CW: Sexual Assault, Personal, Thoughts
So okie. I've been thinking about sharing this for a while, but I've kind of... not for a lot of reasons. Mainly, tho, I'm kind of over being whatabouted and stuffs.
But just in case it helps ppl...
I was raped by a fam friend. She was an older teen and from a conservative fam and probs, I seemed a "safe" way for her to explore her feels about liking girls without risking being exposed.
I thought it was neat. I thought it was fun. I felt kind of special. But I was way too young to consent.
It's like... there are some real weird responses when I share, sometimes. Telling me men are more likely to rape (I know.) Telling me she was repressed and confused (usually from other not straight ppl.) Telling me that me enjoying it meant it wasn't rape (like for real, I was like 9... fk off w that.) Telling me it "made me gay" (lol sure okay.)
And ofc "girls can't rape."
The funny part? I was fine, and tbh I guess I kind of enjoyed the attention. But well meaning ppl saying how bad it was without explaining that they meant HER and not me?
Yesh, THAT fked me up. It made me feel guilty abt liking sex, abt feeling sexual. And okie I was misreading it, sure...
...but I was fking 9.
Maybe this is me saying "be careful how you handle children if they're assaulted." Maybe this is me saying "yesh I get u, it happened to me too."
Or maybe I just needed to say something, in case u are struggling too.