filipa mv

rave review

photos: EM in the main room at 3am / view from the back of the smaller room at 2 / quick fit check

my dad’s in town to care for my grandmother and last weekend we took the kids to see them for mother’s day. it was a pleasant visit until we wrapped up lunch, and i matter of factly told him i changed my name. instead of filipe, call me filipa.

he didn’t react well. he reacted rather poorly. i need more time, he said, you can’t rush me to accept [that you’re trans]. it’s been four years, i said, you have to treat me with respect.

long story short, i broke up with my dad. it was a long time coming. we had a complicated relationship before i turned gay. i dried my tears, and then we drove the kids to see Dog Man: The Musical. that was sunday; my week then got more stressful from work and house shit.

a rejection that titanic leaves a hole in your heart. it affects your sense of self-perception. my family finds me repulsive; am i repulsive? should i get FFS? (a healthy response lol). as i browsed clinic websites, i pondered the useful depravity that surgeons are imbued with, walking around thinking about how to cut people open.

on friday, i was ready for a dance. i had a short nap, i swallowed a couple of beers, and i arrived at Muster Point shortly after midnight.

it was a great party. it’s a neat venue, spacious, with space to chat and chill. i ran into familiar faces. the crowd ran a bit young and straight but there was good vibes, and plenty of dancers. i spent most of the evening in the smaller, more intimate room, and i danced and i danced and i danced.

locking in helps me process negative emotions, and i chanted I AM UGLY as the music washed over me, and i felt better afterwards.

i looked up and saw that Saff was taking to the decks and realized two hours had flown by. conscious of my busy saturday ahead, i reluctantly left after 3.