#toxicpositivity — Public Fediverse posts
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DATE: August 19, 2026 at 12:00PM
SOURCE: PSYPOST.ORG** Research quality varies widely from fantastic to small exploratory studies. Please check research methods when conclusions are very important to you. **
-------------------------------------------------TITLE: The complex science of positive affirmations, and why they occasionally backfire
Scroll through social media and you’ll quickly encounter phrases like “I am worthy” or “I choose happiness”.
The tantalising promise is: repeat these positive affirmations often enough and you’ll be happier, calmer and even healthier.
Given we are biologically hardwired to avoid suffering and want to feel safe and happy, no wonder it is tempting. But is it backed by science? And are there downsides?
What are positive affirmations?
Self-affirmation theory was proposed by psychologist Claude Steele in the late 1980s and remains popular today. The theory suggests we have a deep desire to craft a personal narrative that we are “adequate” and “worthy”.
But painful experiences that trigger shame or embarrassment – such as getting bad grades, making a mistake at work or going through a break-up – can threaten this self-narrative.
You may become more self-critical, and this may make you more likely to experience anxiety, depression and even self-harm.
In contrast, self-affirmation theory suggests repeating positive ideas about yourself can protect you from these negative mental health symptoms, boosting your mood and sense of self-worth.
Is there evidence positive affirmations work?
Yes – in some contexts.
A review from 2025 combined and analysed results from 67 studies. These looked at the effects on participants’ wellbeing of writing positive affirmations or repeating them out loud.
The review found positive affirmations did have a meaningful impact on how participants viewed themselves and connected with others. But the effect was small.
Some studies have found repeating positive affirmations can protect social media users’ self-esteem and boost the overall mental health of university students.
One 2025 study looked at women undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. It found those who listened to music alongside recordings of positive affirmations felt less depressed and drowsy, compared to those who listened only to music.
Another study from 2025 examined adults with depression symptoms, but no diagnosis. It found those who wrote personal positive affirmations twice daily reported better self-esteem after 15 days, compared to those who didn’t.
One frequently cited study from 2009 found repeating positive affirmations (for example, “I am a lovable person”) boosted mood. However this was only for people who already had high self-esteem. Those with low self-esteem – in other words, those with a low level of confidence and value in themselves – reported poorer mood.
While these studies show some promise, recent studies have failed to replicate these findings. More research is needed to see exactly who might benefit, and in what context.
The downsides of positivity
But is there any harm in using positive affirmations? Here are some risks to keep in mind.
Toxic positivity
Humans are imperfect and the world is often unfair. Pretending otherwise can lead to toxic positivity, which means suppressing or even denying difficult feelings. When you feel distressed, you may feel pressure to cope and simply “reframe” your thinking. You may feel ashamed when you can’t and be less likely to seek help.
Chasing dopamine
Repeating positive affirmations might give you a quick dopamine hit. Dopamine is the hormone linked to pleasure and reward, and can help us feel in control and competent. But the desire to always feel good is not realistic. And taken to the extreme, it can trap you in a cycle where you’re constantly seeking the next dopamine hit.
Downplaying real issues
Positive self-talk is only helpful in safe environments. In unsafe or harmful situations (for example, an abusive relationship) staying positive may blind you to potential dangers. Over-reliance on positive affirmations can detach you from what’s going on, and override gut instincts it may be better to listen to.
So, what does work?
Recent research suggests how we talk to ourselves may matter more than how positive the message is. Here are two approaches worth trying.
Show yourself compassion
Research shows cultivating a compassionate relationship with yourself, especially during stress or failure, can strengthen your resilience and improve your mental health. For example, telling yourself “this is hard” or “anyone would feel this way” can be more helpful than simply repeating upbeat affirmations. Sometimes being brave enough to acknowledge you’re suffering, and speaking to yourself like a good friend, is what you need.
Create some distance
Talking to yourself in the third person – for example, “Maddie is furious, but has handled far worse” rather than “I am furious” – can help. This creates distance between you and your thoughts, and is sometimes called “non-attachment”. This approach can help regulate emotions, encouraging us to approach feelings with curiosity, observing rather than just reacting to them.
The bottom line
Very few thinking styles are always beneficial or always harmful. The key is to be flexible, not rigid. This means regularly asking yourself “is that thought helpful?” and choosing the approach most suited to your situation.
And if that’s positive self-talk, try to use compassion and understanding – not just upbeat slogans.
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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#psychology #counseling #socialwork #psychotherapy @psychotherapist @psychotherapists @psychology @socialpsych @socialwork @psychiatry #mentalhealth #psychiatry #healthcare #depression #psychotherapist #PositiveAffirmations #SelfTalk #SelfCompassion #ToxicPositivity #MentalHealth #SelfEsteem #SelfAwareness #Wellbeing #DopamineHype #EmotionalResilience
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Boundaries show us how to stop participating in toxic dynamics.
#healthyhabits #boundaries #healthyboundaries #toxicpositivity #healthypositivity #emotions #feelings #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #mentalwellbeing #ymhc -
Things you should never apologize for
#healthyhabits #boundaries #healthyboundaries #toxicpositivity #healthypositivity #emotions #feelings #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #mentalwellbeing #ymhc -
The Art of Saying No. By Sugar & Sloth
#healthyhabits #boundaries #healthyboundaries #toxicpositivity #healthypositivity #emotions #feelings #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #mentalwellbeing #ymhc
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Nobody was going to do it for me, I had to figure it out for myself.
I thought that maybe if I got it just right, I could be loveable. I had to have the right mindset, and it was going to be POSITIVE dammit. #toxicpositivity #manipulation #scripttheory #survivor #writer
https://survivorliteracy.com/2026/05/28/90-weaponization-of-the-benign-and-beneficial-6/
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What toxic positivity looks like... "It could be worse..." "Stay positive!" "Happiness is a choice" "It happens for a reason" "Good vibes only!" "You will get over it"
#healthyhabits #toxicpositivity #healthypositivity #emotions #feelings #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #ymhc -
Things that can be equally true
#healthyhabits #boundaries #healthyboundaries #toxicpositivity #healthypositivity #emotions #feelings #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #mentalwellbeing #ymhc -
Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because someone else may have it better.
#healthyhabits #boundaries #toxicpositivity #healthypositivity #emotions #feelings #mentalhealth #ymhc -
What if “positivity” isn’t just a mood, but a constraint on thought? Looking at how enforced optimism flattens disagreement, discourages scrutiny, and quietly narrows what can be said—or even considered. When critique itself starts to feel like a violation, it’s not kindness winning out—it’s inquiry being sidelined.
https://gaggl.com/blogs/2026-04-13-the-tyranny-of-positivity/
#CriticalThinking #ToxicPositivity #IntellectualHonesty #brosphere #Culture #Fediverse #LongReads
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Tired of pretending everything’s “fine”?
https://de320.isrefer.com/go/LUYDFREE/Stuartn/
#toxicpositivity #authenticity #healing #selfawareness #emotionalhealth #ThinkandGrowEducation #RayBehan #Mindset #Meditation -
Nobody was going to do it for me, I had to figure it out for myself.
I thought that maybe if I got it just right, I could be loveable. I had to have the right mindset, and it was going to be POSITIVE dammit. #toxicpositivity #manipulation #scripttheory #survivor #writer
https://survivorliteracy.com/2026/04/28/90-weaponization-of-the-benign-and-beneficial-5/
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I had an idea to make a photobook with some of my landscape photos ... many of them are ideal for the kind of motivational/spiritual posters you see 🤮, so I wanted to make a kind of 'spiritual parody' book.
Would love some feedback on my first 3 examples ....
#photography #toxicpositivity #spiritualparody #landscapephotography
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While positivity can be a good thing, going too far can create a toxic environment where other's feelings are not taken into consideration. As with all things, balance is key. #toxicpositivity #feelings #balance #environnement #life
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I think there is pressure on people to turn every negative into a positive, but we should be allowed to say, 'I went through something really strange and awful and it has altered me forever.' By Marian Keyes
#healthyhabits #toxicpositivity #healthypositivity #emotions #feelings #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #ymhc
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When I was actively traumatized for over a decade and was constantly in fight-flight-freeze-mode, all my teachers called me lazy.
When I had a 4 year long depression with anhedonia, my mom called that tiredness.
When I had a PAIS two times for 3 months with fatique syndrome, my mom called that tiredness.
Now I have a burnout my mom tells me "just make sure you don't fall back into that tiredness".
All my life I am an extrovert with social phobia and people keep telling me to get out of my comfort zone.
How do I get out of something that doesn't exist?#mh #ph #ToxicPositivity #NotJustSad #NotJustTired #NotJustShy
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Nobody was going to do it for me, I had to figure it out for myself.
I thought that maybe if I got it just right, I could be loveable. I had to have the right mindset, and it was going to be POSITIVE dammit. #toxicpositivity #manipulation #scripttheory #survivor #writer
https://survivorliteracy.com/2026/02/27/90-weaponization-of-the-benign-and-beneficial-3/
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Nobody was going to do it for me, I had to figure it out for myself.
I thought that maybe if I got it just right, I could be loveable. I had to have the right mindset, and it was going to be POSITIVE dammit. #toxicpositivity #manipulation #scripttheory #survivor #writer
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The only people who have tried giving me unrequested, unwanted advice about how I should be cheerier & more positive - are hella privileged white folks with #ToxicPositivity & who don't really know me well at all.
If they knew me better - they'd not be trying to shove their toxic positivity crap towards me whatsoever. They'd understand that I'm a pretty happy person, despite all my ongoing life struggles. They'd know I've already lived through multiple living nightmares, survived to still smile & find pockets of simple joys, daily. They'd realize that I can deal with harsh realities & still find/hold rays of hope. They'd recognize that they're in need of realistic grounding help & to cease pushing their toxic, unrealistic, 24-7 positivity shit on others around them.
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Insisting vegans "agree to disagree" with, excuse, ignore or even facilitate carnists and their behavior is I feel a poignant example of toxic positivity
Treating all disagreement as harassment or all criticism as an attack is not healthy, conflict is messy but it is not inherently bad conflict is an inevitable part of life and dealing with it healthily creates personal growth
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When Gratitude Doesn’t Erase the Drowning
I’ve been thinking a lot about survival mode lately; that state where you’re technically functioning, but everything feels like walking through heavy water. You wake up, you move, you smile when needed, but underneath, you’re just trying to keep your head above the current.
And the thing is… we know we’re not the only ones struggling.
We know someone out there has it worse: the single mom working three jobs, the friend grieving someone they can’t bring back, the family facing eviction. So we tell ourselves, I should be grateful.But gratitude doesn’t make the drowning stop. It just means you’re aware you’re lucky to still have air, even if you’re gasping for it.
Survival Mode Is Still a State of Emergency
In psychology, survival mode happens when your body and brain shift into constant stress response. Cortisol stays high, focus narrows, and emotions flatten. You’re not lazy or dramatic. You’re literally wired for crisis.
That means even “small” problems — like bills piling up, unstable Wi-Fi, or family tension — can feel like tidal waves when your nervous system is already fried. Your body doesn’t rank problems by global importance. It only knows that you’re overwhelmed.
When people say, “Well, at least you have food on the table,” what they often mean is “I don’t know how to hold your pain, so I’ll minimize it.” It’s not cruelty; it’s discomfort. But it still invalidates the very real emotional weight you’re carrying.
The Trap of Comparative Suffering
Researcher Brené Brown calls it comparative suffering: the idea that pain must be measured, ranked, and justified.
- “I shouldn’t complain, others have it worse.”
- “At least I’m not homeless.”
- “It’s just stress; people go through worse.”
But emotions don’t operate on a hierarchy. There’s no prize for “Most Deserving of Sadness.”
When we compare pain, we disconnect — from ourselves and from others. We silence empathy instead of expanding it. Brown says the antidote is emotional generosity — acknowledging that my pain and your pain can coexist without comparison.
Gratitude and Struggle Can Coexist
Gratitude doesn’t mean gaslighting yourself into silence. It means holding both truths: I am thankful and I am struggling.
You can love your life and still feel tired of fighting for balance.
You can appreciate your home and still feel crushed by instability.
You can be aware of your blessings and still feel like you’re drowning.That duality is what makes you human, not ungrateful.
What Helps Me When I’m in Survival Mode
- Naming the truth. I literally say it out loud: “I’m overwhelmed, and that’s okay.”
- Radical rest. Even ten minutes of stillness helps remind my nervous system that I’m safe.
- Connection over comparison. Reaching out to someone who listens without fixing.
- Journaling without judgment. Letting the thoughts be messy and unfiltered.
When we stop ranking pain, we create room for collective healing. We move from “At least you—” to “I hear you.” And that one shift can feel like coming up for air.
Closing Thought
You’re not weak for struggling when others have it worse.
You’re human for feeling the weight of your own life.
We don’t have to win the pain Olympics.
We just have to survive it — together.#comparativeSuffering #emotionalHealth #gratitudeAndStruggle #healingJourney #mentalWellness #selfCompassion #survivalMode #toxicPositivity