#squish — Public Fediverse posts

Tuesday was the first day of college to study social pedagogy and I already love it.
It's going to be every tuesday apart from holidays for the next 3 years and from now on I can bring my dog Platon.

It's going to be all about emotional and social competences, group dynamics and reflection. I have a love-hate relationship with these things. On the one hand I think they are exactly what society lacks and I want to study them and be able to teach people. AND I want to be a social being with friends and (a) partner(s).
On the other hand IRL group dynamics and social interactions have been the death of me.

I tend to be the outsider in each group and feel even more so. The feeling of being excluded crushes me and I stut down even more. It's a vicious cycle I've been working on and I might be better equipped to deal with now, after many years of therapy (for depression and social anxiety), than ever before. But also I am more radical now than ever before (thanks to the Fediverse) and that tends to get in the way of people warming up to me.

At one point there was an introduction round with names, (I was the only one doing pronouns - just like I'm the only one wearing a mask), experiences in the psycho-social field, what brought us to social pedagogy and what are our hopes and fears for the college. For my fear I mentioned the group dynamics thing, which was probably a good choice. I could have mentioned my fear of falling in love with another member of the group and I could have named a name, even though this was the second time I saw her.

And that's my much bigger fear and something I hate about me. I'm going to spend the next 3 years with these 19 women and 6 guys. I don't really know any of them yet, don't know what they're like and if they are compatible with me (for friendship or whatever). But I already know I'll only have eyes for that one woman for 3 years just because she is "my type".

I hate judging people by their looks which has to be all this is - I'm not that good a judge of character that I could possibly claim that I'm crushing on her character. I mean. The women I fall for tend to be the same type of character apart from looks too, but still.

I wish there was a potion that protects from falling in love. Lacking that I'll have to manage with skills, distractions and probably therapy again. Maybe it will work out and I won't have my next depression. Oh and just in case you're wondering: No, I don't think there is a chance in hell that she could ever like me too in any way other than platonically. Absolutely no way.

Not that a friendship couldn't be enough. I'm asexual and don't really believe in romance either - at least nor mono-normative romance. I named my dog after platonic relationships after all. But my inner therapist tells me its not a good idea to be friends if we feel differently about each other.

Why can't there just be a college for ace queerplatonic partnerships, so I could fall for people who are like me? Oh yeah, because you can't monetize that. Damn you capitalism.

#mh #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #NotJustScared #crush #squish #love #asexual #QueerPlatonic #GroupDynamics #friendship

Tuesday was the first day of college to study social pedagogy and I already love it.
It's going to be every tuesday apart from holidays for the next 3 years and from now on I can bring my dog Platon.

It's going to be all about emotional and social competences, group dynamics and reflection. I have a love-hate relationship with these things. On the one hand I think they are exactly what society lacks and I want to study them and be able to teach people. AND I want to be a social being with friends and (a) partner(s).
On the other hand IRL group dynamics and social interactions have been the death of me.

I tend to be the outsider in each group and feel even more so. The feeling of being excluded crushes me and I stut down even more. It's a vicious cycle I've been working on and I might be better equipped to deal with now, after many years of therapy (for depression and social anxiety), than ever before. But also I am more radical now than ever before (thanks to the Fediverse) and that tends to get in the way of people warming up to me.

At one point there was an introduction round with names, (I was the only one doing pronouns - just like I'm the only one wearing a mask), experiences in the psycho-social field, what brought us to social pedagogy and what are our hopes and fears for the college. For my fear I mentioned the group dynamics thing, which was probably a good choice. I could have mentioned my fear of falling in love with another member of the group and I could have named a name, even though this was the second time I saw her.

And that's my much bigger fear and something I hate about me. I'm going to spend the next 3 years with these 19 women and 6 guys. I don't really know any of them yet, don't know what they're like and if they are compatible with me (for friendship or whatever). But I already know I'll only have eyes for that one woman for 3 years just because she is "my type".

I hate judging people by their looks which has to be all this is - I'm not that good a judge of character that I could possibly claim that I'm crushing on her character. I mean. The women I fall for tend to be the same type of character apart from looks too, but still.

I wish there was a potion that protects from falling in love. Lacking that I'll have to manage with skills, distractions and probably therapy again. Maybe it will work out and I won't have my next depression. Oh and just in case you're wondering: No, I don't think there is a chance in hell that she could ever like me too in any way other than platonically. Absolutely no way.

Not that a friendship couldn't be enough. I'm asexual and don't really believe in romance either - at least nor mono-normative romance. I named my dog after platonic relationships after all. But my inner therapist tells me its not a good idea to be friends if we feel differently about each other.

Why can't there just be a college for ace queerplatonic partnerships, so I could fall for people who are like me? Oh yeah, because you can't monetize that. Damn you capitalism.

#mh #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #NotJustScared #crush #squish #love #asexual #QueerPlatonic #GroupDynamics #friendship

#ThiccThursday I suppose!

Dogs come with love handles because we have so much extra love to share~

#Belly #Squish #GayBear #Hairy