#genderquest — Public Fediverse posts

#GenderQuest continues!

My therapist knows me well after 2 or 3 years, and has an adult daughter who is trans.

So he seemed eminently qualified for me to ask for thoughts on things to look for in gender-affirmation as I test feminine aspect for possibly feeling right, even euphoria, within the limits of my #MECFS life.

One I hadn't thought of is jewelry. Jalan has pierced ears, but there were several years when her piercings had closed over, so she has both clip-on earrings and other items like necklaces I could borrow :D

I love my life.

#GenderQuest continues!

My therapist knows me well after 2 or 3 years, and has an adult daughter who is trans.

So he seemed eminently qualified for me to ask for thoughts on things to look for in gender-affirmation as I test feminine aspect for possibly feeling right, even euphoria, within the limits of my #MECFS life.

One I hadn't thought of is jewelry. Jalan has pierced ears, but there were several years when her piercings had closed over, so she has both clip-on earrings and other items like necklaces I could borrow :D

I love my life.

Whatever else happens in a week or a day, there's the next thing to a guarantee of me being bound on Sundays -- we literally call it "Sunday bondage time."

Yesterday, I wanted strenuous (within the limits of #MECFS

Spandex straitjacket (a high-necked leotard with modified sleeves) is one of our go-tos -- pretty easy to put on, I can shift my joints, etc.

So yesterday's version was passing my arms behind my back instead. Bear in mind I'm old and broad of shoulder and chest. Then she added a strap at the wrists behind my back, holding them parallel to each other, perpendicular to my spine. Lying on them on my back, they were utterly immobilized.

Legs strapped tightly together, blindfold, and white noise piped into earbuds.

A condom on underneath all that per #GenderQuest https://toot.cat/@naga/116517581705904254 so that Jalan could exercise her own choices.

Bliss. She loves me . . .

Hashtags follow;

#kink #BDSM #FemDom #FLR #bondage #OrgasmControl #OrgasmDenial

Whatever else happens in a week or a day, there's the next thing to a guarantee of me being bound on Sundays -- we literally call it "Sunday bondage time."

Yesterday, I wanted strenuous (within the limits of #MECFS

Spandex straitjacket (a high-necked leotard with modified sleeves) is one of our go-tos -- pretty easy to put on, I can shift my joints, etc.

So yesterday's version was passing my arms behind my back instead. Bear in mind I'm old and broad of shoulder and chest. Then she added a strap at the wrists behind my back, holding them parallel to each other, perpendicular to my spine. Lying on them on my back, they were utterly immobilized.

Legs strapped tightly together, blindfold, and white noise piped into earbuds.

A condom on underneath all that per #GenderQuest https://toot.cat/@naga/116517581705904254 so that Jalan could exercise her own choices.

Bliss. She loves me . . .

Hashtags follow;

#kink #BDSM #FemDom #FLR #bondage #OrgasmControl #OrgasmDenial

The order of condoms arrived last Monday, but as of Tuesday evening hadn't come in / been unpacked.

The biggest downside I've been concerned about using condoms for potential gender affirmation is I really like sloppy lubes -- oils, silicone, etc. -- especially when masturbating.

I'm seldom permitted to orgasm, and less often to masturbate (and use up a lot of Obedience app points when I do), and even asking to masturbate is only allowed on certain days of the week. Wednesdays and Thursdays are not among them.

So Tuesday night was basically last chance to get sloppy, at least for months during #GenderQuest, and I asked. Jalan gave permission! It felt good . . .

I asked again Friday, to see how it felt with a condom since that was now in place, and got permission again! Still felt good 😀 .

And I really don't know how long it's been since I was allowed to masturbate twice in a four-day span. Definitely several years, maybe closer to a decade. Woo!

Hashtags follow:
#kink #BDSM #FemDom #FLR #chastity #OrgasmControl #OrgasmDenial

The order of condoms arrived last Monday, but as of Tuesday evening hadn't come in / been unpacked.

The biggest downside I've been concerned about using condoms for potential gender affirmation is I really like sloppy lubes -- oils, silicone, etc. -- especially when masturbating.

I'm seldom permitted to orgasm, and less often to masturbate (and use up a lot of Obedience app points when I do), and even asking to masturbate is only allowed on certain days of the week. Wednesdays and Thursdays are not among them.

So Tuesday night was basically last chance to get sloppy, at least for months during #GenderQuest, and I asked. Jalan gave permission! It felt good . . .

I asked again Friday, to see how it felt with a condom since that was now in place, and got permission again! Still felt good 😀 .

And I really don't know how long it's been since I was allowed to masturbate twice in a four-day span. Definitely several years, maybe closer to a decade. Woo!

Hashtags follow:
#kink #BDSM #FemDom #FLR #chastity #OrgasmControl #OrgasmDenial

As of 5-May-26, #GenderQuest is a set of threads related to my movement from cis man to demiman to considering being less man and possibly more woman than I'd thought before.

I'm pinning this with links to each of the thread starters, to edit as things progress.

Initial wondering (18-Feb-26): https://toot.cat/@naga/116091924889943010

Grief about GenderQuest and chronic illness (13-Mar-26): https://toot.cat/@naga/116223633843084229

Exploring potential womanhood (4-May-26): https://toot.cat/@naga/116517547558595303

Another limiting factor on #GenderQuest experimentation is that I just can't do much of any personal maintenance myself due to health.

I can't shave my beard (or my chest!) because there's no way either Jalan or I could maintain it.

I can start letting my hair grow, but Jalan forgot we'd just talked about this and gave me a buzz Saturday when I'd thought we were just trimming my beard.

And the beard certainly affects what I can do in the way of make-up.

But these are some ideas.

(3/3)

One other thing I've wondered about has to do with genitals and sexuality.

I don't like the looks of any genitals very much, but there's no dysphoria there.

I have a powerful kink for orgasm control, and I do not want to entangle these two things. My gender, whatever it turns out to be, isn't a kink and I want to keep that motivation out of it.

Enjoying touch isn't gendered, orgasm isn't particularly gendered, and to keep the kink out I don't want to entangle this with those.

What I'm looking at modifying in part is ejaculation -- as the "spray" is very much associated with a bio-dick.

So the idea is to go without the spray -- with Jalan's cooperation, wearing condoms every time there's a chance I'll have an orgasm. So I can still enjoy the touch, still enjoy the orgasm, but change the most male-coded expression of it.

This also lets Jalan control the sensual touch and my orgasms and chastity independently of the condom experiment.

I don't know that this will affect my experience of my gender, and I don't even really expect it to. But it's a thing I can try and it's easy and affordable.

Even though it's my idea, I am asking Jalan to use her D/s authority to not let me back off from it until and unless she judges it's been solidly tried and doesn't seem to alter anything for me.

(2/?)

#GenderQuest

Following up on my #GenderQuest threads (here https://toot.cat/@naga/116091924889943010 and here https://toot.cat/@naga/116223633843084229 )

Most recently, I shifted my identity label to demimale.

I've been looking at whether I might be less male / possibly more female than I'd been considering.

I do get some kind of euphoria from skirts in a couple specific styles, as well as just a general enjoyment of dressing femme. I also enjoy lip stain and nail polish, but I can't apply those myself (hand tremor).

So I've been brainstorming with Jalan's help what I can experiment with to see if it brings euphoria, with the caveat of being mostly bedbound and not having much spare money.

So I'm thinking of what I can try with low investment of money and physical energy. Before I test bigger-social-investment things like how I respond to pronouns other than he/him.

One is more clothing options. I'd like to try a dress--that would be new. Maybe another skirt or two in the style like I one I love.

Before that, though, I'll probably want to get some level of shaping. I can't wear anything that could interfere with movement, make me overheat, or impede using a plastic urinal.

I also need to allow for having a broad, hairy chest.

So I'm looking at the next purchase being some sponge breast forms and a full-coverage zip-front bra (a behind-the-back clasp is out of the question). I have a few blouses that look fine on a flat chest, but I want to see if having some curves under them feels good.

And I'd want to test that before picking a dress style or two to try, because whether I have chest curves under them might affect selection.

(1/?)