#showingup — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #showingup, aggregated by home.social.
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One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
Some mornings I cover five kilometers, some mornings barely three.
The distance doesn't matter. It's the showing up that builds something steady.
What practice do you return to, even when it's hard?
#consistency #dailypractice #discipline
#mindfulness #dedication #showingup
#practicenotperfection #quietstrength #commitment -
Some mornings I cover five kilometers, some mornings barely three.
The distance doesn't matter. It's the showing up that builds something steady.
What practice do you return to, even when it's hard?
#consistency #dailypractice #discipline
#mindfulness #dedication #showingup
#practicenotperfection #quietstrength #commitment -
Some mornings I cover five kilometers, some mornings barely three.
The distance doesn't matter. It's the showing up that builds something steady.
What practice do you return to, even when it's hard?
#consistency #dailypractice #discipline
#mindfulness #dedication #showingup
#practicenotperfection #quietstrength #commitment -
Some mornings I cover five kilometers, some mornings barely three.
The distance doesn't matter. It's the showing up that builds something steady.
What practice do you return to, even when it's hard?
#consistency #dailypractice #discipline
#mindfulness #dedication #showingup
#practicenotperfection #quietstrength #commitment -
Some mornings I cover five kilometers, some mornings barely three.
The distance doesn't matter. It's the showing up that builds something steady.
What practice do you return to, even when it's hard?
#consistency #dailypractice #discipline
#mindfulness #dedication #showingup
#practicenotperfection #quietstrength #commitment -
This week's #volunteer work: Mojo and I served at a "what does #mentalhealth health mean to me?" Big Brothers and Big Sisters art workshop.
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This week's #volunteer work: Mojo and I served at a "what does #mentalhealth health mean to me?" Big Brothers and Big Sisters art workshop.
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This week's #volunteer work: Mojo and I served at a "what does #mentalhealth health mean to me?" Big Brothers and Big Sisters art workshop.
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This week's #volunteer work: Mojo and I served at a "what does #mentalhealth health mean to me?" Big Brothers and Big Sisters art workshop.
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This week's #volunteer work: Mojo and I served at a "what does #mentalhealth health mean to me?" Big Brothers and Big Sisters art workshop.
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“Always know that real progress is often invisible, boring, repetitive.” - Futurist Jim Carroll
--
Futurist Jim Carroll is writing a series, The Art of the Infinite Pivot, based on 36 lessons from his 36 years as a solo entrepreneur, working as a nomadic worker in the global freelance economy. The series is unfolding here, and at pivot.jimcarroll.com.
--Your success will often not involve huge home runs that have you cheering with joy. It will come about through small bunts, working the bases, advancing slowly but surely towards a goal, and muttering about the pace.
Treat your progress as such.
Right now, this can be a challenge. After all, we live in a "highlight reel" culture. We see the successful keynote, the published book, or the smooth career pivot and assume that it all happened in a flash of inspiration. But in my 36-year voyage, I’ve learned that the most profound breakthroughs and the biggest wins are rarely the result of a sudden lightning bolt. They are the result of the quiet, daily discipline of showing up when it feels like nothing is changing. Playing the clubs. Putting in the work. Advancing slowly but steadily.
I did a lot of small events in rural America and small towns in Canada before I hit the big stages of Las Vegas. It was often boringly dull, excruciatingly tiring, and sometimes, with a detached audience, not terribly motivating. But through that, I learned that success is often built on "invisible progress." The small steps that get you closer to a big goal.
For me, success and learning are about the hundredth hour spent in the lab struggling with a Linux configuration.
It’s the years of writing a Daily Inspiration post without missing a single workday.
It’s the repetitive act of studying a disruptive trend long before the world notices it.
It was spending time on stages that sometimes I did not want to be on.
Most people quit during this "boring" phase. They mistake the lack of immediate feedback for a lack of progress. They want the dopamine hit of a "win" every day. But as a practitioner, you have to realize that you are building up your skills, capabilities, and knowledge.
The amateur waits for the quick hit.
The master relies on patience and effort.
Success isn't a sprint; it’s the compound interest of your daily discipline.
---
Futurist Jim Carroll has put in the work. He still does. Every day.
**#Progress** **#Invisible** **#Boring** **#Repetitive** **#Patience** **#Discipline** **#Daily** **#ShowingUp** **#Consistency** **#Compound** **#Effort** **#Foundation** **#Quiet** **#SmallSteps** **#Work** **#Freelance** **#Lessons** **#Mastery** **#Persistence** **#Grind** **#Building** **#Success** **#Highlights** **#Bunts** **#Onwards**
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“Always know that real progress is often invisible, boring, repetitive.” - Futurist Jim Carroll
--
Futurist Jim Carroll is writing a series, The Art of the Infinite Pivot, based on 36 lessons from his 36 years as a solo entrepreneur, working as a nomadic worker in the global freelance economy. The series is unfolding here, and at pivot.jimcarroll.com.
--Your success will often not involve huge home runs that have you cheering with joy. It will come about through small bunts, working the bases, advancing slowly but surely towards a goal, and muttering about the pace.
Treat your progress as such.
Right now, this can be a challenge. After all, we live in a "highlight reel" culture. We see the successful keynote, the published book, or the smooth career pivot and assume that it all happened in a flash of inspiration. But in my 36-year voyage, I’ve learned that the most profound breakthroughs and the biggest wins are rarely the result of a sudden lightning bolt. They are the result of the quiet, daily discipline of showing up when it feels like nothing is changing. Playing the clubs. Putting in the work. Advancing slowly but steadily.
I did a lot of small events in rural America and small towns in Canada before I hit the big stages of Las Vegas. It was often boringly dull, excruciatingly tiring, and sometimes, with a detached audience, not terribly motivating. But through that, I learned that success is often built on "invisible progress." The small steps that get you closer to a big goal.
For me, success and learning are about the hundredth hour spent in the lab struggling with a Linux configuration.
It’s the years of writing a Daily Inspiration post without missing a single workday.
It’s the repetitive act of studying a disruptive trend long before the world notices it.
It was spending time on stages that sometimes I did not want to be on.
Most people quit during this "boring" phase. They mistake the lack of immediate feedback for a lack of progress. They want the dopamine hit of a "win" every day. But as a practitioner, you have to realize that you are building up your skills, capabilities, and knowledge.
The amateur waits for the quick hit.
The master relies on patience and effort.
Success isn't a sprint; it’s the compound interest of your daily discipline.
---
Futurist Jim Carroll has put in the work. He still does. Every day.
**#Progress** **#Invisible** **#Boring** **#Repetitive** **#Patience** **#Discipline** **#Daily** **#ShowingUp** **#Consistency** **#Compound** **#Effort** **#Foundation** **#Quiet** **#SmallSteps** **#Work** **#Freelance** **#Lessons** **#Mastery** **#Persistence** **#Grind** **#Building** **#Success** **#Highlights** **#Bunts** **#Onwards**
-
“Always know that real progress is often invisible, boring, repetitive.” - Futurist Jim Carroll
--
Futurist Jim Carroll is writing a series, The Art of the Infinite Pivot, based on 36 lessons from his 36 years as a solo entrepreneur, working as a nomadic worker in the global freelance economy. The series is unfolding here, and at pivot.jimcarroll.com.
--Your success will often not involve huge home runs that have you cheering with joy. It will come about through small bunts, working the bases, advancing slowly but surely towards a goal, and muttering about the pace.
Treat your progress as such.
Right now, this can be a challenge. After all, we live in a "highlight reel" culture. We see the successful keynote, the published book, or the smooth career pivot and assume that it all happened in a flash of inspiration. But in my 36-year voyage, I’ve learned that the most profound breakthroughs and the biggest wins are rarely the result of a sudden lightning bolt. They are the result of the quiet, daily discipline of showing up when it feels like nothing is changing. Playing the clubs. Putting in the work. Advancing slowly but steadily.
I did a lot of small events in rural America and small towns in Canada before I hit the big stages of Las Vegas. It was often boringly dull, excruciatingly tiring, and sometimes, with a detached audience, not terribly motivating. But through that, I learned that success is often built on "invisible progress." The small steps that get you closer to a big goal.
For me, success and learning are about the hundredth hour spent in the lab struggling with a Linux configuration.
It’s the years of writing a Daily Inspiration post without missing a single workday.
It’s the repetitive act of studying a disruptive trend long before the world notices it.
It was spending time on stages that sometimes I did not want to be on.
Most people quit during this "boring" phase. They mistake the lack of immediate feedback for a lack of progress. They want the dopamine hit of a "win" every day. But as a practitioner, you have to realize that you are building up your skills, capabilities, and knowledge.
The amateur waits for the quick hit.
The master relies on patience and effort.
Success isn't a sprint; it’s the compound interest of your daily discipline.
---
Futurist Jim Carroll has put in the work. He still does. Every day.
**#Progress** **#Invisible** **#Boring** **#Repetitive** **#Patience** **#Discipline** **#Daily** **#ShowingUp** **#Consistency** **#Compound** **#Effort** **#Foundation** **#Quiet** **#SmallSteps** **#Work** **#Freelance** **#Lessons** **#Mastery** **#Persistence** **#Grind** **#Building** **#Success** **#Highlights** **#Bunts** **#Onwards**
-
“Always know that real progress is often invisible, boring, repetitive.” - Futurist Jim Carroll
--
Futurist Jim Carroll is writing a series, The Art of the Infinite Pivot, based on 36 lessons from his 36 years as a solo entrepreneur, working as a nomadic worker in the global freelance economy. The series is unfolding here, and at pivot.jimcarroll.com.
--Your success will often not involve huge home runs that have you cheering with joy. It will come about through small bunts, working the bases, advancing slowly but surely towards a goal, and muttering about the pace.
Treat your progress as such.
Right now, this can be a challenge. After all, we live in a "highlight reel" culture. We see the successful keynote, the published book, or the smooth career pivot and assume that it all happened in a flash of inspiration. But in my 36-year voyage, I’ve learned that the most profound breakthroughs and the biggest wins are rarely the result of a sudden lightning bolt. They are the result of the quiet, daily discipline of showing up when it feels like nothing is changing. Playing the clubs. Putting in the work. Advancing slowly but steadily.
I did a lot of small events in rural America and small towns in Canada before I hit the big stages of Las Vegas. It was often boringly dull, excruciatingly tiring, and sometimes, with a detached audience, not terribly motivating. But through that, I learned that success is often built on "invisible progress." The small steps that get you closer to a big goal.
For me, success and learning are about the hundredth hour spent in the lab struggling with a Linux configuration.
It’s the years of writing a Daily Inspiration post without missing a single workday.
It’s the repetitive act of studying a disruptive trend long before the world notices it.
It was spending time on stages that sometimes I did not want to be on.
Most people quit during this "boring" phase. They mistake the lack of immediate feedback for a lack of progress. They want the dopamine hit of a "win" every day. But as a practitioner, you have to realize that you are building up your skills, capabilities, and knowledge.
The amateur waits for the quick hit.
The master relies on patience and effort.
Success isn't a sprint; it’s the compound interest of your daily discipline.
---
Futurist Jim Carroll has put in the work. He still does. Every day.
**#Progress** **#Invisible** **#Boring** **#Repetitive** **#Patience** **#Discipline** **#Daily** **#ShowingUp** **#Consistency** **#Compound** **#Effort** **#Foundation** **#Quiet** **#SmallSteps** **#Work** **#Freelance** **#Lessons** **#Mastery** **#Persistence** **#Grind** **#Building** **#Success** **#Highlights** **#Bunts** **#Onwards**
-
“Always know that real progress is often invisible, boring, repetitive.” - Futurist Jim Carroll
--
Futurist Jim Carroll is writing a series, The Art of the Infinite Pivot, based on 36 lessons from his 36 years as a solo entrepreneur, working as a nomadic worker in the global freelance economy. The series is unfolding here, and at pivot.jimcarroll.com.
--Your success will often not involve huge home runs that have you cheering with joy. It will come about through small bunts, working the bases, advancing slowly but surely towards a goal, and muttering about the pace.
Treat your progress as such.
Right now, this can be a challenge. After all, we live in a "highlight reel" culture. We see the successful keynote, the published book, or the smooth career pivot and assume that it all happened in a flash of inspiration. But in my 36-year voyage, I’ve learned that the most profound breakthroughs and the biggest wins are rarely the result of a sudden lightning bolt. They are the result of the quiet, daily discipline of showing up when it feels like nothing is changing. Playing the clubs. Putting in the work. Advancing slowly but steadily.
I did a lot of small events in rural America and small towns in Canada before I hit the big stages of Las Vegas. It was often boringly dull, excruciatingly tiring, and sometimes, with a detached audience, not terribly motivating. But through that, I learned that success is often built on "invisible progress." The small steps that get you closer to a big goal.
For me, success and learning are about the hundredth hour spent in the lab struggling with a Linux configuration.
It’s the years of writing a Daily Inspiration post without missing a single workday.
It’s the repetitive act of studying a disruptive trend long before the world notices it.
It was spending time on stages that sometimes I did not want to be on.
Most people quit during this "boring" phase. They mistake the lack of immediate feedback for a lack of progress. They want the dopamine hit of a "win" every day. But as a practitioner, you have to realize that you are building up your skills, capabilities, and knowledge.
The amateur waits for the quick hit.
The master relies on patience and effort.
Success isn't a sprint; it’s the compound interest of your daily discipline.
---
Futurist Jim Carroll has put in the work. He still does. Every day.
**#Progress** **#Invisible** **#Boring** **#Repetitive** **#Patience** **#Discipline** **#Daily** **#ShowingUp** **#Consistency** **#Compound** **#Effort** **#Foundation** **#Quiet** **#SmallSteps** **#Work** **#Freelance** **#Lessons** **#Mastery** **#Persistence** **#Grind** **#Building** **#Success** **#Highlights** **#Bunts** **#Onwards**
-
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
One entry I wrote as a failure turned out to be the most important sentence in the notebook.
It said: practiced for twenty minutes. Nothing happened. But I stayed.
When did showing up without results teach you something?
#yogapractice #discipline #showingup
#contemplativepractice #dailypractice #meditationpractice
#yogajournal #practicejournal #mindfulness -
Elections are won by those that show up.
If you dont 'like' the results, show up.
Primaries are yours. Show up.
AOC primaried a powerful democrat, no one thought it was useful, a kid, and now AOC is a poll building significant candidate to be the Democratic Party Presidential nominee.
No one thought Mamdani could win the Primary. Now Mamdani is the party in New York. The governor seeks HIS endorsement.
Show up.
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Elections are won by those that show up.
If you dont 'like' the results, show up.
Primaries are yours. Show up.
AOC primaried a powerful democrat, no one thought it was useful, a kid, and now AOC is a poll building significant candidate to be the Democratic Party Presidential nominee.
No one thought Mamdani could win the Primary. Now Mamdani is the party in New York. The governor seeks HIS endorsement.
Show up.
-
Elections are won by those that show up.
If you dont 'like' the results, show up.
Primaries are yours. Show up.
AOC primaried a powerful democrat, no one thought it was useful, a kid, and now AOC is a poll building significant candidate to be the Democratic Party Presidential nominee.
No one thought Mamdani could win the Primary. Now Mamdani is the party in New York. The governor seeks HIS endorsement.
Show up.
-
Elections are won by those that show up.
If you dont 'like' the results, show up.
Primaries are yours. Show up.
AOC primaried a powerful democrat, no one thought it was useful, a kid, and now AOC is a poll building significant candidate to be the Democratic Party Presidential nominee.
No one thought Mamdani could win the Primary. Now Mamdani is the party in New York. The governor seeks HIS endorsement.
Show up.
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The most important thing you can do is show up. Consistency builds the strongest communities. #showingup #community #mentalhealth
https://artsincubator.ca/motivation/quiet-strength-showing-up.html
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The most important thing you can do is show up. Consistency builds the strongest communities. #showingup #community #mentalhealth
https://artsincubator.ca/motivation/quiet-strength-showing-up.html
-
The most important thing you can do is show up. Consistency builds the strongest communities. #showingup #community #mentalhealth
https://artsincubator.ca/motivation/quiet-strength-showing-up.html
-
The most important thing you can do is show up. Consistency builds the strongest communities. #showingup #community #mentalhealth
https://artsincubator.ca/motivation/quiet-strength-showing-up.html
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The most important thing you can do is show up. Consistency builds the strongest communities. #showingup #community #mentalhealth
https://artsincubator.ca/motivation/quiet-strength-showing-up.html
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#NotNews24 | #UnbreaklingCatInTheHaturdayNotNews; #IT's #TotallyNotNews... With #KittenVideos...
#MyLittleBigBuddy has #JustTexted #ToSay that his #SignificantFamilyThing is #DrawingToAClose; #IT's been a #BitOfAChore, #ByAllAccounts...
#So, I've got #AnotherGoodReason to #PickHimUp and #Exercise our #EscapeRoute... #WeHaveAPlan...
#IT's #OK... #Coffeezilla is #Still #ShowingUp in my #YouTube...
🧙⚕️🤖:wolfparty:🤖⚕️🧙 | :fediverse:🦹:PirateBadge:🦄:PirateBadge:🦹:fediverse:
#BeingLegal #StillLegal #StayingEuropean #MostlyEurope #ThisAintTexas #StillNotTexas #AlsoNotKansas #MakeTimeForBacon
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Some mornings I cover five kilometers, some mornings barely three.
The distance doesn't matter. It's the showing up that builds something steady.What practice do you return to, even when it's hard?#consistency #dailypractice #discipline#mindfulness #dedication #showingup#practicenotperfection #quietstrength #commitment -
Some mornings I cover five kilometers, some mornings barely three.
The distance doesn't matter. It's the showing up that builds something steady.What practice do you return to, even when it's hard?#consistency #dailypractice #discipline#mindfulness #dedication #showingup#practicenotperfection #quietstrength #commitment -
The "Veteran Blogger" Wisdom
Running three sites for 7 years has taught me one thing: Consistency beats talent every time.
Whether it’s researching for Information Site, tracking joy for Fun Funds, or scaling for Promote Biz, showing up is 90% of the battle.
For the creators in my circle: What keeps you consistent on the days you don't feel like working?#showingup #ontheday #veteran #blogger #wisdom #sites #site #years #consistency #talent #funandgames #funds #battle #creator
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Man's response to his girlfriend's hormonal breakdown taught 2.7 million people how to love again
https://web.brid.gy/r/https://www.upworthy.com/man-wins-with-crashout-response
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Man's response to his girlfriend's hormonal breakdown taught 2.7 million people how to love again
https://web.brid.gy/r/https://www.upworthy.com/man-wins-with-crashout-response
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Man's response to his girlfriend's hormonal breakdown taught 2.7 million people how to love again
https://web.brid.gy/r/https://www.upworthy.com/man-wins-with-crashout-response
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like an inkblot
I attended St John’s College in Annapolis, MD for my freshman year of college. My dad died at the beginning of second semester. I was a young eighteen, already struggling deeply with depression. I didn’t think I would live to see my eighteenth year, and losing him fucking gutted me. I spent the remainder of the year an angry, lonely ghost. It broke me to such a degree that my headmate Eight took over as host for the first time in my system’s life, setting off a power struggle that would persist for many years to come.
I would later write of that period in my life around a year later:
"my father
they say
i had a father once
i can’t forget his eyes
green olives from the top down
and this man i do not know
may have created me
but i hope he won’t keep me
for his own
i am not even my own
and i keep telling the same
old stories to new people
i wish i could make myself new
i wish i could bring him back
i wish none of this shit would
have ever happened
i wish that the olives had never
gone
oh, stranger
take this cup from me
will i die if i drink?
blessed are the poor in spirit
for they will inherit a life i
do not want
nonethelessnot my will but yours"
Now, the interesting thing about the way they do things at St John’s College is that there aren’t any final exams. Instead, all your instructors gather in a room at the end of the year and tell you what you did wrong and what you did well. They call this unique form of humiliation the “Don Rag”. It was fair to say that I was absolutely not a good student, especially considering the circumstances, and they did not go easy on me. That being said, my seminar instructors said something that’s stuck with me for the past decade. It was something to the effect of, “even if they can’t make it through a full class or can do nothing else, they show up.” Many of my instructors echoed the same thing, including my Greek instructor, who had told me earlier that year that I show up even when I look like I want to be blotted off the face of the earth.
That’s something I take a lot of pride in. I do my utmost to show the fuck up, no matter what shape I’m in. I don’t give a flying fuck if I have to come up with 17,000 workarounds in the process, if I want something, I show the fuck up, I put in the work and I get it. And I love a challenge.
Many people thought I would kill myself that year and in the years to come. My writing and my friends saved my life. I hated myself, and that was apparent in nearly everything I did. But I lived, despite not wanting to. My depression is much better now that I’ve gotten out of Texas, stopped pushing myself so damn hard, and I have better medical care. I’m tremendously thankful for that.
So here’s to showing up, again and again.
-Allēna
-
like an inkblot
I attended St John’s College in Annapolis, MD for my freshman year of college. My dad died at the beginning of second semester. I was a young eighteen, already struggling deeply with depression. I didn’t think I would live to see my eighteenth year, and losing him fucking gutted me. I spent the remainder of the year an angry, lonely ghost. It broke me to such a degree that my headmate Eight took over as host for the first time in my system’s life, setting off a power struggle that would persist for many years to come.
I would later write of that period in my life around a year later:
"my father
they say
i had a father once
i can’t forget his eyes
green olives from the top down
and this man i do not know
may have created me
but i hope he won’t keep me
for his own
i am not even my own
and i keep telling the same
old stories to new people
i wish i could make myself new
i wish i could bring him back
i wish none of this shit would
have ever happened
i wish that the olives had never
gone
oh, stranger
take this cup from me
will i die if i drink?
blessed are the poor in spirit
for they will inherit a life i
do not want
nonethelessnot my will but yours"
Now, the interesting thing about the way they do things at St John’s College is that there aren’t any final exams. Instead, all your instructors gather in a room at the end of the year and tell you what you did wrong and what you did well. They call this unique form of humiliation the “Don Rag”. It was fair to say that I was absolutely not a good student, especially considering the circumstances, and they did not go easy on me. That being said, my seminar instructors said something that’s stuck with me for the past decade. It was something to the effect of, “even if they can’t make it through a full class or can do nothing else, they show up.” Many of my instructors echoed the same thing, including my Greek instructor, who had told me earlier that year that I show up even when I look like I want to be blotted off the face of the earth.
That’s something I take a lot of pride in. I do my utmost to show the fuck up, no matter what shape I’m in. I don’t give a flying fuck if I have to come up with 17,000 workarounds in the process, if I want something, I show the fuck up, I put in the work and I get it. And I love a challenge.
Many people thought I would kill myself that year and in the years to come. My writing and my friends saved my life. I hated myself, and that was apparent in nearly everything I did. But I lived, despite not wanting to. My depression is much better now that I’ve gotten out of Texas, stopped pushing myself so damn hard, and I have better medical care. I’m tremendously thankful for that.
So here’s to showing up, again and again.
-Allēna
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Year 26
25 years as an educator—and at least a dozen more before that coaching, mentoring, running camps, leading arts programs, and engaging in general kid-centered monkey business (some of which may have included dodgeballs, duct tape, and popsicle sticks). It’s been, quite literally, a lifetime of working with young people—changing lives, dodging glitter explosions, and watching the world change in return. Now, as I step into Year 26, I find myself closer to the end of the tunnel than ever […] -
Year 26
25 years as an educator—and at least a dozen more before that coaching, mentoring, running camps, leading arts programs, and engaging in general kid-centered monkey business (some of which may have included dodgeballs, duct tape, and popsicle sticks). It’s been, quite literally, a lifetime of working with young people—changing lives, dodging glitter explosions, and watching the world change in return. Now, as I step into Year 26, I find myself closer to the end of the tunnel than ever […]