#fml — Public Fediverse posts

Goddess help me, today was horrible

I got to work and the girl before me did almost nothing before she left

the customers were all being mean and angry

the truck came in, a full day early, while I was the only one working

I kept making dumb mistakes because I was overwhelmed

a guy came in to work on the registers, and his voice sounded exactly like Krish, one of the men that assaulted me

I was hiding in the back room crying every chance I got

I was panicking and triggered for basically my entire shift

everything hurts

I'm exhausted but too adrenaline to rest

my brain is on fire

and I think my coworker who came in to relieve me was annoyed that I hadn't gotten more done

but I'm listening to music from Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy VI and it's helping me calm down

I have an appointment with my therapist on Tuesday

"I'm alive, but I'm not well"

#storytime #work #ptsd #survivor #therapy #autism #autistic #overwhelmed #todaysucked #fml #chronotrigger #finalfantasy #ff6 #audhd #toomuch

We don't have the spoons for a detailed post. We've written other posts recently giving updates on some of our struggles, but we needed to get the thoughts out of our head before sleep tonight 🥺😔

We're realistically facing a situation very soon where we'll officially be told that we're not going to get any gender-affirming surgeries from NHS England whatsoever, making the last nearly 5 years of trying to progress through this dehumanising, anxiety-inducing, decorating, belittling, gatekeeping, outdated process completely worthless :Sighing_Face:

We already had to accept we could never get FFS.

We tried twice to convince them to give us VFS, but they said no, and gave us no actual further voice training help.

We knew that trying to get PPT vaginoplasty would be a longshot, but we never expected:

• to have PPT basically badmouthed during a consultation;
• to hear basic PIV or scrotal flap techniques described as the "gold standard" (!!!) for genital reconfiguration surgery (GRS);
• to be told that the only surgeon who'd see us is one we'd never, ever trust or want anywhere near us, especially after having specifically requested another surgeon (the only one we'd trust in the UK for GRS); and
• that we'd need to go back begging to our gender clinic -- which no longer responds to our emails at all -- to try to convince them to submit a funding request for a basic standalone bilateral orchidectomy and scrotectomy... which would have been required anyway as part of PIV or vulvoplasty!!!

We've reached the point where we don't think we can get any joy from seeing other trans+ folks' joy and euphoria from making progress in their own transitions, particularly surgeries, as we can't help but feel so painfully sad crushingly jealous and upset that we cannot get even the most basic care after waiting even longer 😔

And nope: we've zero chance of being able to ever even fund the cheapest of surgeries privately.

Apologies for the sad dump. We needed to write it all out to have any chance at getting to sleep soon :BlobCatSad:

#EOEGS #NHS #NHSEngland #FuckTheNHS #FuckEngland #FuckTheUK #GenderAffirmingSurgery #GenderAffirmingHealthcare #gatekeeping #trans #transgender #NonBinary #TransFem #GRS #GenderDysphoria #transition #PPT #PIV #FFS #VFS #orchidectomy #FML #queer #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #LackOfTransJoy

We don't have the spoons for a detailed post. We've written other posts recently giving updates on some of our struggles, but we needed to get the thoughts out of our head before sleep tonight 🥺😔

We're realistically facing a situation very soon where we'll officially be told that we're not going to get any gender-affirming surgeries from NHS England whatsoever, making the last nearly 5 years of trying to progress through this dehumanising, anxiety-inducing, decorating, belittling, gatekeeping, outdated process completely worthless :Sighing_Face:

We already had to accept we could never get FFS.

We tried twice to convince them to give us VFS, but they said no, and gave us no actual further voice training help.

We knew that trying to get PPT vaginoplasty would be a longshot, but we never expected:

• to have PPT basically badmouthed during a consultation;
• to hear basic PIV or scrotal flap techniques described as the "gold standard" (!!!) for genital reconfiguration surgery (GRS);
• to be told that the only surgeon who'd see us is one we'd never, ever trust or want anywhere near us, especially after having specifically requested another surgeon (the only one we'd trust in the UK for GRS); and
• that we'd need to go back begging to our gender clinic -- which no longer responds to our emails at all -- to try to convince them to submit a funding request for a basic standalone bilateral orchidectomy and scrotectomy... which would have been required anyway as part of PIV or vulvoplasty!!!

We've reached the point where we don't think we can get any joy from seeing other trans+ folks' joy and euphoria from making progress in their own transitions, particularly surgeries, as we can't help but feel so painfully sad crushingly jealous and upset that we cannot get even the most basic care after waiting even longer 😔

And nope: we've zero chance of being able to ever even fund the cheapest of surgeries privately.

Apologies for the sad dump. We needed to write it all out to have any chance at getting to sleep soon :BlobCatSad:

#EOEGS #NHS #NHSEngland #FuckTheNHS #FuckEngland #FuckTheUK #GenderAffirmingSurgery #GenderAffirmingHealthcare #gatekeeping #trans #transgender #NonBinary #TransFem #GRS #GenderDysphoria #transition #PPT #PIV #FFS #VFS #orchidectomy #FML #queer #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #LackOfTransJoy

We don't have the spoons for a detailed post. We've written other posts recently giving updates on some of our struggles, but we needed to get the thoughts out of our head before sleep tonight 🥺😔

We're realistically facing a situation very soon where we'll officially be told that we're not going to get any gender-affirming surgeries from NHS England whatsoever, making the last nearly 5 years of trying to progress through this dehumanising, anxiety-inducing, decorating, belittling, gatekeeping, outdated process completely worthless :Sighing_Face:

We already had to accept we could never get FFS.

We tried twice to convince them to give us VFS, but they said no, and gave us no actual further voice training help.

We knew that trying to get PPT vaginoplasty would be a longshot, but we never expected:

• to have PPT basically badmouthed during a consultation;
• to hear basic PIV or scrotal flap techniques described as the "gold standard" (!!!) for genital reconfiguration surgery (GRS);
• to be told that the only surgeon who'd see us is one we'd never, ever trust or want anywhere near us, especially after having specifically requested another surgeon (the only one we'd trust in the UK for GRS); and
• that we'd need to go back begging to our gender clinic -- which no longer responds to our emails at all -- to try to convince them to submit a funding request for a basic standalone bilateral orchidectomy and scrotectomy... which would have been required anyway as part of PIV or vulvoplasty!!!

We've reached the point where we don't think we can get any joy from seeing other trans+ folks' joy and euphoria from making progress in their own transitions, particularly surgeries, as we can't help but feel so painfully sad crushingly jealous and upset that we cannot get even the most basic care after waiting even longer 😔

And nope: we've zero chance of being able to ever even fund the cheapest of surgeries privately.

Apologies for the sad dump. We needed to write it all out to have any chance at getting to sleep soon :BlobCatSad:

#EOEGS #NHS #NHSEngland #FuckTheNHS #FuckEngland #FuckTheUK #GenderAffirmingSurgery #GenderAffirmingHealthcare #gatekeeping #trans #transgender #NonBinary #TransFem #GRS #GenderDysphoria #transition #PPT #PIV #FFS #VFS #orchidectomy #FML #queer #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #LackOfTransJoy

We don't have the spoons for a detailed post. We've written other posts recently giving updates on some of our struggles, but we needed to get the thoughts out of our head before sleep tonight 🥺😔

We're realistically facing a situation very soon where we'll officially be told that we're not going to get any gender-affirming surgeries from NHS England whatsoever, making the last nearly 5 years of trying to progress through this dehumanising, anxiety-inducing, decorating, belittling, gatekeeping, outdated process completely worthless :Sighing_Face:

We already had to accept we could never get FFS.

We tried twice to convince them to give us VFS, but they said no, and gave us no actual further voice training help.

We knew that trying to get PPT vaginoplasty would be a longshot, but we never expected:

• to have PPT basically badmouthed during a consultation;
• to hear basic PIV or scrotal flap techniques described as the "gold standard" (!!!) for genital reconfiguration surgery (GRS);
• to be told that the only surgeon who'd see us is one we'd never, ever trust or want anywhere near us, especially after having specifically requested another surgeon (the only one we'd trust in the UK for GRS); and
• that we'd need to go back begging to our gender clinic -- which no longer responds to our emails at all -- to try to convince them to submit a funding request for a basic standalone bilateral orchidectomy and scrotectomy... which would have been required anyway as part of PIV or vulvoplasty!!!

We've reached the point where we don't think we can get any joy from seeing other trans+ folks' joy and euphoria from making progress in their own transitions, particularly surgeries, as we can't help but feel so painfully sad crushingly jealous and upset that we cannot get even the most basic care after waiting even longer 😔

And nope: we've zero chance of being able to ever even fund the cheapest of surgeries privately.

Apologies for the sad dump. We needed to write it all out to have any chance at getting to sleep soon :BlobCatSad:

#EOEGS #NHS #NHSEngland #FuckTheNHS #FuckEngland #FuckTheUK #GenderAffirmingSurgery #GenderAffirmingHealthcare #gatekeeping #trans #transgender #NonBinary #TransFem #GRS #GenderDysphoria #transition #PPT #PIV #FFS #VFS #orchidectomy #FML #queer #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #LackOfTransJoy

We don't have the spoons for a detailed post. We've written other posts recently giving updates on some of our struggles, but we needed to get the thoughts out of our head before sleep tonight 🥺😔

We're realistically facing a situation very soon where we'll officially be told that we're not going to get any gender-affirming surgeries from NHS England whatsoever, making the last nearly 5 years of trying to progress through this dehumanising, anxiety-inducing, decorating, belittling, gatekeeping, outdated process completely worthless :Sighing_Face:

We already had to accept we could never get FFS.

We tried twice to convince them to give us VFS, but they said no, and gave us no actual further voice training help.

We knew that trying to get PPT vaginoplasty would be a longshot, but we never expected:

• to have PPT basically badmouthed during a consultation;
• to hear basic PIV or scrotal flap techniques described as the "gold standard" (!!!) for genital reconfiguration surgery (GRS);
• to be told that the only surgeon who'd see us is one we'd never, ever trust or want anywhere near us, especially after having specifically requested another surgeon (the only one we'd trust in the UK for GRS); and
• that we'd need to go back begging to our gender clinic -- which no longer responds to our emails at all -- to try to convince them to submit a funding request for a basic standalone bilateral orchidectomy and scrotectomy... which would have been required anyway as part of PIV or vulvoplasty!!!

We've reached the point where we don't think we can get any joy from seeing other trans+ folks' joy and euphoria from making progress in their own transitions, particularly surgeries, as we can't help but feel so painfully sad crushingly jealous and upset that we cannot get even the most basic care after waiting even longer 😔

And nope: we've zero chance of being able to ever even fund the cheapest of surgeries privately.

Apologies for the sad dump. We needed to write it all out to have any chance at getting to sleep soon :BlobCatSad:

#EOEGS #NHS #NHSEngland #FuckTheNHS #FuckEngland #FuckTheUK #GenderAffirmingSurgery #GenderAffirmingHealthcare #gatekeeping #trans #transgender #NonBinary #TransFem #GRS #GenderDysphoria #transition #PPT #PIV #FFS #VFS #orchidectomy #FML #queer #LGBTQ+ #LGBTQIA+ #LackOfTransJoy