#jokeoftheday — Public Fediverse posts

#JokeOfTheDay
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.

@MelissaBearTrix

White Christmas 🎄
================

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
just like the ones Christ used to know,
two millennia ago, in Judea,
where the reindeer played in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
let's go chop down some pine trees,
light 'em up bright, with electricity,
to please our long dead deity,
while the world heats up, three degrees.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
because the season is fantastic,
to buy gifts made of plastic,
to fill landfills, and the sea.
Let's all go on a shopping spree!

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
with all the third world girls and boys,
who wish for treats & toys,
and are told, that shit ain't free,
so don't milk our sentimentality.

I'm screaming about a white Christmas,
because it should be plain to see,
it's just a feelgood fantasy,
to push consumption, and white supremacy.

May your electric bills be high.
And may all your friends be white.

#Earth #Environment #Ecology #ClimateChange
#Consumerism #Colonialism #Capitalism
#Parody #Christmas
#Xmas #Lyrics #Song
#SongWriting #Comedy
#SocialJustice #Xtianity
#Christianity #Christ
#Jesus #MAGA #Holiday
#Joke #Jokes #Humor #Humour #Funny #Fun
#JokeOfTheDay

#JokeOfTheDay
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

#JokeOfTheDay

#JokeOfTheDay
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

#JokeOfTheDay
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

#JokeOfTheDay
I told my suitcase there would be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

#JokeOfTheDay
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

#JokeOfTheDay
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing; it just waved.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

#JokeOfTheDay
I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me.
He asked which companies.
I said, “The electric company, the water company, and the credit card company."

#JokeOfTheDay
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

#JokeOfTheDay
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

#JokeOfTheDay
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.

#JokeOfTheDay
I used to think I was indecisive.
Now I’m not so sure

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the math book look worried? It had too many problems.

#JokeOfTheDay
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the computer visit the doctor? It had a bad case of byte-sized bugs.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the calendar get promoted? It had a lot of dates.

I used to be a fortune teller but only ever foretold bad winters! Turns out the crystal ball shop sold me a snow globe....
#jokeoftheday #joke #boost #3dcandy

I went out with this girl the t'other night and she wore a slinky number. She really looked good going down the stairs!
#jokeoftheday #joke #slinky

@beyondmachines1 lol #JokeOfTheDay

I did laugh....
#humour #boost #jokeoftheday

https://youtube.com/shorts/D9yz9X85OH0?si=ZPghT1P0sW1dTQAe

What do you call spiders when they get married?

Newleywebs!
#jokeoftheday #boost #3dcandy #joke

#Jokeoftheday: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:gvjflbkefqjbjzwz3fusaxqj/post/3mjfodu3m7c2c

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator
#jokeoftheday #alligator #vest #joke #boost

What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk!
#jokeoftheday #boost

You have to hand it to blind prostitutes....
#jokeoftheday #boost

I knew a king who was 12 inches tall. Terrible king but great ruler!
#jokeoftheday #boost #dadjoke