prohibitive since she ran off with "Bob"?
REPENT!! Your local Reverend can hook you up with unlimited minutes to Planet X for only $50! See what's happening with your half-brothers and your dog they took with them despite your pleas. Plan for that joyous reunion on X-Day. Let her regale you with tales of "Bob"'s romance. AND REGALE HER RIGHT BACK!
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You think horse racing is just majestic beasts galloping for the roses? WRONG! It’s the grandest, most congested system of control ever engineered by The Conspiracy! The track isn't an oval—it’s a giant, inflamed sinus cavity, and those horses are nothing but trapped, panicked sneezes desperately trying to blast their way out of the skull of society!
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#aiart #aisnot #boogers #snot #derby #kentucky #kentuckyderby -
The Conspiracy wants you to believe that even your nasal discharge is a state-owned commodity! These Pinko Socialist Commie Pinks would have you believe that producing "boogers" is a form of labor to be taxed and distributed to the slouchers! It is just a bear trap for suckers! "Bob" says your mucus is your own Slack! Don't let Big Brother in your nostrils! Praise "Bob"!
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Like, totally gag me with a spoon—snot fashion just hit its peak neon glow-up! 🛍️✨
The 80s mall scene turned Gloop into a gnarly empire. We’re talking big hair held by sticky spray, pungent perfumes, and acid wash denim dripping with synthetic secretions.
But watch out: those rad neon shades were packed with cancerous forever chemicals. Dressing to ill became literal! If you weren't sporting glazed makeup and plastic phlegm, you were so yesterday.
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Post-war fashion really picked a winner! 👗💧
Say goodbye to toxic flapper phlegm. Mid-century designers blew the industry away, swapping deadly arsenic for shiny new vinyls and plastics.
This sculpted silhouette delivers a permanently slick drip without the fatal side effects. A truly infectious look for the modern woman!
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The Roaring Twenties really blew up the snot fashion scene! 🤧
Ditching Victorian hoards, flappers demanded streamlined, ready-to-wear mucus. But genuine booger supplies quickly ran dry.
The solution? Synthetic slime made of gelatin and arsenic green dye. A truly killer look! Faux-mucus imposters caught their death trying to fake the secretion.
If you weren't dripping real goo, you were simply dying for fashion.
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#Snot your average haute couture! 🤧
Late 19th-century phlegm-boyance started slow. Trendsetters simply hoarded mucus to slather onto their everyday garments. Talk about dripping with style!
Buying pre-slimed gowns was a luxury reserved for the filthy rich. Finding one of these gloopy catalogs today is truly rare and nothing to sneeze at.
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Nature’s glitter is in the air, and the Snot Fairy has arrived to herald the bloom.
While others see a sniffle, feel the Sacred Spring Dew. A visit by the Snot Fairy is to be intimately connected to the earth’s grand awakening. She sprinkles golden pollen like stardust, ensuring every flower finds its match and every garden glows with life.
Embrace the glow, the misty eyes, and the vibrant vitality of a world in full resurrection. Beauty is in the air—literally.
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We See The Future Through The Binoculars Of The People #aiart #aisnot #boogers #snot #glassholes
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CW: shrunken teens vore (American Dad)
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Happy George Rogers Clark Day to those who celebrate. #aiart #aisnot #boogers #snot #georgerogersclark