#disenfranchisedgrief — Public Fediverse posts

I'm in a place where I want the people in my inner circle to be able to meet me on my own terms, hold space for big feelings without being overwhelmed, allow me to be honest about the #DisenfranchisedGrief I'm still carrying for the life I'll never have. If I can't have that, I'd rather be alone. I've put up a lot of barriers to try to keep people who can't be that out, but sometimes I let my guard down, and then I'm left asking, "Now what?" How do I put the barriers up after the fact, without hurting the other person?

I think a lot of struggling people see me as a port in the storm, so they end up clinging to me as they flail, but what they don't see is that I'm also flailing, I'm just better at pretending to smile as I do it.

The last time I ended up in this situation with someone, our friendship imploded in a very messy way, and I'd like to not repeat that, but I don't what else to do.

#Friendship #MentalHealth #Boundaries #Flailing

In this writing I'm revisiting, after chronicling two very close friendships, one with a woman from college and another I met through leftist activism, I come to the conclusion that I was infatuated with these women. But our society doesn't make space for narratives about "what might have been," and in an on-going #pandemic that makes #dating and #sex impossible, "what might have been" is still all that I have. It's maybe all I ever will have. I feel like I'll never get the chance to explore my #bisexuality in any meaningful way. And I'm still processing that #DisenfranchisedGrief. One point in the piece that stands out is:

"I want someone to tell me that it was real and that it mattered."

I still want someone to tell me that my feelings were real and that they mattered, even if they're all I have.

#queer #sapphic #bisexual #bisexuality #writing #RandomThoughts #SelfReflection #UnrequitedLove #Shame #ComingOutAsAnAdult #grief

Yet another day careening toward the #Apocalypse. The world is literally on fire. The air is poison. An unaccountable, elite judiciary perpetuates racism by striking down #AffirmativeAction. The #COVID19 #pandemic continues unchecked while an #H5H1 pandemic looks increasingly likely. #Christofascists continue their attempts to rollback #LGBTQ rights...

And through it all, I'm supposed to be cheerful at work, pretending none of this is happening and the most important thing is the ridiculous arguments between two organizational leaders about fucking serial commas?!

There is something insidious and traumatizing about the demands of emotional labor in workplaces. It's dehumanizing. It perpetuates the numbness of #DisenfranchisedGrief that we're all suffering from. This isn't natural. It isn't normal. We shouldn't have to act like it is.

#AnotherWorldIsPossible #ClimateCollapse #ClimateChange #SocialismOrBarbarism