#scribblesofakat — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #scribblesofakat, aggregated by home.social.
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Forewarning: I didn't proofread this. This is a stream of consciousness ramble and could be structured a lot better. I might come back and revise this essay in a couple of weeks when I have time to, but right now I'm just trying to get my thoughts written down even if they're not the most digestible yet.
Also, this is a reply to a longer essay. Federation gets weird when I'm close to 10k characters, but it's an FYI in case it's invisible for you.
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I do want to address the dynamic when partners are involved in some fashion. There is a wealth of both good and bad things that can happen here.
Masturbation can be done with a partner present, and in fact, it's often great to do so. It's one way to help your partner build/absorb a map of some pathways you take to pleasure town. It's different with a partner. It's even different simply sharing a summary of the experience after the fact. Typically masturbation and/or solo sex is only specific to the one person. It's not about the other person. Nobody has entitlements to your personal activities.
@Azzura rightfully pointed out that toxic behaviors are not uncommon (see [post](https://lgbtqia.space/@Azzura/115403309255769298)) and some people will have particular notions about what it means when you, a different person, engages in self-stimulation. Masturbation is often fulfilling a different need than partnered sex. They are _not_ equivalent, even if they would meet the same need. This is true for healthy relationships as well, by the way.
#CW talking about some toxic viewpoints below
First, let's address the "If you masturbate, then we won't be able to have sex after." There is _a lot_ to unpack there. This could imply several different things.
1. Masturbation will make you "unclean" and therefore unable to have sex
2. Masturbation is being done for orgasm and it's impossible to continue afterwards
3. Masturbation is going to be too draining on energy or time and sex will be off the tableUnderlying all of these, there is an implied entitlement to sex, which raises my hackles. For the purposes of this exercise, let's assume that there is a mutual desire to have sex after, but one partner is concerned that you are not prioritizing correctly (and that the concern has a possibility of being reasonable).
1 has its roots in purity culture, which gives me the ick, and I'd have a rant about it if someone said that to me. The best possible interpretation I can make would be if my masturbation sessions are messy and they expect I won't cleanup first. Hygiene is important. Plus, not all lube agrees with all skin, so easy, just rinse off or something. Again, this is the best possible interpretation.
2 has a couple of assumptions baked in. Masturbation isn't necessarily done for the goal of an orgasm. Some folks are the type to be "one and done" in a legit "can't physically do anything to reciprocate and need a nap" way instead of a "too lazy to reciprocate" way. For these folks, I can't imagine they would masturbate to orgasm if they are planning to have sex right after. Know thyself, etc. The flip side is folks who are very much _not_ the "one and done" type. This side includes moi. I don't get revved up very often, and it's actually rather difficult for me to do so. But when I do get going, I'm _going_ for a while. In many cases, I need a solid warmup, and in cases where there is the elusive orgasm, it like, breaks the dam and then I can continue having more. If I engage with a partner right away, it might not happen and some folks take that as a hit to their self-esteem which I prefer to avoid.
3 implies that you might not have considered the demands on your own body. Take some deep breaths and look for the best case interpretation. I forget that this is an exhausting endeavor or that it takes me forever, and how inconsiderate of me to not include my partners needs in my personal agenda for my body. (I can actually envision a scenario where this might be valid, but I got annoyed on the way there). This is something that is more of a conversation to negotiate boundaries and expectations. If exhaustion does happen, then the partner can masturbate, maybe even with an audience. The particular solution will depend on the precise situation happening.
Next, let's unpack the "masturbation is cheating" angle. This could be a whole essay, but I don't want to spend that energy. I'm saving it for better activities.
This is rooted in purity culture to an extent. And the incorrect assumption that any self-stimulation is fulfilling the same need as partnered stimulation. Often it's just physical too because you may not be required to be mentally or emotionally present. And it is framing things as "your partner can be the only valid way to meet this need." One can also interpret it with the "masturbation is a sexual relationship with oneself" interpretation and with how mono culture often seems to encourage forms of codependency, it is putting the responsibility of needs on the partner, and the partner alone.
There's so many ways this irks me, I can't even list them all. And just an aside, I'm not trying to disparage all mono folks. Realistically, when this happens (masturbation is cheating is the accepted terms of the relationship) it's putting a lot of responsibility on the couple to engage with each other sexually and there's no recourse when one fails. There will eventually be a failure because it's not actually meeting the same need. It's also creating a knowledge silo, so taking on a different partner becomes more work, and feels like a barrier. It will usually lead to trying to stay in the relationship, and masturbating with a need for secrecy and shame, which is unhealthy. It's doomed to fail, and potentially have long lasting psychological consequences. Purity culture is a colonization tactic, and used as such in "The Traitor Baru Cormorant" by Seth Dickinson, in case anyone needs more reasons to go read that book.
#Discussion #Masturbation #PartneredSex #PurityCulture #ScribblesOfAKat
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CW: Reflections on writing steamy AltText (long)
As per this post I am sharing some of my thoughts around the type of alt text I write https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/114353563858177361
I didn't proofread this, so there may be mistakes here and there.
The first picture I shared on this account is here: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/112614898917500597 It's a picture of my dogs in June of 2024. It was posted in response to the OG #Tit4Cat thread by the lovely @alice
They had some specific socks I immediately liked, and some time after, my third and fourth pictures on this account was my first "lewd" post https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/113147550747676068 and those socks are still intact, and I still wear them because they're cute. I have since stopped using the lewd tag though. More on that later.
My first sharing of any kind of rope pictures on mastodon (specifically) was in this old thread pinned to my profile. My attempt at bartering #Tit4Cat https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/113149132171346910
This was obviously not as accessible and there wasn't any good way for me to add alt text to proton drive. I started trickling in some of my rope art pictures, not all of them public. Also mild, like this is just my ankles. I've posted much less #SFW elsewhere on the internet but this was more like a canary to verify I wouldn't be shinned for liking rope. https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/113318786264649268
Initially this was to try and move content from my Proton drive to mastodon with alt text. As I added alt text, I wanted to capture the important visual details, but highlight the details I thought people might like to pay attention to. Or at least set them up for success in that regard. See the type of language used in revision 1 of this post: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/113708638900527843 It's not just a smile, it's a sly smile. This is effectively a hint to help shape perspective. People aren't seeing me in person, so they miss out on my body language. I'm a playful person and I felt compelled to convey it.
I also like scene crafting, and at the regular kink events I go to, I am often tying up people along the edges of a different scene and parking them cozily so they can continue being a voyeur without feeling as awkward about it. Consentually, of course, and constantly monitored. I have limits on counts, and don't do complex ties with people until I've attuned a bit to their body and communication.
Around this time is when Alice started the #AccessibilityIsHotAF tag and it seemed like a good fit. My first post under that tag specifically: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/113795675776478037 Isn't a full story, but more like a playful description with a sprinkling of lore that will kind of become a motif. This wasn't with any kind of planning.
Revision 2 of the simple pentagram harness had my first narrative text: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/113810717477906908
I flip-flopped on pronouns a bit, during the initial few posts. I realized this might get confusing for readers so I ended up sticking to They/Them most of the time. And it turned out that people like little narratives. That post got 53 favorites. For the curious, the one with the most favorites as of right now is my strawberry vanilla vampire snare at 86: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/114162178258267843
A recurring theme for my writing is me playing with my food. I'm a wild magic condensate, and am energized by getting some people hot and bothered to some event horizon. Fae have bigger bursts of magic to drive this entity but some humans can also work well. There is also a power play aspect to this. A common one is that the viewer has the opportunity to make an attempt at overpowering, but it ends up being part of the plan. This is partially because power plays are fun, but it also lets me embed consent into the dynamic.
I never use the word trap to describe my methods as a wild magic condensate. Not only is there an icky transphobic usage, but it implies a deception and lack of consent. I do everything I can with consent. For the narrative, the viewer is aware of the price, they are aware of what they want. I'm dense enough to have my own gravity field and I make sure everyone has parachutes.
There is a pattern that ties into my self and history. I really like feeling wanted for me instead of just what I can do for people. Like I aim to be someone that other people want to be around. Creating a gravity field and giving people parachutes (an easy out) is one way to ensure people actually want to be drawn in and it makes me feel less insecure and my acting confident usually goes well (until I walk right into a wall - confidently). This isn't necessarily a good pattern. I am careful to avoid dependencies on external sources of validation and can overcorrect into too much self-reliance occasionally. Generally, I do a decent job balancing it. And usually my self esteem needs to be a certain level before I will feel comfortable posting. I'm doing it for me.
TL;DR (so far): My intent with the writings is to be playful and artsy, but still descriptive. They are not necessarily sexual in nature, and I have practice at asserting boundaries. I'll use this opportunity to gently remind the audience that I am ace-spec and don't feel sexual attraction per se.
I don't use the word lewd anymore for tagging my posts. I still keep NSFW on there to make sure people don't see anything they don't want to. It was brought to my attention that I wasn't considering the full spectrum of how it's used in different locations and I quickly pivoted away from it.
Some of my old posts may still have lewd tags, and those will stay until they get purged. I do occasionally purge some content to make sure everything stays lean.
For recent artsy pictures, here's some playing with shadows: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/114338387602840948
Here's some of my tattoos plus light and shadow. One of the rare ones where I am actually fully nude, but it's tasteful: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/114270861378131324
Edit: Fixed a couple of typos that were haunting me.