“Hah, the Anthropic principle is my bae!”
“What?”
“Well you know how some say that, because this universe appears fine-tuned for life, it therefore must be designed? And how others say LOL no gurl we just exist in one of the randomly parameterised universes that lets us exist, because if you don’t exist then you can’t get published in _Nature_?”
“Yes, I was beside you in cosmoengineering 101, remember?”
“Asleep, if i recall. Anyway….”
“Uncalled for. And you haven’t been published in Nature either. But pray, continue, oh great cosmo-insomniac”
“My breakthrough—I’m calling this the causanthropic principle—“
“—I’ll be sure to tell the Nobel Committee next time we do brunch”
“Shush, the causanthropic principle, which states that causality-threatening faster than light travel cannot exist in populated universes, because you went extinct in those where it did. But I found a loophole”
“Yes?”
“I locate the nearest neighbour universe with the physics that I want, then I overflow the segment register projecting my desired phenomenon into this universe. FTL, transuranics, antigravity, butter-side-up toast, it’s all possible!”
“Congratulations, you’ve invented the apocalypse.”
“Uh….damn!”