#burnoutrecovery — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #burnoutrecovery, aggregated by home.social.
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If your negative thought is genuinely just describing how things are, with no interpretation on the facts — that's not something you need to talk yourself out of. But if it's the way you're thinking about something, there might be some flexibility in that. 1/2
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #Interoception
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If your negative thought is genuinely just describing how things are, with no interpretation on the facts — that's not something you need to talk yourself out of. But if it's the way you're thinking about something, there might be some flexibility in that. 1/2
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #Interoception
-
If your negative thought is genuinely just describing how things are, with no interpretation on the facts — that's not something you need to talk yourself out of. But if it's the way you're thinking about something, there might be some flexibility in that. 1/2
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #Interoception
-
If your negative thought is genuinely just describing how things are, with no interpretation on the facts — that's not something you need to talk yourself out of. But if it's the way you're thinking about something, there might be some flexibility in that. 1/2
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #Interoception
-
If your negative thought is genuinely just describing how things are, with no interpretation on the facts — that's not something you need to talk yourself out of. But if it's the way you're thinking about something, there might be some flexibility in that. 1/2
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #Interoception
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At times in my life when the external requirements on me have conflicted with my internal needs or reality, the dissonance between those two has proved immense, painful, energy draining, and lonely. 1/2
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticMasking
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At times in my life when the external requirements on me have conflicted with my internal needs or reality, the dissonance between those two has proved immense, painful, energy draining, and lonely. 1/2
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticMasking
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At times in my life when the external requirements on me have conflicted with my internal needs or reality, the dissonance between those two has proved immense, painful, energy draining, and lonely. 1/2
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticMasking
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At times in my life when the external requirements on me have conflicted with my internal needs or reality, the dissonance between those two has proved immense, painful, energy draining, and lonely. 1/2
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticMasking
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At times in my life when the external requirements on me have conflicted with my internal needs or reality, the dissonance between those two has proved immense, painful, energy draining, and lonely. 1/2
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticMasking
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Here's a hard truth. Even when things were at their hardest — I was surviving. I was making it.
Not always well. Not in any way I liked. But I was doing it.
Which meant I could do it. Which meant I could keep doing it. 1/2
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Neurodiversity
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Today I changed my bedsheets AND made a delicious tomato chard bean stew in the Instant Pot. Huge improvement from 2 weeks ago, when I had to lie as still as possible and ration my trips out of bed to minimise exertion. Time will tell if I get PEM from this, but my Visible tracker seems to think I'm good. #burnoutrecovery
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A common thing when you start exploring sensory stuff is that you find all this stuff that you’ve been shutting out, you’ve been working to dissociate from, to ignore, to numb, or to cancel out in various ways.
And it just feels like everything is just more annoying rather than helping. 1/3
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Pushing past your capacity doesn't make you more productive.
It makes you burned out. And then you can't work at all. 1/3#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
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#StressManagement #BurnoutRecovery #HerbalTea #DailyRitual -
When emotions come up, it can help to ask yourself what you're noticing in your body right then. That starts connecting "hey, there's an emotional experience here" with the physical sensations connected to it. 1/2
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If physical sensations and emotions seem non-relevant to you, like they did to me for most of my life, here’s an explanation. 1/5
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Autistic #Sensory #BurnoutRecovery #Interoception
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#stabilization #sleepRecovery #sleepDebt #burnoutRecovery #burnout #healthRecovery #autonomicNervousSystem #stressManagement #panicDisorder #anxiety #syncope #cardiology #arrhythmiaRisk #medicalSafety #noSelfMedication #riskControl #cognitiveLoad #deepWork #workRhythm #digitalEyeStrain #screenFatigue #metabolicHealth #fatigueManagement #recoveryProtocol #systemFailure #healthArchitecture
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#stabilization #sleepRecovery #sleepDebt #burnoutRecovery #burnout #healthRecovery #autonomicNervousSystem #stressManagement #panicDisorder #anxiety #syncope #cardiology #arrhythmiaRisk #medicalSafety #noSelfMedication #riskControl #cognitiveLoad #deepWork #workRhythm #digitalEyeStrain #screenFatigue #metabolicHealth #fatigueManagement #recoveryProtocol #systemFailure #healthArchitecture
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🧭 Section 3 — Stabilization Protocol (Ideal-in-Real Conditions)
🎯 Goal
eliminate loss-of-consciousness episodes
stabilize the autonomic nervous system
reduce panic spikes
restore baseline cognitive function
maintain work functionality in real conditions
#stabilization #healthRecovery #burnoutRecovery #neurostability
---
1. 🧱 Core layer (mandatory — nothing works without this)
💤 Sleep (foundation of recovery)
Goal is not “ideal”, but exiting collapse mode
2–3h → 4–5h (first 3–5 days)
then → 6h stabilization
then → 7h target baseline
⚠️ Without this, any medication layer only masks symptoms temporarily
#sleepRecovery #sleepDebt #recoveryCycle
---
⚡ Nervous system load control
caffeine: drastically reduce (or temporarily remove if tachycardia present)
screen load: breaks every 45–60 min (5–10 min reset)
avoid sudden standing (orthostatic collapse risk)
#nervousSystem #autonomicBalance #loadManagement
---
2. 🧠 Neuro layer (panic / overload)
Symptoms: → panic disorder
Clinical approach (real medicine):
short-term anxiolytics / SSRIs / beta-blockers — ONLY under physician supervision
goal: suppress spikes, not “mute emotions”
⚠️ Self-medication here can worsen blood pressure, heart rate, and cognition
#panicDisorder #anxiety #mentalHealth #clinicalApproach
---
3. ❤️ Cardiovascular risk layer (syncope)
Symptom: → syncope
Critical exclusion: → cardiac arrhythmia
Required diagnostics:
ECG / Holter monitoring
orthostatic blood pressure checks
electrolytes + glucose tests
💊 Any “energy/stimulant correction” without this is unsafe
#syncope #cardiology #riskControl #diagnostics
---
4. 🔋 Metabolic layer
regular meals (prevents “wobbly legs”)
hydration + electrolytes
stable glucose levels
#metabolism #energyBalance #fatigueControl
---
5. 👁️ Vision (not root cause, but amplifier)
→ Computer Vision Syndrome
reduce continuous visual focus
apply 20–20–20 rule
control lighting and contrast
#digitalEyeStrain #screenFatigue #visionStress
---
6. 💊 Pharmacological layer (strict separation)
❌ NOT allowed:
stimulants “to push through”
sleeping pills without diagnosis
mixing sedatives intuitively
self-prescribed beta-blockers / SSRIs
#noSelfMedication #pharmaSafety #riskControl
---
⚠️ ONLY under medical supervision:
short-term anti-anxiety treatment
long-term anxiety disorder management
cardiovascular regulation if diagnosed
#medicalSupervision #psychiatry #evidenceBased
---
7. 🧩 Realistic operational mode
Day (working cycle)
45–60 min work blocks
5–10 min recovery breaks
no skipped meals
controlled standing/movement
Evening
aggressive reduction of stimulation
screen off 60–90 min before sleep
Night
fixed sleep window (not “when possible”)
#workRhythm #deepWork #recoveryBreaks
---
🚨 RED LINE
If:
repeated loss of consciousness
chest pain / severe palpitations
confusion episodes
→ this is no longer stabilization mode, but urgent medical evaluation
#emergency #redFlag #medicalUrgency
---
🧠 Conclusion
This is not simple fatigue. It is systemic autonomic decompensation driven by severe sleep deprivation.
Pharmacology here:
not the base
not a workaround
but a secondary layer after proper diagnosis
#burnout #systemFailure #sleepCollapse #healthSystem
---
If you want the next section:
“Work Survival Architecture (how to function without relapsing into collapse)”
-
🧭 Section 3 — Stabilization Protocol (Ideal-in-Real Conditions)
🎯 Goal
eliminate loss-of-consciousness episodes
stabilize the autonomic nervous system
reduce panic spikes
restore baseline cognitive function
maintain work functionality in real conditions
#stabilization #healthRecovery #burnoutRecovery #neurostability
---
1. 🧱 Core layer (mandatory — nothing works without this)
💤 Sleep (foundation of recovery)
Goal is not “ideal”, but exiting collapse mode
2–3h → 4–5h (first 3–5 days)
then → 6h stabilization
then → 7h target baseline
⚠️ Without this, any medication layer only masks symptoms temporarily
#sleepRecovery #sleepDebt #recoveryCycle
---
⚡ Nervous system load control
caffeine: drastically reduce (or temporarily remove if tachycardia present)
screen load: breaks every 45–60 min (5–10 min reset)
avoid sudden standing (orthostatic collapse risk)
#nervousSystem #autonomicBalance #loadManagement
---
2. 🧠 Neuro layer (panic / overload)
Symptoms: → panic disorder
Clinical approach (real medicine):
short-term anxiolytics / SSRIs / beta-blockers — ONLY under physician supervision
goal: suppress spikes, not “mute emotions”
⚠️ Self-medication here can worsen blood pressure, heart rate, and cognition
#panicDisorder #anxiety #mentalHealth #clinicalApproach
---
3. ❤️ Cardiovascular risk layer (syncope)
Symptom: → syncope
Critical exclusion: → cardiac arrhythmia
Required diagnostics:
ECG / Holter monitoring
orthostatic blood pressure checks
electrolytes + glucose tests
💊 Any “energy/stimulant correction” without this is unsafe
#syncope #cardiology #riskControl #diagnostics
---
4. 🔋 Metabolic layer
regular meals (prevents “wobbly legs”)
hydration + electrolytes
stable glucose levels
#metabolism #energyBalance #fatigueControl
---
5. 👁️ Vision (not root cause, but amplifier)
→ Computer Vision Syndrome
reduce continuous visual focus
apply 20–20–20 rule
control lighting and contrast
#digitalEyeStrain #screenFatigue #visionStress
---
6. 💊 Pharmacological layer (strict separation)
❌ NOT allowed:
stimulants “to push through”
sleeping pills without diagnosis
mixing sedatives intuitively
self-prescribed beta-blockers / SSRIs
#noSelfMedication #pharmaSafety #riskControl
---
⚠️ ONLY under medical supervision:
short-term anti-anxiety treatment
long-term anxiety disorder management
cardiovascular regulation if diagnosed
#medicalSupervision #psychiatry #evidenceBased
---
7. 🧩 Realistic operational mode
Day (working cycle)
45–60 min work blocks
5–10 min recovery breaks
no skipped meals
controlled standing/movement
Evening
aggressive reduction of stimulation
screen off 60–90 min before sleep
Night
fixed sleep window (not “when possible”)
#workRhythm #deepWork #recoveryBreaks
---
🚨 RED LINE
If:
repeated loss of consciousness
chest pain / severe palpitations
confusion episodes
→ this is no longer stabilization mode, but urgent medical evaluation
#emergency #redFlag #medicalUrgency
---
🧠 Conclusion
This is not simple fatigue. It is systemic autonomic decompensation driven by severe sleep deprivation.
Pharmacology here:
not the base
not a workaround
but a secondary layer after proper diagnosis
#burnout #systemFailure #sleepCollapse #healthSystem
---
If you want the next section:
“Work Survival Architecture (how to function without relapsing into collapse)”
-
🧭 Section 3 — Stabilization Protocol (Ideal-in-Real Conditions)
🎯 Goal
eliminate loss-of-consciousness episodes
stabilize the autonomic nervous system
reduce panic spikes
restore baseline cognitive function
maintain work functionality in real conditions
#stabilization #healthRecovery #burnoutRecovery #neurostability
---
1. 🧱 Core layer (mandatory — nothing works without this)
💤 Sleep (foundation of recovery)
Goal is not “ideal”, but exiting collapse mode
2–3h → 4–5h (first 3–5 days)
then → 6h stabilization
then → 7h target baseline
⚠️ Without this, any medication layer only masks symptoms temporarily
#sleepRecovery #sleepDebt #recoveryCycle
---
⚡ Nervous system load control
caffeine: drastically reduce (or temporarily remove if tachycardia present)
screen load: breaks every 45–60 min (5–10 min reset)
avoid sudden standing (orthostatic collapse risk)
#nervousSystem #autonomicBalance #loadManagement
---
2. 🧠 Neuro layer (panic / overload)
Symptoms: → panic disorder
Clinical approach (real medicine):
short-term anxiolytics / SSRIs / beta-blockers — ONLY under physician supervision
goal: suppress spikes, not “mute emotions”
⚠️ Self-medication here can worsen blood pressure, heart rate, and cognition
#panicDisorder #anxiety #mentalHealth #clinicalApproach
---
3. ❤️ Cardiovascular risk layer (syncope)
Symptom: → syncope
Critical exclusion: → cardiac arrhythmia
Required diagnostics:
ECG / Holter monitoring
orthostatic blood pressure checks
electrolytes + glucose tests
💊 Any “energy/stimulant correction” without this is unsafe
#syncope #cardiology #riskControl #diagnostics
---
4. 🔋 Metabolic layer
regular meals (prevents “wobbly legs”)
hydration + electrolytes
stable glucose levels
#metabolism #energyBalance #fatigueControl
---
5. 👁️ Vision (not root cause, but amplifier)
→ Computer Vision Syndrome
reduce continuous visual focus
apply 20–20–20 rule
control lighting and contrast
#digitalEyeStrain #screenFatigue #visionStress
---
6. 💊 Pharmacological layer (strict separation)
❌ NOT allowed:
stimulants “to push through”
sleeping pills without diagnosis
mixing sedatives intuitively
self-prescribed beta-blockers / SSRIs
#noSelfMedication #pharmaSafety #riskControl
---
⚠️ ONLY under medical supervision:
short-term anti-anxiety treatment
long-term anxiety disorder management
cardiovascular regulation if diagnosed
#medicalSupervision #psychiatry #evidenceBased
---
7. 🧩 Realistic operational mode
Day (working cycle)
45–60 min work blocks
5–10 min recovery breaks
no skipped meals
controlled standing/movement
Evening
aggressive reduction of stimulation
screen off 60–90 min before sleep
Night
fixed sleep window (not “when possible”)
#workRhythm #deepWork #recoveryBreaks
---
🚨 RED LINE
If:
repeated loss of consciousness
chest pain / severe palpitations
confusion episodes
→ this is no longer stabilization mode, but urgent medical evaluation
#emergency #redFlag #medicalUrgency
---
🧠 Conclusion
This is not simple fatigue. It is systemic autonomic decompensation driven by severe sleep deprivation.
Pharmacology here:
not the base
not a workaround
but a secondary layer after proper diagnosis
#burnout #systemFailure #sleepCollapse #healthSystem
---
If you want the next section:
“Work Survival Architecture (how to function without relapsing into collapse)”
-
🧭 Section 3 — Stabilization Protocol (Ideal-in-Real Conditions)
🎯 Goal
eliminate loss-of-consciousness episodes
stabilize the autonomic nervous system
reduce panic spikes
restore baseline cognitive function
maintain work functionality in real conditions
#stabilization #healthRecovery #burnoutRecovery #neurostability
---
1. 🧱 Core layer (mandatory — nothing works without this)
💤 Sleep (foundation of recovery)
Goal is not “ideal”, but exiting collapse mode
2–3h → 4–5h (first 3–5 days)
then → 6h stabilization
then → 7h target baseline
⚠️ Without this, any medication layer only masks symptoms temporarily
#sleepRecovery #sleepDebt #recoveryCycle
---
⚡ Nervous system load control
caffeine: drastically reduce (or temporarily remove if tachycardia present)
screen load: breaks every 45–60 min (5–10 min reset)
avoid sudden standing (orthostatic collapse risk)
#nervousSystem #autonomicBalance #loadManagement
---
2. 🧠 Neuro layer (panic / overload)
Symptoms: → panic disorder
Clinical approach (real medicine):
short-term anxiolytics / SSRIs / beta-blockers — ONLY under physician supervision
goal: suppress spikes, not “mute emotions”
⚠️ Self-medication here can worsen blood pressure, heart rate, and cognition
#panicDisorder #anxiety #mentalHealth #clinicalApproach
---
3. ❤️ Cardiovascular risk layer (syncope)
Symptom: → syncope
Critical exclusion: → cardiac arrhythmia
Required diagnostics:
ECG / Holter monitoring
orthostatic blood pressure checks
electrolytes + glucose tests
💊 Any “energy/stimulant correction” without this is unsafe
#syncope #cardiology #riskControl #diagnostics
---
4. 🔋 Metabolic layer
regular meals (prevents “wobbly legs”)
hydration + electrolytes
stable glucose levels
#metabolism #energyBalance #fatigueControl
---
5. 👁️ Vision (not root cause, but amplifier)
→ Computer Vision Syndrome
reduce continuous visual focus
apply 20–20–20 rule
control lighting and contrast
#digitalEyeStrain #screenFatigue #visionStress
---
6. 💊 Pharmacological layer (strict separation)
❌ NOT allowed:
stimulants “to push through”
sleeping pills without diagnosis
mixing sedatives intuitively
self-prescribed beta-blockers / SSRIs
#noSelfMedication #pharmaSafety #riskControl
---
⚠️ ONLY under medical supervision:
short-term anti-anxiety treatment
long-term anxiety disorder management
cardiovascular regulation if diagnosed
#medicalSupervision #psychiatry #evidenceBased
---
7. 🧩 Realistic operational mode
Day (working cycle)
45–60 min work blocks
5–10 min recovery breaks
no skipped meals
controlled standing/movement
Evening
aggressive reduction of stimulation
screen off 60–90 min before sleep
Night
fixed sleep window (not “when possible”)
#workRhythm #deepWork #recoveryBreaks
---
🚨 RED LINE
If:
repeated loss of consciousness
chest pain / severe palpitations
confusion episodes
→ this is no longer stabilization mode, but urgent medical evaluation
#emergency #redFlag #medicalUrgency
---
🧠 Conclusion
This is not simple fatigue. It is systemic autonomic decompensation driven by severe sleep deprivation.
Pharmacology here:
not the base
not a workaround
but a secondary layer after proper diagnosis
#burnout #systemFailure #sleepCollapse #healthSystem
---
If you want the next section:
“Work Survival Architecture (how to function without relapsing into collapse)”
-
🧭 Section 3 — Stabilization Protocol (Ideal-in-Real Conditions)
🎯 Goal
eliminate loss-of-consciousness episodes
stabilize the autonomic nervous system
reduce panic spikes
restore baseline cognitive function
maintain work functionality in real conditions
#stabilization #healthRecovery #burnoutRecovery #neurostability
---
1. 🧱 Core layer (mandatory — nothing works without this)
💤 Sleep (foundation of recovery)
Goal is not “ideal”, but exiting collapse mode
2–3h → 4–5h (first 3–5 days)
then → 6h stabilization
then → 7h target baseline
⚠️ Without this, any medication layer only masks symptoms temporarily
#sleepRecovery #sleepDebt #recoveryCycle
---
⚡ Nervous system load control
caffeine: drastically reduce (or temporarily remove if tachycardia present)
screen load: breaks every 45–60 min (5–10 min reset)
avoid sudden standing (orthostatic collapse risk)
#nervousSystem #autonomicBalance #loadManagement
---
2. 🧠 Neuro layer (panic / overload)
Symptoms: → panic disorder
Clinical approach (real medicine):
short-term anxiolytics / SSRIs / beta-blockers — ONLY under physician supervision
goal: suppress spikes, not “mute emotions”
⚠️ Self-medication here can worsen blood pressure, heart rate, and cognition
#panicDisorder #anxiety #mentalHealth #clinicalApproach
---
3. ❤️ Cardiovascular risk layer (syncope)
Symptom: → syncope
Critical exclusion: → cardiac arrhythmia
Required diagnostics:
ECG / Holter monitoring
orthostatic blood pressure checks
electrolytes + glucose tests
💊 Any “energy/stimulant correction” without this is unsafe
#syncope #cardiology #riskControl #diagnostics
---
4. 🔋 Metabolic layer
regular meals (prevents “wobbly legs”)
hydration + electrolytes
stable glucose levels
#metabolism #energyBalance #fatigueControl
---
5. 👁️ Vision (not root cause, but amplifier)
→ Computer Vision Syndrome
reduce continuous visual focus
apply 20–20–20 rule
control lighting and contrast
#digitalEyeStrain #screenFatigue #visionStress
---
6. 💊 Pharmacological layer (strict separation)
❌ NOT allowed:
stimulants “to push through”
sleeping pills without diagnosis
mixing sedatives intuitively
self-prescribed beta-blockers / SSRIs
#noSelfMedication #pharmaSafety #riskControl
---
⚠️ ONLY under medical supervision:
short-term anti-anxiety treatment
long-term anxiety disorder management
cardiovascular regulation if diagnosed
#medicalSupervision #psychiatry #evidenceBased
---
7. 🧩 Realistic operational mode
Day (working cycle)
45–60 min work blocks
5–10 min recovery breaks
no skipped meals
controlled standing/movement
Evening
aggressive reduction of stimulation
screen off 60–90 min before sleep
Night
fixed sleep window (not “when possible”)
#workRhythm #deepWork #recoveryBreaks
---
🚨 RED LINE
If:
repeated loss of consciousness
chest pain / severe palpitations
confusion episodes
→ this is no longer stabilization mode, but urgent medical evaluation
#emergency #redFlag #medicalUrgency
---
🧠 Conclusion
This is not simple fatigue. It is systemic autonomic decompensation driven by severe sleep deprivation.
Pharmacology here:
not the base
not a workaround
but a secondary layer after proper diagnosis
#burnout #systemFailure #sleepCollapse #healthSystem
---
If you want the next section:
“Work Survival Architecture (how to function without relapsing into collapse)”
-
So much of what's shaped my life has been social pressure, expectations, or things completely outside my control. 1/2
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Autistic #Neurodiversity #BurnoutRecovery
-
It's okay to start with the less bad option.
When I was rebuilding after burnout, I wasn't starting from a place of thriving. I was starting from a place of "what can I actually do right now?" 1/3
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
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Your impulse to cut back on things has been spot on. But it matters what you're cutting back on.
Cutting back on work hours, without changing the actual conditions of your work, doesn't make as much difference as you'd hope. 1/3
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
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Since I’ve been more active in both coaching and autism advocacy, people have asked me lots of questions. But one of the ones I get most often is, “How do I get out of burnout without changing much in my life?” 1/3
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
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I give myself permission to be less productive some days, and for that to be inconsistent and unpredictable. There are days that are just, “this is a pain day, this is not going to work for me”. Or “this is a day where my focus is not here, I don’t know where it went, but it’s not here”. 1/2
-
CW: Burnout, mental and physical ill health
It's been six months now of declining health. I was chronically ill due to #multiplesclerosis before, but external circumstances have piled on and on and left me in a much worse state.
It started with the loss of half of my disability benefits forcing me to push past my limits to make money, then getting COVID, then having to push even further to do a trip to London to perform a show for only 4 people, and then my semi-estranged father died. Along the way I learned something very distressing related to a major trauma from my past, I had a sudden dramatic psychological change that might be an MS attack (still waiting on MRI results), and I got rejected for all the grants I'd applied for. Then I fell in love with someone who wasn't good for me and got my heart broken. I'm polyam and the only good thing in my life is that I still have an incredible partner who loves me and who came over to care for me for a few weeks, but now she's back in Canada and I don't know when I'll see her again.
I'm currently having to spend the vast majority of my time horizontal in bed, I hope just due to a temporary glitch in my pain meds. My sleep is severely disrupted due to pain and mental distress, both of which are made worse by lack of sleep. Despite this, I'm still making some progress on #burnoutrecovery by increasing my tolerance for thinking about creative projects again, spending more time reading, and taking steps to access talk therapy.
-
CW: Mental and physical health, burnout
Some progress on #burnoutrecovery after my partner spent three weeks taking care of me. She's really refilled my emotional tank and helped me to regain some of my self-esteem. I'm feeling proud of who I am in at least some ways. She also helped with day to day tasks a lot, which allowed me to get better quality rest and freed up some energy for cooking healthy meals.
It's difficult to adjust now that she's gone back to Canada. I'm struggling with things like washing dishes, staying hydrated, and deciding what to do with myself when I'm awake. Also, I overdid it on the trip to London to see her to the airport, and it's thrown me into a crash with higher heart rate and increased fatigue. It's hard to choose between being horizontal as much as possible and maintaining good sleep hygiene.
I had a consultation with an NHS talking therapies service this week, and they are going to get back to me on whether and how they can help me. I haven't had any indication that my case might be too complex for them, but I'm nervous that my honesty about being a plural system might become an issue. Together we identified that my main therapy goal would be to restore my capacity for excitement, and reduce the impact that resentment and dread have on my enjoyment of my own and other people's art.
A very embarrassing thought that keeps coming up when the career grief sets in is "I wanted to be loved". I am loved of course, but my heart has been aching for a long time over the loss of creative community and audience that happened over the past decade, which intensified when #multiplesclerosis limited my capacity and mobility. I always knew that it's foolish to use art to try to be loved, and I just hoped I wasn't doing that, or justified it by distinguishing horizontal community from hierarchical creator-audience relationships. But honestly, the grief is telling me that I really did want to get a kind of love back after putting all that effort into my work, whether it was videogames or the bookshop or theatre. It was after all a labour of love, and now it feels like it was unrequited.
In contrast to that, I keep getting messages from people who want to hire me or work with me. I shouldn't believe the thoughts that say "nobody wants what I have to offer". It's just complicated because right now I don't have the capacity to do the things that they need me to do, including the emotional capacity to stay positive for long enough to have a productive discussion about a project.
I find myself longing for a way to sustain myself for the next year while archiving my last 15 years' work, exploring what it's like to take care of my body and mind properly, and maybe doing a bit of writing and crafting when I have the capacity. On the other side of all that, perhaps I would consider returning to a professional art practice, or maybe I'd develop a practice that's more research-focused like my mum keeps exhorting me to do.
-
Something that clicked for me at one point, and helped me out of my most recent depression several years ago, is when I broke away from trying to have a "good day". 1/3
-
I used to feel guilty on the days I couldn't point to anything I'd 'done.'
But some of my most important processing happened while I was staring out a window, or lying on the floor, or doing absolutely nothing visible. 1/2
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Autistic #Neurodiversity #BurnoutRecovery
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One of the things I figured out on my own self-discovery journey: not doing things that don't need to be done is one of the best uses of my time.
That sounds obvious. It wasn't obvious to me for a long time.
I spent years doing things out of obligation, habit, or fear of what it meant if I didn't stay busy. Turns out a lot of those things just... didn't need to happen.
#ActuallyAutistic #EnergyManagement #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #AutisticBurnout
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One of the things I figured out on my own self-discovery journey: not doing things that don't need to be done is one of the best uses of my time.
That sounds obvious. It wasn't obvious to me for a long time.
I spent years doing things out of obligation, habit, or fear of what it meant if I didn't stay busy. Turns out a lot of those things just... didn't need to happen.
#ActuallyAutistic #EnergyManagement #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #AutisticBurnout
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One of the things I figured out on my own self-discovery journey: not doing things that don't need to be done is one of the best uses of my time.
That sounds obvious. It wasn't obvious to me for a long time.
I spent years doing things out of obligation, habit, or fear of what it meant if I didn't stay busy. Turns out a lot of those things just... didn't need to happen.
#ActuallyAutistic #EnergyManagement #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #AutisticBurnout
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One of the things I figured out on my own self-discovery journey: not doing things that don't need to be done is one of the best uses of my time.
That sounds obvious. It wasn't obvious to me for a long time.
I spent years doing things out of obligation, habit, or fear of what it meant if I didn't stay busy. Turns out a lot of those things just... didn't need to happen.
#ActuallyAutistic #EnergyManagement #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #AutisticBurnout
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In burnout, your brain and nervous system are struggling to keep up with unreasonable demands, and have gone into a self-protection mode.
Try to honor that, and give yourself compassion.
1/2#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
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Getting out of burnout isn’t just getting some energy, getting a little motivation and then doing stuff the same way again. It’s doing things in a different way, so that you don’t go into burnout again.
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
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Many Autistics and many ADHDers need more rest for our nervous systems to be able to process the sensory information that we’re taking in, the social information we’re taking in, to be able to regulate, and to really actually feel rested.
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #BurnoutRecovery #Sensory #Energy
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CW: Chronic illness, pain, burnout
My partner is visiting from Canada, helping to manage my mental and physical health, and we're starting to discuss possible directions for my #burnoutrecovery in the coming months.
I'm considering taking a period of months, perhaps a year, to not release any new work. There's a backlog to publish for Intrapology, but other than that existing work I think I should stop making things to share publicly for a while. I need to find the joy of making things for myself again, and take a break from the pain of thinking about an audience (and the lack thereof). Maybe I'd share new WIPs privately on the Intrapology Patreon and/or Ghost site, but do nothing to promote them, so that I'm still connected to the handful of people who are interested.
This is somewhat hypothetical, as right now I'm still not able to work, due to the mental and physical fatigue and emotional anguish I experience after an hour of focused attention on anything of real consequence. I have to use that one hour a day on life admin, such as navigating health services and managing money - a tough feat when benefits don't actually cover living costs.
I really hope I can hold on to the goal of getting my physical and mental health and general quality of life to a good baseline first before returning to work. This seems like a difficult thing to pull off with the DWP, but I know that anything else will just create more problems later on. I don't want to work if I still can't walk around the park without pain and fatigue for days afterward. I want to work if and only if I have enough energy to do so the day after cooking a healthy meal from scratch. I don't want to sacrifice my body and mind in exchange for getting my financial needs halfway met and/or a sense of accomplishment. Health has to come first.
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CW: Mental health, depression
I really hope I don't think this forever, I hope that when I've recovered from this burnout / post COVID / possible MS relapse this internal refrain stops repeating, above all I hope I'm wrong, but... I think it was a mistake to shift to making more authentic art, because now I am left with the knowledge that I offered a part of myself to the world and, over and over again, the world said "no thanks". I learned that almost nobody wants what I want to give.
I've long suspected this, and I've had this thought many times ever since I first started working - there are so many things I want to do, and none of them are socially or economically valued.
I always come out of the thought spiral eventually and decide that it's worth trying again. No, not that it's worth it. I find the pain and irritation of ignoring my own volition intolerable, so if I'm going to keep on living, I have to find a way to do something I care about while meeting my survival needs. But in the end I'm always left with the pain of failure, rejection, and poverty.
For a couple of weeks, I felt I was improving. I was in a new relationship, and I felt valued and cared for. But then the person rapidly lost the capacity to care, or even consider me much at all - they experience avolition due to their own mental health condition, so once the NRE was gone they just didn't have much motivation left. They wanted me around, but they didn't want to do anything for or with me. I didn't understand at the time that it was their mental illness doing it, and eventually I snapped and stormed off. They told me it was over because they need someone more stable. I would have said the same thing, because I need someone who wants me. Especially right now, when my tolerance for rejection is wafer thin.
Throughout this experience, I'd been struggling with the contrast between their inactivity and my tendency to overwork. Just as I wish I could reduce their avolition, I started to wish that I could dial down my own volition, because it feels like a horrible burden that is ruining my life. Of course, there is a way to reduce your own ego and desire: it's somewhat central to Buddhism. But I find the use of mindfulness to diminish people's autonomy and willfulness quite offensive to my values, so it's hard to imagine doing that to myself on purpose.
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Autistic Burnout Recovery Is About Reducing Dissonance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2jv3iSInkU
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
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CW: Burnout, chronic illness
Entering my third month of #burnoutrecovery. Starting to leave survival mode and feel able to think about it intentionally to some extent. I still can't really imagine a positive future, but I can imagine gradually increasing my capacity to improve my circumstances.
One key priority is getting better at managing my #Multiplesclerosis. I want to get back on track with 3/5 of Dr Aaron Boster's 5 for 5 for MS: eating real food, exercising as part of my lifestyle, and daily mindfulness. I had to give up all three to have the energy to work, and that's not a good long-term strategy!
Once I'm able to cook, take walks, and meditate again, I hope to get back the ability to keep my flat clean and tidy, read books, practice music. I can't tell if wanting these things to be part of my life before I reintroduce significant amounts of work is realistic, but I can't manage without them for long either.
I think to be able to work, I need to physically have the energy to do these things so that my basic needs are in good shape and I'm supported to keep growing. I have to be psychologically able to cope with stress and rejection, and I have to rebuild my capacity for joy in my own work and also in others'.
Maybe at the end of this I won't do the same work in the same way. I don't know what kind of work I would be doing if I was prioritising my wellbeing, as I've spent a couple of years focusing on trying to get certain ideas out there before I lose the capacity for work altogether. I'm satisfied that I did something to get those ideas out, but I'm not satisfied that anybody is listening right now and I think the ego element of it is really dangerous for me right now. Perhaps I'll need to go back to making work that doesn't have so much of myself in it. I'm not sure, and I'm trying not to think about it too much at this stage.
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The Impact Of Internal Awareness On Your Energy Levels
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMpmCe_uv2I
#ActuallyAutistic #EnergyManagement #AuDHD #BurnoutRecovery #AutisticBurnout
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Notice even tiny moments when there's no panic attack, and stress is a tiny bit lower. Simply remind yourself in the slightly better moments that it is slightly better.
#ActuallyAutistic #Neurodiversity #BurnoutRecovery #Interoception
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CEOs: Feeling exhausted, cynical, or less effective? That's burnout—and 50% of you feel lonely at the top, hindering performance. What works? Specialized therapy & nervous system regulation.
Dive in: https://cerevity.com/why-71-of-ceos-report-burnout-and-what-actually-helps
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I can’t have summer all the time.
#SlowTravel
#ExpatLife
#WritingLife
#BurnoutRecovery
#InnerSeasons
#LifeAbroad