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404 results for “Soldusty”
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Nope 😩, not going outside today. Woke up & after breakfast & nixing some time, I'm still devoid of spoons 😱.
I have dice & my invisible spoon factory is finally beginning to process them into spoons 😌 :dancing_lizard: .So, after a little light washing up it will be an easy day but can I generate enough spoons in time to finish the Yule decorations before teatime 🤔😰?
*strikes dramatic Shakespearian pose*
Is it xmas burnout or just regular burnout with bells & flashy coloured lights, this is the question? -
CW: Nightmare with child harm, the state of the world because of the few world class criminals.
Weird, or just because of the state of the world.
Looking at you, Fart stain (trump) & you Nastyyahoo (Netinyahu(?)) In particular. Putler's (Putin's) lackies, doing his dirty work? 🤷Woke up because of bad dream that would definitely fit in with the kind of horror movies involving the supernatural & hauntings. I don't remember much apart from the most horrendous outcome, resulting in the house, or people being haunted by a screaming baby that's completely unrecognisable because it's just this black shape, burned completely.
That's probably the bit that woke me up.Checked the time (07:30) & tried to get back to sleep... Must have drifted as I found myself with the same people being forced to go different ways one North, the other South & a long way away from their home. They split up to wait for, I assume their respective transport.
Dream cuts to the inhuman screaming from previous dream & I'm back at the place that's now haunted by this ghost or entity of this burned baby. It's pitch black but when the ghost shows up I can still see it's shiny black form that looks like it's become more demon with more bulk & fat folds than any baby would have.
That's my cue & I'm awake. It's 08:00.I felt awake but my eyes were & at 09:00 (now) still are, "nope, not ready."
This timeline is gross.
Why are people who have rap sheets a mile long & growing day by day in charge of entire countries, with other countries (🙄SOME other countries), mine included 🫣🤬, more or less going, "yes sir ,no sir, three bags full." for these criminals who should have been jailed years ago?!Sorry for spreading more negativity but I needed it out & shouting at a wall or a door wasn't going to cut it.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #Depression #SleepProblems
#Greed #PoliticalCorruption #CriminalsInPower #MassMurderers
#RapistsInPower #PedophilesInPower #ChildMurderersInPower
#EpicFails #Enshittification -
Finally, an hour later than planned, I donned the shoes, scarf & coat. The three things essential for an explorer, or so they say.
My response: Surely, I need a full hazmat with environmental controls?
Them: (Laughter)
Me: I mean, has anybody check to see if 2026 is breathable? Checked to see if there are any airborne viruses or any harmful bacteria on anything I might touch?
Them: It's perfectly fine, can't be worse than 2020.
* shoves me into airlock *#Life #Exercise #Walk
Also, part
#Story #Fiction #Writing #Freeform #Adventure #Scribbles #ShortStory #MicroFiction -
"I need sleep now!", I said, shoving a matchstick under my eyelid.
#Story #Fiction #Writing #Adventure #ShitPost #Fun #Funny #Scribbles #ShortStory #MicroFiction
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It's 22:45 on a Friday night.
Can someone explain why I'm not enjoying supper with a movie?Funny / silly answers only.
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More art group fun.
Introducing Mr Beaky's mate, Mr Stepped-on-a-Lego.#Doodle #Art #Freeform #Pencil #PencilSketch #Sketch #Freehand #CharacterArt #Critter #Fun #FunArt #FunWithArt
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A bit of fun at the art group.
When your doodles get peckish...#Doodle #Art #Freeform #Pencil #PencilSketch #Sketch #Freehand #CharacterArt #Critter #Fun #FunArt #FunWithArt
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Treated myself to a movie on the local big screen.
Happy to report I survived Nosferatu, it's probably going to land on my DVD / Blu-ray list.I'm also now looking forward to the Stephen King movie, The Monkey but will probably require popcorn for any jump scares or in case all the best bits were all in the trailer 😁.
#MeTime #Films #Movies #BigScreen #Horror #HorrorFilms #Vampire #Nosferatu #stephenKing #TheMonkey
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Hmm 🤔. Seriously wondering if I've lost an hour or if BST just started in the middle of my evening in the middle of the week?
I'm guessing the former but it really feels like a switch was flipped & the day / clocks just jumped forward by an hour in the blink of an eye.
This makes me sad & mad 😞😣😠.
I hate it when both my autistic & ADHD selves gang up on me.
Evening plans wrecked or tomorrow wrecked if stubborn me comes along & plays along with insomnia.#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction -
Dear Old Git Time,
Please rewind, hold your horses, slow down, chill, take a break, hit pause, back it up, go back a bit, and a bit more, give me a chance, calm down dear, for the love of sanity STOP!
Yours Sincerely,
Tired of Always Losing Huge Chunks of My Day#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
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I seem to have identified a bug in my systems.
No matter how much time (in hours not minutes) I give myself to wrap my head around prepping & even starting to prep for eventually going to be at or if possible before midnight, I somehow still end up not getting to bed till 02:00 give or take half an hour.I can feel completely zonked all day or all evening due to short nights of sleep if I have to get up early. It makes no sense. I think I need to start using a metaphorical hammer & somehow persuade myself that the world won't end if I do that thing tomorrow or those things the day after.
It does seem to be because there's that one thing, out of many that's been hanging over me for days, weeks, months or longer & today was going to be the day. So it may be late but this maybe the only time I have a set of spoons the right shape or strong enough to deal with this task. It's now or never.
It can be a small complex task, revamping bullet journal templates in my more app, sorting out all the stages for a future batch cook or a long laborious one involving things I'm not keen on like clearing up cobwebs & bugs 😱 or unidentified spills, dirt & giant dust bunnies 🤢.
I've tried reminders, alarms. I've planned days where everything has all the time I need & more but inevitably this either leads to stagnation because I'm so out of spoons not helped by the side effects of lack of sleep. Alternatively, the ADHD trait of getting sidetracked comes along & nixes my timings & tasks.
I've tried getting up earlier which, unless I have an early enough appointment or planned activity with or for other people generally fail to launch on time or if I survived the important thing in the early hours, I'm then a zombie & spend more time just sitting, gathering dice / spoons by not doing anything.I keep telling myself I'll figure it out & find a way but I'm not sure I'm wired to ever find a fix for getting myself to bed before midnight.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction #LackOfFocus #SelfCare #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems
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Right, after waiting for 3 hours & a bit & being frelling hungry for the last half (it's 19:07 now) & I'm done waiting for the plumber to fix / look at the leak problem I've got.
Not happy & will probably fume in a bit.
First remove shoes & I can finally get changed into my loafing gear. That accomplished, I'm launching into my, "leave me the frell alone, unless you're on Mastodon or a critter of my imagination that's chill" mode. Oh, & stuffing my face with tea, micro-ready meal to the rescue!#Plumbers #LetDown #WaitingMode #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic
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No delivery today. Delivery tomorrow, there's always a delivery tomorrow.
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Day two of using Deezer. First day using phone app.
Deezer: Plays 2 songs... Silence
Me: Has WiFi gone weird again?... Nope.
Deezer: Want to go ad free? (Full screen ad with pause bars but not playing through it's 30 second screen time 🫤 & only other button is to go ad free 😠🤬.
Me: Press pause button... It becomes play button but nothing else changes.
Me: only way out is close app.Deezer android app users of the fediverse, is this normal?
I have zero problem with ads, provided they don't effectively break the app like Deezer's very own ad, loaded beneath an actual ad did.
Very grateful for any insights 😀.
Edited to add screenshot
#Deezer #OwnGoal #TechFails #EpicTechFails #Enshittification
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The joys of discovering that your KeePass app on phone can no longer access your database 🤬.
Guess I have two options:
1) Replace keepass but with what?
· Plus, how do / Can I import my (sub)folders & passwords?
2) The bad old days of pen & paper password storage… Gee, transferring that lot will be fun!I guess I'll try getting a fresh copy of the database onto my phone when I get to my PC first 🫤🤷.
Resync the SyncThing, thingEdit: Logged into KeePass on my PC, no problem 👍. I revealed my password before hitting the login button & realised that because using the virtual keyboard for password entry is such a complicated & alien operation I was F-ing up my password on my phone 🤣🤦.
Once I'd fixed my error & reminded myself how to type & swipe the correct password on the phone, I fixed the fingerprint login which I should have been getting access to. -
So much for watching Red Sonia on ITVX whilst I work on my BuJo pages.
Spent half an hour:
6 mins. - Trying & retrying with & without ad blocker
12 mins. - Filling in a query form. Filling in this form gave me a clue as the box for what program, was governed by a search (type in letters / words & it finds).
12 mins. - Filling in a feedback form as they clearly don't bother removing links to removed films / programs.
Nothing more annoying than thinking something is there to watch & then discover that if this was netflix, I would either already have watched it because I saw the deadline or it would be removed from my watch list as well as the main page / lists.
Even channel 4 indicate when it's no longer available.#Life #TechFails #EpicTechFails #ITVX #ITVXFail #ITVXStreaming
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I really wish my Mam wasn't such a technophobe. Doubly annoying that she lives so far away & triply so that she doesn't ask one of her more tech savvy friend's to help her get to grips with her phone.
The flip side is that she's the only person who phones me so I have no way to verify if all the phone call woes are her accidentally triggering things by touching buttons or things on screen (I can imagine her holding the phone slightly away from her ear so the in-call screen is displayed) & putting herself on mute or me on hold.
Is it her or has my phone, network or the Lineage OS developed problems?
After today's particularly Mute & Hold heavy call, or calls - I'd have to hang up & phone her again & again to get back to having a conversation instead of hearing nothing or being on hold - I hope she will take my strong suggestion of asking one, or some of her friends to help her.
I was hoping she would be coming over for xmas or new year's, giving me a chance to check her phone, maybe minimize google spying & if I can figure out how to be patient enough show her how to use her phone whilst knowing she won't remember or will struggle to remember.
I'd also have to hope I can still fathom how phones running android OS work as it's been several years.I don't have the spoons to go visit her & with the festively terrible (non-existant) public transport between hers & the nearest hotel ensuring my spoon tank is permanently empty for the duration so it's probably not a good idea.
Last year I left her's on xmas day just before we were going to have dinner. Walking back to the hotel in tears & having snacks instead of a good meal. I do not recommend as it's probably my worst xmas & would not like a repeat. 😔😢😞.#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #SelfCare #Technophobia #TechEducation #TechFails #EpicTechFails #Enshittification
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Okay, with my phone connected to home WiFi, it works great 😃.
When my PC switches on & joins the (chat) WiFi my phone gets half booted off 😒 grumble, shitty home-phone WiFi grumble Ggrrrrrr! -
Welcome to 1st World Problems'r' Us
More treadmill problems, or the same one but finally had the spoons to faff with getting the belt lined up.
So belt scrapping noise is not because of belt problems (lubricated it previously) but because of whatever's wrong inside the motor end (inside the plastic cover at the front) as that is where it is coming from.
Could just be an unfortunate snag of a cable or just it's so shit it's breaking down from the start 🤷.
It's not my weight as it's rated for a lot (I mean a lot) heavier than me, yet it only seems to scrape when I'm using it.I think eBay's return window is closed so am stuck with it till it snaps or breaks down, whichever happens first.
Until then, even with my headphones on & video or music audio is playing that ssssssuuuu... Silence... ssssussssuuusssssuuuuu... , sound is going to pull me right out of my zone, assuming I ever enter it in the first place 😒.
It's really off putting, as I know I need more exercise but going outside isn't always that easy for me, that's why I got a treadmill in the £100 - £200 bracket, so I could just get on & enjoy exercise & make it enjoyable with a show episode, a walking video or eventually a movie.Right, unless there's an easy fix I don't know about for this problem, I shall use treadmill time to work on going insane 🤪 as that might as well happen.
Right, where's my brunch at?
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Ever had one of those days where, it's been so frelling long that you've forgotten what it's like to not be in burnout but you're also just mad at everything because there's no way out of burnout?
No official diagnosis & your GP threw out the preliminary test that said you're a good candidate for autism that you got years ago. The waiting list is impossibly long so by the time you:
1) Pluck up the dice / spoons to face the GP (I'm still working on it 😣)...
2) Get an appointment & (by a miracle) maybe still have the dice / spoons...
3) Actually persuade the GP an AuDHD diagnosis is what you need...
4) Jump through whatever hoops to get the preliminaries sorted...
5) Get the green light for getting a diagnosis...... You'll be waiting so long, you won't need it anymore as you're too old to work & are on minimum pension.
My messed up bodyclock doesn't help either.
Oh, it's you Depression... 😫... Just what I need 😡😩.
I hate it when I give myself reality checks 😔.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#MindFog #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
#SelfCare #Depression
#Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems -
Random thoughts & feeling energised in a knackered sort of way. If I was less knackered & not aiming for the end of day wind down I'd get of my backside & do things.
If this foes turn into a solid bit of insomnia, maybe I should use it as it'll mean that I won't get nothing done tomorrow.
Hello insomnia, my old frenemy.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems
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Really need to get to bed before midnight tonight, or I turn into a gremlin or something 🤷.
I need to start reclaiming my mornings as it would be nice to get to about lunch time & actually have accomplished some thing. Just simple things maybe but things like a bit of house cleaning, going for a walk, some reading & maybe a little bit of writing & drawing.
Maybe it could boost my confidence & make it possible to volunteer somewhere, even if the local volunteering options are only charity shop work.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #MindFog #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #LackOfFocus #SelfCare #Depression #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems
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Is it already something something the something morning?
Something something & I was enjoying my something something sleep, something something bloody something daylight something something mornings!
I'll something something frelling something them a something bloody something something morning!#Life #SleepProblems #TissuePaperEyelids #WaferThinEyelids #DaylightOClock #SleepDeprivation
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@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic
Well, life with no schedule & no solid plans has hit a small bolder today.
I had a vague plan to finally give my Lineage OS a massive update (going through most of the rigmarole of installing fresh OS procedure 😰) & updating a laptop that's been neglected for several months & finally Linux-ifying my Surface that has been missing for many months (possibly a year or more).The small bolder = my phone, thankfully, reminding me that today is library day, swap & renew books. Renew I could do online but swap means prep for peopling mode, get changed & step outside.
Today I started feeling fine but my lack of enough sleep soon caught up, so me & my brain just cringed & thought, "hell no!" to the reminder, but needs must.
I'm glad I managed to just get on with it rather than waste ½ - 1 hour trying to rejig a planned day. It meant I could just get on with it.
I'm back from the library & a quick look in the secondhand bookshop / cafe where I found two books to take home. Got back home, still feeling knackered but also feeling much better.
I doubt I've got the spoons to sort my phone but laptop is doable & if I've still got the time & mood to do it, maybe sort the Surface.
Oops! More than I was expecting to prattle 😅. Guess my autism is in a talky mood.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems #MindFog #Burnout #Spoons
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@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic
Today's plans got chucked in the bin last night.
First I messed up, then my guts kept me awake for 1½ hours. Still had a few things planned but I'll try & see if today can be used to begin weaning me off plans.
If in can wean myself off plans, maybe I can begin to learn to be a bit more spontaneous, or so goes the theory.First, try wrapping my head around the 'be kind / gentle with yourself' mantra as I always fall into the trap of, '-but this needs doing, or I can quickly do this, & that & probably this thing!
Next thing I know, it's taken me 6 - 8 hours not including food breaks to get these three, quick & simple tasks done & I'm as relaxed as mouse in a trap, being stalked by a cat.Here's hoping I can put a crack in that self-destructive cycle.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
#Depression #Sleep #SleepProblems -
@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic
Waking up & wondering why my bedside lamp is on & why my phone isn't next to it?
Especially as I remember putting phone next to it & switching the lamp off.
Hello, life stresses. What's happening now?Also, why does my body default to 6 hours sleep? When it clearly needs more? And yet it won't let me install the Nap Time plugin I so desperately need.
Result: permanent dice / spoon deficit
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
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Why do I even wake up before my eyeballs are even close to coming back online?
Woke up, eyes closed, comfy in bed… time passes, 'okay, what time is it? I'm bored of this now but still comfy if a little toasty with my summer duvet. '
Digs out phone from under pillow & tries to crank open eyes. The eyes are fine but the mechanism's all gummed up & though they open it's a hard slog.
Activate phone & get that blinding light feeling, eyes emergency close slams them shut.
That's better, eyeballs back in hibernation mode, or whatever. I put phone back & just let myself doze but I'm too warm & a bit bored.
I think parts of my brain are seriously out of sync with other parts of my brain & it's not a problem I can fix. Possibly caused by a night-owl trying & failing to adapt & go to bed earlier to get up earlier.
Currently just trying to retrain my body & brain to sleep for 7+ - 8+ hours a night (daytime naps have never caught on) as currently I'm usually managing 6+ hours & often not fit for things like driving or socialising, even when it's my regular weekly art group I attend & usually enjoy.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems
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Less than 4 hours sleep & my body trying to roast me after two days of ridiculously high temps. Today is supposed to be 10°C cooler but right now at 05:35 it feels 10°C hotter than the last two days.
So, nobody remind me what it's like to feel comfortable or relatively comfortable.So… this is what the frying pan looks like from down here in the fire?
#Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems #Summer #TooWarm #AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
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Okay, on less than two hours sleep & a bit over an hour of Mastodon, I'm gonna tackle my chores & then either, crawl back into bed or have breakfast & see how the rest of the day goes.
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Less than two hours of sleep. Nightmare wakes me up & then my body turns up the heat.
I mean, seriously? That's taking the piss.I guess I could get some of my chores out of the way but I'm roasting 🥵.
Thanks mother nature, you suck at internal, organic plumbing.#Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems #TooWarm #MeltingFromTheInside