That's the main reason why I don't promote #selfHosting on the friends & family level. There are so many dysfunctional families, abusive behaviour, even #domesticViolence…
I very much prefer self-hosting on the level of larger communities with more social control and a better #lorryFactor, e.g. a #cooperative or a #club.
Ideally, use federated technology, so people could move to other providers, without losing their contacts. #Fediverse and #Jabber ftw.