When your bum washer explodes on the anniversary of your birth, you know it's a real bad bidet / b'day
#fixatopunishes — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #fixatopunishes, aggregated by home.social.
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Man killed by Camellia sinensis; it was an unfortunate casual-tea.
#FiXatoPUNishes #pun #puns #tea -
CW: Pun: what do you get when you feed raw fish to Norwegian sheep?
sau-shi
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CW: Which Christian religion is a Stardew Valley miner's favourite religion?
Church of Ladder Day Saints
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Every year around this time I keep hoping for some gold to blow my way.
Alas, Au-gust is not living up to its name. :( -
CW: Pun: what do you call a bag for river herrings?
A shad-chel.
#FiXatoPUNishes #pun #puns #PunDay #SundayPun #shad #satchel
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In my defence, I didn't steal the hedge; I merely de-fenced the area.
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CW: Pun: What music do Loons love to listen too?
Those Raving Loonies love bird house.
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CW: Pun: this cover band of Life Is A Flower is rather carp
Dace of Base
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Pigasso paints a squealy nice pig-sure.
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CW: pun, lewd: why does a naked woman have a charisma stat boost?
Because of that clitorizz
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CW: ordspill: hva er farget til ei ku sin favoritt fransk borddekking?
en grønn ku-vert, selvfølgelig.
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CW: Pun: What's a bull's favourite drug?
Cowcaine
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CW: Pun: why was the pirate ship's deck full of chicks?
The captain called for an All Hens On Deck.
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CW: lewd: Popeye is full of iron because of all the spinach, but there's one bit of him that doesn't rust:
the thing he dips in Olive Oyl
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CW: Pun: a telecopied piece of historical interest
An artefax
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CW: Pun: why does Fozzy Bear not wear shoes?
Because he has bear feet.
#pun #puns #FiXatoPUNishes #muppets #TheMuppets #MuppetsChristmasCarol #FozzyBear
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Tonight you'll be visited by three spirits; don't drink them all at once.
#FiXatoPUNishes #pun #puns #alcohol #alc #liquor #christmasSpirit
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They say Bambi is Disney's cheapest film since it only cost a single buck, but I think it involved a lot more doe than that; quite a stag-gering amount even.
Quite hart-breaking. -
CW: Lewd: phrases you might hear in the bedroom or the cinema
- "god, yours is salty!"
- "want some jelly, baby?"
- "it looked more exciting in the preview"
Inspired by https://youtube.com/shorts/a6Lbiwhn9Sk
#FiXatoPUNishes #puns #lewd #bedroomPhrases #FiXatoCommentsOn
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"Plenty of fish in the sea; just gotta look for a sole, mate."
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CW: Pun: this vaccine for asses makes you want to fight windmills
A donkey shot.
(And yes, I'm aware that's not how #DonQuixote is supposed to be pronounced.)
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CW: Dutch pun: wat zegt de Brabantse straatvechter Ryu wanneer zijn beste vriend vertrekt?
Houdoe Ken!
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Pole dancing you say? Sure, I enjoyed that when I was visiting a friend's family's farm in Ostrołęka. 😏
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If you are stuck in a game, try to hatch a dragon to get out.
I call it the egg-sit strategy.
#FiXatoPUNishes #pun #puns #punDay -
"Yesterday I seen the film about the killer who uses puzzles to murder his victims."
"Don't you mean 'saw'?"
"Yes, exactly!" -
CW: horror pun
I awoke in an ice bath, with several organs missing.
"Organised! I said I wanted to be more organised! Not organ-iced!" -
You'd think Dwarves with their diamond mining operations would be a safe choice to lend money to.
However, it seems that when it's time to pay back, they always come up short. -
CW: Pun: Deliberately weakening governments with Ozzy Osbourne and Dio's music
BLACK SABBⒶTHAGE
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CW: Pun: I didn't really like mushrooms, but eventually they grew on me
Now I absolutely hate them; perhaps I should shower more thoroughly.
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CW: Pun: I wanted to buy some eggs. I handed over my money, and got golf balls in return.
Now that's what I call an eggs-change.
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"Ugh", the elf said, "it smells like ass here..."
"Of course", the gnome said, "it's that Derry air". -
CW: Pun, lewd-adjacent: instead of 'balls of steel', furries would probably prefer this expression:
wolf-ram balls
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CW: Pun: Equine pro skater
Pony Hawk
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CW: pun: this kind-hearted bell-ringer of Notre Dame is very cheesy
Quesomodo
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CW: Pun: what do you call a bad joke told in periodic sentences by a green muppet?
yodad joke
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CW: Pun: A farmer had 297 cows out in the field, when he got them back to the stables, he had 300. What did he do?
He rounded them up.
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I fried an RS-232 port; does that make me a serial killer?
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CW: Pun: what occult icon do cats use to meow at their dead owner for food in the middle of the night?
The neko-nomnom-icon.
#FiXatoPUNishes #pun #puns #caturday #cats #neko #necronomicon
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Inspired by my "Hail Butts" halibut pun (https://toot.cat/@FiXato/110699148766310533) I quickly drew this #wordArt of one using my Winsor & Newton alcohol markers.
#HailButts #butts #halibut #pun #puns #FiXatoPUNishes #FiXatoDraws #FiXatoCreative
#mastoArt #fediArt #artShare #creativeToot #creativeToots -
CW: Pun: this clown is either dressed in, or makes fun of synthetic textiles
Polyester-Jester
(And if they like to repeat themselves, I guess they are a polyester poly-jester?)
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CW: Pun: what do you need when you need to avoid everything?
a void
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CW: Pun: what do you call a melon that's gone bad?
meloff
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Hvor går sild etter de blir spist?
Till skjær*sild*en -
If someone complains about you using phrases like d'you, I'd've, and 'tisn't, does that make them a #clitic critic?
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CW: pun, drugs reference
Why did the methamphetamine addict go to the theatre?
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He heard they were looking for methhead actors.
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CW: DJs are so clumsy....
They always let the beat drop
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CW: Pun: minor demonic nautical performance without preparation, to a moral fault
imp-row-vice