#dadjokes — Public Fediverse posts

Why do we say "I sent someone on Mastodon a compliment" and not "I have a sweet toot"?

#badPun #badPuns #dadJoke #dadJokes #antiJoke

RE: https://mastodon.au/@Heliograph/117132584700232392

Confirmed seagull not flying over a bay. 🥯 #dadjokes

@Heliograph definitely not flying over a bay.

Then it’d be a bay gull. 🥯 #dadjokes

My students after the, hmmm, 1,000th dad joke during *one* lesson… 😎🤓 #dadjokes #teacher

I tripped and hit my head on a pillow.

Got a concushion.

#funny #jokes #dadjokes

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.

#dadjokes

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust

#dadjokes

I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

#dadjokes

to bee-keep is to miss bee have, send post.

#BadJokes #DadJokes

Did you hear about the explosion at the bathroom showroom?

Authorities are warning residents to expect scattered showers.

#funny #jokes #dadjokes

Whenever you pit prunes against constipation – the prunes win
#DadJokes

A True Groaner: A Bonus #TimeTravelingGhost Story

#Wss366 agar #TimeTravelAuthors 08/21. A character quirk

“I’ve learned that one should never tamper with the past. The future gets terribly cross about it.” A crowd around the woman telling the joke gave a weak, perfunctory laugh.

The new professor looked across the room at the woman. She was an odd sight, sporting a plastic battle axe, a fake red beard, and an enormous plastic dish glued to her back. “Who’s that drunk telling dad jokes?” he asked a professor wearing a conservative Halloween costume.

“That bore is Professor Henrietta Bijou. She’s one of the metaphysics instructors and specializes in alternate universes and time travel.”

“And what is she dressed as?”

“Go ask her. I don’t have the faintest idea.”

“Excuse me, miss,” the man said, walking over to Ms. Bijou. “That’s an interesting costume. You must have gone all out on it. What is it?”

“’Agar the ‘orrible.”

The man groaned.

#TootFic #NMFic #TimeTravel #DadJokes #BadJokes #Serial

Doctor: your body has run out of magnesium.

Me: 0Mg

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

I took a nasty tumble while boarding a flight yesterday and ended up in the hospital.

Luckily, the doctor says it’s just an airline fracture.

#funny #jokes #dadjokes

#Dadjokes

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up.

#dadjokes