#jokeoftheday — Public Fediverse posts

#JokeOfTheDay
I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me.
He asked which companies.
I said, “The electric company, the water company, and the credit card company."

#JokeOfTheDay
I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me.
He asked which companies.
I said, “The electric company, the water company, and the credit card company."

Bored? Need a new hobby? I have some racing geese for sale..
Let me know if you want a quick gander..

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #cockney

#JokeOfTheDay
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

#JokeOfTheDay
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

I’ve started investing in stocks - beef, chicken, vegetable. I hope to become a bouillonaire!

#jokeoftheday #culinaryhumour

People are often surprised when they see the intricate tattoo that I had done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision!

#jokeoftheday #python

#JokeOfTheDay
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

#JokeOfTheDay
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

My wife asked if I’d like a lone piper playing a lament at my funeral.
“Over my dead body!” I replied

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #marriedlife

#JokeOfTheDay
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.

#JokeOfTheDay
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.

Did you hear about the ghosts that haunted the converted agricultural building?
Gin Gan Ghoulie Ghoulie...
... and the parapsychologist studying them?
Gin Gan Ghoulie Ghoulie Watcher...
And the ectoplasm she found?
... Gin Gan Goo?

#jokeoftheday #thegangshow

#JokeOfTheDay
I used to think I was indecisive.
Now I’m not so sure

#JokeOfTheDay
I used to think I was indecisive.
Now I’m not so sure

Whoever invented Knock - Knock jokes should have been awarded a No-Bell prize!

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #crackerjokes

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the math book look worried? It had too many problems.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the math book look worried? It had too many problems.

I ate too much seafood and now i’m feeling a little … eel

#jokeoftheday #dadjoke #seefooddiet

#JokeOfTheDay
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

#JokeOfTheDay
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the computer visit the doctor? It had a bad case of byte-sized bugs.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the computer visit the doctor? It had a bad case of byte-sized bugs.

Every morning I announce loudly to my family that l'm going jogging, but then don't go.
It's a running joke.

#jokeoftheday #dadjoke #jogon

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the calendar get promoted? It had a lot of dates.

#JokeOfTheDay
Why did the calendar get promoted? It had a lot of dates.

My friend Rory was recently telling my other friend Alice about the beautiful northern lights and he went on and on for about 5 hours. It was a case of a Rory boring Alice.

#jokeoftheday #meteorologicalhumour

I just saw a car being driven by a young sheep in a two piece swimsuit.
It was a lamb bikini!

#jokeoftheday #ramjokes

The last thing grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?
“How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

#jokeoftheday #dadjoke #literalnotmetaphoric

Vaping is weird.
You walk past a group of kids who look like gangsters but smell like strawberry muffins.

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #moderntimes

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.
I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

#jokeoftheday #parenting #politicalhumour

The Loch Ness monster travelled to the USA and her descendants thrived there - so now Ten-Nessee

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #humor

Not all construction work is equally interesting. For example, enlarging drilled holes is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together can be riveting.

#jokeoftheday #dadjobs #manufacturing

Does anybody want to try my Scandanavian meats and cheeses?
If you do please form a Nord Deli queue....

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #smorgasbrod

Leather is rated by texture.
Cows reared with plenty of water yield soft hides which are rated A
Cows raised in dry climates are generally D hide rated

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #dryhumour

Fun Fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name it would be the lyrics to Old Macdonald Had a Farm.

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #nurseryrhymes

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks!
It cost me an arm and a leg!

#jokeoftheday #dayjoke

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to realise it was just a Fanta sea.

#jokeoftheday #dadjoke #sodajokeis

My neighbour says he puts manure on his rhubarb, so I tried it.
It was disgusting!
I’ll stick to custard in future!

#jokeoftheday #dadjokes #jardindecuisine

I used to be a fortune teller but only ever foretold bad winters! Turns out the crystal ball shop sold me a snow globe....
#jokeoftheday #joke #boost #3dcandy

I went out with this girl the t'other night and she wore a slinky number. She really looked good going down the stairs!
#jokeoftheday #joke #slinky

@beyondmachines1 lol #JokeOfTheDay

I did laugh....
#humour #boost #jokeoftheday

https://youtube.com/shorts/D9yz9X85OH0?si=ZPghT1P0sW1dTQAe

What do you call spiders when they get married?

Newleywebs!
#jokeoftheday #boost #3dcandy #joke

#Jokeoftheday: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:gvjflbkefqjbjzwz3fusaxqj/post/3mjfodu3m7c2c

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator
#jokeoftheday #alligator #vest #joke #boost

What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk!
#jokeoftheday #boost

You have to hand it to blind prostitutes....
#jokeoftheday #boost

I knew a king who was 12 inches tall. Terrible king but great ruler!
#jokeoftheday #boost #dadjoke

My Grandma fell asleep in a restaurant the other day but it was OK because it was Nando's
#jokeoftheday #boost #joke

A friend of mine bought some laxatives at an auction! Before he knew it he was going once, going twice...
#boost #jokeoftheday #joke

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat? She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not!

───────────────
📅 February, 22nd
😻 NATIONAL CAT DAY (Neko-no-kinenbi)
🇯🇵 in Japan
───────────────

#Nekonokinenbi #nationalcatday
#FlachwitzFabrik #DadJoke #DadJokes #humour #humor #jokeoftheday

Coffee reaches places motivation can never get to!

#FlachwitzFabrik #DadJoke #DadJokes #humour #humor #jokeoftheday #dad jokes
#dadjokefriday

#FlachwitzFabrik #DasJoke #DadJokes #humour #jokeoftheday #dadjokefriday

What is another name for an Asian assassin?

A Chinese takeout!
#jokeoftheday #joke #boost