#genderquest — Public Fediverse posts

Randomly, my nipples also feel weirdly visible to me today, not being surrounded by thick hair (they are quite small, even for androgen puberty).

#GenderQuest

Randomly, my nipples also feel weirdly visible to me today, not being surrounded by thick hair (they are quite small, even for androgen puberty).

#GenderQuest

TL;DR: I've had to let my facial hair grow in (bad), but we've started addressing body hair (great)..

Almost two weeks ago, I was in a fit about a low-cut top and my thick chest hair and people coming over (helpers from our church -- they come once a week, bless'em).

Ultimately, I ruined the head on my rotary shaver.

That wasn't the big problem--I asked one of the helpers to bring me a t-shirt.

But now I have a (short) beard again. I've been avoiding looking at it, but also avoiding doing anything to feel femme and pretty because of dissonance.

I'm not hugely distraught about it, but my femininity projects (not my transition) have been on hold.

The new shaver head arrived yesterday. We haven't had a chance to use it yet, because Jalan needs to take the trimmer to my face first.

But

Yesterday when getting ready for my shower, she took the trimmer to my chest hair, then when showering me, used a razor to give a close shave my chest and my pits.

My chest hair has been shaved off once or twice for medical procedures, but my underarms have been full of hair for 40-some years.

It feels amazing. I'm downright giddy!

Hashtags follow:

#GenderQuest #TransWoman #TransFemme #GenderDysphoria #GenderEuphoria #TransJoy

TL;DR: I've had to let my facial hair grow in (bad), but we've started addressing body hair (great)..

Almost two weeks ago, I was in a fit about a low-cut top and my thick chest hair and people coming over (helpers from our church -- they come once a week, bless'em).

Ultimately, I ruined the head on my rotary shaver.

That wasn't the big problem--I asked one of the helpers to bring me a t-shirt.

But now I have a (short) beard again. I've been avoiding looking at it, but also avoiding doing anything to feel femme and pretty because of dissonance.

I'm not hugely distraught about it, but my femininity projects (not my transition) have been on hold.

The new shaver head arrived yesterday. We haven't had a chance to use it yet, because Jalan needs to take the trimmer to my face first.

But

Yesterday when getting ready for my shower, she took the trimmer to my chest hair, then when showering me, used a razor to give a close shave my chest and my pits.

My chest hair has been shaved off once or twice for medical procedures, but my underarms have been full of hair for 40-some years.

It feels amazing. I'm downright giddy!

Hashtags follow:

#GenderQuest #TransWoman #TransFemme #GenderDysphoria #GenderEuphoria #TransJoy

On facial hair, among the reasons I've worn a bearded almost all my adult life is my skin is very, very fair.

Even when I shaved with a multi-blade disposable, going against the grain to get as close as possible, I'd have 5:00 shadow by 11:00 am, because my red/brown whiskers would start to show up through the near-translucent surface layers of my skin.

So far, at least, the dysphoric element of stubble is more about the feel than the appearance. If I still existed in public, it might be different.

#GenderQuest

On facial hair, among the reasons I've worn a bearded almost all my adult life is my skin is very, very fair.

Even when I shaved with a multi-blade disposable, going against the grain to get as close as possible, I'd have 5:00 shadow by 11:00 am, because my red/brown whiskers would start to show up through the near-translucent surface layers of my skin.

So far, at least, the dysphoric element of stubble is more about the feel than the appearance. If I still existed in public, it might be different.

#GenderQuest

Another unpleasant discovery yesterday. Wearing a femme top that is cut low enough to show my (rather thick) chest hair bothers me a lot more now than it did before I fully moved into my transition.

Ugh.

At least chest hair won't grow back particularly quickly between shaves.

#GenderQuest

Another unpleasant discovery yesterday. Wearing a femme top that is cut low enough to show my (rather thick) chest hair bothers me a lot more now than it did before I fully moved into my transition.

Ugh.

At least chest hair won't grow back particularly quickly between shaves.

#GenderQuest

One thing last night's dream prompted, but I was deliberately vague https://toot.cat/@naga/116845426632892190

I have a history of anorexia.

My transition probably increases my vulnerability to a relapse.

I'll need to keep an eye on that.

Fortunately, Jalan will keep an eye on me, too.

#GenderQuest

One thing last night's dream prompted, but I was deliberately vague https://toot.cat/@naga/116845426632892190

I have a history of anorexia.

My transition probably increases my vulnerability to a relapse.

I'll need to keep an eye on that.

Fortunately, Jalan will keep an eye on me, too.

#GenderQuest

One thing last night's dream prompted, but I was deliberately vague https://toot.cat/@naga/116845426632892190

I have a history of anorexia.

My transition probably increases my vulnerability to a relapse.

I'll need to keep an eye on that.

Fortunately, Jalan will keep an eye on me, too.

#GenderQuest

One thing last night's dream prompted, but I was deliberately vague https://toot.cat/@naga/116845426632892190

I have a history of anorexia.

My transition probably increases my vulnerability to a relapse.

I'll need to keep an eye on that.

Fortunately, Jalan will keep an eye on me, too.

#GenderQuest

One thing last night's dream prompted, but I was deliberately vague https://toot.cat/@naga/116845426632892190

I have a history of anorexia.

My transition probably increases my vulnerability to a relapse.

I'll need to keep an eye on that.

Fortunately, Jalan will keep an eye on me, too.

#GenderQuest

So my beard that I've had almost all of the time since 1989 started bugging me as a source of dysphoria (not yet identified) a few years ago, and got to be more of a conscious issue during #GenderQuest that started this year. I hadn't shaved because it adds a maintenance task made challenging by severe #MECFS and a moderate intention tremor.

Jalan shaved it off for me last week, and it's great. I can mostly maintain it with the flexible-head rotary shaver we got for my scalp a while back.

Clean-shaven isn't really specifically#TransJoy for me, but it's removing a source of dysphoria, so definitely a net positive.

Then I found out that if I now miss a day shaving, that degree of stubble is far, far worse for gender-feels than having a beard ever was.

Learning as I go, of course, like everyone.

So my beard that I've had almost all of the time since 1989 started bugging me as a source of dysphoria (not yet identified) a few years ago, and got to be more of a conscious issue during #GenderQuest that started this year. I hadn't shaved because it adds a maintenance task made challenging by severe #MECFS and a moderate intention tremor.

Jalan shaved it off for me last week, and it's great. I can mostly maintain it with the flexible-head rotary shaver we got for my scalp a while back.

Clean-shaven isn't really specifically#TransJoy for me, but it's removing a source of dysphoria, so definitely a net positive.

Then I found out that if I now miss a day shaving, that degree of stubble is far, far worse for gender-feels than having a beard ever was.

Learning as I go, of course, like everyone.

So my beard that I've had almost all of the time since 1989 started bugging me as a source of dysphoria (not yet identified) a few years ago, and got to be more of a conscious issue during #GenderQuest that started this year. I hadn't shaved because it adds a maintenance task made challenging by severe #MECFS and a moderate intention tremor.

Jalan shaved it off for me last week, and it's great. I can mostly maintain it with the flexible-head rotary shaver we got for my scalp a while back.

Clean-shaven isn't really specifically#TransJoy for me, but it's removing a source of dysphoria, so definitely a net positive.

Then I found out that if I now miss a day shaving, that degree of stubble is far, far worse for gender-feels than having a beard ever was.

Learning as I go, of course, like everyone.

So my beard that I've had almost all of the time since 1989 started bugging me as a source of dysphoria (not yet identified) a few years ago, and got to be more of a conscious issue during #GenderQuest that started this year. I hadn't shaved because it adds a maintenance task made challenging by severe #MECFS and a moderate intention tremor.

Jalan shaved it off for me last week, and it's great. I can mostly maintain it with the flexible-head rotary shaver we got for my scalp a while back.

Clean-shaven isn't really specifically#TransJoy for me, but it's removing a source of dysphoria, so definitely a net positive.

Then I found out that if I now miss a day shaving, that degree of stubble is far, far worse for gender-feels than having a beard ever was.

Learning as I go, of course, like everyone.

So my beard that I've had almost all of the time since 1989 started bugging me as a source of dysphoria (not yet identified) a few years ago, and got to be more of a conscious issue during #GenderQuest that started this year. I hadn't shaved because it adds a maintenance task made challenging by severe #MECFS and a moderate intention tremor.

Jalan shaved it off for me last week, and it's great. I can mostly maintain it with the flexible-head rotary shaver we got for my scalp a while back.

Clean-shaven isn't really specifically#TransJoy for me, but it's removing a source of dysphoria, so definitely a net positive.

Then I found out that if I now miss a day shaving, that degree of stubble is far, far worse for gender-feels than having a beard ever was.

Learning as I go, of course, like everyone.

For now, I'm staying with "Pat," for reasons I've talked about -- androgyny, easy to continue on while I decide if I want to change and to what.

A front-runner now is "Linda," which I'd thought was reasonably contemporary to my birth cohort, but it really isn't -- it peaked two decades earlier (in the US) without even accounting for population growth.

Which is not a problem.

But it also led me to look at popular girls' names for my birth year, and most of them sound very young to me....

Perhaps because they were the names of kids in my elementary years? No clue.

I'm mostly just amused that I was a generation off in my perception. But I've also always tended toward the old-fashioned in my presentation (broadly speaking).

And the one Linda I can think of whom I've known well is an entirely positive association (and is queer), so that helps.

#GenderQuest

For now, I'm staying with "Pat," for reasons I've talked about -- androgyny, easy to continue on while I decide if I want to change and to what.

A front-runner now is "Linda," which I'd thought was reasonably contemporary to my birth cohort, but it really isn't -- it peaked two decades earlier (in the US) without even accounting for population growth.

Which is not a problem.

But it also led me to look at popular girls' names for my birth year, and most of them sound very young to me....

Perhaps because they were the names of kids in my elementary years? No clue.

I'm mostly just amused that I was a generation off in my perception. But I've also always tended toward the old-fashioned in my presentation (broadly speaking).

And the one Linda I can think of whom I've known well is an entirely positive association (and is queer), so that helps.

#GenderQuest

For now, I'm staying with "Pat," for reasons I've talked about -- androgyny, easy to continue on while I decide if I want to change and to what.

A front-runner now is "Linda," which I'd thought was reasonably contemporary to my birth cohort, but it really isn't -- it peaked two decades earlier (in the US) without even accounting for population growth.

Which is not a problem.

But it also led me to look at popular girls' names for my birth year, and most of them sound very young to me....

Perhaps because they were the names of kids in my elementary years? No clue.

I'm mostly just amused that I was a generation off in my perception. But I've also always tended toward the old-fashioned in my presentation (broadly speaking).

And the one Linda I can think of whom I've known well is an entirely positive association (and is queer), so that helps.

#GenderQuest

For now, I'm staying with "Pat," for reasons I've talked about -- androgyny, easy to continue on while I decide if I want to change and to what.

A front-runner now is "Linda," which I'd thought was reasonably contemporary to my birth cohort, but it really isn't -- it peaked two decades earlier (in the US) without even accounting for population growth.

Which is not a problem.

But it also led me to look at popular girls' names for my birth year, and most of them sound very young to me....

Perhaps because they were the names of kids in my elementary years? No clue.

I'm mostly just amused that I was a generation off in my perception. But I've also always tended toward the old-fashioned in my presentation (broadly speaking).

And the one Linda I can think of whom I've known well is an entirely positive association (and is queer), so that helps.

#GenderQuest

Yeah, I'm gonna stay mad about the half-century gap (between dysphoria and transition) for at least a while yet.

I was in Texas, US, at the time, in the 1970s. And raised by Silent-Generation parents who'd grown up on farms. And the way my family showed "affection" was cutting remarks at the dinner table (which, being #ActuallyAutistic, didn't actually translate for me.) 1980s culture, at least in Texas and other places I lived in the South, didn't really improve things much.

So, yeah, it wasn't something I missed. There really was no way I would have seen an option then. And by the time I might have seen this as possible for myself, I'd walled everything off.

I know it's never too late. And I'm good with that, because I'm delighted now, and so glad I pursued learning my gender. But I'm also still mad.

#GenderQuest

Yeah, I'm gonna stay mad about the half-century gap (between dysphoria and transition) for at least a while yet.

I was in Texas, US, at the time, in the 1970s. And raised by Silent-Generation parents who'd grown up on farms. And the way my family showed "affection" was cutting remarks at the dinner table (which, being #ActuallyAutistic, didn't actually translate for me.) 1980s culture, at least in Texas and other places I lived in the South, didn't really improve things much.

So, yeah, it wasn't something I missed. There really was no way I would have seen an option then. And by the time I might have seen this as possible for myself, I'd walled everything off.

I know it's never too late. And I'm good with that, because I'm delighted now, and so glad I pursued learning my gender. But I'm also still mad.

#GenderQuest

Message from Jalan just now:

"So, my wife. Are you coming to bed?"

squee

#GenderQuest #GenderEuphoria

Message from Jalan just now:

"So, my wife. Are you coming to bed?"

squee

#GenderQuest #GenderEuphoria

Message from Jalan just now:

"So, my wife. Are you coming to bed?"

squee

#GenderQuest #GenderEuphoria

Message from Jalan just now:

"So, my wife. Are you coming to bed?"

squee

#GenderQuest #GenderEuphoria

#GenderQuest phase 2 begins.

As part of this process over time, I've been both remembering the past and realizing various current elements of #GenitalDysphoria

Specifically the steps I would take, especially in early adolescence, to suppress erections and ejaculation.

One of the tools I've been using recently is consistently wearing a condom in any scenario that might lead to ejaculation. I still experience the full orgasm, but there's nothing that's particularly visible (also no mess/residue, which figures in).

That's been working better than I expected. It already feels normal, not any kind of chore. And it feels good -- or, more accurately -- ejaculation doesn't detract from what feels good.

Erections are somewhat different. Not just in sexual activity, but tenting and so on. And just overall thinking of how to minimize my conscious awareness of my external genitals.

So I've started shopping for tuck/gaffe briefs. The goal is the "flat front," and to be reasonably resistant to being pushed out with an erection.

My health problems mean any means of addressing this have to be physically quite easy to implement.

Advice or product recommendations welcome from those who've traveled this road! (Or anyone else.)

Tags follow

#Transgender #Transition #TransWoman #GenderDysphoria #CrossDresser #CrossDressing

#GenderQuest phase 2 begins.

As part of this process over time, I've been both remembering the past and realizing various current elements of #GenitalDysphoria

Specifically the steps I would take, especially in early adolescence, to suppress erections and ejaculation.

One of the tools I've been using recently is consistently wearing a condom in any scenario that might lead to ejaculation. I still experience the full orgasm, but there's nothing that's particularly visible (also no mess/residue, which figures in).

That's been working better than I expected. It already feels normal, not any kind of chore. And it feels good -- or, more accurately -- ejaculation doesn't detract from what feels good.

Erections are somewhat different. Not just in sexual activity, but tenting and so on. And just overall thinking of how to minimize my conscious awareness of my external genitals.

So I've started shopping for tuck/gaffe briefs. The goal is the "flat front," and to be reasonably resistant to being pushed out with an erection.

My health problems mean any means of addressing this have to be physically quite easy to implement.

Advice or product recommendations welcome from those who've traveled this road! (Or anyone else.)

Tags follow

#Transgender #Transition #TransWoman #GenderDysphoria #CrossDresser #CrossDressing