#suicidalideations — Public Fediverse posts

Very bad night. I really want to die. #majordepressivedisorder #bpd #Suicide #suicidalideations #fuckingtired

One drawback of having #OCPD and #BPD is that I tend to disengage quite abruptly. It takes VERY little for me tae be convinced that I am irrelevant... Because the monsters what own me scream intae my ears that I am. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrant #Dysthymia #suicidalideations

One drawback of having #OCPD and #BPD is that I tend to disengage quite abruptly. It takes VERY little for me tae be convinced that I am irrelevant... Because the monsters what own me scream intae my ears that I am. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrant #Dysthymia #suicidalideations

One drawback of having #OCPD and #BPD is that I tend to disengage quite abruptly. It takes VERY little for me tae be convinced that I am irrelevant... Because the monsters what own me scream intae my ears that I am. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrant #Dysthymia #suicidalideations

One drawback of having #OCPD and #BPD is that I tend to disengage quite abruptly. It takes VERY little for me tae be convinced that I am irrelevant... Because the monsters what own me scream intae my ears that I am. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrant #Dysthymia #suicidalideations

One drawback of having #OCPD and #BPD is that I tend to disengage quite abruptly. It takes VERY little for me tae be convinced that I am irrelevant... Because the monsters what own me scream intae my ears that I am. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrant #Dysthymia #suicidalideations

Depression makes you do complex maths. Like train speed based on distance between level crossings judged by the train horn. From this you can calculate approximate speed. Velocity of a 192 lb body traveling for 142' onto dead calm water on a moonless night on an outgoing tide. Aye, my brain is a real party. I'm just having a wee rant, I really donnae ken the solution other than a promise I made. #suicidalideations #majordepressivedisorderrecurrent #bpd #mybrainisverybroken

One month left until my one and a half years sober birthday!

{Thanks for the love, Facebook ✊️}

I recently started working at a job that I can finally have pride in and that I actually love and enjoy doing. I’m a Patient Care Tech at the Haven detox program at Crescent Hospital (basically a one week detox rehab). I got this shout out from this 19 year old guy that was a heroin addict like myself going through withdrawals who I had a long heart to heart with about giving up the drugs and not fucking up his precious life and being willing to fight for himself.

Feeling nostalgic. This past year and a half of recovery has been incredible. I dont think that I’ve ever experienced so many changes so fast. Decisions that were at first so fucking hard to make and scared the shit out of me. But thank God I did, because I don’t think that I would have made it out and stayed out of addiction if I went right back to what I knew and what was comfortable. Just because something is comfortable doesnt mean that it’s good for you.

Thank you to everyone who has loved me and supported me and motivated me to fight for and protect this new life that I have built for myself.

I honestly always thought that I was going to be a mentally ill and bat shit crazy fuck up for the rest of my life however long that may be. For most of my life, I couldn’t control my emotions- with borderline personality disorder they were just so fucking intense. I couldn’t handle it. I had no idea how to use healthy coping skills, so I started finding other ways to dull the chaos inside of me. That’s how I found heroin.

It may have came into my life from a shitty boyfriend, but I was all too eager to dance with the devil if it meant feeling better inside. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Just laying in bed or being out in public or just living your day to day life knowing how everything in your life is fine and you should be happy, but you literally cant; you just think too damn deeply, feel way too fucking much, get hurt too fucking easily, and you have these moments of extreme, primal anger where you see red and black out and lose yourself and you do and say these horrible things and get violent, destroying everything in your path, and it scares the shit out of people which causes you to be regretful and shameful and full of guilt which then leads to the bottomless pit of depression where you lay in bed for a week and can’t even manage thinking about dragging your exhausted body to the shower, so you just avoid it all together and the days and nights blend together and you just feel so empty and hallow inside like your body is about to implode on itself and you pray for it to just kill you and take you out of this constant torment once and for all.

Fast forward to a year later and I’m sober, they finally got my psych meds figured out, I got my dream job where all my pain and suffering and trauma can finally be used to help people like me after so long of never being able to hold down a job pretty much ever and being known as a junkie thief, to now, being known to be someone who is reliable, responsible, and trustworthy. And I’m finally happy. I found the peace and serenity that I had searched for in drugs for my entire life. I now see every day as a gift and do what I can to make the most of it instead of waste it away getting wasted. And every day I wake up and continue to fight for myself.

Just a story about how a girl from an upper middle class family with loving, attentive parents turned into a IV heroin using felon, yet somehow found her way back after learning many lessons the only way she knew how, the hard way.

Rate this:

#abandonmentIssues #addiction #anxiety #blessed #blog #blogPost #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #Chronicpain #death #Depression #dying #existentialism #grateful #heroin #inspirational #lateNightThoughts #mdd #mentalIllness #Mentalillness #motivation #motivational #na #Ptsd #rapeSurvivor #scars #selfcare #snapped #sober #sobriety #suicidalIdeations #suicide

One month left until my one and a half years sober birthday!

{Thanks for the love, Facebook ✊️}

I recently started working at a job that I can finally have pride in and that I actually love and enjoy doing. I’m a Patient Care Tech at the Haven detox program at Crescent Hospital (basically a one week detox rehab). I got this shout out from this 19 year old guy that was a heroin addict like myself going through withdrawals who I had a long heart to heart with about giving up the drugs and not fucking up his precious life and being willing to fight for himself.

Feeling nostalgic. This past year and a half of recovery has been incredible. I dont think that I’ve ever experienced so many changes so fast. Decisions that were at first so fucking hard to make and scared the shit out of me. But thank God I did, because I don’t think that I would have made it out and stayed out of addiction if I went right back to what I knew and what was comfortable. Just because something is comfortable doesnt mean that it’s good for you.

Thank you to everyone who has loved me and supported me and motivated me to fight for and protect this new life that I have built for myself.

I honestly always thought that I was going to be a mentally ill and bat shit crazy fuck up for the rest of my life however long that may be. For most of my life, I couldn’t control my emotions- with borderline personality disorder they were just so fucking intense. I couldn’t handle it. I had no idea how to use healthy coping skills, so I started finding other ways to dull the chaos inside of me. That’s how I found heroin.

It may have came into my life from a shitty boyfriend, but I was all too eager to dance with the devil if it meant feeling better inside. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Just laying in bed or being out in public or just living your day to day life knowing how everything in your life is fine and you should be happy, but you literally cant; you just think too damn deeply, feel way too fucking much, get hurt too fucking easily, and you have these moments of extreme, primal anger where you see red and black out and lose yourself and you do and say these horrible things and get violent, destroying everything in your path, and it scares the shit out of people which causes you to be regretful and shameful and full of guilt which then leads to the bottomless pit of depression where you lay in bed for a week and can’t even manage thinking about dragging your exhausted body to the shower, so you just avoid it all together and the days and nights blend together and you just feel so empty and hallow inside like your body is about to implode on itself and you pray for it to just kill you and take you out of this constant torment once and for all.

Fast forward to a year later and I’m sober, they finally got my psych meds figured out, I got my dream job where all my pain and suffering and trauma can finally be used to help people like me after so long of never being able to hold down a job pretty much ever and being known as a junkie thief, to now, being known to be someone who is reliable, responsible, and trustworthy. And I’m finally happy. I found the peace and serenity that I had searched for in drugs for my entire life. I now see every day as a gift and do what I can to make the most of it instead of waste it away getting wasted. And every day I wake up and continue to fight for myself.

Just a story about how a girl from an upper middle class family with loving, attentive parents turned into a IV heroin using felon, yet somehow found her way back after learning many lessons the only way she knew how, the hard way.

Rate this:

#abandonmentIssues #addiction #anxiety #blessed #blog #blogPost #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #Chronicpain #death #Depression #dying #existentialism #grateful #heroin #inspirational #lateNightThoughts #mdd #mentalIllness #Mentalillness #motivation #motivational #na #Ptsd #rapeSurvivor #scars #selfcare #snapped #sober #sobriety #suicidalIdeations #suicide

So under normal circumstances this wud be a #Sicide night. I cannae dae that because of a promise I made, so in spite I destroyed something good that cud possibly happen tae me. I f**king hate this but it improves the odds of me being right. I donnae ken whae I am posting this, none of ye fucking ken me. I really dae hate bein meh. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SuicidalIdeations

The Girl Who Mistook Me For A Pile Of Bricks

I wanted to give her everything, but she backstabbed me.

I’ve mentioned it before. The queer world is rather small. You should be nice to the people you run into, even when breaking up with them. If you do not, you may get a cold reception the next time you run into them. I wanted to give everything to the girl I’m going to talk about, but she bit the hand that fed her. If she ran into me now, she’d get a frigid reception.

#AutisticWriters #Dating #love #MentalHealth #pansexuality #polyamory #queer #relationships #sex #SubstanceAbuse #SuicidalIdeations #YourAutisticLife

https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/01/31/the-girl-who-mistook-me-for-a-pile-of-bricks/

Funny thing aboot #drowning is the last thing ye think afore unconsciousness is "shit, ahm drowning!" Ahm speaking frae experience btw. #death #Suicidal #SuicidalIdeations #Depression #DeathEnvy

Funny thing aboot #drowning is the last thing ye think afore unconsciousness is "shit, ahm drowning!" Ahm speaking frae experience btw. #death #Suicidal #SuicidalIdeations #Depression #DeathEnvy

Funny thing aboot #drowning is the last thing ye think afore unconsciousness is "shit, ahm drowning!" Ahm speaking frae experience btw. #death #Suicidal #SuicidalIdeations #Depression #DeathEnvy

Funny thing aboot #drowning is the last thing ye think afore unconsciousness is "shit, ahm drowning!" Ahm speaking frae experience btw. #death #Suicidal #SuicidalIdeations #Depression #DeathEnvy

Funny thing aboot #drowning is the last thing ye think afore unconsciousness is "shit, ahm drowning!" Ahm speaking frae experience btw. #death #Suicidal #SuicidalIdeations #Depression #DeathEnvy

Aye. Art by Shawn Coss #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dysthymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #SelfLoathing #SelfPunishment

Aye. Art by Shawn Coss #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dysthymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #SelfLoathing #SelfPunishment

Aye. Art by Shawn Coss #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dysthymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #SelfLoathing #SelfPunishment

Aye. Art by Shawn Coss #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dysthymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #SelfLoathing #SelfPunishment

Aye. Art by Shawn Coss #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dysthymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #SelfLoathing #SelfPunishment

Taedae was a "bridge day". Some o' ye ken what that means.. #SuicidalIdeations #SelfLoathing #Dysthymia #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria

Well I've discontinued my mental health care. Sacked both my therapist (#7) and my psychiatrist (#2). Let the fun begin! #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dysthymia #PTSD #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #SelfLoathing

Ah will suffer alongside ye but ye must NEVER count on meh. Ah nae really know how much longer mah monsters will let meh live. Art by Shawn Coss #MentalHealthAwareness #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Suicidalideations #Dysthymia #OCPD #SelfLoathing

I just go awa quietly. Trust meh when I say that ye'll get o'er it quicker than ye think...minutes later. #ImVeryBroken #Dysthymia #SuicidalIdeations

I am friendly fur the most part but please keep yer distance. I wilnae hurt ye, but ah fair certain ye wilnae like wut I dae tae mahsel. #SelfLoathing #MDD #DeathEnvy #SuicidalIdeations

I am friendly fur the most part but please keep yer distance. I wilnae hurt ye, but ah fair certain ye wilnae like wut I dae tae mahsel. #SelfLoathing #MDD #DeathEnvy #SuicidalIdeations

I am friendly fur the most part but please keep yer distance. I wilnae hurt ye, but ah fair certain ye wilnae like wut I dae tae mahsel. #SelfLoathing #MDD #DeathEnvy #SuicidalIdeations

I am friendly fur the most part but please keep yer distance. I wilnae hurt ye, but ah fair certain ye wilnae like wut I dae tae mahsel. #SelfLoathing #MDD #DeathEnvy #SuicidalIdeations

I am friendly fur the most part but please keep yer distance. I wilnae hurt ye, but ah fair certain ye wilnae like wut I dae tae mahsel. #SelfLoathing #MDD #DeathEnvy #SuicidalIdeations

@louche_librarian I suffer frae several mental illnesses. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent and #SuicidalIdeations for over 40 year. Add #Dysthemia #OCPD #PTSD and severe #SelfLoathing (Everything is well diagnosed). There are many times that I get this way...I hae nae control over it. My Psychotherapist and Psychiatrist hae me on both a treatment plan and safety plan. 3 attempts, one VERY close tae success (damnit), and ahv lost count of the times ahv been detained fur it lol.

@louche_librarian I suffer frae several mental illnesses. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent and #SuicidalIdeations for over 40 year. Add #Dysthemia #OCPD #PTSD and severe #SelfLoathing (Everything is well diagnosed). There are many times that I get this way...I hae nae control over it. My Psychotherapist and Psychiatrist hae me on both a treatment plan and safety plan. 3 attempts, one VERY close tae success (damnit), and ahv lost count of the times ahv been detained fur it lol.

@louche_librarian I suffer frae several mental illnesses. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent and #SuicidalIdeations for over 40 year. Add #Dysthemia #OCPD #PTSD and severe #SelfLoathing (Everything is well diagnosed). There are many times that I get this way...I hae nae control over it. My Psychotherapist and Psychiatrist hae me on both a treatment plan and safety plan. 3 attempts, one VERY close tae success (damnit), and ahv lost count of the times ahv been detained fur it lol.

@louche_librarian I suffer frae several mental illnesses. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent and #SuicidalIdeations for over 40 year. Add #Dysthemia #OCPD #PTSD and severe #SelfLoathing (Everything is well diagnosed). There are many times that I get this way...I hae nae control over it. My Psychotherapist and Psychiatrist hae me on both a treatment plan and safety plan. 3 attempts, one VERY close tae success (damnit), and ahv lost count of the times ahv been detained fur it lol.

@louche_librarian I suffer frae several mental illnesses. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent and #SuicidalIdeations for over 40 year. Add #Dysthemia #OCPD #PTSD and severe #SelfLoathing (Everything is well diagnosed). There are many times that I get this way...I hae nae control over it. My Psychotherapist and Psychiatrist hae me on both a treatment plan and safety plan. 3 attempts, one VERY close tae success (damnit), and ahv lost count of the times ahv been detained fur it lol.

I've never known #joy or lasting #happiness. What passes for that in my brain is distraction, amusement, and at best a lack of impact...neutral. Before you call me #emo or dramatic, I hae a very broke brain and suffer several mental illnesses. Anyone else oot there like me? I fucking hope nae. #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dysthymia, #PTSD, #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations, #SevereSelfLoathig. #IAmVeryBroken #YouCanNotHelp

I think I finally got it thru mah #Psychiatrist heid that my #SuicidalIDeations and extreme #SelfHatred innae gaen anywhere, hence untreatable. I want tae attempt tae enjoy life whatever that means, but I will always want suicide as an option. I think she finally gets it. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent, #Dysthymia #OCPD #PTSD #Neurodivergent #IAmVeryBroken #YouShouldReallyRun

I think I finally got it thru mah #Psychiatrist heid that my #SuicidalIDeations and extreme #SelfHatred innae gaen anywhere, hence untreatable. I want tae attempt tae enjoy life whatever that means, but I will always want suicide as an option. I think she finally gets it. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent, #Dysthymia #OCPD #PTSD #Neurodivergent #IAmVeryBroken #YouShouldReallyRun

I think I finally got it thru mah #Psychiatrist heid that my #SuicidalIDeations and extreme #SelfHatred innae gaen anywhere, hence untreatable. I want tae attempt tae enjoy life whatever that means, but I will always want suicide as an option. I think she finally gets it. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent, #Dysthymia #OCPD #PTSD #Neurodivergent #IAmVeryBroken #YouShouldReallyRun

I think I finally got it thru mah #Psychiatrist heid that my #SuicidalIDeations and extreme #SelfHatred innae gaen anywhere, hence untreatable. I want tae attempt tae enjoy life whatever that means, but I will always want suicide as an option. I think she finally gets it. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent, #Dysthymia #OCPD #PTSD #Neurodivergent #IAmVeryBroken #YouShouldReallyRun

I think I finally got it thru mah #Psychiatrist heid that my #SuicidalIDeations and extreme #SelfHatred innae gaen anywhere, hence untreatable. I want tae attempt tae enjoy life whatever that means, but I will always want suicide as an option. I think she finally gets it. #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent, #Dysthymia #OCPD #PTSD #Neurodivergent #IAmVeryBroken #YouShouldReallyRun

FUCK...Ah miss Layne Staley so much. Ah miss Mike Starr, Chris Cornell, and Kurt Cobain. When the tide, hour, and moon is right, ahl come a'lookin fur ye. All artwork by Shawn Coss #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dyshymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #IAmVeryBroken #LetMeGo

FUCK...Ah miss Layne Staley so much. Ah miss Mike Starr, Chris Cornell, and Kurt Cobain. When the tide, hour, and moon is right, ahl come a'lookin fur ye. All artwork by Shawn Coss #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dyshymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #IAmVeryBroken #LetMeGo

FUCK...Ah miss Layne Staley so much. Ah miss Mike Starr, Chris Cornell, and Kurt Cobain. When the tide, hour, and moon is right, ahl come a'lookin fur ye. All artwork by Shawn Coss #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dyshymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #IAmVeryBroken #LetMeGo

FUCK...Ah miss Layne Staley so much. Ah miss Mike Starr, Chris Cornell, and Kurt Cobain. When the tide, hour, and moon is right, ahl come a'lookin fur ye. All artwork by Shawn Coss #MajorDepressiveDisorderRecurrent #Dyshymia #OCPD #SuicidalIdeations #IAmVeryBroken #LetMeGo