#abuseculture — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #abuseculture, aggregated by home.social.
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One thing that a lot of deeply indoctrinated Mormons don't grasp is the use of conventions (like images and terminology) to continue a conversation outside its original authoritarian-defined bounds. It's not an attempt to deceive — it's a long-standing form of artistic expression meant to reference the thing being discussed that's used in just about everything: art, music, science, philosophy, and especially, religion. People outside these insulative communities understand this, because we're exposed to the larger world of thought and perspective.
I do believe LDS leadership genuinely believes Dehlin is trying to deceive his audience. But as the article points out, it isn't very effective as a deceitful device. Five seconds into a typical Mormon Stories episode (or just look at the thumbnail) will show you that it's critical of the church.
But members, and leadership especially, aren't used to a full ecosystem of healthy conversation from a wide array of diverse viewpoints, including constructive and well-reasoned criticism. So they take on this persecution complex where everyone is out to get them, and then they become aggressors in what they believe self-defense.
But they're the ones isolating themselves from the larger conversation because they've marginalized everyone outside their tiny, exclusive core.
They're welcome to *join* the conversation any time. But they don't get to dominate it.
#exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon #AbuseCulture #authoritarianism
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One thing that a lot of deeply indoctrinated Mormons don't grasp is the use of conventions (like images and terminology) to continue a conversation outside its original authoritarian-defined bounds. It's not an attempt to deceive — it's a long-standing form of artistic expression meant to reference the thing being discussed that's used in just about everything: art, music, science, philosophy, and especially, religion. People outside these insulative communities understand this, because we're exposed to the larger world of thought and perspective.
I do believe LDS leadership genuinely believes Dehlin is trying to deceive his audience. But as the article points out, it isn't very effective as a deceitful device. Five seconds into a typical Mormon Stories episode (or just look at the thumbnail) will show you that it's critical of the church.
But members, and leadership especially, aren't used to a full ecosystem of healthy conversation from a wide array of diverse viewpoints, including constructive and well-reasoned criticism. So they take on this persecution complex where everyone is out to get them, and then they become aggressors in what they believe self-defense.
But they're the ones isolating themselves from the larger conversation because they've marginalized everyone outside their tiny, exclusive core.
They're welcome to *join* the conversation any time. But they don't get to dominate it.
#exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon #AbuseCulture #authoritarianism
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One thing that a lot of deeply indoctrinated Mormons don't grasp is the use of conventions (like images and terminology) to continue a conversation outside its original authoritarian-defined bounds. It's not an attempt to deceive — it's a long-standing form of artistic expression meant to reference the thing being discussed that's used in just about everything: art, music, science, philosophy, and especially, religion. People outside these insulative communities understand this, because we're exposed to the larger world of thought and perspective.
I do believe LDS leadership genuinely believes Dehlin is trying to deceive his audience. But as the article points out, it isn't very effective as a deceitful device. Five seconds into a typical Mormon Stories episode (or just look at the thumbnail) will show you that it's critical of the church.
But members, and leadership especially, aren't used to a full ecosystem of healthy conversation from a wide array of diverse viewpoints, including constructive and well-reasoned criticism. So they take on this persecution complex where everyone is out to get them, and then they become aggressors in what they believe self-defense.
But they're the ones isolating themselves from the larger conversation because they've marginalized everyone outside their tiny, exclusive core.
They're welcome to *join* the conversation any time. But they don't get to dominate it.
#exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon #AbuseCulture #authoritarianism
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One thing that a lot of deeply indoctrinated Mormons don't grasp is the use of conventions (like images and terminology) to continue a conversation outside its original authoritarian-defined bounds. It's not an attempt to deceive — it's a long-standing form of artistic expression meant to reference the thing being discussed that's used in just about everything: art, music, science, philosophy, and especially, religion. People outside these insulative communities understand this, because we're exposed to the larger world of thought and perspective.
I do believe LDS leadership genuinely believes Dehlin is trying to deceive his audience. But as the article points out, it isn't very effective as a deceitful device. Five seconds into a typical Mormon Stories episode (or just look at the thumbnail) will show you that it's critical of the church.
But members, and leadership especially, aren't used to a full ecosystem of healthy conversation from a wide array of diverse viewpoints, including constructive and well-reasoned criticism. So they take on this persecution complex where everyone is out to get them, and then they become aggressors in what they believe self-defense.
But they're the ones isolating themselves from the larger conversation because they've marginalized everyone outside their tiny, exclusive core.
They're welcome to *join* the conversation any time. But they don't get to dominate it.
#exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon #AbuseCulture #authoritarianism
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One thing that a lot of deeply indoctrinated Mormons don't grasp is the use of conventions (like images and terminology) to continue a conversation outside its original authoritarian-defined bounds. It's not an attempt to deceive — it's a long-standing form of artistic expression meant to reference the thing being discussed that's used in just about everything: art, music, science, philosophy, and especially, religion. People outside these insulative communities understand this, because we're exposed to the larger world of thought and perspective.
I do believe LDS leadership genuinely believes Dehlin is trying to deceive his audience. But as the article points out, it isn't very effective as a deceitful device. Five seconds into a typical Mormon Stories episode (or just look at the thumbnail) will show you that it's critical of the church.
But members, and leadership especially, aren't used to a full ecosystem of healthy conversation from a wide array of diverse viewpoints, including constructive and well-reasoned criticism. So they take on this persecution complex where everyone is out to get them, and then they become aggressors in what they believe self-defense.
But they're the ones isolating themselves from the larger conversation because they've marginalized everyone outside their tiny, exclusive core.
They're welcome to *join* the conversation any time. But they don't get to dominate it.
#exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon #AbuseCulture #authoritarianism
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I heard an ex army member, a woman who got sexually assaulted there, talk about this analogy and it stays with me:
Drink driving used to be treated as a harmless "boys will be boys" thing and there were jokes that you wouldn't be promoted to x rank if you didn't have y number of DUI violations.
Until the army stamped down on it and made it policy to give people negative consequences for drunk driving. They were like "it's not funny, we're taking it seriously, you're not gonna get promoted if you recklessly endanger lives that way." And rightly so.
Then army towns became the places with the lowest statistics of DUIs in the US.
So, we know it's possible.
Any organisation, not just the us army, can stamp out harmful behaviour if they actually care to do so.
They could stop rape and assault and harrassment.
They just don't care.
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I heard an ex army member, a woman who got sexually assaulted there, talk about this analogy and it stays with me:
Drink driving used to be treated as a harmless "boys will be boys" thing and there were jokes that you wouldn't be promoted to x rank if you didn't have y number of DUI violations.
Until the army stamped down on it and made it policy to give people negative consequences for drunk driving. They were like "it's not funny, we're taking it seriously, you're not gonna get promoted if you recklessly endanger lives that way." And rightly so.
Then army towns became the places with the lowest statistics of DUIs in the US.
So, we know it's possible.
Any organisation, not just the us army, can stamp out harmful behaviour if they actually care to do so.
They could stop rape and assault and harrassment.
They just don't care.
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I heard an ex army member, a woman who got sexually assaulted there, talk about this analogy and it stays with me:
Drink driving used to be treated as a harmless "boys will be boys" thing and there were jokes that you wouldn't be promoted to x rank if you didn't have y number of DUI violations.
Until the army stamped down on it and made it policy to give people negative consequences for drunk driving. They were like "it's not funny, we're taking it seriously, you're not gonna get promoted if you recklessly endanger lives that way." And rightly so.
Then army towns became the places with the lowest statistics of DUIs in the US.
So, we know it's possible.
Any organisation, not just the us army, can stamp out harmful behaviour if they actually care to do so.
They could stop rape and assault and harrassment.
They just don't care.
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For those who wonder what I mean about genocide happening to my own people with white skin, Sinéad breaks it down.
Anti-colonialism benefits us all.
(Famine by Sinéad O'Conner if you don't have Apple.)
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For those who wonder what I mean about genocide happening to my own people with white skin, Sinéad breaks it down.
Anti-colonialism benefits us all.
(Famine by Sinéad O'Conner if you don't have Apple.)
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For those who wonder what I mean about genocide happening to my own people with white skin, Sinéad breaks it down.
Anti-colonialism benefits us all.
(Famine by Sinéad O'Conner if you don't have Apple.)
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For those who wonder what I mean about genocide happening to my own people with white skin, Sinéad breaks it down.
Anti-colonialism benefits us all.
(Famine by Sinéad O'Conner if you don't have Apple.)
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For those who wonder what I mean about genocide happening to my own people with white skin, Sinéad breaks it down.
Anti-colonialism benefits us all.
(Famine by Sinéad O'Conner if you don't have Apple.)
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They always had two consistent hosts each season, and a third billionaire they'd rotate. These would range in empathy-capability, but the coldest of all was O'Leary.
Of the consistent hosts, Mark Cuban was the most empathy-capable. I truly believe that he is not a psychopath. He'd argue with O'Leary and confront him when he was especially heartless. When a situation called for empathy, Cuban would step up. I'm not talking about giving money to terrible ideas out of pity, but just human connection when someone showed a human moment.
Often the women guest-hosts were likewise more likely to be empathetic, but not always. Cuban was the mot consistently human.
So when I notice Cuban in the headlines, he is often aligning with the left. He's one of the very few who, say, think people like him should be taxed.
But O'Leary? He is always the cartoon villain of headlines. I know for a fact that he is constantly plotting in a dark room. He even would rub his hands together right on camera, not attempt to hide his inner Mr. Burns.
And with what we know of Epstein now? He's probably already has his shock collar moment whenever he wants it.
But he can't have it on *TV* just yet. And he's still working towards it.
These data centers are essential to his plan.
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I watched the first few seasons of Shark Tank post-2020. O'Leary stood out to me, in part because he looks just like Mr. Burns on Simpsons, but also because he was a great study of Aspirational Dictators.
He'd make these "jokes" at the business hopefuls, like "I want to put a shock collar on you, and any time you say 'ROI,' I'd zap you." He'd make remote-control zapping motions.
And everyone else would laugh. ha ha so funny.
But Kevin O'Leary, he did not laugh. He did not laugh because he was not joking. Not at all.
He made this "joke" on more than one episode. His tone was dead serious and even wistful. He'd get a twinkle in his eye. I knew even then in the early 00's, he was planning for a future where he *could* put a shock collar on anyone he wanted to, and zap them whenever he felt like it.
His plans are well under way.
https://www.sltrib.com/news/2026/05/05/kevin-oleary-says-protesters/
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A lot of people prefer racism over their own freedom.
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And there it is. They got a king to lick the old boot.
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It's a troll, yeah? An epic fucking troll against a literal king. What better way for these assholes to get their rocks off?
And just like when you call out the troll in your mentions, they play stupid. Because that doubles down on the joke. On the power play. This is just 4chan antics going into global politics.
It puts the King in a double-bind. He can't call it out for what it is without looking petty and causing an international scene. Oh, he just had no tolerance these poor mentally deficient dumbshits! They just couldn't help themselves and he's being so irrational and mean!
So any slight he acts on will appear like overreaction. So he's likely going to have to suck it up and take the insult. But it's absolutely an intended insult.
I've been in this exact situation in a domestic abuse scenario. Not that I think King Charles is any kind of victim — he's one of the most privileged people in the world. But the administration wants him to remember that he's not THE MOST privileged. These dynamics are the same from bottom to top.
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RE: https://mastodon.social/@grrlscientist/116482752033397988
Anyone who thinks this was unintentional hasn't been paying close enough attention to how these men operate.
They did this to see if they could insult the King of England and get away with it. If it started a war instead, all the better.
It's still incompetent wrt everything any of the rest of us value. But when your #1 goal is ego inflation at the expense of as many others as possible, it was brilliantly played. Peak #AbuseCulture.
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This is all eugenics. Any difficulties you're feeling, any survival pressures, any struggles in your line of work. It is an intentional effort to weed out those who can't keep up. There are fewer jobs; this is by design. And they want only the best people in those jobs, by design. They want everyone else sick, crazy, and eventually (as soon as possible), dead.
These aren't cracks we're falling through – they are holes in a sieve.
And those who pass the filter aren't going to be any better off. So what if you're one of those people who hasn't burnt out (yet)? Once they have extracted your vital essence, you will be tossed aside to die, too.
My problems with LinkedIn today are part of this process. My options are:
1. Continue to fight and make problems with them until they restore my account on a site I don't like or want to use anyway. This will leave me stressed and, at this rate, broken.
2. Give up entirely on LinkedIn and start a *different* long, frustrating campaign to get my account deleted. This, as with my Facebook deletion a couple of years ago, will leave me with a much narrower field of career prospects. I will be free of them, but, as I am currently jobless with my bank account already nearly empty, I may to face the real possibility of having to eek out a living without money, maybe as a subsistence farmer with no internet or access to goods I can't make myself.
Does this seem like a double-bind? It is. It is intentional. Because this is what cults do. They make you dependent, then put you in situations you can't win, and where the losing options are all existential.
They may be interested the success of YOUR career, if you are still strong, willing to send over all your private data, and can still be useful to them. But they are not interested in mine, because I am none of these things.
Option #1 feels like I'm back with my abuser in a sick cycle. Option #2 feels like I'm just giving up.
And unlike with my abuser and my cult, there's no "outside society" to flee to anymore. This is it. This IS outside society. This is what we've allowed to happen to everyone.
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This is all eugenics. Any difficulties you're feeling, any survival pressures, any struggles in your line of work. It is an intentional effort to weed out those who can't keep up. There are fewer jobs; this is by design. And they want only the best people in those jobs, by design. They want everyone else sick, crazy, and eventually (as soon as possible), dead.
These aren't cracks we're falling through – they are holes in a sieve.
And those who pass the filter aren't going to be any better off. So what if you're one of those people who hasn't burnt out (yet)? Once they have extracted your vital essence, you will be tossed aside to die, too.
My problems with LinkedIn today are part of this process. My options are:
1. Continue to fight and make problems with them until they restore my account on a site I don't like or want to use anyway. This will leave me stressed and, at this rate, broken.
2. Give up entirely on LinkedIn and start a *different* long, frustrating campaign to get my account deleted. This, as with my Facebook deletion a couple of years ago, will leave me with a much narrower field of career prospects. I will be free of them, but, as I am currently jobless with my bank account already nearly empty, I may to face the real possibility of having to eek out a living without money, maybe as a subsistence farmer with no internet or access to goods I can't make myself.
Does this seem like a double-bind? It is. It is intentional. Because this is what cults do. They make you dependent, then put you in situations you can't win, and where the losing options are all existential.
They may be interested the success of YOUR career, if you are still strong, willing to send over all your private data, and can still be useful to them. But they are not interested in mine, because I am none of these things.
Option #1 feels like I'm back with my abuser in a sick cycle. Option #2 feels like I'm just giving up.
And unlike with my abuser and my cult, there's no "outside society" to flee to anymore. This is it. This IS outside society. This is what we've allowed to happen to everyone.
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This is all eugenics. Any difficulties you're feeling, any survival pressures, any struggles in your line of work. It is an intentional effort to weed out those who can't keep up. There are fewer jobs; this is by design. And they want only the best people in those jobs, by design. They want everyone else sick, crazy, and eventually (as soon as possible), dead.
These aren't cracks we're falling through – they are holes in a sieve.
And those who pass the filter aren't going to be any better off. So what if you're one of those people who hasn't burnt out (yet)? Once they have extracted your vital essence, you will be tossed aside to die, too.
My problems with LinkedIn today are part of this process. My options are:
1. Continue to fight and make problems with them until they restore my account on a site I don't like or want to use anyway. This will leave me stressed and, at this rate, broken.
2. Give up entirely on LinkedIn and start a *different* long, frustrating campaign to get my account deleted. This, as with my Facebook deletion a couple of years ago, will leave me with a much narrower field of career prospects. I will be free of them, but, as I am currently jobless with my bank account already nearly empty, I may to face the real possibility of having to eek out a living without money, maybe as a subsistence farmer with no internet or access to goods I can't make myself.
Does this seem like a double-bind? It is. It is intentional. Because this is what cults do. They make you dependent, then put you in situations you can't win, and where the losing options are all existential.
They may be interested the success of YOUR career, if you are still strong, willing to send over all your private data, and can still be useful to them. But they are not interested in mine, because I am none of these things.
Option #1 feels like I'm back with my abuser in a sick cycle. Option #2 feels like I'm just giving up.
And unlike with my abuser and my cult, there's no "outside society" to flee to anymore. This is it. This IS outside society. This is what we've allowed to happen to everyone.
-
This is all eugenics. Any difficulties you're feeling, any survival pressures, any struggles in your line of work. It is an intentional effort to weed out those who can't keep up. There are fewer jobs; this is by design. And they want only the best people in those jobs, by design. They want everyone else sick, crazy, and eventually (as soon as possible), dead.
These aren't cracks we're falling through – they are holes in a sieve.
And those who pass the filter aren't going to be any better off. So what if you're one of those people who hasn't burnt out (yet)? Once they have extracted your vital essence, you will be tossed aside to die, too.
My problems with LinkedIn today are part of this process. My options are:
1. Continue to fight and make problems with them until they restore my account on a site I don't like or want to use anyway. This will leave me stressed and, at this rate, broken.
2. Give up entirely on LinkedIn and start a *different* long, frustrating campaign to get my account deleted. This, as with my Facebook deletion a couple of years ago, will leave me with a much narrower field of career prospects. I will be free of them, but, as I am currently jobless with my bank account already nearly empty, I may to face the real possibility of having to eek out a living without money, maybe as a subsistence farmer with no internet or access to goods I can't make myself.
Does this seem like a double-bind? It is. It is intentional. Because this is what cults do. They make you dependent, then put you in situations you can't win, and where the losing options are all existential.
They may be interested the success of YOUR career, if you are still strong, willing to send over all your private data, and can still be useful to them. But they are not interested in mine, because I am none of these things.
Option #1 feels like I'm back with my abuser in a sick cycle. Option #2 feels like I'm just giving up.
And unlike with my abuser and my cult, there's no "outside society" to flee to anymore. This is it. This IS outside society. This is what we've allowed to happen to everyone.
-
This is all eugenics. Any difficulties you're feeling, any survival pressures, any struggles in your line of work. It is an intentional effort to weed out those who can't keep up. There are fewer jobs; this is by design. And they want only the best people in those jobs, by design. They want everyone else sick, crazy, and eventually (as soon as possible), dead.
These aren't cracks we're falling through – they are holes in a sieve.
And those who pass the filter aren't going to be any better off. So what if you're one of those people who hasn't burnt out (yet)? Once they have extracted your vital essence, you will be tossed aside to die, too.
My problems with LinkedIn today are part of this process. My options are:
1. Continue to fight and make problems with them until they restore my account on a site I don't like or want to use anyway. This will leave me stressed and, at this rate, broken.
2. Give up entirely on LinkedIn and start a *different* long, frustrating campaign to get my account deleted. This, as with my Facebook deletion a couple of years ago, will leave me with a much narrower field of career prospects. I will be free of them, but, as I am currently jobless with my bank account already nearly empty, I may to face the real possibility of having to eek out a living without money, maybe as a subsistence farmer with no internet or access to goods I can't make myself.
Does this seem like a double-bind? It is. It is intentional. Because this is what cults do. They make you dependent, then put you in situations you can't win, and where the losing options are all existential.
They may be interested the success of YOUR career, if you are still strong, willing to send over all your private data, and can still be useful to them. But they are not interested in mine, because I am none of these things.
Option #1 feels like I'm back with my abuser in a sick cycle. Option #2 feels like I'm just giving up.
And unlike with my abuser and my cult, there's no "outside society" to flee to anymore. This is it. This IS outside society. This is what we've allowed to happen to everyone.
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Christians and defenders of Christianity who haven't thought it through like to point to the New Testament as where God finally decided to be a nice guy. (Which is antisemitic, btw. But that aside.)
Sometimes I revisit various stories from the New Testament and realize what an asshole Jesus was.
Today my feed reminded me of the walking on water story, in which Jesus was particularly dickish. It goes like this:
Jesus sends his pals out in a boat and he's like, "You go on boys I'll catch you up later." And he goes on a mountain to pray for the rest of the day because he's SO HOLY. When he's done, he heads back to the ship, which by now is way out to sea. So he just walks out there as if states of matter are nothing to him.
The dudes on the ship, they're like holy shit boys, there's a ghooost! (idk why but everybody was always mistaking The Christ for a ghost back then.)
Jesus is like "hey guys, lol naw it's just me, walking on water!! Check this out!"
Peter is like "I don't fucking believe you, SCARY GHOST! If it IS you, then tell me to come out there and get you!" (wtf Pete??)
So The Christ is like, "ok bru, come on out here."
Peter is like "boys, hold my beer, don't you go drinking it Judas, it's my last one!" and he jumps out of the boat and is walking on water, just like his buddy Jesus!!
But it's a bit windy and this one huge wave is like "ooooohhh I'm the ghost now! Boo!" and Peter is thinking "Shit this was really stupid, I'm way too drunk for this." So Peter starts sinking, right?
Then Jesus, god what a dick, he goes, "Pete you motherfucker, you didn't have enough faith and now I've got to save your ass AGAIN!" And he saved Peter from drowning, even though this whole thing was a setup from the beginning to make him look like some sort of savior.
And just to prove it, the weather calms right back down when Jesus gets into the boat, and they all has a good laugh.
Just kidding. What really happened is, in fact, everyone started worshiping him then and there with his smug-ass grin.
The version they tell in Sunday school has all of these same beats, but is told in a different tone, where Jesus is awesome and Peter should be ashamed of himself for not believing hard enough that he could only walk *a little way* on stormy water.
That, my friends, is what I call #AbuseCulture and why you should decolonize your mind.
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The scientist in this video, at the end, asks why scientists are so quick to assume animals don't have language, and my immediate answer was, "colonization."
My ancestors knew animals could speak. They used a spiritual model to convey this idea, that animals and humans aren't different, and that everything has a spirit. They told stories about things animals had said to them and others.
This type of religious view is known as "animism," which is shared by many pre-colonized societies, including my own European pre-colonized ancestors.
But both Christian and scientific colonizers labeled these people "primitives" and their ways as "backward." Then they systematically obliterated these cultures wherever they found them until this idea became a religious element, taken on faith, within science.
Strict categorization is a tool of colonizers. These researchers concluded that language exists on a spectrum. Spectrum-thinking is decolonization. As the scientific method decolonizes, the scientific model becomes closer to understanding reality.
And if you want some tears, read some of the animal interaction stories in the comments. I've been learning to talk to animals and it is incredibly rewarding.
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I first got online in 1992. This gives me quite the view of internet history.
When I wonder why there are hardly any successful, popular, creative internet projects anymore, I always circle back around to how much less money there is at the lower tiers of the economy (anything below $1b).
It's always money.
Those without any money are extremely stressed, sick, and/or dying, and don't have time to contribute to projects or explore the work of others.
Those with jobs are working more hours to make ends meet, and have less time to spend on exploring other people's projects or making their own.
Those with small investment capital at the low-end are far more rare than they were. The filtering process for investing big is warped into being all about whatever the hype trend of the day is, which is always a finely honed grift.
In 1997, when I was just starting my tech career, poor single parent, my rent was $500/mo. Even as a single parent of a special needs child, I could make rent on my $7/hr. I had enough breathing room to chase the next thing online, which was always free of cost and almost always just some website made by some guy in Notepad. I could make my own little website or server that did this or that on old hardware that was cheap or free.
In spite of the spell Facebook has cast on the population, there are still plenty of people with ideas and willingness to make and use cool new things, and old unenshittiified technology to built it on. There is, in fact, a thriving indieweb out there that I have not had energy to explore.
I've got plenty of my own ideas, too, really cool things I want to contribute. But you know what I'm doing instead? I'm using my last sick, exhausted breath looking for freelance editing work from a pool of other writers who are just as broke as me.
Money equals time. It all comes down to a lack of money circulating at our layer of economy.
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Full circle, the extension of the "There have always been things in the world that we don't understand" deflection, from someone like him is, "And I am here to make you understand. I am the exclusive holder of the secret truths (*whispers*...which is that UFOs are demons)."
That's where it gets weaponized; that's the gateway for those in the middle, where people like Vance and these other guys get to have it both ways.
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@canadaduane It doesn't really take a great approach though. God inflicts the suffering, suffering and obedience in this life are the answer to ending suffering after *death*, and suffering is the central sacrament.
Buddhism says suffering is an unfortunate but unavoidable fact, suffering isn't the same thing as pain, and that suffering comes from attachment. This gives us some answers for reducing suffering for ourselves and others.
Christianity (via Mormonism)
never taught me *how* to be companionate. In fact, its examples of how to be compassionate were actually just lessons on how to be sales force for the church. So it centered the goal of ending of suffering around getting people into the religion that worships suffering.My first inklings of *how* to feel compassion came from a single Buddhist meditation where he walked me through finding a helpless animal in an alley way and caring for it. It centered care, not suffering. I don't see a lot of Buddhists actually seeking out suffering or telling people they deserve it. They know it's already there, and move on to better pursuits.
I've learned more about how to be a healer from a couple of hours per year of listening to Buddhists than I learned in 20+ years of 20+ hours a week I gave to that church.
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RE: https://mastodon.social/@ChrisJagged/116346728020760075
Not only that, but historically, abuse culture will promote assholes to top scholar positions who will then write the history books. Just as we all were raised, in the future everyone will be tricked into singing their praises.
Unless we do something to change this dynamic.
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CW: US Pol: Stone Age
@futurebird Might Makes Right is the core principle of authoritarianism. For those who have succeeded through life by intimidating, manipulating, and coercing others, this is their tested method of getting their way, so they feel justified in taking this position because they think it will always work to make them top dog in their little world adjacent to their ideological allies.
But even towards their ends, from a completely selfish standpoint, this worldview holds a fatal flaw.
If you allow that you can take from others by force and manipulation, then you allow that you can be taken from by the same means. Maybe you *think* no one can take from you, but nowhere in any place in history or nature, has any one strategy been completely undefeatable.
There is always a way around any fortress wall. There is always some weakness in the greatest military. Even the best liars can be out-lied. This is the fundamental flaw of an abuse mindset. You have set up the rules such that you are fair game, and someone WILL take what you have eventually. No matter how much you bluster, you can never sleep easy, because deep down you know this.
The only sure strategy for winning safety and success is an even playing field, where the rules apply the same to protect all, where all interests of all people are shared, where all succeed or fail together.
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Christianity primed white people to feel guilty when certain Pavlovian bells ring.
Accused? Wrongdoing even subtly implied? Guilt! Shame!
Then, if it's a respected authority doing the implying (be it parent or priest), we're primed to submit.
If we don't respect the authority of the "accuser," well, were primed to see them as the enemy in the all-or-nothing good vs evil war. "My authorities haven't called that a sin so who is this person anyway??" And we lash out. At women, POC, queers, disabled, and often, even ourselves.
What, you're white but never were Christian? Sorry, but you were programmed this way, too. (If you feel mad at me, that's the programming.)
Christianity's way out from guilt and shame is impossible. It doesn't work. It's designed to make you feel forever ashamed and in debt to Jesus — or rather, the religious authorities who represent him. That's how they get you.
We aren't allowed to emotionally mature to know how to handle our own feelings when we've done wrong. We're forever dependent children on the religion. We go to confession, do the penitence, feel a few days of relief, then go back to feeling guilty. No matter how well-meaning any particular clergy, this is by design.
Now suddenly here's these people I don't respect out of unexamined implicit bias dumping more crap on me.
Aren't I bad enough? Haven't I submitted enough? What am I supposed to do about it?
I'm hamstringed. My white brain has been lobotomized wrt how to handle this. But also, I've been told by trusted authorities that I'm not a racist, so I'm not!!! Out comes the Karen.
Colonialism=Christianity=Corporatism
It's all the same system.
Freeing ourselves from this system means freeing those whose oppression we enable.
Because it's all the same thing.
#AbuseCulture #ReligiousTrauma #exmo #exmormon #exvie #exvangelical #antiracism #antifa
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A LOT of the times that people treated me like I was crazy was when I resisted oppression they had normalised. They saw me "making a fuss" about "nothing" and punished me with everything from judgemental looks to death threats. Often, I couldn't articulate why I was acting out. No one would have listened anyway.
But looking back, it's just so clear that in this society, and in my family, having instinctual reactions against things that feel off, that feel oppressive or that violate boundaries, was considered crazy and was punished.
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A characteristic of abuse that I want to see more emphasised is the abuser's feeling of being entitled to dish out consequences (punishment) to others.
I say this because sometimes lists of red flags or abuser characteristics or descriptions of abusive personality traits either leave it out or throw it in as a side sentence, easily overlooked.
But that's where the line of abuse is!
Being triggered by someone wearing a green shirt? Not abusive!
Yelling at someone for wearing a green shirt? Overstepping and can be part of a pattern of abuse!Believing that God put you on earth to teach heathens the gospel of bruschetta brunch? Not abusive!
Taking people's phones away until they learn and recite your favourite bruschetta recipe? Abusive!Or, for a less absurd example:
Being triggered when your child doesn't obey because you have trauma around that and your nervous system turns on the alarm sirens? Not abusive!
Making your child feel guilty for not obeying or for triggering you? Abusive!🧵
#abuse #AbuseCulture #RedFags #entitlement #MentalHealth #MentaIlness
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A characteristic of abuse that I want to see more emphasised is the abuser's feeling of being entitled to dish out consequences (punishment) to others.
I say this because sometimes lists of red flags or abuser characteristics or descriptions of abusive personality traits either leave it out or throw it in as a side sentence, easily overlooked.
But that's where the line of abuse is!
Being triggered by someone wearing a green shirt? Not abusive!
Yelling at someone for wearing a green shirt? Overstepping and can be part of a pattern of abuse!Believing that God put you on earth to teach heathens the gospel of bruschetta brunch? Not abusive!
Taking people's phones away until they learn and recite your favourite bruschetta recipe? Abusive!Or, for a less absurd example:
Being triggered when your child doesn't obey because you have trauma around that and your nervous system turns on the alarm sirens? Not abusive!
Making your child feel guilty for not obeying or for triggering you? Abusive!🧵
#abuse #AbuseCulture #RedFags #entitlement #MentalHealth #MentaIlness
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Trauma therapy that doesn't actively fight economic injustice and poverty and its causes, sucks and is useless and ends up doing more harm in the form of subtle victim blaming and reinforcing toxic (capitalist) messages.
Poverty causes dissociation. If you're poor, you have to constantly endure discomfort and unpleasant physical and sensory input.
You have to sit on chairs that hurt your butt and back. You have to sleep on cheap foam mattresses that do the same. Your walls are thin and you hear your neighbours and have to walk on eggshells to avoid getting in trouble. You have to eat and drink the cheap stuff that just doesn't taste as good and doesn't satisfy your true needs. Your clothes are ill fitting, give you gender dysphoria and you probably don't even have a sense of what a pleasant texture would be for you because you could never make that a factor. Household chores are all on hard mode because you don't have the fancy appliances that could help. You probably have to cope with disabilities that go unaddressed and unaccomodated. If you have work, it's probably of the back breaking kind. You're much more likely to breathe polluted air and drink polluted water.
I could go on. The point being, these things are all obvious and anyone who knows anything about trauma, dissociation and grounding can understand how they'd make people dissociate. They cause a background level of dissociation that is hard to overcome as long as the causes are still in place - and arguably not desirable to overcome.
But that same dissociation also makes any other therapeutic intervention or healing approach that much less effective.
Poverty is violence. Poverty is trauma. Poverty is injustice. Healing trauma means fighting the injustice and indignity of poverty. ✊
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I should add:
6. You're allowed to distrust anyone, for any reason, and you don't have to justify it. Even people you're close to.
If someone says "You don't trust me!" as an accusation, the best thing you can do is say, "Yeah, I don't trust you, not in this. If you want me to trust you, you'll have to earn it."
Lack of trust is not YOUR moral failing. If anyone has failed morally, it's the person you don't trust... maybe they really do deserve your trust, but don't ever just give it over if your instincts tell you otherwise... even if your instincts turn out to be wrong.
If they really are trustworthy (and not just trying to manipulate you), and if the relationship is worth it to them, they will meet you where you are.
And if they can't or won't? That's ok too. Not everybody has to like you.
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These thoughts are inspired by this guy on an old season of Project Runway, who started off giving red flags because he was badmouthing the other contestants. But he grew over the course of the show.
And I still don't like him.
He defied his initial red flags and is not an abuser at his core. He's learned some humility, empathy, and is going on to be a better person. Probably even a good person.
But I still don't like him.
And I don't have to like him.
He's got other people who do like him.
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A few lessons I learned from age and hard experience:
1. You are allowed to be offended.
2. You don't have to like everybody.
3. Not everybody has to like you.
4. Just because you dislike someone doesn't mean they're a bad person.
5. Just because someone doesn't like you doesn't mean you're a bad person.I lost too much of myself from having been conditioned otherwise. The opposite of these beliefs once had me upholding and enabling #AbuseCulture. I let myself be abused and let others be abused by contorting myself to impossible contradictions. They came with shame that falls away every time I learn some new aspect of these lessons.
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CW: SA, harsh irreverent mockery of predators
Predators think they're demonstrating their power when they prey on the vulnerable: little girls, neurodivergents, the disabled, the poor, generations of conditioned Christian women.
That doesn't seem very tough! Any of us could lord over a defenseless child if we were pathetic enough to want to!
If they were really powerful, they'd take on military sergeants, CEOs, drug lords. Go out there and groom a Catholic Cardinal into giving you head and then I'll be impressed. Try to pull that on any ranking member of MS13! See if you can bully Putin or Bill Gates onto your island and prove you're a REAL man!
Wait, you don't have your island yet?? Why not, you broken little action figure? Haven't gotten yours from Musk yet because he's too busy trying to dominate the weakest possible beings to take your calls?? Maybe he should check your house!
What a bunch of licked soggy cupcakes.
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The saying "cheaters never prosper" was written by cheaters who propsered.
This is the essence of abuse culture theory.
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CW: SA within cult contexts, Epstein, Rome
Further, I recently watched bible scholar Dan McClellan talk about homosexuality in biblical times. It' a subject I have seen him and others talk about before, and I've read about it. (But I am not an expert on ancient history – I'm just repeating.)
Fact: In Roman society and before, when Leviticus was being written, they didn't have any concept of "sexual orientation" the way we do today. They didn't have the concept of consent. They centered sexual mores around the hierarchy of power. Anyone up on the chain was expected to take the penetrative role; anyone below them was expected to take the receptive role. Anyone who violated these hierarchies was sexually immoral.
Free men with status? Top of the chain. Boys or men of low status? Below that. Women, at the very, very bottom, always. The sin was in penetrating someone who was supposed to, themselves, be in the penetrative role.
The Sodom and Gomorrah story was about a people who had been taught to care for strangers who instead wanted to rape a (male) guest to death. Which violated two mores: Hospitality and the chain of status wrt to the penetrative role. That's why it was perfectly ok for Lot to offer his daughters, and why the gang didn't want *girls*. They wanted to demonstrate their power by taking on men of station.
What does this mean in this context? It means that sexual domination has long been a part of how power works in human civilizations, at least in these cultures that descend from that place in those times.
We, here today, with our consent norms and our idea of love and equality in relationships, we're the odd ones. We've bucked the norms. (A tremendous accomplishment that took thousands of years.) And those norms *still exist.* They exist within toxic masculinity, pro-patriarchy religions, and abusive relationships.
It is hard for me to believe that the Epstein Class of today is somehow worse than the Fat Cats of the 1920s, or the aristocracy of the Renaissance, or the lords and monks of the Middle Ages.
We're really not that far descended from Rome. The path to liberation has been carved against these longstanding traditions.
We have only to look at the world billionaires are trying to create, to see what their values and expectations are.
And why they admire Rome so much.
🧵
#ReligiousTrauma
#exmo
#exmormon
#PTSD
#cults
#exvie
#exvangelical
#abuseCulture
#SexualAssault -
CW: SA within cult contexts, Epstein
I've recently commented on Epstein probably not being the first of his kind, that his market for sex victims already existed, and that the sexual abuse of minors and the marginalized as a recreational activity for the rich and powerful likely goes way, way back. And I got a little bit of pushback.
But this is my world, this cult stuff. And if this has been going on in new sex cults like NXIVM, and secretly in old established religions like Catholicism, in Mormonism, in evangelicalism (it is), the why the hell wouldn't the richest, most powerful people in the world have done this going back across time?
Why are we holding dead billionaires to an idealized image? Why are we defending them? Why are we *still* bending over backwards to suspend disbelief that the worst people in the world in every other regard are somehow pure when it comes to sexual abuse?
🧵
#ReligiousTrauma
#exmo
#exmormon
#PTSD
#cults
#exvie
#exvangelical #AbuseCulture #SexualAssault -
CW: SA within cult contexts, kink
New paper on sexual conditioning within cults just dropped. This article sums up the paper for a lay audience.
https://icsatoday.substack.com/p/dominance-and-submission-the-psychosexual
I am so relieved that highly respected cult researchers are finally backing up conclusions I suspected early in my own research:
- C-PTSD isn't just about trauma, it's about conditioned reactions and beliefs.
- Oppressive high-demand religious institutions condition followers to accept sexual abuse, or be the one to dish it out.
- Religious control of sexual bodies doesn't just prime one for abuse. It is itself a form of sexual abuse. It is at least as bad to manipulate a person into having children she doesn't want as it is to traditionally abuse her.
- What I say next may be controversial, but this research implies it, and I've suspected this since I joined the kink scene of my own free will first thing after leaving Mormonism: Sexual submissiveness can be a result of being reared in a high-demand religious environment, even if as adults we joyously consent as bottoms outside of the original religious framework. (I also think Dom/sub alignment is partly biological.)
Excerpts:
"This article is foundational because it frames sexual exploitation as structurally embedded in coercive systems, not merely the misconduct of individual leaders."
...
"Cult leaders quickly recognize that controlling the sexual and intimate lives of their followers provides a massive source of power. In Lalich’s analysis, sexual domination is not merely one abuse among many — it is the final stage of objectification within an authoritarian system.
"This exploitation ranges from strict rules regarding marriage and procreation to more overt abuses like arranged marriages and forced sexual activity. By controlling the most intimate aspects of life, the leader ensures there is no private sphere beyond his reach."
...
"One of Lalich’s most important contributions is her direct challenge to the notion of consent within cult environments. Because cults are structured around extreme power imbalances, genuine consent cannot exist. Members are conditioned through fear of expulsion, spiritual threats, peer pressure, and dependency on the leader for identity and belonging."
...“Because of the power imbalance between leader and followers, sexual contact is never truly consensual and is likely to have damaging consequences for the follower.”
...
"Shame, guilt, and self-blame persist long after exit. The leader’s ideology continues to shape the survivor’s internal narrative. Recovery therefore requires dismantling both the sexual trauma and the ideological manipulation that sustained it."
...
"At one post-cult recovery workshop, 40% of women present reported having been sexually abused in their cult (p. 7). Lalich suggests this number likely underestimates the true prevalence based on her own clinical observations. The silence surrounding sexual exploitation, she argues, is itself part of the problem."
–
I believe this is true even in (especially in) sex-negative environments. We pointed this out in the book I just wrote. If sex is shrouded in secrecy and shame, victims are unable to understand what they are going through, and unable to report it.🧵 ?
#ReligiousTrauma #exmo #exmormon #PTSD #cults #exvie #exvangelical #abuseCulture #SexualAssault
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Even in interpersonal stuff. Like in competition reality shows, two people on the same team will start bickering. "Well you need to pay more attention." "Oh yeah? Well you need to stop yelling at me."
Ok yeah. You definitely need to stop yelling, and the other one needs pay more attention.
FFS it isn't hard. Both-and this shit. Very few things in reality are mutually exclusive.
90% of kneejerk bigotry comes from an inability to hold true to one's feelings while attempting to understand another's.
YES, I didn't mean to be racist AND I was. So if I didn't mean it, I'll yes-and hear you out so I know how to not do it again instead of having a no-but argument.
Simple, basic, emotionally mature adult shit.
🧵
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The one conditioned manipulation trick I would change if I had a genie wish would be to remove "No but" thinking from every single person's head in the world, and replace with the ability to "Yes and." Like, take it all in. All of it, even the contradictory shit.
All of it is true and the answers are to be found not on either far side of the swing, but in *between* the contradictions.
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CW: Kubrick, Epstein, history, billionaires, SA
I have very strong opinions on this topic as a researcher of power, abuse, cults, mass manipulation, for over twenty years.
This Epstein stuff is a culmination for me. It connects the dots of very real patterns I've both experienced and studied from afar.
But I'm also feeling defensive to talk about the idea that this is nothing new. Because last time it was in the context of "Was Kubrick trying to tell us something in Eyes Wide Shut and The Shining" and I got "don't be a whackjob conspiracy theorist" pushback.
Like, have you SEEN Eyes Wide Shut? That's a movie that makes no secret what it's about. (I'm planning to rewatch it soon.)
It's more implausible to think that Kubrick and the author of the original book entirely made up a world that was fiction in the 90s that just — whoops — happened to suddenly be true after Epstein got caught.
I don't think this discussion pushes all that far into the flimsy speculation category. It's a solid speculation.
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Digging in to Season 3 of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, and I've got to say, most of these women are extremely capable of growth, and it shows.
It's been good practice for me to test my ability to spot red flags of people who are genuinely toxic, and probably always will be, vs. those who are just mimicking unhealthy behavior they learned within a toxic culture.
And when people do change, seeing if it sticks or if they're just manipulating people.
And I'm watching passive women conditioned to capitulate and defend bad behavior eventually come into their power.
I'm really proud of most of these kids as they come into their own. I'm cheering them on. Yes, even *that one,* who is maybe(?) starting to show some glimmers of self-awareness and being genuine.
These are the kinds of cultural forces swiftly changing LDS culture, and why I say Therapy Culture is the biggest secret threat to the institutional abuse culture within religious authoritarianism and fascism.
Though it often makes me uncomfortable, I unironically love this show.
🧵
#RealityTV #SecretLivesOfMormonWives #MomTok #RVLife #exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #AbuseCulture
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For those who say “Not All Men”
All Men Know what Men are like.
https://youtube.com/shorts/m9lVqmFR1gU
#men #patriarchy #abuseCulture #RapeCulture #NotAllMen #yesAllMen
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A.R. is dropping some deep wisdom about what I call Abuse Culture. Fascism is peak abuse culture, but it exists in non- or proto-fascist ways, which is why I made an umbrella category.
Because abuser mindsets are counterintuitive to non-abusers. We can't accurately empathize or extrospect with their values. They make no sense (to us). We walk along in our innocence, projecting our reasoning, our feelings, our thought processes on people who aren't even living in the same universe. Because of our ignorance, we allow them to shape *us*, turning us all into their enablers.
A.R. is getting to the meat of that mindset. Reality, to them, is something that a dominant person creates through manipulation and force. They are storytellers who craft the nature of all of existence for everyone else within their influence, by creating the filters of our worldview. They exist outside of fascism, but fascism (or authoritarian systems by other names) is their final form. But they've always been there, even in democracy, pulling our strings, and laughing all the way to the bank.
#AbuseCulture #WhitenessIsACult https://fed.brid.gy/r/https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:tzy4hibtkautrntsz5f3ns37/post/3maj226t4p22f