#deconditioning — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #deconditioning, aggregated by home.social.
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Breaking free from societal indoctrination starts when you ask, “Who would I be without their rules?”
https://de320.isrefer.com/go/UNTHINKABLE/Stuartn/
#Deconditioning #FreeYourMind #QuestionEverything #AuthenticSelf #BreakTheMold #ThinkandGrowEducation #RayBehan #Positives #Negatives -
Feeling stuck isn’t a life sentence it’s a signal.
https://de320.isrefer.com/go/UNTHINKABLE/Stuartn/
#Deconditioning #FreeYourMind #QuestionEverything #AuthenticSelf #BreakTheMold #ThinkandGrowEducation #RayBehan #Workshop #UNTHINKABLE -
(If it makes you feel uncomfortable that I'm bringing Christianity into this, there — look there! — and go deeper.)
(ESPECIALLY if your urge is to reply, "But ALL religion!" No. Stop and unpack what is making you say that. The thing you're trying to avoid is lurking inside you, and will continue to until you confront it.)
🧵
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult
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(If it makes you feel uncomfortable that I'm bringing Christianity into this, there — look there! — and go deeper.)
(ESPECIALLY if your urge is to reply, "But ALL religion!" No. Stop and unpack what is making you say that. The thing you're trying to avoid is lurking inside you, and will continue to until you confront it.)
🧵
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult
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An unexamined sense of superiority is definitely part of this. I became woke when I realized that while I believed in equality, I didn't act towards equality. That my thoughts and dismissals came from a deeper sense of superiority I didn't realize. Aka "intrinsic biases."
When I learned to trust those I was looking down on, I stopped looking down on them according to my programming. I became more free. I realized they cannot be freed (nor I, as I discovered) via the current neoliberal model.
Because no matter how progressive, our entire civilization is built upon colonization. There is no position of morality as a moderate within a culture with colonization at its foundation.
(And that goes back, in an unbroken chain, to the Roman Empire, carried upon the cross of Christianity.)
🧵
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult
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An unexamined sense of superiority is definitely part of this. I became woke when I realized that while I believed in equality, I didn't act towards equality. That my thoughts and dismissals came from a deeper sense of superiority I didn't realize. Aka "intrinsic biases."
When I learned to trust those I was looking down on, I stopped looking down on them according to my programming. I became more free. I realized they cannot be freed (nor I, as I discovered) via the current neoliberal model.
Because no matter how progressive, our entire civilization is built upon colonization. There is no position of morality as a moderate within a culture with colonization at its foundation.
(And that goes back, in an unbroken chain, to the Roman Empire, carried upon the cross of Christianity.)
🧵
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult
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Dreading the onslaught of microaggressions at your upcoming holiday family gathering?
Try Watisdatsupozedamine!™*
* Use as directed. Ask your doctor if Watsidatsupozedamine?™ is right for you.
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults
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Dreading the onslaught of microaggressions at your upcoming holiday family gathering?
Try Watisdatsupozedamine!™*
* Use as directed. Ask your doctor if Watsidatsupozedamine?™ is right for you.
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults
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My last and most important tip:
This process will very, very quickly out people who are abusers and bullies at heart. Who love the hating part of being fash. They deep-down consider themselves superior, and wet their pantaloons over imagining the horrors that are happening and will continue to happen. You will have few, if any, values in common with such a person. And they cannot be changed.
My guess is (and some studies show) that about 1 in 10 people fall somewhere in this category. Asking questions is the best way to discover who they are.
And when they tell you who they are, listen.
Aside from your own scientific curiosity about what makes such people tick, there is absolutely no productive discussion that can come from continuing to speak with a person like this. You will only hurt yourself and whoever is in earshot.
So if you get to this point? Stop. Eat more stuffing and talk about sportsball.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
My last and most important tip:
This process will very, very quickly out people who are abusers and bullies at heart. Who love the hating part of being fash. They deep-down consider themselves superior, and wet their pantaloons over imagining the horrors that are happening and will continue to happen. You will have few, if any, values in common with such a person. And they cannot be changed.
My guess is (and some studies show) that about 1 in 10 people fall somewhere in this category. Asking questions is the best way to discover who they are.
And when they tell you who they are, listen.
Aside from your own scientific curiosity about what makes such people tick, there is absolutely no productive discussion that can come from continuing to speak with a person like this. You will only hurt yourself and whoever is in earshot.
So if you get to this point? Stop. Eat more stuffing and talk about sportsball.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Remember, you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. These are not academic debates among people who have agreed on certain epistemological rules. This is the realm of rhetoric and persuasion, an area we on the scientific left have neglected because it's "irrational," and thus ceded entire territories because we're not willing to be humble and meet people on their own turf. This is some western white colonizer shite that I'm in the process of unpacking myself.
You're not committing a logical fallacy by talking about feelings. We are feeling creatures.
You're not being unreasonable by trying to understand what feels to you an unreasonable position. You are connecting to another human for the purpose of communication.
You aren't winning points on a scoreboard! Congratulations! In the contest of being the most correct and in alignment with reality, you won years ago! Now stop waving your prize in front of everyone and learn to humanize – not just them, but yourself and every marginalized person you are trying to protect.
But neither is this process about excusing fash behavior or prioritizing fragile privileged feelings above the realities of those marginalized! You're not letting anyone off the hook. In fact, you're putting the person on the hook in a way that allows them to confront their own internal world.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Remember, you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. These are not academic debates among people who have agreed on certain epistemological rules. This is the realm of rhetoric and persuasion, an area we on the scientific left have neglected because it's "irrational," and thus ceded entire territories because we're not willing to be humble and meet people on their own turf. This is some western white colonizer shite that I'm in the process of unpacking myself.
You're not committing a logical fallacy by talking about feelings. We are feeling creatures.
You're not being unreasonable by trying to understand what feels to you an unreasonable position. You are connecting to another human for the purpose of communication.
You aren't winning points on a scoreboard! Congratulations! In the contest of being the most correct and in alignment with reality, you won years ago! Now stop waving your prize in front of everyone and learn to humanize – not just them, but yourself and every marginalized person you are trying to protect.
But neither is this process about excusing fash behavior or prioritizing fragile privileged feelings above the realities of those marginalized! You're not letting anyone off the hook. In fact, you're putting the person on the hook in a way that allows them to confront their own internal world.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Example Questions Part 3:
Could there be a good reason for that?
Do you know the context of why it was decided that way?
How does that work exactly? Walk me through it.
What would happen if....
How many [queer, PoC, those affected by a certain policy, etc] people do you know / have you talked to / have you heard out about this topic that affects them?
What do you really know about that worldview from the perspective of people who hold it?
Can you explain to me what you think that worldview is?
Can you explain to me the reasons people might believe that?
Why are you afraid of [n]?
Do you think [n] should be illegal?
What’s the difference between ____?
How do you reconcile [stated value] with [stated position that is apparently in conflict]?
Do you believe that everyone should have to earn or prove their right to exist? (If no, then explore how various practices and normal realities of this society require earning or proving a right to exist.)
Can all people be said to be free if some are not free?
Do you think your freedom should come at the cost of someone else's freedom?
Do you think your comfort should come at the cost of someone else's comfort?
Why do you think some people think that's racist?
Do you think that's fair?
Why do you think that's far?
What do you mean by that?
Can you expound?
What are your reasons for believing that?
What would you like to know about my worldview? (If they don't want to know anything, ask them, why not?)
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Example Questions Part 3:
Could there be a good reason for that?
Do you know the context of why it was decided that way?
How does that work exactly? Walk me through it.
What would happen if....
How many [queer, PoC, those affected by a certain policy, etc] people do you know / have you talked to / have you heard out about this topic that affects them?
What do you really know about that worldview from the perspective of people who hold it?
Can you explain to me what you think that worldview is?
Can you explain to me the reasons people might believe that?
Why are you afraid of [n]?
Do you think [n] should be illegal?
What’s the difference between ____?
How do you reconcile [stated value] with [stated position that is apparently in conflict]?
Do you believe that everyone should have to earn or prove their right to exist? (If no, then explore how various practices and normal realities of this society require earning or proving a right to exist.)
Can all people be said to be free if some are not free?
Do you think your freedom should come at the cost of someone else's freedom?
Do you think your comfort should come at the cost of someone else's comfort?
Why do you think some people think that's racist?
Do you think that's fair?
Why do you think that's far?
What do you mean by that?
Can you expound?
What are your reasons for believing that?
What would you like to know about my worldview? (If they don't want to know anything, ask them, why not?)
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Example Questions Part 2:
What is truth?
How do you know what is true?
Why do you trust [n] information source?
Why do you distrust opposing information sources?
[Questions that get at the root of trust are great at destabilizing trust in bad actors. P.S. It is morally ok to mistrust someone!]
Do you think your sources might be keeping information away from you that would change your mind?
Why do you need that to be true?
How would you know if you are wrong?
What would happen if you are wrong? How would that feel? How would you cope with that?
What evidence would convince you that your conclusions are incorrect?
What do you think might convince me of your position?
If you were being manipulated, how would you know?
What makes you different from people who are being manipulated? Why would you know and they wouldn’t?
How do you define "manipulation"? How does it work?
Do you feel like you've worked hard and did everything right and now you're not getting what you were promised?
Where is the line for deciding [n – who deserves a safety net, what the optimal rate of taxation is, punishment for a specific crime, who gets to immigrate, what someone's gender is, etc]?
Who should decide [n] and why?
...for who? (Safe for who? Good for who? Profitable for who? Efficient for who?)
Who benefits the most from that?
How do you benefit from this situation/policy/value/talking point?
What's in it for them?
Who do you think is incentivized to be behind [n]?
What does that rule incentivize?
What outcome would you like to see?
By what standards will you measure the outcome?
When [historical law passed or action taken] happened, what did you think the outcome would be? Did that come to pass?
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Example Questions Part 2:
What is truth?
How do you know what is true?
Why do you trust [n] information source?
Why do you distrust opposing information sources?
[Questions that get at the root of trust are great at destabilizing trust in bad actors. P.S. It is morally ok to mistrust someone!]
Do you think your sources might be keeping information away from you that would change your mind?
Why do you need that to be true?
How would you know if you are wrong?
What would happen if you are wrong? How would that feel? How would you cope with that?
What evidence would convince you that your conclusions are incorrect?
What do you think might convince me of your position?
If you were being manipulated, how would you know?
What makes you different from people who are being manipulated? Why would you know and they wouldn’t?
How do you define "manipulation"? How does it work?
Do you feel like you've worked hard and did everything right and now you're not getting what you were promised?
Where is the line for deciding [n – who deserves a safety net, what the optimal rate of taxation is, punishment for a specific crime, who gets to immigrate, what someone's gender is, etc]?
Who should decide [n] and why?
...for who? (Safe for who? Good for who? Profitable for who? Efficient for who?)
Who benefits the most from that?
How do you benefit from this situation/policy/value/talking point?
What's in it for them?
Who do you think is incentivized to be behind [n]?
What does that rule incentivize?
What outcome would you like to see?
By what standards will you measure the outcome?
When [historical law passed or action taken] happened, what did you think the outcome would be? Did that come to pass?
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Example Questions Part 1:
These questions are just a guide. In the discussion, you will adapt them or think of your own most appropriate to the direction of the conversation.
The biggest question for *yourself* is: What would make this person believe that?
That's you fostering YOUR OWN curiosity and you trying to solve YOUR dissonance over your loved one's difficult stance.
–
When in doubt, channel your inner toddler and ask "Why?"
Ask for their definitions of basic concepts or values they’ve expressed.
What is your definition of:
Fairness?
Freedom?
Love?
Kindness?
Equality?
Rationality?
Justice?
Rights?
Power?
Good?
Evil?
Morality?
Responsibility?
etc.What is the role or purpose of:
Taxes?
Laws?
Regulations?
Investment?
Property?
Infrastructure?
Conflict of interest?
Safety nets?
Police?
Public health?
etc.What would you say your top 5 standards/values are for deciding your political positions?
What are the benefits of [thing they disagree with]?
What are some downsides of [thing they agree with]?
Could those benefits be accomplished another way, without the downsides?
Do you think most people are [trait – smart, good or evil, responsible, etc]?
Why would someone do something like [a bad behavior they have described]?
What would you do in their situation?
Do you think nothing like that could happen to you? Why?
Do you think everyone in a bad situation deserves it? What percentage?
I assume most people are smart or act reasonably within their own experience. Why would a smart person make a stupid decision like that?
Why do you think you know more about how to solve their problems than the people who are in the situation?
Why do you think they're mad?
When did you first learn that? Who taught that to you? How old were you? Have you revisited those assumptions?
What is truth?
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Example Questions Part 1:
These questions are just a guide. In the discussion, you will adapt them or think of your own most appropriate to the direction of the conversation.
The biggest question for *yourself* is: What would make this person believe that?
That's you fostering YOUR OWN curiosity and you trying to solve YOUR dissonance over your loved one's difficult stance.
–
When in doubt, channel your inner toddler and ask "Why?"
Ask for their definitions of basic concepts or values they’ve expressed.
What is your definition of:
Fairness?
Freedom?
Love?
Kindness?
Equality?
Rationality?
Justice?
Rights?
Power?
Good?
Evil?
Morality?
Responsibility?
etc.What is the role or purpose of:
Taxes?
Laws?
Regulations?
Investment?
Property?
Infrastructure?
Conflict of interest?
Safety nets?
Police?
Public health?
etc.What would you say your top 5 standards/values are for deciding your political positions?
What are the benefits of [thing they disagree with]?
What are some downsides of [thing they agree with]?
Could those benefits be accomplished another way, without the downsides?
Do you think most people are [trait – smart, good or evil, responsible, etc]?
Why would someone do something like [a bad behavior they have described]?
What would you do in their situation?
Do you think nothing like that could happen to you? Why?
Do you think everyone in a bad situation deserves it? What percentage?
I assume most people are smart or act reasonably within their own experience. Why would a smart person make a stupid decision like that?
Why do you think you know more about how to solve their problems than the people who are in the situation?
Why do you think they're mad?
When did you first learn that? Who taught that to you? How old were you? Have you revisited those assumptions?
What is truth?
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Tips Part 2:
If they become defensive, you have stepped into their "psychological inoculation" or a conditioned reaction against that line of thinking. Defensiveness is a cognitive dissonance reaction, a sign to STOP that approach and try something new. If you find yourself "arguing" or feeling anxious or upset, it is time to change directions, take a break, or stop for now.
Follow up questions with more questions, like the question game. "What do you mean by...?" You can make statements or clarify your own position, but try to stick with questions and give them as much of the floor as possible.
It's counterintuitive, but questions put you in control of the flow of discussion, even though they will do most of the speaking. If they're answering, they're THINKING. This is 1000x better than preaching.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Tips Part 2:
If they become defensive, you have stepped into their "psychological inoculation" or a conditioned reaction against that line of thinking. Defensiveness is a cognitive dissonance reaction, a sign to STOP that approach and try something new. If you find yourself "arguing" or feeling anxious or upset, it is time to change directions, take a break, or stop for now.
Follow up questions with more questions, like the question game. "What do you mean by...?" You can make statements or clarify your own position, but try to stick with questions and give them as much of the floor as possible.
It's counterintuitive, but questions put you in control of the flow of discussion, even though they will do most of the speaking. If they're answering, they're THINKING. This is 1000x better than preaching.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Tips Part 1:
You have the right to consent to a conversation, and thus, to the direction of the conversation.
Questions let you direct the discussion. You do not need to follow their obvious line of argument or jump to the obvious rebuttal. Manipulators in society have control of the larger "conversation," so pick a different path than what is expected!
Foster a genuine sense of curiosity in yourself so that the questions feel (and are) sincere. Remember that you are on "their side" as a person rather than against them as an ideological opponent.
Avoid "gotchas" and the sweet consonance of "being right." Eventually, contradictions will arise, but do not gloat, and use questions (like "How do you reconcile [x] with [y]?" or "How does that fit with what you said earlier about [z]?") to get them to see it themselves rather than an epic mic-drop.
Be sure to express when you agree with part or all of their answers. This builds bonds, reduces antagonism (us vs them), helps pinpoint specifically where the disagreement is, and most importantly, gives them the emotional reward of cognitive consonance for finding common ground with you.
Dig beyond surface-level conclusions, and instead go deep, to the fundamentals that underlie their thinking. The process will help bypass their unquestioned assumptions, circumvent their defenses, and help them make new connections and explore aspects of their position they have never thought about before.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Tips Part 1:
You have the right to consent to a conversation, and thus, to the direction of the conversation.
Questions let you direct the discussion. You do not need to follow their obvious line of argument or jump to the obvious rebuttal. Manipulators in society have control of the larger "conversation," so pick a different path than what is expected!
Foster a genuine sense of curiosity in yourself so that the questions feel (and are) sincere. Remember that you are on "their side" as a person rather than against them as an ideological opponent.
Avoid "gotchas" and the sweet consonance of "being right." Eventually, contradictions will arise, but do not gloat, and use questions (like "How do you reconcile [x] with [y]?" or "How does that fit with what you said earlier about [z]?") to get them to see it themselves rather than an epic mic-drop.
Be sure to express when you agree with part or all of their answers. This builds bonds, reduces antagonism (us vs them), helps pinpoint specifically where the disagreement is, and most importantly, gives them the emotional reward of cognitive consonance for finding common ground with you.
Dig beyond surface-level conclusions, and instead go deep, to the fundamentals that underlie their thinking. The process will help bypass their unquestioned assumptions, circumvent their defenses, and help them make new connections and explore aspects of their position they have never thought about before.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults -
Given the upcoming US holiday, I'm going to boost some of my old threads on the topic of political discussions with those you disagree.
Remember, stay curious, ask questions, and stick to core values!
And I'm going to create a new thread here with some unpublished tips and example questions! These will range through both political and religious [mostly political], but they will give you an idea of what provokes thought and productive discussion.
🧵
#AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults #Thanksgiving
-
Given the upcoming US holiday, I'm going to boost some of my old threads on the topic of political discussions with those you disagree.
Remember, stay curious, ask questions, and stick to core values!
And I'm going to create a new thread here with some unpublished tips and example questions! These will range through both political and religious [mostly political], but they will give you an idea of what provokes thought and productive discussion.
🧵
#AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults #Thanksgiving
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Poking fun at "Perfectionism," as in "Loool those religious nuts are sure not perfect!" is not the easy win you think it is.
I've gotten this type of flippant comment a few times recently when I've been trying to address serious topics to help religiously conditioned folks unpack bigotry (which requires some level of safety).
First off, victims of mind control are abuse victims who have been traumatized. Fine to criticize the harmful ways cult victims act, but our programming runs deep and hurts us too.
Perfectionism is a long-standing school of religious philosophy embedded in American culture, even in secular and corporate American culture.
Outside of very specific situations (engineering, concert piano, competition), "perfection" cannot really be defined, so it is an insidiously high standard that can never be achieved. It is a high-demand religious (and corporate) manipulation tool, and also one used by domestic abusers, to justify punishment and to continually move the goalposts, creating a sense of "perpetual inadequacy" in its targets.
Very not fun.
There are studies on how toxic and damaging perfectionism, as a lifestyle, can be. For those of us recovering from toxic perfectionism, it has caused us serious emotional, mental, and physical health issues, and is incredibly difficult to overcome.
For those of us who were programmed with this pressure as guide to the very way of living life, for which the consequences of failure were rejection for eternity by our families and God, the "lol lol they sure aren't perfect" line is punching down. Honestly, in a triggering way.
Instead, punch up at the bastards who made us believe in this crap. They're the true benefactors, and the true cause of this kind of thinking on such a large and deep scale.
-
Poking fun at "Perfectionism," as in "Loool those religious nuts are sure not perfect!" is not the easy win you think it is.
I've gotten this type of flippant comment a few times recently when I've been trying to address serious topics to help religiously conditioned folks unpack bigotry (which requires some level of safety).
First off, victims of mind control are abuse victims who have been traumatized. Fine to criticize the harmful ways cult victims act, but our programming runs deep and hurts us too.
Perfectionism is a long-standing school of religious philosophy embedded in American culture, even in secular and corporate American culture.
Outside of very specific situations (engineering, concert piano, competition), "perfection" cannot really be defined, so it is an insidiously high standard that can never be achieved. It is a high-demand religious (and corporate) manipulation tool, and also one used by domestic abusers, to justify punishment and to continually move the goalposts, creating a sense of "perpetual inadequacy" in its targets.
Very not fun.
There are studies on how toxic and damaging perfectionism, as a lifestyle, can be. For those of us recovering from toxic perfectionism, it has caused us serious emotional, mental, and physical health issues, and is incredibly difficult to overcome.
For those of us who were programmed with this pressure as guide to the very way of living life, for which the consequences of failure were rejection for eternity by our families and God, the "lol lol they sure aren't perfect" line is punching down. Honestly, in a triggering way.
Instead, punch up at the bastards who made us believe in this crap. They're the true benefactors, and the true cause of this kind of thinking on such a large and deep scale.
-
This applies to any other form of bigotry you may have been programmed with.
If you are reading this and relate to any of it and want to be less bigot, you can free yourself by deconditioning.
Become aware of this dynamic within you. Become aware of any emotional reactions you have as you move through the world. Watch your inner life. Pause when you find yourself becoming defensive. (If there's little time and you're very reactive, just say, "Interesting. Thank you. I'll need to think about this." You're allowed to step away to process, or change subjects.)
Over time, dig to find a "woopsie, my bad" mistake-level within you, between the extremes you were programmed with. Foster that feeling. "I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from this and move on."
Practice. You can practice using those embarrassing moments you think of while trying to fall asleep. "Gosh that sure was embarrassing! Even after all these years I feel like I'm going to die when I remember that. But I know people who did embarrassing things and I'm still their friend."
Work to reframe and establish this middle ground, so that when it's a marginalized person commenting on your behavior, you have a calm, safe, receptive place inside to land.
That's probably the end of the thread. My breakfast got cold! Have a great Saturday, or whatever day it is for you in the future.
🧵
-
This applies to any other form of bigotry you may have been programmed with.
If you are reading this and relate to any of it and want to be less bigot, you can free yourself by deconditioning.
Become aware of this dynamic within you. Become aware of any emotional reactions you have as you move through the world. Watch your inner life. Pause when you find yourself becoming defensive. (If there's little time and you're very reactive, just say, "Interesting. Thank you. I'll need to think about this." You're allowed to step away to process, or change subjects.)
Over time, dig to find a "woopsie, my bad" mistake-level within you, between the extremes you were programmed with. Foster that feeling. "I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from this and move on."
Practice. You can practice using those embarrassing moments you think of while trying to fall asleep. "Gosh that sure was embarrassing! Even after all these years I feel like I'm going to die when I remember that. But I know people who did embarrassing things and I'm still their friend."
Work to reframe and establish this middle ground, so that when it's a marginalized person commenting on your behavior, you have a calm, safe, receptive place inside to land.
That's probably the end of the thread. My breakfast got cold! Have a great Saturday, or whatever day it is for you in the future.
🧵
-
Now you, the sincere follower, go about your life in the real world with this package of malware in your head.
You're eventually going to say something racist in mixed company. And you're going to be called out on it. By someone who isn't a recognized religious or political authority.
Suddenly you're triggered. You can't just be, "woopsie, my bad." You're not going to be receptive or teachable. Because you've been moved to the 100% bad box. Even though the person who gently mentioned it in order to help you be the good person you think you are only wanted a woopsie level of response.
All that going to hell stuff, being cut off from your community and God's presence, all of that baggage comes along with a pressing, dire, life-or-death need to defend yourself, all the roles you've been traumatized in religious contexts, that is with you now, not the person who called you out. These are the only alternatives of being for you:
1. Chosen pure moral Christian, the only keeper and defender of all that is good and right in the world.
or
2. Depraved Satan-spawn of unworthy, unclean wickedness who is definitely going to hell, oh and God hates you.
Since you heard that racist thing from a respected religious or political authority, who is definitely in box #1, then the problem here *couldn't possibly* be the racist thing you said that has put you in this terrifying emotional predicament. No, it must be that your accuser is wrong. THEY'RE the wicked one. Maybe they're even the racist. How dare they! Now I must frantically prove that *I'm* not the racist. Maybe by repeating more things that my covert racist pastor or home teacher said.
This is your only way out. Because of your conditioning.
These are the puppet strings that are on the minds of vast numbers of white American Christians.
[Sorry for the pronoun jumping. Bad form. I just want to get this written; consider it a first draft. I know what you mean.]
🧵
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Now you, the sincere follower, go about your life in the real world with this package of malware in your head.
You're eventually going to say something racist in mixed company. And you're going to be called out on it. By someone who isn't a recognized religious or political authority.
Suddenly you're triggered. You can't just be, "woopsie, my bad." You're not going to be receptive or teachable. Because you've been moved to the 100% bad box. Even though the person who gently mentioned it in order to help you be the good person you think you are only wanted a woopsie level of response.
All that going to hell stuff, being cut off from your community and God's presence, all of that baggage comes along with a pressing, dire, life-or-death need to defend yourself, all the roles you've been traumatized in religious contexts, that is with you now, not the person who called you out. These are the only alternatives of being for you:
1. Chosen pure moral Christian, the only keeper and defender of all that is good and right in the world.
or
2. Depraved Satan-spawn of unworthy, unclean wickedness who is definitely going to hell, oh and God hates you.
Since you heard that racist thing from a respected religious or political authority, who is definitely in box #1, then the problem here *couldn't possibly* be the racist thing you said that has put you in this terrifying emotional predicament. No, it must be that your accuser is wrong. THEY'RE the wicked one. Maybe they're even the racist. How dare they! Now I must frantically prove that *I'm* not the racist. Maybe by repeating more things that my covert racist pastor or home teacher said.
This is your only way out. Because of your conditioning.
These are the puppet strings that are on the minds of vast numbers of white American Christians.
[Sorry for the pronoun jumping. Bad form. I just want to get this written; consider it a first draft. I know what you mean.]
🧵
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I've been inspired by some thoughts this morning about why white people can get extra defensive about bigotry.
It's not white guilt.
It's white *Christian* guilt.
There's no level of wrongdoing that's "woopsie, I did a bad" in much of white American Christianity. The way I was raised, you're either 100% a good person or 100% bad. My religion put me alternatingly either in one box or the other, a package of cult techniques known as "Elitism" and the whole "Demand for Purity" [I originally wrote Perfection, which isn't the official term, but applies the same] to "Shame & Guilt" to "Dispensing of Existence" pipeline, a cycle I describe in my book, Recovering Agency. You're either one of God's beloved chosen to fight the wicked in the Last Days, or you're an unworthy piece of crap that God can't even stand to be around and you're going to suffer die.
I've also written in my book and described on podcasts the idea of the "pseudopersonality" created by cults in their followers. Your identity becomes so entangled in the group identity,l that the very thought of leaving or being disowned feels like a death threat. Who am I even, if not Mormon? But I have to do all these things to be Mormon. So a believer shapes their self-image and ego around the organization and its beliefs.
As you can maybe see, being a "good person" becomes directly tied to one's sense of safety. Combined with the ongoing spiritual trauma from these and other sources within the group, any hint that one is NOT a good person, particularly coming from anyone other than recognized authority, becomes a deeply conditioned trauma response.
Then the group introduces racist ideas in the context of religious teachings, but also teaches that the religion ISN'T racist. In fact, your group is the only beacon of real love in a wicked, Satanic world... ("Sacred Science", etc)
🧵
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I've been inspired by some thoughts this morning about why white people can get extra defensive about bigotry.
It's not white guilt.
It's white *Christian* guilt.
There's no level of wrongdoing that's "woopsie, I did a bad" in much of white American Christianity. The way I was raised, you're either 100% a good person or 100% bad. My religion put me alternatingly either in one box or the other, a package of cult techniques known as "Elitism" and the whole "Demand for Purity" [I originally wrote Perfection, which isn't the official term, but applies the same] to "Shame & Guilt" to "Dispensing of Existence" pipeline, a cycle I describe in my book, Recovering Agency. You're either one of God's beloved chosen to fight the wicked in the Last Days, or you're an unworthy piece of crap that God can't even stand to be around and you're going to suffer die.
I've also written in my book and described on podcasts the idea of the "pseudopersonality" created by cults in their followers. Your identity becomes so entangled in the group identity,l that the very thought of leaving or being disowned feels like a death threat. Who am I even, if not Mormon? But I have to do all these things to be Mormon. So a believer shapes their self-image and ego around the organization and its beliefs.
As you can maybe see, being a "good person" becomes directly tied to one's sense of safety. Combined with the ongoing spiritual trauma from these and other sources within the group, any hint that one is NOT a good person, particularly coming from anyone other than recognized authority, becomes a deeply conditioned trauma response.
Then the group introduces racist ideas in the context of religious teachings, but also teaches that the religion ISN'T racist. In fact, your group is the only beacon of real love in a wicked, Satanic world... ("Sacred Science", etc)
🧵
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Every day, fearlessly, with no topic off limits for exploration, earnestly ask yourself...
"What if I'm wrong?"
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Every day, fearlessly, with no topic off limits for exploration, earnestly ask yourself...
"What if I'm wrong?"
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And once you've steered the conversation and gotten them on record hating billionaires, then you move in with the thought-provoking questions that subvert their thoughts-terminating clichés:
"Don't you think it would benefit billionaires to use their money on propaganda across decades to get you to think 'socialism' is the real enemy, to detract attention away from the harms they've been causing society all along? Wouldn't that be a great way to trick the public into continually lowing *their* taxes, without lowering yours?"
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And once you've steered the conversation and gotten them on record hating billionaires, then you move in with the thought-provoking questions that subvert their thoughts-terminating clichés:
"Don't you think it would benefit billionaires to use their money on propaganda across decades to get you to think 'socialism' is the real enemy, to detract attention away from the harms they've been causing society all along? Wouldn't that be a great way to trick the public into continually lowing *their* taxes, without lowering yours?"
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@atax1a @eri As a white person who has unpacked some of these feelings in myself, not just along demographic lines but other lines as well, like towards children, I can confirm. It's subconscious, so I felt honest in saying I wasn't racist, etc, that I believed in equality, but really I didn't know what equality *felt* like. It was just words I'd been taught to associate with "good," and I'm good, so the reasoning went that I'm those things magically without having to work on it.
Learning about validation really helped with that as I forced myself to actually listen to people whose views I didn't understand (starting with my children). The term "testimonial injustice" was later helpful in expanding that, to realize there were classes of people who I was more likely to believe or even listen to than others.
We're definitely programmed with these to become instincts understood below the verbal/rational level, that are impossible to recognize without unflinching hard work towards increasing self-awareness. It takes courage, but it is also personally freeing.
And it's a constant process. As they say, love is a verb.
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@atax1a @eri As a white person who has unpacked some of these feelings in myself, not just along demographic lines but other lines as well, like towards children, I can confirm. It's subconscious, so I felt honest in saying I wasn't racist, etc, that I believed in equality, but really I didn't know what equality *felt* like. It was just words I'd been taught to associate with "good," and I'm good, so the reasoning went that I'm those things magically without having to work on it.
Learning about validation really helped with that as I forced myself to actually listen to people whose views I didn't understand (starting with my children). The term "testimonial injustice" was later helpful in expanding that, to realize there were classes of people who I was more likely to believe or even listen to than others.
We're definitely programmed with these to become instincts understood below the verbal/rational level, that are impossible to recognize without unflinching hard work towards increasing self-awareness. It takes courage, but it is also personally freeing.
And it's a constant process. As they say, love is a verb.
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Whiteness IS a culture. It's just inauthentic to our deeper erased traditions, constructed to serve the needs of the powerful. We can do better and find liberation from those who manipulate us to serve as their weapons against people of color.
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Whiteness IS a culture. It's just inauthentic to our deeper erased traditions, constructed to serve the needs of the powerful. We can do better and find liberation from those who manipulate us to serve as their weapons against people of color.
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My mom thinks I have evil spirits. The direct results of this thousand-year-old hate campaign is deep, lasting pain and trauma, and the destruction of relationships.
Christian "sinner" talk is hate speech.
I'm so over it.
*kicks over a trash can*
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon
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My mom thinks I have evil spirits. The direct results of this thousand-year-old hate campaign is deep, lasting pain and trauma, and the destruction of relationships.
Christian "sinner" talk is hate speech.
I'm so over it.
*kicks over a trash can*
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon
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You know, all that stuff most Christian traditions spout about the wickedness and whoredoms of men blah blah. Pages and pages, whole sermons painting pictures in graphic language of sinners and unbelievers as the worst creatures who ever crawled the earth, the target of their god's omnipotent wrath...
That's hate speech.
Classic, textbook hate speech.
Complete with slurs, maligning groups of people for their harmless beliefs and ethnicities, false accusations, and calling for and fantasizing violence towards them.
Us.
Me.
And this is accepted as normal for most of American society. Many of us have internalized it, even after leaving.
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon
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You know, all that stuff most Christian traditions spout about the wickedness and whoredoms of men blah blah. Pages and pages, whole sermons painting pictures in graphic language of sinners and unbelievers as the worst creatures who ever crawled the earth, the target of their god's omnipotent wrath...
That's hate speech.
Classic, textbook hate speech.
Complete with slurs, maligning groups of people for their harmless beliefs and ethnicities, false accusations, and calling for and fantasizing violence towards them.
Us.
Me.
And this is accepted as normal for most of American society. Many of us have internalized it, even after leaving.
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #exmo #exmormon #ReligiousTrauma #LDS #Mormon
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Sometimes wording precision is good or even necessary. As a writer, I try to be as precise as possible, and keep several dictionaries and thesauri close at hand. People get upset at me with my $1 words because I'm trying to be so precise.
But eventually you run into limits, because words are the underlying human model of reality, all models are wrong, but some models are useful.
Some words are accurate. Some words are useful. Some words are impossible to pin down. All words are merely tools. They are not reality.
Words are just the handle on the suitcase with a concept inside. When I had you a word, I hand you *only* the handle. What's inside the suitcase is yours, and never ever is it exactly the same as what's in mine, even if we spend a lot of time hashing out definitions.
Feel free to switch up what's inside your suitcase. The old stuff will always be in there underneath if you need it again.
🧵
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Sometimes wording precision is good or even necessary. As a writer, I try to be as precise as possible, and keep several dictionaries and thesauri close at hand. People get upset at me with my $1 words because I'm trying to be so precise.
But eventually you run into limits, because words are the underlying human model of reality, all models are wrong, but some models are useful.
Some words are accurate. Some words are useful. Some words are impossible to pin down. All words are merely tools. They are not reality.
Words are just the handle on the suitcase with a concept inside. When I had you a word, I hand you *only* the handle. What's inside the suitcase is yours, and never ever is it exactly the same as what's in mine, even if we spend a lot of time hashing out definitions.
Feel free to switch up what's inside your suitcase. The old stuff will always be in there underneath if you need it again.
🧵
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So a pun is basically some deeper part of us going hey, these two things are not similar and yet they are! So funny and/or bad!
Which, if you dig into the etymology, you'll often find that they came from exactly the same place and at some point morphed in meaning to be different (often even *opposite*) and we can learn something about the human train of thought that lead us here over hundreds of years.
Why is this important?
I had a Jungian therapist who focused on puns in dreams (visual puns, too) because those often reveal deeper meanings. He'd have me describe an element of the dream in 3 words, then ask me, "What does x, y, and z remind you of in your life?" and it would immediately fit something and the whole dream made sense, revealing deeper personal truth.
And that's when I learned that as logical as I might try to be, it's irrational to deny the squishiness of human thought.
You're not a rigid computer, and neither is language.
🧵
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So a pun is basically some deeper part of us going hey, these two things are not similar and yet they are! So funny and/or bad!
Which, if you dig into the etymology, you'll often find that they came from exactly the same place and at some point morphed in meaning to be different (often even *opposite*) and we can learn something about the human train of thought that lead us here over hundreds of years.
Why is this important?
I had a Jungian therapist who focused on puns in dreams (visual puns, too) because those often reveal deeper meanings. He'd have me describe an element of the dream in 3 words, then ask me, "What does x, y, and z remind you of in your life?" and it would immediately fit something and the whole dream made sense, revealing deeper personal truth.
And that's when I learned that as logical as I might try to be, it's irrational to deny the squishiness of human thought.
You're not a rigid computer, and neither is language.
🧵
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Our subconscious doesn't operate "rationally." It's a bunch of emotions, symbols, vibes, and loosely connected ideas that the conscious senses and acts upon (or pretends to).
Together as humanity, these all come together in what Jung called the collective unconscious, which he never meant to be a swishy woo thing. It's not that mysterious. It's just another word for "culture," and how we as individuals both shape and act from those undercurrents, which exist in each of our minds. Memes are a related concept, most closely related to what psychologists call "cognitions" in an individual, but shared between many.
Learning the language of the subconscious (yours specifically and everyone's generically) helps us see these larger cultural layers, so they become more conscious. So we can make choices about them.
Puns play a role in that. Because the language carries a history of human thought, and most English puns are cognate (from the same ancient root).
🧵
-
Our subconscious doesn't operate "rationally." It's a bunch of emotions, symbols, vibes, and loosely connected ideas that the conscious senses and acts upon (or pretends to).
Together as humanity, these all come together in what Jung called the collective unconscious, which he never meant to be a swishy woo thing. It's not that mysterious. It's just another word for "culture," and how we as individuals both shape and act from those undercurrents, which exist in each of our minds. Memes are a related concept, most closely related to what psychologists call "cognitions" in an individual, but shared between many.
Learning the language of the subconscious (yours specifically and everyone's generically) helps us see these larger cultural layers, so they become more conscious. So we can make choices about them.
Puns play a role in that. Because the language carries a history of human thought, and most English puns are cognate (from the same ancient root).
🧵