#socialphobia — Public Fediverse posts

I love college, I love my classmates and there are a few fellows I get along with quite well, but there is just one I dare ask if she wants to do a group assignment together.
In one subject we get group assignments every semester.

In the first semester I got into a group with lots of luck and a little bit overcoming my inhibitions and then did the assignment alone for the group. In the second semester I handed it in alone, after asking the teacher if that was okay due to my social anxiety.

This semester I thought I'd ask the one person I dare to ask before we even get the assignment. But she already kinda decided she'd do it with another fellow each semester. I get along with the other fellow and I think we're supposed to do it in groups of about 3 people anyway, still I don't dare to ask if I can join.

And just to be clear, because I think this is a common misconception (or rather it's probably true for many other people with social phobia): I don't fear the rejection, I rather fear people not rejecting because social norms dictate not to.
Its not fear of rejection, its a feeling of inferiority. I simply don't want to burden someone with having to deal with me, if I'm not sure its okay for them.

And I know this is completely irrational as this is a written assignment, where the group never has to meet, only send a few text messages back and forth to decide who writes which part (btw imo this is a very useless kind of 'group assigment', but I get why the teacher does it: she doesn't get payed to proofread 26 assignments). Still its impossible for me.

At least on most days it is. The severity of my social anxiety correlates with my self-worth, which fluctuates between self-hatred and indifference and on some rare days it reaches feeling kinda good about myself. On those days I can sometimes do the impossible.

And self-worth again is nothing rational. Rationally I consider myself above average in empathy, kindness and solidarity. But that doesn't help.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #SelfWorth #SelfHatred

I love college, I love my classmates and there are a few fellows I get along with quite well, but there is just one I dare ask if she wants to do a group assignment together.
In one subject we get group assignments every semester.

In the first semester I got into a group with lots of luck and a little bit overcoming my inhibitions and then did the assignment alone for the group. In the second semester I handed it in alone, after asking the teacher if that was okay due to my social anxiety.

This semester I thought I'd ask the one person I dare to ask before we even get the assignment. But she already kinda decided she'd do it with another fellow each semester. I get along with the other fellow and I think we're supposed to do it in groups of about 3 people anyway, still I don't dare to ask if I can join.

And just to be clear, because I think this is a common misconception (or rather it's probably true for many other people with social phobia): I don't fear the rejection, I rather fear people not rejecting because social norms dictate not to.
Its not fear of rejection, its a feeling of inferiority. I simply don't want to burden someone with having to deal with me, if I'm not sure its okay for them.

And I know this is completely irrational as this is a written assignment, where the group never has to meet, only send a few text messages back and forth to decide who writes which part (btw imo this is a very useless kind of 'group assigment', but I get why the teacher does it: she doesn't get payed to proofread 26 assignments). Still its impossible for me.

At least on most days it is. The severity of my social anxiety correlates with my self-worth, which fluctuates between self-hatred and indifference and on some rare days it reaches feeling kinda good about myself. On those days I can sometimes do the impossible.

And self-worth again is nothing rational. Rationally I consider myself above average in empathy, kindness and solidarity. But that doesn't help.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #SelfWorth #SelfHatred

I love college, I love my classmates and there are a few fellows I get along with quite well, but there is just one I dare ask if she wants to do a group assignment together.
In one subject we get group assignments every semester.

In the first semester I got into a group with lots of luck and a little bit overcoming my inhibitions and then did the assignment alone for the group. In the second semester I handed it in alone, after asking the teacher if that was okay due to my social anxiety.

This semester I thought I'd ask the one person I dare to ask before we even get the assignment. But she already kinda decided she'd do it with another fellow each semester. I get along with the other fellow and I think we're supposed to do it in groups of about 3 people anyway, still I don't dare to ask if I can join.

And just to be clear, because I think this is a common misconception (or rather it's probably true for many other people with social phobia): I don't fear the rejection, I rather fear people not rejecting because social norms dictate not to.
Its not fear of rejection, its a feeling of inferiority. I simply don't want to burden someone with having to deal with me, if I'm not sure its okay for them.

And I know this is completely irrational as this is a written assignment, where the group never has to meet, only send a few text messages back and forth to decide who writes which part (btw imo this is a very useless kind of 'group assigment', but I get why the teacher does it: she doesn't get payed to proofread 26 assignments). Still its impossible for me.

At least on most days it is. The severity of my social anxiety correlates with my self-worth, which fluctuates between self-hatred and indifference and on some rare days it reaches feeling kinda good about myself. On those days I can sometimes do the impossible.

And self-worth again is nothing rational. Rationally I consider myself above average in empathy, kindness and solidarity. But that doesn't help.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #SelfWorth #SelfHatred

I love college, I love my classmates and there are a few fellows I get along with quite well, but there is just one I dare ask if she wants to do a group assignment together.
In one subject we get group assignments every semester.

In the first semester I got into a group with lots of luck and a little bit overcoming my inhibitions and then did the assignment alone for the group. In the second semester I handed it in alone, after asking the teacher if that was okay due to my social anxiety.

This semester I thought I'd ask the one person I dare to ask before we even get the assignment. But she already kinda decided she'd do it with another fellow each semester. I get along with the other fellow and I think we're supposed to do it in groups of about 3 people anyway, still I don't dare to ask if I can join.

And just to be clear, because I think this is a common misconception (or rather it's probably true for many other people with social phobia): I don't fear the rejection, I rather fear people not rejecting because social norms dictate not to.
Its not fear of rejection, its a feeling of inferiority. I simply don't want to burden someone with having to deal with me, if I'm not sure its okay for them.

And I know this is completely irrational as this is a written assignment, where the group never has to meet, only send a few text messages back and forth to decide who writes which part (btw imo this is a very useless kind of 'group assigment', but I get why the teacher does it: she doesn't get payed to proofread 26 assignments). Still its impossible for me.

At least on most days it is. The severity of my social anxiety correlates with my self-worth, which fluctuates between self-hatred and indifference and on some rare days it reaches feeling kinda good about myself. On those days I can sometimes do the impossible.

And self-worth again is nothing rational. Rationally I consider myself above average in empathy, kindness and solidarity. But that doesn't help.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #SelfWorth #SelfHatred

I'm a big fan of open communication.
There is just one thing I can think of, that should absolutely be kept quiet/private unless you and your conversation partner*s are discussing consentually putting it into action: sexual fantasies involving the other person*s.

I'm asexual and don't have such fantasies, so this doesn't apply to me.

But there is also one thing that, in my experience, is not a good idea to talk openly about: platonic fantasies.

Telling another person, you desperatly want to be close friends with them, but the tiny attempts to initiate friendship so far over the past year was everything you got, so if they wanted to be friends too, they'd have to put in most of the work, doesn't usually go well.

It doesn't help that I keep having these fantasies for people who are not availible for friendships.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #friendship #friendships #friends #platonic #lonely #loneliness #communication

I'm a big fan of open communication.
There is just one thing I can think of, that should absolutely be kept quiet/private unless you and your conversation partner*s are discussing consentually putting it into action: sexual fantasies involving the other person*s.

I'm asexual and don't have such fantasies, so this doesn't apply to me.

But there is also one thing that, in my experience, is not a good idea to talk openly about: platonic fantasies.

Telling another person, you desperatly want to be close friends with them, but the tiny attempts to initiate friendship so far over the past year was everything you got, so if they wanted to be friends too, they'd have to put in most of the work, doesn't usually go well.

It doesn't help that I keep having these fantasies for people who are not availible for friendships.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #friendship #friendships #friends #platonic #lonely #loneliness #communication

I'm a big fan of open communication.
There is just one thing I can think of, that should absolutely be kept quiet/private unless you and your conversation partner*s are discussing consentually putting it into action: sexual fantasies involving the other person*s.

I'm asexual and don't have such fantasies, so this doesn't apply to me.

But there is also one thing that, in my experience, is not a good idea to talk openly about: platonic fantasies.

Telling another person, you desperatly want to be close friends with them, but the tiny attempts to initiate friendship so far over the past year was everything you got, so if they wanted to be friends too, they'd have to put in most of the work, doesn't usually go well.

It doesn't help that I keep having these fantasies for people who are not availible for friendships.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #friendship #friendships #friends #platonic #lonely #loneliness #communication

I'm a big fan of open communication.
There is just one thing I can think of, that should absolutely be kept quiet/private unless you and your conversation partner*s are discussing consentually putting it into action: sexual fantasies involving the other person*s.

I'm asexual and don't have such fantasies, so this doesn't apply to me.

But there is also one thing that, in my experience, is not a good idea to talk openly about: platonic fantasies.

Telling another person, you desperatly want to be close friends with them, but the tiny attempts to initiate friendship so far over the past year was everything you got, so if they wanted to be friends too, they'd have to put in most of the work, doesn't usually go well.

It doesn't help that I keep having these fantasies for people who are not availible for friendships.

#SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #friendship #friendships #friends #platonic #lonely #loneliness #communication

I really envy people who have a comfort zone.

I just left, because group dynamics were too stressful, only to be more stressed by leaving, lonelyness, feeling of being excluded or rather excluding myself and ultimately self-hatred and doubting any progress that I ever made, because the biggest question still seems unsolvable.
The question of how to leave a comfort zone that doesn't exist looks easy in comparison to this: "If I have to love myself before anyone else can love me, and the reason I hate myself is because nobody ever loved me, does that mean I should just give up?"

#mh #GroupDynamics #FeelingLeftOut #SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #NotJustShy #NotJustLonely #SelfHatred

I really envy people who have a comfort zone.

I just left, because group dynamics were too stressful, only to be more stressed by leaving, lonelyness, feeling of being excluded or rather excluding myself and ultimately self-hatred and doubting any progress that I ever made, because the biggest question still seems unsolvable.
The question of how to leave a comfort zone that doesn't exist looks easy in comparison to this: "If I have to love myself before anyone else can love me, and the reason I hate myself is because nobody ever loved me, does that mean I should just give up?"

#mh #GroupDynamics #FeelingLeftOut #SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #NotJustShy #NotJustLonely #SelfHatred

I really envy people who have a comfort zone.

I just left, because group dynamics were too stressful, only to be more stressed by leaving, lonelyness, feeling of being excluded or rather excluding myself and ultimately self-hatred and doubting any progress that I ever made, because the biggest question still seems unsolvable.
The question of how to leave a comfort zone that doesn't exist looks easy in comparison to this: "If I have to love myself before anyone else can love me, and the reason I hate myself is because nobody ever loved me, does that mean I should just give up?"

#mh #GroupDynamics #FeelingLeftOut #SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #NotJustShy #NotJustLonely #SelfHatred

I really envy people who have a comfort zone.

I just left, because group dynamics were too stressful, only to be more stressed by leaving, lonelyness, feeling of being excluded or rather excluding myself and ultimately self-hatred and doubting any progress that I ever made, because the biggest question still seems unsolvable.
The question of how to leave a comfort zone that doesn't exist looks easy in comparison to this: "If I have to love myself before anyone else can love me, and the reason I hate myself is because nobody ever loved me, does that mean I should just give up?"

#mh #GroupDynamics #FeelingLeftOut #SocialAnxiety #SocialPhobia #NotJustShy #NotJustLonely #SelfHatred