#healinginprogress — Public Fediverse posts

Today is my first day on methotrexate - one of the long-term drugs I've been given for my "strongly positive" rheumatoid arthritis. To be honest, I was pretty terrified of taking it. I realised it's obviously a bit of a heavy duty drug: weekly dose, titrated, and closely monitored.

I've written previously on how I feel about medication but I know that for now at least I'm going to have to submit to it. So I avoided looking into it too deeply. In fact - and I know some people will frown at this (or worse) - I got ChatGPT to give me just the headlines: what to expect in terms of how it might make me feel; what side effects to look out for; what to be concerned about if it showed up. And frown (or worse) all you like - for me, it was the best way to go about it. I knew that if I read the full information leaflet, I'd end up freaking out and not taking it. And I kind of knew I had to.

Well, I took my first dose last night. I've got to tell you, even the packaging looks ominous. I've never seen a black blister pack before. What's that all about? But I took the four tiny tablets and went to bed.

1/2

#RheumatoidArthritis #ChronicIllness #AutoimmuneDisease
#LivingWithRA #SpoonieLife
#BodyListening #HealingInProgress #SupportingMyBody
#RheumatoidRevolution
#ChronicIllnessWarrior #SelfCare #medication

It’s taken me two days to sit down and write since the hospital visit. Not because the appointment itself was so awful (though I did just collapse into bed the moment I got home), but because that’s how long it’s taken me to get my head around it.

Sorry — BEGIN to get my head around it.

Because, you see, I mentioned previously that I was both relieved and upset about the upcoming appointment… Well, my upset was to do with a core distrust of big pharma and the medical system, and I had worked really hard to stay outside of it.

Now, don’t get me wrong: there are wonderful things about modern medicine. I mean, if I got in a serious car crash, for example, I want an ambulance, not a homeopath, thank you! But I’ve also seen people, especially those with chronic illness, get really fucked over by the medical system. I don’t want to over-egg it; I know there are plenty of positive cases too, but I certainly didn’t want to be part of it. But then I also didn’t want a chronic illness!

Nonetheless, I’ve had to find some acceptance around meds, at least for now, because I simply couldn’t function in the state I’ve been in for several months. I have to hang on to the belief — the light at the end of the tunnel — that the body is an amazing organism and that it is possible to heal. Not in a magical sense, but by working with my body and giving it every support possible to do its thing.

And for now, that support seems to include medication to get this disease under control.

So be it.

#RheumatoidArthritis #ChronicIllness #AutoimmuneDisease
#LivingWithRA #SpoonieLife
#BodyListening #HealingInProgress #SupportingMyBody
#IntegrativeHealth #rheumatoidrevolution

Probably not the best time for me to be watching *The Pitt*. There’s a scene with a brother and sister in the ER with their dad, and a line about how they become the witnesses to each other’s lives — the ones who hold the shared memories.

That one hit hard.

One of the hardest things right now is realizing I don’t have that anymore. Even though my brother and I hadn’t spoken in years, he was still my brother. He was already gone when Dad died, so I stood there without that shared witness to our life.

Yeah… this one’s getting put on hold for now. Too much, too soon.

I'd love to hear some suggestions for TV shows or movies that I could watch instead. I have most of the major streaming services.

#GriefJourney #LifeAfterLoss #GriefSupport #HealingInProgress #OneDayAtATime