#stevealbini — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #stevealbini, aggregated by home.social.
-
#SteveAlbini on the surprisingly sturdy state of the music industry – in full (2014)
via @wallabag
-
Rid Of Me
PJ Harvey releases her second album on May 4, 1993. It was recorded at Pachyderm Studio in Minnesota and engineered by the legendary Steve Albini. His "spartan" and abrasive style fit PJ well. Rid Of Me drew widespread praise and Rolling Stone put it at #406 on its "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" list. #pjharvey #ridofme #90srock #altrock #indierock #rockmusic #music #musicsky #musiciansky #stevealbini
-
Rid Of Me
PJ Harvey releases her second album on May 4, 1993. It was recorded at Pachyderm Studio in Minnesota and engineered by the legendary Steve Albini. His "spartan" and abrasive style fit PJ well. Rid Of Me drew widespread praise and Rolling Stone put it at #406 on its "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" list. #pjharvey #ridofme #90srock #altrock #indierock #rockmusic #music #musicsky #musiciansky #stevealbini
-
Rid Of Me
PJ Harvey releases her second album on May 4, 1993. It was recorded at Pachyderm Studio in Minnesota and engineered by the legendary Steve Albini. His "spartan" and abrasive style fit PJ well. Rid Of Me drew widespread praise and Rolling Stone put it at #406 on its "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" list. #pjharvey #ridofme #90srock #altrock #indierock #rockmusic #music #musicsky #musiciansky #stevealbini
-
Rid Of Me
PJ Harvey releases her second album on May 4, 1993. It was recorded at Pachyderm Studio in Minnesota and engineered by the legendary Steve Albini. His "spartan" and abrasive style fit PJ well. Rid Of Me drew widespread praise and Rolling Stone put it at #406 on its "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" list. #pjharvey #ridofme #90srock #altrock #indierock #rockmusic #music #musicsky #musiciansky #stevealbini
-
Rid Of Me
PJ Harvey releases her second album on May 4, 1993. It was recorded at Pachyderm Studio in Minnesota and engineered by the legendary Steve Albini. His "spartan" and abrasive style fit PJ well. Rid Of Me drew widespread praise and Rolling Stone put it at #406 on its "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" list. #pjharvey #ridofme #90srock #altrock #indierock #rockmusic #music #musicsky #musiciansky #stevealbini
-
#SteveAlbini (1962-2024)
Le songwriting tuerait notre musique.
#Shellac #PostHardcore #Noise #Rock
#Indie #Alt #Chigago #USA #Music #tv #Socialmediahttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENnYNT-VsAE&list=OLAK5uy_k0J1LZdl9ERXE9jNVdLpG6ZHScqetmjio&index=5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrrTHu6ATw8&list=OLAK5uy_l7JD_obM619X0FBS5pmZvOCDjjA3XUYRs&index=5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTH3Arfi1g0&list=OLAK5uy_lSeauTc6VKEW9XNFLAHaYIC7U01rWJ2QQ&index=2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn-zPqRJyaI&list=OLAK5uy_mKrFRvVcw-PrGwgC7Nd82nleou1pKUjf8&index=7
-
A book I’m looking forward to, a burst of new music and Bob Mould on all things Sugar reunion and Hüsker Dü - here’s this week’s digest of punk rock, alt rock and indie music news and writing.
#music #punk #indie #IndieMusic #AltRock #AlternativeRock #SteveAlbini #BobMould #JohnnyMarr #HighVis #Health
-
Steve Albini book announced
-
BOSS HOG
Drinkin', Lechin', & Lyin'
1989 U.S. pressingA super noisy, garage-y and bluesy kinda punk record; super loud and abrasive, thanks to the “production” work of the late, great Steve Albini.
This album is all about attitude, confrontation and energy than it is about any kind of refinement. It has a very live and off-the-cuff feel, and although Cristina Martinez’s vocals can be a little off-putting, they work because the band is so visceral.
An interesting record for fans of Jon Spencer’s more refined work in Blues Explosion.
All of the full lengths that followed this E.P. greatly pale in comparison to this. Very disappointing.
This is the only Boss Hog record you’ll need.
#vinyl #vinylrecords #vinylcommunity #vinylcollection #retro #vintage #art #music #1980s #80s #80sMusic #garage #punk #blues #bosshog #jonspencer #stevealbini
-
@historyofpunkrock There's also a great podcast with Steve Albini before he passed re: the In On the Killtaker sessions:
https://the-alphabetical-fugazi.pinecast.co/episode/df732391/public-witness-program-with-steve-albini
#fugazi #steveAlbini #InOnTheKillTaker #punk -
"In tribute to the late Steve Albini and to benefit the Letters Charity that was a huge part of his life and legacy, Fugazi are making available the formerly unreleased recordings they made with Steve in the fall of 1992. This session features all of the tracks that Fugazi would later re-record for the 1993’s “In On The Killtaker” LP."
#fugazi #punk #SteveAlbini #dischord
fyi @historyofpunkrockhttps://dischord.com/news/776/2026/3/fugazi-albini-sessions-benefit-for-letters-charity-out-today
-
Released today 38 years ago:
🇺🇸 Pixies "Surfer Rosa" – 1988
A raw and explosive debut that redefined alternative rock dynamics.
The band’s signature quiet-loud-quiet structures are pushed to extremes, while the vocals move between surreal abstraction and visceral intensity...#pixies #stevealbini #alternativerock #indierock #noiserock #usindie #vinylcommunity #vinyl #music #vinylrecords #nowspinningonvinyl #nowspinning #nowlistening
-
https://www.europesays.com/ie/386754/ Why does every 1990s alt-rocker seem to be a Chicago Cubs fan? #BillyCorgan #Chicago #EddieVedder #Éire #Entertainment #IE #Ireland #JackWhite #Music #SteveAlbini #TomMorello
-
Why does every 1990s alt-rocker seem to be a Chicago Cubs fan? https://www.rawchili.com/mlb/622716/ #Baseball #BillyCorgan #Chicago #ChicagoCubs #ChicagoCubs #Cubs #EddieVedder #JackWhite #MLB #SteveAlbini #TomMorello
-
Why does every 1990s alt-rocker seem to be a Chicago Cubs fan? https://www.rawchili.com/mlb/622716/ #Baseball #BillyCorgan #Chicago #ChicagoCubs #ChicagoCubs #Cubs #EddieVedder #JackWhite #MLB #SteveAlbini #TomMorello
-
"Was it just a rumor, or did #fugazi record an entire album with #stevealbini ? At last, it can be revealed—the rumors were true, and here is the whole shebang, warts and all." #bandcamp https://daily.bandcamp.com/album-of-the-day/fugazi-albini-sessions-review
-
It's #BandcampFriday. What did you add to your library? I got a nice #ColdOi compilation, the new #SpitLicker album, and a #Fugazi session with #SteveAlbini.
* https://fugazi.bandcamp.com/album/albini-sessions-benefit-for-letters-charity
* https://spitlicker.bandcamp.com/album/s-t
* https://petittonnerrebrest.bandcamp.com/album/quelques-coups-d-clat -
It's #BandcampFriday. What did you add to your library? I got a nice #ColdOi compilation, the new #SpitLicker album, and a #Fugazi session with #SteveAlbini.
* https://fugazi.bandcamp.com/album/albini-sessions-benefit-for-letters-charity
* https://spitlicker.bandcamp.com/album/s-t
* https://petittonnerrebrest.bandcamp.com/album/quelques-coups-d-clat -
It's #BandcampFriday. What did you add to your library? I got a nice #ColdOi compilation, the new #SpitLicker album, and a #Fugazi session with #SteveAlbini.
* https://fugazi.bandcamp.com/album/albini-sessions-benefit-for-letters-charity
* https://spitlicker.bandcamp.com/album/s-t
* https://petittonnerrebrest.bandcamp.com/album/quelques-coups-d-clat -
It's #BandcampFriday. What did you add to your library? I got a nice #ColdOi compilation, the new #SpitLicker album, and a #Fugazi session with #SteveAlbini.
* https://fugazi.bandcamp.com/album/albini-sessions-benefit-for-letters-charity
* https://spitlicker.bandcamp.com/album/s-t
* https://petittonnerrebrest.bandcamp.com/album/quelques-coups-d-clat -
It's #BandcampFriday. What did you add to your library? I got a nice #ColdOi compilation, the new #SpitLicker album, and a #Fugazi session with #SteveAlbini.
* https://fugazi.bandcamp.com/album/albini-sessions-benefit-for-letters-charity
* https://spitlicker.bandcamp.com/album/s-t
* https://petittonnerrebrest.bandcamp.com/album/quelques-coups-d-clat -
Well well well, looky what just dropped on Bandcamp. For a great cause, too. This was never my favorite Fugazi record, so excited to hear if this version is what makes it click for me.
https://fugazi.bandcamp.com/album/albini-sessions-benefit-for-letters-charity
-
KILLING JOKE: Rarities And The Steve Albini Sessions Get The First Vinyl Release Via Overdrive Records And Invisible Records
Featuring the demo-versions of ‘Extremities, Dirt And Various Repressed Emotions’ alongside the recording of Killing Joke’s secret show from on December 20th, 1988, the Holy Grail for all the Killing Joke fans is scheduled for release February 27, 2026.
A journey into the raw and visceral origins: from the demo sessions mixed by Steve Albini to the night of the very first secret show on December 20th, 1988. In the heart of Chicago, Geordie and Martin Atkins turned frustration and distance into pure creative energy, recording the now-legendary “Black Cassette” demos at Albini’s house. Distorted, menacing bass lines, unruly oscillators, and Albini running endlessly up and down the stairs between the basement drum room and the pantry control room defined a sound that was brutally direct and uncompromising. The first interactions with the Yamaha drum machine foreshadowed elements that would later shape parts of the album. Those sessions sparked essential ideas, while the future studio — purchased from Steve and moved to Wabash Ave — would soon become the core of Invisible Records and Killing Joke’s operations.
On the other side, a truly rare document: excerpts from Martin Atkins’s very first show with the band, at Burberries in Birmingham on December 20th, 1988. In a small, mirror-lined club filled with tension, adrenaline, and inevitable collisions with the walls, Extremities, The Fanatic, Intravenous, and The Beautiful Dead were performed publicly for the first time. It was the night when everything ignited: the blast beat still in its embryonic stage, the controlled fury Geordie demanded — “can you go a bit more Moonie on it?” — and above all Jaz’s theatrical yet strikingly genuine laughter. Not just joy, but a declaration: a giant “f*ck off” to the doubters and a prelude of what was about to come. A raw, essential, indispensable testimony: the birth of an era.
-
WAIT...WHAT????😮😯
#SteveALBINI ????!! (At the 7.21min mark)
'Loved These Bands Until I Learned This... ' said podcaster #AstromancyArchives
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qit1oYca6tI
I knew about the other #EvilMusicins but STEVE ALBINI ????
-
New #DannyBrown track "1L0v3myL1f3!" samples #SteveAlbini's monologue from #Shellac's "ウィングウォーカー (Wingwalker)" at the 2:39 mark
-
New #DannyBrown track "1L0v3myL1f3!" samples #SteveAlbini's monologue from #Shellac's "ウィングウォーカー (Wingwalker)" at the 2:39 mark
-
Shellac - Scrappers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7G-8knfCus
🎶
Papa what a plan
We'll be pirates !
🎶ben voilà les copaines qui me parlent de pirates (https://mamot.fr/@matiu_bidule/115536502247550244) direct moi j'ai cette chanson de Shellac qui me vient en tête.
(que le fantôme pirate du bon Albini nous accompagne !)
#Music
#PouetRadio
#Shellac
#SteveAlbini
#Pirates
#PapaWellBePirates -
:▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅:
DEÄDPİȚĆH->:™.
-._|.->.
https://deadpitch.bandcamp.com
Music Construction - >.
Rapid.Hawk ™ ->.
.X two4k ™ ® - >.:▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅:
Nihil dicere ™ Division 4 - >.
:▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅:
MŪŠĪĊ.- >. ® ™].- >.
ḺÎŚṮÉṈ™ ->. ? ™ ®:▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅:
.: #stevealbini #bigblack -
#Shellac #Saturday: To the one true God above: Here is my prayer - Not the first you've heard, but the first I wrote Not the first, but the others were a long time ago There are two people here, and I want you to KILL THEM! #SteveAlbini ’s - #RIP - #PrayerToGod #music #rock youtu.be/3d9BCY82px8
Prayer To God -
Retour aux basiques : Shellac.
Le son est un peu pérave mais du coup on entends hyper bien la guitare de Albini.
ET je n'avais jamais remarqué sa façon d'attaché le strap de sa guitare autour de sa taille, du coup il n'a pas de poids sur l'épaule. Aucune idée si c'est mieux ou pas, mais c'est marrant.
SHELLAC – Full Live Concert 4K @ Le Chabada, Angers, France – June 4th, 2019
-
Friday as well as every other day - #SongsaboutFucking, #BigBlack and #Kerosene! #music #industrial #rock #noise #alternative #SteveAlbini #RIP #Atomizer www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXV6...
Kerosene -
Pitchfork: Steve Albini’s Closet Is Now a Weekly Digital Estate Sale. “Not only was the late Steve Albini a legendary recording engineer, musician, and poker player, but he was also a longtime collector of underground memorabilia. Now, thousands of his belongings—rare vinyl, weird books, vintage t-shirts, CDs, cassettes, singles, zines, art, and ‘mysterious bargains’—are being sold on […]
-
Steve Albini’s stuff (LPs, books, posters, more) being sold online to benefit his estate
-
Everybody knows Nirvana but so few people know #Shellac, especially this album. Life is so unjust. The world would be so much better place if all artists of every kind were as uncompromising and true to themselves as #SteveAlbini .
-
"Right before we wrapped up our final interview, I asked him if he’d ever thought about how his career would be regarded should he retire tomorrow. 'I don’t give a shit', he said immediately. 'I’m doing it, and that’s what matters to me – the fact that I get to keep doing it. That’s the whole basis of it. I was doing it yesterday, and I’m gonna do it tomorrow, and I’m gonna carry on doing it'.”
#JeremyGordon, 2023
-
"What became In Utero was, in fact, banged out in a couple of weeks in a Minnesota studio. But as he foresaw, Nirvana’s label, Geffen, interfered, insisting the record be remixed to soften Albini’s recordings. A compromise was eventually struck: the singles Heart-Shaped Box and All Apologies were smoothed out into more commercially friendly songs, while the rest of Albini’s work remained as is."
#JeremyGordon, 2023
-
FACS - Wish Defense (2025)
The sixth album by Chicago trio FACS is a deep dive into the human nature & duality. The return of original member Jonathan Van Herik brings a fresh dynamic, while Brian Case's lyrics explore who we truly are. The album was recorded by the legendary Steve Albini.
https://wearefacs.bandcamp.com/album/wish-defense
#music #facs #artrock #alternative #experimental #postpunk #avantgarde #briancase #chicago #stevealbini #troubleinmindrecords
-
The Jesus Lizard – GOAT (1991, US)
[This guest post was written by @Defiance about number 429 on The List. The album was submitted by platenworm.]
Another Steve Albini-produced classic. And perhaps the best album by this American noise rock/post-hardcore band. It’s fitting that the album title is also an acronym for Greatest Of All Time.
I was already a fan of Scratch Acid, the predecessor band. My best friend turned me onto them in high school.
So when I was in college and just starting to DJ, I was eager to play their new stuff. I can still remember getting the band’s first 7” in the station’s “new bin”, 1989’s “Chrome b/w 7 or 8”. The following year the band released their first LP, 1990’s Head. I liked that album and played it regularly.
I wasn’t sure what to expect with this one, their second full length album. But GOAT is a step up in every way.
The bass grooves are unlike their prior albums. They’re more…groovy! Probably why this is my favorite album from the band. It’s more accessible, but still raw and driven by David Yow’s intense and almost indecipherable yelling. The Jesus Lizard was one of the first bands of this era and genre that increasingly focused on dynamic hooks, and GOAT really delivers in this regard.
The album opens with “Then Comes Dudley”, which features the classic Jesus Lizard / Scratch Acid sound. Dark, loud, and relentless. The crunchy snare drum and driving bass guitar have that distinct Albini sound.
The pace really picks up with track 2, my favorite, “Mouth Breather”, and then hits a new peak with the slide guitar driven song “Nub”. The rest of the tracks are a mix of dynamic tempos and dark, sometimes droning noise and rhythms over which singer David Yow wails and moans. It’s almost as if The Birthday Party had released another album in 1991.
An interesting side note is that the picture on the album cover can be easily misinterpreted. At first glance, it looks like an orange flame on black background. I thought this the case for years. But it’s actually a topless woman with a close-up image of nails projected onto her body.
By the way, The Jesus Lizard still makes good music to this day. Earlier this year (2024), they released another great album, Rack.
Play GOAT at high volume!
#1001OtherAlbums #1990s #JesusLizard #posthardcore #postpunk #rock #ScratchAcid #SteveAlbini #TheJesusLizard
-
Steve Albini Way unveiled in Chicago; watch Kim Deal speak at the ceremony, and Jeff Tweedy, Fred Armisen & Mekons’ play the afterparty at Electrical Audio
#SteveAlbini #Chicago #KimDeal #JeffTweedy #FredArmisen #Mekons #ElectricalAudio
-
Kim Deal - Nobody Loves You More
#Album #AlternativePop #AlternativeRock #KimDeal #Savages #SteveAlbini #TeenageFanclub #TheRaconteurs
https://www.musikblog.de/2024/11/kim-deal-nobody-loves-you-more/ -
Well, hello, everyone. I was originally going to write about something a bit different – problem solving and Stoicism – but then I saw this prompt from the journaling app Day One and this feels a bit more meaningful:
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
Truth be told, I have no idea, at least none that I’m aware of. I don’t think I was ever a child, really. In some ways, I didn’t really get to be a child, and in others, I chose not to be one, and in still others, simply…never was one. I was an odd kid who saw too much and asked far too many questions. I knew exactly what I wanted from a very young age, around three or four, and have spent my entire life to date working to get it, as the family and life I was born into was nothing like what I wanted.
I was ruthlessly self aware and extremely critical of myself and even more so of others. I could read by eighteen months old and speak like an adult, and like many AuDHD kids, I had no concept of shame or embarrassment. I was told to be honest and was punished for lying, so when I was asked for my opinion, I gave people my honest opinion fluently. This pissed a lot of people off because it turns out they weren’t looking for an honest opinion and weren’t expecting a well thought out, passionate critique from a toddler in front of everyone they knew.
So I grew up very afraid, confused, and angry. Why would people ask for my opinion and then get angry for me expressing my opinion?! This just pissed me off more, because as fluently as I could speak, I had no concept of social nuance or Southern politeness, and frankly I thought it was all bullshit. So I became a very lonely, angry kid. Nobody in my family expected me to know what I wanted, much less express it with ease and fluency, as they are very indecisive, so I was harshly punished for that, too. From the time I was perhaps five or six, my strongest desire was to be an adult so I could be an adult so I could finally leave all of those indecisive fuckers with their conflicting ideas about manners and the right thing to do in the dust, and I wasn’t shy about that, either. See why I have no idea what it even remotely means to be a kid at heart?
Though, I suppose, imagining for a moment that my family had been made up of decent human beings more in line with the spirit of the question, and not the reality of what happened, I think I could come up with a better answer.
Had my family let me lead the way and actually believed me when I said I knew precisely what I wanted (within reason, of course, with limits to keep me safe from harm), I could them allowing me to explore my myriad special interests and gently nudging me toward keeping an open mind to related areas, accepting me for who I was rather than who they were trying to shape me into, and celebrating my imagination rather than attempting to stifle it in the name of normalcy or propriety.
I wish that my family had accepted and encouraged me in my entirety that way. However, the tragic reality is that they didn’t. That being said, a lot of the work I’ve been doing of late is accepting myself like that. It still feels really weird a lot of the time because I’m so used to suppressing aspects of myself or expecting those around me to ask me to “tone it down”, but nobody does anymore. That in and of itself is terrifying in a way, but deeply and immensely liberating.
In the process, I’ve been able to release a lot of the anger I’ve been holding onto for 27 fucking years and replace it with curiosity, love, and something like wonder. I think this is more of what the prompt was driving at, and I like to think I’m living this.
I couldn’t have done this without my beloved Emerson modeling being a kid at heart for me more or less. He’s never lost that wonder or that curiosity. He’s fucking adorable, passionate about everything, and it’s infectious. Loving him and watching him get fully in touch with his inner childlike wonder has helped me discover mine in many ways for the first time consciously. He has to often drag me out of my shell because anxiety is a fucking bitch, but I’m grateful for it every time he does. He has been helping me gently unfurl a great deal. I call him “baby man” affectionately because of that never ending sense of wonder and youthful rambunctiousness.
Another partner of mine, Hawthorne, is another excellent model for this. They are essentially a tiny radiant goth crow baby darling in person form, and they are so fucking fascinated with so many different things with such great intensity that they cannot help get ME interested in a lot of the same shit effortlessly. In fact, I got started practicing magic in large part YEARS ago in earnest because of them. They opened my mind to so many different things simply by being so excited about them and I honestly don’t know what I would do without that sweet baby.
And as I sit with the eternal question of “what the fuck do I do now” I posed in my post the other day, I’m finding that a lot of my interests are holdovers from when I was fucking pissed at everything, most of myself, and wanting to drink myself into a stupor. I picked many of them up to spite someone or other and they became the sole buffer between oblivion and me with time. Very few of them actually spark any kind of real passion or breathe any kind of real life into me, they’re more like “hey, I’m gonna do this thing as a last resort so I don’t do something worse or permanent because I feel like utter dog shit”. In that way they feel more like a chemical dependency than a real passion. But one of the things I keep coming back to is audio engineering.
Songwriting is one of those chemical dependency things for me. It’s a great outlet when I feel like utter dog shit and have nowhere else to turn, hence why I have written 15 fucking albums. But it’s not the songwriting part of the process that lights me the fuck up. It’s the RECORDING portion. I love recording. It’s something that I love doing so much that even though I’ve produced and recorded fifteen fucking albums on my own, that part of the process never gets old and I love approaching it from different angles every time, trying to do it differently and better with the supplies I have on hand.
Now, I’m someone who gets very bored very easily with things once I know how to do them. I want to move on, chart new territory once I’ve mastered something to my satisfaction. But no. Never with recording and engineering, and it’s been just about fifteen years since I first set foot in a professional recording studio in Dallas. My passion for it pales in comparison to even performing live, which is why I don’t really perform live or promote my music that often. I just really don’t enjoy songwriting or performing that much beyond a last resort outlet. As I heal, I find I would far rather be fucking around behind the controls, trying to capture shit live and seeing what I can do with those takes like Ken Nelson recording Parachutes with Coldplay. Or anything the late Steve Albini did at Electrical Audio in Chicago. That shit never gets old. And that, among other things, makes me feel like the bright eyed kid I never got to be.
I think that gets the point across. Stay tuned for more magic, beautiful people. This has been Lazarus, your very feral, passionate, AuDHD gremlin sorcerer, signing off ✨
Subscribe to Blog via Email
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Email Address
Subscribe
https://opensorceryy.co/a-journey-to-the-center-of-myself/
#albums #art #audioEngineering #backstory #catharsis #childhood #cptsd #creativity #dailyprompt #dailyprompt2106 #deconstruction #ElectricalAudio #Emerson #Hawthorne #Hera #influences #inspiration #introspection #KenNelson #lore #music #onWriting #passions #polyamory #production #ptsd #ramble #recording #songwriting #spiritualJourney #SteveAlbini #tragicBackstory #whatLightsMeTheFuckUp
-
Well, hello, everyone. I was originally going to write about something a bit different – problem solving and Stoicism – but then I saw this prompt from the journaling app Day One and this feels a bit more meaningful:
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
Truth be told, I have no idea, at least none that I’m aware of. I don’t think I was ever a child, really. In some ways, I didn’t really get to be a child, and in others, I chose not to be one, and in still others, simply…never was one. I was an odd kid who saw too much and asked far too many questions. I knew exactly what I wanted from a very young age, around three or four, and have spent my entire life to date working to get it, as the family and life I was born into was nothing like what I wanted.
I was ruthlessly self aware and extremely critical of myself and even more so of others. I could read by eighteen months old and speak like an adult, and like many AuDHD kids, I had no concept of shame or embarrassment. I was told to be honest and was punished for lying, so when I was asked for my opinion, I gave people my honest opinion fluently. This pissed a lot of people off because it turns out they weren’t looking for an honest opinion and weren’t expecting a well thought out, passionate critique from a toddler in front of everyone they knew.
So I grew up very afraid, confused, and angry. Why would people ask for my opinion and then get angry for me expressing my opinion?! This just pissed me off more, because as fluently as I could speak, I had no concept of social nuance or Southern politeness, and frankly I thought it was all bullshit. So I became a very lonely, angry kid. Nobody in my family expected me to know what I wanted, much less express it with ease and fluency, as they are very indecisive, so I was harshly punished for that, too. From the time I was perhaps five or six, my strongest desire was to be an adult so I could be an adult so I could finally leave all of those indecisive fuckers with their conflicting ideas about manners and the right thing to do in the dust, and I wasn’t shy about that, either. See why I have no idea what it even remotely means to be a kid at heart?
Though, I suppose, imagining for a moment that my family had been made up of decent human beings more in line with the spirit of the question, and not the reality of what happened, I think I could come up with a better answer.
Had my family let me lead the way and actually believed me when I said I knew precisely what I wanted (within reason, of course, with limits to keep me safe from harm), I could them allowing me to explore my myriad special interests and gently nudging me toward keeping an open mind to related areas, accepting me for who I was rather than who they were trying to shape me into, and celebrating my imagination rather than attempting to stifle it in the name of normalcy or propriety.
I wish that my family had accepted and encouraged me in my entirety that way. However, the tragic reality is that they didn’t. That being said, a lot of the work I’ve been doing of late is accepting myself like that. It still feels really weird a lot of the time because I’m so used to suppressing aspects of myself or expecting those around me to ask me to “tone it down”, but nobody does anymore. That in and of itself is terrifying in a way, but deeply and immensely liberating.
In the process, I’ve been able to release a lot of the anger I’ve been holding onto for 27 fucking years and replace it with curiosity, love, and something like wonder. I think this is more of what the prompt was driving at, and I like to think I’m living this.
I couldn’t have done this without my beloved Emerson modeling being a kid at heart for me more or less. He’s never lost that wonder or that curiosity. He’s fucking adorable, passionate about everything, and it’s infectious. Loving him and watching him get fully in touch with his inner childlike wonder has helped me discover mine in many ways for the first time consciously. He has to often drag me out of my shell because anxiety is a fucking bitch, but I’m grateful for it every time he does. He has been helping me gently unfurl a great deal. I call him “baby man” affectionately because of that never ending sense of wonder and youthful rambunctiousness.
Another partner of mine, Hawthorne, is another excellent model for this. They are essentially a tiny radiant goth crow baby darling in person form, and they are so fucking fascinated with so many different things with such great intensity that they cannot help get ME interested in a lot of the same shit effortlessly. In fact, I got started practicing magic in large part YEARS ago in earnest because of them. They opened my mind to so many different things simply by being so excited about them and I honestly don’t know what I would do without that sweet baby.
And as I sit with the eternal question of “what the fuck do I do now” I posed in my post the other day, I’m finding that a lot of my interests are holdovers from when I was fucking pissed at everything, most of myself, and wanting to drink myself into a stupor. I picked many of them up to spite someone or other and they became the sole buffer between oblivion and me with time. Very few of them actually spark any kind of real passion or breathe any kind of real life into me, they’re more like “hey, I’m gonna do this thing as a last resort so I don’t do something worse or permanent because I feel like utter dog shit”. In that way they feel more like a chemical dependency than a real passion. But one of the things I keep coming back to is audio engineering.
Songwriting is one of those chemical dependency things for me. It’s a great outlet when I feel like utter dog shit and have nowhere else to turn, hence why I have written 15 fucking albums. But it’s not the songwriting part of the process that lights me the fuck up. It’s the RECORDING portion. I love recording. It’s something that I love doing so much that even though I’ve produced and recorded fifteen fucking albums on my own, that part of the process never gets old and I love approaching it from different angles every time, trying to do it differently and better with the supplies I have on hand.
Now, I’m someone who gets very bored very easily with things once I know how to do them. I want to move on, chart new territory once I’ve mastered something to my satisfaction. But no. Never with recording and engineering, and it’s been just about fifteen years since I first set foot in a professional recording studio in Dallas. My passion for it pales in comparison to even performing live, which is why I don’t really perform live or promote my music that often. I just really don’t enjoy songwriting or performing that much beyond a last resort outlet. As I heal, I find I would far rather be fucking around behind the controls, trying to capture shit live and seeing what I can do with those takes like Ken Nelson recording Parachutes with Coldplay. Or anything the late Steve Albini did at Electrical Audio in Chicago. That shit never gets old. And that, among other things, makes me feel like the bright eyed kid I never got to be.
I think that gets the point across. Stay tuned for more magic, beautiful people. This has been Lazarus, your very feral, passionate, AuDHD gremlin sorcerer, signing off ✨
Subscribe to Blog via Email
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Email Address
Subscribe
https://opensorceryy.co/a-journey-to-the-center-of-myself/
#albums #art #audioEngineering #backstory #catharsis #childhood #cptsd #creativity #dailyprompt #dailyprompt2106 #deconstruction #ElectricalAudio #Emerson #Hawthorne #Hera #influences #inspiration #introspection #KenNelson #lore #music #onWriting #passions #polyamory #production #ptsd #ramble #recording #songwriting #spiritualJourney #SteveAlbini #tragicBackstory #whatLightsMeTheFuckUp
-
Well, hello, everyone. I was originally going to write about something a bit different – problem solving and Stoicism – but then I saw this prompt from the journaling app Day One and this feels a bit more meaningful:
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
Truth be told, I have no idea, at least none that I’m aware of. I don’t think I was ever a child, really. In some ways, I didn’t really get to be a child, and in others, I chose not to be one, and in still others, simply…never was one. I was an odd kid who saw too much and asked far too many questions. I knew exactly what I wanted from a very young age, around three or four, and have spent my entire life to date working to get it, as the family and life I was born into was nothing like what I wanted.
I was ruthlessly self aware and extremely critical of myself and even more so of others. I could read by eighteen months old and speak like an adult, and like many AuDHD kids, I had no concept of shame or embarrassment. I was told to be honest and was punished for lying, so when I was asked for my opinion, I gave people my honest opinion fluently. This pissed a lot of people off because it turns out they weren’t looking for an honest opinion and weren’t expecting a well thought out, passionate critique from a toddler in front of everyone they knew.
So I grew up very afraid, confused, and angry. Why would people ask for my opinion and then get angry for me expressing my opinion?! This just pissed me off more, because as fluently as I could speak, I had no concept of social nuance or Southern politeness, and frankly I thought it was all bullshit. So I became a very lonely, angry kid. Nobody in my family expected me to know what I wanted, much less express it with ease and fluency, as they are very indecisive, so I was harshly punished for that, too. From the time I was perhaps five or six, my strongest desire was to be an adult so I could be an adult so I could finally leave all of those indecisive fuckers with their conflicting ideas about manners and the right thing to do in the dust, and I wasn’t shy about that, either. See why I have no idea what it even remotely means to be a kid at heart?
Though, I suppose, imagining for a moment that my family had been made up of decent human beings more in line with the spirit of the question, and not the reality of what happened, I think I could come up with a better answer.
Had my family let me lead the way and actually believed me when I said I knew precisely what I wanted (within reason, of course, with limits to keep me safe from harm), I could them allowing me to explore my myriad special interests and gently nudging me toward keeping an open mind to related areas, accepting me for who I was rather than who they were trying to shape me into, and celebrating my imagination rather than attempting to stifle it in the name of normalcy or propriety.
I wish that my family had accepted and encouraged me in my entirety that way. However, the tragic reality is that they didn’t. That being said, a lot of the work I’ve been doing of late is accepting myself like that. It still feels really weird a lot of the time because I’m so used to suppressing aspects of myself or expecting those around me to ask me to “tone it down”, but nobody does anymore. That in and of itself is terrifying in a way, but deeply and immensely liberating.
In the process, I’ve been able to release a lot of the anger I’ve been holding onto for 27 fucking years and replace it with curiosity, love, and something like wonder. I think this is more of what the prompt was driving at, and I like to think I’m living this.
I couldn’t have done this without my beloved Emerson modeling being a kid at heart for me more or less. He’s never lost that wonder or that curiosity. He’s fucking adorable, passionate about everything, and it’s infectious. Loving him and watching him get fully in touch with his inner childlike wonder has helped me discover mine in many ways for the first time consciously. He has to often drag me out of my shell because anxiety is a fucking bitch, but I’m grateful for it every time he does. He has been helping me gently unfurl a great deal. I call him “baby man” affectionately because of that never ending sense of wonder and youthful rambunctiousness.
Another partner of mine, Hawthorne, is another excellent model for this. They are essentially a tiny radiant goth crow baby darling in person form, and they are so fucking fascinated with so many different things with such great intensity that they cannot help get ME interested in a lot of the same shit effortlessly. In fact, I got started practicing magic in large part YEARS ago in earnest because of them. They opened my mind to so many different things simply by being so excited about them and I honestly don’t know what I would do without that sweet baby.
And as I sit with the eternal question of “what the fuck do I do now” I posed in my post the other day, I’m finding that a lot of my interests are holdovers from when I was fucking pissed at everything, most of myself, and wanting to drink myself into a stupor. I picked many of them up to spite someone or other and they became the sole buffer between oblivion and me with time. Very few of them actually spark any kind of real passion or breathe any kind of real life into me, they’re more like “hey, I’m gonna do this thing as a last resort so I don’t do something worse or permanent because I feel like utter dog shit”. In that way they feel more like a chemical dependency than a real passion. But one of the things I keep coming back to is audio engineering.
Songwriting is one of those chemical dependency things for me. It’s a great outlet when I feel like utter dog shit and have nowhere else to turn, hence why I have written 15 fucking albums. But it’s not the songwriting part of the process that lights me the fuck up. It’s the RECORDING portion. I love recording. It’s something that I love doing so much that even though I’ve produced and recorded fifteen fucking albums on my own, that part of the process never gets old and I love approaching it from different angles every time, trying to do it differently and better with the supplies I have on hand.
Now, I’m someone who gets very bored very easily with things once I know how to do them. I want to move on, chart new territory once I’ve mastered something to my satisfaction. But no. Never with recording and engineering, and it’s been just about fifteen years since I first set foot in a professional recording studio in Dallas. My passion for it pales in comparison to even performing live, which is why I don’t really perform live or promote my music that often. I just really don’t enjoy songwriting or performing that much beyond a last resort outlet. As I heal, I find I would far rather be fucking around behind the controls, trying to capture shit live and seeing what I can do with those takes like Ken Nelson recording Parachutes with Coldplay. Or anything the late Steve Albini did at Electrical Audio in Chicago. That shit never gets old. And that, among other things, makes me feel like the bright eyed kid I never got to be.
I think that gets the point across. Stay tuned for more magic, beautiful people. This has been Lazarus, your very feral, passionate, AuDHD gremlin sorcerer, signing off ✨
Subscribe to Blog via Email
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Email Address
Subscribe
https://opensorceryy.co/a-journey-to-the-center-of-myself/
#albums #art #audioEngineering #backstory #catharsis #childhood #cptsd #creativity #dailyprompt #dailyprompt2106 #deconstruction #ElectricalAudio #Emerson #Hawthorne #Hera #influences #inspiration #introspection #KenNelson #lore #music #onWriting #passions #polyamory #production #ptsd #ramble #recording #songwriting #spiritualJourney #SteveAlbini #tragicBackstory #whatLightsMeTheFuckUp
-
Steve Albini's Electrical Audio Recording Studio Looks To Future After Iconic Owner's Death
#music #PunkRock #AltRock #IndieMusic #SteveAlbini #ElectricalAudio
-
#TheMetalDogArticleList
#MetalInjection
Chicago Named A Street After STEVE ALBINI
Steve Albini forever.https://metalinjection.net/news/chicago-named-a-street-after-steve-albini
#SteveAlbini #Chicago #SteveAlbiniWay #ElectricalAudio #Nirvana #Pixies #Neurosis #Om #SunnO #Weedeater #TheJesusLizard #Helmet #Jawbreaker #Shellac #BigBlack #TouchAndGoRecords
-
Steve Albini Gets Chicago Street Named in His Honor
https://pitchfork.com/news/steve-albini-gets-chicago-street-named-in-his-honor
#music #PunkRock #NoiseRock #SteveAlbini #BigBlack #Shellac #Chicago
-
#TheMetalDogArticleList
#Loudwire
Rockers We've Lost in 2024
The music world has suffered more losses in 2024. See which rockers have died in this calendar year.https://loudwire.com/rockers-weve-lost-2024/
#RockersWeLost #DickeyBetts #JamesKottak #WayneKramer #JonWysocki #SteveAlbini
-
I've been listening to a lot of Big Black and Shellac recently. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
https://open.substack.com/pub/tangleofwires/p/time-is-patient-like-a-hunter
