#newspoem — Public Fediverse posts

I like my sparkling Italian wine to be very very spicy
But I think these bottles are a little too dicey
They're full of gas ready to explode
A fragmentation bomb with shrapnel ready to unload

You don't even have to shake them or give them a bump
It's possible they'll just shatter with a giant "whump"
Sending bits of glass shards into your eyes
Or maybe a giant artery slicing bit into your thighs

I guess if there's someone you'd like to kill
You could send them a case, if you will
But, you'll probably end up in jail
And they won't give you wine, or bail

Alas, they suggest you shouldn't even drink it
Just wrap it in paper and sink it
I think it would be funner to throw them down the street
And quite a blast, if you shoot skeet

#poem (human poem, mine)
#newspoem #wine #valdobbiadene

Drove to desperation after restaurant fail
A famous chef told his tale
He robbed three banks in just one day
Alas he still had lots of bills to pay

He thought it was a good plan to take
Much money the robbing would indeed make
How hard could a stick up really be?
Not much harder than a tasty flambe!

Instead of a baking up some sticky buns
He'd just go find himself some guns
Walk into a bank and demand some money
Just like coating some pancakes with honey

Why he said robbing banks is like cooking a steak
Although it seems like the whole thing was a mistake
Alas, unlike pasta which is good if you taste it
Prison, and jail, is not the place you'll make it

#poem (human poem)
#newspoem
#cooking
#crime

My pizza from TJ's been recalled
It snuck unchecked into the States
The pizza's a product of Italy
But to eat it could be a big mistake

The uncured pepperoni is Italian
But no one checked to see if it's good
The pepperoni could be fine or could be awful
No inspection so it could be wood

Now I like my Italian meatballs
Pepperoni or proscuitto or salami
I guess they want to poke and prod them
As long as I don't get sick that's fine with me

#poem #newspoem or maybe #lyrics #pizza (human poem)

A poem for the occasion.

Flying from Down Under, to a safari I do go
Because rocket parts keep falling, to where they do not know
They stop us from taking off today, because of a billionaire
Losing rocket parts from space, falling really who knows where
Alas I don't think this will get better, the oligarchs are now on top
And they do anything they want, nothing we can stop.

#newspoem #poem (human poem)

You've bricked my emotional support robot
What am I supposed to do?
You've stolen my sense of safety and wellness
And taken all my money, too!

This wouldn't have happened with an emotional support dog
or even a duck, hamster, or kangaroo
Instead of a furry friend for the rest of my life
I'm left with a broken robot that no one can rescue.

#poem #newspoem (human poem)

Today's news poem

Hamsters, snakes, what have you got
Stuffing them in my pants, that is hot
First it was a hundred little snakes to smuggle
Then a bunch of hamsters to in the pants for a snuggle

#poem #newspoem (human poem)

Please don't embalm me when I'm still alive
because I think I'd still like to drive
Down the street when I'm not quite dead
Say hello again to my pal Fred
Embalming fluid is really not to drink
I do suppose it would be yucky, I think
Rather not be pickled while I can still see
What those funeral workers are doing to me
Alas, when I finally do die
For heavens sake, don't make me wear a tie.

#newspoem #death #poem (human poem)

Arms maker says due to too many videos of cats
Sucking up power and energy, that's
Why you can't make arms for war
Nothing surprises me any more

#newspoem #news #poem (human)

They've brought the wooly mammoth back from the dead
But I can't wrap it up in my head
They're only back as meatball bits
That gives my poor brain terrible fits
Resurrected from the past with their DNA
The noble mammoth once again seen, but the only way
Is mixed into some tomato sauce in a spoon
Perhaps this was a bit too soon?

#newspoem #poem (human) #mammoth #dna #meat

#Musk is now bitter
because #Twitter is in the shitter.
He's turned his cash to litter,
and now he wants an arse kisser.

And now the lights of Twitter
Begin to dull and flicker…
because someone thought to meddle
with their server rack of metal.

"Where's the money?", the lawyer's trill
There's sure to be a legal spill
Because some complete and utter dill
Forgot to pay the rental bill.

#poem #verse #NewsPoem

It seems to me it's very plain
The driver shouldn't jump out of a moving train
Letting the train run free and having it crash
Seems, at least, to me, to be rather brash

#newspoem #poem (human)
https://nitter.net/FirePhotoGirl/status/1640399939351240705?s=20