#beyondthemask — Public Fediverse posts on home.social

My memory is a like a shattered mirror, reflecting fragments of important events. It's as if I'm a ghost in my own life, present but not truly there.

The fog in my mind is thick as soup today. I'm going through the motions of studying, but it feels like I'm watching a stranger perform these tasks. There's an ocean of sadness lurking beneath the surface, threatening to pull me under if I dare to dip my toes in. Part of me yearns to dive deep, but I'm paralyzed by fear.

Exercise is supposed to release endorphins, right? But I feel nothing. A void where joy should be. On the outside, I'm compossed and living life, but inside I'm a tempest of darkness, grief, and rage. I've built walls so high to contain it all.

I long to burrow into my bed, to cocoon myself in blankets like a frightened child. I've been obsessively listening to the same piece of music on repeat. It's a lifeline in this storm of emptiness.

Numbness has seeped into my bones. Shame and guilt are vultures, picking at my insides. Logically, I know I'm not to blame, but emotionally? Every cell in my body feels the weight of perceived failure. I've spent a lifetime trying to scale mountains, only to find myself at the bottom again and again.

Self-care is like walking through a field of thorns. I've created an routines just to ensure I perform basic human functions. But even with this roadmap, I often feel lost and inadequate. Thank goodness for my therapist today - it certainly helped.
#Mentalhealth #SurvivorsVoice #EmotionalTsunami #BeyondTheMask