#grieftips — Public Fediverse posts

#MondayMourning: Stages of Grief - Expectations vs Reality

Most of us are aware of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's DABDA grief model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and take it to mean "the stages of grief."

However... the stages are a collection of anecdotal experiences from dying people, NOT the people grieving!

Kubler-Ross studied over 200 terminally ill patients, but amassed a collection of case studies rather than empirical evidence or systematic investigation. Newer studies don't really support her findings.

Still, we steadfastly cling to the prescribed grief journey and compare our own experiences to that example of normality. We crave direction and validation in times of emotional upheaval, and following a guideline gives us a lifeline. Otherwise, how do we know if we're grieving "right?"

In reality, the grief journey doesn't make linear stops. It's a mishmash of conflicting emotions, like a rollercoaster that sometimes goes forward, sometimes goes backward, and sometimes falls off the rails completely. Judging your experience by the metrics of societal expectations will lead you to believe that you're failing at grieving properly. Don't do that.

Instead, get to know the variety of emotions that may pass through you while you navigate your loss. Accept them as normal and valid, then let them go. If any particular feeling becomes overwhelming and you're unable to cope, you're allowed to ask for guidance, counseling, support groups etc.

No one's grief will be the same as yours, so don't compare! Grieve on your own timeline and whatever way suits your needs.

#HisAndHearsePress #Grief #StagesOfGrief #GriefAndLoss #Emotions #Death #MentalHealth #ElisabethKublerRoss #OnDeathAndDying #GriefTips #GriefSupport

On National “Get Over It” Day, you might be tempted to push yourself to get over your grief.

Don’t do that.

Societal expectations pressure us to return to normal ASAP, but it’s not realistic or helpful. Grief is, unfortunately, a journey with no finish line. You don’t get to “end” grief.

Does the death of a loved one continue to impact you for the rest of your life? Yes.

Does it help for you to pretend you’re “better,” ignoring your emotions and refusing further help and support? No.

Are there ways to make life livable again, despite continuing to feel the pain and loss? Yes.

If you’re grieving a loss and someone tells you (or even implies) that you should get over it, assume it’s meant with good intentions (they don’t want to see you suffering). Then take that sentiment and drop it in the trash. It’s not a healthy mindset.

Continue to grieve. Learn to live beside your loss.

#HisAndHearsePress #NationalGetOverItDay #GetOverIt #Death #Loss #Grief #GriefAndLoss #GriefSupport #GriefTips #BadAdvice