#dyslexia — Public Fediverse posts

When I was growing up, I remember how much I was infantilised so much esp in terms of not being able to do what neurotypical kids were able to do like go to sleep overs at friends houses, not allowed to go to friends house on my own, not allowed to walk to school on my own, not allow to get a shower on my own (cuz apparently I could not do it right) not allowed to have my own bank account (until I demanded my dad to revoke the ownership of my account to me) and also requiring teaching assistants everywhere and given easy school work (despite being more capable of doing work neurotypicals do AND I HAD TO DEMAND TO TEACHERS THAT I COULD DO SUCH WORK) etc etc

All cuz I was deemed “special needs” aka too incapable of doing things “normal people” can and therefore I wasn’t meant to have a life I have, cuz I was never meant to be independent, due to stigma I’ve faced not cuz of other but by how my own people, supposed “my family” were meant to care for me, yet did far more harm in general.

I remember the bullying I received and being called “retarded” very often and how much it hurt so much, I didn’t even tell my next school, that I had autism cuz I was so ashamed of it due to the trauma I had with it and I remember just wanting to like get rid of it so bad, I was doing anything to get rid of

When I realised this now, and I think about the problematic things I did and wild things I did in the past. It just makes sense. No wonder I was completely out of control, cuz of how people have poorly treated me and I was acting out as a way to gain control of my shitty surroundings and myself.

We need to stop treating people who have disabilities and invisible disabilities as if they aren’t capable of anything, cuz honestly we are far more capable than you think and the more restrictions and discrimination we face, the more trauma and resentment it will bring, which harms future generations too.

And also stop fucking babying us as if we don’t know shit either.

I’m sick and tired of it.

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Sini | ae/aer | 24 | FI EN
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─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
:ace_heart:​ Fictosexual // Polyam // Repulsusexual IRL :queer_heart:​
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≫ I mainly yell about fictional characters and how they make me feel, but I post art/ocs/writing as well! I'm your friendly neighborhood cat!!! (* ^ ω ^) Let's be friends! You can PM me about any of our shared interests at any time! Especially my hyper fixations!! Ask for my discord / and server invites.
PLEASE ask me to filter/hashtag/mention things, I might have missed a CW or two. I use tone indicators at times, and due to my dyslexia, I sometimes don't make any sense and misunderstand/misuse words :,) Sorry!!! Mulle saa puhuu suomee jos silt tuntuu!! :D (this is a rewritten intro, just reposting it without visible edits)
I use a screen reader sometimes!
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≫ I refer to my sona as me/myself and her (3rd person), but inside my head (daydreams), we are one entity/person. We are the same and different, ik it's weird. Nomi and Sini are different basically. So for example when I say OCxCanon I usually mean a ship with Nomi (or another OC). I use selfship to mean specifically Nomi. When I refer to F/Os, I'm talking about relationships Nomi is in (aka me, inside my daydreams). Nomi uses She/Her pronouns, while I, Sini, use Ae/aer, which can help distinguish which "self" I'm talking about. Just maladaptive daydream things lmao. I will write an in-depth post at some point, Please ask if I'm confusing or just wanna learn more <3
Please keep in mind: I have issues with reality/delusions/paranoia, and I do not see fictional characters as real for my OWN SAFETY, you do you though!
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ I have a "private" F/O list, but feel free to ask! I don't mind doubles at all, LET'S GUSH OVER THEM!! I will mention my current mains often, here are some of them:
☆Jamil Viper <3, Floyd Leech <> (TWST)
☆Cove Holden (Our Life)
☆Jeremy King (XOXO droplets)
☆Midori Takamine <?3, Ibara Saegusa <3< (Ensemble Stars)
(I use quadrants as a quick indicator :3)
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ I'm otherkin/therian, mainly catkin, so please don't call me human or human terms!! :D I also fictionkin, but I'm lax-er about it, no need to call me their name's or use their preferred terms!! My fickin stuff is mostly me reacting to fanart with "Omg it's me! What am I doing this time?" :blobcatflower:​
☆ Tohru (Dragonmaid) /just like me fr
☆ Leo Tsukinaga (Ensemble stars) /silly
☆ Temmie (Undertale)
I support all good-faith queer identities! I love xenogenders, neopronouns, etc.!! Lurk my pronoun.page for my terms, flags, and pronouns!! I'm mentally ill, but I don't want to list them publicly. I might mention my diag.s at times!! I have hidden disabilities which I won't list either, but for both: I'm open about them in private/with friends, feel free to ask <3
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≫ I don't want to talk about (Some squicks), not really a DNI, I'm trying not to engage, I have filtered some terms related to these, so I might not see your message/comment mentioning them:
Fandoms: MBTI Myers–Briggs is a pet peeve/I'll rage lol, Hiveswap + Friendsim, Homestuck^2, Moomin/Muumi OCs and ships (I'm extremely sensitive about how non-finns view my childhood series, sorry!), Most American TV & cartoons (Marvel/Superheros, Most Sitcoms),
Themes: HARD NO NO NO!! UGLY BASTARDs / Unattractive male assaulters etc you want to call them, AND NO EXTREME UNDERAGE (less than 5, toddlercon, babycon) NSFW - Omegaverse / A/B/O, mpreg tpreg, etc., Female character hate/criticism ( "No women in my Male-only games/Male cast" "Male>Female characters", MLM>WLW/MLW ships, "ew woman/women", "breaks my ship", aggressive/jealousy at women interacting with your ships/ F/O, etc.) Misogyny kink/fetish is ok tho, Anti-shippers and how they are annoying/hypocritical etc. (I'm just tired of it all),
I'll most likely update and edit this stuff constantly.
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≫ Personal #:
#Saippuatxt #SaippuaIllus #SaippuaWriting #SaippuaOCs #SaippuaShips
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≫ About me: #fictosexual #fictiveother #otherkin #xenogender #lgbtq #sfw #nsfw #finland #polyamory #asexual #maladaptivedaydreaming #madd #udd #mentallyill #dyslexia #neurodivergent #autism #hyperfixation
≫ Interests: #oc #ocxcanon #sona #RP #cosplay #art #drawing #writing #anime #commissions #fandom #fanfiction #proship #DeadDoveDoNotEat #zodiac #zodiacsigns #horoscope #astronomy #space #typology "#mbti " #JungianCognitiveFunctions #enneagrams #culture #history #mentalhealth #charitywork
≫ Multifandom: #ensemblestars #enstars #twistedwonderland #twst #danganronpa #durarara #homestuck #fantroll #obeyme #mysticmessenger #DoL #DegreesOfLewdity #dnd5e #dnd #MOTW #MonsteroftheWeek #epic7 #pokemon #mylittlepony #furry #furryfandom #datingsim #otomegame #otome #ACNL #animalcrossing #pokemon #pkmn
And PLENTY of others!!
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≫ Main trigger warnings for my content:
NSFW, Self-harm, horror, violence, gore, death, unhealthy relationships/coping styles, yandere, mental health/mental condition kinks/fetishes, non-con/rape themes and mentions, large age gaps (underage/adult ships), power imbalance, loli/shota/lolisho, beast/monsterfucking, feral nsfw, medical (doctors, needles, surgeries etc.), mental health, body image, weight and health, eating habits and food, personal vent, negativity, complaining, IRL happenings at times, possible unreality/delusion/dissociation triggering posts.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
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#introduction #aboutme #longpost #infoaboutme #info #saippuatxt

I need to write down these thoughts to remember them tomorrow, when I go to therapy.

I might be going to a class meeting soon and I just had the thought that maybe teachers would be there too. At first I didn't know why I hated that idea, but now I know.

During my childhood and youth all grownups failed me on every level.
Teachers would make me feel bad about myself by dissing me for my bad grades, by shaming me in front of the class during oral tests or when making me read out loud (I had a learning disability and would never learn reading well).
They would always say how bright and talented I was, but blame me for being lazy. They would make me feel inadequate and wrong. And not once I remember a teacher asking me what my home situation was like, whether I was safe or whether I was being abused.

My stepfather, who came into my life when I was about five or six, after my parents divorced, beat me.
My parents didn't protect me. Nobody did.

But it speaks volumes that I hated school more than I hated home. I would simulate sickness all the time or just leave school early in later years.

There was no one I could turn to, because there was no one who cared. I was never good at lying or keeping secrets, so I'm sure it wouldn't have been hard to make me talk, if only any grownup would have made me feel safe around them.

I was bullied in school too. And by my friends no less. Because of what happened at home I never liked being touched by men or boys. They found out and exploited that weakness. They would touch me inappropriately and my fighting back only egged them on. And sometimes I would get in trouble for fighting back (a little).

I'm not saying life treated me any better in the past 14 years after school, but I still have nightmares about going back there.

I fell in love with a classmate after I flunked in the 10th year of compulsory school. I won't bother trying to explain what grade that is to you, wherever you come from - lets just say I was about 16. She was wonderful and so good to me. But me never really having experienced love or having developed properly, I didn't show healthy attachment patterns. I had way too hard feelings for her and became dependent/addicted/obsessed. She never loved me back and in the last grade I went to the headmaster to ask him to downgrade me one class, because I couldn't stand being in the same class with her anymore.
So I was the new kid in a classroom again and for half a year repeated the second to last grade. I didn't have to pass any tests or do homework, because I had already passed that grade.
But when the last grade started I couldn't get used to doing anything for school anymore. Not to speak of my heavy depression.

Even during that time none of the teachers suspected there was something seriously wrong with me. And nobody seemed to have any sympathy for me. I think they waved me through graduation, because they didn't want to deal with me anymore.

Those last one and a half years are the time I have the most nightmares about. Teachers torturing me through tests and stuff, when I probably should have been in stationary care.

While I'm writing this I've changed my mind. I now wish teachers will be there at the class meeting. I'd like to confront them about all this.
I'd start by asking if anything has changed for the better for students, since we graduated. Whether kids who didn't perform well are still being tortured and humiliated in front of their peers, without any regard of what trauma they might go through at home.

#ChildhoodTrauma #school #depression #MentalHealth #SchoolSystem #FediLZ #teachers #teacher #ChildAbuse #bullying #LearningDisability #dyslexia

┍━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┑
Sini | ae/aer | 23 | FI EN
┕━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┙
◦
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
:ace_heart:​ Fictosexual // Polyam // Repulsusexual IRL :queer_heart:​
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ I mainly yell about fictional characters and how they make me feel, but I post art/ocs/writing as well! I'm your friendly neighborhood cat!!! (* ^ ω ^) Let's be friends! You can PM me about any of our shared interests at any time! Especially my hyper fixations!!
PLEASE ask me to filter/hashtag/mentions, I want to make you comfortable!! I use tone indicators at times, and due to my dyslexia, I sometimes don't make any sense and misunderstand words :,) Sorry!!! Mulle saa puhuu suomee jos silt tuntuu!! :D
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ I refer to my sona as me/myself and her (3rd person), but inside my head (daydreams), we are one entity/person. We are the same and different, ik it's weird. Nomi and Sini are different basically. So for example when I say OCxCanon I usually mean a ship with Nomi (or another OC). I use selfship to mean specifically Nomi. When I refer to F/Os, I'm talking about relationships Nomi is in (aka me, inside my daydreams). Nomi uses She/Her pronouns, while I, Sini, use Ae/aer, which can help distinguish which "self" I'm talking about. Just maladaptive daydream things lmao. I will write an in-depth post at some point, Please ask if I'm confusing or just wanna learn more <3
Please keep in mind: I have issues with reality/delusions/paranoia, and I do not see fictional characters as real for my OWN SAFETY, you do you though!
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ I have a "private" F/O list, but feel free to ask! I don't mind doubles at all, LET'S GUSH OVER THEM!! I will mention my current mains often, here are some of them: (I'll update their emoji later)
☆Jamil Viper <3, Floyd Leech <> (TWST)
☆Cove Holden (Our Life)
☆Jeremy King (XOXO droplets)
☆Midori Takamine <?3, Ibara Saegusa <3< (Ensemble Stars)
(I use quadrants as a quick indicator :3)
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ I'm otherkin/therian, mainly catkin, so please don't call me human or human terms!! :D I also fictionkin, but I'm lax-er about it!!
☆ Tohru (Dragonmaid) /just like me fr
☆ Leo Tsukinaga, Wataru Hibiki (Ensemble stars) /silly

I support all good-faith queer identities! I love xenogenders, neopronouns, etc.!! Lurk my pronoun.page for my terms, flags, and pronouns!! I'm mentally ill, but I don't want to list them publicly. I might mention my diag.s at times!! I have hidden disabilities which I won't list either, but for both: I'm open about them in private/with friends, feel free to ask <3
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ Personal #:
#Saippuatxt #SaippuaIllus #SaippuaWriting #SaippuaOCs
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ About me: #fictosexual #fictiveother #otherkin #xenogender #lgbtq #sfw #nsfw #finland #polyamory #asexual #maladaptivedaydreaming #madd #udd #mentallyill #dyslexia #neurodivergent #autism #hyperfixation
≫ Interests: #oc #ocxcanon #sona #RP #cosplay #art #drawing #writing #anime #commissions #fandom #fanfiction #proship #DeadDoveDoNotEat #zodiac #zodiacsigns #horoscope #astronomy #space #typology #mbti #culture #history #mentalhealth #charitywork
≫ Multifandom: #ensemblestars #enstars #twistedwonderland #twst #danganronpa #durarara #homestuck #fantroll #obeyme #mysticmessenger #DoL #DegreesOfLewdity #dnd5e #dnd #epic7 #pokemon #mylittlepony #furry #furryfandom #datingsim #otomegame #otome
And PLENTY of others!! #introduction
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
≫ Main trigger warnings for my content:
NSFW, Self-harm, violence, gore, death, unhealthy relationships/coping styles, yandere, non-con/rape themes, and mentions, large age gaps, loli/shota/lolisho, beast/monsterfucking, feral nsfw, mental health, personal vent, negativity, complaining, IRL happenings at times, possible unreality/delusion/dissociation triggering posts.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
◦