#fuckmylife — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #fuckmylife, aggregated by home.social.
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SOS my lovers.... Your girl needs HELP!!!! this was under my car today 😰😰😰😰🤢🤢🤢🤢 I don't get paid for 2 weeks 😰😰😰😰😰
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SOS my lovers.... Your girl needs HELP!!!! this was under my car today 😰😰😰😰🤢🤢🤢🤢 I don't get paid for 2 weeks 😰😰😰😰😰
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SOS my lovers.... Your girl needs HELP!!!! this was under my car today 😰😰😰😰🤢🤢🤢🤢 I don't get paid for 2 weeks 😰😰😰😰😰
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In the end I #voted. Despite no party or independent candidate caring about the things I care most deeply about.
#Farage was a friend of #Trump. Apparently he is distancing himself from him. But maybe that's just more political disingenuousness.
So I voted for #PlaidCymru, because that's the other popular party in #Wales, trying to take votes away from #ReformUK
It's so hard to tell who people really are, especially if you're #ActuallyAutistic. *sigh*
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In the end I #voted. Despite no party or independent candidate caring about the things I care most deeply about.
#Farage was a friend of #Trump. Apparently he is distancing himself from him. But maybe that's just more political disingenuousness.
So I voted for #PlaidCymru, because that's the other popular party in #Wales, trying to take votes away from #ReformUK
It's so hard to tell who people really are, especially if you're #ActuallyAutistic. *sigh*
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As part of my day job, I sometimes have to price server systems for our customers. And I just saw that the purchase price for 16 GB DDR5 RAM is at €1600.
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Depression spiral? You mean a rear flank downdraft leading to the formation of a tornado? And now I'm reading about tornadoes which I am slightly genuinely terrified of because somehow that's less awful than the existential dread and anxiety in my head.
I actually had a relatively good day yesterday; I have no idea why today is so mentally shitty. Except "what goes up must come down."
I did have an absolute shit night of sleep last night; at least four completely fucking random and awful dreams that I can remember but of course The Bitch had to be in ONE of them and of course she was playing innocent, clueless, and/or the victim. So it wasn't enough that I didn't get any decent rest, I've been Emotionally Disturbed and thinking about THEM all day.
…….. I really don't have the energy to go into all that.
It really fucking sucks that my only alone & undisturbed time at home where I could play music or even write without feeling emotionally repressed is Sunday morning, but Sunday morning is also perfect nap time in preparation for Monday, ESPECIALLY when I slept like shit anyway.
Speaking of shit, fuck Richard Siken, when I was seeking advice for how to safely dig into emotions and trauma in order to write about them when it sends me into a near goddamn suicidal spiral every time and I have to HIDE IT from the people I live with because they don't UNDERSTAND, and he said, "If you think you need to be safe in order to write then you should be in a hospital. Mental or otherwise." Fucking douchebag.
So yea I don't nap but I don't actually write either then everyone is home again and the whole day is a fucking waste and tomorrow is Monday again already. Fuck fuck fuck.
I would just like a certified, qualified medical professional to look me in the eyes (not really, but) and tell me even though my job doesn't require heavy physical exertion, it's relatively low stress and low pressure, and it's even relatively "easy" and well within my "intellectual" / work skill set… … It's perfectly reasonable and not a FAILURE for me to be completely exhausted and feel like a 40 hr work week is utter hell because of the way my brain is wired. (I'm so grateful for my job. It's so much better than most I've had. So WHY is it still so fucking DRAINING.)
Unrelated. Ahem. Everyone wants to be "an old woman who doesn't give a fuck" but have you ever been AROUND a middle aged woman who won't stop yapping and lacks ALL self-awareness about it? She's definitely neurotypical. And she's perfectly nice. But my god, it makes me even more self-conscious about inflicting myself on people. And that's not even starting about the actually nasty old bitches. The ones who want to hurt you and know they can get away with it BECAUSE THEY'RE OLD. "Oh, that's just the way they are." Really? So many decades of existence and they still haven't learned manners or kindness??
Sometimes I wish the stupid neurotypical meme advice worked. "You just gotta --- ! Trust me! It gets better!" Ok, maybe for you… (sigh)
I can do all of the inner work and healing and growth in the world but until I actually get to PRACTICE with PEOPLE and PEERS it's all theoretical and not actually… you know, applied and proven. I'm so fucking alone and lonely.
I guess I'll shut up now.
No, I lied: one more thing. It's not that I necessarily mind "aging" and "looking older," especially in the recently revealed context of how my generation's attitude re: our own appearance was manipulated by pedophiles… but goddammit, I haven't actually LIVED enough to be doing any aging! I haven't DONE anything to EARN or DESERVE wrinkles!! Fucking hell, time is passing and I'm just rotting away without any of the EXPERIENCES to make the decay worthwhile. I don't need to rewind, but can we at least hit PAUSE for a few years until I can get the hell out of Dodge and actually start living and loving?
#autism #adhd #audhd #mental-health #depression #anxiety #tornado-alley #isolation #RSD #cptsd #fuck-my-life #so-tired #when-does-the-drudgery-end -
How my morning is going.
Get up and start work a little earlier as my mum needed me to take her to an appt at 11am for some vaccination thing. Reschedule a meeting for 2:30pm.
Have her tell me that it's actually at 3:20pm and not 11am after all... and she thinks it's funny that she read the date of the 11th as the time.
Told her I can't take her as I'm in a meeting that was rescheduled to fit her appt into my day.
Now I'm the villain because she needs to arrange a taxi each way.
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OK... it's official, I'm an idiot.
No... not an idiot... a complete fucking dumbarse.
So this morning, I was cleaning up as the plasterer is coming in to skim the wall that's been causing me problems.
I went to wash the wall down with sugar soap so that it's clean to be treated with the bonding agent before skimming.
When I realised... that the stuff I used to wash the wall down before painting... wasn't in fact sugar soap.
It was wallpaper stripper. 🤦
How do I know... because I found 2 bottles and couldn't remember which was which, one was empty and the other a third filled with an orange tinted liquid.
So I emptied one out and refilled with sugar soap... and it's a different colour.... it's green tinted.
Now I'm no expert on chemical reactions, but using a liquid designed to penetrate wallpaper and dissolve the adhesive... might possibly have soaked into the plaster around the thinner edges and caused it to start lifting as I applied the paint. It could also have got under the old paint where sanding had left a few edges exposed.
I can't be certain... but I'm pretty sure I'm to blame entirely.
So that's about a £200 screw up.
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One of my #implants is failing #fuckmylife ... hey lets make it a thing.
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CW: NSFW (tmi and sad)
Thinking back to the inauguration of 2021 when Richard and I were still together. We watched Biden get sworn in and Bernie sitting there with his mittens on and then we fucked like fucking animals. Against the wall on the kitchen table against the fridge on the couch on the bed and even on the lenai. We switched positions like 3 times we went through 3 bottles of wine throughout the day Richard did not lose his erection once.
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My stomach sounds like it’s swearing at me 🤢 #TacoBell #FuckMyLife #mastodon #sunday #NotSoSilentSunday
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i wasn't a pixel peeper and already know #Midgar was beautiful despite his blocky hands.
but DAMN... i never imagined it to be that beautiful on the #PS5
now i really really want a new console... but i have no time to play games #FuckMyLife
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i wasn't a pixel peeper and already know #Midgar was beautiful despite his blocky hands.
but DAMN... i never imagined it to be that beautiful on the #PS5
now i really really want a new console... but i have no time to play games #FuckMyLife
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#Rothmans are #StillAvailable; though, I #DontSmoke them, myself...
#CamelFilters are #OffSale; #So, I have to #MakeDo with #DunhillInternationals...
And, #Partagas #SerieD #No4...
#FuckMyLife...!
🧙⚔️🤖🐺🤖⚔️🧙 | 🎩🦹🕵️🦄🕵️🦹🎩
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*sigh* tonight really could be going better for me. Headspace starting to tank, not entirely because of the job info I got today (which really sucks, but tbh, was slightly expected, and only a matter of time).
Suddenly feeling shitty about my appearance and dysphoric over it. Probably not being helped by my lack of estrogen in a year, due to doctors office dicking me around, and then my insurance getting shut off, and now no possible chance of getting back to work, and getting my insurance back.
On top of that, the permanent loss of that insurance, which also would of covered all the transition related care/surgeries I needed as well, which... was more encompassing than most insurance coverage as well. I just... *sigh* I don't know wtf to do at this point.
The weirdest part... The thing that triggered the dysphoria, was Catherine Zeta-Jones' character in Oceans Twelve (Isabel Lahiri), and like, the part that god me at first, was her outfits, but then... her nose. Her fucking nose of all god damn things!
I don't know... I'm just... maybe it's just compounding and making me feel especially worse tonight cause of everything.
#trans #dysphoria #lifesucks #fuckthisnoise #fuckthatnoise #fuckmylife
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*sigh* tonight really could be going better for me. Headspace starting to tank, not entirely because of the job info I got today (which really sucks, but tbh, was slightly expected, and only a matter of time).
Suddenly feeling shitty about my appearance and dysphoric over it. Probably not being helped by my lack of estrogen in a year, due to doctors office dicking me around, and then my insurance getting shut off, and now no possible chance of getting back to work, and getting my insurance back.
On top of that, the permanent loss of that insurance, which also would of covered all the transition related care/surgeries I needed as well, which... was more encompassing than most insurance coverage as well. I just... *sigh* I don't know wtf to do at this point.
The weirdest part... The thing that triggered the dysphoria, was Catherine Zeta-Jones' character in Oceans Twelve (Isabel Lahiri), and like, the part that god me at first, was her outfits, but then... her nose. Her fucking nose of all god damn things!
I don't know... I'm just... maybe it's just compounding and making me feel especially worse tonight cause of everything.
#trans #dysphoria #lifesucks #fuckthisnoise #fuckthatnoise #fuckmylife
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*sigh* tonight really could be going better for me. Headspace starting to tank, not entirely because of the job info I got today (which really sucks, but tbh, was slightly expected, and only a matter of time).
Suddenly feeling shitty about my appearance and dysphoric over it. Probably not being helped by my lack of estrogen in a year, due to doctors office dicking me around, and then my insurance getting shut off, and now no possible chance of getting back to work, and getting my insurance back.
On top of that, the permanent loss of that insurance, which also would of covered all the transition related care/surgeries I needed as well, which... was more encompassing than most insurance coverage as well. I just... *sigh* I don't know wtf to do at this point.
The weirdest part... The thing that triggered the dysphoria, was Catherine Zeta-Jones' character in Oceans Twelve (Isabel Lahiri), and like, the part that god me at first, was her outfits, but then... her nose. Her fucking nose of all god damn things!
I don't know... I'm just... maybe it's just compounding and making me feel especially worse tonight cause of everything.
#trans #dysphoria #lifesucks #fuckthisnoise #fuckthatnoise #fuckmylife
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*sigh* tonight really could be going better for me. Headspace starting to tank, not entirely because of the job info I got today (which really sucks, but tbh, was slightly expected, and only a matter of time).
Suddenly feeling shitty about my appearance and dysphoric over it. Probably not being helped by my lack of estrogen in a year, due to doctors office dicking me around, and then my insurance getting shut off, and now no possible chance of getting back to work, and getting my insurance back.
On top of that, the permanent loss of that insurance, which also would of covered all the transition related care/surgeries I needed as well, which... was more encompassing than most insurance coverage as well. I just... *sigh* I don't know wtf to do at this point.
The weirdest part... The thing that triggered the dysphoria, was Catherine Zeta-Jones' character in Oceans Twelve (Isabel Lahiri), and like, the part that god me at first, was her outfits, but then... her nose. Her fucking nose of all god damn things!
I don't know... I'm just... maybe it's just compounding and making me feel especially worse tonight cause of everything.
#trans #dysphoria #lifesucks #fuckthisnoise #fuckthatnoise #fuckmylife
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*sigh* tonight really could be going better for me. Headspace starting to tank, not entirely because of the job info I got today (which really sucks, but tbh, was slightly expected, and only a matter of time).
Suddenly feeling shitty about my appearance and dysphoric over it. Probably not being helped by my lack of estrogen in a year, due to doctors office dicking me around, and then my insurance getting shut off, and now no possible chance of getting back to work, and getting my insurance back.
On top of that, the permanent loss of that insurance, which also would of covered all the transition related care/surgeries I needed as well, which... was more encompassing than most insurance coverage as well. I just... *sigh* I don't know wtf to do at this point.
The weirdest part... The thing that triggered the dysphoria, was Catherine Zeta-Jones' character in Oceans Twelve (Isabel Lahiri), and like, the part that god me at first, was her outfits, but then... her nose. Her fucking nose of all god damn things!
I don't know... I'm just... maybe it's just compounding and making me feel especially worse tonight cause of everything.
#trans #dysphoria #lifesucks #fuckthisnoise #fuckthatnoise #fuckmylife