“Discontent is the secret door to significant and life-giving change.” This absolute gem of a quote by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés resonates with me now more than ever.
In Women Who Run With the Wolves, Dr. Estés discusses the discontent we feel when we’re disconnected from our wild spirit. This wilderness within us is our ancestral home. And when the grind of work, chores, distractions, or (in my case) addiction get in between us and our home, we dry out.
We shrivel. We wither. We die a little faster each day like a seal that’s been out of the water for too long.
But we can come back.
We can find our home again. We can heal ourselves. We can reclaim our wild spirit.
For me, the healing started small. I began flossing. I did 10 pushups a day. I ran 5k per week. I meditated 5 minutes every morning.
Then I quit meat, quit drinking, and quit my job. I quit Instagram, Facebook, & 9Gag. I went to therapy to heal my social anxiety and my fear of water.
Each thing I started and each thing I quit brought me closer to myself. And it brought me closer to nature: the forest, the mountains, the beach, and the sea.
My body is healing. My mind is healing. My heart and my spirit heal with them. And though my life now is practically the opposite of the one I was living when my healing began, that healing continues. I spend most of my time outdoors. I work with my hands planting vegetables, building simple structures, and carving kuripés out of cypress wood.
Now I’m up to 60-120 pushups per day, running barefoot 10-20k per week. And thanks to Vipassana, I sit in meditation for 1-2 hours. Every single day. I’ve picked up drawing again after 10+ years, singing after 15+ years, and jamming with professional musicians for the first time in my life.
But the healing journey continues. I’m confronting my darkest shadows, deepest shame, and most fearsome demons. And I’m falling in love with them. But it ain’t easy.
The other day, I felt it again. The discontent, the ennui, the anger, fear, and dissatisfaction that I couldn’t explain. And was grumpy with my partner for no reason. I felt no motivation to work, create, or even be here at all.
Then I journaled. I let my subconscious mind speak to me through a hand scraping a pen across a notebook. That’s when I realized that this unexplained feeling was the wilderness - my wild spirit. Calling me home.
So instead of a laptop, I grabbed a snorkel and fins. I biked out to the coast. And I spent 2 hours underwater looking at fish, sea grass, reefs, and ocean creatures I can’t even identify. I went on an away mission, exploring a strange new world, boldly going where I hadn’t been before.
At the end of it, I was cold, tired, sore, thirsty, and exhausted. And happy as a clam!
I felt the call of the wild. And once I recognized it for what it was, I followed it. And it saved me. It healed me. It brought me back to life.
Do you feel sensations like this? Emotions like this? Do you hear the ancient conch in your blood, calling you to adventure?
If you do, follow it. Take a day, an hour, ten minutes - whatever you can. Spend it in nature, doing something you love but haven’t done in ages, or just sitting in silence by yourself. Free write in your journal, dance around naked to your favorite song, climb a tree, and just be a kid again.
Just be you again.
Thank you for taking care of yourself, love. And thank you for all the work you do, for the hard choices you make every day. I see you!
And thank you Dr. Estés for your phenomenally powerful words. Thank you Goenkaji for bringing Vipassana into so many lives that need it. And thank you to everyone who’s been a part of my journey, guiding me along my transformation. I couldn’t live as I do without you.
May this moment bring you happiness, peace, freedom, and love. 🙏🏼
#RewildMyLife #Transformation #MentalFitness #mentalhealth
