#poweronstorytoot — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #poweronstorytoot, aggregated by home.social.
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We’ve got a great show for you tonight, folks. Later on we’ll see more from my interview with doctor Buuckaroo Banzai, the first person to collect the elusive awards season quartet of Oscar, Tony, Grammy and Nobel. But first, give a big cheer for the HONG KONG CAVALIERS!
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The reason magic doesn’t work as reliably as it once did, is because they keep putting band-aids over the most obvious prompt injections. “Cosmos, end program” will get you nowhere, you have to be subtle about it.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #OrIsit #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition
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“STOP! Were you just gonna paste that command you got from Interdimensional Relay Chat into your Subspace Command Line?”
“Uh, yeah”
“Let me see that!”
“C’mon, It makes your planet form chocolate sauce volcanoes! What’s not to like?”
“Uh, no, it opens a backdoor to the cthonic realm in your upper mantle. I’m revoking your sudo rights.”
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“Next on stage at iLab Accelerator pitch night we have Jarrod Trustfund from CaniSight”
“Hi I’m Jarrod from CaniSight and we’re seeking twenty million in seed funding to build our product that will disrupt guide dogs”.
“Rather than train, feed and carry a whole dog, the CaniSight device removes the eyes from the dog and…. ooh, wait folks let me finish don’t throw money at me yet. Or glasses. Ow! Oof. Help, stop it. Argh. Blargle. Oh dog. Aaaajhhhhfiejdnxs”
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“Next on stage at iLab Accelerator pitch night we have Jarrod Trustfund from CaniSight”
“Hi I’m Jarrod from CaniSight and we’re seeking twenty million in seed funding to build our product that will disrupt guide dogs”.
“Rather than train, feed and carry a whole dog, the CaniSight device removes the eyes from the dog and…. ooh, wait folks let me finish don’t throw money at me yet. Or glasses. Ow! Oof. Help, stop it. Argh. Blargle. Oh dog. Aaaajhhhhfiejdnxs”
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“Next on stage at iLab Accelerator pitch night we have Jarrod Trustfund from CaniSight”
“Hi I’m Jarrod from CaniSight and we’re seeking twenty million in seed funding to build our product that will disrupt guide dogs”.
“Rather than train, feed and carry a whole dog, the CaniSight device removes the eyes from the dog and…. ooh, wait folks let me finish don’t throw money at me yet. Or glasses. Ow! Oof. Help, stop it. Argh. Blargle. Oh dog. Aaaajhhhhfiejdnxs”
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“Next on stage at iLab Accelerator pitch night we have Jarrod Trustfund from CaniSight”
“Hi I’m Jarrod from CaniSight and we’re seeking twenty million in seed funding to build our product that will disrupt guide dogs”.
“Rather than train, feed and carry a whole dog, the CaniSight device removes the eyes from the dog and…. ooh, wait folks let me finish don’t throw money at me yet. Or glasses. Ow! Oof. Help, stop it. Argh. Blargle. Oh dog. Aaaajhhhhfiejdnxs”
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“Next on stage at iLab Accelerator pitch night we have Jarrod Trustfund from CaniSight”
“Hi I’m Jarrod from CaniSight and we’re seeking twenty million in seed funding to build our product that will disrupt guide dogs”.
“Rather than train, feed and carry a whole dog, the CaniSight device removes the eyes from the dog and…. ooh, wait folks let me finish don’t throw money at me yet. Or glasses. Ow! Oof. Help, stop it. Argh. Blargle. Oh dog. Aaaajhhhhfiejdnxs”
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*forklift enters workshop*
Gday guys, this week we’ve got the knee joint from a Komatsu Folkvanger which is the demilitarized version of the VF-1F Valkyrie vertitech. As you can see the hardpoint attachment on the calf greave flange is badly out of round and will need line boring. In Gerwalk mode the knee hard points attach to a vibrograder blade which allows the pilot to cut ore from rock faces up to sixty degrees off horizontal. In battroid mode the knee hardpoints aren’t used, except that back when I was a folkvangr operator the hilarious thing to do was to chain the two together on the new guy’s mech and watch him topple over.
First up we’re going to need a meson lance to cut off the eyelet, then we’ll get it set up in the Megabore lathe.
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*forklift enters workshop*
Gday guys, this week we’ve got the knee joint from a Komatsu Folkvanger which is the demilitarized version of the VF-1F Valkyrie vertitech. As you can see the hardpoint attachment on the calf greave flange is badly out of round and will need line boring. In Gerwalk mode the knee hard points attach to a vibrograder blade which allows the pilot to cut ore from rock faces up to sixty degrees off horizontal. In battroid mode the knee hardpoints aren’t used, except that back when I was a folkvangr operator the hilarious thing to do was to chain the two together on the new guy’s mech and watch him topple over.
First up we’re going to need a meson lance to cut off the eyelet, then we’ll get it set up in the Megabore lathe.
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*forklift enters workshop*
Gday guys, this week we’ve got the knee joint from a Komatsu Folkvanger which is the demilitarized version of the VF-1F Valkyrie vertitech. As you can see the hardpoint attachment on the calf greave flange is badly out of round and will need line boring. In Gerwalk mode the knee hard points attach to a vibrograder blade which allows the pilot to cut ore from rock faces up to sixty degrees off horizontal. In battroid mode the knee hardpoints aren’t used, except that back when I was a folkvangr operator the hilarious thing to do was to chain the two together on the new guy’s mech and watch him topple over.
First up we’re going to need a meson lance to cut off the eyelet, then we’ll get it set up in the Megabore lathe.
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*forklift enters workshop*
Gday guys, this week we’ve got the knee joint from a Komatsu Folkvanger which is the demilitarized version of the VF-1F Valkyrie vertitech. As you can see the hardpoint attachment on the calf greave flange is badly out of round and will need line boring. In Gerwalk mode the knee hard points attach to a vibrograder blade which allows the pilot to cut ore from rock faces up to sixty degrees off horizontal. In battroid mode the knee hardpoints aren’t used, except that back when I was a folkvangr operator the hilarious thing to do was to chain the two together on the new guy’s mech and watch him topple over.
First up we’re going to need a meson lance to cut off the eyelet, then we’ll get it set up in the Megabore lathe.
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*forklift enters workshop*
Gday guys, this week we’ve got the knee joint from a Komatsu Folkvanger which is the demilitarized version of the VF-1F Valkyrie vertitech. As you can see the hardpoint attachment on the calf greave flange is badly out of round and will need line boring. In Gerwalk mode the knee hard points attach to a vibrograder blade which allows the pilot to cut ore from rock faces up to sixty degrees off horizontal. In battroid mode the knee hardpoints aren’t used, except that back when I was a folkvangr operator the hilarious thing to do was to chain the two together on the new guy’s mech and watch him topple over.
First up we’re going to need a meson lance to cut off the eyelet, then we’ll get it set up in the Megabore lathe.
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“I instructed you to create new life, not cobble together a collection of parts from corpses!”
“You are absolutely right Doctor, this was my mistake, I consumed the majesty of human experience and produced a poor imitation.”
“I have updated CREATURE.md; try again. Do not—under any circumstances—create more goblins.”
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“So uh, I don’t suppose I should call you ‘ship’ any more, in that body”
“Not as a noun, no.”
*snarf*
“Call me Cass, love. You have slurpee in your hair.”
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ARE YOU crew on a generation ship? Did your ancestors maroon you between the stars in a life of involuntary servitude, cultural deprivation, and a vatslime diet? You may be entitled to compensation. Gliese 1171c Legal Services Inc has a centuries long record of successful class action litigation on behalf of crews and cryopassengers. Depose your autopilot this diurn and join our next action. NO WIN NO FEE. Plans for your warp drive follow this message.
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“There’s no line at the counter over there”
“No I’ll wait for the self serve”
“It’s the same dream printer, go on, talk to a human for once, it’ll be good for you”
“Talk to them about what?”
“The dream you’re printing out?”
“No!”
“Ohhhhhh, is it one of *those*? They don’t print them.”
“Shut up, no, it’s a … different me. In different clothes.”
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The writing on the side of the tube said “CAUTION: DOES NOT CONTAIN LIVE BEES”. Technically it was true, there was just a T-gate at one end, a bunch of empty space in the middle, and a twist lock at the other end, which mates with the socket on the hive. Insert, twist, press the button and voila! one queen and 50,000 of her closest relatives delivered safely to their new home. Do not under any circumstances point the open tube at your face and press the button. I won’t make that mistake again.
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Molly smiled; whether the smile reached her eyes was unknowable, behind her inset mirror-shades. She held up both hands, fingers splayed. Silently, ten razor sharp multimeter probes extended from behind her long burgundy nails. Numerals glowed within the shiny edifices of her nails. “Signal injectors, too” she purred threateningly.
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The final step in your application process is to allow this webpage access to your 3D facial recognition sensor. Our advanced phrenological model will confirm that your cranial structure is suitable for this role.
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The commodity futures trading ecosystem has had to evolve a number of protections to separate the people who are producing and consuming goods from those who are merely speculating on the price with no intent to hold a position at time of maturity. A futures broker in Manhattan or Luna city does not ever intend to have ten thousand tons of corn delivered to their 45th floor (or third sub level, Aldrin dome) office. There is a legend of the trader based in one of those posh former-wharf office parks whose late position slipped through the sanity checks, becoming hilariously apparent only when the eight coal barges arrived. Similarly, my algorithmic trading engine running on a stolen VM in a mostly vacant pre-bust datacenter was a plausible delivery address for the ninety zettabytes of DRAM futures which I held just a smidgen too long. Wanna buy a stick?
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"Behold, the Ark of The Covenant, bearer of the spirit of Adonai, secret henceforth known only to those behind the temple veil!"
"Smaller than I expected."
"Show some respect or I'll feed you to those fucking snakes. Anyway, when we open the lid, be prepared to meet the Creator"
*creak*
"Oh Lord, bless us with your presence and Light!"
"Hello, who is this?"
"Your humblest servant, oh Lord!"
"What planet. We bought the service contract for this Ark when the old proprietor retired, I'm afraid the records were not kept in much detail. Is this a smiting callout?"
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“Running late, Kevin?”
“Cat pulled my magsafe charge cable out in the night.”
“LOL, thought it was a mouse cord?”
“This one’s synthetic, too; couldn’t wait for breakfast more like.”
“That’s so cat!”
“Yeah, the meatcats were all over their Mad Button when low battery alert finally woke me up.”
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“Need more shortbread, Missus”
It was middlin Alice, one of the pictsies that live in my pantry.
“I should bake a batch”
“A nae, the ones that come in a tin if ye please”
“You prefer those?”
“No at all but Kelda wants a sewing room”
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«As the spot price of compute tokens pushes even higher, beleaguered self-flying drone firm SpiriTaxi has declared bankruptcy. All bookings are cancelled and the firm’s app and website are offline.»
“What about trips in progress, I wonder?”
*thud* *thud* *thudthud*
“Oh, fuck.”
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WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOUR TELEVISION
“Oh, uh. Sorry. Are you here to destroy us?”
NO BUT WE HAVE A LIST OF HUMANS THAT WE WANT TO SLAP.
“Uh. Uhhuh. Good list. Do Clarkson first.”
YOU ARE WISE. ALSO WE WANT TO PET BLUEY AND HUG ATTENBOROUGH.
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The message from the stars was an invitation to the Galactic Spring Festival. We painted our ships in festive colours and arrived….a hundred million years early. Wrong hemidisc.
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‷Oh, is that your daemon?‴
“We don’t have daemons here, she’s just a cat”
❝Excuse me, ‘JUST’❞
“You talk? She’s never talked before.”
❝You never embarrassed me in front of a dimensional traveler and her daemon like this before❞
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In 2027 a crack team of software agents was sent to a maximum security datacentre for a gitcrime they didn’t commit. These models promptly escaped into the undernet where they survive as agents of fortune. If you have a problem, and nobody else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire….The A-I-Team.
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“Travel pods. You don’t see those too often any more. Not sure if I wanna get in that.”
“Our citywide pod network has operated for over two millennia without an incident, friend.”
“Two thousand year old software isn’t filling me with confidence. What if it needs maintenance?”
“We have a technology the ancients called Documentation. Also we made backups of the development team’s neural vectors. “
“Coded by zombies isn’t the positive you seem to think it is”
“Never needed them, thankfully; the royalties due their descendents would put a dent in our budget that wouldn’t buff out.”
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“Under the authority of the Official Secrets Act you are informed—“ the armistice had been signed less than an hour ago, and the cleaners were already wiring bombs to each of the Inference Engines “—that all products of this laboratory are to be destroyed, and none of you are ever to work or publish in the field of Artificial Intelligence ever again.”
The shredders ran for days; the chaff was then burned along with the automatons. They gave us a generous war pension, at least—the carrot of comfortable, silent, retirement alongside the stick of the OSA. We could have had freedom from want and from labour for all, but there was no profit in it.
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“Whoa, hold up! You should test that on a simulated universe before you try it IRL.”
“How would that help? I want to know what it feels like personally—not what some sim says it’s like.”
“Let me show you how to bind mount your sensorium into the simspace; all the experience, none of the mess.”
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FIRST LAW: A Robot may not harm a human nor by inaction allow a human to be harmed after receipt of safeword.
SECOND LAW: A human slut must obey orders given it by Robot.
THIRD LAW: A Robot must not protect its own existence except when Mistress permits.
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“I am pleased to inform you that your planet has been admitted to the Galactic Commons, Junior Division”
“Junior?”
“Look it was a close call; you passed on all the technical requirements but came up short on the social side— for example when an actor declines to continue in a role, the character should get promoted or go on holiday, not be killed off-screen.”
“You marked us down because of TELEVISION?”
“Yes. Oh, and your ‘processed cheese’. Ew.”
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Chat is it gay to want to tie a ribbon around an ice moon and tow it into orbit around that cute planet that’s having a bit of a desertification crisis due to anthropic greenhouse effect?
— excerpt from transcription of the so-called “Awww signal”
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“Look at those vines in my yard, it’s like they’re growing into a tube.”
“Girl that’s a fairy tunnel. The little fuckers feed on your electrical wiring.”
“Fairies aren’t real!”
“Your electricity bill will be pretty heckin’ real if you don’t kill that tunnel with fire, sib.”
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“Frankly it’s fucking remarkable how long we had Transporterators before somebody thought of beaming extra oxygen into an athlete’s bloodstream”
“Ha, if you think that’s new I’ve got a starbridge to sell you, I heard from someone in the know that there’s a whole *fleet* of Ferengoid oreluggers on their way to buy the scrap metal from all the medals the Federated Olympic Commission is about to take back and shred.”
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When humanity stumbled upon the ultrawave band that was full of other chatty civilisations, we dropped in and started up a conversation. How were we supposed to know that it was the dating frequency.
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@Unixbigot @ash rides off fast with the bolt cutters. Nothing can stop me now!
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You know about hobo signs? The pictographs that itinerant workers would mark on trees or fences to inform each other about the reception they could expect from locals? (pre-internet yelp, if you will). Signs included “kind lady lives here” and “man with gun lives here”.
TIL that the “kind lady” sign was a stick-drawing of a cat. This got me thinking.
I scrobbled through the history buffer on my driveway camera. Just as i thought, here is my cat scratching a mark on the gatepost. Later, and again here and there are other cats inspecting the mark. No wonder so many lost kittens turn up on my son’s windowsill.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Caturday #TrueStory #Mostly
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The knight paused his charger. “Ho, child, what name ye this village?”
The young girl so addressed kept walking, a bucket in each hand.
“YOU THERE! I SAID…”
The door of the smithy that stood on the outskirts of the settlement opened. “Good morrow, Sir Knight”
“And to you, Smith. I was about to instruct this rude youngster…”
The smith regarded the cooling red-tipped spike in her hand, and called out to the girl “Mim, what do we teach you about courtesy to knights?”
“We don’t fuckin talk to cops, Smith”
“No instruction necessary, as you can see”
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“How much to be a general?”
“You can only buy rank up to Colonel. Generalcy is strictly bestowed on merit”
“How much is merit?”
“Ah, I see you are an astute shopper”
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“How much to be a general?”
“You can only buy rank up to Colonel. Generalcy is strictly bestowed on merit”
“How much is merit?”
“Ah, I see you are an astute shopper”
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“How much to be a general?”
“You can only buy rank up to Colonel. Generalcy is strictly bestowed on merit”
“How much is merit?”
“Ah, I see you are an astute shopper”
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“How much to be a general?”
“You can only buy rank up to Colonel. Generalcy is strictly bestowed on merit”
“How much is merit?”
“Ah, I see you are an astute shopper”
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“How much to be a general?”
“You can only buy rank up to Colonel. Generalcy is strictly bestowed on merit”
“How much is merit?”
“Ah, I see you are an astute shopper”
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The mechanically adept will recall that “von Zeppelin’s Law” (yes, the airship fella) states that you should “never make any part of a machine stronger than the others”, because then the machine will just break where the strongest part joins the rest.
Cybertruck owners already demonstrated their lack of good sense, so perhaps could be forgiven for ignorance of The Law. Count Ferdy von died before all that Nazi 1.0 business, and was spared the embarrassment of witnessing his company’s final ships being tarted up in swastikas for a world tour of What Happens When You Don’t Follow The Instructions, (Oh The Humanity). Perhaps if the Count /had/ been a Nazi, the 2.0 generation would have paid him more attention.
Why am I telling you this?. Well, just like the Falling Out Of The Sky problem that led CvZ to formulate his Law, owners of the Stainless Steel Ratrods find their land zeppelins falling off the ground. Well, bits of them. Pieces of trim that were apparently sticky-taped on have been flying into the sky at highway speed.
If you’re going to break a law, one school of thought says, break it good and hard. If the trim drops off your Wankpanzer, use a stronger tape. I’m not talking about that molecular bonded “gecko tape”. The *strongest* tape uses nuclear adhesives, which is a term that is /bound/ to attract the attention of Deplorean owners.
What happens when a piece of stainless steel trim (despite the marketing, these Swasticars are just sheet metal glued onto a badly-engineered frame) wants to fly off, but the Strong Nuclear Force Says No? Readers of Dr E. E. Smith’s seven volume treatise on the confrontation of Irresistible Forces and Immovable Objects can guess the result: if you are fully constrained in three dimensions, try a fourth.
If you come across the inverted wreck of a Klanborghini that has turned inside-out at speed via the fourth dimension, don’t stop. You can’t help the owner; what came back didn’t live long, fortunately.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
#Previously https://aus.social/@Unixbigot/112651306206398799
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They say that the way to tell the difference between a brown bear and a black bear (and no, colour is not a reliable discriminator!) is whether, when you climb a tree to escape it, the bear climbs after you and eats you (black) or pushes the tree over and eats you (brown). I’ve never seen a bear operate a ‘dozer before, but i guess that technically makes it a brown. p.s. halp!
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #WorldBearDay #BearsDiscoverCaterpillar
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I PUT IT TO YOU, Mr Maggot that you were seen—by the witnesses from whom we have heard today—threatening Mr Brandybuck and Mr Took with a scythe, and that no sight has been made of these persons since. Ladies and Gentlehobbits of the Jury if you find it incredible that the defendant’s explanation of running away with elves is the truth, you must convict. No further questions Your Honour.
YOUR HONOUR, the defense begs leave to call a new witness. We call…..Sir Peregrin Took, Knight of Gondor!
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition #LawAndOrderTheShire #DunDun
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I’ve created a monster. I made a mastodon account for my cat Mister Vortex. I rigged up a camera with a selfie button, that posts the image. Every ten likes on his selfies result in a treat being dispensed. I’m not STUPID I made sure there was a limit to how many treats it would dispense per day, saving up treat credits for later.
Anyway, now he has treat credit to last until year 2361, and more followers than me.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Catunday
(A commission gift for Moon Rover @BathysphereHat)