#cheatingincident — Public Fediverse posts

I have no idea how Allēna has kept it together for so long.

I’ve been frontstuck for the past two days and I don’t know how she can front for weeks to months at a time. This is the longest I’ve been in front in about 17 years that I can recall, and the longer it goes on, the more painful it becomes.

There is so much I’ve missed. I’ve been on an island in headspace that Kalla built some years ago that I call Little Patmos trying to make sense of Eight’s insane ramblings, prophecies, and dreams from his tenure as host while the others got out from under Zelda because I knew some shit was going down and I didn’t want to be present for it. That’s been my escape strategy for over the past decade and a half.

I never thought that at any point, I would be the only able or willing fronter. There were too many of us, I thought. Surely Lazarus would be willing to front before I would have to.

But no..

Two days ago, I woke up in front. Peri was carrying a rather large gun, dressed like Sir Integra from the anime Hellsing Ultimate. She has staunchly refused to front, citing some threat she’s unwilling to disclose.

Australis, a new arrival in my absence, looked like he’d seen a ghost.

Tristan and Theo have both been more concerned with other matters rather than fronting. That leaves me as the only fronter currently anywhere close to headspace as well as acting host until Allēna comes back from wherever she is.

I’ve been slowly coming to grips with the fact that Allēna and Eight especially have accomplished everything I wanted to do in life multiple times over, Zelda, the first person who could touch me and it not hurt long term in years, used us up and threw us away, and we are now legally married for the second time.

I have no idea who I am anymore. I barely have a sense of where I am. I feel like a fucking shell. If we were still drinking, I would be shitfaced under some table right now. But I am not going to do that, as tempting as it sounds.

Here’s to self discovery, I suppose?

And Zelda, if you’re still keeping up with this blog, go fuck yourself. Better yet, don’t. I hope no one ever touches you again, you piece of shit. I know I got back with you last summer, but I regret that decision every day. Allēna deserved better. I deserved better. Emerson and Beany definitely deserved better. Everyone you’ve ever talked shit about deserved better. I’ll see you in hell.

I’m going to go try and get some sleep once I’m done crying.

-Castor

I had a very busy day yesterday and I am exhausted from packing today.

I went to a ball yesterday that was more like a dance party in disguise because the DJ seemed to be allergic to playing slow songs. I also made a masterpost on Facebook regarding the ongoing situation with Zelda in response to an anonymous question I received. If you’d also like to send me anonymous questions, click here.

-Allēna

“supplication”

you have taken the world that I was
and left me empty 
craving 
longing
is there anything that I can use to fill the chasm 
on the side of the bed where you once slept 

I stumble home 
if I can even still call it that 
for in the taking, you 
took more than just yourself 
you took everything that meant something to me
from this space and left it ruined 
just like me 

now even the flies are starving

sobs wrack my threadbare chest 
everyone that I once knew is turning
away from me and into their own personal 
darkness, tired
can you come back and give me anything 
even undo me again
please 

-Allēna 1/11/2026

I wrote this early this morning. I’m very proud of it.

I've spent too much time
wrapped around the axle of your love 
three “I wish I didn't miss you” winters soured 
I am regretfully tightly wound and solemn
every day’s a funeral and I break the cold ground 
hours before daybreak 
this is one burial that is long overdue 

I don't hate this city 
I have come to love it perhaps in spite of you 
I make praise to its neighborhoods and 
the lake effect snow 
my world is finally becoming bigger than the 
four walls that we share
you no longer dictate the pace, nor do you set 
the price of it
there was once a time that I would have gone out
and bought the entire city for you if only you'd 
asked, unto half my kingdom, but you never did
and now you hate me for things you never 
had the courage to say 
and the lies that I drank from your mouth 
like a perverse communion, for
when I laid us to rest, you
had only ash to eat and 
nakedness to wear 

so wander these cold, crooked streets wild
calling for someone to cover up what you did
some new soul to eat your sin
while I repair the frayed ends 
I tore from you

-Allēna 11/27/2025

#breakup #cheatingincident #milwaukee #sadpoem #zelda

Reblog of MythicMuse:

Reblog via MythicMuse

@opensorceryy Aww sweety no!!!! I’ve been watching you guys just be your happy selves and was so glad for you all. Why people gotta ruin perfectly good things? I’m really sorry that happened.

I really appreciate your kind words.. it’s been rough since finding out, especially since we all live together now. I’m tough, though, and I’ll make it.

-Allēna

#cheatingincident #reblog #reply #zelda