#lifeinstartrek — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #lifeinstartrek, aggregated by home.social.
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"Are you a good admiral or a bad admiral?"
"Is there a difference?" -
"Are you a good admiral or a bad admiral?"
"Is there a difference?" -
"No one really likes holodeck cleaning duty, except Jenkins."
"What's wrong with him?"
"This isn't the weirdest thing he likes either."
"How did he even make it into the Academy, let alone graduate?"
"His father, Admiral Jenkins."
"The good one? Or the evil one?" -
"Dear! Our precious little angel has been promoted! He's now part of the security team that accompanies the captain on all away missions!"
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"What do they call themselves?"
"Yautja"
"They seem aggressive"
"Klingons are polite around them." -
"What is it? A space anomaly? Its radiation turned the away team into zombies? Yeah. No. I'm out. I'll be in the escape pod. You guys figure it out."
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"What's his deal? He seems overtly aggressive for a Klingon. He's tried to kill 5 crew members over being looked the wrong way."
"Oh, he was raised by a Yautja clan and survived to adulthood." -
“No one, absolutely no one enjoyed Holodeck cleanup duty, except Jenkins. But Jenkins was creepier and weirder than Lt Barkley.”
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"I am exhausted beyond comprehension. These ridgeheads are so annoying. I wish we could just nuke them, like in the old days."
"Captain?"
"I said what I said." -
How many Kardassians does it take to change a lightbulb?
"That's Bajoran work."
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Turns out the new Ferengi commander’s “team-building exercise” is a fully functional casino on the holodeck. Half the crew’s replicator rations are now tied up in poker debts, and morale’s never been higher or lower depending on who you ask.
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I don’t know how I feel about this. The newly-minted admiral promised not to turn evil and then laughed maniacally. Let’s hope this one doesn’t try to merge with a pan-dimensional entity to become Galactic Emperor.
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An ensign just got back from a week on Risa. He's pregnant. And has six different STDs. Medbay had to invent three new antibiotics and one new pronoun. Doc says he’s “medically fascinating.” The rest of us say, “never booking shore leave with him again.”
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"You insufferable ridgeheads!"
"Captain?"
"You heard me! I am so sick and tired of everything your idiotic race does has to be tied to honor. It's exhausting!" -
“Yes, Captain. Another temporal loop. I know. Yes, the seventh one this month. We’re on cycle 78 of this specific loop. All we’ve tried fails. Yes, I agree. Q must be behind it. No, I don’t know why I am the only who remembers, but as you said, probably Q being funny.”
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Engineering Log, Supplemental: In an ironic ironical irony of events, we found what remains of Mister Jeffreys plastered all over the Jeffrey’s Tubes.
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The new ensign, fresh from the Academy, is half Betazed, half Klingon. The captain is making allowances, but he’s already sent a few people to sick bay because of what they thought. The ship’s counselor has her hands full.
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The new first contact species has never seen the sky or has a concept of outer space. Our appearance has caused a complete meltdown of their society. Barely escaped with our skins.
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"I don't even know why anyone does the safety briefing. You're a red shirt. Need I say more?"
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The first contact mission went well, until the away team returned. The new species are empaths … that feed off the emotions of others. Literal emotional vampires.
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We just encountered a lost Klingon colony. These guys make modern-day Klingons look like RenFen LARPins soft boys. We lost a security guard because he looked at an official "with dishonor."
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The new First Contact species? Bio-engineered androids that genocided their progenitors. They want diplomatic recognition and our warp technology. What could possibly go wrong?
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"Captain? Did you by any chance cancelled all sexual content from the holodeck?"
"Yes. Such behavior is beneath the standards Starfleet holds dear."
"Ever heard of 'Mutiny on the Bounty' by any chance?" -
The next person who says they envy my job in the ambassadorial corp can take my job. We are having to douse ourselves in Altarian Pig Sweat Essence before we come to the table because the new first contact species finds human smell nauseous and toxic.
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Well, the giant glowing space ravioli is back, and this time it brought friends. Shields are useless, science is baffled, and command thinks maybe we should try "talking" to it. I just fixed the replicator, and now we’re getting digested.
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“I don’t care what they call themselves. They’re space vampires. I’ll be in my quarters, phaser set on vaporize.”
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"Another day, another crisis. A newly discovered species has just informed us they find Klingons... delectable. Yep, you heard that right. Now we’ve got an entire diplomatic negotiation to stop them from putting the Ambassador on the menu. Someone, please, just pass me the synthale."
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So apparently the alien virus is not what we thought it was. Instead of transforming us into mindless zombies, it’s… turning us into plants? Yeah, that’s right. Now I have to deal with a crew of walking ferns and cactus hybrids. Can’t wait for the next emergency.
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Engineering Log: Again with the temporal loop. This is the fifth time this month. It’s getting so bad, we’re all starting to recognize the pattern. I’ll just be here, fixing the same systems, dealing with the same malfunctioning replicators, over… and over… and over again.
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“Wait. Wait. We got another artificial sentience trying to take over the ship’s computer? Yeah. No. I’ll be in the shuttle. You guys deal with it. This is the third artificial sentience in as many months.”
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"I am NOT going to clean up Holodeck 5. I know what awaits there. I'd be easier if we just expose the room to vacuum and then send a bot to clean up the dried crusts off the floor, ceiling and walls."