#entertaiment — Public Fediverse posts on home.social

Modern Friendship: Two Coffees, Zero Conversation

You know, I met up with my buddy, Jeff, the other day. We used to be so close, always hanging out, shooting the shit, but now? We might as well be living on different planets! I mean, we arranged this whole thing, he came all the way across town, fought for a parking spot, waited in line for these overpriced coffees… and why? So he could sit there and scroll through TikTok for two hours straight!

I’m not even exaggerating! I get there, I say “Hey, what’s up?” He goes, “Yeah bro, crazy.” Then he starts showing me these videos, “Bro, look at this!” “Dude, check this out!” Every single one starts blasting at full volume, of course. You’ve got a baby laughing, then suddenly it’s some guy screaming about stocks! I’m sitting there thinking, “What the hell is going on?”

He’s got these headphones too, they’re just sitting there on the table. Decorative headphones, that’s what they are! But nooo, we can’t have those. We gotta share his little algorithm with the entire café! The waiter, the couple next to us, probably people across the street – they’re all part of Jeff’s For You page now!

Imagine you’re just trying to enjoy your chai latte, reading a book or something. Then all of a sudden, you’re subjected to some teenager’s fitness routine, complete with screaming motivational music! And you, trying to have a private conversation with your girlfriend? Tough luck, because now you’re also a financial advisor!

And Jeff just keeps scrolling, scrolling, scrolling! I’m like, “Hey man, what’s new with you?” He barely hears me, just goes “Yeah, bro, crazy,” then hits me with another Reel. One minute it’s a dog barking, the next it’s some dude speaking in robot voices! I have no idea what’s happening anymore!

So here I am, shouting over his phone just to be heard. It’s like trying to talk to a toddler in a candy store! Finally, I tell him to turn it down. He does… But you know what’s really crazy? He’s actually enjoying this! He gets excited when the volume kicks up again. Like he’s living for the chaos!

And we’re not even the only ones! Everyone’s doing this now. Sitting in cafes, not talking to each other. Just staring at their phones, pretending they’re “charging” or whatever. “Oh yeah, we’re still friends. Look, we’re in the same room! See how we’re not looking at each other?” What a crock of shit!

I mean, these apps are clever. TikTok, Instagram Reels… they know how to keep us hooked. You think you’re just scrolling for fun, but really they’re playing mind games! Before you know it, you’re watching some 19 year old beside a rented sports car tell you how to manage your money. “Work on your side hustle, bro! Be your own boss!” What the fuck do you know about that?

And don’t get me started on all the crap we save for later! Recipes we’ll never make, workouts we’ll never do, dream holidays we’ll never afford. It’s like a graveyard of good intentions up in there! Meanwhile, we’re supposed to be friends. You know what we actually talked about? “Yeah, bro, crazy.”

But you know what the real kicker is? He messages me afterwards. “Good seeing you bro. We should do this more often.” Then he sends another video. I open it… and it starts blasting again. Full volume. In a completely silent room. That’s modern friendship for you…. “Yeah, bro. Crazy”

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