#immigrantlife — Public Fediverse posts

5 years ago tomorrow I would be getting on a plane at 2 am. It was a decision that would change my life and my person forever. Five years ago I moved from Colorado, USA to Germany on my Birthday. I have tattoos, piercings, I've been a head chef, my personality is changed, I learned a new language, I have a wife. The person that got on that plane died in a lot of ways. I feel 18 hours of air travel can do that to a person.

I have scared a great deal of my old friends with the changes. Germany's idea of freedom is very different to the USA. The USA has a habit of imposing it's freedom on others, including it's own citizens. I feel it's one of the stronger portions of dox culture. I'm now tempered with German privacy and the idea that my life and needs end at your nose. That plus the rudimentary German shortness and efficiency has had many people interpret me as a bitch or a Zicke depending on the language. I don't really mind, many people have said they prefer the new me.... dramatically.

My American Fire has been tempered by German Cold.

Integration has led to a great deal in my temperament and politics but also to grow closer to my wife, Tally. We are somehow getting close to the longest relationship I've ever had. I've never met a better match. Not like a matching left hand, more like a perfect fitting glove.

Estrogen, living abroad and searching for citizenship, age, time, and experience have seasoned me into something that is very clearly an evolution of what I was but I am changed. I don't mourn that change. I like me much more now. I don't even mourn the loss of my English abilities for new German faculties. It's a lot to take in what 5 years can change and I thought, as a trans woman, I would be much more used to massive five year changes .... aber naja.

Setting that first foot on Frankfurt Flughafen was the first step into a new life. One small step for women, one giant leap for lesbian-kind.

The two pictures are some of my favorites. The first is me at my last job in the US, the second on the right is from my wedding day two months ago.

#lifechange #immigrantlife #lgbtjoy

5 years ago tomorrow I would be getting on a plane at 2 am. It was a decision that would change my life and my person forever. Five years ago I moved from Colorado, USA to Germany on my Birthday. I have tattoos, piercings, I've been a head chef, my personality is changed, I learned a new language, I have a wife. The person that got on that plane died in a lot of ways. I feel 18 hours of air travel can do that to a person.

I have scared a great deal of my old friends with the changes. Germany's idea of freedom is very different to the USA. The USA has a habit of imposing it's freedom on others, including it's own citizens. I feel it's one of the stronger portions of dox culture. I'm now tempered with German privacy and the idea that my life and needs end at your nose. That plus the rudimentary German shortness and efficiency has had many people interpret me as a bitch or a Zicke depending on the language. I don't really mind, many people have said they prefer the new me.... dramatically.

My American Fire has been tempered by German Cold.

Integration has led to a great deal in my temperament and politics but also to grow closer to my wife, Tally. We are somehow getting close to the longest relationship I've ever had. I've never met a better match. Not like a matching left hand, more like a perfect fitting glove.

Estrogen, living abroad and searching for citizenship, age, time, and experience have seasoned me into something that is very clearly an evolution of what I was but I am changed. I don't mourn that change. I like me much more now. I don't even mourn the loss of my English abilities for new German faculties. It's a lot to take in what 5 years can change and I thought, as a trans woman, I would be much more used to massive five year changes .... aber naja.

Setting that first foot on Frankfurt Flughafen was the first step into a new life. One small step for women, one giant leap for lesbian-kind.

The two pictures are some of my favorites. The first is me at my last job in the US, the second on the right is from my wedding day two months ago.

#lifechange #immigrantlife #lgbtjoy

5 years ago tomorrow I would be getting on a plane at 2 am. It was a decision that would change my life and my person forever. Five years ago I moved from Colorado, USA to Germany on my Birthday. I have tattoos, piercings, I've been a head chef, my personality is changed, I learned a new language, I have a wife. The person that got on that plane died in a lot of ways. I feel 18 hours of air travel can do that to a person.

I have scared a great deal of my old friends with the changes. Germany's idea of freedom is very different to the USA. The USA has a habit of imposing it's freedom on others, including it's own citizens. I feel it's one of the stronger portions of dox culture. I'm now tempered with German privacy and the idea that my life and needs end at your nose. That plus the rudimentary German shortness and efficiency has had many people interpret me as a bitch or a Zicke depending on the language. I don't really mind, many people have said they prefer the new me.... dramatically.

My American Fire has been tempered by German Cold.

Integration has led to a great deal in my temperament and politics but also to grow closer to my wife, Tally. We are somehow getting close to the longest relationship I've ever had. I've never met a better match. Not like a matching left hand, more like a perfect fitting glove.

Estrogen, living abroad and searching for citizenship, age, time, and experience have seasoned me into something that is very clearly an evolution of what I was but I am changed. I don't mourn that change. I like me much more now. I don't even mourn the loss of my English abilities for new German faculties. It's a lot to take in what 5 years can change and I thought, as a trans woman, I would be much more used to massive five year changes .... aber naja.

Setting that first foot on Frankfurt Flughafen was the first step into a new life. One small step for women, one giant leap for lesbian-kind.

The two pictures are some of my favorites. The first is me at my last job in the US, the second on the right is from my wedding day two months ago.

#lifechange #immigrantlife #lgbtjoy

5 years ago tomorrow I would be getting on a plane at 2 am. It was a decision that would change my life and my person forever. Five years ago I moved from Colorado, USA to Germany on my Birthday. I have tattoos, piercings, I've been a head chef, my personality is changed, I learned a new language, I have a wife. The person that got on that plane died in a lot of ways. I feel 18 hours of air travel can do that to a person.

I have scared a great deal of my old friends with the changes. Germany's idea of freedom is very different to the USA. The USA has a habit of imposing it's freedom on others, including it's own citizens. I feel it's one of the stronger portions of dox culture. I'm now tempered with German privacy and the idea that my life and needs end at your nose. That plus the rudimentary German shortness and efficiency has had many people interpret me as a bitch or a Zicke depending on the language. I don't really mind, many people have said they prefer the new me.... dramatically.

My American Fire has been tempered by German Cold.

Integration has led to a great deal in my temperament and politics but also to grow closer to my wife, Tally. We are somehow getting close to the longest relationship I've ever had. I've never met a better match. Not like a matching left hand, more like a perfect fitting glove.

Estrogen, living abroad and searching for citizenship, age, time, and experience have seasoned me into something that is very clearly an evolution of what I was but I am changed. I don't mourn that change. I like me much more now. I don't even mourn the loss of my English abilities for new German faculties. It's a lot to take in what 5 years can change and I thought, as a trans woman, I would be much more used to massive five year changes .... aber naja.

Setting that first foot on Frankfurt Flughafen was the first step into a new life. One small step for women, one giant leap for lesbian-kind.

The two pictures are some of my favorites. The first is me at my last job in the US, the second on the right is from my wedding day two months ago.

#lifechange #immigrantlife #lgbtjoy

5 years ago tomorrow I would be getting on a plane at 2 am. It was a decision that would change my life and my person forever. Five years ago I moved from Colorado, USA to Germany on my Birthday. I have tattoos, piercings, I've been a head chef, my personality is changed, I learned a new language, I have a wife. The person that got on that plane died in a lot of ways. I feel 18 hours of air travel can do that to a person.

I have scared a great deal of my old friends with the changes. Germany's idea of freedom is very different to the USA. The USA has a habit of imposing it's freedom on others, including it's own citizens. I feel it's one of the stronger portions of dox culture. I'm now tempered with German privacy and the idea that my life and needs end at your nose. That plus the rudimentary German shortness and efficiency has had many people interpret me as a bitch or a Zicke depending on the language. I don't really mind, many people have said they prefer the new me.... dramatically.

My American Fire has been tempered by German Cold.

Integration has led to a great deal in my temperament and politics but also to grow closer to my wife, Tally. We are somehow getting close to the longest relationship I've ever had. I've never met a better match. Not like a matching left hand, more like a perfect fitting glove.

Estrogen, living abroad and searching for citizenship, age, time, and experience have seasoned me into something that is very clearly an evolution of what I was but I am changed. I don't mourn that change. I like me much more now. I don't even mourn the loss of my English abilities for new German faculties. It's a lot to take in what 5 years can change and I thought, as a trans woman, I would be much more used to massive five year changes .... aber naja.

Setting that first foot on Frankfurt Flughafen was the first step into a new life. One small step for women, one giant leap for lesbian-kind.

The two pictures are some of my favorites. The first is me at my last job in the US, the second on the right is from my wedding day two months ago.

#lifechange #immigrantlife #lgbtjoy

I had just gotten off the phone with our Irish hostess to come pick us up after our long distance walk. She'd apologized and I gave a generalized assurance. I kicked myself for what I'd said. after hanging up my wife asked "Did you just say 'alles gut'?". To which I said "Yes, unfortunately".

Germany has changed me, altered my temperament and speech patterns and it's showed up very strongly in Ireland. We even met some Irish locals on our hike and they asked where we were from. "German" said my wife, "German American" said I. And this guy just goes "It's wonderful innit? Yesterday was two Spanish lassies, today two Germans".

The inescapable German timbre that's worked into my voice and the strong integration I've gone through means most people just wave their hands and go "That's a German". I was even talking to my wife about how Germans won't even leave their country until they're more fluent in that country's language than the locals. Most Americans I've met will just use Google translate or chat gpt and call it a day. I was explaining that I did workbooks, apps, reading and practicing pronunciation before I even landed in Germany. My wife was looking at me like I was being ridiculous and I thought for a moment "wait a minute" I was destined to be a better German than I ever was an American and ae was waiting for me to cue on to what I was saying.

I don't think it's bad to be an American. I certainly don't believe in a German master race. It's more I wasn't expecting to be just seen as a German. I was expecting to talk around being an American but people would rather just call me a German and it's not just the inescapable German that creeps into my English, it's the mannerisms and habits that feel more normal and comfortable than the cultural cues from where I was born. My mother even pointed it out when we video called but being in an English speaking country has made the difference immensely blatant.

This will need more processing.

#immigrantlife #integration

I had just gotten off the phone with our Irish hostess to come pick us up after our long distance walk. She'd apologized and I gave a generalized assurance. I kicked myself for what I'd said. after hanging up my wife asked "Did you just say 'alles gut'?". To which I said "Yes, unfortunately".

Germany has changed me, altered my temperament and speech patterns and it's showed up very strongly in Ireland. We even met some Irish locals on our hike and they asked where we were from. "German" said my wife, "German American" said I. And this guy just goes "It's wonderful innit? Yesterday was two Spanish lassies, today two Germans".

The inescapable German timbre that's worked into my voice and the strong integration I've gone through means most people just wave their hands and go "That's a German". I was even talking to my wife about how Germans won't even leave their country until they're more fluent in that country's language than the locals. Most Americans I've met will just use Google translate or chat gpt and call it a day. I was explaining that I did workbooks, apps, reading and practicing pronunciation before I even landed in Germany. My wife was looking at me like I was being ridiculous and I thought for a moment "wait a minute" I was destined to be a better German than I ever was an American and ae was waiting for me to cue on to what I was saying.

I don't think it's bad to be an American. I certainly don't believe in a German master race. It's more I wasn't expecting to be just seen as a German. I was expecting to talk around being an American but people would rather just call me a German and it's not just the inescapable German that creeps into my English, it's the mannerisms and habits that feel more normal and comfortable than the cultural cues from where I was born. My mother even pointed it out when we video called but being in an English speaking country has made the difference immensely blatant.

This will need more processing.

#immigrantlife #integration

I had just gotten off the phone with our Irish hostess to come pick us up after our long distance walk. She'd apologized and I gave a generalized assurance. I kicked myself for what I'd said. after hanging up my wife asked "Did you just say 'alles gut'?". To which I said "Yes, unfortunately".

Germany has changed me, altered my temperament and speech patterns and it's showed up very strongly in Ireland. We even met some Irish locals on our hike and they asked where we were from. "German" said my wife, "German American" said I. And this guy just goes "It's wonderful innit? Yesterday was two Spanish lassies, today two Germans".

The inescapable German timbre that's worked into my voice and the strong integration I've gone through means most people just wave their hands and go "That's a German". I was even talking to my wife about how Germans won't even leave their country until they're more fluent in that country's language than the locals. Most Americans I've met will just use Google translate or chat gpt and call it a day. I was explaining that I did workbooks, apps, reading and practicing pronunciation before I even landed in Germany. My wife was looking at me like I was being ridiculous and I thought for a moment "wait a minute" I was destined to be a better German than I ever was an American and ae was waiting for me to cue on to what I was saying.

I don't think it's bad to be an American. I certainly don't believe in a German master race. It's more I wasn't expecting to be just seen as a German. I was expecting to talk around being an American but people would rather just call me a German and it's not just the inescapable German that creeps into my English, it's the mannerisms and habits that feel more normal and comfortable than the cultural cues from where I was born. My mother even pointed it out when we video called but being in an English speaking country has made the difference immensely blatant.

This will need more processing.

#immigrantlife #integration

I had just gotten off the phone with our Irish hostess to come pick us up after our long distance walk. She'd apologized and I gave a generalized assurance. I kicked myself for what I'd said. after hanging up my wife asked "Did you just say 'alles gut'?". To which I said "Yes, unfortunately".

Germany has changed me, altered my temperament and speech patterns and it's showed up very strongly in Ireland. We even met some Irish locals on our hike and they asked where we were from. "German" said my wife, "German American" said I. And this guy just goes "It's wonderful innit? Yesterday was two Spanish lassies, today two Germans".

The inescapable German timbre that's worked into my voice and the strong integration I've gone through means most people just wave their hands and go "That's a German". I was even talking to my wife about how Germans won't even leave their country until they're more fluent in that country's language than the locals. Most Americans I've met will just use Google translate or chat gpt and call it a day. I was explaining that I did workbooks, apps, reading and practicing pronunciation before I even landed in Germany. My wife was looking at me like I was being ridiculous and I thought for a moment "wait a minute" I was destined to be a better German than I ever was an American and ae was waiting for me to cue on to what I was saying.

I don't think it's bad to be an American. I certainly don't believe in a German master race. It's more I wasn't expecting to be just seen as a German. I was expecting to talk around being an American but people would rather just call me a German and it's not just the inescapable German that creeps into my English, it's the mannerisms and habits that feel more normal and comfortable than the cultural cues from where I was born. My mother even pointed it out when we video called but being in an English speaking country has made the difference immensely blatant.

This will need more processing.

#immigrantlife #integration

I had just gotten off the phone with our Irish hostess to come pick us up after our long distance walk. She'd apologized and I gave a generalized assurance. I kicked myself for what I'd said. after hanging up my wife asked "Did you just say 'alles gut'?". To which I said "Yes, unfortunately".

Germany has changed me, altered my temperament and speech patterns and it's showed up very strongly in Ireland. We even met some Irish locals on our hike and they asked where we were from. "German" said my wife, "German American" said I. And this guy just goes "It's wonderful innit? Yesterday was two Spanish lassies, today two Germans".

The inescapable German timbre that's worked into my voice and the strong integration I've gone through means most people just wave their hands and go "That's a German". I was even talking to my wife about how Germans won't even leave their country until they're more fluent in that country's language than the locals. Most Americans I've met will just use Google translate or chat gpt and call it a day. I was explaining that I did workbooks, apps, reading and practicing pronunciation before I even landed in Germany. My wife was looking at me like I was being ridiculous and I thought for a moment "wait a minute" I was destined to be a better German than I ever was an American and ae was waiting for me to cue on to what I was saying.

I don't think it's bad to be an American. I certainly don't believe in a German master race. It's more I wasn't expecting to be just seen as a German. I was expecting to talk around being an American but people would rather just call me a German and it's not just the inescapable German that creeps into my English, it's the mannerisms and habits that feel more normal and comfortable than the cultural cues from where I was born. My mother even pointed it out when we video called but being in an English speaking country has made the difference immensely blatant.

This will need more processing.

#immigrantlife #integration

Today is a really hard day for me and I have lots of really complicated feelings. I'm really not a big fan of my homeland. Like ... at all. All of our delivery prices have shot into the stratosphere because gas is like $10 a gallon in Germany. And I'm living in Germany while my president is falling Hitler's playbook. It's not possible to spin the US as an ally to basically anyone except for Friedrich fucking Merz. You don't really seem to understand that the US has gone from Joke to Joke but also not an ally anymore.

And there's more to it than the sitting president of the US can't even recite the first sentence of the Declaration of Independence much less the contents. And those feelings get even more complicated. My family and I used to go to our local highschool, my highschool, and sit in the fields and listen to the Colorado Symphony and the US Air Force's Borrowed Howitzers while the fireworks shot off noisily into the sky. Until I was good enough at the flute to take part in that symphony and I developed a specific hatred for Tchaikovsky. I'm assured he hated the flute section, those notes are designed for a piccolo NOT a flute and have you ever tried to play an instrument while howitzers fire ordinance near you?!

I digress.

It's a place where the entire city was camped out on picnic blankets and we could be social. I have a complicated relationship with my country. I have a complicated relationship with my family but I still miss that evening. I also miss the more robust fireworks laws because fuck Sylvester. Germans do almost as much damage to Berlin every New Years as the Soviets did.

But how can I miss it? My family was rather abusive and homophobic. They remain Trump voters. My brother disowned me when I came out. How can I miss it when the contents of what the declaration of Independence are against is what the POTUS and his cronies are for. I have never been a patriot but I miss the community....

I'm also integrating heavily into Germany. I don't feel attatchment to my country. Of all the immigrants I know I am the only one that refuses to go back. The exception to the rule of homesickness. I hated July the 4th. A massive willful destructive display of Nationalism and every single year I am reminded how many people will willfully ignore the atrocities of the USA while going to the grocery store or the gas stations in Germany is practically highway robbery thanks in large part to the USA destabilizing the world economy.

But I miss those lazy summer evenings. I miss rebels hanging from statues of the presidents reading the Declaration of Indpendence as if we had just declared war on England with the crowd saying "fuck the redcoats" and "fuck the british" but I hear Germans talking about missing this community as well.

It's like this whole polarization of the world has cost us something precious. Neighborhoods and community. As a queer I know that us receiving community is a mockery of reality but I still remember when the US congress voted on opinions and not party lines. Polarization has gotten worse everywhere. Now we have parties that aren't just seperated from reality, they are seperated from a common morality.

I just feel split. I have been in Germany long enough that people call me a German which I would argue is true but simultaneously not. I watch country where I learned about equality where I internalized the statement "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" lose it's grasp on democracy and morality and fall into fascism. Watch as traitors are pardoned and protesters and law abiding citizens are jailed for exercising their first ammmendent rights against the president.

I would argue that I am German but my heart pains me watching US news. I feel alone even with my wife sitting right beside me because this is a heartache only a few people can know. To be simultaneously a well integrated German but watch your country of birth die and hurt inside watching it in it's death rattles.

I dunno. I just feel alone. I hate it. We don't deserve a birthday but gods I miss those summer nights. I want community back and these fascist neighborhating shitheads a very unpleasant stay in hell. Regardless of country Braune flasche gehört zu Glass Kontainer nicht das Parliament.

#fourthofjuly #immigrantlife

Today is a really hard day for me and I have lots of really complicated feelings. I'm really not a big fan of my homeland. Like ... at all. All of our delivery prices have shot into the stratosphere because gas is like $10 a gallon in Germany. And I'm living in Germany while my president is falling Hitler's playbook. It's not possible to spin the US as an ally to basically anyone except for Friedrich fucking Merz. You don't really seem to understand that the US has gone from Joke to Joke but also not an ally anymore.

And there's more to it than the sitting president of the US can't even recite the first sentence of the Declaration of Independence much less the contents. And those feelings get even more complicated. My family and I used to go to our local highschool, my highschool, and sit in the fields and listen to the Colorado Symphony and the US Air Force's Borrowed Howitzers while the fireworks shot off noisily into the sky. Until I was good enough at the flute to take part in that symphony and I developed a specific hatred for Tchaikovsky. I'm assured he hated the flute section, those notes are designed for a piccolo NOT a flute and have you ever tried to play an instrument while howitzers fire ordinance near you?!

I digress.

It's a place where the entire city was camped out on picnic blankets and we could be social. I have a complicated relationship with my country. I have a complicated relationship with my family but I still miss that evening. I also miss the more robust fireworks laws because fuck Sylvester. Germans do almost as much damage to Berlin every New Years as the Soviets did.

But how can I miss it? My family was rather abusive and homophobic. They remain Trump voters. My brother disowned me when I came out. How can I miss it when the contents of what the declaration of Independence are against is what the POTUS and his cronies are for. I have never been a patriot but I miss the community....

I'm also integrating heavily into Germany. I don't feel attatchment to my country. Of all the immigrants I know I am the only one that refuses to go back. The exception to the rule of homesickness. I hated July the 4th. A massive willful destructive display of Nationalism and every single year I am reminded how many people will willfully ignore the atrocities of the USA while going to the grocery store or the gas stations in Germany is practically highway robbery thanks in large part to the USA destabilizing the world economy.

But I miss those lazy summer evenings. I miss rebels hanging from statues of the presidents reading the Declaration of Indpendence as if we had just declared war on England with the crowd saying "fuck the redcoats" and "fuck the british" but I hear Germans talking about missing this community as well.

It's like this whole polarization of the world has cost us something precious. Neighborhoods and community. As a queer I know that us receiving community is a mockery of reality but I still remember when the US congress voted on opinions and not party lines. Polarization has gotten worse everywhere. Now we have parties that aren't just seperated from reality, they are seperated from a common morality.

I just feel split. I have been in Germany long enough that people call me a German which I would argue is true but simultaneously not. I watch country where I learned about equality where I internalized the statement "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" lose it's grasp on democracy and morality and fall into fascism. Watch as traitors are pardoned and protesters and law abiding citizens are jailed for exercising their first ammmendent rights against the president.

I would argue that I am German but my heart pains me watching US news. I feel alone even with my wife sitting right beside me because this is a heartache only a few people can know. To be simultaneously a well integrated German but watch your country of birth die and hurt inside watching it in it's death rattles.

I dunno. I just feel alone. I hate it. We don't deserve a birthday but gods I miss those summer nights. I want community back and these fascist neighborhating shitheads a very unpleasant stay in hell. Regardless of country Braune flasche gehört zu Glass Kontainer nicht das Parliament.

#fourthofjuly #immigrantlife

Today is a really hard day for me and I have lots of really complicated feelings. I'm really not a big fan of my homeland. Like ... at all. All of our delivery prices have shot into the stratosphere because gas is like $10 a gallon in Germany. And I'm living in Germany while my president is falling Hitler's playbook. It's not possible to spin the US as an ally to basically anyone except for Friedrich fucking Merz. You don't really seem to understand that the US has gone from Joke to Joke but also not an ally anymore.

And there's more to it than the sitting president of the US can't even recite the first sentence of the Declaration of Independence much less the contents. And those feelings get even more complicated. My family and I used to go to our local highschool, my highschool, and sit in the fields and listen to the Colorado Symphony and the US Air Force's Borrowed Howitzers while the fireworks shot off noisily into the sky. Until I was good enough at the flute to take part in that symphony and I developed a specific hatred for Tchaikovsky. I'm assured he hated the flute section, those notes are designed for a piccolo NOT a flute and have you ever tried to play an instrument while howitzers fire ordinance near you?!

I digress.

It's a place where the entire city was camped out on picnic blankets and we could be social. I have a complicated relationship with my country. I have a complicated relationship with my family but I still miss that evening. I also miss the more robust fireworks laws because fuck Sylvester. Germans do almost as much damage to Berlin every New Years as the Soviets did.

But how can I miss it? My family was rather abusive and homophobic. They remain Trump voters. My brother disowned me when I came out. How can I miss it when the contents of what the declaration of Independence are against is what the POTUS and his cronies are for. I have never been a patriot but I miss the community....

I'm also integrating heavily into Germany. I don't feel attatchment to my country. Of all the immigrants I know I am the only one that refuses to go back. The exception to the rule of homesickness. I hated July the 4th. A massive willful destructive display of Nationalism and every single year I am reminded how many people will willfully ignore the atrocities of the USA while going to the grocery store or the gas stations in Germany is practically highway robbery thanks in large part to the USA destabilizing the world economy.

But I miss those lazy summer evenings. I miss rebels hanging from statues of the presidents reading the Declaration of Indpendence as if we had just declared war on England with the crowd saying "fuck the redcoats" and "fuck the british" but I hear Germans talking about missing this community as well.

It's like this whole polarization of the world has cost us something precious. Neighborhoods and community. As a queer I know that us receiving community is a mockery of reality but I still remember when the US congress voted on opinions and not party lines. Polarization has gotten worse everywhere. Now we have parties that aren't just seperated from reality, they are seperated from a common morality.

I just feel split. I have been in Germany long enough that people call me a German which I would argue is true but simultaneously not. I watch country where I learned about equality where I internalized the statement "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" lose it's grasp on democracy and morality and fall into fascism. Watch as traitors are pardoned and protesters and law abiding citizens are jailed for exercising their first ammmendent rights against the president.

I would argue that I am German but my heart pains me watching US news. I feel alone even with my wife sitting right beside me because this is a heartache only a few people can know. To be simultaneously a well integrated German but watch your country of birth die and hurt inside watching it in it's death rattles.

I dunno. I just feel alone. I hate it. We don't deserve a birthday but gods I miss those summer nights. I want community back and these fascist neighborhating shitheads a very unpleasant stay in hell. Regardless of country Braune flasche gehört zu Glass Kontainer nicht das Parliament.

#fourthofjuly #immigrantlife

Today is a really hard day for me and I have lots of really complicated feelings. I'm really not a big fan of my homeland. Like ... at all. All of our delivery prices have shot into the stratosphere because gas is like $10 a gallon in Germany. And I'm living in Germany while my president is falling Hitler's playbook. It's not possible to spin the US as an ally to basically anyone except for Friedrich fucking Merz. You don't really seem to understand that the US has gone from Joke to Joke but also not an ally anymore.

And there's more to it than the sitting president of the US can't even recite the first sentence of the Declaration of Independence much less the contents. And those feelings get even more complicated. My family and I used to go to our local highschool, my highschool, and sit in the fields and listen to the Colorado Symphony and the US Air Force's Borrowed Howitzers while the fireworks shot off noisily into the sky. Until I was good enough at the flute to take part in that symphony and I developed a specific hatred for Tchaikovsky. I'm assured he hated the flute section, those notes are designed for a piccolo NOT a flute and have you ever tried to play an instrument while howitzers fire ordinance near you?!

I digress.

It's a place where the entire city was camped out on picnic blankets and we could be social. I have a complicated relationship with my country. I have a complicated relationship with my family but I still miss that evening. I also miss the more robust fireworks laws because fuck Sylvester. Germans do almost as much damage to Berlin every New Years as the Soviets did.

But how can I miss it? My family was rather abusive and homophobic. They remain Trump voters. My brother disowned me when I came out. How can I miss it when the contents of what the declaration of Independence are against is what the POTUS and his cronies are for. I have never been a patriot but I miss the community....

I'm also integrating heavily into Germany. I don't feel attatchment to my country. Of all the immigrants I know I am the only one that refuses to go back. The exception to the rule of homesickness. I hated July the 4th. A massive willful destructive display of Nationalism and every single year I am reminded how many people will willfully ignore the atrocities of the USA while going to the grocery store or the gas stations in Germany is practically highway robbery thanks in large part to the USA destabilizing the world economy.

But I miss those lazy summer evenings. I miss rebels hanging from statues of the presidents reading the Declaration of Indpendence as if we had just declared war on England with the crowd saying "fuck the redcoats" and "fuck the british" but I hear Germans talking about missing this community as well.

It's like this whole polarization of the world has cost us something precious. Neighborhoods and community. As a queer I know that us receiving community is a mockery of reality but I still remember when the US congress voted on opinions and not party lines. Polarization has gotten worse everywhere. Now we have parties that aren't just seperated from reality, they are seperated from a common morality.

I just feel split. I have been in Germany long enough that people call me a German which I would argue is true but simultaneously not. I watch country where I learned about equality where I internalized the statement "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" lose it's grasp on democracy and morality and fall into fascism. Watch as traitors are pardoned and protesters and law abiding citizens are jailed for exercising their first ammmendent rights against the president.

I would argue that I am German but my heart pains me watching US news. I feel alone even with my wife sitting right beside me because this is a heartache only a few people can know. To be simultaneously a well integrated German but watch your country of birth die and hurt inside watching it in it's death rattles.

I dunno. I just feel alone. I hate it. We don't deserve a birthday but gods I miss those summer nights. I want community back and these fascist neighborhating shitheads a very unpleasant stay in hell. Regardless of country Braune flasche gehört zu Glass Kontainer nicht das Parliament.

#fourthofjuly #immigrantlife

Today is a really hard day for me and I have lots of really complicated feelings. I'm really not a big fan of my homeland. Like ... at all. All of our delivery prices have shot into the stratosphere because gas is like $10 a gallon in Germany. And I'm living in Germany while my president is falling Hitler's playbook. It's not possible to spin the US as an ally to basically anyone except for Friedrich fucking Merz. You don't really seem to understand that the US has gone from Joke to Joke but also not an ally anymore.

And there's more to it than the sitting president of the US can't even recite the first sentence of the Declaration of Independence much less the contents. And those feelings get even more complicated. My family and I used to go to our local highschool, my highschool, and sit in the fields and listen to the Colorado Symphony and the US Air Force's Borrowed Howitzers while the fireworks shot off noisily into the sky. Until I was good enough at the flute to take part in that symphony and I developed a specific hatred for Tchaikovsky. I'm assured he hated the flute section, those notes are designed for a piccolo NOT a flute and have you ever tried to play an instrument while howitzers fire ordinance near you?!

I digress.

It's a place where the entire city was camped out on picnic blankets and we could be social. I have a complicated relationship with my country. I have a complicated relationship with my family but I still miss that evening. I also miss the more robust fireworks laws because fuck Sylvester. Germans do almost as much damage to Berlin every New Years as the Soviets did.

But how can I miss it? My family was rather abusive and homophobic. They remain Trump voters. My brother disowned me when I came out. How can I miss it when the contents of what the declaration of Independence are against is what the POTUS and his cronies are for. I have never been a patriot but I miss the community....

I'm also integrating heavily into Germany. I don't feel attatchment to my country. Of all the immigrants I know I am the only one that refuses to go back. The exception to the rule of homesickness. I hated July the 4th. A massive willful destructive display of Nationalism and every single year I am reminded how many people will willfully ignore the atrocities of the USA while going to the grocery store or the gas stations in Germany is practically highway robbery thanks in large part to the USA destabilizing the world economy.

But I miss those lazy summer evenings. I miss rebels hanging from statues of the presidents reading the Declaration of Indpendence as if we had just declared war on England with the crowd saying "fuck the redcoats" and "fuck the british" but I hear Germans talking about missing this community as well.

It's like this whole polarization of the world has cost us something precious. Neighborhoods and community. As a queer I know that us receiving community is a mockery of reality but I still remember when the US congress voted on opinions and not party lines. Polarization has gotten worse everywhere. Now we have parties that aren't just seperated from reality, they are seperated from a common morality.

I just feel split. I have been in Germany long enough that people call me a German which I would argue is true but simultaneously not. I watch country where I learned about equality where I internalized the statement "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal" lose it's grasp on democracy and morality and fall into fascism. Watch as traitors are pardoned and protesters and law abiding citizens are jailed for exercising their first ammmendent rights against the president.

I would argue that I am German but my heart pains me watching US news. I feel alone even with my wife sitting right beside me because this is a heartache only a few people can know. To be simultaneously a well integrated German but watch your country of birth die and hurt inside watching it in it's death rattles.

I dunno. I just feel alone. I hate it. We don't deserve a birthday but gods I miss those summer nights. I want community back and these fascist neighborhating shitheads a very unpleasant stay in hell. Regardless of country Braune flasche gehört zu Glass Kontainer nicht das Parliament.

#fourthofjuly #immigrantlife

I just went to a German Dentist yesterday and I have some thoughts.

On tooth repair in general I had a crown put in before leaving the USA. It cost 4000 USD uninsured. Nobody really talks about the aggravation of a dead tooth in your mouth. I'm happy it didn't get pulled but it is something I regret more than anything HRT has ever given me. HRT has been a consistent comfort. This crown has been a constant mild annoyance and it is installed correctly.

People complain about the innefficiency of the German healthcare system but the Dentist was horrified at my reaction to possibly needing another root canal or a filling that cost €85. To me this is nothing. When a person from the US says "my healthcare system sucks" or "my country is hella racist"it means something VASTLY different from when a European says it. I'm not saying don't fix it, or that the German system isn't broken, Just please stop conflating and equivocating. We use the same words but using the same words does NOT mean the same severity. Yes work on on it but for the love of god stop saying we are the "same".

For two I appreciate the German efficiency. I get my blood drawn here and it's "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" in the US I feel like I have given my life story to almost every stranger and certainly to every nurse that has ever drawn my blood. One of the Dentist techs at this praxis is a server with me on the weekends. We have known eachother for years. No conversation. No explaining my life story to a dentist with drills in my goddamn mouth. "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" and I was gone.

I love German efficiency. I tell people that small talk is very normal in the USA and I explain it thusly, you meet a random passerby on the street and they"ll say "Oh my GAWD, you breathe air too, we're so similar, we should get married". That is obviously hyperbole but I tire from making too deep small talk from everyone especially when you have a needle in my arm or dentist drills in my mouth. Let my private life remain private, please.

Lastly there is relief. I was an alcoholic. Before I had a few teeth pulled due to weird dental problems in my family but before that, no cavities, my teeth were the envy of dentists everywhere, but addiction does things and it's not just meth that'll cost you your teeth. Be careful. I'm very happy my teeth are finally being repaired and I'm five years sober now. My recommendation tho is avoid addiction whenever and however possible. I never met my grandfather and a whole lot of people I care about almost never met me and now I also have to pay for my mistake out of my own pocket and it is NOT cheap even with universal healthcare.

#immigrantlife #healthcare

I just went to a German Dentist yesterday and I have some thoughts.

On tooth repair in general I had a crown put in before leaving the USA. It cost 4000 USD uninsured. Nobody really talks about the aggravation of a dead tooth in your mouth. I'm happy it didn't get pulled but it is something I regret more than anything HRT has ever given me. HRT has been a consistent comfort. This crown has been a constant mild annoyance and it is installed correctly.

People complain about the innefficiency of the German healthcare system but the Dentist was horrified at my reaction to possibly needing another root canal or a filling that cost €85. To me this is nothing. When a person from the US says "my healthcare system sucks" or "my country is hella racist"it means something VASTLY different from when a European says it. I'm not saying don't fix it, or that the German system isn't broken, Just please stop conflating and equivocating. We use the same words but using the same words does NOT mean the same severity. Yes work on on it but for the love of god stop saying we are the "same".

For two I appreciate the German efficiency. I get my blood drawn here and it's "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" in the US I feel like I have given my life story to almost every stranger and certainly to every nurse that has ever drawn my blood. One of the Dentist techs at this praxis is a server with me on the weekends. We have known eachother for years. No conversation. No explaining my life story to a dentist with drills in my goddamn mouth. "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" and I was gone.

I love German efficiency. I tell people that small talk is very normal in the USA and I explain it thusly, you meet a random passerby on the street and they"ll say "Oh my GAWD, you breathe air too, we're so similar, we should get married". That is obviously hyperbole but I tire from making too deep small talk from everyone especially when you have a needle in my arm or dentist drills in my mouth. Let my private life remain private, please.

Lastly there is relief. I was an alcoholic. Before I had a few teeth pulled due to weird dental problems in my family but before that, no cavities, my teeth were the envy of dentists everywhere, but addiction does things and it's not just meth that'll cost you your teeth. Be careful. I'm very happy my teeth are finally being repaired and I'm five years sober now. My recommendation tho is avoid addiction whenever and however possible. I never met my grandfather and a whole lot of people I care about almost never met me and now I also have to pay for my mistake out of my own pocket and it is NOT cheap even with universal healthcare.

#immigrantlife #healthcare

I just went to a German Dentist yesterday and I have some thoughts.

On tooth repair in general I had a crown put in before leaving the USA. It cost 4000 USD uninsured. Nobody really talks about the aggravation of a dead tooth in your mouth. I'm happy it didn't get pulled but it is something I regret more than anything HRT has ever given me. HRT has been a consistent comfort. This crown has been a constant mild annoyance and it is installed correctly.

People complain about the innefficiency of the German healthcare system but the Dentist was horrified at my reaction to possibly needing another root canal or a filling that cost €85. To me this is nothing. When a person from the US says "my healthcare system sucks" or "my country is hella racist"it means something VASTLY different from when a European says it. I'm not saying don't fix it, or that the German system isn't broken, Just please stop conflating and equivocating. We use the same words but using the same words does NOT mean the same severity. Yes work on on it but for the love of god stop saying we are the "same".

For two I appreciate the German efficiency. I get my blood drawn here and it's "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" in the US I feel like I have given my life story to almost every stranger and certainly to every nurse that has ever drawn my blood. One of the Dentist techs at this praxis is a server with me on the weekends. We have known eachother for years. No conversation. No explaining my life story to a dentist with drills in my goddamn mouth. "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" and I was gone.

I love German efficiency. I tell people that small talk is very normal in the USA and I explain it thusly, you meet a random passerby on the street and they"ll say "Oh my GAWD, you breathe air too, we're so similar, we should get married". That is obviously hyperbole but I tire from making too deep small talk from everyone especially when you have a needle in my arm or dentist drills in my mouth. Let my private life remain private, please.

Lastly there is relief. I was an alcoholic. Before I had a few teeth pulled due to weird dental problems in my family but before that, no cavities, my teeth were the envy of dentists everywhere, but addiction does things and it's not just meth that'll cost you your teeth. Be careful. I'm very happy my teeth are finally being repaired and I'm five years sober now. My recommendation tho is avoid addiction whenever and however possible. I never met my grandfather and a whole lot of people I care about almost never met me and now I also have to pay for my mistake out of my own pocket and it is NOT cheap even with universal healthcare.

#immigrantlife #healthcare

I just went to a German Dentist yesterday and I have some thoughts.

On tooth repair in general I had a crown put in before leaving the USA. It cost 4000 USD uninsured. Nobody really talks about the aggravation of a dead tooth in your mouth. I'm happy it didn't get pulled but it is something I regret more than anything HRT has ever given me. HRT has been a consistent comfort. This crown has been a constant mild annoyance and it is installed correctly.

People complain about the innefficiency of the German healthcare system but the Dentist was horrified at my reaction to possibly needing another root canal or a filling that cost €85. To me this is nothing. When a person from the US says "my healthcare system sucks" or "my country is hella racist"it means something VASTLY different from when a European says it. I'm not saying don't fix it, or that the German system isn't broken, Just please stop conflating and equivocating. We use the same words but using the same words does NOT mean the same severity. Yes work on on it but for the love of god stop saying we are the "same".

For two I appreciate the German efficiency. I get my blood drawn here and it's "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" in the US I feel like I have given my life story to almost every stranger and certainly to every nurse that has ever drawn my blood. One of the Dentist techs at this praxis is a server with me on the weekends. We have known eachother for years. No conversation. No explaining my life story to a dentist with drills in my goddamn mouth. "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" and I was gone.

I love German efficiency. I tell people that small talk is very normal in the USA and I explain it thusly, you meet a random passerby on the street and they"ll say "Oh my GAWD, you breathe air too, we're so similar, we should get married". That is obviously hyperbole but I tire from making too deep small talk from everyone especially when you have a needle in my arm or dentist drills in my mouth. Let my private life remain private, please.

Lastly there is relief. I was an alcoholic. Before I had a few teeth pulled due to weird dental problems in my family but before that, no cavities, my teeth were the envy of dentists everywhere, but addiction does things and it's not just meth that'll cost you your teeth. Be careful. I'm very happy my teeth are finally being repaired and I'm five years sober now. My recommendation tho is avoid addiction whenever and however possible. I never met my grandfather and a whole lot of people I care about almost never met me and now I also have to pay for my mistake out of my own pocket and it is NOT cheap even with universal healthcare.

#immigrantlife #healthcare

I just went to a German Dentist yesterday and I have some thoughts.

On tooth repair in general I had a crown put in before leaving the USA. It cost 4000 USD uninsured. Nobody really talks about the aggravation of a dead tooth in your mouth. I'm happy it didn't get pulled but it is something I regret more than anything HRT has ever given me. HRT has been a consistent comfort. This crown has been a constant mild annoyance and it is installed correctly.

People complain about the innefficiency of the German healthcare system but the Dentist was horrified at my reaction to possibly needing another root canal or a filling that cost €85. To me this is nothing. When a person from the US says "my healthcare system sucks" or "my country is hella racist"it means something VASTLY different from when a European says it. I'm not saying don't fix it, or that the German system isn't broken, Just please stop conflating and equivocating. We use the same words but using the same words does NOT mean the same severity. Yes work on on it but for the love of god stop saying we are the "same".

For two I appreciate the German efficiency. I get my blood drawn here and it's "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" in the US I feel like I have given my life story to almost every stranger and certainly to every nurse that has ever drawn my blood. One of the Dentist techs at this praxis is a server with me on the weekends. We have known eachother for years. No conversation. No explaining my life story to a dentist with drills in my goddamn mouth. "zack zack, erledigt, schönen Tag noch" and I was gone.

I love German efficiency. I tell people that small talk is very normal in the USA and I explain it thusly, you meet a random passerby on the street and they"ll say "Oh my GAWD, you breathe air too, we're so similar, we should get married". That is obviously hyperbole but I tire from making too deep small talk from everyone especially when you have a needle in my arm or dentist drills in my mouth. Let my private life remain private, please.

Lastly there is relief. I was an alcoholic. Before I had a few teeth pulled due to weird dental problems in my family but before that, no cavities, my teeth were the envy of dentists everywhere, but addiction does things and it's not just meth that'll cost you your teeth. Be careful. I'm very happy my teeth are finally being repaired and I'm five years sober now. My recommendation tho is avoid addiction whenever and however possible. I never met my grandfather and a whole lot of people I care about almost never met me and now I also have to pay for my mistake out of my own pocket and it is NOT cheap even with universal healthcare.

#immigrantlife #healthcare