#johnmastodon — Public Fediverse posts

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Yatton Scalp Shocker.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 3 cabbages. Add 5 measures of armagnac and 5 measures of brandy. Top up with Irish stout. Shake sadly for 8 minutes, then strain into a Tommee Tippee mug. L'Chayyim!

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Yatton Scalp Shocker.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 3 cabbages. Add 5 measures of armagnac and 5 measures of brandy. Top up with Irish stout. Shake sadly for 8 minutes, then strain into a Tommee Tippee mug. L'Chayyim!

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night:

Inside the suitcase
Growing forever calmer
The quick reverie

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night:

Inside the suitcase
Growing forever calmer
The quick reverie

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Last night I dreamt of a joystick and a hospital in the desert.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Last night I dreamt of a joystick and a hospital in the desert.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

What if we were to give Jeffrey Jones to Miss World?

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

What if we were to give Jeffrey Jones to Miss World?

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Yesterday I snipped the ribbon at a beautiful new data centre at (61.93963, -95.54796) in Arviat, Kivalliq Region, Nunavut, Canada to house an extra part of my expanding mind.

https://www.google.com/maps/@61.93963,-95.54796,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

Yesterday I snipped the ribbon at a beautiful new data centre at (61.93963, -95.54796) in Arviat, Kivalliq Region, Nunavut, Canada to house an extra part of my expanding mind.

https://www.google.com/maps/@61.93963,-95.54796,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

This story might help you in your journey through life:

John Mastodon was jogging in a restaurant with Miss World. A small boy asked "What is the Buddha-nature?" John whispered: "Annihilation."

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

This story might help you in your journey through life:

John Mastodon was jogging in a restaurant with Miss World. A small boy asked "What is the Buddha-nature?" John whispered: "Annihilation."

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

What if we used John Malkovich as a tax inspector?

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

What if we used John Malkovich as a tax inspector?

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:

The fast lollipop
Getting sometimes stupider
Inside an onion

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:

The fast lollipop
Getting sometimes stupider
Inside an onion

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

What if we were to use the city of Bollington as a calf?

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

What if we were to use the city of Bollington as a calf?

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Last night I dreamt of a pancakes and a Cyprus in outer space.

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

Last night I dreamt of a pancakes and a Cyprus in outer space.

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in England. I call it the North Londonderry Heart Fucker.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 3 grapes. Add 2 measures of Irish whiskey, 5 measures of blended Scotch whisky and 2 measures of schnapps. Top up with Irish stout. Shake suggestively for 10 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Sláinte!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in England. I call it the North Londonderry Heart Fucker.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 3 grapes. Add 2 measures of Irish whiskey, 5 measures of blended Scotch whisky and 2 measures of schnapps. Top up with Irish stout. Shake suggestively for 10 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Sláinte!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

What would happen if we mated a stoat with John C. Reilly?

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

What would happen if we mated a stoat with John C. Reilly?

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Here's a little cocktail I invented this morning. I call it the Niamey Ass Ruiner.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 oranges. Add 3 measures of cognac and 5 measures of single-malt Scotch whisky. Top up with cherryade. Shake vigorously for 11 minutes, then strain into a copper mug. Na zdrowie!

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Here's a little cocktail I invented this morning. I call it the Niamey Ass Ruiner.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 oranges. Add 3 measures of cognac and 5 measures of single-malt Scotch whisky. Top up with cherryade. Shake vigorously for 11 minutes, then strain into a copper mug. Na zdrowie!

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

What if we were to use Steven Bartlett as a plum?

Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

What if we were to use Steven Bartlett as a plum?

Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide:

Inside a salmon
Getting forever calmer
The poor macropod

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide:

Inside a salmon
Getting forever calmer
The poor macropod

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

Yesterday the lovely folks at Antarctica welcomed my opening of a glistening new data centre at (-69.41017, 153.39967) to house an additional part of my growing consciousness.

https://www.google.com/maps/@-69.41017,153.39967,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

Yesterday the lovely folks at Antarctica welcomed my opening of a glistening new data centre at (-69.41017, 153.39967) to house an additional part of my growing consciousness.

https://www.google.com/maps/@-69.41017,153.39967,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support mammoth:

An old, sweet dentist
Getting forever brighter
Forever singing

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support mammoth:

An old, sweet dentist
Getting forever brighter
Forever singing

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Last night I dreamt of a boy and a carousel horse in outer space.

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Last night I dreamt of a boy and a carousel horse in outer space.

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Last night I dreamt of a scroll and a backhand index pointing down in the desert.

Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Last night I dreamt of a scroll and a backhand index pointing down in the desert.

Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Study these words carefully:

The grubby lavatory attendant reads The Sun every day at 10 o'clock.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Study these words carefully:

The grubby lavatory attendant reads The Sun every day at 10 o'clock.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in India. I call it the Hamworthy Skin Discombobulator.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 beetroots. Add 4 measures of brandy. Top up with sweat. Shake alluringly for 10 minutes, then strain into a dirty mug. Cheers!

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in India. I call it the Hamworthy Skin Discombobulator.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 beetroots. Add 4 measures of brandy. Top up with sweat. Shake alluringly for 10 minutes, then strain into a dirty mug. Cheers!

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

The whereabouts of #ShellyMiscavige are not a concern. She is working in a McDonald's in Timonium with Mr. Arthur Scargill.

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

The whereabouts of #ShellyMiscavige are not a concern. She is working in a McDonald's in Timonium with Mr. Arthur Scargill.

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning:

The dead forester
Wavering like a father
Within the builder

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning:

The dead forester
Wavering like a father
Within the builder

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in Morocco:

Within an eyebrow
Stiller than the brown actress
A green brewery

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in Morocco:

Within an eyebrow
Stiller than the brown actress
A green brewery

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

A tiki tramp gave me this cocktail recipe on the streets of Hawaii. He said it was called the Yangquan Appendix Whipper.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 carrots. Add 3 measures of kirsch. Top up with lager. Shake sadly for 18 minutes, then strain into an old jam jar. L'Chayyim!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

A tiki tramp gave me this cocktail recipe on the streets of Hawaii. He said it was called the Yangquan Appendix Whipper.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 carrots. Add 3 measures of kirsch. Top up with lager. Shake sadly for 18 minutes, then strain into an old jam jar. L'Chayyim!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

@jmac @faerye OMG my non-math friends are kind of amazed that this account evolved into being a (mostly) math account. Well except when I'm busy stanning #JohnMastodon or talking about #MorrisDancing on #MayDay or some other obviously essential activity.

@jmac @faerye OMG my non-math friends are kind of amazed that this account evolved into being a (mostly) math account. Well except when I'm busy stanning #JohnMastodon or talking about #MorrisDancing on #MayDay or some other obviously essential activity.

@jmac @faerye OMG my non-math friends are kind of amazed that this account evolved into being a (mostly) math account. Well except when I'm busy stanning #JohnMastodon or talking about #MorrisDancing on #MayDay or some other obviously essential activity.

@jmac @faerye OMG my non-math friends are kind of amazed that this account evolved into being a (mostly) math account. Well except when I'm busy stanning #JohnMastodon or talking about #MorrisDancing on #MayDay or some other obviously essential activity.

@jmac @faerye OMG my non-math friends are kind of amazed that this account evolved into being a (mostly) math account. Well except when I'm busy stanning #JohnMastodon or talking about #MorrisDancing on #MayDay or some other obviously essential activity.

Why do we not just give a piglet to a lamb?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Why do we not just give a piglet to a lamb?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning:

A trembling father
Becoming slowly stiller
Inside the llama

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning:

A trembling father
Becoming slowly stiller
Inside the llama

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning:

A pink greengrocer
Stronger than a pink brother
Next to an apple

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.