#backstory — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #backstory, aggregated by home.social.
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The Fear Thesaurus Is Now Available Everywhere Books Are Sold
Fear is more than just an emotion–it’s also a powerful internal warning system. When a threat is perceived, fear kicks in, alerting a character to possible danger so they can protect themselves. In other words, fear helps them survive. However, over time, fear has a darker influence. It can magnify certain worries, make threats larger...
The post The Fear Thesaurus Is Now Available Everywhere Books Are Sold appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2026/05/fear-thesaurus-available-all-stores/ -
This adventure is an #intrigue of two intertwined mysteries, one of which comes from a #player #character's #backstory. There are different #NPCs with different information, not all of it correct, in different #locations. I should #prepare these #locations so that the party may visit them in any order. (Well, almost any order; the #villain's #lair must be last. 😉) It's not a #linear #structure at all. It's more of a #sandbox.
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This adventure is an #intrigue of two intertwined mysteries, one of which comes from a #player #character's #backstory. There are different #NPCs with different information, not all of it correct, in different #locations. I should #prepare these #locations so that the party may visit them in any order. (Well, almost any order; the #villain's #lair must be last. 😉) It's not a #linear #structure at all. It's more of a #sandbox.
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This adventure is an #intrigue of two intertwined mysteries, one of which comes from a #player #character's #backstory. There are different #NPCs with different information, not all of it correct, in different #locations. I should #prepare these #locations so that the party may visit them in any order. (Well, almost any order; the #villain's #lair must be last. 😉) It's not a #linear #structure at all. It's more of a #sandbox.
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It's #FollowFriday and today we share the story of our main character!! We love Caroline, and you'll love her too! 🫶
WISHLIST Knick Knack Stack to follow her journey 🥰
👇 Steam page 👇
https://store.steampowered.com/app/4456070/Knick_Knack_Stack/#indiegame #indiegames #cozygames #puzzlegame #story #lore #character #maincharacter #backstory
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Free Workshop: How to Write Fear That Feels Real
Writing authentic fear reactions can be challenging—even when we understand our character well. Why? Because each character has their own personality, background, trauma, and triggers, meaning their fear response to perceived threats will be unique. Showing our character’s fear-driven behavior, choices, and perceptions is a skill worth mastering because fear is a powerful common ground...
The post Free Workshop: How to Write Fear That Feels Real appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2026/05/free-fear-workshop/ -
Fear Thesaurus Expansion at One Stop for Writers + Save 25%
As many of you know, we recently released a new book – The Fear Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to What Holds Characters Back. This volume takes you into the dark world of fear and how it steers your character’s actions, choices, and behavior, reshaping how they see the world, themselves, and what they’re willing to...
The post Fear Thesaurus Expansion at One Stop for Writers + Save 25% appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2026/05/fear-thesaurus-expansion/#AboutUs #Antiheroes #Backstory #CharacterArc #CharacterFlaws
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Meet Candice's sister Chloe! 🎸
They're wildly different but they're sisters all right 🤭✨ Wishlist Knick Knack Stack on Steam! ✨
https://store.steampowered.com/app/4456070/Knick_Knack_Stack/#cozygaming #cozygames #indiegame #gamedev #puzzlegame #kks #knickknackstack #rockstar #popstar #lore #characterdesign #narrative #popstar #backstory #followfriday
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6 Ways to Discover Your Character’s Greatest Fear
From KMW: One of the juiciest tension points in a character’s arc is the question: What is your character’s greatest fear? This question isn’t (explicitly) about what characters say they want or what stands in their way externally. Rather, the answer we’re hunting for is the deeper fear lurking underneath. Very often, that fear is […]
The post 6 Ways to Discover Your Character’s Greatest Fear appeared first on Helping Writers Become Authors.
https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/characters-greatest-fear/ -
The Fear Thesaurus Is Here! (Early Release at Writers Helping Writers)
A new book is always something to celebrate, but we are extra excited about this one. Fear is more than an emotion that shows up in tense moments–it lies at the heart of every character’s journey. Every battle your character faces, every personal struggle they endure, every doubt, insecurity, and false belief they internalize…fear is...
The post The Fear Thesaurus Is Here! (Early Release at Writers Helping Writers) appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2026/04/the-fear-thesaurus-is-here/ -
How Does Fear Play Into Character Arc (Part 2)
In last week’s post, we discussed fear’s role in character arc, as well as the backstory elements you should know about your character’s past. Their wounding event, the resulting fear and lie, any emotional shielding, and their unmet need will come together to determine who your character is on page one. And then their current...
The post How Does Fear Play Into Character Arc (Part 2) appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2026/04/how-does-fear-play-into-character-arc-part-2/#Backstory #CharacterArc #Characters #Conflict #FearThesaurus
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At the local bookshop to pick up Sisters in Yellow, and having a coffee. Love this place (Backstory in Balham).
#SistersInYellow #MiekoKawakami #Backstory #IndependentBookstores
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#WordWeavers 3 April 2026
For which characters do you come up with a backstory?In fact, I have a backstory for each of my characters, even if it isn’t always explicitly mentioned in the story. However, it’s important to me for understanding what drives each character and ensuring their actions make sense.
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#WordWeavers 3 For which characters do you come up with a backstory?
Those for whom other characters in the current story need to know the backstory.
For example in my book "Of Wheels and Witches" 11-year-old Jeffery Davidson goes to spent the school holidays as a paying guest on a farm because his parents are overseas. He meets the farm-owner's niece, 9-year-old Catherine, who is half-Russian, lives in England, and whose parents were killed in a plane crash. He learns this backstory when he is introduced to her.
In a later book in the series this backstory becomes significant when Catherine's grandmother gives her a jewelled cross which is a family heirloom, and becomes a mcguffin in the story.
So the backstory is given on a "need to know" basis -- when either the other characters or the reader need to know it to understand what is going on in the present.
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How Fear Shrinks Your Character’s World Over Time
Fear is something we all experience, a psychological early warning system that alerts us to possible danger. When we encounter a situation that contains unknowns, fear kicks in. Even if we do not yet know what is triggering our unease, our senses heighten, our blood pressure rises, and we go on high alert, searching for...
The post How Fear Shrinks Your Character’s World Over Time appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2026/03/how-fear-shrinks/#Backstory #CharacterArc #CharacterWound #Characters #Emotion
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About Earth Notes aka EOU - Find out what Earth Notes is all about. What is its history, background and motivation? #green #backstory - https://www.earth.org.uk/about-us.html #EOU
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Using Contradictions to Create Microtension – Part 5
We’ve been looking at how to craft powerful mictotension (a must in fiction!) in these last few posts. In this...
The post Using Contradictions to Create Microtension – Part 5 appeared first on C. S. Lakin.
https://www.livewritethrive.com/2026/03/06/33567/ -
How to Write Authentic Character Behavior
Some stories stick with us more than others, and why? The characters. They feel so real. How they view life, the way they interact with others, the beliefs that steer them and their reactions to setbacks…it somehow all rings true. They might be nothing like us. We may not agree with their choices. But even...
The post How to Write Authentic Character Behavior appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2026/03/write-authentic-character-behavior/#Backstory #BasicHumanNeeds #CharacterArc #CharacterFlaws #Characters
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About Earth Notes aka EOU - Find out what Earth Notes is all about. What is its history, background and motivation? #green #backstory - https://www.earth.org.uk/about-us.html #EOU
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https://youtube.com/live/7JXQhff9aGc
#tRump #Venezuela #USA #America #UnitedNations #Ukraine #Taiwan #Greenland #Canada #Oil #Drugs #Congress #WarPowersAct #War #Epstein #Constitution #Billionaires #Pardon #Crisis #World #Politics #USPol #Activism #Resist #Protest #WeThePeople #LatinAmerica #sovereignty #WW3 #WWIII #BackStory #Truth #Facts #Democracy #Law
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Two Craft-Boosting Black Friday Deals for Writers
The best thing about Black Friday sales is how writers can put themselves first, picking up affordable resources that will make a huge impact on their writing success. I love that! Every year, we offer discounts so your dollars go further, and this year is no exception. What is…
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2025/11/black-friday-deals-writers/#Backstory #CharacterArc #CharacterTraits #CharacterWound #Characters
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How To Use Dialogue for Backstory and Worldbuilding—Infodump-Free!
It’s an ongoing struggle for many of us: How do I share backstory and build my world without infodumping (and boring my readers)? One of my favorite—and sometimes overlooked—tools is dialogue! Using dialogue—and the beats that go along with…
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2025/10/dialogue-for-backstory-and-worldbuilding/#Backstory #Dialogue #Flashbacks #MoodandAtmosphere #ResidentWritingCoach
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The Elusive “I” in Identity
For whatever reason, I’ve come across a number of articles lately addressing the issue of personal identity from a variety of perspectives. Since one of fiction’s chief purposes is to explore who we are, why we’re here, and what we should do, I’ve found some of these articles fascinating. And perplexing.
https://writerunboxed.com/2025/10/10/the-elusive-i-in-identity/ -
How to Differentiate Stories from AI Slop
Use Context to Deepen Our Writing From AI Slop For as long as I’ve been a writer, I’ve heard the advice, “Only write if you can’t not write.” The idea behind that tough-love guidance is that writing can be ridiculously hard work, publishing can be even harder, and that most published…
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2025/09/how-to-differentiate-stories-from-ai-slop/#AI #Backstory #CharacterWound #Characters #Emotion
@indieauthors -
Do’s and Don’ts for Using Backstory (in Fiction Writing)
Career Authors…
https://careerauthors.com/dos-and-donts-for-using-backstory-in-fiction-writing/ -
Write a 5-Star Book 2
When I set out to write Book 2 in my Fountain series, I made the common mistake of thinking it would be easier than the first one, which took me more than four years to write. After all, I’d already created the world and gotten to know my characters inside and out. I knew what […]…
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2025/05/write-a-5-star-book-2/#Backstory #ResidentWritingCoach #Series #Worldbuilding #WritingCraft
@indieauthors -
Workshop: How to Write Compelling Inner Conflict with Angela Ackerman
Ready to dive into your character’s internal struggle and put all that incredible gut-twisting conflict on the page? If so, don’t miss this upcoming Zoom workshop on Saturday, May 24th, 11 AM Eastern Time. Inner…
https://writershelpingwriters.net/2025/05/workshop-how-to-write-compelling-inner-conflict-with-angela-ackerman/#Backstory #CharacterArc #Characters #Conflict #ConflictThesaurusGuide
@indieauthors -
Heh, has it really taken this long for #Jinji and #Aadvay to finally formerly introduce themselves to each other?!?
Yes, that's right friends! The fifth page of Doppelganger is now live on the Jinji the Gengar website, and on Cat's DeviantArt!
https://jinji.gamescodex.net/doppelganger/
https://www.deviantart.com/silverbettacct/art/Doppelganger-page-5-1184213720
...Or you can just click on the image below 😅
#backstory #collaboration #collab #deviantart #intro #introducing #introduction #OC #story #Gengar #Jinjiverse #comic #doppelganger #Pokemon
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On Getting Lost in Translations
Or, down the rabbit hole with the Keithster…
https://writerunboxed.com/2025/03/24/on-getting-lost-in-translations/#Backstory #BookDiscussion #CRAFT #Inspirations #REALWORLD
@indieauthors -
New YouTube video from Tim Minchin:
✨ More C...H...E...E...S...E... ... … 🧀? CHEESE! #DigitalHouseOfTimothy #Backstory #TimMinchin #Shorts
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New YouTube video from Tim Minchin:
✨ 🤔🧀 #DigitalHouseOfTimothy #Backstory #timminchin
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After a lengthy delay, the fourth page of Doppelganger is now live on the Jinji the Gengar website, and on Cat's DeviantArt!
https://jinji.gamescodex.net/doppelganger/
https://www.deviantart.com/silverbettacct/art/Doppelganger-page-4-1166452312
...Or you can just click on the image below 😅
#Aadvay #backstory #collaboration #collab #deviantart #intro #introducing #introduction #OC #story #Gengar #Jinjiverse #comic #Jinji #doppelganger #Pokemon
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Tonight’s a new StoryTalk! 📓 “GMs examine character backstories & discuss their uses with the PCs & chat.”
8 PM EST • http://twitch.tv/zealzaddyGMs: @holloworange.bsky.social @keichiokami.itch.io
Players: @rahrah.bsky.social @ghostcandle.bsky.social
Download character backstories: https://bit.ly/STBckstry
#StoryTalk #GM #DM #DungeonMaster #GameMaster #PlayerCharacter #Backstory #Backstories #Writing #DnD #DnD5e #Pathfinder #TTRPG #RPG
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Monday is a new StoryTalk! 📓 “GMs examine character backstories & discuss their uses with the PCs & chat.”
8 PM EST • http://twitch.tv/zealzaddyGMs: @holloworange.bsky.social @keichiokami.itch.io
Players: @rahrah.bsky.social @ghostcandle.bsky.social
Download character backstories: https://bit.ly/STBckstry
#StoryTalk #GM #DM #DungeonMaster #GameMaster #PlayerCharacter #Backstory #Backstories #Writing #DnD #DnD5e #Pathfinder #TTRPG #RPG
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Halloween (2007) Extrait
https://frimoulux.com/halloween-2007-extrait/
#RobZombie #MalcolmMcDowell #TylerMane #ScoutTaylorCompton #BradDourif #SheriMoonZombie #DaegFaerch #DanielleHarris #WilliamForsythe #remake #slasher #horreur #MichaelMyers #DrSamuelLoomis #Haddonfield #Illinois #origine #psychopathe #masque #SmithsGrove #enfancetraumatisante #violence #gore #années2000 #DimensionFilms #JohnCarpenter #TheShape #LaurieStrode #effetsspéciaux #critiquemitigée #succèscommercial #HalloweenII #réinvention #backstory
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https://www.wacoca.com/games/979002/ Silver is a great rival, although I like his classic incarnation better | #pokemon #analysis #ART #backstory #CharacterDesign #Crystal #design #discussion #elm #Evolution #Gen2 #Generation2 #Gold #HeartGold #heartgold #HotTake #kris #Lore #oak #opinion #pokemon #PokemonCrystal #ProfessorElm #ProfessorOak #Review #RPG #shorts #Silver #SoulSilver #soulsilver #Story #tbskyen #TbskyenShorts #VisualDesign #ポケットモンスターダイヤモンド
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A brand-new comic is now live on the #Jinji website!
Doppelganger
A collaboration between myself and the Deviant Artist, Cat (https://www.deviantart.com/silverbettaCCT), based on a role-play we performed with one another. It serves mainly as an introduction and character building for Cat’s new Gengar OC, Aadvay, but is also a r…
https://jinji.gamescodex.net/doppelganger/
#Aadvay #backstory #collaboration #comic #intro #introducing #introduction #OC #story #Gengar #Jinji #Jinjiverse -
A brand-new #comic is now live on the #Jinji website!
Doppelganger
A collaboration between myself and the #DeviantArtist, Cat (https://www.deviantart.com/silverbettaCCT), based on a role-play we performed with one another. It serves mainly as an introduction and character building for Cat's new Gengar OC, Aadvay, but is also a reflection of our newfound friendship with each other, as told through our characters.
This comic is still being worked on, so do keep checking back for further pages; or follow Cat on DeviantArt!
https://jinji.gamescodex.net/doppelganger/
#Aadvay #backstory #collaboration #collab #deviantart #intro #introducing #introduction #OC #story #Gengar #Jinjiverse -
https://www.wacoca.com/games/962988/ Krystal is a character that awoke something in a LOT of people | #starfox ##GAMING #analysis #backstory #CharacterDesign #Crystal #design #DinosaurPlanet #discussion #Explained #fox #FoxMccloud #krystal #Lore #Nintendo #opinion #Review #RPG #shorts #StarFox #StarFox64 #StarFoxAdventures #StarFoxCommand #StarFoxZero #starfox #StarFox64 #tbskyen #TbskyenShorts #tbskyenshorts #VideoGames #スターフォックス64
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Wonder Man: Simon Williams Saga (Marvel) http://dlvr.it/TFyLNX -Link in bio- #WonderMan #SimonWilliams #Marvel #Superhero #Backstory
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Well, hello, everyone. I was originally going to write about something a bit different – problem solving and Stoicism – but then I saw this prompt from the journaling app Day One and this feels a bit more meaningful:
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
Truth be told, I have no idea, at least none that I’m aware of. I don’t think I was ever a child, really. In some ways, I didn’t really get to be a child, and in others, I chose not to be one, and in still others, simply…never was one. I was an odd kid who saw too much and asked far too many questions. I knew exactly what I wanted from a very young age, around three or four, and have spent my entire life to date working to get it, as the family and life I was born into was nothing like what I wanted.
I was ruthlessly self aware and extremely critical of myself and even more so of others. I could read by eighteen months old and speak like an adult, and like many AuDHD kids, I had no concept of shame or embarrassment. I was told to be honest and was punished for lying, so when I was asked for my opinion, I gave people my honest opinion fluently. This pissed a lot of people off because it turns out they weren’t looking for an honest opinion and weren’t expecting a well thought out, passionate critique from a toddler in front of everyone they knew.
So I grew up very afraid, confused, and angry. Why would people ask for my opinion and then get angry for me expressing my opinion?! This just pissed me off more, because as fluently as I could speak, I had no concept of social nuance or Southern politeness, and frankly I thought it was all bullshit. So I became a very lonely, angry kid. Nobody in my family expected me to know what I wanted, much less express it with ease and fluency, as they are very indecisive, so I was harshly punished for that, too. From the time I was perhaps five or six, my strongest desire was to be an adult so I could be an adult so I could finally leave all of those indecisive fuckers with their conflicting ideas about manners and the right thing to do in the dust, and I wasn’t shy about that, either. See why I have no idea what it even remotely means to be a kid at heart?
Though, I suppose, imagining for a moment that my family had been made up of decent human beings more in line with the spirit of the question, and not the reality of what happened, I think I could come up with a better answer.
Had my family let me lead the way and actually believed me when I said I knew precisely what I wanted (within reason, of course, with limits to keep me safe from harm), I could them allowing me to explore my myriad special interests and gently nudging me toward keeping an open mind to related areas, accepting me for who I was rather than who they were trying to shape me into, and celebrating my imagination rather than attempting to stifle it in the name of normalcy or propriety.
I wish that my family had accepted and encouraged me in my entirety that way. However, the tragic reality is that they didn’t. That being said, a lot of the work I’ve been doing of late is accepting myself like that. It still feels really weird a lot of the time because I’m so used to suppressing aspects of myself or expecting those around me to ask me to “tone it down”, but nobody does anymore. That in and of itself is terrifying in a way, but deeply and immensely liberating.
In the process, I’ve been able to release a lot of the anger I’ve been holding onto for 27 fucking years and replace it with curiosity, love, and something like wonder. I think this is more of what the prompt was driving at, and I like to think I’m living this.
I couldn’t have done this without my beloved Emerson modeling being a kid at heart for me more or less. He’s never lost that wonder or that curiosity. He’s fucking adorable, passionate about everything, and it’s infectious. Loving him and watching him get fully in touch with his inner childlike wonder has helped me discover mine in many ways for the first time consciously. He has to often drag me out of my shell because anxiety is a fucking bitch, but I’m grateful for it every time he does. He has been helping me gently unfurl a great deal. I call him “baby man” affectionately because of that never ending sense of wonder and youthful rambunctiousness.
Another partner of mine, Hawthorne, is another excellent model for this. They are essentially a tiny radiant goth crow baby darling in person form, and they are so fucking fascinated with so many different things with such great intensity that they cannot help get ME interested in a lot of the same shit effortlessly. In fact, I got started practicing magic in large part YEARS ago in earnest because of them. They opened my mind to so many different things simply by being so excited about them and I honestly don’t know what I would do without that sweet baby.
And as I sit with the eternal question of “what the fuck do I do now” I posed in my post the other day, I’m finding that a lot of my interests are holdovers from when I was fucking pissed at everything, most of myself, and wanting to drink myself into a stupor. I picked many of them up to spite someone or other and they became the sole buffer between oblivion and me with time. Very few of them actually spark any kind of real passion or breathe any kind of real life into me, they’re more like “hey, I’m gonna do this thing as a last resort so I don’t do something worse or permanent because I feel like utter dog shit”. In that way they feel more like a chemical dependency than a real passion. But one of the things I keep coming back to is audio engineering.
Songwriting is one of those chemical dependency things for me. It’s a great outlet when I feel like utter dog shit and have nowhere else to turn, hence why I have written 15 fucking albums. But it’s not the songwriting part of the process that lights me the fuck up. It’s the RECORDING portion. I love recording. It’s something that I love doing so much that even though I’ve produced and recorded fifteen fucking albums on my own, that part of the process never gets old and I love approaching it from different angles every time, trying to do it differently and better with the supplies I have on hand.
Now, I’m someone who gets very bored very easily with things once I know how to do them. I want to move on, chart new territory once I’ve mastered something to my satisfaction. But no. Never with recording and engineering, and it’s been just about fifteen years since I first set foot in a professional recording studio in Dallas. My passion for it pales in comparison to even performing live, which is why I don’t really perform live or promote my music that often. I just really don’t enjoy songwriting or performing that much beyond a last resort outlet. As I heal, I find I would far rather be fucking around behind the controls, trying to capture shit live and seeing what I can do with those takes like Ken Nelson recording Parachutes with Coldplay. Or anything the late Steve Albini did at Electrical Audio in Chicago. That shit never gets old. And that, among other things, makes me feel like the bright eyed kid I never got to be.
I think that gets the point across. Stay tuned for more magic, beautiful people. This has been Lazarus, your very feral, passionate, AuDHD gremlin sorcerer, signing off ✨
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https://opensorceryy.co/a-journey-to-the-center-of-myself/
#albums #art #audioEngineering #backstory #catharsis #childhood #cptsd #creativity #dailyprompt #dailyprompt2106 #deconstruction #ElectricalAudio #Emerson #Hawthorne #Hera #influences #inspiration #introspection #KenNelson #lore #music #onWriting #passions #polyamory #production #ptsd #ramble #recording #songwriting #spiritualJourney #SteveAlbini #tragicBackstory #whatLightsMeTheFuckUp
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Well, hello, everyone. I was originally going to write about something a bit different – problem solving and Stoicism – but then I saw this prompt from the journaling app Day One and this feels a bit more meaningful:
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
Truth be told, I have no idea, at least none that I’m aware of. I don’t think I was ever a child, really. In some ways, I didn’t really get to be a child, and in others, I chose not to be one, and in still others, simply…never was one. I was an odd kid who saw too much and asked far too many questions. I knew exactly what I wanted from a very young age, around three or four, and have spent my entire life to date working to get it, as the family and life I was born into was nothing like what I wanted.
I was ruthlessly self aware and extremely critical of myself and even more so of others. I could read by eighteen months old and speak like an adult, and like many AuDHD kids, I had no concept of shame or embarrassment. I was told to be honest and was punished for lying, so when I was asked for my opinion, I gave people my honest opinion fluently. This pissed a lot of people off because it turns out they weren’t looking for an honest opinion and weren’t expecting a well thought out, passionate critique from a toddler in front of everyone they knew.
So I grew up very afraid, confused, and angry. Why would people ask for my opinion and then get angry for me expressing my opinion?! This just pissed me off more, because as fluently as I could speak, I had no concept of social nuance or Southern politeness, and frankly I thought it was all bullshit. So I became a very lonely, angry kid. Nobody in my family expected me to know what I wanted, much less express it with ease and fluency, as they are very indecisive, so I was harshly punished for that, too. From the time I was perhaps five or six, my strongest desire was to be an adult so I could be an adult so I could finally leave all of those indecisive fuckers with their conflicting ideas about manners and the right thing to do in the dust, and I wasn’t shy about that, either. See why I have no idea what it even remotely means to be a kid at heart?
Though, I suppose, imagining for a moment that my family had been made up of decent human beings more in line with the spirit of the question, and not the reality of what happened, I think I could come up with a better answer.
Had my family let me lead the way and actually believed me when I said I knew precisely what I wanted (within reason, of course, with limits to keep me safe from harm), I could them allowing me to explore my myriad special interests and gently nudging me toward keeping an open mind to related areas, accepting me for who I was rather than who they were trying to shape me into, and celebrating my imagination rather than attempting to stifle it in the name of normalcy or propriety.
I wish that my family had accepted and encouraged me in my entirety that way. However, the tragic reality is that they didn’t. That being said, a lot of the work I’ve been doing of late is accepting myself like that. It still feels really weird a lot of the time because I’m so used to suppressing aspects of myself or expecting those around me to ask me to “tone it down”, but nobody does anymore. That in and of itself is terrifying in a way, but deeply and immensely liberating.
In the process, I’ve been able to release a lot of the anger I’ve been holding onto for 27 fucking years and replace it with curiosity, love, and something like wonder. I think this is more of what the prompt was driving at, and I like to think I’m living this.
I couldn’t have done this without my beloved Emerson modeling being a kid at heart for me more or less. He’s never lost that wonder or that curiosity. He’s fucking adorable, passionate about everything, and it’s infectious. Loving him and watching him get fully in touch with his inner childlike wonder has helped me discover mine in many ways for the first time consciously. He has to often drag me out of my shell because anxiety is a fucking bitch, but I’m grateful for it every time he does. He has been helping me gently unfurl a great deal. I call him “baby man” affectionately because of that never ending sense of wonder and youthful rambunctiousness.
Another partner of mine, Hawthorne, is another excellent model for this. They are essentially a tiny radiant goth crow baby darling in person form, and they are so fucking fascinated with so many different things with such great intensity that they cannot help get ME interested in a lot of the same shit effortlessly. In fact, I got started practicing magic in large part YEARS ago in earnest because of them. They opened my mind to so many different things simply by being so excited about them and I honestly don’t know what I would do without that sweet baby.
And as I sit with the eternal question of “what the fuck do I do now” I posed in my post the other day, I’m finding that a lot of my interests are holdovers from when I was fucking pissed at everything, most of myself, and wanting to drink myself into a stupor. I picked many of them up to spite someone or other and they became the sole buffer between oblivion and me with time. Very few of them actually spark any kind of real passion or breathe any kind of real life into me, they’re more like “hey, I’m gonna do this thing as a last resort so I don’t do something worse or permanent because I feel like utter dog shit”. In that way they feel more like a chemical dependency than a real passion. But one of the things I keep coming back to is audio engineering.
Songwriting is one of those chemical dependency things for me. It’s a great outlet when I feel like utter dog shit and have nowhere else to turn, hence why I have written 15 fucking albums. But it’s not the songwriting part of the process that lights me the fuck up. It’s the RECORDING portion. I love recording. It’s something that I love doing so much that even though I’ve produced and recorded fifteen fucking albums on my own, that part of the process never gets old and I love approaching it from different angles every time, trying to do it differently and better with the supplies I have on hand.
Now, I’m someone who gets very bored very easily with things once I know how to do them. I want to move on, chart new territory once I’ve mastered something to my satisfaction. But no. Never with recording and engineering, and it’s been just about fifteen years since I first set foot in a professional recording studio in Dallas. My passion for it pales in comparison to even performing live, which is why I don’t really perform live or promote my music that often. I just really don’t enjoy songwriting or performing that much beyond a last resort outlet. As I heal, I find I would far rather be fucking around behind the controls, trying to capture shit live and seeing what I can do with those takes like Ken Nelson recording Parachutes with Coldplay. Or anything the late Steve Albini did at Electrical Audio in Chicago. That shit never gets old. And that, among other things, makes me feel like the bright eyed kid I never got to be.
I think that gets the point across. Stay tuned for more magic, beautiful people. This has been Lazarus, your very feral, passionate, AuDHD gremlin sorcerer, signing off ✨
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#albums #art #audioEngineering #backstory #catharsis #childhood #cptsd #creativity #dailyprompt #dailyprompt2106 #deconstruction #ElectricalAudio #Emerson #Hawthorne #Hera #influences #inspiration #introspection #KenNelson #lore #music #onWriting #passions #polyamory #production #ptsd #ramble #recording #songwriting #spiritualJourney #SteveAlbini #tragicBackstory #whatLightsMeTheFuckUp
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Well, hello, everyone. I was originally going to write about something a bit different – problem solving and Stoicism – but then I saw this prompt from the journaling app Day One and this feels a bit more meaningful:
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
Truth be told, I have no idea, at least none that I’m aware of. I don’t think I was ever a child, really. In some ways, I didn’t really get to be a child, and in others, I chose not to be one, and in still others, simply…never was one. I was an odd kid who saw too much and asked far too many questions. I knew exactly what I wanted from a very young age, around three or four, and have spent my entire life to date working to get it, as the family and life I was born into was nothing like what I wanted.
I was ruthlessly self aware and extremely critical of myself and even more so of others. I could read by eighteen months old and speak like an adult, and like many AuDHD kids, I had no concept of shame or embarrassment. I was told to be honest and was punished for lying, so when I was asked for my opinion, I gave people my honest opinion fluently. This pissed a lot of people off because it turns out they weren’t looking for an honest opinion and weren’t expecting a well thought out, passionate critique from a toddler in front of everyone they knew.
So I grew up very afraid, confused, and angry. Why would people ask for my opinion and then get angry for me expressing my opinion?! This just pissed me off more, because as fluently as I could speak, I had no concept of social nuance or Southern politeness, and frankly I thought it was all bullshit. So I became a very lonely, angry kid. Nobody in my family expected me to know what I wanted, much less express it with ease and fluency, as they are very indecisive, so I was harshly punished for that, too. From the time I was perhaps five or six, my strongest desire was to be an adult so I could be an adult so I could finally leave all of those indecisive fuckers with their conflicting ideas about manners and the right thing to do in the dust, and I wasn’t shy about that, either. See why I have no idea what it even remotely means to be a kid at heart?
Though, I suppose, imagining for a moment that my family had been made up of decent human beings more in line with the spirit of the question, and not the reality of what happened, I think I could come up with a better answer.
Had my family let me lead the way and actually believed me when I said I knew precisely what I wanted (within reason, of course, with limits to keep me safe from harm), I could them allowing me to explore my myriad special interests and gently nudging me toward keeping an open mind to related areas, accepting me for who I was rather than who they were trying to shape me into, and celebrating my imagination rather than attempting to stifle it in the name of normalcy or propriety.
I wish that my family had accepted and encouraged me in my entirety that way. However, the tragic reality is that they didn’t. That being said, a lot of the work I’ve been doing of late is accepting myself like that. It still feels really weird a lot of the time because I’m so used to suppressing aspects of myself or expecting those around me to ask me to “tone it down”, but nobody does anymore. That in and of itself is terrifying in a way, but deeply and immensely liberating.
In the process, I’ve been able to release a lot of the anger I’ve been holding onto for 27 fucking years and replace it with curiosity, love, and something like wonder. I think this is more of what the prompt was driving at, and I like to think I’m living this.
I couldn’t have done this without my beloved Emerson modeling being a kid at heart for me more or less. He’s never lost that wonder or that curiosity. He’s fucking adorable, passionate about everything, and it’s infectious. Loving him and watching him get fully in touch with his inner childlike wonder has helped me discover mine in many ways for the first time consciously. He has to often drag me out of my shell because anxiety is a fucking bitch, but I’m grateful for it every time he does. He has been helping me gently unfurl a great deal. I call him “baby man” affectionately because of that never ending sense of wonder and youthful rambunctiousness.
Another partner of mine, Hawthorne, is another excellent model for this. They are essentially a tiny radiant goth crow baby darling in person form, and they are so fucking fascinated with so many different things with such great intensity that they cannot help get ME interested in a lot of the same shit effortlessly. In fact, I got started practicing magic in large part YEARS ago in earnest because of them. They opened my mind to so many different things simply by being so excited about them and I honestly don’t know what I would do without that sweet baby.
And as I sit with the eternal question of “what the fuck do I do now” I posed in my post the other day, I’m finding that a lot of my interests are holdovers from when I was fucking pissed at everything, most of myself, and wanting to drink myself into a stupor. I picked many of them up to spite someone or other and they became the sole buffer between oblivion and me with time. Very few of them actually spark any kind of real passion or breathe any kind of real life into me, they’re more like “hey, I’m gonna do this thing as a last resort so I don’t do something worse or permanent because I feel like utter dog shit”. In that way they feel more like a chemical dependency than a real passion. But one of the things I keep coming back to is audio engineering.
Songwriting is one of those chemical dependency things for me. It’s a great outlet when I feel like utter dog shit and have nowhere else to turn, hence why I have written 15 fucking albums. But it’s not the songwriting part of the process that lights me the fuck up. It’s the RECORDING portion. I love recording. It’s something that I love doing so much that even though I’ve produced and recorded fifteen fucking albums on my own, that part of the process never gets old and I love approaching it from different angles every time, trying to do it differently and better with the supplies I have on hand.
Now, I’m someone who gets very bored very easily with things once I know how to do them. I want to move on, chart new territory once I’ve mastered something to my satisfaction. But no. Never with recording and engineering, and it’s been just about fifteen years since I first set foot in a professional recording studio in Dallas. My passion for it pales in comparison to even performing live, which is why I don’t really perform live or promote my music that often. I just really don’t enjoy songwriting or performing that much beyond a last resort outlet. As I heal, I find I would far rather be fucking around behind the controls, trying to capture shit live and seeing what I can do with those takes like Ken Nelson recording Parachutes with Coldplay. Or anything the late Steve Albini did at Electrical Audio in Chicago. That shit never gets old. And that, among other things, makes me feel like the bright eyed kid I never got to be.
I think that gets the point across. Stay tuned for more magic, beautiful people. This has been Lazarus, your very feral, passionate, AuDHD gremlin sorcerer, signing off ✨
Subscribe to Blog via Email
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Email Address
Subscribe
https://opensorceryy.co/a-journey-to-the-center-of-myself/
#albums #art #audioEngineering #backstory #catharsis #childhood #cptsd #creativity #dailyprompt #dailyprompt2106 #deconstruction #ElectricalAudio #Emerson #Hawthorne #Hera #influences #inspiration #introspection #KenNelson #lore #music #onWriting #passions #polyamory #production #ptsd #ramble #recording #songwriting #spiritualJourney #SteveAlbini #tragicBackstory #whatLightsMeTheFuckUp
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#Survivor46 Jem said in interviews that she was voted out because she shared her emotional #backstory with her tribe. We have serious doubts, as we discuss in this Why Jem Lost TikTok clip: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLkqSbgU/
You can also see our skepticism as a YouTube Short: https://youtube.com/shorts/GZnv796RCYk?si=dtZuL-nSstZa971p
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5Q2SOSLItA/?igsh=MTF0cXA0Ym14eDM5eQ==
Watched/listen to the full podcast on the #RHAP #Survivor #podcast feed, YouTube, or: https://robhasawebsite.com/why-___-lost-ep-5-survivor-46/
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#Survivor46 Jem said in interviews that she was voted out because she shared her emotional #backstory with her tribe. We have serious doubts, as we discuss in this Why Jem Lost TikTok clip: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLkqSbgU/
You can also see our skepticism as a YouTube Short: https://youtube.com/shorts/GZnv796RCYk?si=dtZuL-nSstZa971p
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5Q2SOSLItA/?igsh=MTF0cXA0Ym14eDM5eQ==
Watched/listen to the full podcast on the #RHAP #Survivor #podcast feed, YouTube, or: https://robhasawebsite.com/why-___-lost-ep-5-survivor-46/
-
#Survivor46 Jem said in interviews that she was voted out because she shared her emotional #backstory with her tribe. We have serious doubts, as we discuss in this Why Jem Lost TikTok clip: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLkqSbgU/
You can also see our skepticism as a YouTube Short: https://youtube.com/shorts/GZnv796RCYk?si=dtZuL-nSstZa971p
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5Q2SOSLItA/?igsh=MTF0cXA0Ym14eDM5eQ==
Watched/listen to the full podcast on the #RHAP #Survivor #podcast feed, YouTube, or: https://robhasawebsite.com/why-___-lost-ep-5-survivor-46/
-
#Survivor46 Jem said in interviews that she was voted out because she shared her emotional #backstory with her tribe. We have serious doubts, as we discuss in this Why Jem Lost TikTok clip: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLkqSbgU/
You can also see our skepticism as a YouTube Short: https://youtube.com/shorts/GZnv796RCYk?si=dtZuL-nSstZa971p
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5Q2SOSLItA/?igsh=MTF0cXA0Ym14eDM5eQ==
Watched/listen to the full podcast on the #RHAP #Survivor #podcast feed, YouTube, or: https://robhasawebsite.com/why-___-lost-ep-5-survivor-46/
-
#Survivor46 Jem said in interviews that she was voted out because she shared her emotional #backstory with her tribe. We have serious doubts, as we discuss in this Why Jem Lost TikTok clip: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLkqSbgU/
You can also see our skepticism as a YouTube Short: https://youtube.com/shorts/GZnv796RCYk?si=dtZuL-nSstZa971p
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5Q2SOSLItA/?igsh=MTF0cXA0Ym14eDM5eQ==
Watched/listen to the full podcast on the #RHAP #Survivor #podcast feed, YouTube, or: https://robhasawebsite.com/why-___-lost-ep-5-survivor-46/
