#jocularistians — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #jocularistians, aggregated by home.social.
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A Special Thanks:
Even though I don't believe in Christmas or religion, my year ended pretty good. So since people like to make shit up and celebrate it, I figured I should give thanks to those responsible for the season. Thank you, Jesus Claus and Santa Christ.
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Great minds think on the shitter.
Not-so-great minds shit on the thinker.
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I used to be cool. (Sigh)
Today on Jeopardy, in the "words containing double zz" category , I mindlessly answered "terrazzo"instead of "mezzanine". When the next correct response was "terrazzo", which stumped the panel, I belly laughed with an abnormal degree of delight as I answered. What a fucking dork I've become.
The next clue was "to rapidly and vigorously drink a beverage", to which I responded, "What is, a great idea". I grabbed a beer, proceeded to "guzzle" it and went in search of something cool to do.
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Is "grass fed" beef really worth the extra cost?
I just ate a whole steak and didn't even catch a buzz.
From now on, I'll be buying regular beef with my bag of weed on the side. -
Too poor for cartoons?
With additional charges being added by streaming services, I'm now stuck with "knockoff" alternatives to some shows.
I can't afford " Bugs Bunny", so it's "Mugs Bunny". The angry pickpocketing rabbit with no sense of humor.
Instead of Spider-Man, I have to watch "Lighter Man". No special powers. He just goes around lighting people's joints for them.
Wonderdog has been replaced by Underwear. Those who've ever gotten it for their birthday, can understand the disappointment that comes with the show. His superpower is the wedgy.
Worst of all, instead of "Mighty Mouse", I get "Might Mouse". Maybe he'll save the day, maybe he won't.
OutOfExile_IDR 2010
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Fact:
I like Shakespeare in the park as dusk rolls in.Reality:
The mosquitoes roll in at about the same time. -
Captains log, again.
Does that guy ever flush. -
⚠️ NOT a dad joke 🙃
Humor with some reality. The ice cream shops original name was real, as was the uproar.I was born in a very small town.
A lesbian couple opened an Ice cream shop and called it "Lickety Split" (for real).
The reverend and mayor, got the bigoted citizens stirred up, demanding that the shop change it's name. The owners of the ice cream shop gladly obliged.
They changed the name from "Lickety Split" to...
"The Vajay-Jay Cone - Home of the Banana-less Split"Originally posted © 2022
#humor #comedy #EndBigotry #LGBTQIA #Solidarity #TearDownTheWall #Love4All
#Jocularistians -
⚠️ NOT a dad joke 🙃
Humor with some reality. The ice cream shops original name was real, as was the uproar.I was born in a very small town.
A lesbian couple opened an Ice cream shop and called it "Lickety Split" (for real).
The reverend and mayor, got the bigoted citizens stirred up, demanding that the shop change it's name. The owners of the ice cream shop gladly obliged.
They changed the name from "Lickety Split" to...
"The Vajay-Jay Cone - Home of the Banana-less Split"Originally posted © 2022
#humor #comedy #EndBigotry #LGBTQIA #Solidarity #TearDownTheWall #Love4All
#Jocularistians -
⚠️ NOT a dad joke 🙃
Humor with some reality. The ice cream shops original name was real, as was the uproar.I was born in a very small town.
A lesbian couple opened an Ice cream shop and called it "Lickety Split" (for real).
The reverend and mayor, got the bigoted citizens stirred up, demanding that the shop change it's name. The owners of the ice cream shop gladly obliged.
They changed the name from "Lickety Split" to...
"The Vajay-Jay Cone - Home of the Banana-less Split"Originally posted © 2022
#humor #comedy #EndBigotry #LGBTQIA #Solidarity #TearDownTheWall #Love4All
#Jocularistians -
⚠️ NOT a dad joke 🙃
Humor with some reality. The ice cream shops original name was real, as was the uproar.I was born in a very small town.
A lesbian couple opened an Ice cream shop and called it "Lickety Split" (for real).
The reverend and mayor, got the bigoted citizens stirred up, demanding that the shop change it's name. The owners of the ice cream shop gladly obliged.
They changed the name from "Lickety Split" to...
"The Vajay-Jay Cone - Home of the Banana-less Split"Originally posted © 2022
#humor #comedy #EndBigotry #LGBTQIA #Solidarity #TearDownTheWall #Love4All
#Jocularistians -
⚠️ NOT a dad joke 🙃
Humor with some reality. The ice cream shops original name was real, as was the uproar.I was born in a very small town.
A lesbian couple opened an Ice cream shop and called it "Lickety Split" (for real).
The reverend and mayor, got the bigoted citizens stirred up, demanding that the shop change it's name. The owners of the ice cream shop gladly obliged.
They changed the name from "Lickety Split" to...
"The Vajay-Jay Cone - Home of the Banana-less Split"Originally posted © 2022
#humor #comedy #EndBigotry #LGBTQIA #Solidarity #TearDownTheWall #Love4All
#Jocularistians -
I'm not saying I'm old but, when I was young, my mom went broke buying me book bags.
The stone tablets kept ripping through the bottom.
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I'm not saying I'm old but...
if you see Ben Franklin, tell him I want my kite back and that I've been locked out of my house for 271 years. -
"Negotiating the Stone".
A documentary about one person's arduous journey, to pass a kidney stone.Rejected Movie Titles
#Jocularistians #humor #joke -
THE GREATEST NECESSITY OF THE AGE – THE HISTORY OF TOILET PAPER?
Have you ever wondered why it's customary to shake hands with the right hand? Humans have not always enjoyed the luxury of 4 ply cloud soft cushion. The finest man in toilet paper security (Mr Whipple) knows this, and that's exactly why he implored: "PLEASE, DON'T SQUEEZE THE CHARMIN!".
Aside from the left-hand, some of the first tools used for "throne" hygiene, are listed below. Just a submission from the archives of #UselessTrivia that clutters my mind. Someone said "useless trivia" was the hashtag game today. Maybe they were stoned.
Thousands of years ago, Hygiene sticks, known as salaka, cechou and chugi were used. Many were basically a sponge on a stick.
For the longest time, the Sears catalog was a favorite, as well as another publication. Have you ever wondered why the "Farmers Almanac" has a punch-hole in the top corner? This was the reason. The hole was "punched" so the magazine could be hung on a hook in the outhouse. Not kidding. Later, something called Apothecary paper was marketed but, people began to use this invention as stationary because of the quality of the paper. This paved the way for the more modern version of toidy tissue textiles.Touted as:
"The Greatest Necessity of the Age", in 1857, Joseph Gayetty introduced:"GAYETTY'S MEDICATED PAPER FOR THE WATER CLOSET"
The image and article below tells the rest. Considering the other options, can you think of any better invention? Given a choice between toilet paper and the internet... my clean behind and I, would miss all of you very much.
https://www.history.com/news/toilet-paper-hygiene-ancient-rome-china
OutOfExile_IDR © 2022
#humor #ToiletPaper #inventions #hygiene #relief #bathroom #Jocularistians #BathroomHumor #lavatory #restroom #PitStop #HashtagGames #UselessTrivia
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@bkm
I've heard of that... It's called the "Crappy Meal"It comes with a special dessert, "Apple Pie A La Cammode."
I wonder if they serve banana ice cream?
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It was right after he bribed me with bag of dill pickle flavored potato chips, and a half eaten piece of three-day-old sushi.
After that, I just don't know. I was just clicking the follow button with no regard for Aunt Gertrude.
The dill powder on the chips must have been laced with Funion dust. I'll never do that again that's for sure.
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@godpod FAVORED YOUR POST
"OH MY YOU."
I can't wait to tell my "Rightligious" family members that I've finally gained the favor of God.
The look on their faces, when I say," God spoke to me on the internet, and..."
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Fact:
I like Shakespeare in the park as dusk rolls in.Reality:
The mosquitoes roll in at about the same time.