#sandwichgeneration — Public Fediverse posts

Tonight was an extremely shitty night in the elder-care department. Buckle in, this is a long rant I need to get off my chest.
#elderCare #careGiving #sandwichGeneration #narcissism #scams
1/19

I don't remember whether I've posted before about how Uncle's Adult Protective Services caseworker and the caseworker's supervisor both basically ghosted me, stopped paying Uncle's rent from his Social Security checks which they were managing, without notifying either Uncle or me that they were going to do that, and before doing that sent a rent payment which was totally the wrong amount for some hitherto unexplained reason.
#elderCare #careGiving #sandwichGeneration
(1/3)

A hard thing about trying to care for Uncle from several states away is I need to rely on other people and people let me down repeatedly.
I repeatedly asked the people who promised to gather up Uncle's incorrectly unforwarded mail and ship it to me to search his apartment for mail and make sure to send me all of it.
Today after several months' hiatus I finally made it to Uncle's apartment and found multiple piles of mail they didn't send me.
🤦😡
#elderCare #sandwichGeneration #careGiving

Fun and games with #elderCare by the #sandwichGeneration…
Uncle missed a specialist medical appointment yesterday because the medical transport van scheduled to drive him to the appointment arrived an hour late, and by the time he got to the doctor's office, the doctor was gone.
Today I called to reschedule the appointment.
#healthcare (1/4)

Last year NYC's Human Resources Administration (specifically, Adult Protective Services) took over receiving Uncle's monthly Social Security checks, paying his rent out of that income, and then sending Uncle the remainder via paper checks (direct deposit not offered as an option *sigh*).
#elderCare #sandwichGeneration (1/8)

The sale of my mom's house was complete a week ago. I'm still getting used to someone else living in the house I grew up in. It was different with renters. They were borrowing it. Now the house is gone.

I had felt for a long time that the house was dead for my family. My parents divorced not long after my brother and I moved out, and my mom lived there alone for another twenty years. I liked seeing families with kids checking it out during the selling process. It's a house and yard with a lot of room for a new family. I hope it brings them joy.

My mom has been in a memory care facility since June, 2025, and the cost has gradually increased from $6800 a month to $7800, due to room changes and care needs. She declined more in the last month and an opening came up in a house with "increased care." It's now $9800 a month.

We were fortunate in the sale of the house. It happened just before her other savings ran out. Now we have enough for about three years before I'll need to figure out Medicare. The house is still taking care of her, I guess.

There won't be anything for the next generation, but I never really expected that. I worry about housing for our kids, but I understand why they wouldn't want to be tied to the logging town where we grew up.

Still, it's amazing how fast the medical machine can eat a family's legacy these days. The house is gone, and in just a few years the money will be gone, too.

#getablog, #sandwichgeneration

Research by CPC-CG's Athina Vlachantoni and Jane Falkingham has been reported by the National #ChildDevelopment Study for its importance in shedding light on which #carers might be more likely to cut back on work, and the possible reasons why: https://ncds.info/caring-responsibilities-and-working-life/

#ageing #gerontology #socialscience #demography #caring #employment #sandwichgeneration #worklifebalance

visiting my parents, checking in on how my Dad's cognitive decline is going and it's not as bad as I was imagining, but also it's real.

#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

I'm working on a lot of stuff for online publicity for my Dad's latest/last book and I'm so sad to realize that really I'm doing it even more for my Mom than for my Dad because although he will REALLY appreciate it, it's clear things aren't being processed in the way they used to. She is so happy that I'm doing this publicity work with (for) him.

I go there tomorrow to be with them in person to see how they're really doing.

#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

How bittersweet. My dad just sent me a blog post to publish for him and he mentions his cognitive issues. It’s a really good post. I’ll share it in a bit. #AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

super sad moment when my Dad sent a blog post for me to publish for him and I have to ask him about what he's saying (what's he trying to say, bc he doesn't make it clear). this is the first time since his cognitive issues began that I've seen it in his writing.
#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

I wish I could count on my brother (who lives 20 min from my parents) to give me updates. He doesn't want to see that anything's wrong, so he won't.

#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

From two hours away, with only email and the occasional call for the last few weeks, it feels like my Dad is slipping fast (cognitively). I need to get down there to see if I'm misreading his behavior or if he's significantly more easily confused than he was just a month or two ago when we were together in person.

A reminder that so people can mute them, I'll tag all my posts about my parents & my Dad's Alzheimer's with
#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

Googling says Alzheimer’s prognosis is 3-10 years, as long as 20. My Dad turns 89 this month. Symptoms beyond what seemed like normal aging started about a year ago (as far as I can tell). I wish I knew what to expect as far as speed of decline. I know I’m looking for control that I can’t possibly have. But I’m thinking of the hospice nurses and how they had such good information for me about my uncle, and what was expected.

#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

I, on the other hand, find it comforting to gather information. So I asked my dad to tell me what medication his doctor has put him on. It’s a medication to treat Alzheimer’s. Being at a distance, two hours away, I can’t be sure how things are really going, but the sense I’m getting from email is things are changing quickly. More quickly than they have been in the last year.

#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

This email this week said she didn’t want there to be an elephant in the room we pretended wasn’t there, but she wanted us to be aware she wasn’t going to have her usual terrier-like tenacity understanding all the implications and science behind everything and “what can be done.” She is planning to take everything as it comes and enjoy every single minute with my dad.

#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

As I write about my parents aging, and my dad, in particular, I’m going to use these tags: #AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying

My mom sent my brother and I a good email articulating how she’s going to be handling my father aging. When he started showing cognitive issues last year, she was very clear that to discuss things with me when he wasn’t present, made her feel disloyal and that she wouldn’t do that.

Taking the #PATHTrain from #NYC to #JerseyCity to buy a memory foam pillow from #Kohls because that's the closest place I could find with a decent, affordable one so I don't have to keep (not) sleeping on the old, shitty pillows in my uncle's apartment while I'm in the city helping him with his medical stuff. #NYCLife #SandwichGeneration
P.S. For those who were following along, he's been discharged in the hospital and is in rehab now. Progress!