#actually-audhd — Public Fediverse posts

I *FINALLY* understand why we tend to self-harm. Our senses can become so overwhelmed that the only way to manage them is buy causing intense localized discomfort to force us to focus ourselves to a far smaller set of sensory inputs. In that way, self-harm is a form of sensor-deprivation, as counter-intuitive as that may seem.

I realize that I have had these kinds of behaviors, in different forms, almost my entire life.

The more I reflect on the entirety of my life, the more past autistic experiences and behaviors reveal themselves. Back then, what I lacked was the autistic frame of reference. After all, I was diagnosed at age 50.

#actuallyaudhd #actuallyautistic #actuallyadhd @autistics

I *FINALLY* understand why we tend to self-harm. Our senses can become so overwhelmed that the only way to manage them is buy causing intense localized discomfort to force us to focus ourselves to a far smaller set of sensory inputs. In that way, self-harm is a form of sensor-deprivation, as counter-intuitive as that may seem.

I realize that I have had these kinds of behaviors, in different forms, almost my entire life.

The more I reflect on the entirety of my life, the more past autistic experiences and behaviors reveal themselves. Back then, what I lacked was the autistic frame of reference. After all, I was diagnosed at age 50.

#actuallyaudhd #actuallyautistic #actuallyadhd @autistics

#Journal of a worried Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Saturday, 15/08/2026).

After the busy and long Friday, it had taken a little time before I was relaxed enough to fall asleep. First, I was woken up by a buzzing terrorist. Then, I was woken up by Koa. He was panting at times, licking the front paw that they had drawn the blood from for the titer testing, and at times, he gave a small whine. It was clear to me that he wasn't feeling too well. I took him outside, and then I sat in front of the crate for a while, to try and calm him down again. I tried to check his paw, and I could not see or feel anything wrong with it, After a while, Koa dozed off, and I went back to bed.

We managed to get some sleep, but it was obvious Koa was not a happy puppy.We got up, and started our "day", and we did the usual things. But, Koa seemed a bit more clingy than usual. He would sometimes start panting, or give some sad whines. I could not find anything that could be upsetting him, so I wondered if the stuff they had put into his ears the previous day was bothering him now.

I wrote an email to my sweet friend. Then I took Koa out for a short walk. He seemed to be doing everything as usual, so that was a bit of a relief. We got back, I had some brekkie, and then I did my best to write my journal toot, which was a rather long one, by the time I finally finished, My hands were tired after all the typing, so I put away the tablet. I tried to relax for a little while, before it was time to take Koa out for another little walk.

We got back, and I fixed Koa some food. I was still worried, as he didn't seem too happy. And I was having flashbacks about the times Arwen dealt with her ear infections. How she never wanted to show me how she was hurting, because with the infections she had, she must have been in pain. But then, she also didn't want me to know about the tumor near her heart. I struggled with those flashback, started crying every now and then. Heck, even typing this now has brought me to tears again. Stupid trauma...

When it was a little after 9, I called the vet. I was on hold for a while. When I got someone on the line, I explained the behavior that Koa had been showing me. Because they weren't sure what was going on, they offered me the last free spot of the morning, at 11:45. When I hung up, I called my neighbor. I explained the situation, and she agreed to drive us in Skoosh. I was so grateful, as it meant that I could have Koa checked out again, before the weekend.

I tried to get through the morning as best as I could. When it was almost time, I took out Koa for a wee, before we had to go. He wasn't interested in a pee, so I tried to get him settled in the car, so we'd be ready when the neighbor came. When she saw Koa was seated and on his belt, she came to the car. She settled in the driver's seat, and off we went to the vet.

We had to wait a little bit, and in that time, the neighbor managed to get Koa on the scale. He was around 22 kilos now. Getting bigger and bigger... The vet called us in, and I told her about Koa's behavior. She checked everything, and, fortunately, she could not find anything wrong with him. Which lead to the conclusion that it was probably due to his ears that he was not feeling too well. Yesterday, they had prodded in his ears, put in the medicine ointment/lotion/something. So his ears must be more irritated and more sensitive now, which is probably causing his discomfort. He got a 24-hour painkiller shot, which should hopefully help him to get past it, giving some time for his ears to settle down again.

I was glad for the help, and also glad that the bill was less high than I was expecting it to be. The neighbor had gone outside with Koa, and she was on the phone when I got out. When she hung up, she told me that her son and his GF had offered to take Koa for a nice walk when we got back. So, when we got back, she took Koa home, and he went for a long walk with the "kids" (they're both adults and strong enough to handle him).

I tried to relax a bit, until they brought back my dude. He was all worn out, but he looked happy. I thanked the "kids", and gave Koa his meal. It took some time for Koa's breathing to settle down a bit. When his breathing was more relaxed again, I got everything ready so we could head to bed. It took a little time for me to get comfortable. I heard that Koa was snoozing, so I felt more at ease. And then I dozed off.

I woke up a few hours later, I went to the loo, and took Koa outside for a bit. Then, we went back to bed. And, I guess that Koa was feeling a bit better, as he allowed to sleep some more until I woke up again. I saw the time, and knew that it was time to get up. So, I got up, and opened Koa's crate, so he and I could start our "day" together.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a worried Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Saturday, 15/08/2026).

After the busy and long Friday, it had taken a little time before I was relaxed enough to fall asleep. First, I was woken up by a buzzing terrorist. Then, I was woken up by Koa. He was panting at times, licking the front paw that they had drawn the blood from for the titer testing, and at times, he gave a small whine. It was clear to me that he wasn't feeling too well. I took him outside, and then I sat in front of the crate for a while, to try and calm him down again. I tried to check his paw, and I could not see or feel anything wrong with it, After a while, Koa dozed off, and I went back to bed.

We managed to get some sleep, but it was obvious Koa was not a happy puppy.We got up, and started our "day", and we did the usual things. But, Koa seemed a bit more clingy than usual. He would sometimes start panting, or give some sad whines. I could not find anything that could be upsetting him, so I wondered if the stuff they had put into his ears the previous day was bothering him now.

I wrote an email to my sweet friend. Then I took Koa out for a short walk. He seemed to be doing everything as usual, so that was a bit of a relief. We got back, I had some brekkie, and then I did my best to write my journal toot, which was a rather long one, by the time I finally finished, My hands were tired after all the typing, so I put away the tablet. I tried to relax for a little while, before it was time to take Koa out for another little walk.

We got back, and I fixed Koa some food. I was still worried, as he didn't seem too happy. And I was having flashbacks about the times Arwen dealt with her ear infections. How she never wanted to show me how she was hurting, because with the infections she had, she must have been in pain. But then, she also didn't want me to know about the tumor near her heart. I struggled with those flashback, started crying every now and then. Heck, even typing this now has brought me to tears again. Stupid trauma...

When it was a little after 9, I called the vet. I was on hold for a while. When I got someone on the line, I explained the behavior that Koa had been showing me. Because they weren't sure what was going on, they offered me the last free spot of the morning, at 11:45. When I hung up, I called my neighbor. I explained the situation, and she agreed to drive us in Skoosh. I was so grateful, as it meant that I could have Koa checked out again, before the weekend.

I tried to get through the morning as best as I could. When it was almost time, I took out Koa for a wee, before we had to go. He wasn't interested in a pee, so I tried to get him settled in the car, so we'd be ready when the neighbor came. When she saw Koa was seated and on his belt, she came to the car. She settled in the driver's seat, and off we went to the vet.

We had to wait a little bit, and in that time, the neighbor managed to get Koa on the scale. He was around 22 kilos now. Getting bigger and bigger... The vet called us in, and I told her about Koa's behavior. She checked everything, and, fortunately, she could not find anything wrong with him. Which lead to the conclusion that it was probably due to his ears that he was not feeling too well. Yesterday, they had prodded in his ears, put in the medicine ointment/lotion/something. So his ears must be more irritated and more sensitive now, which is probably causing his discomfort. He got a 24-hour painkiller shot, which should hopefully help him to get past it, giving some time for his ears to settle down again.

I was glad for the help, and also glad that the bill was less high than I was expecting it to be. The neighbor had gone outside with Koa, and she was on the phone when I got out. When she hung up, she told me that her son and his GF had offered to take Koa for a nice walk when we got back. So, when we got back, she took Koa home, and he went for a long walk with the "kids" (they're both adults and strong enough to handle him).

I tried to relax a bit, until they brought back my dude. He was all worn out, but he looked happy. I thanked the "kids", and gave Koa his meal. It took some time for Koa's breathing to settle down a bit. When his breathing was more relaxed again, I got everything ready so we could head to bed. It took a little time for me to get comfortable. I heard that Koa was snoozing, so I felt more at ease. And then I dozed off.

I woke up a few hours later, I went to the loo, and took Koa outside for a bit. Then, we went back to bed. And, I guess that Koa was feeling a bit better, as he allowed to sleep some more until I woke up again. I saw the time, and knew that it was time to get up. So, I got up, and opened Koa's crate, so he and I could start our "day" together.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a tired and sore Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Thursday, 13/08/2026).

After a bit better night, as I had been so tired of the previous bad night, and dealing with all the pain from the cast, I had been tired enough for some hours of sleep. When Koa woke me up again, it was time for us to get up, and start our "day". I fixed Koa's meal, took my meds, and got dressed. When Koa finished his meal, we got to the couch.

I used my tablet to write an email to my sweet friend. I am still annoyed that typing goes so slowly. Every few sentences, I need to wiggle my cast a little, as it seems to move some when I use my right hand to type. But then, it does the same thing when I try to sleep, so I don't think the typing is the bad thing here. When I finished the email, I took out Koa for a short walk. When we came back, I fixed some brekkie, and tried to enjoy it.

Ever since I got the new cast, I had been feeling more nauseous again. I thought of all the reasons, and one of them, was the chemical smell of the new cast. I held it under my nose, and yeah... It was not pleased at all with the smell of it. So, I tried to keep the cast away from my nose as I was eating, which seemed to help a little.

After food, I tried to relax a bit on the couch, while I was slowly making progress with the journal Toot typing on my phone. I was annoyed with the stupid typos. How can one make so many of them, while typing at a snail speed? Ugh... Bit by bit, I managed to finish up the toot. When I was done, I took Koa out for another short walk.

Koa got a nice meal when we got back, and I tried to relax a bit, as my whole body seemed to be against me this morning. Muscle aches in several places, making several of my joints make annoying, and painful, cracking noises. The ones in my neck were so awful,they sometimes made me see sparkles. But I felt so worn out, so broken and beaten. I knew that raising a puppy would be a challenge. But, first the herniated disc, thanks to the puppy, and now, before the disc had time to properly heal, this surgery...

It's been several months since I had my last decent night, I've not felt rested for so long now. I keep saying that I am doing the best I can, but I'm struggling with the fact that, at this moment, my best is about 35% of what it used to be. And I know I am ot doing that badly at all. But it's just been too much for too long, and my body is protesting it.

After another walk with Koa, I spent some more time on the couch. But, my body was very displeased with me, and in the end, Koa and I went to the bedroom, where he got a snack he loved, and I tried to get comfortable with a series on my tablet. It helped a bit for my back and neck, my hand was still annoying me.

Mum texted that she would be coming later than planned, because she had issues with her hearing aid, and that needed to be fixed before she could come this way. I walked a short round with Koa, gave him his meal, and then we went back to bed. I tried to fall asleep, but my hand would not allow me to get comfortable enough. So by the time mum was finally here, I had not slept a wink.

I got mum settled and went back to bed. Unfortunately, it still took a while before I could finally doze off. I woke up once for the loo. When I woke up again, I would have liked to get some more sleep if I could. But, when I saw the time, I knew I had to get up. Mum needed to get some time to sleep, I needed to take my meds, and... Some little brown dude was very interested in filling up his belly a bit. So, I got up, and I started my "day". It was going to be a longer one, as my friend was going to help me to get Koa for a vet visit in the afternoon. But first, I have an appointment for hand therapy and, if I am lucky, the cast will be replaced with a temporary plastic splint, which should be a bit more comfortable... Or so I hope... Hey ho, let's do this!

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a tired and sore Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Thursday, 13/08/2026).

After a bit better night, as I had been so tired of the previous bad night, and dealing with all the pain from the cast, I had been tired enough for some hours of sleep. When Koa woke me up again, it was time for us to get up, and start our "day". I fixed Koa's meal, took my meds, and got dressed. When Koa finished his meal, we got to the couch.

I used my tablet to write an email to my sweet friend. I am still annoyed that typing goes so slowly. Every few sentences, I need to wiggle my cast a little, as it seems to move some when I use my right hand to type. But then, it does the same thing when I try to sleep, so I don't think the typing is the bad thing here. When I finished the email, I took out Koa for a short walk. When we came back, I fixed some brekkie, and tried to enjoy it.

Ever since I got the new cast, I had been feeling more nauseous again. I thought of all the reasons, and one of them, was the chemical smell of the new cast. I held it under my nose, and yeah... It was not pleased at all with the smell of it. So, I tried to keep the cast away from my nose as I was eating, which seemed to help a little.

After food, I tried to relax a bit on the couch, while I was slowly making progress with the journal Toot typing on my phone. I was annoyed with the stupid typos. How can one make so many of them, while typing at a snail speed? Ugh... Bit by bit, I managed to finish up the toot. When I was done, I took Koa out for another short walk.

Koa got a nice meal when we got back, and I tried to relax a bit, as my whole body seemed to be against me this morning. Muscle aches in several places, making several of my joints make annoying, and painful, cracking noises. The ones in my neck were so awful,they sometimes made me see sparkles. But I felt so worn out, so broken and beaten. I knew that raising a puppy would be a challenge. But, first the herniated disc, thanks to the puppy, and now, before the disc had time to properly heal, this surgery...

It's been several months since I had my last decent night, I've not felt rested for so long now. I keep saying that I am doing the best I can, but I'm struggling with the fact that, at this moment, my best is about 35% of what it used to be. And I know I am ot doing that badly at all. But it's just been too much for too long, and my body is protesting it.

After another walk with Koa, I spent some more time on the couch. But, my body was very displeased with me, and in the end, Koa and I went to the bedroom, where he got a snack he loved, and I tried to get comfortable with a series on my tablet. It helped a bit for my back and neck, my hand was still annoying me.

Mum texted that she would be coming later than planned, because she had issues with her hearing aid, and that needed to be fixed before she could come this way. I walked a short round with Koa, gave him his meal, and then we went back to bed. I tried to fall asleep, but my hand would not allow me to get comfortable enough. So by the time mum was finally here, I had not slept a wink.

I got mum settled and went back to bed. Unfortunately, it still took a while before I could finally doze off. I woke up once for the loo. When I woke up again, I would have liked to get some more sleep if I could. But, when I saw the time, I knew I had to get up. Mum needed to get some time to sleep, I needed to take my meds, and... Some little brown dude was very interested in filling up his belly a bit. So, I got up, and I started my "day". It was going to be a longer one, as my friend was going to help me to get Koa for a vet visit in the afternoon. But first, I have an appointment for hand therapy and, if I am lucky, the cast will be replaced with a temporary plastic splint, which should be a bit more comfortable... Or so I hope... Hey ho, let's do this!

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

Sometimes I think the reason why I am not horribly addicted to all those chatbots is my ND trauma.
I have very strong negative reactions when someone praises me, so the bot sycophancy had the inverse effect on me, a sort of inoculation.

#ActuallyAuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD

#Journal of a very pained Dutch AuDHD Pixy (Wednesday, 12/08/2026).

After a difficult night, with loads of waking up due to my hand being so painful due to bad tingling, I woke up when Koa told me it was really time to get up. He had been an angel during the night, and now my body made sure I couldn't sleep. This was so unfair. But Koa had been a good boy, and he'd been in the crate for a while, so I got up as quickly as I could, to take care of my little dude.

Koa was fed, meds were taken, and we got to the couch. I used my tablet to write an email to my sweet friend. When I was done, I took out Koa for a short walk. I made some brekkie, and then I used my phone to write my journal Toot. It took me quite a while, as my hand kept getting these tingles but now, every now and then, there were some "shooting" pains that ran through me thumb. And they were so incredibly painful, they brought me to tears. I knew then that I had to call the hospital in the morning, and get them to check out the cast. I was sure that the cold fingers, the painful tingling, the pain streaks, that they were caused by my cast being too tight in some places.

The night seemed to go so slowly. I hate phone calls, but I was getting more eager by the hour, as my hand was getting more difficult to deal with, with every moment passing. I was worried both for the increasing pain, and about being able to get to the hospital, should they agree to see me. So when it was around 7, I first texted my neighbor, explaining the situation, asking if she could drive me to the hospital with Skoosh, should I get an appointment. Unfortunately, she wasn't feeling well, and didn't dare to drive now, let alone in a car that's not her own I texted my mum, but there was a chance that she would not have the car. And I texted a good friend.

Mum texted me back first, saying she had the car, and if I knew when I could come in, I should call, and she'd come. Just after that, my friend texted that she would be able to drive me as well, should mum not be able after all. So, I was comforted by that, and counting the minutes until I could call the hospital.

I called, waited a little while, explained my situation, and they connected me to the casting department. Nope, I wasn't going to be in a show. 😉 The other type of cast. I explained the situation again, told them that I was experiencing quite a bit of pain. I was hoping they'd tell me to come in as soon as I had a ride. But nope, they had two times for me: 12 and 13:30. When I hung up, it was 8:45, and I already burst out in tears every now and then, when a flash of pain shot through my thumb. It was so bad at times, that even Koa came to lick my tears, and give me a cuddle (before he started his nibbles again).

I walked with Koa, had some food, watched some telly, and cried from time to time. Those hours until my mum came seemed to go even slower than the ones during the night. When mum came, she and I walked Koa together. I set up my tablet with the camera cam, and crated Koa with a few snacks. Then, mum drove me to the hospital, while I was checking on Koa on my phone. Koa barked just a few times, and then he seemed to quickly settle down. I didn't monitor him all the time while we were in the waiting room. But what I saw, made me rather proud. And heck, I needed that.

The wait in the hospital was so bad. I could not properly breathe away the pain anymore. I was so stressed that people without pain got called in again and again, and I was there, waiting while suppressing the anxiety that I had now. So much pain, some anger over the longer wait, and the worries over my fingers losing feeling. I was sweating like crazy, and really struggling to keep it together as much as I could. When I got called in, I almost stumbled over because I was so dizzy.

The cast specialist did his best to comfort me, but I was way passed that. I just needed that relief so badly. I needed to get warm hands again. To feel my fingers properly again. For the tingling to buzz off. And for the pain flashes to stop shooting through my thumb. When the cast got cut open, instead of feeling relief, I felt an increase of pain, and I panicked. All night and all morning, I had been looking forward to get to the moment where all these symptoms I just mentioned would just easily flow away when the pressure of the cast was taken off. And when this didn't happen, I freaked out. So the cast man had some work to do to get me breathing properly again. Ugh, I felt a bit ashamed of how badly I was handling this. But I had been in pain for about 18 hours, which has slowly gotten worse until the point of me not being able to handle it properly anymore.

After some time, I was calm enough for the specialist to provide me with a new cast. Mum and I headed home, with a pitstop at the supermarket. When we get home, Koa was still such a good boy. But when I released him, he got over-excited and threw my drink on the floor. Fortunately, mum was able to quickly clean it up. After that, mum walked a bit with Koa, while I made his meal. Mum went back home, while Koa was enjoying his meal.

I slowly got everything ready for bed, as I had taken my meds, and my hand finally started to feel a bit better. Koa and I went to bed, where I watched a little on my tablet, before I was relaxed enough to try and get some sleep. After a while I dozed off. I woke up a few times, and took Koa out once. When he woke me up again, I was still tired. But my body was rather sore, so it was time to get up, and take my meds. So, we got up, and Koa and I started our "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a very pained Dutch AuDHD Pixy (Wednesday, 12/08/2026).

After a difficult night, with loads of waking up due to my hand being so painful due to bad tingling, I woke up when Koa told me it was really time to get up. He had been an angel during the night, and now my body made sure I couldn't sleep. This was so unfair. But Koa had been a good boy, and he'd been in the crate for a while, so I got up as quickly as I could, to take care of my little dude.

Koa was fed, meds were taken, and we got to the couch. I used my tablet to write an email to my sweet friend. When I was done, I took out Koa for a short walk. I made some brekkie, and then I used my phone to write my journal Toot. It took me quite a while, as my hand kept getting these tingles but now, every now and then, there were some "shooting" pains that ran through me thumb. And they were so incredibly painful, they brought me to tears. I knew then that I had to call the hospital in the morning, and get them to check out the cast. I was sure that the cold fingers, the painful tingling, the pain streaks, that they were caused by my cast being too tight in some places.

The night seemed to go so slowly. I hate phone calls, but I was getting more eager by the hour, as my hand was getting more difficult to deal with, with every moment passing. I was worried both for the increasing pain, and about being able to get to the hospital, should they agree to see me. So when it was around 7, I first texted my neighbor, explaining the situation, asking if she could drive me to the hospital with Skoosh, should I get an appointment. Unfortunately, she wasn't feeling well, and didn't dare to drive now, let alone in a car that's not her own I texted my mum, but there was a chance that she would not have the car. And I texted a good friend.

Mum texted me back first, saying she had the car, and if I knew when I could come in, I should call, and she'd come. Just after that, my friend texted that she would be able to drive me as well, should mum not be able after all. So, I was comforted by that, and counting the minutes until I could call the hospital.

I called, waited a little while, explained my situation, and they connected me to the casting department. Nope, I wasn't going to be in a show. 😉 The other type of cast. I explained the situation again, told them that I was experiencing quite a bit of pain. I was hoping they'd tell me to come in as soon as I had a ride. But nope, they had two times for me: 12 and 13:30. When I hung up, it was 8:45, and I already burst out in tears every now and then, when a flash of pain shot through my thumb. It was so bad at times, that even Koa came to lick my tears, and give me a cuddle (before he started his nibbles again).

I walked with Koa, had some food, watched some telly, and cried from time to time. Those hours until my mum came seemed to go even slower than the ones during the night. When mum came, she and I walked Koa together. I set up my tablet with the camera cam, and crated Koa with a few snacks. Then, mum drove me to the hospital, while I was checking on Koa on my phone. Koa barked just a few times, and then he seemed to quickly settle down. I didn't monitor him all the time while we were in the waiting room. But what I saw, made me rather proud. And heck, I needed that.

The wait in the hospital was so bad. I could not properly breathe away the pain anymore. I was so stressed that people without pain got called in again and again, and I was there, waiting while suppressing the anxiety that I had now. So much pain, some anger over the longer wait, and the worries over my fingers losing feeling. I was sweating like crazy, and really struggling to keep it together as much as I could. When I got called in, I almost stumbled over because I was so dizzy.

The cast specialist did his best to comfort me, but I was way passed that. I just needed that relief so badly. I needed to get warm hands again. To feel my fingers properly again. For the tingling to buzz off. And for the pain flashes to stop shooting through my thumb. When the cast got cut open, instead of feeling relief, I felt an increase of pain, and I panicked. All night and all morning, I had been looking forward to get to the moment where all these symptoms I just mentioned would just easily flow away when the pressure of the cast was taken off. And when this didn't happen, I freaked out. So the cast man had some work to do to get me breathing properly again. Ugh, I felt a bit ashamed of how badly I was handling this. But I had been in pain for about 18 hours, which has slowly gotten worse until the point of me not being able to handle it properly anymore.

After some time, I was calm enough for the specialist to provide me with a new cast. Mum and I headed home, with a pitstop at the supermarket. When we get home, Koa was still such a good boy. But when I released him, he got over-excited and threw my drink on the floor. Fortunately, mum was able to quickly clean it up. After that, mum walked a bit with Koa, while I made his meal. Mum went back home, while Koa was enjoying his meal.

I slowly got everything ready for bed, as I had taken my meds, and my hand finally started to feel a bit better. Koa and I went to bed, where I watched a little on my tablet, before I was relaxed enough to try and get some sleep. After a while I dozed off. I woke up a few times, and took Koa out once. When he woke me up again, I was still tired. But my body was rather sore, so it was time to get up, and take my meds. So, we got up, and Koa and I started our "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

Question for my fellow #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAuDHD folks:
Are you able to consistently engage online with communities that you *want* to be a part of, like for a hobby, a special interest, or a guild for a multiplayer game? If yes: how?
I find myself either hyperfocusing on a community and then not doing anything else, forgetting that it exists while I engage with my hobbies alone, or needing so much alone time that almost any kind of social interaction seems too much.

Question for my fellow #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAuDHD folks:
Are you able to consistently engage online with communities that you *want* to be a part of, like for a hobby, a special interest, or a guild for a multiplayer game? If yes: how?
I find myself either hyperfocusing on a community and then not doing anything else, forgetting that it exists while I engage with my hobbies alone, or needing so much alone time that almost any kind of social interaction seems too much.

#Journal of a Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Sunday, 09/08/2026).

I didn’t have the worst night, as at least I got a few hours of sleep. But when I got up, I still felt so very tired, and so extremely sore. I am struggling to keep going. It’s just been too much lately, and there has been no real chance of any recovery, before the next thing hit. But yeah, it was time to get up and start the “day”.

I got dressed, took my meds, and prepped Koa's food. When he was finished, we got to the couch, where I got my laptop. I started writing my email to my sweet friend
Typing went slow and was a little painful at times. But, I managed to write a bit of a decent mail, and I sent it. Then, I fixed some brekkie.

After my meal, I took Koa for a short walk. Then I got back to my laptop, where I worked hard on my journal Toot. I really annoy myself with the lack of speed, and the amount of typos. It just feels like writing the Toot is taking ages, and so many spoons. But, after some grumbling, I managed to finish the Toot. I uploaded it to all the usual places. Then it was time to put away the laptop.

I walked again with the furball, and then I made him some food. After that, I made some food for myself. I was glad that I didn't feel as nauseous as I'd done the previous days. After some food, I tried to relax a bit. I had a slight, but very annoying, headache. By back was killing me. Me left shoulder was still so painful. I have no idea what happened to it. It was OK before the surgery. But ever since I came home again, it's been so terribly painful. So I really hoped that I could unwind a bit while watching some telly.

I walked with Koa again, and then we went to the garden. I got the nozzle, so I could hose down the grass again. Of course, when the little monster saw me with it, it meant I had to be really careful. I managed to keep Koa at bay, while hopefully having rinsed the artificial green well enough. I tried to dry off the maniac, and then I needed some dry pants.

After that, I tried to get some more relaxing in. But, the way my body and brain feel like at the moment, I just can't seem to unwind. I keep feeling pain, I'm so uncomfortable all the time, I'm tired of being exhausted, and I'm really struggling with my emotions. It's just been too much, too long, and I've pushed myself to the edge of the void... And, the way I've been feeling lately, I've had thoughts of just jumping in and leaving everything behind. Ugh...

I tried to distract myself from these thoughts and feelings. Took Koa out for a little walk, and then we waited on a good friend to come by. She was bringing some groceries, as unfortunately I was in no state to get them. I had hoped to have been able to walk to the store, but since my left shoulder was so bad, I wasn't able to carry a backpack properly. So thankfully, my dear friend was able to help me out.

When she arrived, we put away the groceries. After that, we took Koa for a little walk. It was already rather hot, so we took a path with the most shade. Koa got his sniffs in, and his business done. When we got back, I started preparing things for bedtime. Our friend left, and Koa and I went to bed. I watched a bit of a series on my tablet first. Then, I switched to my book. Koa wanted out so I got up again. When we went back to bed, it didn't take me too long to fall asleep.

I woke up once more as Koa wanted to go out again. I was able to sleep a bit more, until Koa woke me up, again. I still felt so tired, but... I got up, and we started our "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Sunday, 09/08/2026).

I didn’t have the worst night, as at least I got a few hours of sleep. But when I got up, I still felt so very tired, and so extremely sore. I am struggling to keep going. It’s just been too much lately, and there has been no real chance of any recovery, before the next thing hit. But yeah, it was time to get up and start the “day”.

I got dressed, took my meds, and prepped Koa's food. When he was finished, we got to the couch, where I got my laptop. I started writing my email to my sweet friend
Typing went slow and was a little painful at times. But, I managed to write a bit of a decent mail, and I sent it. Then, I fixed some brekkie.

After my meal, I took Koa for a short walk. Then I got back to my laptop, where I worked hard on my journal Toot. I really annoy myself with the lack of speed, and the amount of typos. It just feels like writing the Toot is taking ages, and so many spoons. But, after some grumbling, I managed to finish the Toot. I uploaded it to all the usual places. Then it was time to put away the laptop.

I walked again with the furball, and then I made him some food. After that, I made some food for myself. I was glad that I didn't feel as nauseous as I'd done the previous days. After some food, I tried to relax a bit. I had a slight, but very annoying, headache. By back was killing me. Me left shoulder was still so painful. I have no idea what happened to it. It was OK before the surgery. But ever since I came home again, it's been so terribly painful. So I really hoped that I could unwind a bit while watching some telly.

I walked with Koa again, and then we went to the garden. I got the nozzle, so I could hose down the grass again. Of course, when the little monster saw me with it, it meant I had to be really careful. I managed to keep Koa at bay, while hopefully having rinsed the artificial green well enough. I tried to dry off the maniac, and then I needed some dry pants.

After that, I tried to get some more relaxing in. But, the way my body and brain feel like at the moment, I just can't seem to unwind. I keep feeling pain, I'm so uncomfortable all the time, I'm tired of being exhausted, and I'm really struggling with my emotions. It's just been too much, too long, and I've pushed myself to the edge of the void... And, the way I've been feeling lately, I've had thoughts of just jumping in and leaving everything behind. Ugh...

I tried to distract myself from these thoughts and feelings. Took Koa out for a little walk, and then we waited on a good friend to come by. She was bringing some groceries, as unfortunately I was in no state to get them. I had hoped to have been able to walk to the store, but since my left shoulder was so bad, I wasn't able to carry a backpack properly. So thankfully, my dear friend was able to help me out.

When she arrived, we put away the groceries. After that, we took Koa for a little walk. It was already rather hot, so we took a path with the most shade. Koa got his sniffs in, and his business done. When we got back, I started preparing things for bedtime. Our friend left, and Koa and I went to bed. I watched a bit of a series on my tablet first. Then, I switched to my book. Koa wanted out so I got up again. When we went back to bed, it didn't take me too long to fall asleep.

I woke up once more as Koa wanted to go out again. I was able to sleep a bit more, until Koa woke me up, again. I still felt so tired, but... I got up, and we started our "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a burping Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Friday, 07/08/2026).

What a crappy night… I feel so broken and sore, and I struggled to keep going. It had taken me 4 hours to finally doze off. I woke up after am hour, as Koa needed a potty break. I got back to bed, and my body had allowed me one more hour of sleep. When I woke up again, I was nauseous, many of my muscles felt like I’d been hit by a truck, and I had a headache that made me look cross-eyed at times. Ugh, this wasn’t normal after a surgery like the one I had. I had so many symptoms, and they just didn’t “match” the situation. Which got me worried, as there must be some reason for all these extras I was dealing with. But, I’d have to wait until my mum would come to us, so we could call the hospital, and ask them about it.

I got dressed, fixed Koa’s meal, and I took my meds. We got to the couch together, where I got my laptop. I started writing my email to my sweet friend. I was a bit frustrated, as typing was slow, my fingers were sore, and I had to correct a bigger than usual amount of typos. But, I kept trying, and in the end, I could press the send button on a decent enough email. I struggled a bit, but managed to make myself some brekkie. When I was done, I put on my shoes, and took Koa out for a short walk. When we got back, I got back to the laptop, where I wrote my journal toot.

I also made good on a promise I made to an online friend. They have made an album, and there is a nice way to order it on vinyl. As it’s a special pressing, and it needs to be shipped a decent way, the costs were a little higher than for a usual vinyl. But, I want to grow my little vinyl collection when I can, and I want to support my friend by getting his album. So, when I got some good news of a bit of money coming to me, I made due on my promise and… I ordered the vinyl! Now I’ll have to be patient, as it needs to be pressed, and then shipped… But, I know it will be coming my way soon, which is so cool.

When I was finally done with the journal toot, I put away the laptop. I went out for another short walk with Koa, and then I tried to relax a little on the couch. I felt so sore, and exhausted, and ever since I ate my brekkie, I had been nauseous and burping like a mad-woman. I tried to relax, but it just seemed impossible. The nausea, the muscle pains, the headache, the pain in my mouth from the sores… I just felt so terrible, and a bit sorry for myself for having to deal with this all. I got so worried about these symptoms, where did they come from, why was I dealing with them? Of course these worries didn’t help me to feel any better, and I just tried to make it through the night, while doing my best to care for Koa (and myself).

I tried a little longer walk with Koa, and it went OK enough, but it hurt me, and wore me out as well. Then mum texted that she was coming our way. I tried to help mum to get the things from the car. When all was done, mum called the hospital for me, to ask about these symptoms I was dealing with. They assured mum that no Naproxen had been given to me. And that the side effects probably came from the anesthesia. And I just didn’t get it… I’ve had anesthesia enough times to know how I usually react to it. And I was experiencing exactly the same symptoms as I had after the second surgery, when I was given more Naproxen. So yeah, even though they were sure of me not getting those meds, I was very curious where these exact same symptoms were coming from then… Mum called the GP, and got them to get me some meds against the extreme nausea.

After the calls, mum headed back home again. I had asked my neighbor if she had time and energy to take young Master Koa for a walk, as I was dead tired, and he was eager to release some of his energy. She was willing and able to take him for a nice walk, for which Koa and I were very grateful. I chatted to a good friend, and as I mentioned to him that I didn’t know if the pharmacy was indeed coming by this afternoon, and he was so sweet and called the pharmacy for me to check. They were indeed coming over this afternoon, so I knew I had to wait until they’d done the delivery.

When the meds had been delivered, I already had everything prepped so Koa and I could head to bed. I was really hoping I would be able to get some sleep, as I felt like a steaming load of crap… It didn’t take too long before I was able to doze off. About 5 hours later, Koa woke me up for a potty break. We went back to bed, and Koa allowed me another two hours before waking me up again. I could have done with some more sleep, but according to my body, it was time to start moving again. It took me almost 5 minutes to get out of bed, as I was so stiff and sore… But, I managed to get up, and Koa and I started our “day” together.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a burping Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Friday, 07/08/2026).

What a crappy night… I feel so broken and sore, and I struggled to keep going. It had taken me 4 hours to finally doze off. I woke up after am hour, as Koa needed a potty break. I got back to bed, and my body had allowed me one more hour of sleep. When I woke up again, I was nauseous, many of my muscles felt like I’d been hit by a truck, and I had a headache that made me look cross-eyed at times. Ugh, this wasn’t normal after a surgery like the one I had. I had so many symptoms, and they just didn’t “match” the situation. Which got me worried, as there must be some reason for all these extras I was dealing with. But, I’d have to wait until my mum would come to us, so we could call the hospital, and ask them about it.

I got dressed, fixed Koa’s meal, and I took my meds. We got to the couch together, where I got my laptop. I started writing my email to my sweet friend. I was a bit frustrated, as typing was slow, my fingers were sore, and I had to correct a bigger than usual amount of typos. But, I kept trying, and in the end, I could press the send button on a decent enough email. I struggled a bit, but managed to make myself some brekkie. When I was done, I put on my shoes, and took Koa out for a short walk. When we got back, I got back to the laptop, where I wrote my journal toot.

I also made good on a promise I made to an online friend. They have made an album, and there is a nice way to order it on vinyl. As it’s a special pressing, and it needs to be shipped a decent way, the costs were a little higher than for a usual vinyl. But, I want to grow my little vinyl collection when I can, and I want to support my friend by getting his album. So, when I got some good news of a bit of money coming to me, I made due on my promise and… I ordered the vinyl! Now I’ll have to be patient, as it needs to be pressed, and then shipped… But, I know it will be coming my way soon, which is so cool.

When I was finally done with the journal toot, I put away the laptop. I went out for another short walk with Koa, and then I tried to relax a little on the couch. I felt so sore, and exhausted, and ever since I ate my brekkie, I had been nauseous and burping like a mad-woman. I tried to relax, but it just seemed impossible. The nausea, the muscle pains, the headache, the pain in my mouth from the sores… I just felt so terrible, and a bit sorry for myself for having to deal with this all. I got so worried about these symptoms, where did they come from, why was I dealing with them? Of course these worries didn’t help me to feel any better, and I just tried to make it through the night, while doing my best to care for Koa (and myself).

I tried a little longer walk with Koa, and it went OK enough, but it hurt me, and wore me out as well. Then mum texted that she was coming our way. I tried to help mum to get the things from the car. When all was done, mum called the hospital for me, to ask about these symptoms I was dealing with. They assured mum that no Naproxen had been given to me. And that the side effects probably came from the anesthesia. And I just didn’t get it… I’ve had anesthesia enough times to know how I usually react to it. And I was experiencing exactly the same symptoms as I had after the second surgery, when I was given more Naproxen. So yeah, even though they were sure of me not getting those meds, I was very curious where these exact same symptoms were coming from then… Mum called the GP, and got them to get me some meds against the extreme nausea.

After the calls, mum headed back home again. I had asked my neighbor if she had time and energy to take young Master Koa for a walk, as I was dead tired, and he was eager to release some of his energy. She was willing and able to take him for a nice walk, for which Koa and I were very grateful. I chatted to a good friend, and as I mentioned to him that I didn’t know if the pharmacy was indeed coming by this afternoon, and he was so sweet and called the pharmacy for me to check. They were indeed coming over this afternoon, so I knew I had to wait until they’d done the delivery.

When the meds had been delivered, I already had everything prepped so Koa and I could head to bed. I was really hoping I would be able to get some sleep, as I felt like a steaming load of crap… It didn’t take too long before I was able to doze off. About 5 hours later, Koa woke me up for a potty break. We went back to bed, and Koa allowed me another two hours before waking me up again. I could have done with some more sleep, but according to my body, it was time to start moving again. It took me almost 5 minutes to get out of bed, as I was so stiff and sore… But, I managed to get up, and Koa and I started our “day” together.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of an exhausted and sore Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Thursday, 06/08/2026).

Well, after the first night having gone OK enough, this second one was crap. I was so tired, and I just could not get to sleep. I had muscle aches, felt nauseated, my tinnitus got worse, and even half a sleeping pill didn’t do too much (maybe because Koa woke me up after 3½ hours for his potty break). Even though I barely slept, I did feel a bit better when I woke up, than I did before I managed to doze off. But it was hard to get up, as I felt sore and tired, and somehow, I felt a bit nauseous too. But, I thought that this, together with the dry mouth, was because I’d taken half a sleeping pill.

I got dressed, took my meds, and prepped Koa’s meal. When Koa had finished his kibble, we headed to the couch. With some efforts, I was able to set up my laptop. I started with writing an email to my sweet friend. It was quite a challenge, and with all the typos I made, it took me quite some time to finish the email. When I had sent it, I fixed myself some brekkie. But, I wasn’t really too hungry, and my mouth hurt a bit when I ate. I managed to finish the meal, but after that, I was a tad nauseous for some time. I thought it was because of the sleeping pill, and didn’t think too much about it.

I took Koa outside for a short walk, which is quite a challenge, especially when he does a number 2. I managed a short walk with him, and then we went back home again. And then, we had to go around the house, as I wasn’t able to open the front door with my one hand. We got back to the couch, where I started writing my journal toot. This turned out to be quite a chore, which took me several hours to be able to finish it.

I got distracted by several things, Koa had to go out a few times, my hand hurt so it took longer to type, and it was a long journal toot, as a lot had happened. Bit by bit, I managed to finish the journal post, and upload it to the appropriate places. I chatted a bit with a friend, and then I relaxed with some telly.

When our friend arrived, we went for a little walk first. Then, we called the vet, and made an appointment together for Koa, for a titer test, and to help with cleaning his ears. We scheduled it, and then headed to the garden, to try and tackle the last bit of grass. Unfortunately, I was absolutely useless, and could not manage to help in any good way. Which made me feel like crap, because we were supposed to tackle this chore together. But fortunately, my friend understood the situation, and she did her best to tackle it, under my lousy guidance.

Unfortunately, my friend had to leave earlier than we originally planned, which made it a bit stressful and hasty. But we got most of it done, well, she did, so the rest we’d see about during her next visit to Koa and me. She rushed to her appointment, and I did my best cleaning everything up. I thought I should be feeling hungry, but I kept feeling nauseated, and my mouth was still dry, and it hurt. I tried to eat a little bit anyway, but it didn’t really settle well.

I was feeling so exhausted, and my arm/wrist/hand was very sore as well. So, Koa and I slowly prepped to head to bed. I wanted to watch some series, and then, hopefully, doze off with my book. So, Koa and I went to bed. And, before long, Koa was snoozing peacefully. But, I could not get comfortable enough. After about 4 hours, I dozed off, for about an hour. I went to the loo, took Koa out, and we went back to bed. I managed another hour, and then I was wide awake again. And I still felt so exhausted.

As I got up, I started to wonder... All these symptoms I’ve been struggling with since the surgery... Most of the symptoms could be related to the use of Naproxen, and I told them that I could not use these meds during the pre-surgery check. But yeah, all the symptoms, they fit... So, that’s something that needs to be examined/checked. I know I have been feeling like crap since the surgery, and many things weren’t related to my hand/wrist/arm... Bugger...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of an exhausted and sore Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Thursday, 06/08/2026).

Well, after the first night having gone OK enough, this second one was crap. I was so tired, and I just could not get to sleep. I had muscle aches, felt nauseated, my tinnitus got worse, and even half a sleeping pill didn’t do too much (maybe because Koa woke me up after 3½ hours for his potty break). Even though I barely slept, I did feel a bit better when I woke up, than I did before I managed to doze off. But it was hard to get up, as I felt sore and tired, and somehow, I felt a bit nauseous too. But, I thought that this, together with the dry mouth, was because I’d taken half a sleeping pill.

I got dressed, took my meds, and prepped Koa’s meal. When Koa had finished his kibble, we headed to the couch. With some efforts, I was able to set up my laptop. I started with writing an email to my sweet friend. It was quite a challenge, and with all the typos I made, it took me quite some time to finish the email. When I had sent it, I fixed myself some brekkie. But, I wasn’t really too hungry, and my mouth hurt a bit when I ate. I managed to finish the meal, but after that, I was a tad nauseous for some time. I thought it was because of the sleeping pill, and didn’t think too much about it.

I took Koa outside for a short walk, which is quite a challenge, especially when he does a number 2. I managed a short walk with him, and then we went back home again. And then, we had to go around the house, as I wasn’t able to open the front door with my one hand. We got back to the couch, where I started writing my journal toot. This turned out to be quite a chore, which took me several hours to be able to finish it.

I got distracted by several things, Koa had to go out a few times, my hand hurt so it took longer to type, and it was a long journal toot, as a lot had happened. Bit by bit, I managed to finish the journal post, and upload it to the appropriate places. I chatted a bit with a friend, and then I relaxed with some telly.

When our friend arrived, we went for a little walk first. Then, we called the vet, and made an appointment together for Koa, for a titer test, and to help with cleaning his ears. We scheduled it, and then headed to the garden, to try and tackle the last bit of grass. Unfortunately, I was absolutely useless, and could not manage to help in any good way. Which made me feel like crap, because we were supposed to tackle this chore together. But fortunately, my friend understood the situation, and she did her best to tackle it, under my lousy guidance.

Unfortunately, my friend had to leave earlier than we originally planned, which made it a bit stressful and hasty. But we got most of it done, well, she did, so the rest we’d see about during her next visit to Koa and me. She rushed to her appointment, and I did my best cleaning everything up. I thought I should be feeling hungry, but I kept feeling nauseated, and my mouth was still dry, and it hurt. I tried to eat a little bit anyway, but it didn’t really settle well.

I was feeling so exhausted, and my arm/wrist/hand was very sore as well. So, Koa and I slowly prepped to head to bed. I wanted to watch some series, and then, hopefully, doze off with my book. So, Koa and I went to bed. And, before long, Koa was snoozing peacefully. But, I could not get comfortable enough. After about 4 hours, I dozed off, for about an hour. I went to the loo, took Koa out, and we went back to bed. I managed another hour, and then I was wide awake again. And I still felt so exhausted.

As I got up, I started to wonder... All these symptoms I’ve been struggling with since the surgery... Most of the symptoms could be related to the use of Naproxen, and I told them that I could not use these meds during the pre-surgery check. But yeah, all the symptoms, they fit... So, that’s something that needs to be examined/checked. I know I have been feeling like crap since the surgery, and many things weren’t related to my hand/wrist/arm... Bugger...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a sloooow and sore Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Wednesday, 05/08/2026).

Thanks to being very tired, and probably some of the hospital drugs still being in my system, I had been able to doze off more quickly than I had expected. I woke up a few times, due to my hand, due to Koa, and due to myself needing a potty break. But, when I woke up again, according to my watch, I had been able to sleep about 7 hours, so not too bad at all. I got up, took my meds, fixed Koa’s meal, and started the challenge of undressing and getting myself dressed. When Koa finished his meal, we got to the couch, where I tried to get my laptop, so I could start the email to my sweet friend.

The typing went slow, and was sore at times. But, I managed to write a decent email to him, with some distractions here and there. So it took me quite some time, buy in the end, I got to the “press send” option, and that felt good. I managed to fix myself some brekkie, as I was rather hungry, to be honest… And then, the “struggles & distractions” began… I tried to write my journal toot, but I kept being distracted. I also annoyed myself with all the mistakes that I kept making. And then I got a tad frustrated that things were going so slow… Part of me just wanted to put the laptop away, and try to relax. But I also really wanted to get that journal toot properly finished, and uploaded to the usual places.

I popped in a Muppets movie, and watched half of it, while trying to write my toot. When the movie ended, I took Koa out for another short walk (which was very challenging for sure). I popped in a second Muppets movie, and continued trying to finally get that toot done. I did get distracted by an email from the tax office, as it had some good news, which was nice. Apparently, I had gotten less allowance than I should have gotten over the year of 2025. So, with some time, I should be receiving the amount due to me. It’s not that much, but still, every bit due is nice and welcome. Maybe I can slowly try to save up again, so some day, I may finally get myself that new sound system, (some day… 😇). No “worries”, I am not getting that much money, haha, if only that could happen… I’d be over the moon for sure…

After another walk with Koa, I finally managed to finish the journal toot. I felt like it had taken me all night, which of course was true, haha. As I got up around 2, and spent some time on the email first, and then finally uploaded the journal, just a little past 8… Yeah, it’s taken me quite some time, and I was kinda done with it. It felt like a never-ending chore, which took the fun out of writing it and all… 😞

I tried to relax for a while, and then took Koa for another short walk. I had asked my sweet neighbor if she would have some energy and time to take Koa and me for a bit longer walk. She texted back that she’d be able to around 11. So that was very nice indeed, as it meant that Koa and I could get a bit of a proper walk in. We relaxed for a while, while I tried to catch up with my social media notifications.

A little before 11, we got ready to walk with the neighbor. The weather was nice enough, and we had a good walk, which I think Koa enjoyed a lot too. When we got back, I was hoping for some relaxing time. Unfortunately, Koa wasn’t too keen in relaxing just yet, and he was whining about something, and I could not figure out what was bothering him. Which was annoying the heck out of me, because I knew I had been giving him all that he needed and could want for. I wish he could just tell me why he keeps on whining from time to time, as I would love to understand him better…

After some telly time, I was getting very tired. My arm and hand were getting more sore too, probably because I had done too much with it. So, I slowly started preparing to getting ready for bed. Took my meds, gathered all the things, and Koa and I went to bed. Within a short while, Koa was already snoozing, but I was still wide awake, struggling with the pain in my hand.

I had taken an extra painkiller, and was hoping that this would do the trick to be able to doze off. But… I watched Downton Abbey, and didn’t manage to doze off. I switched sides, read my book, and still could not get comfortable. I even took another painkiller, as I just could not find a way to make my arm comfortable, even with extra pillows and all that jazz. After several hours of being exhausted but wide awake, I got up for a while.

Koa was restless, and my stomach was rumbling. So, I got something to drink, fixed myself a little snack, and I watched some telly. After a while, I got the sleeping pills that I had left over from last year, after the most traumatic events ever happened within 5 days time… I took out one pill, cut it in half, and took it. I hate using these pills, as they always give me such a nasty taste in my mouth afterward. But, I was too tired and sore, and I needed some sleep, somehow…

Koa went to the crate, I went to bed. And, according to my watch, within a few minutes, I was already snoozing. After about 3½ hours, I woke up again, as Koa was whining. He had to go out for a number two. I had hoped to get a bit more sleep, but my wrist was already tingling wildly, and I felt myself becoming wide awake again. So, I guess that 3½ hours was all I’d be getting tonight… So, Koa and I got up, and we started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a sloooow and sore Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Wednesday, 05/08/2026).

Thanks to being very tired, and probably some of the hospital drugs still being in my system, I had been able to doze off more quickly than I had expected. I woke up a few times, due to my hand, due to Koa, and due to myself needing a potty break. But, when I woke up again, according to my watch, I had been able to sleep about 7 hours, so not too bad at all. I got up, took my meds, fixed Koa’s meal, and started the challenge of undressing and getting myself dressed. When Koa finished his meal, we got to the couch, where I tried to get my laptop, so I could start the email to my sweet friend.

The typing went slow, and was sore at times. But, I managed to write a decent email to him, with some distractions here and there. So it took me quite some time, buy in the end, I got to the “press send” option, and that felt good. I managed to fix myself some brekkie, as I was rather hungry, to be honest… And then, the “struggles & distractions” began… I tried to write my journal toot, but I kept being distracted. I also annoyed myself with all the mistakes that I kept making. And then I got a tad frustrated that things were going so slow… Part of me just wanted to put the laptop away, and try to relax. But I also really wanted to get that journal toot properly finished, and uploaded to the usual places.

I popped in a Muppets movie, and watched half of it, while trying to write my toot. When the movie ended, I took Koa out for another short walk (which was very challenging for sure). I popped in a second Muppets movie, and continued trying to finally get that toot done. I did get distracted by an email from the tax office, as it had some good news, which was nice. Apparently, I had gotten less allowance than I should have gotten over the year of 2025. So, with some time, I should be receiving the amount due to me. It’s not that much, but still, every bit due is nice and welcome. Maybe I can slowly try to save up again, so some day, I may finally get myself that new sound system, (some day… 😇). No “worries”, I am not getting that much money, haha, if only that could happen… I’d be over the moon for sure…

After another walk with Koa, I finally managed to finish the journal toot. I felt like it had taken me all night, which of course was true, haha. As I got up around 2, and spent some time on the email first, and then finally uploaded the journal, just a little past 8… Yeah, it’s taken me quite some time, and I was kinda done with it. It felt like a never-ending chore, which took the fun out of writing it and all… 😞

I tried to relax for a while, and then took Koa for another short walk. I had asked my sweet neighbor if she would have some energy and time to take Koa and me for a bit longer walk. She texted back that she’d be able to around 11. So that was very nice indeed, as it meant that Koa and I could get a bit of a proper walk in. We relaxed for a while, while I tried to catch up with my social media notifications.

A little before 11, we got ready to walk with the neighbor. The weather was nice enough, and we had a good walk, which I think Koa enjoyed a lot too. When we got back, I was hoping for some relaxing time. Unfortunately, Koa wasn’t too keen in relaxing just yet, and he was whining about something, and I could not figure out what was bothering him. Which was annoying the heck out of me, because I knew I had been giving him all that he needed and could want for. I wish he could just tell me why he keeps on whining from time to time, as I would love to understand him better…

After some telly time, I was getting very tired. My arm and hand were getting more sore too, probably because I had done too much with it. So, I slowly started preparing to getting ready for bed. Took my meds, gathered all the things, and Koa and I went to bed. Within a short while, Koa was already snoozing, but I was still wide awake, struggling with the pain in my hand.

I had taken an extra painkiller, and was hoping that this would do the trick to be able to doze off. But… I watched Downton Abbey, and didn’t manage to doze off. I switched sides, read my book, and still could not get comfortable. I even took another painkiller, as I just could not find a way to make my arm comfortable, even with extra pillows and all that jazz. After several hours of being exhausted but wide awake, I got up for a while.

Koa was restless, and my stomach was rumbling. So, I got something to drink, fixed myself a little snack, and I watched some telly. After a while, I got the sleeping pills that I had left over from last year, after the most traumatic events ever happened within 5 days time… I took out one pill, cut it in half, and took it. I hate using these pills, as they always give me such a nasty taste in my mouth afterward. But, I was too tired and sore, and I needed some sleep, somehow…

Koa went to the crate, I went to bed. And, according to my watch, within a few minutes, I was already snoozing. After about 3½ hours, I woke up again, as Koa was whining. He had to go out for a number two. I had hoped to get a bit more sleep, but my wrist was already tingling wildly, and I felt myself becoming wide awake again. So, I guess that 3½ hours was all I’d be getting tonight… So, Koa and I got up, and we started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly anxious Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Monday, 03/08/2026).

I didn't have the best night. Meds that don't last long enough, a dog that needs potty breaks, I needed potty breaks, and then a buzzing terrorist 🦟 that bugged me several times. But it is as it is, and when Koa and I started our "day", we tried to make the best of it. And what a day it would turn out to be...

I wrote an email to my sweet friend. And then I had my brekkie. I took out Koa for a walk, and then I finished the journal Toot. I uploaded it to all the usual bits, and then put away the laptop. I managed to get a half hour walk in on the treadmill. Only at 4 km/h again, but still, I'll take it, as it does mean some progress.

I went upstairs, folded the laundry, took it down, and cleaned it up. I walked with Koa again, and then fixed some food for both him and myself. We went on another walk, and then I tried to relax for a bit. Until I remembered I still had to vacuum, so I got the little one. And then... Koa tried to help me again and again, and it hurt me, as it made it so hard for both my back and my hands. So, I yelled at him and sent him into the garden. I felt bad for it. But he does need to learn that no really means no, and not "just keep doing as you are"...

When I finished the vacuuming, I was so tired and sweaty. I needed some time to relax, before the coach would be arriving. When she did, we chatted for a while, has a little fun with Koa, and then arranged some of the paperwork that needs to be done in time for the city's approval and all.

The coach left, I walked Koa, and then I wanted some food before we had to leave to head to Nijmegen. I had just fixed some food, and then my phone rang. I just missed it because I could not answer with my mouth full, and I saw it was the hospital. So, I called back and... They has a spot open up for me... Tomorrow! Which meant I had about 15 minutes to arrange things and call them back with a yes or a no... Holy crap!

I tried to call my mum. And... Of course it went to voicemail 4 times in a row, making me so stressed... I tried the home phone, and that one she did answer. So I quickly tried to explain and ask, while mum tried to explain her side, which wasn't really helpful, as I was on a clock... But, we got things sorted, and I could call the hospital with an OK. After that, I called the neighbor, tried to explain the situation, and, thankfully, she was OK with being "on call", should I need help with walking Koa in the next few days. I have no idea how much pain/discomfort the surgery and cast would give me. I was/am so grateful for people helping me like that. 😊

But I was also stressed... My food had run cold, I had made so many calls, and now I had to sort everything out so that I would be all set for the surgery. I had to get the crate out, to take it to my parents, so they had it for when Koa was coming. I had to take myself and Koa to Nijmegen, as the hairdresser was coming. And I did need a good shearing 🐑 as my wool was thick, curly, and hot.

We arrived safe and sound. We chatted a bit about the upcoming surgery, and I was a bit stressed for all the silly ways things were going... My hair got cut, and mum and I were able to cut some of the hair between Koa's pads. He had longer hair there, and with the warm weather, and with grass ears (I hope this translation is correct) everywhere, it's good to be able to quickly either cool or check his paws. After that, Koa and I went back home. And I was very grateful for Skoosh her aircon system, as it was around 33°C.

We got home, I fixed food for Koa and myself, and I tried to contact the pharmacy ⚕️. Another call... And they were closed till 2, so I had to wait and try again. I managed another call, and they told me there had been a glitch in the system, and the orders from Friday had not properly come through. Hence me not receiving my meds before the weekend. I explained the situation, of needing the meds, and of the upcoming surgery, and not being able to drive then... She told me she'd contact the GP, to make sure that I could pick it up tonight. Yay!

I got ready for bed. I was exhausted... I was anxious, and a bit scared... What if this surgery would go wrong... 🫣 Ugh... Then, I saw I missed a call from the GP. I tried to call back, and didn't get through the machine. I had to wait to call back later. I was soooo done with calling. But things needed to be arranged... Ugh... I called back, learned about the call, things were set, and then I tried to get some sleep.

I slept a bit, had to use to loo. Slept some more. Koa needed the loo. And slept again, until a buzzing terrorist 🦟 kept bugging me over and over. So, I got up, earlier than I hoped for... And we started our long day... At least I'd have enough time to prepare everything, and triple check it of course, and have a proper meal, before I would not be allowed to eat (and drink) all I liked anymore... Surgery prep...

Hey ho, fingers crossed 🤞🏻 for a good and successful 🍀 day!

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly anxious Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Monday, 03/08/2026).

I didn't have the best night. Meds that don't last long enough, a dog that needs potty breaks, I needed potty breaks, and then a buzzing terrorist 🦟 that bugged me several times. But it is as it is, and when Koa and I started our "day", we tried to make the best of it. And what a day it would turn out to be...

I wrote an email to my sweet friend. And then I had my brekkie. I took out Koa for a walk, and then I finished the journal Toot. I uploaded it to all the usual bits, and then put away the laptop. I managed to get a half hour walk in on the treadmill. Only at 4 km/h again, but still, I'll take it, as it does mean some progress.

I went upstairs, folded the laundry, took it down, and cleaned it up. I walked with Koa again, and then fixed some food for both him and myself. We went on another walk, and then I tried to relax for a bit. Until I remembered I still had to vacuum, so I got the little one. And then... Koa tried to help me again and again, and it hurt me, as it made it so hard for both my back and my hands. So, I yelled at him and sent him into the garden. I felt bad for it. But he does need to learn that no really means no, and not "just keep doing as you are"...

When I finished the vacuuming, I was so tired and sweaty. I needed some time to relax, before the coach would be arriving. When she did, we chatted for a while, has a little fun with Koa, and then arranged some of the paperwork that needs to be done in time for the city's approval and all.

The coach left, I walked Koa, and then I wanted some food before we had to leave to head to Nijmegen. I had just fixed some food, and then my phone rang. I just missed it because I could not answer with my mouth full, and I saw it was the hospital. So, I called back and... They has a spot open up for me... Tomorrow! Which meant I had about 15 minutes to arrange things and call them back with a yes or a no... Holy crap!

I tried to call my mum. And... Of course it went to voicemail 4 times in a row, making me so stressed... I tried the home phone, and that one she did answer. So I quickly tried to explain and ask, while mum tried to explain her side, which wasn't really helpful, as I was on a clock... But, we got things sorted, and I could call the hospital with an OK. After that, I called the neighbor, tried to explain the situation, and, thankfully, she was OK with being "on call", should I need help with walking Koa in the next few days. I have no idea how much pain/discomfort the surgery and cast would give me. I was/am so grateful for people helping me like that. 😊

But I was also stressed... My food had run cold, I had made so many calls, and now I had to sort everything out so that I would be all set for the surgery. I had to get the crate out, to take it to my parents, so they had it for when Koa was coming. I had to take myself and Koa to Nijmegen, as the hairdresser was coming. And I did need a good shearing 🐑 as my wool was thick, curly, and hot.

We arrived safe and sound. We chatted a bit about the upcoming surgery, and I was a bit stressed for all the silly ways things were going... My hair got cut, and mum and I were able to cut some of the hair between Koa's pads. He had longer hair there, and with the warm weather, and with grass ears (I hope this translation is correct) everywhere, it's good to be able to quickly either cool or check his paws. After that, Koa and I went back home. And I was very grateful for Skoosh her aircon system, as it was around 33°C.

We got home, I fixed food for Koa and myself, and I tried to contact the pharmacy ⚕️. Another call... And they were closed till 2, so I had to wait and try again. I managed another call, and they told me there had been a glitch in the system, and the orders from Friday had not properly come through. Hence me not receiving my meds before the weekend. I explained the situation, of needing the meds, and of the upcoming surgery, and not being able to drive then... She told me she'd contact the GP, to make sure that I could pick it up tonight. Yay!

I got ready for bed. I was exhausted... I was anxious, and a bit scared... What if this surgery would go wrong... 🫣 Ugh... Then, I saw I missed a call from the GP. I tried to call back, and didn't get through the machine. I had to wait to call back later. I was soooo done with calling. But things needed to be arranged... Ugh... I called back, learned about the call, things were set, and then I tried to get some sleep.

I slept a bit, had to use to loo. Slept some more. Koa needed the loo. And slept again, until a buzzing terrorist 🦟 kept bugging me over and over. So, I got up, earlier than I hoped for... And we started our long day... At least I'd have enough time to prepare everything, and triple check it of course, and have a proper meal, before I would not be allowed to eat (and drink) all I liked anymore... Surgery prep...

Hey ho, fingers crossed 🤞🏻 for a good and successful 🍀 day!

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Sunday, 02/08/2026).

I had a bit of a mixed night. My back wasn’t too pleased, the short working meds kept bugging out, making it very painful to try and get up from bed. There was a dog that needed a potty break at times. There was a buzzing terrorist that woke me up once too… Ah well, I guess it’s just how things are these days… How they have been for a while now. And while I still hope that things will get better soon, I feel like I have been waiting for that soon to come for quite some time now. But, when I woke up again, my back was bad, Koa wanted out of the crate, so I just got up and started my “day”.

I got to the scale, which was less bad than I had thought it would be. It’s not good, nope, but it was less bad than I thought… I got dressed, took my meds, fixed Koa’s meal. When Koa finished, we got to the couch. I grabbed my laptop, and I wrote an email to my sweet friend. When I sent it, I fixed some brekkie. I took Koa out for a short walk, and then I started writing my journal toot. I wrote it on my phone, and when I was done, uploaded it to some of the usual bits. I watched telly while I edited some of the screengrabs that I had taken from Saturday’s video.

I tried to relax for a bit, took Koa on several short walks, and I spent some time reading my book. I felt tired, and I also felt like I should do something today, achieve something today. Even if it would not make me feel as good as it normally would, it would still mean that something got done. And later on, maybe I could feel good about it then. But, what could I do that would make me feel better?

In the end, I went to shower. Unfortunately, Koa was barking a few times while I was in it. It really worries me that he barks so quickly and easily. I want to start at the gym soon again, and I’m afraid that he will bark way too much while I am away. And since I visit the gym during the night… Ugh…

After the shower, I was tired and I wanted to relax a bit. Unfortunately, Koa kept bugging me, and we had to go out again. So, we went for a short walk, and then I really needed to relax. I tried to read some more, and I fixed some food for both Koa and myself. I managed to relax for a while, and then Koa and I went to the garden, where I cleaned the grass again. Sorry, no video this time… Koa and I went for another short walk. And then, I got the crazy idea to try out the treadmill.

In the end, I managed to walk for half an hour at 4 km/h. Not that fast, but considering all that’s happened lately, it wasn’t too bad at all. I started watching the new Devil Wears Prada movie, which I finished after the walk on the mill. After some relaxing, I took Koa for another short walk.

We spent some time on the couch with some telly. Koa wanted to go into the garden, but if I leave him in there alone, I won’t have any grass left haha. I got the silly idea to get some of the left-over grass, and I took it to the front garden. With some efforts, I managed to get a bit of it cut, and pinned on the black root fabric. It wasn’t great, but it was a lot better than before. But my hands, they hated me, and the last part would have to wait a bit longer. As the weather wasn’t too bad, I got my garden chair out, and I read for a while, while Koa could have fun in the garden.

When my back got too sore, and I got too hot in the sun, I put away the chair, and I got ready to head to bed. I watched a series on my tablet for a while, and when my meds started to help, I grabbed my Kobo, and fell asleep while reading. I woke up for the loo, and to let Koa out. And then I snoozed again, until my back hurt too much, when the meds wore out. I took new meds, and got back to bed. I woke up again when Koa told me it was time to get out of the crate, and to do a wee in the garden. So, we got up and we started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Sunday, 02/08/2026).

I had a bit of a mixed night. My back wasn’t too pleased, the short working meds kept bugging out, making it very painful to try and get up from bed. There was a dog that needed a potty break at times. There was a buzzing terrorist that woke me up once too… Ah well, I guess it’s just how things are these days… How they have been for a while now. And while I still hope that things will get better soon, I feel like I have been waiting for that soon to come for quite some time now. But, when I woke up again, my back was bad, Koa wanted out of the crate, so I just got up and started my “day”.

I got to the scale, which was less bad than I had thought it would be. It’s not good, nope, but it was less bad than I thought… I got dressed, took my meds, fixed Koa’s meal. When Koa finished, we got to the couch. I grabbed my laptop, and I wrote an email to my sweet friend. When I sent it, I fixed some brekkie. I took Koa out for a short walk, and then I started writing my journal toot. I wrote it on my phone, and when I was done, uploaded it to some of the usual bits. I watched telly while I edited some of the screengrabs that I had taken from Saturday’s video.

I tried to relax for a bit, took Koa on several short walks, and I spent some time reading my book. I felt tired, and I also felt like I should do something today, achieve something today. Even if it would not make me feel as good as it normally would, it would still mean that something got done. And later on, maybe I could feel good about it then. But, what could I do that would make me feel better?

In the end, I went to shower. Unfortunately, Koa was barking a few times while I was in it. It really worries me that he barks so quickly and easily. I want to start at the gym soon again, and I’m afraid that he will bark way too much while I am away. And since I visit the gym during the night… Ugh…

After the shower, I was tired and I wanted to relax a bit. Unfortunately, Koa kept bugging me, and we had to go out again. So, we went for a short walk, and then I really needed to relax. I tried to read some more, and I fixed some food for both Koa and myself. I managed to relax for a while, and then Koa and I went to the garden, where I cleaned the grass again. Sorry, no video this time… Koa and I went for another short walk. And then, I got the crazy idea to try out the treadmill.

In the end, I managed to walk for half an hour at 4 km/h. Not that fast, but considering all that’s happened lately, it wasn’t too bad at all. I started watching the new Devil Wears Prada movie, which I finished after the walk on the mill. After some relaxing, I took Koa for another short walk.

We spent some time on the couch with some telly. Koa wanted to go into the garden, but if I leave him in there alone, I won’t have any grass left haha. I got the silly idea to get some of the left-over grass, and I took it to the front garden. With some efforts, I managed to get a bit of it cut, and pinned on the black root fabric. It wasn’t great, but it was a lot better than before. But my hands, they hated me, and the last part would have to wait a bit longer. As the weather wasn’t too bad, I got my garden chair out, and I read for a while, while Koa could have fun in the garden.

When my back got too sore, and I got too hot in the sun, I put away the chair, and I got ready to head to bed. I watched a series on my tablet for a while, and when my meds started to help, I grabbed my Kobo, and fell asleep while reading. I woke up for the loo, and to let Koa out. And then I snoozed again, until my back hurt too much, when the meds wore out. I took new meds, and got back to bed. I woke up again when Koa told me it was time to get out of the crate, and to do a wee in the garden. So, we got up and we started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a tired Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Saturday, 01/08/2026).

I didn't have the best night. Woke up a few times, and my back was not too happy with me either. To make things even harder, when I got up, I saw that I had not received an email with a locker code, so I could not pick up my new meds. Which meant, having no long-lasting meds for the whole weekend... 😔 I still had the shorter working ones, but that meant needing to take more. And that meant they would run out during my sleep... Ugh...

I got dressed, took the meds I did have, and fed Koa. We got to the couch, where I wrote an email to my sweet friend. I made some breakfast, and started my journal Toot while eating. After the meal, Koa and I went out for a short walk. I felt bläh, and I guess Koa did too, as his number two was not as it usually was, and it smelled horrid... I guess the nasty thing he grabbed the other day, and had eaten before I had a chance to take it out of his mouth, was now letting him (and me) know that it wasn't the best thing to have eaten...

We got back home, and I finished my journal Toot. I was tired and so demotivated, that I just crashed on the couch and watched telly... Koa was passing gas, trying to put me in a coma at some times. Because of the upset belly, we had to go outside a few more times. We didn't walk a longer round, as I guess we were both not feeling up to it.

I made some food, started the dishwasher, and made some food for Koa. After one of the short walks, I went upstairs. I managed to ride half an hour, so that was a good thing. Koa and I just took it easy, with short walks every now and then.

After some time, I grabbed the water hose nozzle and "the crowds went wild" 😂. AKA Koa went absolutely nuts! We went outside, and I tried to take a video while I also tried to clean the grass. It was expensive grass (to me, at least), and I want it to last as long as possible. So that means "watering" the fake grass as often as needed, especially when Koa has done his business more in the garden. But, Koa never minds, he loves to "help" me get the chore done! 😁

We went for a short walkies, and picked up my picture parcel from the neighbor. I made a start with sorting out the snaps, but there were so many, and it really wore me out. After some time, my back was too sore, my head was spinning, and I felt exhausted. So Koa enjoyed his meal, we went outside, and then we got to bed. Not to immediately sleep, but to have my head and back relax so they'd stop hurting me as much as they did.

I chatted with a good friend, and I managed to take "a few" screengrabs from the video of Koa playing with the water hose. After some time, I just got too tired. I grabbed my Kobo, and fell asleep while reading.

After some time, Koa woke me up for a garden break. After that, we snoozed some more, until a buzzing terrorist 🦟 woke me up. I went to the loo, let out Koa again, and then snoozed till Koa thought he'd been in the crate too long, and it wad time to get up.

I got to the scale, which was less bad than I had feared. I got dressed, took the meds I had, fed my doggo, and together, we started our new "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a tired Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Saturday, 01/08/2026).

I didn't have the best night. Woke up a few times, and my back was not too happy with me either. To make things even harder, when I got up, I saw that I had not received an email with a locker code, so I could not pick up my new meds. Which meant, having no long-lasting meds for the whole weekend... 😔 I still had the shorter working ones, but that meant needing to take more. And that meant they would run out during my sleep... Ugh...

I got dressed, took the meds I did have, and fed Koa. We got to the couch, where I wrote an email to my sweet friend. I made some breakfast, and started my journal Toot while eating. After the meal, Koa and I went out for a short walk. I felt bläh, and I guess Koa did too, as his number two was not as it usually was, and it smelled horrid... I guess the nasty thing he grabbed the other day, and had eaten before I had a chance to take it out of his mouth, was now letting him (and me) know that it wasn't the best thing to have eaten...

We got back home, and I finished my journal Toot. I was tired and so demotivated, that I just crashed on the couch and watched telly... Koa was passing gas, trying to put me in a coma at some times. Because of the upset belly, we had to go outside a few more times. We didn't walk a longer round, as I guess we were both not feeling up to it.

I made some food, started the dishwasher, and made some food for Koa. After one of the short walks, I went upstairs. I managed to ride half an hour, so that was a good thing. Koa and I just took it easy, with short walks every now and then.

After some time, I grabbed the water hose nozzle and "the crowds went wild" 😂. AKA Koa went absolutely nuts! We went outside, and I tried to take a video while I also tried to clean the grass. It was expensive grass (to me, at least), and I want it to last as long as possible. So that means "watering" the fake grass as often as needed, especially when Koa has done his business more in the garden. But, Koa never minds, he loves to "help" me get the chore done! 😁

We went for a short walkies, and picked up my picture parcel from the neighbor. I made a start with sorting out the snaps, but there were so many, and it really wore me out. After some time, my back was too sore, my head was spinning, and I felt exhausted. So Koa enjoyed his meal, we went outside, and then we got to bed. Not to immediately sleep, but to have my head and back relax so they'd stop hurting me as much as they did.

I chatted with a good friend, and I managed to take "a few" screengrabs from the video of Koa playing with the water hose. After some time, I just got too tired. I grabbed my Kobo, and fell asleep while reading.

After some time, Koa woke me up for a garden break. After that, we snoozed some more, until a buzzing terrorist 🦟 woke me up. I went to the loo, let out Koa again, and then snoozed till Koa thought he'd been in the crate too long, and it wad time to get up.

I got to the scale, which was less bad than I had feared. I got dressed, took the meds I had, fed my doggo, and together, we started our new "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

:kirby_prideheart: Ello sweet and lovely Friendos :purple_heart_sparkle:

#GoodMorning and #TZAG everyone :ablobcatcoffee:

It's been a harder night. I didn't walk a longer route with Koa, as I just didn't have the energy to do that... 😔
I just managed to ride my bike om a low speed for half an hour! *yay me*.
I booked an appointment with my GP for 17/08. The earliest moment (time wise), which I like the best. Hopefully, she will be willing and able to help me with my peri journey. I really think that HRT patches could be beneficial for my health, but I have two more weeks to find out all about it. 😊

The dishwasher has done it's work as well, it's drying now, and then I can clean it out (I'll have to, haha, it has all my now clean big plates in it 😂).

A small part of me, it's saying I should get out some paint, and paint the wall that the coop repair man worked on last Wednesday. It would look a lot better if I would do that... So, maybe I should? 🤔

But, of course, finding the energy, and kicking myself in the butt to actually do it... I know it *needs* to be done eventually, so why not "just" do it and get it done with? 🤔

I used to be someone what would be *very* AuDHD... I mean this in a very positive way! I used to get an idea, then I'd gather all I'd need for that idea, and... I'd do it! I would not think about it too much, I would just think "that's good, I can do that!", and.... There I went!

But, the last few months, I've been noticing this is getting too hard for me to keep doing... I've lost the confidence I had in myself. I keep doubting if I can do things, while I know I used to "just" do things, and have them work out well enough... I lost the energy. There is no motivation. And... When I *finally* do something, I don't feel the joy of it afterwards... There is no dopamine rush. There is no feeling of great accomplishment. There's just the "OK, that's done, it's fine" :thisisfinefire:. And, without that dopamine, without the reward for your brain/body, it's harder and harder to start something else...

As I've shared yesterday, I've learned that dopamine, ADHD, and the peri-menopause aren't the bestest of friends... :parrot_sad: and that's why I really hope that my GP will allow me to try the patches. I *know* they aren't the "holy solution", but... So far, I've heard way more positives than negatives about them, so I *really* want to try them out...

Well... Plans for #Today
Maybe I can try to paint that bit of wall... Maybe? 🤞🏻
Try to get a little longer walk with Koa 🐾
Clean out the dishwasher 🫧
Do the laundry 🧺
Maybe read some more of my book :blobcatbook:
And.........
Try to relax and feel OK enough...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 🫂 🩵 💜 🩷 🐾 :dogeparrot:

#PixysJourney
#ActuallyAuDHD
#PeriMenopause

:kirby_prideheart: Ello sweet and lovely Friendos :purple_heart_sparkle:

#GoodMorning and #TZAG everyone :ablobcatcoffee:

It's been a harder night. I didn't walk a longer route with Koa, as I just didn't have the energy to do that... 😔
I just managed to ride my bike om a low speed for half an hour! *yay me*.
I booked an appointment with my GP for 17/08. The earliest moment (time wise), which I like the best. Hopefully, she will be willing and able to help me with my peri journey. I really think that HRT patches could be beneficial for my health, but I have two more weeks to find out all about it. 😊

The dishwasher has done it's work as well, it's drying now, and then I can clean it out (I'll have to, haha, it has all my now clean big plates in it 😂).

A small part of me, it's saying I should get out some paint, and paint the wall that the coop repair man worked on last Wednesday. It would look a lot better if I would do that... So, maybe I should? 🤔

But, of course, finding the energy, and kicking myself in the butt to actually do it... I know it *needs* to be done eventually, so why not "just" do it and get it done with? 🤔

I used to be someone what would be *very* AuDHD... I mean this in a very positive way! I used to get an idea, then I'd gather all I'd need for that idea, and... I'd do it! I would not think about it too much, I would just think "that's good, I can do that!", and.... There I went!

But, the last few months, I've been noticing this is getting too hard for me to keep doing... I've lost the confidence I had in myself. I keep doubting if I can do things, while I know I used to "just" do things, and have them work out well enough... I lost the energy. There is no motivation. And... When I *finally* do something, I don't feel the joy of it afterwards... There is no dopamine rush. There is no feeling of great accomplishment. There's just the "OK, that's done, it's fine" :thisisfinefire:. And, without that dopamine, without the reward for your brain/body, it's harder and harder to start something else...

As I've shared yesterday, I've learned that dopamine, ADHD, and the peri-menopause aren't the bestest of friends... :parrot_sad: and that's why I really hope that my GP will allow me to try the patches. I *know* they aren't the "holy solution", but... So far, I've heard way more positives than negatives about them, so I *really* want to try them out...

Well... Plans for #Today
Maybe I can try to paint that bit of wall... Maybe? 🤞🏻
Try to get a little longer walk with Koa 🐾
Clean out the dishwasher 🫧
Do the laundry 🧺
Maybe read some more of my book :blobcatbook:
And.........
Try to relax and feel OK enough...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 🫂 🩵 💜 🩷 🐾 :dogeparrot:

#PixysJourney
#ActuallyAuDHD
#PeriMenopause

#Journal of a slightly exhausted Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Friday, 31/07/2026).

I didn’t have the worst night, but it was not one where I woke up feeling all relaxed and recharged from. I got up, and slowly started my day. I got dressed, I took my meds, I fixed Koa’s meal… And when he was done with it, we went to the couch, where I grabbed my laptop. I wrote my email to my dear friend, and when I was done, I fixed up some brekkie.

I started writing my journal toot, and when I finished my food, I took Koa out for a short walk. He did his business, and then we got back inside, where I finished my journal toot. I uploaded it to all the usual places, and then I put away the laptop. I was tired, and just wanted to relax for a while.

After some time, I managed to get my big behind off the couch, and I took Koa for a walk. I let him choose the way, and part of me was grateful when he went left, and took the shorter way home. Part of me had wanted to walk more, as I know it’s good for me, and probably for Koa as well. But, I just felt too tired, and I was also glad when I got back on the couch.

I watched some telly, tried to read a bit of my book, and I snacked a bit too much… I went our with Koa again, fixed his meal, and then, he got the zoomies. After a while, he was too overwhelmed, and I had to crate him. Part of me felt bad for doing so, but within minutes, he fell asleep, and I was able to relax for a while.

I took Koa out for another short walk, and then we headed to Nijmegen. I had a slight heart attack, sold my kidney, and then Skoosh’s gas tank was filled up again. Damn, that orange pedo idiot and his stupid wars… He’s raking in the money, while we pay more and more for things that we need to live… Ugh… Well, I am fortunate that Skoosh is a hybrid, at least that means she’s getting more km per liter, which is good for me and my wallet (and, the environment in a way too).

We got to my parent’s place, and when mum was ready, we got the groceries in Skoosh. Then, Koa and I headed back home again. I unpacked the things, Koa and I enjoyed a nice snack. And then we went out for another short walk.

I spent my time with either reading or watching telly. I just felt so tired… I made sure that Koa got his outings, and his snacks and walks. After a while though, we went to the bedroom. Koa enjoyed a nice snack in his crate, and I tried to watch, well, re-watch, some Designated Survivor on my tablet. After a while though, I had dozed off.

When I woke up, I let Koa out for his business, and then we tried to snooze for a while. We woke up a few times, and after some hours, we got up and started our “day” again. I still felt tired, and my back was bad. And, to make things worse, the pharmacy had not emailed me a code, so this weekend, I would not have my better meds yet, as I had run out, and hoped to be able to pick them up… Bugger… Best try to take things easy for now…

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly exhausted Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Friday, 31/07/2026).

I didn’t have the worst night, but it was not one where I woke up feeling all relaxed and recharged from. I got up, and slowly started my day. I got dressed, I took my meds, I fixed Koa’s meal… And when he was done with it, we went to the couch, where I grabbed my laptop. I wrote my email to my dear friend, and when I was done, I fixed up some brekkie.

I started writing my journal toot, and when I finished my food, I took Koa out for a short walk. He did his business, and then we got back inside, where I finished my journal toot. I uploaded it to all the usual places, and then I put away the laptop. I was tired, and just wanted to relax for a while.

After some time, I managed to get my big behind off the couch, and I took Koa for a walk. I let him choose the way, and part of me was grateful when he went left, and took the shorter way home. Part of me had wanted to walk more, as I know it’s good for me, and probably for Koa as well. But, I just felt too tired, and I was also glad when I got back on the couch.

I watched some telly, tried to read a bit of my book, and I snacked a bit too much… I went our with Koa again, fixed his meal, and then, he got the zoomies. After a while, he was too overwhelmed, and I had to crate him. Part of me felt bad for doing so, but within minutes, he fell asleep, and I was able to relax for a while.

I took Koa out for another short walk, and then we headed to Nijmegen. I had a slight heart attack, sold my kidney, and then Skoosh’s gas tank was filled up again. Damn, that orange pedo idiot and his stupid wars… He’s raking in the money, while we pay more and more for things that we need to live… Ugh… Well, I am fortunate that Skoosh is a hybrid, at least that means she’s getting more km per liter, which is good for me and my wallet (and, the environment in a way too).

We got to my parent’s place, and when mum was ready, we got the groceries in Skoosh. Then, Koa and I headed back home again. I unpacked the things, Koa and I enjoyed a nice snack. And then we went out for another short walk.

I spent my time with either reading or watching telly. I just felt so tired… I made sure that Koa got his outings, and his snacks and walks. After a while though, we went to the bedroom. Koa enjoyed a nice snack in his crate, and I tried to watch, well, re-watch, some Designated Survivor on my tablet. After a while though, I had dozed off.

When I woke up, I let Koa out for his business, and then we tried to snooze for a while. We woke up a few times, and after some hours, we got up and started our “day” again. I still felt tired, and my back was bad. And, to make things worse, the pharmacy had not emailed me a code, so this weekend, I would not have my better meds yet, as I had run out, and hoped to be able to pick them up… Bugger… Best try to take things easy for now…

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

:kirby_prideheart: Ello sweet and lovely Friendos :purple_heart_sparkle:

It seems that Pixy's Journey is continuing on a new path. I know all life is uncertain, however well you try to plan. And I know that some things will happen, but you can never really prepare for them... As these things happen in different ways for everyone, with some overlap of course, and there is no "set pathway" to follow, to make things easier...

I've been experiencing symptoms that I have been dealing with for many years now. But... They were/are more intense. They are different than they used to be. And I got more and more frustrated at my incapability to deal with them properly. I got worse and worse, and I just could not understand why this all was getting so hard to deal with.

And then... I made the connection. I should have realized sooner, when the temperature regulation issues got worse (and it wasn't due to fibro flare)... I was born with an uterus. It's never been of use to me, as I didn't want to be a mom, and the monthly issues were a struggle, are a struggle, to deal with. But it means that my "main hormone" is estrogen. And, as I am 46 now... I am in the "zone" to start the decline of the hormonal bits...

I looked a bit online, and found out that many of my issues were indeed part of the peri. And... That people with ADHD may experience the decline in estrogen even worse, as it regulates, among others, dopamine... And, with most ADHD folks, the dopamine controls are already "out of the ordinary", so it can really enhance some negative effects of it all...

This is one of the sites that I found with info about this: 🔗
https://steadystatehealth.org/how-estrogen-decline-impacts-dopamine-and-why-adhd-feels-worse-in-menopause/

So yeah... Pixy's Journey has started on a new path, a new road in their journey, where they need to find ways to deal with the peri period, and then the menopause that will follow.

Someone has told me that, especially "us ADHD folks", could greatly benefit from HRT patches. But I know that many GPs aren't too keen on handing out these patches... So, before I dive in to this with my GP, I was hoping that other folks here, that are going through this, or have gone through this, could let me know about the patches. Did/dk you use them? And, if so, what are the main pros and cons of them? I'd like to be as informed as I can, so I can have a good talk with my GP, and so I know what I could be asking for.

Thanks in advance for sharing your experience!

:pixy_party: 🫂 🩵 💜 🩷 🐾 :dogeparrot:

#PixysJourney
#ActuallyAuDHD
#ActuallyADHD
#ADHD
#PeriMenopause

Edit: thought this Toot would reach the appropriate folks better with the proper hashtags, so I added them. Sorry I forgot to add them in the first place. Thanks for all the boosts (so far!). I really appreciate the support. :blobcatflower:

:kirby_prideheart: Ello sweet and lovely Friendos :purple_heart_sparkle:

It seems that Pixy's Journey is continuing on a new path. I know all life is uncertain, however well you try to plan. And I know that some things will happen, but you can never really prepare for them... As these things happen in different ways for everyone, with some overlap of course, and there is no "set pathway" to follow, to make things easier...

I've been experiencing symptoms that I have been dealing with for many years now. But... They were/are more intense. They are different than they used to be. And I got more and more frustrated at my incapability to deal with them properly. I got worse and worse, and I just could not understand why this all was getting so hard to deal with.

And then... I made the connection. I should have realized sooner, when the temperature regulation issues got worse (and it wasn't due to fibro flare)... I was born with an uterus. It's never been of use to me, as I didn't want to be a mom, and the monthly issues were a struggle, are a struggle, to deal with. But it means that my "main hormone" is estrogen. And, as I am 46 now... I am in the "zone" to start the decline of the hormonal bits...

I looked a bit online, and found out that many of my issues were indeed part of the peri. And... That people with ADHD may experience the decline in estrogen even worse, as it regulates, among others, dopamine... And, with most ADHD folks, the dopamine controls are already "out of the ordinary", so it can really enhance some negative effects of it all...

This is one of the sites that I found with info about this: 🔗
https://steadystatehealth.org/how-estrogen-decline-impacts-dopamine-and-why-adhd-feels-worse-in-menopause/

So yeah... Pixy's Journey has started on a new path, a new road in their journey, where they need to find ways to deal with the peri period, and then the menopause that will follow.

Someone has told me that, especially "us ADHD folks", could greatly benefit from HRT patches. But I know that many GPs aren't too keen on handing out these patches... So, before I dive in to this with my GP, I was hoping that other folks here, that are going through this, or have gone through this, could let me know about the patches. Did/dk you use them? And, if so, what are the main pros and cons of them? I'd like to be as informed as I can, so I can have a good talk with my GP, and so I know what I could be asking for.

Thanks in advance for sharing your experience!

:pixy_party: 🫂 🩵 💜 🩷 🐾 :dogeparrot:

#PixysJourney
#ActuallyAuDHD
#ActuallyADHD
#ADHD
#PeriMenopause

Edit: thought this Toot would reach the appropriate folks better with the proper hashtags, so I added them. Sorry I forgot to add them in the first place. Thanks for all the boosts (so far!). I really appreciate the support. :blobcatflower:

#Journal of a slightly bläh Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Thursday, 30/07/2026).

I had a shorter night than I had hoped for. And I guess it was also shorter than what I needed… But, my stomach was upset, and my back was angry, so I had to get up, whether I liked it or not… So, I got up, got dressed, took my meds, and fixed Koa’s meal. When he had finished, we went to the couch. There, I grabbed my laptop, and I wrote an email to my sweet friend. While I was writing it, I got distracted, and I ordered a new batch of pictures for Koa’s old-skool photo album. Then, I finished up the email. I started my journal toot, while I enjoyed my brekkie.

When I finished my meal, I took Koa our for a short walk, and then I went back to the laptop. I struggled a bit with writing the toot, I just felt like it was so boring, and like it didn’t matter and all that. I noticed that my thoughts were getting more negative, so I tried to focus on something good instead. It wasn't too easy, but I managed to finish up the toot, and share it on the usual places. When I was done with that, I put away the laptop, and I watched some telly, while scrolling some Masto on my phone.

I was feeling so exhausted. I struggled with my focus, and I felt like I should just get back to bed again. But, my back wasn’t too eager for that, and I didn’t want Koa to be locked up all of the time. So, I tried to relax on the couch. I got my Kobo, and I tried to read for a while. But, the epub I had, it had so many mistakes in it, that it was driving me bonkers. So, I looked for another version… I found it, and while it wasn’t perfect either, it was a bit better when it came to the amount of mistakes. I figured that the books had been scanned into epubs, and well, the scanners had many issues with reading the text properly. I have the original paperback of the book, but with my eyes and hands, the Kobo is a better way for me to read these days.

I tried to read a bit, to relax, and then it was time to take Koa for a proper walk. I still struggle with the SniffiVerse™ walkies with Koa, as I keep comparing them to the walks with Arwen… And, as I mentioned before, I know this is not good on my part. But, I just miss them so much, I miss her so much… Ugh… I did try to enjoy my walk with Koa as much as I could, but he was doing his left to right to left thing again, and it was really hard on my back.

When we got back, I tried to relax some more while reading a bit of my book. After some reading, I let out Koa for a short walk, and I fixed his food. I went to the shed, and managed to get the old paper and cardboard sorted out. I took it to the curb for collection day, and was glad when that was done. Koa and I watched a bit of telly, and then I got ready to head to the supermarket. I got most of the things I needed, and of course I forgot Koa’s bananas… Again! My brain is such a mess these days…

We went for a short walk, and then I went upstairs, where I rode the bike for almost half an hour. It was getting too warm, and I was getting too tired. I went back down, and watched some telly in the darkened room. I switched between watching telly and reading, but I could not really settle down. My mind was just too messy, and my body was too tired. I felt a bit guilty towards Koa, as I felt I didn’t do enough with him. But I was just too done…

We went for a few short walks, and then it just got too warm. My back was acting up, and I felt too bad, so we went to the bedroom, where I spent some time watching a series on my tablet, hoping that my back would relax. After a while, I fed Koa, and let him out again. Then, I got ready for bed, but it took a few hours before I was able to relax enough to doze off. Even my rain sounds on the MyNoise™ app weren’t helping me too much. I let Koa out again, but he didn’t do anything. Then, we went back to bed, and I slept for about 3 hours.

Koa woke me up, and we went outside. He did a wee, and we went back to bed. I woke up again about 4 hours later, with my back not being too pleased, and when I saw the time, I was a bit bummed, as I had hoped for a bit more sleep. But, Koa had enough of his time in the crate, which I totally understood, so, we got up and started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly bläh Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Thursday, 30/07/2026).

I had a shorter night than I had hoped for. And I guess it was also shorter than what I needed… But, my stomach was upset, and my back was angry, so I had to get up, whether I liked it or not… So, I got up, got dressed, took my meds, and fixed Koa’s meal. When he had finished, we went to the couch. There, I grabbed my laptop, and I wrote an email to my sweet friend. While I was writing it, I got distracted, and I ordered a new batch of pictures for Koa’s old-skool photo album. Then, I finished up the email. I started my journal toot, while I enjoyed my brekkie.

When I finished my meal, I took Koa our for a short walk, and then I went back to the laptop. I struggled a bit with writing the toot, I just felt like it was so boring, and like it didn’t matter and all that. I noticed that my thoughts were getting more negative, so I tried to focus on something good instead. It wasn't too easy, but I managed to finish up the toot, and share it on the usual places. When I was done with that, I put away the laptop, and I watched some telly, while scrolling some Masto on my phone.

I was feeling so exhausted. I struggled with my focus, and I felt like I should just get back to bed again. But, my back wasn’t too eager for that, and I didn’t want Koa to be locked up all of the time. So, I tried to relax on the couch. I got my Kobo, and I tried to read for a while. But, the epub I had, it had so many mistakes in it, that it was driving me bonkers. So, I looked for another version… I found it, and while it wasn’t perfect either, it was a bit better when it came to the amount of mistakes. I figured that the books had been scanned into epubs, and well, the scanners had many issues with reading the text properly. I have the original paperback of the book, but with my eyes and hands, the Kobo is a better way for me to read these days.

I tried to read a bit, to relax, and then it was time to take Koa for a proper walk. I still struggle with the SniffiVerse™ walkies with Koa, as I keep comparing them to the walks with Arwen… And, as I mentioned before, I know this is not good on my part. But, I just miss them so much, I miss her so much… Ugh… I did try to enjoy my walk with Koa as much as I could, but he was doing his left to right to left thing again, and it was really hard on my back.

When we got back, I tried to relax some more while reading a bit of my book. After some reading, I let out Koa for a short walk, and I fixed his food. I went to the shed, and managed to get the old paper and cardboard sorted out. I took it to the curb for collection day, and was glad when that was done. Koa and I watched a bit of telly, and then I got ready to head to the supermarket. I got most of the things I needed, and of course I forgot Koa’s bananas… Again! My brain is such a mess these days…

We went for a short walk, and then I went upstairs, where I rode the bike for almost half an hour. It was getting too warm, and I was getting too tired. I went back down, and watched some telly in the darkened room. I switched between watching telly and reading, but I could not really settle down. My mind was just too messy, and my body was too tired. I felt a bit guilty towards Koa, as I felt I didn’t do enough with him. But I was just too done…

We went for a few short walks, and then it just got too warm. My back was acting up, and I felt too bad, so we went to the bedroom, where I spent some time watching a series on my tablet, hoping that my back would relax. After a while, I fed Koa, and let him out again. Then, I got ready for bed, but it took a few hours before I was able to relax enough to doze off. Even my rain sounds on the MyNoise™ app weren’t helping me too much. I let Koa out again, but he didn’t do anything. Then, we went back to bed, and I slept for about 3 hours.

Koa woke me up, and we went outside. He did a wee, and we went back to bed. I woke up again about 4 hours later, with my back not being too pleased, and when I saw the time, I was a bit bummed, as I had hoped for a bit more sleep. But, Koa had enough of his time in the crate, which I totally understood, so, we got up and started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly tired Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Wednesday, 29/07/2026).

We didn’t have a bad night, until my body decided it was time to get up and start our “day”. We started with the usual routine. I got dressed, took my meds, and fed the dude. We went to the couch, where I got my laptop, and started my email to my sweet friend. When I was done, I made some brekkie, and enjoyed it while I started working on my journal toot. As I still felt a wee bit tired, I took Koa for a short walk, and then we went back to the couch again.

I finished up my journal post and uploaded it to all the usual places. After some relaxing with a bit of telly, I tried to motivate myself to take Koa on a proper walk. I wondered why I struggled to get ready for it, as I used to love the SniffiVerse™ walkies with Arwen… But then I realized the biggest difference: the ease of the walks with my old gall. She could go off-leash, she would stay close and be calm, and I was able to relax (and play with my phone at times, while she was getting her sniffs in)… But with Koa, there’s no calm, there is no real relaxing just yet. He pulls me all the ways, he will not chill and just follow me, just yet… And that made me feel a bit sad. I missed my gall a bit more, while I was annoyed with myself for not being able to enjoy this time with Koa now.

When we got back from walkies, we got to the couch, and we tried to relax a bit with some telly. I was struggling a bit with my brain. Part of it was feeling too exhausted to do things, the other part was annoyed with me not doing things. It was something I could not really “win”, so I tried to distract myself with some online scrolling with the telly on as well.

After a little while, I went upstairs to ride my bike, which I almost managed for half an hour. I got back down, walked Koa and fed him. We tried to relax some more, as this morning, someone from the rental coop was coming to fix several things in the house. Yay for that! I had a big time slot, so I hoped that he (or she) would be starting in our neighborhood. It was going to be a hot day, I was already struggling with light and sound, and I just wanted to “close it all off”, so I would be less overwhelmed by the things of the day today.

I was fortunate, as the man came to our place first. Koa was all excited, and then all bummed, because he was not allowed to “help” the man with his job. At one point, Koa was whining next to the couch. I thought he was upset, because he heard the man in the hallway, and I told him things were OK. He went quiet for a bit, and then he whined again. One of those that pulled your heart-strings… So, I looked at him, and… While I told him that things were OK and there was nothing to be sad about… One of his upper fangs fell out of his mouth! He looked sooooo sad and confused. I picked up the little tooth, and I hugged the little dude as much as he allowed.

When the repair man was done with the walls of the guest-loo, he came into the living room to tackle the window handle issue. It proved to be a bit of a chore, but, he managed to fix it, yay! When he was done with all, I got a text saying that he was on his way to my house… Hmm, I think that the system wasn’t set up right, as I would have preferred that message when he was actually coming to my place, not when he was leaving it, haha.

I walked with Koa, and we relaxed together. I felt to exhausted and unmotivated and I didn’t know why. I tried to read a bit for a while, which was nice, but also hard to focus on. I snacked way too much, but, I also made some food that could be seen as a “wee bit healthy”, well, healthier than what I had been consuming, anyway…

Koa and I went out for another walk, after he had enjoyed his meal, and it was so hot… We quickly went inside again, and got ready to relax in bed. There was noise coming from outside, and it was causing me to get this very annoying headache. I could not filter it out, and it was driving me nuts. So, I hoped that I could just doze off, so that I would not be bothered by it anymore. And, after a while, I did…

I woke up a few times, partially due to Koa, partially due to my body. And, when I woke up again, feeling all sore, and a bit nauseated, I just had to get up, and we started our “day” a little earlier than I had hoped.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly tired Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Wednesday, 29/07/2026).

We didn’t have a bad night, until my body decided it was time to get up and start our “day”. We started with the usual routine. I got dressed, took my meds, and fed the dude. We went to the couch, where I got my laptop, and started my email to my sweet friend. When I was done, I made some brekkie, and enjoyed it while I started working on my journal toot. As I still felt a wee bit tired, I took Koa for a short walk, and then we went back to the couch again.

I finished up my journal post and uploaded it to all the usual places. After some relaxing with a bit of telly, I tried to motivate myself to take Koa on a proper walk. I wondered why I struggled to get ready for it, as I used to love the SniffiVerse™ walkies with Arwen… But then I realized the biggest difference: the ease of the walks with my old gall. She could go off-leash, she would stay close and be calm, and I was able to relax (and play with my phone at times, while she was getting her sniffs in)… But with Koa, there’s no calm, there is no real relaxing just yet. He pulls me all the ways, he will not chill and just follow me, just yet… And that made me feel a bit sad. I missed my gall a bit more, while I was annoyed with myself for not being able to enjoy this time with Koa now.

When we got back from walkies, we got to the couch, and we tried to relax a bit with some telly. I was struggling a bit with my brain. Part of it was feeling too exhausted to do things, the other part was annoyed with me not doing things. It was something I could not really “win”, so I tried to distract myself with some online scrolling with the telly on as well.

After a little while, I went upstairs to ride my bike, which I almost managed for half an hour. I got back down, walked Koa and fed him. We tried to relax some more, as this morning, someone from the rental coop was coming to fix several things in the house. Yay for that! I had a big time slot, so I hoped that he (or she) would be starting in our neighborhood. It was going to be a hot day, I was already struggling with light and sound, and I just wanted to “close it all off”, so I would be less overwhelmed by the things of the day today.

I was fortunate, as the man came to our place first. Koa was all excited, and then all bummed, because he was not allowed to “help” the man with his job. At one point, Koa was whining next to the couch. I thought he was upset, because he heard the man in the hallway, and I told him things were OK. He went quiet for a bit, and then he whined again. One of those that pulled your heart-strings… So, I looked at him, and… While I told him that things were OK and there was nothing to be sad about… One of his upper fangs fell out of his mouth! He looked sooooo sad and confused. I picked up the little tooth, and I hugged the little dude as much as he allowed.

When the repair man was done with the walls of the guest-loo, he came into the living room to tackle the window handle issue. It proved to be a bit of a chore, but, he managed to fix it, yay! When he was done with all, I got a text saying that he was on his way to my house… Hmm, I think that the system wasn’t set up right, as I would have preferred that message when he was actually coming to my place, not when he was leaving it, haha.

I walked with Koa, and we relaxed together. I felt to exhausted and unmotivated and I didn’t know why. I tried to read a bit for a while, which was nice, but also hard to focus on. I snacked way too much, but, I also made some food that could be seen as a “wee bit healthy”, well, healthier than what I had been consuming, anyway…

Koa and I went out for another walk, after he had enjoyed his meal, and it was so hot… We quickly went inside again, and got ready to relax in bed. There was noise coming from outside, and it was causing me to get this very annoying headache. I could not filter it out, and it was driving me nuts. So, I hoped that I could just doze off, so that I would not be bothered by it anymore. And, after a while, I did…

I woke up a few times, partially due to Koa, partially due to my body. And, when I woke up again, feeling all sore, and a bit nauseated, I just had to get up, and we started our “day” a little earlier than I had hoped.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly exhausted Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Tuesday, 28/07/2026).

After a very busy Monday, we had a decent sleep. When we woke up again, I felt a bit broken. As in, my back was more sore, my leg was not all there, and my head was in a woozy state, that showed me how much the hard work from the previous day had cost me. But, looking into the garden, seeing all that artificial grass, well, it looks so much better than the root fabric did… So, it was all worth it. But, it did mean that today needed to be a relaxed day, so I could try and help my body to recover from it all.

We got up, I got dressed, took my meds, and then I prepped Koa’s meal. After he was done with it, we went to the couch, where I got my laptop, and I started my email to my sweet friend. When I was finished with the email, I made myself some brekkie. I started my journal toot while enjoying the brekkie. After the food had been enjoyed, I got ready to take Koa for a walk.

As we both were rather tired, Koa and I opted for a shorter SniffiVerse™ walkies this evening/night. When we got back, we were both rather tired. Koa got to snooze on the couch some more, while I finished up the journal toot. I uploaded it in all the right places, and then I put the laptop away.

I worked a bit on my blog site, and edited a few pictures, while watching a new (to me) season of Criminal Minds on TV. After some time, Koa and I went for another walk, a shorter one, and then I fixed some more food for him. We relaxed a bit more, and then I went upstairs to ride my bike for a while. Koa allowed me to ride a full half hour, guess he was still rather tired, as he didn’t even try anything naughty…

When I got back, I was a bit tired, so I relaxed for a while, before taking Koa on another walk. We got back, and I tried to relax my back a bit on bed, with my tablet. I had to go to the store, so when it was nearly opening, I got ready to take Skoosh there. I got my groceries, and quickly headed back home again. I made myself some food, walked with Koa, and then, I tried to relax for a while, as I just felt so exhausted.

I watched a lot of the new, to me at least, season of Criminal Minds. There were some very sad episodes in the bunch, and it had me think about some things, and I even started a blog post based on some of those thoughts.

I was waiting on a parcel to be delivered, and when they had come, and gone, I got ready to head to bed. I was so tired, and my body was so sore… It took a little while to doze off, but when I did, it felt nice. I woke up when Koa was whining a bit, and then I let him out, and it took a while before he did his thing. We went back to bed, and I dozed off quickly enough.

Unfortunately, I woke up again a bit too early for my liking, but… My belly and back needed me to take some actions, as they both hurt me in their own ways. So, I got up, and Koa and I started our new “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly exhausted Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Tuesday, 28/07/2026).

After a very busy Monday, we had a decent sleep. When we woke up again, I felt a bit broken. As in, my back was more sore, my leg was not all there, and my head was in a woozy state, that showed me how much the hard work from the previous day had cost me. But, looking into the garden, seeing all that artificial grass, well, it looks so much better than the root fabric did… So, it was all worth it. But, it did mean that today needed to be a relaxed day, so I could try and help my body to recover from it all.

We got up, I got dressed, took my meds, and then I prepped Koa’s meal. After he was done with it, we went to the couch, where I got my laptop, and I started my email to my sweet friend. When I was finished with the email, I made myself some brekkie. I started my journal toot while enjoying the brekkie. After the food had been enjoyed, I got ready to take Koa for a walk.

As we both were rather tired, Koa and I opted for a shorter SniffiVerse™ walkies this evening/night. When we got back, we were both rather tired. Koa got to snooze on the couch some more, while I finished up the journal toot. I uploaded it in all the right places, and then I put the laptop away.

I worked a bit on my blog site, and edited a few pictures, while watching a new (to me) season of Criminal Minds on TV. After some time, Koa and I went for another walk, a shorter one, and then I fixed some more food for him. We relaxed a bit more, and then I went upstairs to ride my bike for a while. Koa allowed me to ride a full half hour, guess he was still rather tired, as he didn’t even try anything naughty…

When I got back, I was a bit tired, so I relaxed for a while, before taking Koa on another walk. We got back, and I tried to relax my back a bit on bed, with my tablet. I had to go to the store, so when it was nearly opening, I got ready to take Skoosh there. I got my groceries, and quickly headed back home again. I made myself some food, walked with Koa, and then, I tried to relax for a while, as I just felt so exhausted.

I watched a lot of the new, to me at least, season of Criminal Minds. There were some very sad episodes in the bunch, and it had me think about some things, and I even started a blog post based on some of those thoughts.

I was waiting on a parcel to be delivered, and when they had come, and gone, I got ready to head to bed. I was so tired, and my body was so sore… It took a little while to doze off, but when I did, it felt nice. I woke up when Koa was whining a bit, and then I let him out, and it took a while before he did his thing. We went back to bed, and I dozed off quickly enough.

Unfortunately, I woke up again a bit too early for my liking, but… My belly and back needed me to take some actions, as they both hurt me in their own ways. So, I got up, and Koa and I started our new “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

This was on Hacker News today and it's about fucking time. I feel this in my bones, I'm living it right now, and it's unlikely to change much if at all.

The only thing separating me from becoming this guy is years worked, money saved along the way, and, so, a comparatively enormous buffer. Privilege.

#actuallyaudhd #actuallyautistic
https://itsmevox.substack.com/p/im-38-and-i-cant-support-myself-anymore

This was on Hacker News today and it's about fucking time. I feel this in my bones, I'm living it right now, and it's unlikely to change much if at all.

The only thing separating me from becoming this guy is years worked, money saved along the way, and, so, a comparatively enormous buffer. Privilege.

#actuallyaudhd #actuallyautistic
https://itsmevox.substack.com/p/im-38-and-i-cant-support-myself-anymore

#Journal of a very sore, but also excited, Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Monday, 27/07/2026).

I didn’t have a very bad night, but I woke up a little earlier than I had hoped, and my back and bowels told me that it was time to get up, so… I did just that. The scale wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be, and I got dressed. I fixed Koa’s meal, and took my meds. Then, we headed to the couch, where I started on my email to my sweet friend. When I was done, I fixed some brekkie, and I started on my journal toot. After brekkie was finished, I put away the laptop, and got ready for a walk with Koa.

We walked the little longer SniffiVerse™ walkies again, a little over 2km, and Koa did great. When we got back, I hoped that Koa would be tired enough to snooze some, but his teefs were still bothering him, so I gave him a frozen banana lickimat. After that, he settled down for a while, and I was able to finish the journal bit. When it was uploaded to all the usual places, I put away the laptop.

I watched some telly, while I edited a few Koa snaps on my phone, and while I worked a bit on a blog post. Koa and I went out for a short walkies, and then he got his meal. I fixed some food too, as I was feeling rather hungry. After the meal, I went upstairs, and took down, and folded, the dry laundry. I took it downstairs with me, and put it on the bed.

I tried to relax for a while, as today was going to be a long day, with the coach coming first, and then my friend coming to help me with the back garden. So, after the chores were done for a bit, Koa and I went to the bedroom, where we relaxed for a little while. When my brain got too jumpy from “doing nothing”, I got up again, walked Koa, tried to clean a bit, and then I watched TV until the doorbell rang, and the coach arrived.

We started on the papers that needed to be in order, which was quite some work… I had not expected bestie just yet, as I got her text late, so I thought she was running late. When the doorbell went about 10 minutes later, I was very surprised when it was her. I was finishing up with the coach, and bestie took Koa out for a little walk. When they got back, we were rounding up things as well. So, the coach left, and bestie, and I got ready to start the hard work.

There was some rain, but it quickly ended, and we went outside. We started by pulling out all the pins, and then I had to take of the little turf that Koa had been using a lot. I tried to put it in the container, and with some wiggling, it went in. It was a smelly job, even with all the rinsing I had given the turf. The root-fabric came off, and bestie started the hard work of raking the soil. We have a clay soil, and the area was quite bumpy. I found a little slat, that bestie could use to level the soil with, as much as possible. While she was doing that, I fixed up some lunch.

After a break we started with putting the fabric back. We added a few new bits to really close it off as good as possible. Then, we started adding the grass. Cutting it to the right size was a bit challenging, but we managed to get it all in. Around 2pm, we were dead and done. And, Koa was allowed to break in the new grass with a new ball… That didn’t last him too long haha. But, I took a little video, and he seemed to love it, running around like an idiot, haha.

Bestie got ready to head home again, And then Koa and I got ready to head to bed, as we were both rather tired. It didn’t take too long for Koa to start snoozing, and a little while after that, I was able to get comfy, and doze off too. I woke up once, for the loo, and Koa was still snoring peacefully. When I woke up again, it was just after 23, which meant that Koa had gone without a potty break for about 8 hours! He must have been really tired (and getting better at controlling his bladder). I quickly got up to let him out, and together, we started our new “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a very sore, but also excited, Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Monday, 27/07/2026).

I didn’t have a very bad night, but I woke up a little earlier than I had hoped, and my back and bowels told me that it was time to get up, so… I did just that. The scale wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be, and I got dressed. I fixed Koa’s meal, and took my meds. Then, we headed to the couch, where I started on my email to my sweet friend. When I was done, I fixed some brekkie, and I started on my journal toot. After brekkie was finished, I put away the laptop, and got ready for a walk with Koa.

We walked the little longer SniffiVerse™ walkies again, a little over 2km, and Koa did great. When we got back, I hoped that Koa would be tired enough to snooze some, but his teefs were still bothering him, so I gave him a frozen banana lickimat. After that, he settled down for a while, and I was able to finish the journal bit. When it was uploaded to all the usual places, I put away the laptop.

I watched some telly, while I edited a few Koa snaps on my phone, and while I worked a bit on a blog post. Koa and I went out for a short walkies, and then he got his meal. I fixed some food too, as I was feeling rather hungry. After the meal, I went upstairs, and took down, and folded, the dry laundry. I took it downstairs with me, and put it on the bed.

I tried to relax for a while, as today was going to be a long day, with the coach coming first, and then my friend coming to help me with the back garden. So, after the chores were done for a bit, Koa and I went to the bedroom, where we relaxed for a little while. When my brain got too jumpy from “doing nothing”, I got up again, walked Koa, tried to clean a bit, and then I watched TV until the doorbell rang, and the coach arrived.

We started on the papers that needed to be in order, which was quite some work… I had not expected bestie just yet, as I got her text late, so I thought she was running late. When the doorbell went about 10 minutes later, I was very surprised when it was her. I was finishing up with the coach, and bestie took Koa out for a little walk. When they got back, we were rounding up things as well. So, the coach left, and bestie, and I got ready to start the hard work.

There was some rain, but it quickly ended, and we went outside. We started by pulling out all the pins, and then I had to take of the little turf that Koa had been using a lot. I tried to put it in the container, and with some wiggling, it went in. It was a smelly job, even with all the rinsing I had given the turf. The root-fabric came off, and bestie started the hard work of raking the soil. We have a clay soil, and the area was quite bumpy. I found a little slat, that bestie could use to level the soil with, as much as possible. While she was doing that, I fixed up some lunch.

After a break we started with putting the fabric back. We added a few new bits to really close it off as good as possible. Then, we started adding the grass. Cutting it to the right size was a bit challenging, but we managed to get it all in. Around 2pm, we were dead and done. And, Koa was allowed to break in the new grass with a new ball… That didn’t last him too long haha. But, I took a little video, and he seemed to love it, running around like an idiot, haha.

Bestie got ready to head home again, And then Koa and I got ready to head to bed, as we were both rather tired. It didn’t take too long for Koa to start snoozing, and a little while after that, I was able to get comfy, and doze off too. I woke up once, for the loo, and Koa was still snoring peacefully. When I woke up again, it was just after 23, which meant that Koa had gone without a potty break for about 8 hours! He must have been really tired (and getting better at controlling his bladder). I quickly got up to let him out, and together, we started our new “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a hot & cold Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Sunday, 26/07/2026).

I didn’t have a too bad night. Koa seems to be getting better at sleeping longer periods of time, which is a nice thing to happen… But, I did struggle with my body, both my back and my belly, unfortunately. So when I got up, I had to deal with that first, before I could get to the scale, dress, deal with my meds, and fix Koa’s food. When Koa finished his meal, we went to the couch, where I got my laptop, and started my email to my sweet friend.

When I was finished, I got some brekkie, and I started my journal toot. After brekkie was done, Koa wanted to head out for walkies, so we went for the SniffiVerse™ round. We walked a little different this time, adding a wee bit more distance. Koa did excellent, and when we got back, I hoped that he was tired enough, so I could finish my journal toot. It took a little longer than I thought, for Koa to settle down. I popped in the 5th Ice Age Movie, and then I was able to finish the toot. I uploaded it to all the usual places, and then I put the laptop away.

I used my phone to work on a blog post for a bit. When the movie ended, I took them upstairs, and brought a few Muppet movies downstairs with me. I popped one in the player, and watched it while I tried to relax. When the movie had ended, Koa and I went out on another little walk. When we got back, I fixed some food for Koa, and then I went upstairs to ride my bike for a little while. This time, Koa allowed it, so I managed to get half an hour in.

Back downstairs, I had some food, and Koa and I tried to relax for a little bit. I felt a bit like crap, as my temperature fluctuated again and again, and my tummy wasn’t playing too nicely either. I fixed myself some food, but before I could finish it, I got so nauseated… Well, we all know what happens then…

I felt even worse after that, and I decided to go to bed for a while. Not so sleep, but to calm down, and try to get my body relaxed again. I was really not feeling too well, and I was afraid that I’d not be in any state to help my friend with my mess when she’d come. I texted her and told her I was worried that I may not be in any state to help, but that I would try if she’d still be willing to come. And, she came…

She made a start on the cupboard, and told me to sit back, and make sure that Koa would not be in the way too much. Which I tried. We had a little break, and walked with Koa, and then she finished it all for me. It looked so easy, and I wish I could have done it on my own, but yeah… Nope… We chatted for a while, and then she offered to take out some of the weeds that had been bugging me. And, she went so fast, making it look so easy again. And, while I was super grateful for all the help, I also struggled a bit, because I felt so “stupid” for not being able to do these “simple” things myself. So yeah… It was a bit of a double set of emotions.

My friend offered to walk with Koa, and then she headed back home again. I was so tired, that, after Koa had his meal, we went to bed. I wanted to watch some Criminal Minds and try to relax my sore body. But, within a few minutes, I was already snoozing. When I woke up again, I startled myself, as I had not thought I was that bad… But, I got to the loo, put away my tablet, and I went back to sleep.

Koa is doing so much better these days, being able to sleep longer with less potty breaks. When I woke up again, it was still a bit early. Another hour, maybe two even, would have been very welcome. But, my body was sore, my tummy was upset too, and Koa wanted to go out now. So, we got up, and we started our “day” a little earlier than planned.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a hot & cold Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Sunday, 26/07/2026).

I didn’t have a too bad night. Koa seems to be getting better at sleeping longer periods of time, which is a nice thing to happen… But, I did struggle with my body, both my back and my belly, unfortunately. So when I got up, I had to deal with that first, before I could get to the scale, dress, deal with my meds, and fix Koa’s food. When Koa finished his meal, we went to the couch, where I got my laptop, and started my email to my sweet friend.

When I was finished, I got some brekkie, and I started my journal toot. After brekkie was done, Koa wanted to head out for walkies, so we went for the SniffiVerse™ round. We walked a little different this time, adding a wee bit more distance. Koa did excellent, and when we got back, I hoped that he was tired enough, so I could finish my journal toot. It took a little longer than I thought, for Koa to settle down. I popped in the 5th Ice Age Movie, and then I was able to finish the toot. I uploaded it to all the usual places, and then I put the laptop away.

I used my phone to work on a blog post for a bit. When the movie ended, I took them upstairs, and brought a few Muppet movies downstairs with me. I popped one in the player, and watched it while I tried to relax. When the movie had ended, Koa and I went out on another little walk. When we got back, I fixed some food for Koa, and then I went upstairs to ride my bike for a little while. This time, Koa allowed it, so I managed to get half an hour in.

Back downstairs, I had some food, and Koa and I tried to relax for a little bit. I felt a bit like crap, as my temperature fluctuated again and again, and my tummy wasn’t playing too nicely either. I fixed myself some food, but before I could finish it, I got so nauseated… Well, we all know what happens then…

I felt even worse after that, and I decided to go to bed for a while. Not so sleep, but to calm down, and try to get my body relaxed again. I was really not feeling too well, and I was afraid that I’d not be in any state to help my friend with my mess when she’d come. I texted her and told her I was worried that I may not be in any state to help, but that I would try if she’d still be willing to come. And, she came…

She made a start on the cupboard, and told me to sit back, and make sure that Koa would not be in the way too much. Which I tried. We had a little break, and walked with Koa, and then she finished it all for me. It looked so easy, and I wish I could have done it on my own, but yeah… Nope… We chatted for a while, and then she offered to take out some of the weeds that had been bugging me. And, she went so fast, making it look so easy again. And, while I was super grateful for all the help, I also struggled a bit, because I felt so “stupid” for not being able to do these “simple” things myself. So yeah… It was a bit of a double set of emotions.

My friend offered to walk with Koa, and then she headed back home again. I was so tired, that, after Koa had his meal, we went to bed. I wanted to watch some Criminal Minds and try to relax my sore body. But, within a few minutes, I was already snoozing. When I woke up again, I startled myself, as I had not thought I was that bad… But, I got to the loo, put away my tablet, and I went back to sleep.

Koa is doing so much better these days, being able to sleep longer with less potty breaks. When I woke up again, it was still a bit early. Another hour, maybe two even, would have been very welcome. But, my body was sore, my tummy was upset too, and Koa wanted to go out now. So, we got up, and we started our “day” a little earlier than planned.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly tired but OK Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Saturday, 25/07/2026).

It wasn’t the worst night, although my back and bowels were making things a bit more challenging. But, I managed to get a wee bit of sleep, so when Koa told me it was time to get up, getting up is what we did. I got dressed, took my meds, and fed Koa. After the dude had been fed, we went to the couch, where I grabbed my laptop, so I could write an email to my sweet friend.

Koa was a bit restless, as I guess his teefs were/are giving him issues. It’s not easy, getting your adult molars and such... I watched Ice Age 2 while I wrote the email. When I had sent the email, I fixed some brekkie, and started on my journal toot. When food had been enjoyed, I took Koa out on a little SniffiVerse™ walkies. It’s nice to be able to get the short nightly walks in with Koa, but it’s also a bit emotional, as it reminds me of my sweet gall...

When we got back, it took a little while for Koa to settle down, and I was able to write the rest of my journal toot. After that, I put away the laptop, and I relaxed with the third Ice Age movie. After that movie had ended, Koa and I went for a short walk, and we fixed something to eat. I tried to ride my bike for a while, but Koa wasn’t too pleased with me. So, after a shorter time than I’d hoped for, I had to get back downstairs again.

I loaded the washing machine, and let it do its work. When it was done, I went upstairs again, to hang it all out. Of course, Koa was quiet about it now... I got back downstairs, and tried to relax a little bit. When it was near 8, I got to Skoosh, and headed to the supermarket. Of course, I got back home, without the bananas I’d promised Koa, again... Ugh, stupid brain. I walked with Koa again, and then I tried to relax for a while.

I tried to hose down Koa’s artificial grass again, and had my camera ready, as Koa went nuts! I tried to get a nice little video of it, and then I went to bed for a while, as I was so exhausted. I didn’t sleep, but I managed to take a bit too many screengrabs from the video of silly jumping Koa...

When my back felt a bit better again, I got the little vacuum and I tried to clean the downstairs area as good as I could. Which was challenging, as Koa was there, trying to “help” me, by trying to attack and grab the tube...

After some time, I fed Koa, and we got ready to head to bed again. First to relax and then to snooze. It took a little while for me to doze off. I woke up twice due to Koa. The second time, my back and bowels told me it was time to get up, so, we got up, and started our “day” a little earlier than I had hoped for...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly tired but OK Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Saturday, 25/07/2026).

It wasn’t the worst night, although my back and bowels were making things a bit more challenging. But, I managed to get a wee bit of sleep, so when Koa told me it was time to get up, getting up is what we did. I got dressed, took my meds, and fed Koa. After the dude had been fed, we went to the couch, where I grabbed my laptop, so I could write an email to my sweet friend.

Koa was a bit restless, as I guess his teefs were/are giving him issues. It’s not easy, getting your adult molars and such... I watched Ice Age 2 while I wrote the email. When I had sent the email, I fixed some brekkie, and started on my journal toot. When food had been enjoyed, I took Koa out on a little SniffiVerse™ walkies. It’s nice to be able to get the short nightly walks in with Koa, but it’s also a bit emotional, as it reminds me of my sweet gall...

When we got back, it took a little while for Koa to settle down, and I was able to write the rest of my journal toot. After that, I put away the laptop, and I relaxed with the third Ice Age movie. After that movie had ended, Koa and I went for a short walk, and we fixed something to eat. I tried to ride my bike for a while, but Koa wasn’t too pleased with me. So, after a shorter time than I’d hoped for, I had to get back downstairs again.

I loaded the washing machine, and let it do its work. When it was done, I went upstairs again, to hang it all out. Of course, Koa was quiet about it now... I got back downstairs, and tried to relax a little bit. When it was near 8, I got to Skoosh, and headed to the supermarket. Of course, I got back home, without the bananas I’d promised Koa, again... Ugh, stupid brain. I walked with Koa again, and then I tried to relax for a while.

I tried to hose down Koa’s artificial grass again, and had my camera ready, as Koa went nuts! I tried to get a nice little video of it, and then I went to bed for a while, as I was so exhausted. I didn’t sleep, but I managed to take a bit too many screengrabs from the video of silly jumping Koa...

When my back felt a bit better again, I got the little vacuum and I tried to clean the downstairs area as good as I could. Which was challenging, as Koa was there, trying to “help” me, by trying to attack and grab the tube...

After some time, I fed Koa, and we got ready to head to bed again. First to relax and then to snooze. It took a little while for me to doze off. I woke up twice due to Koa. The second time, my back and bowels told me it was time to get up, so, we got up, and started our “day” a little earlier than I had hoped for...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly better Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Friday, 24/07/2026).

I didn’t have the best night, somehow, my body wasn’t too keen on letting me sleep in a comfortable way. I slept for a little less than 7 hours in total, according to my watch. But, when it was time to start our “day”, we did just that. I got dressed, took my meds, and fixed Koa’s meal. When Koa was finished, we headed to the couch. I got my laptop, and started writing an email to my sweet friend. Koa was struggling a bit with his teething, still dealing with several molars and his fangs. I hope that they’ll get exchanged soon, as its not only causing Koa issues, it’s troubling me as well, as Koa keep whining and trying to bite me more.

When I had finished the email, I fixed myself some food, and I started writing my journal toot. When brekkie was done, Koa and I went out for a nice walk. It was a longer walk, and the first time we walked it, so it was a bit exciting and scary for Koa. But he did really well, and when we got back, both of us were quite tired. I got back to my laptop, and I finished writing my journal toot. After that was uploaded everywhere, I put away the laptop, and I got my phone. I managed to take several funny screengrabs from the water-hose video of Koa from Thursday. I had AI help me to write some alt texts, and then I shared several of the pictures on Pixelfed.

I watched the Farmageddon movie, a Shaun the Sheep one, and then I popped in the DVD of Ice Age. I tried to relax with it, while scrolling through Masto, and trying to catch up here and there. After a bit, I got upstairs, and I rode the bike for a while. I had wanted to ride for half an hour, but somehow, after 15 minutes, my back just had enough of it all. I really hate being out of shape so much…

I went back downstairs, walked with Koa, and then we tried to relax for a while. My back was annoying me, and I didn’t like it. After some relaxing with some Criminal Minds on my tablet. Koa and I went out for another walk. We played a little, and I watched some more telly. I had promised to take my neighbors' son to the train-station in the next town this morning, so I was waiting till it was time to get ready for that. But, Koa let me know he needed to go out a little earlier, so we went out.

I texted the neighbor that we were at the grassy field, and her son opened the gate, and let us in. Koa went inside and started to explore… He still doesn’t understand why the big black dude isn’t around anymore. When he found the old dog bed, he sniffed it and started looking again. It made me a bit sad, but it also reminded me of the big black fluff, after Arwen had passed away.

When the son was ready, we went to Skoosh, and the neighbor took Koa out for a walk. The son needed something from the store, and while he was inside, I set up the navigation. Then, we were on our way. He got to the station safe and sound, and I headed back home. When I had parked, I checked Koa’s GPS app, and I saw he and the neighbor were close to home as well. We chatted for a bit, and then we went back home.

Koa got his snuffle-mat, and then we relaxed for a while. Some more telly time… I was rather tired, and my back was sore. I really need a better couch, as this one is not good for my back… So, after a while, I fed Koa, and let him out. Then, we headed to bed early. Not to sleep yet, but to be able to relax my back better. But… By bowels started to really act up, and well, I was not a happy Pixy…

After some time, it got better, and I was able to relax. I read my book, and then, I dozed off. I woke up again when the electric swatter had managed to protect me from another buzzing terrorist. Although, it may have been after they had gotten to me… I went to the loo, struggled a bit again, and then took Koa out. He had a drink, and went outside, but… He wasn’t interested into doing anything… So, after a few minutes, we got back to bed again. When the swatter fried another terrorist, it woke me up again, and as my body was sore, I decided it was time to get up, and start our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani