:neuro: Pixy's Journey :nonbinary_heart:

#Journal of an exhausted Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Sunday, 04/10/2026).

Well, I managed to sleep for several hours. But they were a tad restless, due to the events from the previous day. And my muscles were sore, probably due to the same reason… When I woke up a little before 1am, I quickly got up. I let Koa out, and he quickly did his things while I was preparing his meal. This wasn’t too usual for him, but with all the disturbances of our routine, and with all the stuff from Saturday, I guess Koa was also affected by it. While he was eating, I cleaned up the garden. I took my meds and when Koa was ready, we headed to the couch.

I got my laptop out and started writing my reply email to my sweet friend. I was a bit thrown off, as we’d gotten up a bit later than usual, and I felt like I was “running late”. I wasn't able to finish the email before Koa let me know that he was eager to head out for some walkies. So, I did what any good servant would do: I got dressed and took the dude for a walk. I felt so exhausted, so drained... Even though I had managed to get some hours of sleep in, they weren't the best and I didn't feel rested enough when it had been time to get up again. I struggled a bit with the walk, and I hoped there would not be any hares for Koa to try to chase.

We got back home again. I finished my email and then I fixed and ate my brekkie. I had already made a Silent Sunday blog post, so I could try to focus on my journal Toot. I started it... But I struggled with it. I had written about what happened on Saturday in a Toot on Saturday late afternoon. And I had written about it to my dear friend. I still felt triggered by it, which made me hesitant to write about it again now. So... I tried to distract myself with some other things. I re-watched more of the Mentalist. I played a bit with the eraser AI tool of my Samsung phone, to try and edit out some clutter from my Roxette vinyl records. I used Gemini to help me write descriptions for several pictures. And... I finally managed to catch up with most of my notifications on Mastodon. I still have loads to read from my friend's walls. I really miss checking up on some of them, as I do enjoy their toots... The stories about their pets, about their gaming, about their lives... Like how I share my journal Toots and such, I also enjoy the bits some/most of my Friendos share.

I've barely been able to keep up with my own writings, due to the hand surgery, and all the other (health) challenges of the last few weeks/months. But now that I'm able to type a bit faster, and experience less pain and discomfort while doing so, I have some more time and energy to finally start keeping up with my notifications. And then, hopefully, with my Friendos' Toots! It was nice to read their replies to my Toots, and being able to write them some proper replies as well.

My brain kept going on with thoughts 💭 like "I should use the treadmill" and "maybe I should practice with Koa and his crate, and head upstairs to ride the bike a bit". But... I already struggled to go out for walks with the dude, so while I had the poativive attitude in my mind, I just lacked the energy to get motivated enough to actually do any of these things. Which made me feel a tad bläh, as I really miss being able to work out some. 😔

Suddenly I remembered that Skoosh had given me "low 🪫 battery" warnings for her key-fob. I had never replaced one myself, but yay for the internet. I quickly found a decent little video. When I wanted to start replacing the battery, Koa came to me, pressuring me to take him for walkies first. So, we went out and he did his things. When we got back, I went upstairs to get a new battery. I followed the video and was able to finish the job. As I've not used/needed Skoosh yet, I don't know if I've been successful. But, I followed the instructions, so hopefully Skoosh will do her thing again now without the key battery warnings.

I fixed Koa's meal, and shortly after that, I made myself some food too. I still had all these ideas of things I could be doing, but I felt so drained and weak. I hate feeling like that, but there's not much to do about it. I relaxed for a while, and then Koa and I went for a walk. We walked a bit further, and if I'd been able, I'm sure Koa would have wanted to go on longer than that... 😊 So, when we got back, I took Koa into the garden for a bit of playtime. First I took the old paper and card board to the shed. Koa took something in his mouth that I, fortunately, was able to get out again. He found a smaller piece of the glasses lens that had broken on Saturday. I put it away and then Koa and I played with his balls ⚽ for a while. When I was getting dizzy from going round through the garden, I sat down a bit. I had been bothered by my windows for a while now, they needed a bit of cleaning...

But, I'm definitely not good when it comes to cleaning, especially the windows. Still, I tried to do a "quick rinse" of three outside windows. There were stripes and I hadn't been able to reach them all the way due to not wanting to climb on anything. But... They seemed a tad cleaner, so I was OK enough with my efforts for this morning. I got to the couch and managed a bit of relaxing. I was really bummed that I couldn't find the energy to get some exercise in. I know it can help me feel better, but I do need that bit of positive energy to get me going. And I was really lacking energy of all sorts today... 😔

Koa and I went on another walk and we relaxed some more. Then we went into the garden again for a little while. I gathered his Lickin' puzzle, kibble and meat, and I filled the compartments for Koa to enjoy. While he was eating, I was preparing some things for bedtime already. I was tired and sore... I needed to relax on my bed for a while with my tablet. Koa enjoyed a nice snack while I watched an episode of the Mentalist. We went outside again, and after a while, we did get ready for bed. Koa was snoozing while I hoped to fall asleep while reading.

I dozed off for a bit, woke up again for the loo, cared for Koa, and then managed a few hours of sleep again. When I woke up, it was about an hour before our usual time. But I was awake and all, so we got up and started our "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of an exhausted and disappointed Dutch AuDHD Pixy :pixy_party: (Saturday, 03/10/2026).

The “day” started with our usual routine. I had gotten some sleep, but unfortunately, I still felt rather tired when it was time to get up. Koa and I did our usual things, food, meds, potty, and couch time. I was distracted with some things, so I was a bit later when I started writing my email reply to my friend. Only, there was no new email to reply to, which left me a bit worried, as that was not my friend’s usual style. But I had written most of my message when Koa was getting ready for walkies. I quickly finished my email, got out of my PJ’s, and then I took Koa for his walkies.

When we got back, I fixed my brekkie and enjoyed it. I got back to my laptop and I finished writing my Thursday’s journal toot, as I had not been able to finish it the previous day. I shared the journal and then started writing Friday’s post. When I had finished and shared that one as well, it was time to walk with the dude again. I tried to relax for a little while, until it was time to fix the dude’s meal. It was going to be a busy and long day, so I could use the rest in between the activities.

I fixed myself some food and ate it, before it was time to take Koa for another walk. My parents would be bringing Sir Barks-A-Lot™ this morning, as they had an outing. They hadn't really asked me if I were up for it, if I had energy and strength to take care of both Bas and Koa. They had just asked what time they could bring him... When I told mum that I still struggled a bit with walking just Koa, and that Koa was really dealing with his puberty, there wasn't a real decent response. I had told her that I could do several hours, but not the whole day. She then told me that they would not be back too late, as several hours would be enough for them. As I was never really asked if I were OK with it, and my comments didn't seem to matter too much, I just went along. Thinking that mum had been helping me after my surgeries and all...

Mum brought Bas and she and dad were off. The dogs immediately started behaving in a way that was not what I was OK with. Koa, being a big adolescent dude, wanting to play all the time. Bas, an 8 year old senior Dachshund, not interested in playing (and we had to be careful with Koa's enthusiasm/big paws and Bas his back). Koa was unable to relax, and every time he almost relaxed, Bas decided to make some noise, or walk towards Koa and stop near him...

I tried using the crate and the same thing happened. Koa would finally settle down, and then Bas would start barking again because he saw something move somewhere. It was driving me nuts... 😢 I wanted to walk with them separately, but they would not let me. I put Bas on Koa's baby leash, as that was the only one I could handle with my right hand, while dealing with Koa in my left. I had to correct Koa several times, as he was bullying Bas. Bas was not used to walking on a short leash, and on the right hand side, so yeah... We walked a nice little round and I was sweaty and panting 🥵 when we got back. I was hoping the boys would be able to relax now. But Koa still struggled to relax, and every time he did, Bas was making noises again. 😭

Around noon, I walked a short bit with the boys, as I could not handle more. I texted mum with some updates, letting her know that it was rather hard on me, that I was hoping they'd be in their way to pick up Bas soon again. Of course, there came no response. I texted some more updates, and no response again... I was slowly losing it, getting angry with Koa for not being able to relax. Getting pissed with Bas because he kept triggering Koa as soon as Koa did try to relax. Then, finally, mum texted they were on their way to us. Still 45 minutes to go, and it was already past 15, so Bas had been with me for over 7 hours already (which, to me, is a lot more than "it's just a few hours").

I prepared everything so mum could pick up Bas easily. But, for reasons unknown to mankind, my dad decided to come into the garden as well. And then shit went crazy, things went wrong, I got blamed (if only he'd just stayed in the car! 😡 It's not like he's helpful in any way...), I defended myself, I got scolded, I yelled back in anger because I was in pain, I was exhausted, and I hated it that I asked them to not take too long, because I wasn't up for it yet... And they left Bas with me for 8 hours! They complained when they had Koa for an hour, and that was without any feeding and walking. But I should not be such a whining person because they'd told me it would be several hours. They both know I need times, I need a schedule, and I asked for them to not stay away too long... Mum never replied to my messages until they were on their way. "Not too late in the afternoon" is definitely way before 16... But yeah, I was in a meltdown because, once again, I was being treated like a nuisance because I had asked them to respect my boundaries and wishes. And I just had enough! It's just such a fucked up thing to first demand help, and then want it their way, and not the way I was able to provide it. Because I was being unreasonable....... I exploded, and dad stormed off saying I would never see Bas again! At that moment, I had a very cruel thought, where I wished to never see him again because I am so done with him... And to be honest, I really don't need to see him anytime soon. I've been gaslighted, bullied, mistreated, and disrespected too many times now by this narcissist...

It took me some time to be able to calm down. I was angry, disappointed, in pain, and terribly sad and drained... I tried to write about it, to clear my head, to vent and rant.. 😭 I tried to relax with a favorite series in my tablet. Koa had given me all the hugs and sloppy kisses, until he finally collapsed, exhausted from this day... How I wanted to do the same. When I was done writing, I put away my phone and tablet. I got my Kobo and then managed to doze off while reading.

I woke up once for the loo. Koa moved a bit but then settled down again I went back to bed, and was able to sleep some more. When I woke up again, it was close to 1am. So I quickly got up and let Koa out. Because it was a bit late, I opened the kitchen door. I think Koa was grateful for it, as he went potty before I had been able to finish prepping his meal. But we were up, and we started our routine and "day".

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" :bear_love: I really appreciate it :bear_hugs: as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! :bear_nuzzle:

:pixy_party: 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani