#borderlinepersonalitydisorder — Public Fediverse posts

Paper Girls Burn by Pippa Scott

A raw, affecting memoir about striving for acceptance with borderline personality disorder
The post Paper Girls Burn by Pippa Scott appeared first on Independent Book Review.
https://independentbookreview.com/2026/10/05/paper-girls-burn-by-pippa-scott/

#bookreview #bookblog #BorderlinePErsonalityDisorder #CaitlinPress #indieauthor

ORYZON Receives European Medicines Agency Approval to Initiate the HOPE-2 Phase II Study of Vafidemstat for the Treatment of Phelan-McDermid Syndrome (PMS)

Oryzon Genomics, S.A. PMS…
#Europe #EU #aggression #autism #biopharmaceuticalcompany #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #European #EuropeanInterest #EuropeanMedicinesAgency #EuropeanUnion #geneticdisorder #neurodevelopmentaldisorder #PhaseIIstudy #Phelan-McDermidSyndrome #SyndromeAssociation #vafidemstat
https://www.europesays.com/europe/148076/

Kehlani reveals how she manages Bipolar Disorder and BPD: “Its not an option” |

Kehlani has always been open about the messier parts of life, and this week she reminded everyone why…
#NewsBeep #News #US #USA #UnitedStates #UnitedStatesOfAmerica #Mentalhealth #bipolardisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Health #Kehlanimentalhealth #Mentalhealthawareness #MentalHealth #musicindustrymentalhealth
https://www.newsbeep.com/us/824499/

Kehlani reveals how she manages Bipolar Disorder and BPD: “Its not an option” |

Kehlani has always been open about the messier parts of life, and this week she reminded everyone why…
#NewsBeep #News #Mentalhealth #AU #Australia #bipolardisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Health #Kehlanimentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #MentalHealth #musicindustrymentalhealth
https://www.newsbeep.com/au/866981/

https://www.europesays.com/ie/654076/ Kehlani reveals how she manages Bipolar Disorder and BPD: “Its not an option” | #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Éire #Health #IE #Ireland #KehlaniMentalHealth #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth #MusicIndustryMentalHealth

Kehlani reveals how she manages Bipolar Disorder and BPD: “Its not an option” |

Kehlani has always been open about the messier parts of life, and this week she reminded everyone why…
#NewsBeep #News #Mentalhealth #bipolardisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #CA #Canada #Health #Kehlanimentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #MentalHealth #musicindustrymentalhealth
https://www.newsbeep.com/ca/869833/

Let your Passions burn and bloom 🔥

What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?

If it doesn’t set your soul on fire its not worth the burn. 🔥

someone i know told me that everybody they know who've been diagnosed with bpd is afab, and that the diagnosis was effectively a misogynistic attempt to dismiss their experiences

have folks on fedi had similar experiences?

#BPD #misogyny #borderlinePersonalityDisorder

Huge study finds first genetic clues for borderline personality disorder

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-026-02220-1

> Largest genetic analysis of the condition so far finds 11 linked locations in the human genome.

#science #borderlinePersonalityDisorder #health #mentalHealth

Just a Rant on Depression~

F*ck man I’m telling you; depression is Such a stone cold bitch.
I’ll be watching TV and all of the sudden I get this dark yet soft,, malicious voice that starts whispering  these horrible things.
It takes my biggest insecurities and fears and exploits them…
One of the worst symptoms for me is just this dark, hopeless physically heavy ,;feeling that makes you not  want to get out of bed…Gravity feels like its 3x stronger…  you feel so empty that you want tnt to cur yourself…

.THAT is what kills me. Destroys you from the inside out
I normally don’t have this that bad when I’m on a good, consistent regimen  of medications as well as having a good support system. …
You can’t do it alone.
Only issue is that A) starting a new psych med is like being a lab rat. You never know what you’re gonna get. B) like everything in life, you gain a tolerance  and you have to start a whole new medication …
I knew that I needed to get help when I literally couldn’t out of bed without cutting myself.
I carved “DIE” into my thigh.
THAT IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR

So my primary doctor  started me off with Lexapro when I was 18 I think and it changed my life.
After a week or so, that heavy boulder that has been sitting on my chest just went away.
I felt 100x lighter  and the voices stopped being so loud and my panic attacks (that I have been plagued with stopped too!
It was like my “happy” switch was finally turned on
And I’ve stayed on at least 2 psych meds ever since then.

Not trying to push medication, but there absolutely are people who genuinely need them who can’t get better on their own and are close to su!cide.
THEN there’s all the other people who abuse the system and are just trying to “be edgy”.
I do NOT advocate for medication for just anybody/everybody.  Only those who genuinely can’t get out of bed even if there was a damn fire because of depression.
If your house goes from clean and adorable to a big mess because your mind keeps giving you ideas on suic!de.
If you’re chemically unbalanced  mind ever ruins events that are supposed to be fun..
You might have Major Depressive Disorder.

But Everybody is different and heals in there own way.
I DO however recommend/advocate  for therapy. Think everyone should see a therapist at least once a week.
It is just SO freeing- and  helps keep your mind  straigh.

But anyways I’m probably just talking to myself  I doubt anyone reads this

But you know what? FUCK that shit.
My writings at least  help me.
If you are reading this, 
Please don’t ever stop fighting!
And please never lose your soul…
It’s  hard af to get back. ❤️‍啕
Remember that as long as there’s still air in your lungs,  you still have time to change.

❣️

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https://www.europesays.com/ie/507169/ ‘Summer House’ Star KJ Dillard Opens Up About Borderline Personality Disorder and Self-Harm Hospitalization | #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Éire #Health #IE #Ireland #KJDillard #MentalHealth #MentalHealth #SelfHarm #SummerHouse

KJ Dillard Opens Up About Hospitalization and BPD Diagnosis at Summer House Reunion

In an emotional moment during the Summer House Season 10 reunion, KJ Dillard opened up about what ultimately…
#NewsBeep #News #Mentalhealth #AndyCohen #AU #Australia #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Ciara #Health #KJ #KJDillard #mentalhealthawareness #MentalHealth
https://www.newsbeep.com/au/698491/

https://www.europesays.com/ie/505582/ KJ Dillard Opens Up About Hospitalization and BPD Diagnosis at Summer House Reunion #AndyCohen #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Ciara #Éire #Health #IE #Ireland #KJ #KJDillard #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth

She ‘Fought For a Long Time With Extreme Mental Health’

Martin Short has spoken out following the death of his daughter, Katherine Short, who died in February. She…
#NewsBeep #News #US #USA #UnitedStates #UnitedStatesOfAmerica #Celebrities #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #CBSSundayMorning #Entertainment #KatherineShort #MartinShort #Mentalhealth #NancyDolman
https://www.newsbeep.com/us/635350/

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

If you have stereotypes, expectations, or assumptions about what that means, then maybe this is a chance to reconsider or change them. If you think of me as a friend, as caring or supportive, as interesting or fun, or as a community member you like, then maybe think about how just because someone has a personality disorder doesn’t mean they can’t be these things.

There’s A LOT of stigma around BPD. Many people use it as a synonym for “abusive,” which is not only wrong, but makes it pretty damn hard for people with the disorder to get mental healthcare that can help. The vast majority of people with BPD are survivors of trauma and it often is comorbid with cPTSD, disorganized attachment history, and codependency. The difference for it versus those other things that research suggests is a genetic component where our nervous systems are hypersensitive to certain kinds of things, leading to developing the disorder when exposed to trauma and intense stress.

There are also useful skills, therapies, and interventions that can help you or your loved ones with BPD. It’s still hard, but I know it’s improved my life to finally work on it and make progress on my mental health. Can it be overwhelming and hard when someone with BPD is in crisis? Of course, especially if they haven’t gotten the right kinds of help and support. But so is everyone who is in crisis. As someone who has helped people with just about every disorder and people with no diagnosable disorders when they are in a mental health crisis, it is challenging to help folks when the shit hits the fan and you have to adapt your strategies to the person and what will help them.

People with BPD are not uniquely terrible or bad or evil or abusive, and I choose to be out about having it so we can begin to challenge the stigma around this.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #EndMentalHealthStigma #EndStigma

Kehlani talks about the clarity she gained after BPD diagnosis: ‘Being transparent helped me heal’ |

Famed singer Kehlani has been open about her struggles with mental health and how she has been navigating…
#NewsBeep #News #Mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #CA #Canada #celebritymentalhealth #Health #Kehlani #mentalhealthawareness #MentalHealth #musicandtherapy
https://www.newsbeep.com/ca/624536/

https://www.europesays.com/uk/914297/ Kehlani talks about the clarity she gained after BPD diagnosis: ‘Being transparent helped me heal’ | #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CelebrityMentalHealth #Health #Kehlani #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #MusicAndTherapy #UK #UnitedKingdom

https://www.europesays.com/ie/450700/ Kehlani talks about the clarity she gained after BPD diagnosis: ‘Being transparent helped me heal’ | #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CelebrityMentalHealth #Éire #Health #IE #Ireland #Kehlani #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth #MusicAndTherapy

..that's the position i have been in over my lifetime, & developed #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder which is in the same #ClusterBpds as #NPD & #ASPD which are likely his diagnosis.

BPD is correlated to NPD & ASPD which is caused by toxic relationship dynamics between ppl. it runs in families. in frumps case his father fred caused it with his mum as enabler.

when systemic #capitalism & #hierarchy are fundamentally driving narcissistic traits, over generations it snowballs into these..

the orange clown is a psychopath & #mrrobbie proves it, step-by-step.

#GifsArtidote: instead of blaming him for being #MentallyIll i would argue by this stage we all are. don't forget we, the people, made him take the most powerful position, & the rest of us don't intervene to section him.
we have & are enabling him, & by doing so we inflict harm on our selves.
that's the position i have been in over my lifetime, & developed #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder which is in the same #ClusterBpds as #NPD & #ASPD which are likely his diagnosis.

BPD is correlated to NPD & ASPD which is caused by toxic relationship dynamics between ppl. it runs in families. in frumps case his father fred caused it with his mum as enabler.

when systemic #capitalism & #hierarchy are fundamentally driving narcissistic traits, over generations it snowballs into these personality disorders, that can't be treated.
the only way to stop this spreading through the population is by #ChangeTheWorldStartWithYourSelf

https://youtu.be/z42c4C-9vP4?

#MENtalhealth #SelfReflection #press #IndependentMedia #analysis

Noelia Castillo Ramos: 25-year-old woman ends life via Euthanasia after mental health issues, paralysis and court battle with family: “I just want to leave in peace”

How much pain is a person expected to tolerate before the…
#NewsBeep #News #Mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #CA #Canada #chronicpain #euthanasia #Health #legalbattle #mentalhealthissues #MentalHealth #NoeliaCastilloRamos #paralysis #righttodie #Spaineuthanasialaws #voluntaryeuthanasia
https://www.newsbeep.com/ca/567379/

Noelia Castillo Ramos: 25-year-old woman ends life via Euthanasia after mental health issues, paralysis and court battle with family: “I just want to leave in peace”

How much pain is a person expected to tolerate before …
#NewsBeep #News #Mentalhealth #AU #Australia #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Chronicpain #euthanasia #Health #legalbattle #mentalhealthissues #MentalHealth #NoeliaCastilloRamos #paralysis #righttodie #Spaineuthanasialaws #voluntaryeuthanasia
https://www.newsbeep.com/au/570710/

https://www.europesays.com/ie/409031/ Noelia Castillo Ramos: 25-year-old woman ends life via Euthanasia after mental health issues, paralysis and court battle with family: “I just want to leave in peace” #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ChronicPain #Éire #Euthanasia #Health #IE #Ireland #LegalBattle #MentalHealth #MentalHealthIssues #MentalHealth #NoeliaCastilloRamos #Paralysis #RightToDie #SpainEuthanasiaLaws #VoluntaryEuthanasia

https://www.europesays.com/uk/856750/ Noelia Castillo Ramos: 25-year-old woman ends life via Euthanasia after mental health issues, paralysis and court battle with family: “I just want to leave in peace” #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ChronicPain #euthanasia #Health #LegalBattle #MentalHealth #MentalHealthIssues #NoeliaCastilloRamos #paralysis #RightToDie #SpainEuthanasiaLaws #UK #UnitedKingdom #VoluntaryEuthanasia

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealthMemes #AnxiousAttachment #AbandonmentIssues #TheOfficeMemes #Neurodivergent #MentalHealthAwareness #Relationships #Overthinking

jealousy so bad i sit and do nothing abt it bcuz ik if i try to itll spiral into me losing all of my friends in a fit of rage

#jirai #jiraidon #landmine #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) involves intense emotions, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, and a fragile sense of self. People with BPD feel emotions deeply and may struggle to manage them, causing real distress. It’s not attention-seeking but needs understanding. With DBT and support, many learn coping skills, improve relationships, and build stable lives. Awareness reduces stigma.
#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #Psychology

Borderline bei Männern, bzw. männlich gelesenen Personen

Immer noch ist die Vorstellung verbreitet, Borderline betreffe ausschließlich (junge) Frauen und mit 25 sei dann, ich spitze etwas zu, eh alles ausgeheilt und gut.

Das geht an der Wirklichkeit vorbei: Borderline kann Menschen über Jahrzehnte begleiten, aber vor allem, Boderline kann auch Männer, bzw. männlich gelesene Personen über Jahrzehnte prägen.

Mein 'kleiner', mittlerweile aber auch schon Ende 40, Bruder macht da Aufklärungsarbeit, ich finde ihn unfassbar mutig. Zugleich ist da Scham, ihm in Kindheitstagen nicht geholfen, nicht auf ihn aufgepasst zu haben, ihm kein guter 'großer Bruder' gewesen zu sein.

Die Süddeutsche Zeitung hat meinen Bruder gestern auf Seite 3 portraitiert.

CN: Gewalt, Kindesmissbrauch, psychische Gewalt

https://archive.is/eNWUE

#borderline #mittwoch #Deutschland #schweiz #osterreich #psyche #gewalt #psychischegesundheit #PsychischeErkrankungen #psychische_Krankheiten #psychischeGewalt #kind #kindesmissbrauch #kindesmisshandlung #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Borderlinestörung #Borderliner #GewaltgegenKinder #manner #mann #kindeswohl #sz #suddeutschezeitung

i spent my evening turning what started out as a journaling exercise into a retrospective about my healing journey with borderline personality disorder, now that i am in post-recovery

i still have my hard days, but things are so much better than they used to be

it's not a light read, but i hope it can help someone out there

https://eriis.gay/share/Erika's%20Journey%20with%20BPD.pdf

replies and boosts are welcome

#mentalhealth #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Longboarding by the river and thinking about all the plans that never turned out the way I hoped. The water moves slow and my wheels keep turning while I try to find momentum in the middle of quiet disappointments. If you feel that weight too I’d love to hear how you keep moving forward. #longboarding #strava #colorado #gorpcore #agoraphobia #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #complexptsd #afi #thegreatdissappointment #stvraingreenway #lobotrail #eringolightly #foodnotbombs

I experienced one of the freakiest and most painful parts of healing my #mentalhealth that I ever have, but now I feel better.

I have suspected for a while I had been traumatized so heavily by being #homeless that I was experiencing #borderlinepersonalitydisorder of a type where I had two entirely different sides-

A fighter who acted boldly in order to protect myself, and someone vulnerable but anxious when I felt safe.

My personality fused back together and it f**king hurt.

#writing #cptsd

They say the loudest cries for help are often the ones you can’t hear. Not every person in emotional pain shows it outwardly, and not every mental health condition looks chaotic. Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of those hidden struggles.
https://retroworldnews.com/understanding-quiet-borderline-personality-disorder/

#QuietBPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealthAwareness #EmotionalHealth #UnderstandingBPD #MentalHealthMatters #BPDRecovery #MentalWellness #TherapyJourney #SelfAwareness #MentalHealthSupport #BPDCommunity

Mentalization and Empathy: The Brain's Social Superhighways Explained

#BrainNeuroscience #EmotionalRegulation #SocialCognition #MentalHealth #NeuroscienceExplained #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Empathy #BrainNetworks #SelfReflection #MentalHealthAwareness

https://youtube.com/shorts/9s5CVYUOOlA?feature=share

I was looking for mental health screening tests that did not require collecting personal data.

Yesterday I found @divested has developed Kairoscope, website with dozens of questionnaires that run solely on your browser, zero data sent to anywhere else.

https://kairoscope.org/

Support Tavi's work here:
https://divested.dev/pages/donate

#ADHD #alexithymia #autism #BipolarAffectiveDisorder #anxiety #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #depression #dissociation #eatingdisorders #fatigue #ocd #schizophrenia

I have a loved one with BPD. I just read this on Quora and it was so insightful! Wanted to share:

#borderline
#borderlinepersonalitydisorder
#neurodivergent
#relationships
#humans
#psychology

Q: "Why are BPD people so upset with their partners all the time?"

Answer by Brodie Abbott:

First, I want to start by saying that I've been diagnosed with BPD, and personally, I've never had a partner (or friend or other interpersonal relationship) where I was ALWAYS upset with the other person. In fact, the vast majority of the time I don't feel upset with other people at all - I feel upset with myself or something that's happened to me during my day. For me, splitting doesn't seem to occur in the context of my feelings toward another person but how I think THEY feel about ME. That is, I don't really go between feeling like I love someone and then hate them, but I do go between feeling like other people care about me A LOT and then feeling like they don't care about me AT ALL, generally based on how I'm feeling with myself at the time.
But there are definitely times where I've been upset with others, and there are times where I've looked back on some of those moments and put myself in the other person's shoes and can see, in hindsight, how they would think my upset came out of nowhere. But from my side of things, the upset didn't come from nowhere and it seemed logical and obvious why I was upset. So I'll speak from that standpoint to hopefully give some insight.
People with BPD often have an issue where they see negativity where it may not truly exist. Neutral facial expressions, for example, tend to be read as anger or disappointment or aggression by people with BPD. Brain scans have shown that people with BPD have a hyper-alert hippocampus, which is part of the brain that’s partly responsible for signalling when there's danger. So when a minor, possibly innocuous act happens that someone without BPD wouldn't even register, the person with BPD has a brain that starts sending out signals that they are in immediate danger and it activates their fight or flight response. As a general example: a partner says they'll be home at 8:00, but they get held up at work and forget to let the person with BPD know. When the partner doesn't show up at 8 on the dot, the person with BPD feels this means they'll never come home ever again. Now, people with BPD also have a compromised prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain responsible for things like rationalization, behaviour control, and other higher cognitive functions. Someone without BPD and with a fully functional prefrontal cortex likely won't spiral out when they're spouse doesn't come home on time. They probably don't even have to talk themselves down at all because their prefrontal cortex takes care of all that automatically. So their brain kind of goes, “Are they leaving me? No, they haven't given any reason to suggest they would. Probably held up in traffic,” and then maybe if they’re significantly late, they’ll start to worry but again, they're likely to worry more about whether an accident or something happened because they have no real reason to assume they're being abandoned, and so they'll just try to call or text or something with a simple, “hey, you're a little late, just checking if you're okay” (which is now how I'd handle the situation after lots of therapy but it definitely wasn't my natural instinct). For the person with BPD, they are constantly worried about abandonment and their prefrontal cortex doesn't activate to tell them to rationalize and looks at facts and not panic and act desperate. Their brain goes, “Oh god, I'm being abandoned. I'm such an awful, terrible, waste of space, and now my partner has realized it and of course they're leaving me. Everyone hates me, I hate myself,” and then they're going to react probably either by sending a slew of desperate, self-loathing, grovelling texts or a bunch of angry texts because their brain has told them to either fight or fawn as a self-protective measure. All of that to say that part of it is that the person with BPD is misinterpreting the meaning of your actions, actions you may not even realize you're doing because they seem insignificant, and they’re feeling hurt and betrayed and defensive. A lot of people with BPD have poor object constancy, so when they perceive you as having hurt them, their brain goes through a sort of dissociative amnesia where it blocks out any memories of anything other than times you hurt them. Another thing to note is recent research has found people with BPD extremely accurate in recognizing emotions in other people, and sometimes will even know what someone is feeling BEFORE the person themselves realize it. So, perhaps, some part of it is the BPD person recognizing a negative emotion (annoyance, resentment, anger, etc.) in their partner and reacting to it without their partner even realizing they were starting to feel that emotion. Some people with BPD might act upset with others as a sort of “test” to see if the person will abandon them (which, naturally, will end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy). Some people with BPD just experience constant anger.
I know this is a difficult concept for people because when someone gets upset with you, it's only natural to take it personally. But realistically, when someone with BPD gets upset with others, it generally isn't about that person. They're often upset with themselves or angry at someone from their past that abused them or at the world in general, and they're projecting it onto others.
As a final note, I want to say that I by no means intend any of this to excuse poor behaviour. It's intended as an explanation for the behaviour and to hopefully provide insight. That said, I do think people need to stop viewing all people with BPD as the same. Based on the diagnostic criteria, there are 256 combinations of symptoms that someone can have to get the diagnosis, and there are four widely accepted subtypes of BPD. Personality disorders, in general, are also diagnosed on a spectrum. Furthermore, even two people who share the same exact symptoms can be markedly different in their overall demeanor.

#Perfectionism in #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfectionism/202504/perfectionism-in-borderline-personality-disorder
#mentalhealth

🆔 Title: More Stress (Cont. Less Stress?)
🖋️ Author: RachelTheFictionkin (Me)
🌐 Context: yiffy.pet

🏷️ Tags: #neurodivergent #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #schizotypal #socialanxiety #schizotypalpersonalitydisorder #borderline #autism #autismspectrumdisorder #mentalhealth #neurodivergence #therapy #mentalwellness #trauma #traumatic #ptsd #vent #rant

🆔 Title: More Stress
🖋️ Author: RachelTheFictionkin (Me)

Social Services have sent a letter stating that they need to see me for a second opinion, as if my doctor's statement that I cannot work wasn't sufficient, and they need to verify for themselves that I'm unable to work. They even included an all-day bus pass in the letter...

I'm not comfortable riding the bus because I struggle to be around people, as should have been made clear from my mental diagnoses. I get extremely anxious and pissy when I'm next to people, and I sometimes act out by moving away, have a scowl on my face while my mind races with traumatic thoughts causing panic and overwhelming stress upon me, which shows.

I'm just a bit frustrated right now because I dislike it when people don't take my issues seriously and think I can just get over it or that it's not a big deal.

The individuals who sent the letter are different from those who initially approved my benefits.

🏷️ Tags: #neurodivergent #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #schizotypal #socialanxiety #schizotypalpersonalitydisorder #borderline #autism #autismspectrumdisorder #mentalhealth #neurodivergence #therapy #mentalwellness #trauma #traumatic #ptsd #vent #rant

~☆*Happy 18 months clean to me!*☆~ ❤️‍🩹✨️

I decided to post this a little early just because it’s weighing heavy on my mind and heart. And shit I’m only one day off lol anyways I’m just so fucking excited to pick up my 18 month chip tomorrow. I’ve worked SO fucking hard for this shit man… this is going to be long, but if you want to hear a little more about my story from junkie to sober, responsible member of society working at my dream job at The Haven giving back and spreading the message every day that I go to work then keep reading ❤️‍🩹
*Three of those mugshots I was in a turtle suit (had my clothes removed and replaced with a velcro green suit. No blankets no sheets just me naked in a cell with that damn turtle suit. Per suicide or aggressive protocol.) I’m missing a few mugshots these were all I can find. The ones in Panama city I couldn’t find.

The 20th makes 18months free from the hell of heroin, fentanyl, meth, and needle addiction in general. I spent all of my 20s strung out, dope sick, stealing from people that loved and cared about me, being stuck in abusive relationships, boosting from stores (stealing then returning stolen goods), stealing electronics from big chain stores like tvs and grow lights for my dealer, basically stealing from anyone that gave me the chance. I’ve been to jail more times than I can count. I’ve been arrested for having heroin and needles on me, aggravated battery, multiple probation violations (I couldn’t complete probation for the fucking life of me. I just had to sit my time out in jail.) I violated my felony probation by catching a DUI and had to do 9 months in jail. I’ve been arrested for fraud, grand theft auto, failure to appear, etc. Just in and out for years. I’m a convicted felon. I ended up baker acted (involuntary psych hold) multiple times because of the severe withdrawals. I tried breaking my own arms in jail because the aching and skin crawling and pain was so fucking bad I figured I just needed to break my arms because that’s where the pain was the worst. Hopefully then they’d give me some pain pills.
I’ve tried killing myself more times than I can count. Tried slitting my wrist a few times, tried suffocating myself by lightning charcoal that I had stolen from Winn Dixie in my bathroom and sealing off the room and breathing it in for a good 15 or so minutes but I just got a bad headache…
I tried hanging myself but just broke the ceiling fan. I’ve tried overdosing with pills and with fentanyl and did actually over dose a good 4 or five times but was revived by one time cpr and the other times with narcan. And idk if you’ve ever been narcanned after being high on H but that shit fucking HURTS.
I’ve gone through precipitated withdrawals which caused excessive projectile vomiting and seizures and diarrhea and felt like my bones were about to shatter inside my body.
I’ve been homeless begging people to let me stay with them. Mostly ended up staying with my plugs who treated me like shit. One of them actually kept me locked inside his camper with no power, no water, only a pile of heroin and a bottle of water to shoot it up.
I’ve begged on street corners for money.
I’ve done and been through shit that really fucked me the hell up…
None of it was enough to get me to quit though.

What did cause me to finally be done for good was when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. My dad was the one person who NEVER gave up on me and did EVERYTHING in his fucking power to save me. Well his cancer was exactly what saved me. I went to my 4th and last rehab after I made a deal with God that if he saved my dad, I would never put another needle in my body again. And God actually came through. It took a while though I watch my dad almost die in front of me from all the chemo and radiation he was in the hospital for fucking months and had multiple strokes and was inches away from death. We started talk about hospice… throughout this time I was still using and heavier than ever because that was the only way that I wouldn’t cry every fucking day…
But one day my dad just started getting better. And we finally started getting our hope back that everything would be okay. And once I got the official notice that his cancer went into remission, my mom saw me shooting up and we all knew it was time to get me some help.
I went to my fourth and last rehab and then once graduated, I moved across the country to Texas and moved into an Oxford House with my cat. And tomorrow I celebrate 18 fucking months clean.
And so far over the past 18 months, God has kept his promise and my dad is still in remission and we are closer than ever. I’ve also reconnected with my mom and we are now best friends we all talk just about every other day.

Sorry this was long but I just wanted to show first hand that miracles happen and that you CAN get and STAY clean if you fight hard enough and refuse to give up or give in. If someone like me can do it, you sure as hell can.

Here’s some pictures of me in active addiction and then me 18 months clean working my dream job at a detox facility ❤️‍🩹
✨️ #wedorecover ✨️

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#addiction #anniversary #blessed #blogPost #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #cancer #cravings #Depression #domesticViolence #family #fentanyl #grateful #heroin #meth #motivation #motivational #na #needles #Ptsd #recovery #scars #selfcare #sober #sobriety #wedorecover

Borderline Personality Disorder: Splitting & Identity Diffusion with Mark Ruffalo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pR4E8s0dgQ&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Psychology

One month left until my one and a half years sober birthday!

{Thanks for the love, Facebook ✊️}

I recently started working at a job that I can finally have pride in and that I actually love and enjoy doing. I’m a Patient Care Tech at the Haven detox program at Crescent Hospital (basically a one week detox rehab). I got this shout out from this 19 year old guy that was a heroin addict like myself going through withdrawals who I had a long heart to heart with about giving up the drugs and not fucking up his precious life and being willing to fight for himself.

Feeling nostalgic. This past year and a half of recovery has been incredible. I dont think that I’ve ever experienced so many changes so fast. Decisions that were at first so fucking hard to make and scared the shit out of me. But thank God I did, because I don’t think that I would have made it out and stayed out of addiction if I went right back to what I knew and what was comfortable. Just because something is comfortable doesnt mean that it’s good for you.

Thank you to everyone who has loved me and supported me and motivated me to fight for and protect this new life that I have built for myself.

I honestly always thought that I was going to be a mentally ill and bat shit crazy fuck up for the rest of my life however long that may be. For most of my life, I couldn’t control my emotions- with borderline personality disorder they were just so fucking intense. I couldn’t handle it. I had no idea how to use healthy coping skills, so I started finding other ways to dull the chaos inside of me. That’s how I found heroin.

It may have came into my life from a shitty boyfriend, but I was all too eager to dance with the devil if it meant feeling better inside. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Just laying in bed or being out in public or just living your day to day life knowing how everything in your life is fine and you should be happy, but you literally cant; you just think too damn deeply, feel way too fucking much, get hurt too fucking easily, and you have these moments of extreme, primal anger where you see red and black out and lose yourself and you do and say these horrible things and get violent, destroying everything in your path, and it scares the shit out of people which causes you to be regretful and shameful and full of guilt which then leads to the bottomless pit of depression where you lay in bed for a week and can’t even manage thinking about dragging your exhausted body to the shower, so you just avoid it all together and the days and nights blend together and you just feel so empty and hallow inside like your body is about to implode on itself and you pray for it to just kill you and take you out of this constant torment once and for all.

Fast forward to a year later and I’m sober, they finally got my psych meds figured out, I got my dream job where all my pain and suffering and trauma can finally be used to help people like me after so long of never being able to hold down a job pretty much ever and being known as a junkie thief, to now, being known to be someone who is reliable, responsible, and trustworthy. And I’m finally happy. I found the peace and serenity that I had searched for in drugs for my entire life. I now see every day as a gift and do what I can to make the most of it instead of waste it away getting wasted. And every day I wake up and continue to fight for myself.

Just a story about how a girl from an upper middle class family with loving, attentive parents turned into a IV heroin using felon, yet somehow found her way back after learning many lessons the only way she knew how, the hard way.

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#abandonmentIssues #addiction #anxiety #blessed #blog #blogPost #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #Chronicpain #death #Depression #dying #existentialism #grateful #heroin #inspirational #lateNightThoughts #mdd #mentalIllness #Mentalillness #motivation #motivational #na #Ptsd #rapeSurvivor #scars #selfcare #snapped #sober #sobriety #suicidalIdeations #suicide

Hi, My Name is Depression

I’m happy, oh yes, I swear it’s true,

But I still can’t seem to get over you.

I look above at the skies bright blue,

And wonder if there’s but a clue…                                        

I have so much, oh yes, I know,

But still there’s this gaping hole.

I can’t stop looking down below-

At all this dirt and rot and coal,

And wondering why it has to be so?

Why we love, when we all die alone.

This curse of losing everyone you know,

And to pain and grief, you’re always prone.

I try so hard to see the good,

And push the bad out of reach.

I try to do all the things that I should,

But there’s just still this damn leech…

This leech that feeds off of me,

And steals whatever life may bring.

It makes it so hard; don’t you see?

To find any hope that which I can cling.

Always in the back of my mind…

Always a constant reminder…

Tainting any joy that I may find…

Pushing away every single confider…

I hate myself for my weakness,

And the fact that I can’t let go.

But most of all for my deepness,

Which caused these scars that I show.

Maybe one day I’ll have a Resurrection;

Maybe one day it won’t hurt so bad…

Maybe one day I beat this depression,

And finally stop being so fucking sad.

• December 2024
• November 2024
• September 2024
• July 2024
• May 2024
• February 2024
• January 2024
• December 2023
• November 2023
• October 2023
• September 2023
• August 2023
• July 2023
• June 2023
• May 2023
• April 2023
• March 2023
• February 2023
• January 2023
• December 2022
• November 2022
• October 2022
• February 2022
• September 2021
• June 2021
• May 2020
• February 2020
• December 2019

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#anxiety #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #Chronicpain #death #Depression #dying #grateful #grief #loneliness #mdd #mentalIllness #Mentalillness #poem #poetry

I forgot to link where I found out the #dbt thing earlier.

It was from tildes.net

This says it all for me:

"A lot of the language was really quite patronizing and it often felt like I was being gaslit into believing I am a bad person in need of fixing instead of a good person - and I am a good person - in need of healing.”

https://tild.es/1k1q

(I’m not on tildes, I just read sometimes)

#mentalhealth #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

“World of Grey”

Why cant I ever find happiness?
Never satisfied by money or things:
Consumed with a constant loneliness,
Chasing passion and all that it brings.

Oh, the things I do trying to feel…
Saturating myself with desire,
But my wounds never seem to heal,
And I burn deep inside like wildfire.

I am nothing but a tragic paradox,
Feeling too much, yet nothing at all.
Too afraid to move- unable to walk;
All I know how to do is fall…

Falling deep down a bottomless abyss,
This is where I stay- my world of grey,
Where every decision made is perilous;
Going through the motions every damn day.

Deep inside, I just want to scream…
Living on autopilot while the days blend.
Nothing is ever truly as it seems;
Another day goes by praying for the end.

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#addiction #anxiety #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #Depression #dying #loneliness #mentalIllness #poem #poetry

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Test — the Borderline Symptom List https://www.psypost.org/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd-test-the-borderline-symptom-list/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #MentalHealth #PersonalityDisorder #MentalHealthAwareness

Is there a community for Borderline Personality Disorder here on Mastodon? What hashtag would one follow?

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Neurodiversity #MentalHealth

What is BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder? A handy guide for my community:

Typically the major symptom is emotional dysregulation - which means feeling emotions at 150%-200%. Yet paradoxically, folk with BPD struggle to define the feelings they are feeling. Also typical - complete lack of self worth. Worthlessness. What could cause this?

It's a chronic trauma response. Chronic childhood trauma usually with parents either absent or ill equipped to support their child. Sexual abuse is a common occurrence. This can lead to a child developing a heightened sense of parent's/carer's emotions to avoid negative consequences - becoming the "empath".

Diagnosis is typically a long road - the industry avoids these people and will go so far as to avoid mentioning traits in notes in an effort to shield the patient from the stigma - ultimately unhelpful. BPD folk like to 'woo' healthcare providers as another major symptom is...

Abandonment issues. Everybody leaves and the cycle feeds into itself. Self isolating to avoid losing more people. No self worth so no reason to think you're worthy of support. This is why BPD has one of the highest suicide rates 12-15% suicide with the remainder contemplating it because they see their mental health condition as the cause, not the response.

In recent years C-PTSD has become a popular patsy to side step this stigma (and believe me, there are few things in this world stigmatised as BPD) but unfortunately C-PTSD doesn't capture the scope of BPD.

Other common traits:
- rage (if not outward then directed inward, also not necessarily constant)
- substance abuse to manage symptoms
- dialectical (black & white) thinking (technically defined as an inability to hold opposing truths or, to live in the grey area)
- unstable relationships
- impulsivity
- dissociation (zoning out or going numb to escape -this is the antipode of emotional dysregulation, I call it the logic prison and believe this is where most severe self damage occurs in BPD)
- common comorbid eating disorders (a range of these, anorexia/bulemia/orthorexia - it's about control mixed with worthlessness and self harm)
- self harming behaviours (very large range of these that are very confronting to people around us)

Other features:
- nuerodivirgent foundation (autism, ADHD, OCD)
- 4-6% of population affected
- commonly diagnosed in women but gender split is 50/50 (there are more than two genders though), men are usually forcibly diagnosed after institutionalisation or incarceration)
- 75% identify as queer ( BPD and how to support it needs to become common knowledge health literacy in the queer community)
- high tolerance to acute pain (especially self inflicted), very low tolerance to chronic pain, both physical and emotional
- dysregulation of pain (experienced like an emotion)
- a chaotic inner dialogue and an inability to process uncomfortable emotions

More:
- hyper fixation on "favourite persons" especially an inability to define our self without others and frantic efforts to avoid losing them
- "splitting" behaviour ie. switching from worship to derision & often back again (creating unstable relationships) usually due to conflict but sometimes due to delusion/confusion/double empathy problem
- meltdowns in which mental processing is severely compromised (I call it the bottleneck)
- known as the most painful mental illness
- exceptionally poorly understood by society & the mental health industry despite being more common than other well known mental illnesses
- social chameleons often viewed as manipulative (due to that abandonment fear)
- maladaptive behaviour ie. response to issues that create further problems due to an inability addressing issues that create uncomfortable emotions
- likely common in self-identifying alcoholics
- unmanageable intrusive thoughts
- commonly hereditary and commonly due to mentally ill parenting

A pervasive common experience is a lack of boundaries. It's not that we don't have them more that we never developed them due to grooming behaviour from carers. Poor boundaries regarding everything, very poor response when folk don't reciprocate with low boundaries. Getting better is about developing solid personal boundaries (around a stable sense of self).

Diagnosis of BPD revolves around the 9 defining traits of BPD in the DSM. This is done by psychiatrists. If you tick 5 boxes or more, you will be given the diagnosis. This leads to healthcare treating your condition as black & white (the irony) depending on how you report or observation of you (OBJECTIVE). After you have the label healthcare services will be wary of you (someone that is in desperate need of consistent healthcare to recover).

Severe empathy leads to higher frequency of these people in helping professions (if not disabled by it). It's not considered a disability or disease but an affliction that is a personal responsibility. Shortened life span and decrease in quality of life due to all of the above mentioned.

How to fix it: begin to develop a sense of self. Learn to create foundations that never existed. Learn what the criteria from the DSM-V are and how it applies to you but recognise this as a response, not a foundation. Develop skills from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT - yet be aware of the similarities to ABA or Applied Behavioral Therapy). Attempt to learn about sobriety and start to manage your comorbid conditions. Reach out for support services, use everything you can access. Create art. Create LOTS of art.

Art is play. Art is self expression. When you develop an art practice you create an avenue for flow, flow is healing.

Ultimately, be kind to yourself. Learn to be kind to yourself. Shift your self talk, no more self disparaging inner monologue. Begin to develop radical self acceptance & see that emotions are a construct of experience. Neural networks are highly established from a life of trauma & forging new ones takes time & reinforcement. Again RADICAL self acceptance. You're allowed to fuck this up, you will fuck this up, repeatedly. The objective here is not to erase this part of you but to learn to hold it with love and move forwards. You're trauma responses are valid.

A common problem is creating an identity out of the diagnosis. Diagnosis exists in the medical world to create a treatment protocol but giving someone without a sense of identity a pathology usually leads to attaching to it, the ultimate self fulfilling prophecy. You might have BPD but you are not BPD itself. That part of your picture is blank for now and you get to colour it in with what is truly authentic to who you are.

What helped me? Seeing others that had what I have. Recognising my empathy for them and realising I am equally worth that kindness, especially to my self. Deciding to cut out the people who can't or don't support you the way you need. Stop being there for them. You have to stop letting people hurt you so they won't leave. You have to stop engaging with people that don't respect your sense of self or constantly use you for their own validation. You only liked them because you saw yourself in them (literally) because you don't have your own sense of self. If they are someone you can't leave behind you need to start learning about attachment styles and tell them to concurrently heal with you. If they care, they'll listen.

If you can, access therapy that understands what BPD actually is. This is very hard to find, many people can't comprehend the scope of BPD to provide effective care. Meltdowns and rage burn bridges quickly and effectively. Just remember, you learned this, how to react like this. It was created in you, not by you. It is not you.

I changed my name. I caught the ball that my parents dropped and made the game my own. My rules. My boundaries. My self worth.

There's so much more to all of this but I couldn't have got to where I am without first understanding what I've shared. The truth is, I'm autistic with a ton of chronic trauma. This isn't recognised by the healthcare industry. I hope the autistic community can recognise this type of neurodivergence and that its misunderstanding is the foundation of so much darkness in the world.

People with BPD are fallen angels. In the darkness we only forwards our trauma but when we find the light, holy shit we get shiny.

#BPD #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

This afternoon, I have been researching #codependence, #domesticviolence, #substanceabuse, and what constitutes stalking in the state of California. My heart is completely shattered.I have also been looking into #burnerphones.

I can also include #homophobia, #bankruptcy and #borderlinepersonalitydisorder, but I am trying to keep things simple right now.