#queerplatonic — Public Fediverse posts

Tuesday was the first day of college to study social pedagogy and I already love it.
It's going to be every tuesday apart from holidays for the next 3 years and from now on I can bring my dog Platon.

It's going to be all about emotional and social competences, group dynamics and reflection. I have a love-hate relationship with these things. On the one hand I think they are exactly what society lacks and I want to study them and be able to teach people. AND I want to be a social being with friends and (a) partner(s).
On the other hand IRL group dynamics and social interactions have been the death of me.

I tend to be the outsider in each group and feel even more so. The feeling of being excluded crushes me and I stut down even more. It's a vicious cycle I've been working on and I might be better equipped to deal with now, after many years of therapy (for depression and social anxiety), than ever before. But also I am more radical now than ever before (thanks to the Fediverse) and that tends to get in the way of people warming up to me.

At one point there was an introduction round with names, (I was the only one doing pronouns - just like I'm the only one wearing a mask), experiences in the psycho-social field, what brought us to social pedagogy and what are our hopes and fears for the college. For my fear I mentioned the group dynamics thing, which was probably a good choice. I could have mentioned my fear of falling in love with another member of the group and I could have named a name, even though this was the second time I saw her.

And that's my much bigger fear and something I hate about me. I'm going to spend the next 3 years with these 19 women and 6 guys. I don't really know any of them yet, don't know what they're like and if they are compatible with me (for friendship or whatever). But I already know I'll only have eyes for that one woman for 3 years just because she is "my type".

I hate judging people by their looks which has to be all this is - I'm not that good a judge of character that I could possibly claim that I'm crushing on her character. I mean. The women I fall for tend to be the same type of character apart from looks too, but still.

I wish there was a potion that protects from falling in love. Lacking that I'll have to manage with skills, distractions and probably therapy again. Maybe it will work out and I won't have my next depression. Oh and just in case you're wondering: No, I don't think there is a chance in hell that she could ever like me too in any way other than platonically. Absolutely no way.

Not that a friendship couldn't be enough. I'm asexual and don't really believe in romance either - at least nor mono-normative romance. I named my dog after platonic relationships after all. But my inner therapist tells me its not a good idea to be friends if we feel differently about each other.

Why can't there just be a college for ace queerplatonic partnerships, so I could fall for people who are like me? Oh yeah, because you can't monetize that. Damn you capitalism.

#mh #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #NotJustScared #crush #squish #love #asexual #QueerPlatonic #GroupDynamics #friendship

Tuesday was the first day of college to study social pedagogy and I already love it.
It's going to be every tuesday apart from holidays for the next 3 years and from now on I can bring my dog Platon.

It's going to be all about emotional and social competences, group dynamics and reflection. I have a love-hate relationship with these things. On the one hand I think they are exactly what society lacks and I want to study them and be able to teach people. AND I want to be a social being with friends and (a) partner(s).
On the other hand IRL group dynamics and social interactions have been the death of me.

I tend to be the outsider in each group and feel even more so. The feeling of being excluded crushes me and I stut down even more. It's a vicious cycle I've been working on and I might be better equipped to deal with now, after many years of therapy (for depression and social anxiety), than ever before. But also I am more radical now than ever before (thanks to the Fediverse) and that tends to get in the way of people warming up to me.

At one point there was an introduction round with names, (I was the only one doing pronouns - just like I'm the only one wearing a mask), experiences in the psycho-social field, what brought us to social pedagogy and what are our hopes and fears for the college. For my fear I mentioned the group dynamics thing, which was probably a good choice. I could have mentioned my fear of falling in love with another member of the group and I could have named a name, even though this was the second time I saw her.

And that's my much bigger fear and something I hate about me. I'm going to spend the next 3 years with these 19 women and 6 guys. I don't really know any of them yet, don't know what they're like and if they are compatible with me (for friendship or whatever). But I already know I'll only have eyes for that one woman for 3 years just because she is "my type".

I hate judging people by their looks which has to be all this is - I'm not that good a judge of character that I could possibly claim that I'm crushing on her character. I mean. The women I fall for tend to be the same type of character apart from looks too, but still.

I wish there was a potion that protects from falling in love. Lacking that I'll have to manage with skills, distractions and probably therapy again. Maybe it will work out and I won't have my next depression. Oh and just in case you're wondering: No, I don't think there is a chance in hell that she could ever like me too in any way other than platonically. Absolutely no way.

Not that a friendship couldn't be enough. I'm asexual and don't really believe in romance either - at least nor mono-normative romance. I named my dog after platonic relationships after all. But my inner therapist tells me its not a good idea to be friends if we feel differently about each other.

Why can't there just be a college for ace queerplatonic partnerships, so I could fall for people who are like me? Oh yeah, because you can't monetize that. Damn you capitalism.

#mh #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #NotJustScared #crush #squish #love #asexual #QueerPlatonic #GroupDynamics #friendship

Tuesday was the first day of college to study social pedagogy and I already love it.
It's going to be every tuesday apart from holidays for the next 3 years and from now on I can bring my dog Platon.

It's going to be all about emotional and social competences, group dynamics and reflection. I have a love-hate relationship with these things. On the one hand I think they are exactly what society lacks and I want to study them and be able to teach people. AND I want to be a social being with friends and (a) partner(s).
On the other hand IRL group dynamics and social interactions have been the death of me.

I tend to be the outsider in each group and feel even more so. The feeling of being excluded crushes me and I stut down even more. It's a vicious cycle I've been working on and I might be better equipped to deal with now, after many years of therapy (for depression and social anxiety), than ever before. But also I am more radical now than ever before (thanks to the Fediverse) and that tends to get in the way of people warming up to me.

At one point there was an introduction round with names, (I was the only one doing pronouns - just like I'm the only one wearing a mask), experiences in the psycho-social field, what brought us to social pedagogy and what are our hopes and fears for the college. For my fear I mentioned the group dynamics thing, which was probably a good choice. I could have mentioned my fear of falling in love with another member of the group and I could have named a name, even though this was the second time I saw her.

And that's my much bigger fear and something I hate about me. I'm going to spend the next 3 years with these 19 women and 6 guys. I don't really know any of them yet, don't know what they're like and if they are compatible with me (for friendship or whatever). But I already know I'll only have eyes for that one woman for 3 years just because she is "my type".

I hate judging people by their looks which has to be all this is - I'm not that good a judge of character that I could possibly claim that I'm crushing on her character. I mean. The women I fall for tend to be the same type of character apart from looks too, but still.

I wish there was a potion that protects from falling in love. Lacking that I'll have to manage with skills, distractions and probably therapy again. Maybe it will work out and I won't have my next depression. Oh and just in case you're wondering: No, I don't think there is a chance in hell that she could ever like me too in any way other than platonically. Absolutely no way.

Not that a friendship couldn't be enough. I'm asexual and don't really believe in romance either - at least nor mono-normative romance. I named my dog after platonic relationships after all. But my inner therapist tells me its not a good idea to be friends if we feel differently about each other.

Why can't there just be a college for ace queerplatonic partnerships, so I could fall for people who are like me? Oh yeah, because you can't monetize that. Damn you capitalism.

#mh #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #NotJustScared #crush #squish #love #asexual #QueerPlatonic #GroupDynamics #friendship

Tuesday was the first day of college to study social pedagogy and I already love it.
It's going to be every tuesday apart from holidays for the next 3 years and from now on I can bring my dog Platon.

It's going to be all about emotional and social competences, group dynamics and reflection. I have a love-hate relationship with these things. On the one hand I think they are exactly what society lacks and I want to study them and be able to teach people. AND I want to be a social being with friends and (a) partner(s).
On the other hand IRL group dynamics and social interactions have been the death of me.

I tend to be the outsider in each group and feel even more so. The feeling of being excluded crushes me and I stut down even more. It's a vicious cycle I've been working on and I might be better equipped to deal with now, after many years of therapy (for depression and social anxiety), than ever before. But also I am more radical now than ever before (thanks to the Fediverse) and that tends to get in the way of people warming up to me.

At one point there was an introduction round with names, (I was the only one doing pronouns - just like I'm the only one wearing a mask), experiences in the psycho-social field, what brought us to social pedagogy and what are our hopes and fears for the college. For my fear I mentioned the group dynamics thing, which was probably a good choice. I could have mentioned my fear of falling in love with another member of the group and I could have named a name, even though this was the second time I saw her.

And that's my much bigger fear and something I hate about me. I'm going to spend the next 3 years with these 19 women and 6 guys. I don't really know any of them yet, don't know what they're like and if they are compatible with me (for friendship or whatever). But I already know I'll only have eyes for that one woman for 3 years just because she is "my type".

I hate judging people by their looks which has to be all this is - I'm not that good a judge of character that I could possibly claim that I'm crushing on her character. I mean. The women I fall for tend to be the same type of character apart from looks too, but still.

I wish there was a potion that protects from falling in love. Lacking that I'll have to manage with skills, distractions and probably therapy again. Maybe it will work out and I won't have my next depression. Oh and just in case you're wondering: No, I don't think there is a chance in hell that she could ever like me too in any way other than platonically. Absolutely no way.

Not that a friendship couldn't be enough. I'm asexual and don't really believe in romance either - at least nor mono-normative romance. I named my dog after platonic relationships after all. But my inner therapist tells me its not a good idea to be friends if we feel differently about each other.

Why can't there just be a college for ace queerplatonic partnerships, so I could fall for people who are like me? Oh yeah, because you can't monetize that. Damn you capitalism.

#mh #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #NotJustScared #crush #squish #love #asexual #QueerPlatonic #GroupDynamics #friendship

Tuesday was the first day of college to study social pedagogy and I already love it.
It's going to be every tuesday apart from holidays for the next 3 years and from now on I can bring my dog Platon.

It's going to be all about emotional and social competences, group dynamics and reflection. I have a love-hate relationship with these things. On the one hand I think they are exactly what society lacks and I want to study them and be able to teach people. AND I want to be a social being with friends and (a) partner(s).
On the other hand IRL group dynamics and social interactions have been the death of me.

I tend to be the outsider in each group and feel even more so. The feeling of being excluded crushes me and I stut down even more. It's a vicious cycle I've been working on and I might be better equipped to deal with now, after many years of therapy (for depression and social anxiety), than ever before. But also I am more radical now than ever before (thanks to the Fediverse) and that tends to get in the way of people warming up to me.

At one point there was an introduction round with names, (I was the only one doing pronouns - just like I'm the only one wearing a mask), experiences in the psycho-social field, what brought us to social pedagogy and what are our hopes and fears for the college. For my fear I mentioned the group dynamics thing, which was probably a good choice. I could have mentioned my fear of falling in love with another member of the group and I could have named a name, even though this was the second time I saw her.

And that's my much bigger fear and something I hate about me. I'm going to spend the next 3 years with these 19 women and 6 guys. I don't really know any of them yet, don't know what they're like and if they are compatible with me (for friendship or whatever). But I already know I'll only have eyes for that one woman for 3 years just because she is "my type".

I hate judging people by their looks which has to be all this is - I'm not that good a judge of character that I could possibly claim that I'm crushing on her character. I mean. The women I fall for tend to be the same type of character apart from looks too, but still.

I wish there was a potion that protects from falling in love. Lacking that I'll have to manage with skills, distractions and probably therapy again. Maybe it will work out and I won't have my next depression. Oh and just in case you're wondering: No, I don't think there is a chance in hell that she could ever like me too in any way other than platonically. Absolutely no way.

Not that a friendship couldn't be enough. I'm asexual and don't really believe in romance either - at least nor mono-normative romance. I named my dog after platonic relationships after all. But my inner therapist tells me its not a good idea to be friends if we feel differently about each other.

Why can't there just be a college for ace queerplatonic partnerships, so I could fall for people who are like me? Oh yeah, because you can't monetize that. Damn you capitalism.

#mh #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #NotJustScared #crush #squish #love #asexual #QueerPlatonic #GroupDynamics #friendship

I think it's overdue that I tell you all these good news about my mental health.

But first a look back:
In summer 2019 I fell in love platonically. She reminded me a lot of my first love, a girl I was happily friends with for about two years and then got a depression after she found out I loved her and the friendship changed.
All the good and especially the bad feelings from the end of that past friendship came back immediately the first day I met the new woman. It was love at first sight but at first it wasn't even sure if the feelings were really for her or caused by the memory of my first love.
Anyway we became good friends, but the good and bad feelings stayed and by the end of the year I had developed a heavy depression, which stayed for over 4 years.
I won't go into detail about how bad it was (you can find some previous mh- posts on my profile, that haven't been auto deleted), because I want to keep this post (and the cw) positive.

Besides my depression I was diagnosed with social phobia and 3 personality disorders (dependent, avoidant and emotionally unstable). Btw dependent personality disorder has nothing to do with alcohol or other drugs, but, at least for me, with being dependent on other people, or another person.

The past 4 years were awful, but last summer it already got a lot better: I finally got over her. The depression didn't end, but it freed my mind and at least I got somewhat stable (except for one slip up). What remained though was my avolition, which actually had to get worse before it got better.
For a few months I couldn't get myself to do anything, not even post in the Fediverse. I didn't even touch my computer, let alone leave the house. All I did was play Pokemon on my Switch console and some really numb games on my phone, but only for short periods at a time, because I couldn't even motivate me to keep doing that.
I guess I had to reach rock bottom regarding my drive to then go upwards from there.

Mid January I started my computer again and did at least a few relatively meaningful things a day. Than a while later, still in January, I seem to have found a motivation-switch and started doing a fitness routine, which I still do daily. Being physically active motivated me to be more active in other ways too and that changed my mood completely. For about two weeks I described my mood as above average, which was probably because of the updraft. Now I'd say its average, which I'm totally fine with in my current situation.

My therapist got me thinking, if maybe my other diagnoses were just side effects of the depression, which could well be true:

About the social phobia: I now have a nice conversation with a (relative) stranger every day while dog walking. I feel a lot more confident while talking to other people, because I don't have such an abysmal self worth. And many people notice the change.

About the personality disorders: They say you cannot heal a personality disorder, only learn to live with it, but I don't think that's whats happening right now. I bet if I did a comprehensive diagnostic process like I did a few years ago I'd still have results that indicate similar differences in the personality from "the norm", but much less drastic. "Personality traits" instead of personality disorders.

I just definitely have a pathological psychic reaction when I fall in love and I can no longer keep my personality traits in check.
But I believe I'm much better equipped even for such situations than I was before and I mainly thank my new (since one year) therapist for that (deep psychoanalysis).

I don't want to jinx it, but if my situation stays like this for a while, I'm fine with that and I'll soon consider myself healed from the depression.

Sure there is lots of things that can still be improved: I have no money, job or education and no real plan about changing any of that. I have very few friends and generally no social net (which I really should have so when it comes to it, I won't put all my hopes and dreams into one person again and become extremely dependent).
And I actually wouldn't mind a sort of partnership for the first time in my life either. E.g. a queerplatonic relationship sounds nice.

#MentalHealth #GoodNews #positivity #depression #NotJustSad #LoveSickness #PlatonicLove #QueerPlatonic #love #friendship #SocialPhobia #SocialAnxiety #PersonalityDisorder #PersonalityDisorders #avolition #spoons #motivation #PsychoTherapy #PsychoAnalysis #DeepPsychology

#GyneQueerPlatonic: a mixture of #QueerPlatonic, which is something between, or besides, platonic and romantic and gynephile which is afaik used for a sexual attraction towards women and feminine people. So gynequeerplatonic is an orientation where you want to have something friendship-partnership-like (no sex) with a feminine person.

#LAPAProblems: You shouldn't use the word "first world", because it implies that that region is somewhat better. LAPA is the term used nowadays, which stands for least affected people and areas. The opposite is MAPA (most affected...). It's mostly about being affected by the repercussions of the climate crisis afaik, but it's used basically for being affected by any hardship.

#FediSplaining: I think I was the first one to use this word in a post that didn't make it through my Mastodon profile's auto-delete process.
It means explaining the downsides of corporate social media and how the Fediverse is different to someone, like they were a child, even though they didn't give any indication that that was how they needed it explained or that they needed it explained at all. I admit, I sometimes do this.

#FreeSpeechMisunderstanding: Instead of the more common "free speech extremism". If you're wrong about something your not extreme about it, but wrong. Free speech doesn't mean that everybody who has a platform has to open that platform to your hate speech.