#stopmenow — Public Fediverse posts

Somewhere in the sewers beneath Gotham City in a deviously hidden umbrella factory...

🐧"That orange pustule will never get away with this. Wack. Wack. Wack. Nobody can put a tariff on The Penguin. The Diddler will never get away with this outrage against penguinkind! Why I'll shove an umbrella so far up..."

🤓"Didn't The Diddler even look at a map?

"What hideous retribution awaits the orange menace after a 10% tariff was Diddled onto islands only inhabited by penguins?

"Will the Limeys rebel against this unwarranted surcharge on umbrellas?

"Will anyone in Scotland even notice?

"Has The Diddler finally gone too far?

"How did The Diddler's multitude of mean moronic misguided malign minions miss putting tariffs on Atlantis, Narnia, Wonderland, Wakanda and Oz?

"Will they find a pretext to pretend to tax unicorns, dragons, and leprechauns?

"Will Penguin open the umbrella?

"Tune in to find out. Same Bat-shit Time. Same Bat-shit Channel."

#Trump #TrumpTariffs
#StopMeNow

@elysegrasso

Perhaps you are overusing "the" in the way liberal elites do, when "a" would work if you but adopted conservative Kennebunkport-Ersatz-Cowboy Dubya-Speak like Ted Cruz:

Texas Dang-ma'am Style.

Replacing "the" with "a" saves two-thirds of the letters. About 5100 letters are conserved or as much as 1000 words with which you could easily write a preface explaining eradicating "the" from your writing as an effort to reduce deforestation caused by a book by about 1%.

By fully embracing Dang-ma'am Style, you could further reduce letter consumption for "an" by eliminating n's resulting in a whopping 50% reduction in that word alone thereby conserving n's for use in words ending in "-tion" in order to reach Triple Word Score boxes.

I have found that in my own writing that "that" is often a word that needs to be weeded out. But that is obviously an issue that I must address in the dark and stormy hours of the night.

Texas Dang-ma'am Style.

#WritersCoffeeClub
#StopMeNow

The Revival of Psycho

This modern remake of "Psycho" set in the White House starring Elon Musk as Norman Bates, with Mike Johnson as Norma, with a cameo by Donald J. Trump himself portraying Mother's rotting corpse in the basement is showing on the Internet everywhere.

"The book is better. Buy it on Amazon and listen to the audio book while you sound out the words. Shipping is "free" with Amazon Prime."--Jeff B.

"Nearly as stunning and pointless a remake as META is of SecondLife."--Mark Z.

"It was so scary I had to leave early."--Vivek R.

"JD's smarmy performance as The Geek Chorus is most certainly not worth the price of admission."--Name withheld for fear of Gazpacho reprisals.

"We will not be calling the White House 'The New All Inclusive Bates Motel.' No matter how many executive orders get signed."--The Associated Press.

"Stay away from the bathtub and do not under any circumstances take a shower."--Any US Agency.

#AlfredHitchcockAnything
#HashTagGames
#StopMeNow

@allrite

A big difference of course is...

Then: We were expected to think critically and test before releasing software and to get it right the first time or find another line of work.

Now: Everything is designed on PostIT Notes while the team pretends to play rugby--a sport they are all utterly physically incapable of playing. All subscriptions come with frequently updated diseased agile bugs straight out of "Starship Troopers."

Go fast. See what it is like when the wheels come off because you paid somebody else to take your physics exams in college...

The world has been sentenced to trial by error because too many of our offspring were triggered by critical thinking and coddled by lawyers.

As is demonstrated so well by "X" you can in fact get it wrong all of the time and just shoot up a little more Special K to hallucinate the financial and reputational consequences away.

It is simply amazing how many people can't distinguish between Right, Wrong, and Right Now.

#StopMeNow

@patrickcmiller

This is of course a blatant attempt to increase international subscriptions to their social media sites.

At what point do these Villionaires finally sink so low they reach the center of the Earth?

"They said we couldn't do it. 'Sir,' they said with tears in their eyes, 'there is no way you can dig deeper than the depths of Hell.'

"We proved them all wrong didn't we. Just look at this place. Fantastic. There is a McDonald's and a KFC. There are so many very fine people here: Adolf and Rush. All of the Great Vlad's: The Impaler and Lenin. If we had only known we would have come here sooner."

"Now let's see the golf course..."

#StopMeNow

#Trump #Ukraine #Zelenskyy #Zelensky

Please send cookies and come visit me if the Gazpatcho finds me...

#StopMeNow

@MelMScow

You would not say that if you had ever been spiked with a stiletto by an enraged barefoot woman in a dimly lit fog filled alley.

Just how do you think all of those nefarious gentlemen of dubious repute in film noir came by their dashing eye patches? Leaving the spoon in their tea?

You dismiss the grave danger posed by high heels to your own peril. One does not commit crime in high heels. The high heels are the crime. A high crime encompassing motive, opportunity, and means.

Do not ignore the "click, thump, click, thump, click, splash, click, squish, click, squish..." following you down the darkened alley unless you want to be known forevermore as One-Eye...

Unless of course you aspire to become a pirate and lack the courage to leave the spoon in your tea.

#StopMeNow

@pezmico

There is invariably clown makeup beneath the mask.

Hypocrite: One who adopts a faux intellectual persona to speak in pretentious supercilious tones promoting spectacularly sophomorically simplistic ideas as solutions to intractably complex problems.

Hypercrite: A hypocrite who injects ketamine at risk of rapid unscheduled disassociation.

Hippocrite: A large insentient venomous red creature native to Magastan prone to attacking humanitarians while disguised as an elephant. Often found in the shards of china shops trying to adjust intricate Swiss watches using sledgehammers and chainsaws.

A close relative to the Smarmy Nepocrite found in the swamps and marshes of the Southern United States.

I believe the term they were looking for was "free speech abolitionists."

The world would be much saner if Ayn Rand had boldfaced and underlined the word "intelligent" in the libertarian scribbles that are so often cited by libertines to justify their selfishness.

#StopMeNow

#Musk

Due to a mispronunciation on a foreign language news report I learned a new word:

"Villionaire" as in "Villionaire Elon Musk."

Though of course this term is not exclusive and may be applied to any of the many Villionaires destroying democracy around the world right now.

#StopMeNow

@TechCrunch

Then the time is ripe for speculating that #Zuckerberg has captured Sherman and is holding him hostage in a virtual dungeon at #Meta in order to get Mr. Peabody to take him back to 1980 along with Rand Paul and other members of the Delluminati to get their hair permed in a style called Midlife-Crisis-Disco-Bald prior to going to the No-Girlz-Allowed secret handshake all masculine energy all of the time meetings of the Delluminati in the ultra-secret exclusive clubhouse hidden in the sewers beneath Studio 54 where they dress up in ceremonial leisure suits with giant collared floral print shirts unbuttoned to their navels to display numerous tacky gold chains tangled in their chest hair (if any) while donning two-toned platform shoes after which they get smashed on Kamikazes and Piña Colladas and duel with Fondue Forks like real men until somebody puts out an eye or gets a cheese stain that just won't come out in the wash.

I can see how that might work out.

#StopMeNow

I was quite concerned when I heard that Fred Mertz had become Chancellor of Germany... Oh...

#StopMeNow

#Trump #Musk

I propose that we refer to the co-Presidency of Magastan from here on out as:

Don El Rumpmusk

Tabloid click-bait style.

In homage to the Gilded Age the monarchs of Magastan so long to return to we should refer to today's obscenely wealthy, not as Robber Barons, but as:

Fraudster Barons

This will avoid confusion for people who never read nor understand history and better reflect the Fraudster Barons' means of acquiring their fortunes.

The age we now live in should be called:

The Siliconman Age.

Recommended, and perhaps required, reading for Don El Rumpmusk should be "The Man Who Would Be King."

The lessons to be learned as Don El Rumpmusk looks into the mirror and discovers massive fraud therein will no doubt be the same lessons learned by revolutionaries who overstepped the people's will throughout history.

As the price of eggs rises, so shall the people of Magastan. They will not be wielding pitch forks or torches.

Nothing good will come of this.

#StopMeNow

@LibertyForward1

That sounds very suspicious to me.

If it stops...

Open the safe and get your cash and spare passports.

Light up the burn bag.

Press the big red Destruct button on your computer.

(Unless you are using Windows in which case that would be entirely redundant.)

Flush the evidence and your cellphone down the toilet.

Flee for your life...

I always want the spy movie to start with somebody completely trashing everything only to realize it is the pizza delivery guy at the door.

#StopMeNow

Is it just me, or does Alina Habba look like a Muppet to everyone?
#Trump #Habba #StopMeNow

#Trump #Engoron #StopMeNow

It had to be done.

@FreakyFwoof

I made a meme for that.

#Twitter #StopMeNow

#Twitter #StopMeNow

The last ISP I did engineering for called this sort of outage "headwinds" when they filed for bankruptcy.

Just saying...

Somebody had to do it...
#Trump #StopMeNow

@bruffjeffrey

Is the soundtrack of your life played on drum machine and bad synthesizer?

Are you concerned that Elon Musk would sue for trademark infringement?

Do you never remove your shoes no matter what?

Is it invariable too hot in here?

Is there an excessive amount spandex and cotton candy-like blown out hair?

Do you suspect that the neighbors are always watching?

Does everyone speak in cliches?

Do mundane activities seem to take an excessively long time to happen?

"If to go from A to B, the characters take longer than you would like, then the film you are seeing is pornographic."[1]

Do you feel that you may have become resistant to all antibiotics?

Does it seem like everyone around you is just going through the motions?

Is everyone, not just Donald Trump, preternaturally orange?

If you answer yes to any or all of these questions you may be indeed be stuck in an an old bad porn movie.

#StopMeNow

[1]Umberto Eco from "How To Travel With A Salmon and Other Essays."

@drakakis
🏒🦫
Wow, I didn't know Canadian had emoticons.

Granted, I am not fluent in Canadian having only taken a brief online seminar in the language--I still confuse "aye" and "eh," and have a great deal of trouble with "init."

Canadian usage is bafflingly complex and nuanced.

Emoticons only further complicate an already enigmatic and inexplicably puzzling language.

#StopMeNow #Canada

Obviously since Elmo wrung the neck of the Bluebird of Crappiness we can no longer call posts on X "Tweets."

To post on X is to Xcrete.

Collectively the content of X may be referred to as Xcrement.

Any discussion on X is from this day forward an Xcretion, no doubt authored by Xtremeists and Xenophobes.

By persistently using X-branded rhetoric to refer to X we may be able to increase the Xodus from X.

That of course would be Xcellent.

#StopMeNow #X #Twitter #ElonMusk

@cyborus

I'm worried about Tucker. I think you should be worried, too.

I'm not saying Tucker is an amoral and unethical git taking advantage of the justifiably discontented fleas on the right who believe they should have grown up to be billionaire dogs by now.

Some people might say disparaging things about him and ask pointed questions about his dishonesty, misogyny, incivility and utter lack of humility, but I'm just asking whether or not anyone would be foolish enough to give him the time of day, no less air time?

Is there really a sucker born every minute?

Are they all thirsty for more weird cackling and trolling?

I'm gravely concerned about the man's mental health. He has moved to Florida. By now we should all know what that does to people.

Old con men never die, they just find another lie.

#StopMeNow

@FrazzledBrynn

The appropriate answer to the question is of course, "This and that. Official Secrets Act and so on. Can't really discuss it without engaging the cleaners. Rather a bother. What do you do to remain living?"

#StopMeNow

#tuckercarlson

So long and thanks for all the fish sticks.

But will he be replace with something worse? I'm concerned and you should be concerned, too.

What if this means Fox is woke? It could be the end of the Q-niverse as we know it. I'm worried. Aren't you worried?

What if something hideous crawls out of the primordial ooze? There are lots of hideous creatures in Fox's cesspool. So hideous they keep them secret from the viewers. What if he is replaced by a Man like Florida Man or Slender Man? What then?

What-about what the monster will do with all of that unsupervised free time? I'm frightened by the prospect and you should be, too.

#StopMeNow

Instant warm cookies.

A secret master chef's recipe...

1 box of grocery store bakery cookies.

1 microwave oven.

Nuke for 20 seconds or so.

⚠️Warning⚠️
Raisins may become searing pieces of molten lava in the microwave.

⚠️Contúirt⚠️
Is féidir le rísíní a bheith ina laibhe leáite sa mhicreathonn.

⚠️Cunnart⚠️
Faodaidh reasanan a bhith nan labha leaghte anns a’ mhicrowave.

⚠️Perygl⚠️
Gall rhesins ddod yn lafa tawdd yn y microdon.

[Brexit UK only safety warning. No foreign EU languages.]

#StopMeNow

@FamousBL3
It isn't that they don't think that evil won't attack them.

There is a significant difference between thinking and reporting.

They also might be hoping the photographer gets a good shot and some B-roll of the attack.

You gotta go to Hell to interview the Devil and their sources are most likely still in league.

[Disclosure: I spent almost 20 years working with journalists.]

#StopMeNow