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Geezer Guide to Heatwaves in England ☀️🍻👊🏴
Okay, we don’t get much sun in England. From October to May it’s cold, rainy, and/or overcast most of the time (and that’s how we like it). Then, suddenly, the heat kicks in and we’ve got a summer.
That lasts from around mid-June to late September with military precision.
And it’s fair to say many Brits aren’t all prepared for the sudden onset of heat, lose their shit a bit, embarrass themselves, and turn the nation into a part-time Barbados experience. Slap on the suntan lotion, this is how it does down.
🌞 How to Participate in a British Heatwave 🌞
It’s essential you realise the British heatwave constitutes about 31°C (87.8°F), which for other areas of the world may seem pathetic. Americans, for instance, will think that’s ridiculous. And it probably is. However, and indubitably, the British heatwave at once represents a:
- Holiday whilst at home (staycation)
- Full blown national crisis
- Cultural phenomenon
All-in-one! Thus, society grinds to a halt (buses, trains etc. stop working), people get hot and sweaty, but also it’s a time for celebration because it’s dead hot and that’s like being in Ibiza, mate.
Geezerdom: Homo Britannicus Scorchio
There’s a specific subsect of the British male known as geezers whom enjoy drinking beer, watching football, and reading the tabloids. Whilst classed as geezers, the official Latin term is Homo Britannicus Scorchio. During any heatwave, they’re heavily sunburned and half drunk.
To fit in with the these geezers, there are five core steps you must follow:
- Be utterly delusional and detached in your sense of self
- No matter where you are, rip your top off at the slightest hint of sunshine
- Combine with flip-flops for the ultimate experience
- Don’t bother with suntan lotion, that’s woke
- Sunburn is incredibly attractive, so get it and then hit on hot birds
- Bellow annoying Oasis songs (mainly Wonderwall) in a blokey voice
Starting a fight with anyone and everyone is also a splendid way of adopting our welcoming British geezer customs.
How to Approach Your British Shopping Experience in a Tesco During a Heatwave
A massive part of the British heatwave experience is heading into Tesco (a supermarket chain here) with your top off whilst reeking of body odour.
Once it gets hot, Homo Britannicus Scorchio congregate at Tesco in droves.
You’ll meet many of them called Bozzer (sometimes Bazza) wandering around the frozen peas aisle. They’re looking for the beer aisle, but are now hopelessly lost, and it’s only a matter of time before they start getting angry. Keep your distance and hope for the best.
Keep an eye out for stap sunburn marks on these individuals, indicating clearly where there vest and/or bag has been hugging their figure. Whilst still convinced they’re incredibly attractive to members of the opposite sex, they’ll also going around muttering the immortal line:
“Hot one out there today, innit mate?”
To note, other Brits will loiter on the refrigerator aisles as we don’t have air conditioning fitted in our homes. Why? As the cost is pointless when it’s cold for eight months of the year. Even though our homes are designed to keep heat in.
It’s Also the Collapse of Civilisation
Embrace the chaos. Hot weather means public transport grinds to a halt, with privatised British rail services built for 10 degree drizzly days.
Train lines will buckle, everything will break, and you’ll need to use a replacement bus service to get to and from work.
Complementing this disaster? Brits complaining about how hot it is, when for the rest of the year they’ve complained about it not being sunny.
Also, please note, the replacement bus service will be packed with Homo Britannicus Scorchio in a general state of disarray. Rather than use critical thinking to identify they’re to blame for all this (as they voted for Thatcher’s privatisation policies), they’ll huff and wheeze about how immigrants and The Woke Mob have ruined society.
Within 24 hours, at least 70% of them will be admitted to hospital for heatstroke.
#complaining #England #heat #Heatwave #heatwaves #Humor #Humour #Lifestyle #Satire #satirical #Silly #socialCommentary #Summer -
Geezer Guide to Heatwaves in England ☀️🍻👊🏴
Okay, we don’t get much sun in England. From October to May it’s cold, rainy, and/or overcast most of the time (and that’s how we like it). Then, suddenly, the heat kicks in and we’ve got a summer.
That lasts from around mid-June to late September with military precision.
And it’s fair to say many Brits aren’t all prepared for the sudden onset of heat, lost their shit a bit, embarrass themselves, and turn the nation into a part-time Barbados experience. Slap on the suntan lotion, this is how it does down.
🌞 How to Participate in a British Heatwave 🌞
It’s essential you realise the British heatwave constitutes about 31°C (87.8°F), which for other areas of the world may seem pathetic. Americans, for instance, will think that’s ridiculous. And it probably is. However, and indubitably, the British heatwave at once represents a:
- Holiday whilst at home (staycation)
- Full blown national crisis
- Cultural phenomenon
All-in-one! Thus, society grinds to a halt (buses, trains etc. stop working), people get hot and sweaty, but also it’s a time for celebration because it’s dead hot and that’s like being in Ibiza, mate.
Geezerdom: Homo Britannicus Scorchio
There’s a specific subsect of the British male known as geezers whom enjoy drinking beer, watching football, and reading the tabloids. Whilst classed as geezers, the official Latin term is Homo Britannicus Scorchio. During any heatwave, they’re heavily sunburned and half drunk.
To fit in with the these geezers, there are five core steps you must follow:
- Be utterly delusional and detached in your sense of self
- No matter where you are, rip your top off at the slightest hint of sunshine
- Combine with flip-flops for the ultimate experience
- Don’t bother with suntan lotion, that’s woke
- Sunburn is incredibly attractive, so get it and then hit on hot birds
- Bellow annoying Oasis songs (mainly Wonderwall) in a blokey voice
Starting a fight with anyone and everyone is also a splendid way of adopting our welcoming British geezer customs.
How to Approach Your British Shopping Experience in a Tesco During a Heatwave
A massive part of the British heatwave experience is heading into Tesco (a supermarket chain here) with your top off whilst reeking of body odour.
Once it gets hot, Homo Britannicus Scorchio congregate at Tesco in droves.
You’ll meet many of them called Bozzer (sometimes Bazza) wandering around the frozen peas aisle. They’re looking for the beer aisle, but are now hopelessly lost, and it’s only a matter of time before they start getting angry. Keep your distance and hope for the best.
Keep an eye out for stap sunburn marks on these individuals, indicating clearly where there vest and/or bag has been hugging their figure. Whilst still convinced they’re incredibly attractive to members of the opposite sex, they’ll also going around muttering the immortal line:
“Hot one out there today, innit mate?”
To note, other Brits will loiter on the refrigerator aisles as we don’t have air conditioning fitted in our homes. Why? As the cost is pointless when it’s cold for eight months of the year. Even though our homes are designed to keep heat in.
It’s Also the Collapse of Civilisation
Embrace the chaos. Hot weather means public transport grinds to a halt, with privatised British rail services built for 10 degree drizzly days.
Train lines will buckle, everything will break, and you’ll need to use a replacement bus service to get to and from work.
Complementing this disaster? Brits complaining about how hot it is, when for the rest of the year they’ve complained about it not being sunny.
Also, please note, the replacement bus service will be packed with Homo Britannicus Scorchio in a general state of disarray. Rather than use critical thinking to identify they’re to blame for all this (as they voted for Thatcher’s privatisation policies), they’ll huff and wheeze about how immigrants and The Woke Mob have ruined society.
Within 24 hours, at least 70% of them will be admitted to hospital for heatstroke.
#complaining #England #heat #Heatwave #heatwaves #Humor #Humour #Lifestyle #Satire #satirical #Silly #socialCommentary #Summer -
Geezer Butler started out with a antique Fender Precision Bass, stripping away conference to create a completely unique and thunderous tone on Black Sabbath’s early albums.
#GeezerButler #bass #bass #guitar #wolink #musicalinstrumenthub
https://www.musicalinstrumenthub.com/archives/30927 -
My vision has been especially blurry and full of floaters for the last couple days. I keep rubbing my eyes as if that will make it better... #Geezer
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My vision has been especially blurry and full of floaters for the last couple days. I keep rubbing my eyes as if that will make it better... #Geezer
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@NanoRaptor My first apple ][+ had a cassette drive before adding floppies. 😭 #Geezer
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@NanoRaptor My first apple ][+ had a cassette drive before adding floppies. 😭 #Geezer
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We are Abhorrence.
And by we I mean me, for now.
Trying to keep this as the only social media platform for the band. Mostly run by the vocalist Jukka, again, for now.Feel free to ask anything related to the band. I'll answer anything I want, at which point all opinions are personal and reflect the sarcasm or deliberate confusion deemed appropriate at that precise moment.
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We are Abhorrence.
And by we I mean me, for now.
Trying to keep this as the only social media platform for the band. Mostly run by the vocalist Jukka, again, for now.Feel free to ask anything related to the band. I'll answer anything I want, at which point all opinions are personal and reflect the sarcasm or deliberate confusion deemed appropriate at that precise moment.
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GEEZERS in FREEZERS in Tomb Raider 2 Lara's Home!
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GEEZERS in FREEZERS in Tomb Raider 2 Lara's Home!
https://tube.fediverse.games/videos/watch/746a5415-d12c-44d3-a9fa-cfff0800aa24
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GEEZERS in FREEZERS in Tomb Raider 2 Lara's Home!
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GEEZERS in FREEZERS in Tomb Raider 2 Lara's Home!
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GEEZERS in FREEZERS in Tomb Raider 2 Lara's Home!
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I'm in my 2nd day of a brain fart that...like the air they pump in you to do abdominal surgery...is taking its sweet time to resolve itself.
So please help me with what I should remember: what is the name of the scientific society that was founded by Latinx and Indigenous scientists but is open to others? I like the work they do and if I can't remember the acronym, I can't even find them in my bookmarks. #Geezer
EDIT: I kept almost getting it, almost getting it. https://www.sacnas.org/
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I'm in my 2nd day of a brain fart that...like the air they pump in you to do abdominal surgery...is taking its sweet time to resolve itself.
So please help me with what I should remember: what is the name of the scientific society that was founded by Latinx and Indigenous scientists but is open to others? I like the work they do and if I can't remember the acronym, I can't even find them in my bookmarks. #Geezer
EDIT: I kept almost getting it, almost getting it. https://www.sacnas.org/
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@willowpillow That gives me some flashbacks. The first time I tried to compile gentoo, it was on a Pentium2. The first emerge took about 2 1/2 days. Then I realized I hadn't emerged openoffice yet.....
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@willowpillow That gives me some flashbacks. The first time I tried to compile gentoo, it was on a Pentium2. The first emerge took about 2 1/2 days. Then I realized I hadn't emerged openoffice yet.....
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#TheMetalDogArticleList
#MetalInjection
ZAKK SABBATH To Cover BLACK SABBATH's Paranoid & Master Of Reality On New Double Album
It's coming on March 1.#ZakkSabbath #BlackSabbath #Paranoid #MasterOfReality #DoubleAlbum #AlbumRelease #HeavyMetal #OzzyOsbourne #TonyIommi #GeezerButler
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Shoes have really progressed from the Velcro straps shoes and I’m mighty pleased about it. #Geezer
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I went on a Friday night shopping trip to pick up a few things, been doing that every 2-3 weeks lately. "A few things" sure has gotten expensive. Over $100 and I could carry it all in from the car in 2 trips.
Why, I remember when bread was a nickel!
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I went on a Friday night shopping trip to pick up a few things, been doing that every 2-3 weeks lately. "A few things" sure has gotten expensive. Over $100 and I could carry it all in from the car in 2 trips.
Why, I remember when bread was a nickel!
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Geezer 2 friday progress: letterer Jane Heir is on her break. fill in your own dialogue.
TWO WEEKS TO GO. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/offregisterpress/geezer-2
#comics #kickstarter #geezer -
Geezer#2 page 14 progress. Geezer singer Martin and drummer Jess. I was rather pleased with Martin's hand in particular. Bottle label and Jess' '93 contemporary tshirt design to come - any suggestions, comics Mastodon?
PS GEEZER KICKSTARTER!!
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/offregisterpress/geezer-2
