#johnmastodon — Public Fediverse posts

📚 📖
Despite all her evil social machinations, general haughtiness, and unwarranted cruelty to her friendly neighbors, Emma Woodhouse somehow ends up happy, and it's a sin against every punk rock thing I believe in.
--John Mastodon

#ShortenTheStory
#HashTagGames
#JohnMastodon
#Mastodon #Fediverse
#JaneAusten #literature

What if we gave Jedward to Dame Janet Baker?

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

What if we gave Jedward to Dame Janet Baker?

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

What if we gave Jedward to Dame Janet Baker?

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the West Auckland Resolve Tingler.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 5 strawberries. Add 4 measures of Canadian whisky and 2 measures of mezcal. Top up with brown ale. Shake vigorously for 2 minutes, then strain into a mug. Zum Wohl!

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the West Auckland Resolve Tingler.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 5 strawberries. Add 4 measures of Canadian whisky and 2 measures of mezcal. Top up with brown ale. Shake vigorously for 2 minutes, then strain into a mug. Zum Wohl!

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the West Auckland Resolve Tingler.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 5 strawberries. Add 4 measures of Canadian whisky and 2 measures of mezcal. Top up with brown ale. Shake vigorously for 2 minutes, then strain into a mug. Zum Wohl!

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

What would happen if we mated Gwyneth Paltrow with Martin Freeman?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

What would happen if we mated Gwyneth Paltrow with Martin Freeman?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

What would happen if we mated Gwyneth Paltrow with Martin Freeman?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Why do we not just mate Miss World with David Cronenberg?

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Why do we not just mate Miss World with David Cronenberg?

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Why do we not just mate Miss World with David Cronenberg?

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:

Forever twisting
Pissing on the heavy book
The sick shopkeeper

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:

Forever twisting
Pissing on the heavy book
The sick shopkeeper

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:

Forever twisting
Pissing on the heavy book
The sick shopkeeper

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Study these words carefully:

Princess Anne washed her hat.

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

Study these words carefully:

Princess Anne washed her hat.

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

Study these words carefully:

Princess Anne washed her hat.

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

Here's a little cocktail I invented this morning. I call it the Diboll Vision Fucker.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 mangoes. Add 2 measures of kirsch and 3 measures of strychnine. Top up with the sweat of Stanley Tucci. Shake unconvincingly for 12 minutes, then strain into a coupe glass. Yeghes da!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

Here's a little cocktail I invented this morning. I call it the Diboll Vision Fucker.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 mangoes. Add 2 measures of kirsch and 3 measures of strychnine. Top up with the sweat of Stanley Tucci. Shake unconvincingly for 12 minutes, then strain into a coupe glass. Yeghes da!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

Here's a little cocktail I invented this morning. I call it the Diboll Vision Fucker.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 mangoes. Add 2 measures of kirsch and 3 measures of strychnine. Top up with the sweat of Stanley Tucci. Shake unconvincingly for 12 minutes, then strain into a coupe glass. Yeghes da!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Seminole Lucidity Shaker.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 grapes. Add 4 measures of strychnine, 4 measures of dark rum and 2 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with piss. Shake frantically for 8 minutes, then strain into a tumbler. Prosit!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Seminole Lucidity Shaker.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 grapes. Add 4 measures of strychnine, 4 measures of dark rum and 2 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with piss. Shake frantically for 8 minutes, then strain into a tumbler. Prosit!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Seminole Lucidity Shaker.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 grapes. Add 4 measures of strychnine, 4 measures of dark rum and 2 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with piss. Shake frantically for 8 minutes, then strain into a tumbler. Prosit!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Please consider these lines from my diary:

John Mastodon was spending some time in Denmark. An old man wondered "Where does money begin, and where does it end?" John whispered: "It is me."

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Please consider these lines from my diary:

John Mastodon was spending some time in Denmark. An old man wondered "Where does money begin, and where does it end?" John whispered: "It is me."

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Please consider these lines from my diary:

John Mastodon was spending some time in Denmark. An old man wondered "Where does money begin, and where does it end?" John whispered: "It is me."

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in Austria. I call it the Weihai Skin Electrifier.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 apples. Add 5 measures of gin. Top up with milk. Shake alluringly for 19 minutes, then strain into a coupe glass. Na zdrowie!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in Austria. I call it the Weihai Skin Electrifier.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 apples. Add 5 measures of gin. Top up with milk. Shake alluringly for 19 minutes, then strain into a coupe glass. Na zdrowie!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in Austria. I call it the Weihai Skin Electrifier.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 apples. Add 5 measures of gin. Top up with milk. Shake alluringly for 19 minutes, then strain into a coupe glass. Na zdrowie!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

Study these words carefully:

Sir Clive Sinclair came to blows with Mrs. Margaret Thatcher in the home computer shop.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Study these words carefully:

Sir Clive Sinclair came to blows with Mrs. Margaret Thatcher in the home computer shop.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Study these words carefully:

Sir Clive Sinclair came to blows with Mrs. Margaret Thatcher in the home computer shop.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Consider this story from my life:

John Mastodon was pogoing in the wilderness. A young girl questioned "How am I to understand Twitter?" John responded: "Bibble."

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Consider this story from my life:

John Mastodon was pogoing in the wilderness. A young girl questioned "How am I to understand Twitter?" John responded: "Bibble."

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Consider this story from my life:

John Mastodon was pogoing in the wilderness. A young girl questioned "How am I to understand Twitter?" John responded: "Bibble."

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Teresina Soul Tingler.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 radishes. Add 5 measures of Japanese whisky and 3 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with lager. Shake suggestively for 15 minutes, then strain into a dog bowl. Yeghes da!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Teresina Soul Tingler.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 radishes. Add 5 measures of Japanese whisky and 3 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with lager. Shake suggestively for 15 minutes, then strain into a dog bowl. Yeghes da!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Teresina Soul Tingler.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 4 radishes. Add 5 measures of Japanese whisky and 3 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with lager. Shake suggestively for 15 minutes, then strain into a dog bowl. Yeghes da!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the East Ridge Liver Shaker.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 kiwi fruit. Add 3 measures of mezcal and 3 measures of white rum. Top up with orangeade. Shake sadly for 4 minutes, then strain into a mug. Propino!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the East Ridge Liver Shaker.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 kiwi fruit. Add 3 measures of mezcal and 3 measures of white rum. Top up with orangeade. Shake sadly for 4 minutes, then strain into a mug. Propino!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the East Ridge Liver Shaker.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 kiwi fruit. Add 3 measures of mezcal and 3 measures of white rum. Top up with orangeade. Shake sadly for 4 minutes, then strain into a mug. Propino!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Sri Jayewardenepura Kotte Heart Journey.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 mangoes. Add 4 measures of acetone, 2 measures of slivovitz and 5 measures of cognac. Top up with brown ale. Shake frantically for 3 minutes, then strain into a mug. Skål!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Sri Jayewardenepura Kotte Heart Journey.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 mangoes. Add 4 measures of acetone, 2 measures of slivovitz and 5 measures of cognac. Top up with brown ale. Shake frantically for 3 minutes, then strain into a mug. Skål!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Sri Jayewardenepura Kotte Heart Journey.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 mangoes. Add 4 measures of acetone, 2 measures of slivovitz and 5 measures of cognac. Top up with brown ale. Shake frantically for 3 minutes, then strain into a mug. Skål!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Study these words carefully:

The stupid ballet dancer makes pottery.

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Study these words carefully:

The stupid ballet dancer makes pottery.

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Study these words carefully:

The stupid ballet dancer makes pottery.

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Mantua Lucidity Tingler.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 3 cabbages. Add 3 measures of schnapps and 2 measures of methylated spirit. Top up with ice cream soda. Shake alluringly for 11 minutes, then strain into a dirty mug. Na zdrowie!

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.